Chapter Text
The night of the ball was finally here.
Penelope could hardly believe it. She helped her sisters get ready, as she always did, while they insulted and taunted her, as they always did. Tonight, however, she could not bring herself to care, not when she felt as though she were bursting at the seams with excitement. Tonight, she would be there with her family, and they would have no idea, there was something rather thrilling about that. From now on, she would not have to live vicariously through their descriptions, she would get to experience it herself. It did not feel real.
“Make sure to clean the house while we are gone,” Portia told her as they were at the door. “Just because we are not here, that does not give you an excuse to be lazy. I want every room to be spotless when I return.”
“Yes mama,” Penelope replied the same way she always did, they had this conversation every time her family left for a ball without her. She would have time to clean the house after the night was over, as long as she remembered to leave at midnight.
“Good,” she said, “And I better not see any moping from you tomorrow about not attending the ball, Penelope. The last thing I need is a useless, brooding child.”
Somehow, that piece of snark never became easier to hear. “There shall be no brooding from me tomorrow, mama.”
Well, at least that was true. How could she possibly brood tomorrow after having, what she was sure was going to be, the best night of her life?
“Good,” her mother nodded. “We will be back later tonight, do make yourself useful while we’re gone.”
And with that, she got into the carriage with her sisters. Penelope watched as the carriage left, becoming smaller and smaller the further it went. She waited until it was out of sight and then grinned to herself. It was time.
“Genevieve.” she whispered, into the night air. “Genevieve, it is safe to come into my house now.”
And then, just like some fairy godmother from the fairy tales Penelope loved to dream about so much, the seamstress appeared out of nowhere, a grin on her face. She felt a thrill run through her.
“Penelope,” she began, a sparkle of excitement in her eye betraying the calmness of her voice. “Let’s get you ready for the ball.”
xxx
“Are you excited for tonight?”
“Oh yes, I cannot remember the last time I felt excitement like this,” Penelope responded with a grin while Genevieve added the finishing touches to her hair. “Thank you again for helping me, I appreciate it greatly.”
“I am never at the balls, I prefer more of an… underground party,” the seamstress said with a smirk. “I simply refuse to miss the chance to see you in your dress.”
“The dress is truly a masterpiece, I cannot thank you enough,” Penelope replied, running her hands over the skirt, the fabric felt like a cloud under her fingertips.
“There is no need to thank me,” she smiled. “Only the best for Colin’s mystery maiden.”
She giggled. “Is that what he has called me?”
“Once or twice, perhaps,” she laughed alongside her. “Fitting, is it not?”
“Yes, I suppose so,” Pen agreed, grinning.
Genevieve looked at her, pride glittering in her expression. “I think you’re ready.”
Penelope turned to look at herself in the full length she had stolen from her older sister’s room, and when she saw herself, she felt all of the air slip out of her lungs. The dress… She could hardly believe that it was real, that she was truly looking at herself, she almost felt as though she was looking at a stranger in her reflection. She had never looked as- as lovely as she did in this moment- and it saddened her to think that she never would again, but she pushed that part of her down. Tonight was not a night for sadness. No, not all. Tonight was the night. Her dreams, her happiness, it was all in the palm of her hands, she would not damage this gift that had been given to her by tainting it with any sort of melancholy.
“Are you all right?”
“I am wonderful,” she said truthfully, smiling with pure joy as she adjusted her mask slightly. “I just… I do not believe I have ever felt this beautiful before.”
She was not sure that she had ever felt beautiful at all, but that was a different conversation.
Genevieve returned her smile, it was soft, yet somehow laced with pride. “You are a masterpiece, mon cherie.”
“The dress is the masterpiece, Genevieve.”
“A dress can only be as good as the woman who wears it,” she countered instantly. “The ballroom will be in awe of you.”
“I truly cannot thank you enough for this.”
“That is unnecessary,” she brushed off her gratitude. “I only have one request for you.”
“Which is?”
“You come to my shop the day after the ball and tell me everything.”
Penelope grinned. “I can most certainly do that.”
“Excellent,” the seamstress looked at her with a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. “Now, how would you possibly feel about wearing a slipper made of glass?”
She scoffed amusedly. “I’m afraid I value my feet far too much for that. A pair of normal heels shall suffice.”
“I thought you would say that, so lucky for you, I brought both,” Genevieve said, pulling out two pairs of heels. Penelope had to admit, the glass slippers did look beautiful, so much so that she nearly forgot that they were two tiny traps of death. Nearly. “The glass slippers are merely something I am experimenting with.”
“Well, if you ever find a way where I will be able to wear them without feeling as though my demise is imminent, do let me know,” Penelope giggled.
“Why of course,” she laughed in return. “You really do need to be going or you will be late.”
Penelope nodded, rushing to the door, she turned back to her friend and promised, “I shall tell you everything tomorrow.”
“I look forward to it,” she grinned. “Are you feeling ready for the ball?”
She smiled because, despite the ball of nerves settled uncomfortably in her stomach, there was a confidence in her veins too. It was something Penelope was not used to feeling, but intended to make the most of while she had it. “I am.”
And with that, Penelope bid Genevieve goodnight, got into the carriage awaiting her outside, and set out for the best night of her life.
xxx
The palace was rather… Large.
Realistically speaking, it was not as if that was a fact that Penelope did not already know, it was a palace after all. But still, there was something so distinctly different about knowing something and being able to see it with your own eyes. She could not help but stare at the steps in front of her, up to the castle that held all of her dreams. It was all within her reach, all she had to do was take the first to claim it.
And that was exactly what she did.
She moved slowly, partially trying to process that this was all really happening and partially trying to savour the fact that it was happening at all. To her, every moment of the night was a snowflake, each one beautifully unique, no two moments would be exactly the same, and she would never be able to find another one. Just as snowflakes did, these moments would melt away with the sun into distant memories, but they would remain hers to live in under tonight’s moon, and the moon was not going anywhere anytime soon.
Penelope did her best to recall the instructions Eloise and Colin had told her to help her navigate the castle. It did not take long before she reached the ballroom. She smiled as she entered, taking in the pure magic of the atmosphere, it floated through the room so seamlessly, it was impossible to miss. She went to the balcony, eyes scanning the room to find any signs of Colin or Eloise. The last thing she expected was for a head to turn, then another, and then another one after that.
Before she knew it, every eye in the room was on her.
Well… that was unexpected. Penelope knew that there would be stares in her direction once she began talking to Colin, she did not think those stares would begin before she even got to see him.
Each stare burned into her in a way that was intimidating but not off-putting. Penelope expected to feel the urge to run, and perhaps there was a small part of her that still wished to, but she also felt an odd sense of calmness. She had been preparing for this night for so long, nothing could scare her off. She reached the end of the stairs, still not quite able to pinpoint Colin or Eloise, but then the crowd parted, and there at the end of the room, the prince stood, staring at her with awe and admiration in his eyes, and something that looked suspiciously close to love.
He certainly played his part well. What an impressive actor he was, if Penelope did not know better, she would think that that love in his eyes was real.
Grinning, she walked briskly towards him, and he ended up meeting her in the middle of the room. Penelope curtsied, just as she’d been practicing for weeks. “Your highness.”
She could see the glint of displeasure in his eyes as he went to correct her and then stopped himself. It only made her smile wider. “Good evening, miss. I hope I do not sound too forward, but you look beautiful tonight.”
“Thank you,” she blushed, even if the compliment was fake, it was still from Colin. “You look very handsome as well.”
He smiled warmly at her before clearing his throat. “I was hoping you would let me… I- I would very much like to… That is to say, it would be an honour to lead you in this… this…”
His flustered act was rather endearing, she could not help but smile. “Are you asking for my first dance, Prince Colin?”
“Yes- Yes, I am. It would be my greatest honour if you would allow me to lead you in this dance,” he told her firmly, holding his hand out for her. “Shall we?”
Penelope placed her hand in his, ignoring the little sparks zapping through her at the contact. “I would love to.”
They took their places, moving perfectly in sync as the music began. It was odd, they had spent so long practicing these moves together, and yet that did not feel like the reason that they danced so naturally together now. No, that was something she could not help but attribute to the fact that it was them. Two people who felt truly comfortable and safe around one another. In truth, Penelope would not trust her first dance with anybody except for Colin. As he twirled her around the room, she could not help but notice how everyone (and she was not exaggerating, when she said everyone, she meant it quite literally) was looking at them. She knew that it was coming, had practically expected it, and yet she still was not prepared for the anxiety that came with the reality of it.
“Everyone is staring at us,” she whispered to him.
“I do not believe it is me that they stare at,” he replied softly, the smile on his face matching the look in his eyes. Colin leaned closer to her. “Do not worry about them. It is just us. It has only ever been just us.”
And as Penelope stared into his eyes, she believed him. And so, they danced the night away, and everyone continued to stare at them, but she paid no attention. In her world, it was only her and Colin, and she quite liked it that way.
xxx
She was breath-taking.
It was the first thought Colin had as he watched Pen enter the ballroom. He had always thought her to be beautiful, from the moment he met her he had noticed it, but he was not sure he had ever truly appreciated that fact until tonight, until she stood before the entire kingdom and made every beautiful sight he thought he had ever seen feel dull in comparison to her. All she did was smile, that nervous smile that she got when she was attempting not to let her anxieties get the better of her, and it had his knees feeling suddenly weak. She walked towards him, and he could not believe that he was the lucky man that was going to be keeping her company all night. In fact, he was so overcome by that fact, that he apparently lost all of his words. That might have been the least charming he had ever been when asking a woman to dance, but Penelope still smiled at him nonetheless. He had not realised just how pretty her smile was.
And then they danced.
God, their dance.
Colin could have sworn that the rest of the world disappeared, the entire kingdom gone in the blink of an eye. His vision was solely Penelope, and he rather liked it that way. He was a man who quite enjoyed the dance floor, but never as much as he had with Pen. Dancing with her was simply different. It felt simpler, warmer. She fit so perfectly in his arms, their movements smooth in a way they never had been with anyone else. With Penelope, it was effortless, he did not have to think about the steps for a second. Everything just felt right.
All of this being said, as much as he loved dancing with Pen, he was also quite glad to whisk her away from the ballroom as soon as he found the chance for the two of them to slip away.
They were currently on their way to the gardens, he watched as Penelope’s eyes flittered everywhere, filled to the brim with complete awe. It was a rather endearing sight. “What do you think of the palace?”
“Oh, Colin, it is magnificent,” she grinned, her words dripping with pure sincerity. “Truly, my greatest dreams could not compare to this.”
Her adoring stare as she took in her surroundings was so endearing, it brought butterflies to his stomach. Still, as he watched her move around the castle, there was another sensation festering inside of him, a curious one. “Pen, may I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Why have you never been to the castle before?” he questioned as they reached the gardens. He and Penelope walked to a bench bathed in moonlight and sat down.
“You know why, Colin. You know that my mother has never allowed to me to go to a ball before-”
“Yes, I am aware of that, but I am not asking about why you have never been to a ball, I am asking why you have never come to the castle at all,” Colin clarified. “You have practically had an open invitation to visit from the moment you met Eloise.”
She hesitated for a moment and then said softly, “it is not my place.”
He should have seen that answer coming, he supposed, it was the answer he knew she had been giving Eloise for as long as they’ve known her. Still, it did not make any sense to him. “What do you mean by that?”
“Colin, I am a market girl,” she explained. “What place would a girl like me possibly have in a setting like this?”
“Well, first of all, you are not just a market girl, you are so much more than that,” he rebutted her point. “And, second of all, why do you talk as if there are requirements you must meet to have a place here at all? Your place in this castle is mine and Eloise’s dearest friend, is that not enough?”
“I am your dearest friend?”
He blinked at her. “Of course you are, did you not already know that?”
“No, I…” she trailed off before shaking her head. “That is a separate point. What you are saying is very sweet, Colin, but this simply is not my world. I am not supposed to be in grand castles and have those sorts of luxuries, it’s simply not meant to be a part of my world.”
“I do not understand why you think that.”
Penelope seemingly considered his statement for a moment before responding. “It is what I have been taught, I suppose. I know what my world is, and I know my place in it.”
“And what is your place, exactly?”
“My place is not only in the markets, it is with my family,” she explained. “Small indulgences and reprieves are fine, but there must also be limits. I love spending time with you and your sister more than words can say, but our worlds are very different, it cannot be denied, and I cannot allow myself to become so immersed in your world that I become lost to my own. Being in the castle, spending time with your family, it would be wonderful, but I also know that it would make returning to my real life all the harder.”
He understood, to an extent at least, but he still found himself wanting to ask questions. “It would?”
She hesitated and then nodded, a sad smile on her face that did not suit her. He much preferred her usual smile, the one that never failed to make him smile as well. “Status aside, I hardly think it is a secret that our families are not particularly similar. You grew up in a family, where love never had to be earned, it was given freely. I have never met any of your siblings except for El and, even to me, it is so clear that you love each other. There is not an ounce of obligation behind it.”
She was right, every part of the love in his heart was his choice to keep, and not one piece was there out of familial obligation. He loved his family because they were his support system, his shoulders to lean on, even if he had issues with them, and they with him, he would not trade the family he had for anything.
“And your family is…”
Awful. Terrible. Unbelievably moronic given their poor treatment of Pen.
Somehow, he knew better than to say any of that aloud.
“My family is tolerant at best and downright resentful of me at worst,” she admitted quietly. “They have always been that way, even before my father died. Love was always something we had to prove ourselves worthy of, and I have always come up short. I think, to go from your family- one that is so kind and lovely and warm- to mine, cold, unattached and generally unfeeling- it would be like walking from a sunny day straight into a blizzard. It would simply be too much for me.”
He frowned. “I wish that your family would be kinder to you. Your loyalty to them is an act of grace if I ever saw one.”
“We cannot choose the family we are born into, but once we have them, we must make do,” Penelope said. “This is the family that I have, and they need me to look after them, so I do. It is not grace, it is… life, I suppose.”
Colin wished Penelope’s family would think more similarly to her, perhaps then they would feel the same compulsion to look after her the way she did for them. “You are a very kind woman, Pen.”
“Thank you, Colin,” Penelope smiled, a bashful blush peeking out from under her mask. “Do you understand now why I do not come to the castle? I love my family, I always will, but I know exactly who they are, and the situation that I must live with. I do not want to complicate that further for myself by getting too attached to a world I will never be able to fully live in, because that is the world I will constantly be yearning for and that is simply something I cannot afford to do. I know the word that I must live in, and I also know that having reprieves are important. That is what you and El for me, my dearest friends, the best reprieves I could ever ask for. The lines are clearly drawn, blurring them would simply be too painful for me. That is why I do not spend time with you here, being in your presence is an indulgence enough for me. It is all I need to make my life better.”
Colin understood her logic, though he could not say that he agreed. A part of him wanted to keep pushing, keep arguing against her logic, but he did not want to spoil the night. This was her one chance to experience her dreams coming true, he was not going to dampen that excitement by reminding her of the life that waited for her once the night was over. “This night must be your biggest indulgence of all, then.”
“Yes, most definitely,” she agrees with an instant. “It is the true definition of a once in a lifetime opportunity.”
“And Genevieve was right to tell you to make the most of it,” he grinned, standing up and bringing him with her. He took her hand and twirled her.
“Colin!” she giggled, going along with him as he pulled her into yet another dance and waltzed her around the garden. “If you wish to dance, we can go back inside, you know.”
“No, no, I only wish to spend time with you right now,” he confessed to her. “I would like to spend some time as just Colin and Pen, not the prince and his mystery maiden.”
Penelope grinned at him, something she had surely done a thousand times before, but now it made his stomach swoop in a way that left him breathless. “Well, as long as we are out here, I think we can make that happen.”
“Does that mean I can take off your mask?” he asked, using one hand to trace the edge of the offending accessory. She looked lovely in it, she really did, but, “I wish to see you. Truly see you.”
Penelope smiled at him apologetically. “I think it would be best if you did not, if someone were to come outside while my mask was off, people would know who I am, you would be forced to marry me. It would ruin all of your plans.”
Colin frowned momentarily, he had begun this entire scheme because he was opposed to getting married right now, but when he imagined marrying Penelope, his objections faded. Yes, his plan would be a failure if he ended up marrying, but that did not really feel like a bad thing, and that terrified Colin more than words could say.
“There are certainly worse fates that I can think of,” was all he said, taking on a flirtatious tone to undercut his own festering anxiety.
“Perhaps, though I imagine that being married to the kingdom’s resident wallflower ranks fairly low on the list of desired fates,” she joked, though he found no humour in it.
He was so stunned by her joke, he found himself coming to a halt. “Why on earth would you say that?”
“It was merely a jest, Colin,” she said.
“I do not see the humour behind it,” his frown remained. “I wish you would not think so lowly of yourself.”
Penelope bit her lip and shrugged. “I cannot help it. It is almost instinctual.”
“Well then, we shall have to work to change your instincts,” Colin told her.
“And how do you propose we do that?” Penelope questioned with a raised eyebrow.
“I am not sure, but we will find a way,” he replied firmly before softening. “You are amazing, Pen, and you deserve to think as much.”
“Thank you, Colin, I think you are amazing too,” she smiled as they continued to dance around the garden, the music still humming softly in the distance. “You have asked me a question. May I ask you one as well?”
“Of course. You can ask me anything.”
“What is the true reason you do not wish to marry?”
He blinked, nearly stumbling over the steps. “I beg your pardon?”
“What is the true reason you do not wish to marry?” she repeated. “I believe you when you say that it is to do with your wishes to continue with your travels, but I cannot help but feel that there is more to it as well. Once you marry, you will have your honeymoon, and then once you’ve settled down in the kingdom, there will still be opportunities for travel. It is possible for you to have both, but you seem to reject that idea in favour of continuing your life as it is now, even though I know that you wish for love. Make no mistake, I am not judging you in the slightest, I am just- Well, I suppose I am curious as to why you have that preference.”
Penelope’s ability to read him so thoroughly was truly unsettling at times. He was not sure he had ever known anyone who could see him so well, it could scare him, but it was also something he was deeply grateful for. Nobody knew him the way she did, or saw him the way she did either. It was why she was able to make such precise observations, the ones that made him half eager to bare his soul to her, and half eager to run and shut down out of fear. Being seen was a wonderful thing, but to be seen too much was something different entirely. She was a rarity in a way, his family did not see him the way Penelope did, and he could never quite shake the feeling that he was too much for them at times, he never felt that way with her. He never wanted to reach the point where he would, the mere idea terrified him.
Still, tonight, he chose to bare his soul. She had talked about her family, it was only fair.
(Besides, if he ran and shut down, she would follow and wait. Quietly, patiently, never pressuring him to talk but simply waiting until he was ready. She really was so very good.)
“It is hard to explain why I do not feel ready for marriage,” he admitted.
She smiled, sympathetically without a trace of pity. “Would you like to try?”
He bit his lip, this was not exactly the conversation he was expecting to have tonight. “I suppose… There is something I have always wanted from life, something I assumed I would have found by now, it feels wrong to marry without it.”
Curiosity seemed to pull her eyebrows up. “What is it?”
“Purpose,” Colin confessed, a weight he didn’t realise was there lifting off of his shoulders. “I have always felt a little aimless, I was born into the life of a prince, but outside of the title, I do not really know what that means to me. I certainly don’t think my purpose in life was to be a prince, how can my purpose be my birth right? The problem is that I do not know what it could be either. I need to have something that drives me in life, and I have not yet found it, but I really think I will if I keep travelling. I know that it is out there somewhere, and I will never find it if I am tied down to the kingdom. And what’s more, how am I to be a good husband to anyone if I am so aimless?”
“You are not aimless,” she objected immediately. “You do not truly believe that, do you?”
“How could I not?” Colin asked, a tad helplessly. “My siblings all have drives, passions, purposes that propel them forward in life. They have direction, meanwhile I am merely floating.”
“You are not floating, you are travelling. And you are travelling with a reason, you travel so that you may find direction,” Penelope told him, voice as sincere as sincere could be. “Colin, perhaps your way of finding purpose in life is a tad unconventional, but that does not make it any less serious, or any less meaningful. Everybody finds purpose and direction in their own ways, and there is nothing wrong with the way that you are doing it. Searching for purpose is far better than wallowing about, complaining of having no purpose and then doing nothing about it. You are trying, and that is more than enough.”
He was not sure how she did it, but Penelope always knew exactly what to say to make him feel better, it was truly a gift. “I never thought of it like that.”
She smiled gently, setting off butterflies in his stomach that caught him off guard. “Perhaps your family does not realise it, but you would not be who you are without your travels. Every experience you have had has helped to shape you into the person that you are today, that matters, Colin. And when the time is right, when you are ready for this chapter to end and let a new one begin, you will know. But until that day comes, you will let your passion for travel guide you, and it may take you in multiple directions, but that does not make you aimless. It just means you have so many directions, you simply must explore them all. To leave even one unexplored would be a great injustice to you. Right now, you need to travel, and I truly hope that one day your family will understand that.”
Affection swelled in his chest to the point where the prince thought his heart might burst. “You really are very good, you know that?”
“You may have said it a time or two over the years,” Penelope grinned at him. “Maybe more.”
“I have meant it every time,” he told with all the sincerity in the world.
Penelope looked at him for a moment before her smile suddenly shifted to something more nervous, their dance slowly coming to a stop. He was about to question her on it when she suddenly said, “Colin, I wish to tell you something.”
He grabbed her hand, hoping that that would help Penelope feel his support. “I am listening.”
“There… There is another dream that I would like to make come true tonight, but it would require you to do something and I… I cannot ask you to…”
“Pen,” his grip on her hand tightened as he leaned in a little closer and made sure she was looking at him. “I would do anything for you. You need only ask.”
Penelope bit her lip, squeezing his hands back lightly. She shut her eyes and took a breath, and when she opened them there was a newfound determination there.
“Colin… would you kiss me?”