Chapter Text
Mike isn't as oblivious as some people may believe him to be.
He has been vaguely aware that his feelings for Will differ to how boys normally feel towards their male friends for a long time.
This became screamingly apparent in the longing and sadness he felt when Will moved away from Hawkins. When he found himself writing 'love Mike' at the end of unsent letters to his friend. When his stomach acid burned at Eleven informing him that Will was interested in someone. When he dreamt of his friend and imagined his friend rather than his girlfriend in the middle of the night.
He has known for a long time (at least on a subconscious level) that his feelings went beyond platonic.
Moments flash through his mind like clips from a highlight reel as he recalls these clues to his own feelings.
The sight of Will looking tall and handsome at the airport when he greets Mike, Mike feeling his stomach clench in joy and something else at the sight.
Will's soft gaze and kind words as he talks about the painting that El commissioned. Their knees are touching in the back of a pizza van, and he feels disappointed when Will adds that the painting was commissioned by El rather than Will's creation alone.
Will looking coy and shy at walking around his home in a towel after forgetting his change of clothes down in the basement.
Their shared laughter as they talk into the night after movie nights.
Millions of tiny moments flood his mind as he reflects on what Lucas said to him.
The thing is Mike is also aware that being gay isn't a bad thing. After you look death in the face a few times, suddenly who someone is sexually attracted to is no longer a big deal... But it's similar to how he views deaf people. He doesn't look down on someone without hearing, but he wouldn't want to be in their shoes.
He has heard the whispered comments between his parents about the two women who live together on Maple Street. He'd witnessed his father grumble and turn the TV over when there is talk of the AIDS epidemic. Maybe at a stretch his mum may accept it, but his dad he's not sure about.
All of these factors add up to Mike burying his head in the sand and pushing those pesky feelings and thoughts away when they pop up.
It's not that he is lying.
He does care for El, and he does love her. He can see objectively that she is pretty, and he enjoys her company. Sometimes he wonders if it's real love though.
When he sees the passion between Nancy and Jonathan or the shared laughter and banter between Max and Lucas he wonders if it should be more.
When he feels more at ease and more heard by Will than with El he ponders how his life could be instead, but the idea of the rejection from his family makes him actively fight those thoughts. He can keep things how they are and still have the closeness with Will without the hassle.
You put up and you shut up to be normal, that's what everyone does isn't it?
______
A few hours later the team are all reunited and barely have time to hug and catch up before they launch into strategizing around Vecna and rescuing the kids.
Mike is very aware that this is an important discussion and he should be contributing right now, but he has never felt so spaced out in his life. It's like the world has disappeared into static around him and he's lost in his racing thoughts.
His mind is whirring. He thinks of Holly, of his parents in hospital. He thinks of the kids who are taken, and guilt that he couldn't protect them. He thinks he never made enough fuss over being reunited with El and whether she is upset with him. Finally he worries about Will. It's amazing that he now has powers, but does this mean he's going to be more unsafe? What if when they kill Vecna, Will also dies? What if...
There is a hand on his shoulder and he startles.
It's Will of course. Will always detects when he isn't ok.
He gestures his head subtly to the door outside. Mike frowns and shakes his head.
They silently argue with their eye movements and gestures about whether to leave the room before Will surprisingly grabs him by the shoulders and steers him out of the doors.
He notices Will give Robin a silent gesture which Mike assumes means cover for me. Mike feels jealousy burn in his stomach again, immediately followed by guilt.
They make it outside to the telegraph post before speaking to avoid the others hearing.
"What's going on Mike?"
"Nothing, I'm just tired... We should be back there helping with the planning." He huffs.
Will rolls his eyes. "You wasn't even listening back there, so don't give me that crap"
Mike startles. A strange thrill goes through him at Will's assertive tone and the fact his friend had been observing him.
"I was I..." Will simply looks at him with a sceptical expression and he folds. "Fine you're right I was spaced out, thanks for snapping me out of it, now let's go back there..."
He attempts to march back into the room but Will stops him, a hand on each of his shoulders.
"Let me go!" He growls quietly through gritted teeth.
"I will when you talk to me Mike, I can see something is wrong and I want to help you."
His tone has shifted, it's gentle, caring. Mike feels his eyes welling up in response.
Suddenly it's like every worry and every thought rushes back to his mind at once. His anxiety climbs higher and higher and his breathing getting more and more intense.
"Will, seriously just let me go back there."
"No Mike, I want to help you, I know you aren't ok and you need to open up to someone."
He frowns. "I don't need to open up to anyone, I'll open up when I want to open up."
Will must see something in his eyes as his expression shifts into resignation. He pulls away and lets Mike free from his grip.
"Ok you are totally right, I'm sorry... I was just worried about you."
Mike nods frowning and begins to walk back into the base.
He's annoyed to feel the panic creeping back up his throat. The tears he's been fighting all day start to well up in his eyes. His hands begin shaking.
He stops.
"Mike..." Will says hesitantly behind him.
Suddenly the tidal wave of emotion is rushing out of him.
"Ok fine Will, you're right, just like you're always right." He throws his arms up and turns around. He begins pacing in front of the other somewhat manically. "I am worried. I'm fucking terrified and I can't focus right now." He pulls a hand angrily through his own hair, body overwhelmed with feeling. "How the hell am I meant to sit there and pretend I'm not terrified when almost everything in my life is falling apart?"
He breathes for a moment gathering his thoughts, before launching into the list of things bothering him. "My parents are in hospital, Hollie has been kidnapped and it's all my fault." His eyes well up with tears, and he wipes them angrily. "All the other kids we tried to save we couldn't, and god knows what's going to happen to them? Also Eleven has come back from a day in the upside down and I have barely even thought of her, what the hell is wrong with me?" He is breathing erratically and now tears are streaming down his face. He is aware that he may be talking more than he should be now, but it's like his mouth is on a motor. "And my best friend just sprouted badass powers, which is amazing but what if that means he's more in danger?" He finds himself almost weeping and shaking by the end.
All the while Will watches on with his kind and compassionate expression. This is how Will always is in these situations, calm in even the darkest of moments. It's another reason that Mike lov... Cares for him as he does.
When he can see that Mike is finished talking he approaches him timidly, like he is a wild animal about to strike, arms in the air. "Mike.." His voice is as gentle as his tone. "Can I hug you right now?"
Before he can stop himself Mike throws himself toward his friend in an embrace reminiscent of the time he sought comfort from his mother when he thought Will's body had been found. He is sobbing into his arms. All the while Will holds him, he feels hands smoothing through his hair and Will gives some gentle sounds of comfort.
After a few moments Mike pulls away, the worst of the emotional tide has been swept away leaving embarrassment behind. "I'm sorry about that, I just... It's a lot you know." He laughs awkwardly. "I bet you regret asking me what's wrong now."
Will doesn't laugh along, but instead looks at him gently. "No Mike, you needed to let that out. I can't imagine how much all that is getting to you... I feel upset about the Wheelers and they aren't even my family!" Mike nods sadly and Will does smile at him. "And you're right, it has been alot, it's not every day you discover you have magic powers that your friend predicted."
They look at each other comfortingly for a moment, while Mike wipes away the remainder of his tears. He hates to admit it, but he does feel a tiny bit lighter having shared his fears. Will is looking at him and holding him like he is something precious, and he feels his face warming under the brown gaze.
Will looks behind him and into the radio shack squinting. "The others are still planning, I don't think they've even noticed us step out, come on."
Before Mike can question it his friend grabs him by the hand and pulls him back toward the building. They made it to the back of the room, and Will pulls him into the shadowy corner as though in a spy movie. He seems to be scanning to make sure that everyone is distracted, and when an opening becomes available he nods at Mike silently, gesturing to the door leading upstairs. Mike found himself following without question, a strange urge to burst into laughter at his antics.
They make it upstairs without being questioned and Mike lets out the laughter. "Ok Super Spy, just because you unlocked some magic powers suddenly you are James Bond as well as a sorcerer." He raises an eyebrow. Will laughs pushing him gently in the chest, making Mike's stomach flip over in response.
"Well it was either here or going further into the woods for some privacy, and I don't think my mom could stand another shock like that after the last few days."
Mike smiles, and lets himself be lead to the sofa to continue their talk. He is feeling some residual embarrassment from his earlier outburst mixed with relief at finally getting his worries out there.
They settle side by side, knees knocking gently, and Mike feels the warmth of Will's thigh beside his own like it's the focus of his universe. It was these sorts of moments that had been coming thicker and faster into Mike's awareness over the last 18 months.
"So let's break it down... Firstly you said the stuff about your family being hurt?" Mike nods. "But you also said you are to blame for that... Please explain to me."
Mike fidgets with his fingernails, looking down as he explains. "Well Nancy pointed out that if we told them what's been going on, if we explained about the upside down and Vecna that maybe they would have been more cautious. Maybe they would have been prepared for something like this." He feels his eyes welling up slightly as he recounts their discussion.
Will observes him with a soft none judgemental expression, but a brief look of anger crosses his face at the mention of Nancy's comment.
"And you keep thinking - what if?" Mike nodded. He paused for a moment, considering.
"My mum told me recently that she blames herself for my being in the upside down because she didn't check on me straight after her shift." Will looks far away as he talks, clearly recalling their conversation. "The thing is even if she had, the police still would have needed longer to take her seriously... If I was missing I was missing and how quickly she knew that didn't change that"
Mike nods along in agreement.
Will suddenly looks at him seriously, confidently and for some reason it made him feel the same awe as when his arms were out in front of him killing the Demogorgons. Will was looking more and more like a leader every day and it suited him.
"You seen the army trying to kill those things Mike, they never made a dent. Even if your parents knew about the Demogorgons would they have been able to destroy them and save Hollie?" Mike scrunched his face in thought for a moment, but he had to admit Will had a point. "They might have bought time, but then who knows it could be Nancy injured with your family too..."
"Nancy had El with her though..."
Will rolls his eyes and sighs. Damn stubborn Wheelers.
"Alright fine, the point I'm making though is there's no point in torturing yourself with 'what ifs' - what if I had discovered my powers sooner and I saved everyone Mike?"
Mike suddenly felt protective, fierce. "No you can't think like that Will!"
Will smiled, a little smug. "So why are you allowed too?"
Mike frowns before laughing a little. "I wish you were there to help me fight Nancy, you put up a much better argument than I did."
Will's smile turns warm. Mike couldn't help but admire all the expressions of Will's face, he cared and felt so damn strongly... Mike wishes he could open himself up in the same way.
Mike did feel a little better with this chat, and he eyed Will's hand, the urge to touch him in gratitude welling in his sternum. He thinks fuck it, and touches the tips of his fingers gently. He feels pleased when Will gently returns the contact, placing their joined hands beside himself on the sofa.
Mike suddenly felt coy at the fact he was holding his friend's hand, but reassured himself that they used to do this all the time as children.
He was relieved when Will broke the silence first. "So what were those other worries hmm." He felt Will brush a gentle finger over the top of his hand.
He was grateful for the darkness as his nerves felt aflame, and his cheeks got suddenly warmer. Why did such a small contact feel so intense?
"I guess what you said applies to those other situations... I guess there is no point in beating ourselves up over what happend and focus on saving them" He suddenly felt more confident that they could. "When did you get so wise?"
Will smirks. "Well I think you came up with Will the wise when we where about 8 years old if I recall?" Mike pokes him in annoyance with his free hand and Will laughs softly. "No I guess...having a neurotic mother you get pretty good at calming people down." He whispers the last part secretively.
Mike despite himself couldn't help comparing this moment with all the countless similar times he's had with El.
Will always knows exactly what to say to ease the panic in his chest. It's like he has a guidance manual instructing the perfect button combination to help Mike calm down.
El and him together however... It's like they both have been given the German instruction manuals. They can club together a solution sometimes, but it always feels a little clunky.
Suddenly their moment is broken, and Mike rushes to remove his hand in guilt.
It is Lucas in the doorway. He eyes the two of them with a raised brow for a moment before rolling his eyes. "Come on guys, we need you down here... Will is kind of crucial to our plan now."
Will rolls his eyes in turn. "Suddenly all the pressure, guys come on... I suddenly know how Eleven feels." He jokes.
He eyes Mike silently for a moment, a silent 'are you ok to go back there?'
Mike nods and mimes 'thanks'.
Will goes ahead of him, galloping down the stairs, and Lucas stays behind.
His friend suddenly eyes him a little, realising that perhaps there was a valid reason for their moment away from the group. "You ok dude?"
Mike laughs at the difference in approach between his two friends. "Yeah I'm good, Will helped me out."
Lucas nods and grabs his shoulder in a friendly pat as he walks past.
He is startled when the other doesn't let go, and when he faces his friend in question he is eying Mike with a raised brow.
"Remember what I said in the tunnel dude."
His stomach turns nervously at the reminder, as if I could forget. It's practically all I've been thinking about.
Aloud he simply nods.
"Good, you seriously need to sort this out, I don't know how much more pining I can take!"
Mike scowls.
Lucas grabs Mike's hand and looks at him with wide yearning eyes. "Oh Will you are so wise" he mimicks softly, eyes batting animatedly.
Mike shoves him angrily and Lucas bursts into laughter.
They bicker and joke their way back down the stairs.
Mike can't help but flush when Will looks at him questioningly on his arrival. He feels a hot sensation in his cheeks and he shakes his head, rolling his eyes. Just Lucas being a douche. He mimes.
Will smiles and returns his attention to the front of the room, Hopper and Joyce are currently at each others throats arguing strategy and planning Vs risks.
Mike feels a little calmer than before. Suddenly his decision didn't feel quite as daunting, and he felt that maybe he should bring out Mike the brave to tackle this situation with El.
He doesn't notice that it isn't just Will who is looking at him questioningly. The other person looks pretty hurt at being ignored, and Mike is oblivious.
Maybe the hands of fate will take the decision from him?