Chapter Text
When I wake up again it’s light outside this time, the suns rays fall across my face. I stretch as I sit up. My eyes feel sore and dry from the crying I did last night, or was it this morning? I can’t tell, my head is pounding. My maid walks in to help me get changed, all I want to do is bury my head in the pillows and groan. I don’t, instead I hop up and laugh with her while she tightens my corset and laces up my boots. She leaves me to fix my hair, I look into the mirror and my reflection shows puffy eyes. My hair is in braids from sleep, I untie them and let my curls fall loosely. I don’t look terrible…I think, so I make my way down stairs to the less elegant but no less beautiful dining room for breakfast. The last person I am prepared to see is there. Lily. “Good morning, Pandora.” She says cautiously, like if she talks to much I might turn and run. Shes sat at the very middle of the table, no one else is here it’s just me and her. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. My eyes dart around the room scanning for someone, anyone. She picks up on my distress “Look Pandora, Im not here to fight or interrogated you, I’ll leave if you want. I just miss you.” She looks so sad, it breaks my heart. But I can’t have her here. I nod my head, staring at the floor. She looks crestfallen, my heart is screaming to reach out and hold her, to tell her how much I want her. I can’t have her, I am promised to James, to unit our kingdoms and keep me in line. It’s better not lead her on, but how my heart yearns for her. I crave the touch of her skin and the heat of her mouth on mine. If I had it my way I would open her up and crawl behind her ribs and into the space near her heart, even if I could never be apart of it I would be content to listen to it beat for eternity. She is my everything and the only thing that riches will buy, being princess has privileges beyond compare, I know that. But knowing I will never have her makes this place my hell. My appetite is thoroughly ruined so I leave the dining room. In stead of moping I spend the day helping the garden staff, despite their protests they know I truly want to help. The work is easy but under the hot sun burns on my back, it’s much easier than thinking about my predicament. And then I’m planting lilies and I feel sick again. I thank the gardener Remus for letting me help him. I like Remus he’s quiet but secretly Hes a big softy. He thinks I don’t know it but I see how he stares at Sirius. I wipe my grubby hands on my dress and walk to my room. I meant only to lie down for a minute but soon my eyes are blinking slower and eventually shutting as I slip into sleep.
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It hurts. It all hurts. Tears sting my eyes, Pandora telling me to leave? Looking petrified when she saw me? What happened, what have they done to my Pandora? My tears are free flowing now. I go to the only place I can think of, a small pub on the outskirts of town called “The Three BroomSticks”. I notice how sore my feet, it feels like I’m dragging myself along. I sigh and think about how much walking I’ve done for these past five years. Walking was not the hardship though; it was the soldiers we lost. Not even the ones I knew, those hurt of course, but people I couldn’t even name. That hurts. I will never know their life, the memories and their smiles. No, all I know is their death, the pain and anguish they had endured in their final moments. I feel tears shedding from my eyes again and quickly wipe them away. The pub is close know I only have to walk a little further. I make my way to the door and am stopped by the person at the front door, “How old are you, Miss?” It takes all my restraint not to laugh, I am a soldier, obviously Im old enough. “I promise you I am of age-I fought in the war.” I reply, wincing a tad at how quickly I had added on that last part. He smiles “Welcome home, hero.” He says and lets me through. I walk straight up to the bar and sit on one of the damaged stools. “What can I get you?” The bartender asks. “Anything with alcohol in it.” I reply sombrely. Missing Pandora hurts, but it hurts a lot more sober. He brings me a cup of a brown liquid that smells terrible, I gulp it down anyways, desperate to escape it all. The night blurs together, drink after drink my vision get blurrier. Eventually I must have blacked out because the next time I wake up I am not drinking anymore. I sit up and stretch my head aches from last night’s activities, Im thankful that I have not woke to find someone laying next to me. I look around the room and realise Im in a room upstairs in the pub, it’s better than the street and it’s not as if I have anywhere to go. My parents wouldn’t even look at me when I said I was going to be a knight in the war, they wanted me to settle down with a nice man and have kids, unfortunately for my parents I have no interest in men. Kids maybe but there is no way for me to have kids now. I don’t feel strong enough to face the day just yet so I lay back down and stare at the ceiling. Maybe there’s no need to hurry back just yet.