Chapter Text
Something like
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shack
Not a person was sleeping, not even the gnome in the back;
The cameras were set by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The alpha twins were giggling all smug in the head;
While the other two recited the plan in their heads;
And Mabel in her sweater, and Dipper in his cap,
Had just lost all their gelt to their grunkle in a snap,
When inside the house there arose such a bang,
The Pines sprang from their places, weapons in hand.
Away to the kitchen, where an elf was caught with drama and clangs,
His mouth was wide open, cookies near smashed and in his nervousness he threw up the stash.
The crew thought the best and made no new foe,
When the roof of the shack shook objects below,
When what to their confused eyes did appear,
But a gleaming wood sleigh and nine hardy reindeer,
With a angry, pompous driver so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment he was no Saint Nick
More rapid than eagles his tantrums they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen!
To the stop the thief, the wayward elf!
Now we can stop them and they can surrender themself!"
As teams that before the wild finale cry,
When they meet with an Stanford, clamoured to the sky
All up to the family the elves they began,
Abandoning the sleigh full of toys, and Santa, they ran!
And then, in a twinkling, it was heard all around
The murmurings of prophecy - had Danny Shortbread done them proud?.
As the Pines put away their spellbooks and put the cross-bow down,
Down the chimney more elves came with a bound.
They were all such a blur, only barely three foot,
And Dipper sneezed and his nose burned,with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys left round the back,
And they looked like fans, but were they cheering on a hack?
His face oh so grumpy!
And his six knuckles so bumpy!
His never quiet mouth was bent low,
No beard on his chin - it was burnt away a night ago;
The elves were quite certain, this man was a sight,
They'd of course recognise a God - and on this very night!
All Hail Big Elf, they laughed as the family sneered,
As Ford went red as his new fate neared,
And after rescuing Christmas, and returning back,
Stanford couldn't help but say:
"I'm glad that's that."
But of course this was not a merry end at all,
As the Pines became much loved elves small and reindeer tall,
After all, with a smile and a joke they all helped,
And Stan got on a sleigh with little more than a yelp,
So as many more winters come and go,
The Pines family sit ready, for they know,
They might not understand their elvish godly rights,
And their lack of powers made them feel a little contrite
But as long as they helped with smiles and delight,
It was with glad hearts they could say,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
********
"See this?" Bill raged.
"The children's book?" The Axolotl hummed and scribbled something on their clip board. "What about the children's book is bothering you?"
"It's stupid is what it is! All those elves worshiping Sixer and he doesn't even care! He could have ultimate power! He could take over the world with an army of loyal sycophants and what does he do?!"
"Why don't you tell me."
"WhY dOn'T yOu TelL mE," Bill mocked, "he doesn't even want power! He's just…rejecting it!"
"Why does what Stanford does, bother you? It's not like his actions have any affect on you. Both of you lead very separate lives Bill."
"I hate this," Bill threw the book against the wall, letting it clatter onto the floor.
"I understand your feelings, but do you?"
"When do I get to go back to solitary, it's way better than all this feelings crap," Bill turned to face the wall.
"You know Bill, Stanford is not you," the Axolotl said gently.
"Of course not! I'm literally perfection! Does Fordsy have perfect angles? A beautiful top hat? NO!"
The Axolotl sighed, "I think that concludes today's session. I hope you think more on this and why it bothers you so much, Bill."
"Yeah yeah," he harrumphed.
"And Bill?" The triangle turned around with a huff and rolled his eye, saying 'what' with all the attitude of a teenager. "Happy holidays."