Chapter Text
The healers had left again. Severus was alive technically. Alive in the way a dying candle is “alive” just before the flame gutters out, they had already told them he may only last the night 20 percent chance they said and he was already slipping. Harry sat on the bed beside him, hands trembling, breath shaking, heart still pounding from the chaos of the flat line an hour earlier. He hadn’t stopped shaking since. His knuckles were white from gripping Severus’s wrist, fingers pressed so tightly over the faint pulse that his own fingertips had gone numb.
The pulse was there. Just barely. Just enough to torture him. Harry watched the black lines still present moving up and down his arms, dark magic that came from him, that Severus took from him, to save him. Remus still hovered near the wall, looking hollow and helpless, afraid to sit, afraid to speak, afraid to breathe too loudly. After the screaming match earlier after Harry nearly tore his arms out of their sockets he didn’t dare touch him. Hermione was awake now, sitting in the corner with her knees pulled up to her chest, face blotchy, eyes puffy. Ron had made tea at some point, but the cups sat untouched, cooling into uselessness. No one wanted to speak of the dread that hung in the air, everyone knew, everyone felt it, yet no one could voice it. Harry was the only one who hadn’t moved in over an hour. “His heart is steady for now,” Remus finally whispered, voice raw. “The healers said so.” Harry didn’t answer. Remus swallowed. “Harry… that means there’s still time.”
Harry’s jaw tightened not in hope In fury. “Time for what?” he muttered, voice flat, deadened. “Time to watch him die slowly instead of suddenly?” Remus flinched, but didn’t argue he knew there was some truth to what Harry had said. Harry leaned forward, thumb brushing a strand of black hair from Severus’s forehead. His own hand shook so badly he almost missed. “You promised you’d talk to me again,” Harry whispered. “You, Severus, you said it. Before you left me at the ministry. You said you weren’t going anywhere. So why aren’t you waking up?” No answer. The room felt colder now. Hermione sniffed loudly into her sleeve. Ron put a hand on her back. Neither came close, not after how Harry had reacted earlier. The letter sat on the bedside table. Unopened. Untouched. A landmine wrapped in parchment. Harry kept looking at it. Then looking away. Then back again. Remus followed his gaze. “He wrote that for you because he wanted” “Don’t,” Harry snapped, voice tight. “Don’t start that. Not from you. Not tonight.” Remus’s mouth closed. He nodded once, silently. Harry exhaled shakily, then leaned even closer to Severus, foreheads touching. “This isn’t your death bed,” he whispered. “You hear me? You don’t get to die lying down. You don’t get to leave me like this. Not unconscious. Not without a fight. Not without talking to me” His voice cracked. “Not without saying goodbye.” He didn’t want a goodbye. But he also did. He hated himself for it.
His hand reached for Severus’s, cold and limp on the sheets. Harry threaded their fingers together, clutching tightly, willing warmth back into the skin. “Sev,” he breathed. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. So open your goddamn eyes and look at me, after everything you owe me that, you owe me more than this silence." A flicker. A twitch. So small Harry almost thought he imagined it, a faint flutter of Severus’s eyelid. Harry gasped, leaning in so fast he nearly hit his forehead on Severus’s. “Sev? Sev are you can you hear me?” Severus didn’t wake. But the eyelid moved again, a tiny tremor. “See?” Harry whispered wildly, almost laughing, almost sobbing. “You’re still with me. You’re not done. You’re God you’re fighting.” He looked up at Remus, at Hermione, at Ron eyes blazing with fragile, desperate hope. “He’s fighting. He’s trying. He can… he can come back from this.” Hermione nodded with tears spilling down her cheeks, unable to speak the truth about what she believed, not wanting to shatter her best friend's heart. Ron swallowed hard, eyes glistening with tears yet to fall. Remus… Remus’s face fell in a way that made Harry’s stomach twist. “What?” Harry demanded. “Why are you looking like that? He moved. He moved.” Remus stepped closer, voice low, gentle, pained. “That’s not waking up, Harry. That’s… involuntary. Reflexive. The healers warned us.” Harry’s expression cracked, disbelief shattering across his features, the disbelief that Hermione didn't want to cause. “No,” he whispered. “No, Remus, no, don’t take this from me” “I’m not,” Remus whispered brokenly. “Harry… the dark magic is still spreading. The healers haven't been able to contain it, his heart can't take it. They don’t know how long he has. They said movements like that, those reflexes they’re not signs of recovery. They’re signs of his body…” Remus’s voice trembled, “… shutting down.”
Harry stared at him, frozen, hollowing out from the inside. “No,” he said again, softer. “No he’s not. He’s not.” Remus’s hand hovered in the air, wanting to touch Harry’s shoulder but too afraid of his reaction. “Harry…” “He’s not dying,” Harry snapped, voice shaking violently. “You’re wrong. They’re wrong.” He grabbed Severus’s hand two-handed now, holding it against his cheek, he could feel the cold from his fingers on his skin. “You’re not leaving me,” he whispered fiercely. “You hear me? You don’t get to leave me.” Tears dripped onto Severus’s knuckles. “Not yet,” Harry trembled. “Not tonight. Not ever. Not you.” The candle on the nightstand guttered, flame flickering weakly, casting Severus’s face in a pale, ghost like glow. For a moment, just a moment the room felt like it was holding its breath.
A heartbeat. A pause. A fragile silence. The kind of silence that comes right before the final blow. The room had gone unnervingly still, not silent, still. That awful, thick stillness that happens right before something breaks. The healers had already left again after checking on Severus hours ago, muttering words Harry refused to process. Words like it won't be long, tell him you love him. Hermione curled in a chair near the door, wand clutched to her chest. Ron had passed out on the floor, cloak thrown over himself like a lumpy blanket. Even Remus, exhausted, hollow-eyed, shaken, had drifted into a restless sleep at the foot of the bed but Harry still didn’t move. He’d been sitting beside Severus for so long his legs were numb, his hands sore from gripping the edge of the mattress. The letter Severus had written that damned, final, cowardly letter Harry refused to acknowledge spun slowly between his fingers. He twirled it again and again, like a ticking clock counting down something he refused to name. He stared at Severus’s face pale, too pale, jaw slack, breaths shallow and uneven beneath the weight of the dark magic still poisoning his veins.
“You’re not dying Sev you cant we have so much that we need to do,” Harry whispered hoarsely. His throat was raw from screaming, crying, begging, everything. “I’m not reading it. So you’re not dying. That’s how this works.” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care. “I know you,” he murmured, leaning closer. “You write letters when you're stressed and angry at me not to say goodbye. You snarl. You insult. You breathe fire. This” he shook the parchment sharply, “this isn’t you. So you’re not dying. You hear me? You’re not.” Severus didn’t move. Not even the twitch he’d shown hours earlier. Harry’s fingers trembled around the letter. He pressed it to his knee, staring hard at Severus’s chest, watching each thin, strained breath.
“You’re not leaving me,” he whispered. “I didn’t survive everything in my life just for you to walk away now. That’s not happening, I have only just got you back.” Behind him, Remus stirred. A soft exhale. Maybe a dream. Maybe guilt clawing at him even in sleep. Harry ignored him. “You took that magic for me,” Harry said, voice dropping so low it was barely audible. “You stupid, stubborn, impossible man. You took it straight to the chest and you looked me in the eyes like it was nothing. Like my life was worth more than yours, it is not, not without you here with me, you should have found another way.” His voice cracked.
The letter in his grip tightened until the parchment creaked. “You don’t get to die for me. I saved you before You don’t get to leave me with… this.” His chest hitched, his breath caught. “You don’t get to leave me with nothing but a letter I’m too scared to open.” Severus’s breathing hitched barely. A faint, scratchy, uneven rasp. Harry froze. “Sev?” His heart slammed against his ribs. “Severus, come on, give me something please.” Nothing. Just the faint, hollow rattle of a body failing slowly. Harry pressed trembling fingers to Severus’s wrist, needing to feel the pulse again, to reassure himself it was still there. It was weaker. So much weaker. He swallowed hard, the panic rising like acid. “Don’t,” Harry whispered. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t you dare” A shift behind him. Footsteps. Remus. Harry stiffened immediately, muscles going rigid. He didn’t look back. Remus’s voice was quiet, rough from sleep and guilt. “Harry… talk to me.” “I’m not talking to you.” Remus sighed softly, the kind of sigh that meant he wasn’t going anywhere. He came closer, stopping a careful distance behind Harry, like he knew he was stepping into a minefield. “His breathing sounds worse,” Remus murmured, voice cracking. Harry’s hand clenched around Severus’s wrist like he could anchor the pulse with sheer force.
“Don’t say that.” “Harry” “Don’t.” Harry’s voice was sharp, brittle, and dangerous. “Don’t you dare say anything is worse. Don’t say it like you’re preparing me. Don’t say it like you’ve accepted something I haven’t.” Remus swallowed. “You haven’t slept” “I’m not leaving him.” There was no room for argument. Remus eased a step closer, his hands flexing uselessly at his sides, the instinct to comfort Harry at war with Harry’s fury toward him. “You don’t have to sleep,” Remus said quietly. “Just… talk to me. Let me be here.” “I don’t want you here.” The words slapped harder than Harry intended, but he didn’t take them back. Remus flinched. Actually flinched. His jaw tightened. “I know,” he murmured. “I know you’re angry with me. And you’re right to be.” Harry didn’t respond. Remus exhaled shakily. “Harry… I didn’t protect you from Sirius. I didn’t protect Severus. I defended him when I shouldn’t have. I failed you both.” Harry closed his eyes tightly, breath shaking. “Not now,” he whispered. “Not Remus, I can’t just not right now.” Remus nodded, pain and guilt carved deep into his features. “Alright,” he whispered. “But I’m staying.” Harry didn’t fight him. He didn’t have the strength. Seconds passed. Minutes. The room filled with the fragile sound of Severus’s failing breaths.
And then it happened. A sudden, sharp hitch. Not the tired rattle they’d been hearing for hours. A stumble. A falter. Severus’s chest rose, fell, then didn’t rise again. Harry’s world snapped. “Severus? SEVERUS!” His hands flew to Severus’s shoulders, shaking him hard. “Sev come on breathe please PLEASE” Remus lunged forward instantly, grabbing Harry around the torso as he almost threw himself onto the bed. “Healers!” Remus shouted, voice cracking. “HERMIONE, RON SOMEONE NOW!” Harry fought like a wild animal, thrashing so violently Remus had to lock both arms around him just to keep him from crushing Severus’s chest.
“LET GO OF ME!” Harry screamed, voice ripping apart. “LET GO, LET GO SEVERUS! SEVERUS BREATHE FOR ME PLEASE….PLEASE!” Remus’s arms tightened. “Harry Harry you can’t let them work Harry STOP” Harry didn’t stop. He didn’t even hear. He fought until his nails split, until his throat tore, until he tasted blood. Severus didn’t breathe, not once there was no sound made. Healers stormed into the room, magic blazing, spells firing, voices shouting, chaos erupting around the bed and Harry was dragged backward, kicking, screaming, clawing, sobbing, breaking in two.
The room was chaotic. Spells cracked like lightning. Light flashed against the walls in frantic bursts. Voices shouted over each other urgent, terrified, desperate but Harry didn’t hear any of it. He was screaming too loudly. “LET ME GO! LET ME GO SEVERUS, SEVERUS, PLEASE” Remus’s arms locked around him like iron bands, muscles shaking with the effort of holding him back. Harry kicked, twisted, clawed, his voice hoarse and tearing, the floor scratching under his feet as Remus dragged him away from the bed. “You can’t help him, Harry, Harry STOP” “HE’S NOT DEAD, he cant be dead HE’S NOT SEVERUS, SEVERUS, BREATHE” Healers flooded the bedside, hands glowing bright with spell work, magic pulsing wildly over Severus’s chest. Hermione appeared in the doorway, hair wild, wand raised, eyes instantly filling with horror. “Oh God no” she whispered, stumbling forward not knowing what she was moving towards. One healer barked, “Clear!” Another, “Again hit him again now. NOW!” Severus’s body jerked under the spell violently then sagged back against the sheets.
Harry’s scream cracked so sharply Hermione actually flinched. “DON’T STOP DON’T, DON’T STOP, WORK ON HIM, WORK ON HIM, HE’S NOT GONE, he can't be gone” Ron was at the door now too, pale, wide-eyed, frozen as Harry broke in front of him, he didn't know what to do to help his best friend so he did nothing, couldn't even if he wanted to his legs just would not move. The lead healer’s voice rose over the chaos, strained and desperate: “His heart isn’t responding, there is too much dark magic around it” “Then MAKE IT RESPOND!” Harry shrieked, thrashing so hard Remus lost his grip for a moment. Harry lunged forward and Remus caught him by the waist, hauling him back with a choked groan. “Harry listen to me listen, he can’t feel you hitting him STOP” Harry didn’t stop. He didn’t even hear him. His screams went beyond words now raw, primal sounds, the kind that rip themselves out of the body when something vital is being torn away.
“SEVERUS, SEVERUS, SEV, LOVE, PLEASE, PLEASE, COME BACK” His voice broke on the word love, his throat shredding, his body convulsing with sobs as he reached desperately toward the bed, fingers inches from Severus’s unmoving hand. A healer spoke again, voice dull with dread: “We’re losing him.” Another: “We’ve… we’ve lost him.” “No,” Harry hissed, so quiet it was almost inaudible. Then louder. Then feral.
“No you HAVEN’T, NO YOU HAVEN’T, WORK ON HIM, KEEP WORKING, KEEP GOING, DON’T YOU STOP, DON’T YOU STOP”
“Harry Harry he’s gone” Remus whispered, voice breaking. Harry snapped. “NO HE ISN’T.” He turned on Remus, eyes wild, teeth bared, shaking so violently he could barely stand. “DON’T YOU SAY THAT. DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT TO ME, HE IS NOT, HE IS NOT” Hermione was crying now silently as she watched the healers lower their wands one by one. The leader stepped back, shoulders slumped, voice barely carrying: “Time of death” “NO!” Harry lunged forward again, screaming so loudly it cracked into silence for a second. “DON’T YOU DARE, DON’T YOU DARE CALL TIME” Remus grabbed him again, arms wrapping around Harry from behind, dragging him back as the healers stepped away. “Harry, please please” Remus whispered, his own tears falling freely now. “He’s gone he’s there’s nothing, nothing more they can do” Harry collapsed forward in Remus’s grip, knees hitting the floor with a crack. His hands clawed at the ground, nails scraping wood, every breath sobbing, choking, breaking. “No… no… Sev… love… you promised… you said you wouldn’t leave… not like this… no…” Remus sank to his knees with him, arms still wrapped around Harry’s torso as Harry writhed and sobbed, body shaking like it was splintering apart.
Hermione moved toward them, trembling, but stopped short, covering her mouth with her hands as a strangled cry escaped her. Ron turned away, wiping his face with his sleeve, shoulders shaking. The healers cleared the room quietly, heads bowed, leaving Harry’s world in ruins. Harry tried to crawl toward the bed again or maybe he didn’t even know where he was crawling, his hands splayed, trembling. Remus caught him under the arms before he could face plant onto the stone. “Let me go,” Harry gasped, barely recognisable. “Remus, Remus please I have to hold him, I have to please Remus I need, please bring him back to me Remus please i cant…..” And Remus broke. Just broke. He tightened his arms around Harry and whispered, voice shredded: “I know. I know you do. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry I can't bring him back to you, I wish I could.” Harry screamed again but this time the sound didn’t leave his throat. It stayed trapped inside him, tearing him to pieces and Severus Snape lay still on the bed. Pale Quiet Gone. The world didn’t end with an explosion. It ended with Harry Potter sobbing into Remus Lupin’s chest as the man he loved finally slipped beyond magic’s reach. Severus lay still. Too still. The moment the Healers stepped back and bowed their heads, the air in the hospital wing cracked like ice. No one spoke. No one breathed. It felt like the entire castle was waiting for someone to call it a mistake. No one did. Harry’s screams weren't human. It wasn’t even magical. It was the sound of something being ripped out of him by force. He threw himself at Severus’s chest, shaking him, yelling at him to come back, begging, cursing, pleading, all in one breathless, shattering mess of sound. “DON’T TAKE HIM FROM ME DON’T, DON’T YOU DON’T SEVERUS COME BACK COME BACK TO ME”
Remus caught him from behind again, arms around his ribs, but it was like trying to restrain a wild animal fighting for its last scrap of sanity. Harry clawed at his grip. “LET GO OF ME! LET GO, LET ME GO TO HIM, HE NEEDS ME, HE’S COLD, HE’S COLD” “Harry, Harry, please”
Remus’s voice cracked. He held tighter. He shook with the effort. “Harry love, please he’s gone” “NO HE ISN’T!” Harry’s howl tore down the corridor. Hermione collapsed against Ron, sobbing so hard she couldn’t breathe. Ron held her, but he was shaking too, face blotchy, jaw clenched so tightly it looked painful. He kept wiping his nose on his sleeve, tears dripping off his chin, staring at Severus like he couldn’t make sense of death being allowed to touch anyone else they loved and then the doors opened. Kingsley Shacklebolt stepped in, hat removed, face carved out of stone. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. His eyes took in the scene, the body, the screaming boy, the ruined friends and something in his shoulders sagged.
He approached the bed slowly. Harry saw him and thrashed violently. “No, NO don’t you touch him DON’T YOU” “Harry,” Kingsley said softly, voice trembling with effort, “we have to move him. Not far Harry. Just… away from this room we need to put him somewhere else.” “You can’t take him from me twice” Remus tightened his grip, breathing warm against Harry’s ear but shaking. “Harry stop, please you’re hurting yourself” “I DON’T CARE!” Kingsley nodded at two Aurors waiting outside. They came in. Silent. White-faced. Hands trembling. Together, they lifted Severus’s body from the bed. The sound Harry made could have shattered the stained-glass windows. He lunged forward with a force that knocked Remus back into a cabinet, vials shattering around them. Remus scrambled to hold him, but Harry’s grief made him monstrous with all elbows, fists, teeth, guttural noise. It took everything Remus had just to keep his arms locked. “LET. ME. GO.” Remus’s voice broke. “I can’t.”
Harry sagged, shaking violently and then he collapsed completely, body folding against Remus’s as the strength drained out of him like water. Kingsley paused before leaving the room with the stretcher. He bowed his head toward Harry, a gesture of respect, apology, and helplessness in one then walked out with Severus Snape for the last time. Harry’s sobs turned silent. Those were somehow worse. Hermione slid off her chair onto the floor, covering her face with both hands, muffling her sobs against her knees. Ron knelt beside her, arms around her shoulders, but tears streamed down his own cheeks, unchecked. Remus sat on the floor with Harry in his lap, Harry’s fists knotted in his robes, face pressed into his chest. Remus looked ten years older in just ten minutes, hollow, devastated, guilt-ridden. He whispered, voice shredded as he rocked Harry “I’m so sorry, Harry… I’m so, so sorry…”
Harry didn’t respond. He didn’t move. He didn’t even blink. He just stared at the door Severus had been taken through, breathing in short, broken gasps that barely counted as breathing at all. Remus was still on the floor, Harry clinging to him like it was the only thing keeping him anchored to the earth. “Harry,” Remus murmured, voice rough. “Let me help you up. Please. Your legs must be numb…” Harry’s voice finally came hoarse, empty, terrifyingly quiet. “They took him away from me again, just like before they took him.” He was rambling, Remus closed his eyes. “Yes,” he whispered. Harry swallowed, breath hitching. “He was warm in my arms. And now he’s, he’s” His voice broke. He didn’t finish. Remus pulled him close again, shaking just as hard. The castle exhaled grief into every corridor, every stone, every drafty hall. Hogwarts felt colder. Heavier, Small It felt like loss.
Remus tried to steady him, but Harry tore away with a ragged, animal-like sound, stumbling toward the centre of the room where all of them had gathered after the alarms started, Severus’s body still not yet cold. His chest heaved. His hands shook. His eyes were wild. “You” Harry gasped, pointing at Kingsley first, though his finger trembled so violently it barely held direction. “You didn’t even TELL ME.” Kingsley froze. Harry’s voice cracked like lightning. “You all made a DECISION about MY BODY MY LIFE MY MAGIC without telling me a bloody thing! You stood around a table and nodded and agreed and PLANNED THIS while I was fighting to stay conscious and you didn’t say a SINGLE word to me!” Hermione sobbed, but Harry didn’t even look at her. “You thought because I was drowning in the dark magic that I didn’t get a say? YOU THOUGHT THAT MEANT YOU GOT TO CHOOSE WHO DIED FOR ME?” His voice shook, feral and broken. “You took my voice. You took my choice. You took EVERYTHING.” Ron stepped forward, shaking. “Harry we didn’t tell you because you were mate, you weren’t yourself. You were downing in it, you were hurting, there was no speaking to you Snape tried”
“DONT YOU SAY HIS FUCKING NAME And YOU ARE COWARDS!” Harry roared, the force of the scream ripping through his already-raw throat. “You didn’t tell me because you KNEW I would stop you. You KNEW. I WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP MY LIFE BEFORE I LET SEVERUS take that curse” Hermione collapsed to her knees, sobbing into her hands. Harry didn’t stop. He couldn’t. “You thought what? That Sev was just expendable as always? That he could just clean up the mess as always ? That he could swallow the magic and survive because what, he’s survived before?” His voice cracked. “He SURVIVED because he had SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR, he had me.” He swayed, clutching the table for balance as his lungs fought to keep pace with his grief.
“And you my friends,’” he spat the word like poison, “decided behind closed doors that the ONE PERSON who ever, ever loved me the way he did… was the acceptable loss.” McGonagall flinched like he’d slapped her. “You didn’t even ASK,” he whispered, shaking with fury and heartbreak. “You didn’t even LET ME TRY. You decided my life mattered more. You took him from me with a MEETING.” He whipped around suddenly, eyes locking on Sirius, Sirius who had gone ghost-pale. “And YOU,” Harry rasped. Sirius took half a step backward. “You were supposed to be the one who understood what it’s like to lose someone you love,” Harry whispered, voice trembling dangerously. “You of all people should have FOUGHT for him. You should have been the one to stand between them and this plan, to stop him from doing it.” Sirius’s eyes shone with tears. “Harry… I wanted you safe. I couldn’t…” “You couldn’t bear the thought of me dying,” Harry snapped, “but you didn’t care if HE DID, did you because you hated him that fucking much.” “That’s not….” Sirius began.
“YES IT IS!” Harry screamed, voice breaking. “You're in LOVE with me. I KNOW. And it blinded you! In love with your own godson, you twisted bastard. You didn’t even CONSIDER what he meant to me did you, you just thought if Severus was gone, if the danger was gone, if the magic was gone I’d finally be yours well you are wrong i would never be yours EVER.” Sirius’s breath caught like a punch to the ribs. “You didn’t say the words,” Harry continued, voice chillingly soft, “but you didn’t have to, i know you Sirius you do what you want for you every fucking time.” Silence fell heavier than grief. Then Harry turned slowly, wildly, to all of them. “All of you,” he whispered. “You took him away. You killed him. Not with your hands, but with your choices.” His voice dropped, shuddering. “You didn’t save me. You just made sure I’d live long enough to break.”
His knees buckled this time, no one tried to catch him. Harry hit the ground, folding over himself, sobbing so violently he shook. “He should be here,” he choked, voice strangled. “He should, he should, he should be here…” His head dropped into his shaking hands. “You all made sure he never would be.” And the terrible truth settled in the room. They hadn’t just failed Severus. They had betrayed Harry and they all knew it. Harry was still on the floor when Remus pushed through the doorway, breathless, confused, eyes darting wildly between the torn-open room, the blood on the stone, the cluster of pale faces and the stretcher where healers were covering Severus Snape’s body.
His face was drained of colour. “What” he whispered. “Why did you do it, you didn't have to do it?” No one answered, no one could. Because Harry suddenly let out a sound that wasn’t human. He lunged forward toward where Severus’s body had been wheeled out every inch of him desperate, feral. Kingsley moved to intercept, but Remus stepped in with a snarl not entirely human, catching Harry around the waist before he could touch the door. Harry screamed. “LET ME GO! REMUS….REMUS, LET GO OF ME!” Remus locked his arms around him, muscles shaking. “Harry, Harry, stop” “HE’S NOT GONE, DON’T TOUCH HIM DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM” His voice shredded itself with the force of every word. He kicked, clawed, fought like a wild thing backed into a corner. Sirius took a step forward, eyes horrified. “Harry let me” Remus’s voice cracked like a whip. “DON’T.” It wasn’t a plea. It was a command. A warning. A growl threaded through it.
Sirius froze. Harry thrashed so violently Remus had to brace his feet against the floor just to keep hold of him, he was still weak from the full moon a couple of nights ago. “YOU LET THEM DO IT!” Harry roared at Sirius, voice breaking. “YOU LET THEM KILL HIM BECAUSE YOU, YOU COULDN’T, YOU COULDN’T STAND THE THOUGHT OF ME WITH HIM ADMIT IT, you hated the thought that i was in his bed and not yours, you sick fucking freak” Sirius staggered back as if struck. “No Harry, that’s not” “SHUT UP!” Harry screamed. “JUST, JUST SHUT UP DON’T YOU DARE SAY MY NAME DON’T YOU….DON'T” He choked, breath collapsing into ragged sobs. Remus pulled him tighter, arms trembling with the effort of holding Harry’s weight and his grief.
Hermione tried to step forward tears streaming down her face but the moment she whispered, “Harry, please” Harry snapped. “YOU,” he spat, venomous, hoarse, shaking. “YOU OF ALL PEOPLE YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUND SOMETHING ELSE. YOU’RE THE BLOODY BRAIN OF THE GOLDEN TRIO, AREN’T YOU? ALWAYS A PLAN. ALWAYS A SPELL. ALWAYS AN ANSWER, YET WHAT THIS TIME YOU COULDN'T FIND ONE.” Hermione crumpled instantly, shoulders folding inward. “You should have saved him,” Harry hissed. “You should have FIXED IT. YOU SHOULD HAVE, YOU SHOULD HAVE” Ron stepped between them so fast he nearly knocked over a chair, arms spread wide, shielding Hermione with his whole body. “She didn’t want this!” Ron yelled, voice cracking. “She held you steady for days, she burnt herself out to try and save you, how dare you say she should have done more” Harry screamed. “YOU STOLE HIS LAST MOMENT, HIS LAST CHANCE HIS LAST”
His voice broke completely. His knees buckled. Remus caught his full weight as he sagged, fighting for breath, sobbing so violently he could barely inhale. “Harry,” Remus whispered, voice trembling, eyes glossy with horror and grief. “I didn’t know. I swear to you I didn’t know all this was happening.” Harry shoved weakly at his chest but didn’t break free. “They decided,” Harry choked. “Behind a door. Without me. They looked at him at my Sev and decided he was… the cost.” Remus’s face twisted, a quiet devastation tearing through him. He cupped the back of Harry’s head, pulling him firmly into his chest, shielding his shaking frame. “I’ve got you,” Remus murmured, voice raw. “I’ve got you, cub. I’m taking you out of here now.” Harry didn’t want to go. He twisted, reaching toward where Severus’s body was being pushed away. “No, Remus please….please I have to just one more please” Remus tightened his grip, turning Harry’s face away from the door. “Not like this,” he whispered, breaking. “You don’t see him like this.” Sirius swallowed a sob. Hermione collapsed fully, Ron dropping with her, arms wrapped around her shaking form. Kingsley bowed his head into his hands and Remus dragged Harry out kicking, screaming, begging, cursing until the door shut behind them.
The last thing Harry saw was Severus being wheeled away. The last thing he screamed was his name and the last thing Remus heard, whispered like a dying prayer as Harry finally began to collapse in his arms, was: “He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve any of this…” They heard him all the way down the corridor. Every last one of them. The castle did too.Remus half-carried, half-dragged Harry away from the room, his own breath shaking as he forced his body to keep moving. Harry wasn’t fighting anymore not really but he wasn’t going limp either. He writhed, convulsed, grabbed at door frames and corner stones, fingers scraping desperately across rough stone as if he could anchor himself, as if one more second in this hallway might pull Severus back from the dead. His screams echoed like something torn out of a wounded creature. Raw. Guttural. Shattering.
Each one ricocheted off the ancient walls like the castle itself was flinching. Sirius, Ron, Hermione, Kingsley they all stood frozen in the doorway, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to pretend they weren’t witnessing a man break in half and the worst part? Harry wasn’t calling words anymore. His voice had gone beyond language, beyond articulation. These weren’t curses or accusations or pleas. These were sounds born from the deepest part of the human spine, the primal place where grief strips everything away except the need to reach the person already gone. A wail tore through the corridor long, splintering, uncontainable. Hermione slapped a hand over her own mouth as her knees buckled. Ron dropped with her, pulling her against his chest as she sobbed into him. He didn't cry often, but even he bowed his head, jaw clenched so tightly it shook. Sirius braced a hand against the wall as though the scream had physically hit him. His breath hitched, eyes burning. He squeezed them shut.
“Merlin…” he whispered, voice breaking. “Moony don’t let him… don’t let him fall apart alone…” Kingsley swallowed hard, throat bobbing. “He’s holding him. That’s all anyone can do right now.” But they didn’t move. None of them. Because listening to Harry's grief was worse than seeing Severus’s body being carried away. It was the sound of someone who had nothing left to hold onto. A second scream ripped down the hallway higher, cracked, strangled around a sob. Then another. Remus didn’t hush him. Didn’t tell him to breathe. Didn’t try to soothe what couldn’t possibly be soothed. He just held him tighter. The corridor stretched endlessly ahead of them, and Harry’s voice carried through every inch, slipping under doors, vibrating floorboards, rattling ancient portraits, the castle itself bearing witness to the boy it had raised now being gutted in its shadowed halls.
Students peeked from their rooms, wide-eyed, terrified. Professors stepped halfway into corridors and froze. No one intervened. No one tried. They all knew this was the sound of something sacred. Of something broken. Of love ripped violently from the world. As Remus turned the corner with Harry, the last sound that drifted back toward the group was a shattered, breathless: “Please… don’t take him from me… please…” Hermione sobbed harder. Sirius pressed his forehead to the wall. Ron pulled Hermione closer, eyes shining. And Kingsley whispered, to no one at all: “He shouldn’t have had to lose him.” But Harry’s cries still echoed long after the corridor swallowed them because no grief in that castle had ever sounded like this and everyone knew it. Remus barely got the door shut before Harry buckled. It wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t slow. Harry’s knees simply gave out, like his body had finally registered what his mind had been screaming.
He hit the floor with a choked, broken sound somewhere between a sob and a gasp and Remus dropped with him, arms instinctively wrapping around his shaking frame. Harry curled in on himself, fingers clawing at the front of Remus’s robes as if they were the only solid thing left in existence. His whole body trembled violently, every breath torn, shallow, and desperate. Remus held him tighter, his own arms shaking from the effort not from strength, but from sheer emotional strain. “Harry” he tried to whisper, but the name barely escaped him. Harry didn’t hear him. Or maybe he did and couldn’t bear responding. He pressed his forehead to Remus’s chest, panting, sobbing in jagged bursts that tore through both of them.
“He….he was alive” Harry choked out, words stumbling over themselves. “He was breathing, he promised, he said he said” His breath broke off into another violent sob. “I know,” Remus murmured, voice deep and wrecked. “I know.” Harry shook his head violently, fingers twisting tighter into Remus’s robes until they almost tore. “No you don’t! You don’t, Remus you don’t! He….he” He swallowed a scream. “He chose me. He chose me and I let him, I let him, I let him if I hadn't gone back he would still be alive ""Harry” But Harry was collapsing inward all over again, wracked with a grief that his body wasn’t built to contain. Remus just pulled him in, held him like a man clinging to someone drowning, because that’s exactly what this was: Harry Potter drowning in the aftermath of finally losing the one person he’d ever truly loved.
Sirius didn’t bother knocking. He shoved the door open just wide enough to slip in, eyes tight with worry, breath still uneven from the chaos outside. His gaze landed instantly on the sight before him: Harry in Remus’s arms, shaking like a live wire. Remus holding him like a lifesaver barely keeping them both afloat. Sirius’s face twisted. Concern. Guilt. Grief. All battling to get out first. He stepped forward, voice small for once. “Moony… is he” Remus didn’t look up. “Not now.” The words were sharp. Sharper than Remus had spoken in years. Sharp enough to make Sirius freeze mid-step. “Pads, I mean it,” Remus continued, finally lifting his head. His eyes were red-rimmed, his jaw clenched tight enough to crack. “If you come closer right now, he’ll break again. He’s barely breathing as it is.” “I just, I just want to help,” Sirius whispered. Remus’s expression softened by half a fraction… but he still shook his head. “Then help by giving him this moment. Please, Sirius.” His voice strained, almost pleading. “Not now.” For a long moment, Sirius stood there in the doorway. Torn. Aching. Horrified by the sight of the boy no, the man he loved in pieces on the floor.
Finally, he nodded. Oxygen shuddered out of him as he whispered, “Okay.” He stepped back. Closed the door quietly. And the moment it clicked shut, he pressed his forehead to the wood, eyes stinging. “I’m sorry, Harry… I’m so bloody sorry…” But he didn’t go back in. Because Remus had been right. Harry wasn’t at the edge. He was already over it.
Hermione didn’t make it far. She and Ron had barely reached the stone archway at the end of the corridor when her legs buckled completely, and she slumped against the wall. Ron caught her instantly, holding her tightly as she let out a sob that tore straight from the centre of her chest. “It’s our fault all of it” she gasped, voice shaking so violently she could barely force the words out. “Ron, we should’ve found something else, we should've found another way, we knew Severus couldn't take all that power and we ” “Hermione” “We killed him,” she sobbed. “We killed Severus. Harry’s right.” Ron cupped her face, forcing her to look at him even through the blur of tears.
“No,” he said firmly, though his voice cracked on the word. “We were trying to save Harry. We didn’t want, we didn’t think, Severus made that choice” Hermione slammed her fist weakly against his chest, sobbing harder. “That’s the problem, Ron! We didn’t think, we didn’t give Severus a choice, we just told him to do what was needed, we didn’t give either of them” Her voice collapsed, breaking into uncontrollable crying as she fell against him. Ron wrapped both arms around her, burying his face in her hair, holding her as tightly as he dared. “I know,” he whispered, eyes burning. “I know and he might never forgive us.” Hermione’s answer was another sob that shook through both their bodies. Behind them, far down the corridor, Harry’s screams still echoed ragged and soul-splintering. Hermione flinched every time the sound reached her, as if each one cut into her skin. Ron closed his eyes, tightening his hold. “He’s not the only one broken tonight,” he whispered. But even he knew: Harry’s grief was on another level entirely. A level none of them would ever be able to understand. A level they had caused, whether they meant to or not.
It took Remus nearly ten minutes to get Harry off the floor not because Harry was fighting him now no, that explosive, furious energy had burned itself out. This was different. This was the collapse after the storm. Harry’s legs were useless, trembling violently whenever Remus tried to lift him. His hands kept slipping from Remus’s robes, reaching reflexively toward the door, toward the hallway where Severus’s body had just been taken through. His face was blotchy, streaked with dried tears and fresh ones, his breaths sharp and uneven like he was choking on air. “Easy,” Remus murmured, guiding him carefully, “Harry, I’ve got you” “No… no…” Harry breathed, voice frayed down to threads. “He, he was cold, Remus he shouldn’t have been cold h-he hates the cold, he’s always cold why didn’t why didn’t someone” His words dissolved into sobs again. Remus swallowed hard, the back of his throat burning. “I know. I know, Harry.” “You don’t,” Harry whispered, shaking his head violently as Remus lowered him onto the bed. “You don’t no one does he was still alive he was fighting he” A harsh, broken breath. “He didn’t want to die alone. He… he promised me. He promised…”
Remus pulled the blankets around him, tucking them gently over Harry’s shaking body like he used to do when Harry was a schoolboy having nightmares. Harry curled in on himself, arms wrapped around his ribs like he was holding his insides together. Then a whisper so soft Remus barely heard it: “Severus… please… come back…” Remus nearly broke right there. He lifted a trembling hand, brushing Harry’s hair from his forehead. “I’m here.” Harry flinched at the touch. “Not you, I don't want you,” he whispered. “Not you this time.” Remus lowered his hand and sat beside him in silence. Because there was nothing left he could say.
Sirius hadn’t moved; he was still pressed against the hallway wall just beside Harry’s door, hands trembling so violently he dug his nails into his palms to stop it. He could hear every sound from inside every sob, every gasp, every shattered whisper of Severus’s name and every single one cut into him like a blade. He sank down until he was sitting on the cold stone floor, head in his hands. The corridor smelled faintly of potions and metal, Severus's scent lingering like a ghost. “I’m sorry,” Sirius muttered into his palms. “I’m so sorry, kiddo. I should’ve… I don’t know. Something. Anything.” The guilt ate at him like acid. He was the one who took the photo. He was the one who got them exposed Severus being back. He was the one who set off the chain reaction that ended like this. He would never stop loving Harry not the way Severus had, but still deeply, fiercely, in his own reckless way and knowing that he had played any part in Harry’s devastation made Sirius want to tear at his own hair. Another broken sob came from inside Harry’s room. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut.
“Damn it, Prongs,” he whispered, voice cracking as he stared up at the ceiling. “Why did you leave me to do this alone? Why’d you leave the boy with me of all people? He should never have been left with me all i have done is fucked it up” He waited. Listened, wanted desperately to go inside but Remus had been right. Harry didn’t need him. Harry needed the man who had just died and Sirius had absolutely no idea how Harry was supposed to survive that.
Harry’s quarters weren’t close. That made it worse, not better. Hours had passed since Severus was taken away. Students had been ushered into their dormitories. The chaos had settled to a numb, heavy quiet, students were not told what had happened there were rumours but nothing had been confirmed yet. But they all heard Harry’s screams and they still carried down the hallways. Hermione sat on the window seat of the quarters she had been staying in a thick blanket wrapped around her shoulders, face buried in her hands. Her body shuddered every time another sound echoed down the corridor not words, not now, just raw, animal grief tearing itself free. Ron sat beside her, shoulder pressed against hers, staring into the fire with eyes that didn’t blink often enough. “He’s… he’s not stopping,” Hermione whispered, voice hoarse. “Ron, he’s still,he’s still screaming.” Ron swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
Hermione wiped her eyes roughly. “It’s my fault,” she whispered. “I agreed to the procedure. I convinced Kingsley that we needed Severus. I told myself I was saving Harry, b-but I never ever stopped to think about Severus, hes strong i never thought that it would kill him, i knew the dark magic was strong but its Severus he can endure anything that is thrown at him, he always has” Ron leaned his head back against the wall, jaw tight. “Hermione, we were all scared. We didn’t think. We just knew that Severus could fix it ""That’s the problem!” she snapped, tears spilling again. “We didn’t think! We made a decision about Harry’s life, about Severus’s life, we didn’t give them a choice we just, we just took him”
Harry’s voice rose again, a guttural, broken wail that shook the walls. Hermione crumpled. Ron pulled her against him, holding her as she sobbed. He rested his chin on top of her head, eyes burning fiercely. “He loved him,” Ron whispered. “He really loved him, Hermione. And we took him, but Severus would have come willingly for Harry as he did, he made the choice to save Harry.” Hermione curled into herself, hands fisting in the fabric of Ron’s jumper. “We didn’t mean to,” she whispered. “No,” Ron agreed quietly. “But that doesn’t make it hurt him any less.” The fire crackled softly as Harry’s screams echoed through the tower again. Hermione flinched each time. Neither of them slept. Not that night. Maybe not ever again.