Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Clean up on aisle 4,” a lady’s robotic voice says. One of the endless corridors has a “Caution - Wet Floor” sign with no water in sight. Cash registers get rung up and finished with transactions, and the seasonal aisle is still up and kicking with any and every season available.

When Smitty turns around, the goddamn elevator is gone. Of course it is. It’s just rows of more and more aisles. Brian pushes past Smitty at the help desk to reach an old-fashioned intercom, the kind you’d see in old high school movies when you have to press a button on it.

There’s a pause as everyone waits for Brian to say something when he clicks the button. The cheery music comes to a halt, and the ensuing silence echoes through the store. Brian looks back, his mouth twisting into a frown. “I don’t know what code they’d say for situations like this.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Anthony demands. “Dude, we’re in a liminal grocery store. I don’t think the employees are gonna give a shit about how accurate your codes are. Didn’t you work at a place like this anyways?”

“It was Subway you asshole, that’s not the same thing!”

“It’s a soft Code Adam,” Droid says confidently, making everyone look over at him in surprise. “What? I was a security guard for a while, remember? Code Adam’s for the missing kids, but Wildcat’s not technically a lost child—I think.”

“He’s definitely a lost child,” Vanoss snorts, and on cue, everyone’s phone buzzes. Smitty looks down to see the group chat lighting up, grinning the entire time.

Wildcat: You know I can hear you assholes, right?

Wildcat: I swear to fucking god I’m gonna throw an egg at you if you fuckers treat me like a goddamn child that lost their parents

Wildcat: I’m gonna make you wish you HAD your parents!!!!!

Blarg: who the FUCK is he talking to

Blarg: homie’s finally going insane

Puffer: It was inevitable, really.

Wildcat: IM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE PUFFER

Puffer: TRY AND FIND ME FIRST BITCH!!!!!

Brian huffs out an exasperated sigh. “I’m not looking forward to getting these assholes.”

Wildcat: THE INTERCOM’S STILL ON SHITHEAD

Wildcat: WHERE ARE YOU

“Ooh, he’s in a grouchy mood today.” Vanoss beams, like this is the best news he’s heard all day. “Alright Wildcat, you know what they say when kids go missing; stay in one place the entire time so it’s easier for people to take you!”

“If he moves around, we’ll never find him.” Anthony mournfully shakes his head. “Tyler, I know you love causing chaos at a moment’s notice, but for now, I’m begging you to just stay in the same area so we can find you.”

“Or stay lost so we can move on,” Brian says, already handing the mic off to Smitty. He runs a hand through his hair, looking like he’s eyeing down the aisles. “Look, if we’re stuck here trying to find him, I might as well go shopping. I need to fix up my hair as it is.”

“Wait, lemme come with you,” Kyroz says, frantic. “I need to take off my polish and redo it before we leave. Smitty didn’t bring nail polish remover in his bag and I’ll never forgive him for this. How am I supposed to look good in this place?”

“You didn’t even ask me for that!” Smitty protests, getting drowned out by everyone else saying what they need to do. He takes his hand off the mic so Tyler doesn’t follow through on his promise to kill them. “I also don’t even own nail polish, so how could I bring it to you?”

“You could’ve ASKED!” John wails, pretending to tip over. Anthony makes a valiant effort to catch him but gives up halfway through. “I thought you could read my mind. I thought you were bae, but it turns out…you were just fam. Don’t talk to me anymore.”

“Babe,” Smitty says desperately, reaching out as Kryoz twists away and vanishes with Brian. Evan pats Smitty’s back with a bright smile. “Everything’s destined to crumble and fade eventually,” he says cheerfully. “Well, let’s go find Tyler! We can just walk around randomly and see what we can find—”

A feeling washes over the entire group. They all pause and stare at each other, looking around in shock. Smitty can’t quite put it into words, but it’s the exact same feeling he gets when he gets to hang out with his friends and have fun again. It’s nostalgia and summertime and joy all wrapped up in a singular present, and he’s desperate to keep it close.

He stares into the depths of the store and finds a slightly cooler presence staring back. One lone security camera beckons him, until the presence fades away and the camera stops blinking its red light at him.

“Man, what the FUCK was that?” Droid complains, shivering in his hoodie. “My momma said to NEVER talk to strangers like that! I don’t care how much delicious candy there is, that ain’t right man! I felt like someone just stood on my grave!”

“Didn’t ask,” Smitty says on instinct, ignoring the stink eye from Droid.

Evan’s feathers are ruffled, but the Canadian does his best to smooth them down as he says, “We’re gonna split up to hunt Tyler down! Brian already dragged Kryoz away but I’m stealing Smitty. Anthony, you’re with Droid; you guys both scare easily but I think you’ll both be fine as long as you stick together.”

“Great, thanks a lot.” Anthony and Droid sarcastically say in unison.

“First to find Wildcat gets to blow up his grill!” Vanoss shouts, then grabs Smitty’s arm and yanks him further into the grocery store. Smitty stumbles for half a second and then recovers, vaguely amused as his friend takes him further into the depths of the store.

The aisles are vast and loom above them, with lit fluorescent lights and signs giving descriptions of what sits on their shelves. In the background, a lone air conditioner drones on and on as they make their way to the freezer section. “So long time no see, Smitty,” Evan says, trying to peer around corners when they reach the end of the aisle they’re in. “Whatcha been up to?”

Smitty squints at him. Vanoss is primarily known for sticking with his own group and doing his best to ensure the games they played in their youth didn’t die out so soon. Even with his own ragtag crew, still somehow thinking they stand in his shadow even though they’ve always worked best together as a team, Vanoss would rather blow shit up and have someone else take the spotlight. It’s a weird continuous cycle that the Banana Bus Squad tends to follow; Vanoss plans the skits, the maps, and tends to throw wrenches into everyone else’s plan with an evil grin on his face, but his friends elevate everything else in their own special ways.

They’re a powerhouse group in more ways than one.

“Nothing much, just hanging with the guys.” Smitty lifts one shoulder and drops it. “Gambling in Vegas, going on trips, mostly vibing. It’s been a while since our last trip though. Didn’t know if anyone else was getting bored of it.”

Evan hums, using his wings to propel himself further down the aisle. Smitty has to jog a bit to catch up and sighs when he realizes they’ve ended up in the candy aisle. “Great, now we’re looking like a bunch of fucking babies.”

“A bunch of fucking babies with candy!” Evan cheers excitedly as he starts picking out selections to take with him. “Seriously though. I know we’re not that close, but you seem off. I’m not usually the person to talk to about this kinda stuff, but I have a feeling we’re not gonna see Brock for a while. You good?”

Smitty stays silent for a moment. As glad as he is to see his friends in this insane situation, he knows there was a time where it was harder and harder to bring himself out of isolation when they were gone. Even Matt being gone was taking a toll; normally he wouldn’t have to travel that far to see one of his best friends, but the dead silence wasn’t helping his mental state. “Sure! And you?”

“Let’s try that again,” Vanoss deadpans. “You good? Because you’ve been moping worse than Nogla when we’re all ganging up on him, even if it is warranted. Sounds like you miss your friends. When’s the last time you guys got together for something that wasn’t a recording or over the phone?”

The air conditioner drones on. The lights flicker. Smitty’s shit-eating grin is nowhere to be seen. “Too long.”

“Right,” Vanoss nods. He looks around the corner again to see if anyone else is there. When the vast emptiness answers him, he shakes off the feeling of impending grief and turns on Smitty again. “So have you tried reaching out and communicating? Or some other therapy shit that’s effective or whatever?”

No one can blame Smitty for his incredulous scoff. Coming from Vanoss? The guy that secludes himself so much that he could be considered a cryptid? It’s hard enough to catch him for a normal recording session according to Brian, and follows his own erratic schedule where no one can follow.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Smitty laughs, feeling a bit frantic. “C’mon man, let’s just go find Wildcat—”

“Tyler can wait,” Evan says firmly. “Talk to them. I’m godawful at responding to people but my friends still stick around even when I’m in a mood. You think I can’t recognize my own way of missing my friends? I’m only telling you right now before we find Tyler, because he’ll make you talk in his own special way. It’s kinda obvious man. Every time you walk too close to an item, it starts glitching out.”

They both look over to see a bag of sweets short-circuit, flickering between different types of candy. The Backrooms groans and rattles, but settles down when Smitty reaches up and flicks his propeller hat to steady himself.

Smitty takes a deep breath, feeling his hands shake. “I’ll try, but I make no promises.”

Evan gives him a rare full grin. “Enjoy this while it lasts! Everyone’s here to hang out and we didn’t even have to pay plane tickets to travel anywhere. Plus, maybe one of these places has some alcohol we can chill and relax with.”

“But first, Tyler,” Smitty says wryly, and Evan laughs and replies, “Unfortunately, Wildcat first. Hey, you think he’d be near the freezer section? Or near the outdoors section? I think we can make a solid argument for either of those areas—”

“Took you shitheads long enough!”

In all his glory, Tyler Wine stands tall from behind a table in the outdoors section with a FIGHT THE COOK apron on. He’s dressed like his infamous old GTA character; zebra pants, white t-shirt with the pink cat, and the good old helmet on his head. One of his pig ears twitch when Smitty’s mouth twists.

“If you fucking laugh at me, I’ll throw the grill at you.” Tyler threatens, and it’s definitely within the realm of possibilities. Evan uses his wings to mockingly bow at him, shit-eating grin on his face.

“Looks like this little piggy finally gets the makeover he deserves,” Evan retorts, already getting ready to take off into the air. Smitty lets out a high-pitched giggle as Wildcat looks at him in disbelief, grip tightening on the spatula in his hand.

“YOU STUPID FUCK—!” Tyler roars, throwing his apron off and rushing at one of his oldest friends. Vanoss cackles and shoots into the air, dodging the spatula that gets thrown at him. “YOU’RE NOT GETTING SHIT FROM ME, ASSHOLE! I’m killing you and then Puffer next!”

“Maybe you should spend more time with your friends, including Smitty,” Vanoss retorts, immediately throwing Smitty under the bus. “When’s the last time you saw him? Your place in July?”

Tyler slowly turns towards Smitty, who gives him a shocked look and shrugs on instinct. “You manipulative shithead,” Smitty breathes out, turning with wide eyes to face Evan. The owl looks way too proud of himself and doesn’t notice someone creeping up on him in an aisle. “Didn’t we just establish that I’d see if I could talk to Brock later?”

“Oh, so you’re gonna go talk to Brock?” Tyler asks incredulously. “Gee, I sure love confiding in my friends when shit gets difficult—”

“This is why I said I was gonna talk to Brock,” Smitty grumbles under his breath.

In the background, Brian winds up a plastic ball in his hand. He takes a second to aim it, then fires directly at the back of Evan’s head. The owl sucks in a shocked breath and startles so badly, he forgets to flap his wings and goes crashing to the ground directly on top of Tyler.

“BULLSEYE!” John shouts. As Evan and Tyler dissolve into various screams and shouting, Smitty takes a moment to grin and look at his friends. Sure enough, Brian’s redone his hair with more product, and John has fresh polish on his nails; they’re all different shades of blue, and seem to glow in the light when he tilts his hand to catch Smitty’s attention.

“That was totally worth it,” Terroriser says solemnly, and then tries to run when one of Evan’s wings snaps out and sweeps him off his feet. When Brian hits the ground, Tyler lunges for him, and all three of them vanish into a cartoon-style fight cloud.

Kryoz raises an eyebrow and makes his way to Smitty’s side, putting his chin on Smitty’s shoulder. “We’ve got this little bitch now, and there’s a fresh plate of barbeque over there. You wanna grab a to-go container and get the hell outta here?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Smitty says sweetly. They’ll have to reunite with Panda and Droid (which is a task all by itself), but he’s pretty positive that he’ll have to let his intuition guide him once more. On your initial thought, how do you leave a grocery store? Through the front door? Through the employee exit? The staff breakroom?

The speakers buzz overhead, the calm music stopping again. Over the intercom, Droid’s voice crackles as he says, “Testing, testing. We have a Code—brother, just WAIT a sec, you’re gonna make it topple over—”

Crashing noises echo throughout the store. Somewhere far in the distance, Panda’s signature laugh cackles, and Droid’s evil serial killer laugh follows right behind. “Whoops, someone’s gonna have to clean that up! My bad gang! There’s a note up here that says a freezer’s been malfunctioning and there’s been ominous noises and lights flickering in it. It also smells like laundry detergent around it. The fuck? What the hell is up with this freezer?”

"That's probably our ticket outta here then,” John says nonchalantly. “What do you think, Backrooms man?”

Smitty opens and closes his mouth. “How the hell did you get your nail polish to dry that fast?”

When the dust cloud clears, Evan has feathers ruffled and askew, Tyler’s clothes are wrinkled, and Brian’s perfect hair is messy and all over the place. The three of them seem to come to a brief truce before grumbling and getting back to the group. “I hope we don’t have to clean their shit up,” Brian remarks, trying to fix his hair back into place.

“A freezer? I just made this shit fresh off the grill,” Tyler complains, going back to his barbeque. “Son of a BITCH; just come pack it up and take it with you! Make sure Anthony gets some; he’s literally one of the only motherfuckers I respect in this place.”

Evan pouts, moving some feathers back into place. “Not me?”

“Don’t fucking talk to me right now.”

Smitty decides to take a huge risk and calls Droid, praying that he’ll pick up the phone. “C’mon, man, just pick it up for once in your goddamn life,” he hisses, hand clenched around his phone. Over the intercom, he can hear Droid’s phone ring with the Canadian national anthem. “You son of a bitch, I KNOW you can hear this—”

There’s shuffling over the intercom. Droid says, “Oh shit, Smitty’s calling me. I should probably answer—right, yeah, okay—yo! What’s up man! How’s it going?”

“We’re all waiting for you two,” Smitty deadpans. “Can you hurry the fuck up so we can leave?”

“We’d love to be there, but this place is a psycho maze.” Droid says grimly. “I swear on my momma that if we try navigating this bitch, we’re gonna get lost immediately, and then you’re gonna leave us behind and I don’t want that! At least send me back to my aquarium with Anthony!”

“Maybe walk through the third aisle on your right? It’ll look like you’re going to the cleaning supplies, but I think it’ll spit you out near us,” Smitty continues, turning to get one last glimpse of the whole store. There’s a gentle hum as Droid continues hustling along, Panda at his heels, and Smitty can hear in real-time when Droid’s aisle merges into theirs and he appears at the tail-end (no pun intended) of the section, looking shocked as fuck with his phone to his ear.

“Aw, man.” Droid complains, hanging up on his end. “That’s so fucked up.” Anthony looks relieved, hurrying over to Tyler and wrapping him in a hug. “You said you had something for me?” He says hopefully.

Tyler rolls his eyes and hands over a plate of food, grinning when Anthony rips into it with gusto. “Your shitty train car doesn't have SHIT on me!” He crows, puffing out his chest when Anthony doesn’t answer and continues eating. “So what, we’re leaving through some dumbass freezer? Is that what Droid said?”

“Yeah, it’s the one right behind you.” Smitty nods over at the endless row of freezers. Sure enough, there’s one that’s flickering within and smells like detergent. There’s a noise that could be considered whimsical, but shifts between that and what sounds like the classic weather stations you’d hear when it’s late at night and no one’s around to stop you from turning on the TV.

Wildcat’s eye twitches. “Right. That’s a normal thing you just said and did. Fuck your milkbag predictions and eat my whole ass.”

Without a backwards glance, he marches towards the freezer, rips open the door, and stomps on through. Vanoss is right behind him, followed closely by Panda and Terroriser. Kryoz waits for Droid and Smitty, holding open the freezer door. “Smells like laundry day,” Kryoz comments, wrinkling his nose. “Definitely too much lavender though. Think Puffer’s in there?”

“With how annoying he’s being, absolutely.” Smitty says confidently, and cracks up when Droid gasps excitedly and runs into the freezer. The walls go from being straight to curvy, the drinks inside twisting and distorting their shape. The world bends, shudders, and shakes, sending their group to the next liminal space beyond.

The dryer’s rumbling. Somewhere in the back, a washer announces the end of its cycle, and someone else coughs to break the silence. Smitty’s not sure if he’s been there for several hours, but it definitely feels like it; his own washer is still sloshing around, detergent cycling into his clothes.

The laundromat in itself isn’t that big, but the halls feel endless. There’s a TV hanging in the corner playing reruns of an old show, and a few magazines scattered around on small coffee tables. The vending machines are well-stocked, at the very least, and the change machine seems to have an endless supply of quarters. The front desk attendant’s desk is empty, however, and that’s exactly where Puffer plops himself when he exits from the bathroom where he had his break.

“Alright fuckers,” he announces, setting up a sign that says “On Break” at his desk. “It’s my break time, so don’t bother me for the next half hour.” Smitty raises his eyebrows when Puffer slides his blue and pink shades back onto his face. His gills, for that matter, keep cycling the air that’s going throughout the laundromat. Every once in a while, Puffer will dip into his pocket and pull out a marble that transforms into his fish bowl, plopping it on top of his head and breathing heavily.

Droid described it as an inhaler. Kryoz said it was a water vape, and then got into an argument with Puffer about the merits of vaping when they all drank alcohol, and then they got into a heavy discussion about whether or not they could swap the water in Puffer’s fish bowl with alcohol.

(The jury is still out, but the consensus is that they’ll attempt it later whenever they retrieve the rest of the Clooless Gang. Smitty’s hoping that whatever liminal space they’ll find Grizzy and Pezzy on, and Blarg because he definitely won’t pass up the opportunity to do so, it’ll be a fun one so they can try to make Puffer drunk.

“It’s like Vegas all over again,” Droid had said excitedly, but started screaming when Puffer tried locking him in one of the heavy duty dryers.)

“Didn’t you already go on break?” Tyler asks, crossing his arms. “The fuck? Pretty sure you’re past your mandated labor break, buddy! Get the fuck back out there!”

“IT’S MY DAMN LIMINAL SPACE, I’M THE OWNER AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.” Puffer hollers, shaking his fist aggressively in the air. “If I want to shit on company time, I can! If I catch any of you fucking slacking though, I’ll kill you and worse, dock your pay! Especially you, Droid! Don’t think I didn’t fucking notice you ditching the group earlier for that aquarium!”

“We don’t work for you,” Brian replies indignantly as Droid complains in the background. Evan, who’s been fighting for his life trying to connect to the Wi-Fi, waves his hand in the air. “Or at least I don’t work for you, bitch. Mr. Vanoss here pays my bills.”

“Evan can eat a sack of owl shit,” Tyler sneers. Anthony nods in agreement. “Does he sign my paychecks? I think the fuck NOT! I pay my own way. Nogla definitely can’t say the same though, can he?”

Smitty, already knowing they’re about to band together like a group of high schoolers and start roasting their friend (who’s not even here to defend himself), tunes them out and starts looking around the laundromat. There’s still a few machines chugging along, which include Evan’s jacket and Droid’s hoodie.

Puffer, for that matter, has been here since he spilled sauce on his own jacket. He’s been trying to get it clean every few hours, which is Smitty’s fault because he’s pretty certain that Puffer couldn’t leave this place without him and the rest of the group, but it’s still stained to no avail.

Smitty takes another look at his friend. Puffer’s lounging back in the staff chair, tapping his webbed fingers against his white t-shirt and holding his phone in his other hand. Since his jacket’s still in the washer, he’s doing his best to stay warm since the atmosphere of the room makes him a bit colder than usual. When his glasses slide down his face, Smitty can spot how pink his eyes are.

“Whaddya want, bitch?” Puffer asks, putting his phone down and raising an eyebrow at Smitty. Since he’s not wearing his fish bowl, Smitty can clearly see the way his gills flutter. “Admiring my fishy looks? You really do look like a clown, dumbass; all I wanna do is spin your propeller hat and steal your lunch money.”

“That’s kinda fucked up!” Droid hollers from where he’s sitting on a counter and typing on his phone. Smitty’s phone keeps pinging over and over again. “Just because he looks like an idiot doesn’t mean you gotta bully the guy!”

Puffer shoots Droid a look. “You’re telling me you WOULDN’T bully him? Says the guy who can, has, and WILL attack Pezzy at a moment’s notice.”

“I’ve been bullied before,” Droid says solemnly. “A fate worse than death, especially with all my marching band requirements. Also, it’s only Pezzy, because if I tried it with Grizzy, that man would put me through a goddamn wall.”

Everyone in the room who knows Grizzy considers this. Tyler shrugs, while Anthony shudders at the thought. “He would put any of us through a wall if we fucked with his food.”

“HE’S NOT EVEN HERE TO DEFEND HIMSELF,” Droid yells again, while Puffer and Kryoz burst out laughing. “LET THE MAN LIVE! Just you wait until we find him and we all tell him you said that!”

“Gotta find him first,” Panda cackles. “Does anyone know where they ended up? Did he even say where they went? I need their EXACT coordinates so we can tell them to fuck off.”

Smitty double checks the chat and starts typing. “Nah, they responded a while ago but never said anything. Maybe they’re gatekeeping where they went; it might be a cool place, but who knows?”

Smitty: hey grizzy guess what

Smitty: grizzy

“He’s with Pezzy, right?” Droid asks out loud, screwing up his face and nodding to himself. “That makes sense, but we still haven’t heard anything from them! That’s fucked up! What if they died? Pezzy’s such a short guy, and he could’ve gotten stuck somewhere!”

Smitty: @Grizzy bitch answer your fucking phone

Blarg: what if he’s dead

Basically: ?????????????

Basically: what the FUCK Matt

Blarg: I’m just SAYING

“I just know Pezzy wants to choke you for no particular reason right now,” Puffer snorts, putting his hand level to his shoulder and trying to remember their height comparisons. “That’s a good point though; those two idiots could be anywhere. We didn’t rule out monsters in this place, right?”

“I mean, we haven’t really seen ANY so far, but Smitty’s the Backrooms guy and said he hasn’t really felt anything evil in this place. Except for Wildcat, but there’s still time to reform him and make him a better person.”

A middle finger gets raised from the peanut gallery. “Eat shit and die.”

“See? He’s evil right now.”

Blarg: great news guys I’m at the casino now

Blarg: I’m going gambling

Blarg: BACCARAT HERE I COME

Puffer looks up from his phone, frantic as he smacks his hands on Smitty’s shoulders. “We gotta get to Matt. Holy shit. I don’t care about anything else in this place. We HAVE to go gambling in a liminal casino. I’d sell my entire life savings to be there right now.”

“Maybe that’s why you were given the laundromat and not the casino,” John says dryly, even as his own hands twitch at the thought of the casino. Droid’s weeping profusely in the background as he slumps against the dryer that holds his hoodie, banging his fist against it as he laments missing the casino space.

“I’m friends with a bunch of degenerates,” Smitty mumbles under his breath, rubbing a hand down his face. “God-diggity-damn it. Alright, well, does that mean we’ll have to find Grizzy and Pezzy next?"

Evan’s dryer finishes. He fishes out his jacket and slips it on, sighing in contentment at the warmth. Droid’s machine follows about ten minutes later, tail wagging and frantically trying to hide it when everyone whips around to start roasting his ass.

Puffer’s is still left. One of Smitty’s best friends, someone that would sell him out in a heartbeat, but would also help him whenever he needed it. Smitty squints at him, and Puffer raises a middle finger in response.

“Bitch,” Smitty retorts, and Puffer replies, “Raggedy ass.”

“So you wanna talk about what Evan was saying to me earlier?” Tyler says loudly, making everyone turn to look at Smitty with genuinely surprised expressions. Smitty starts sweating; of course, trust Wildcat to out his shit as best he can. He does truly have good intentions, but what a crazy fucking way to spread someone’s gossip.

“Not particularly!” Smitty grins. “At a later date, sure! That’s crazy. We can save my issues for a later date. Right now we gotta find our dumbass friends and see what they’re up to. Aren’t you slightly curious, Tyler? Who knows what Grizzy and Pezzy could be up to! Maybe they’re lost in Matt’s baccarat world! Maybe they’re just playing slots and having the time of their lives. That could be you too if we actually got our shit together.”

Wildcat’s eyes narrow to slits. The rest of the group shifts in excitement at the thought of a future casino, successfully diverting most of the attention away from Smitty. He catches sight of one golden eye flashing from Vanoss before they start chatting amongst themselves.

Feeling a bit pressured to get outta the laundromat, Smitty avoids Puffer hovering behind him and starts thinking of an exit. We’re all ready to leave, so think of an exit, he desperately thinks. A way out, somewhere I don’t have to think about how the TV static is starting to sound like my friends talking—

Something moves.

The noises come to a dying halt, but Smitty notices something off. Turning slightly and using his peripheral vision, he notices out of the corner of his eye that something has changed and is out of place. Those anomaly games are really coming in handy for him, honestly.

“That dryer’s been done for the past twenty minutes,” Smitty says quietly.

“Yeah, so what?”

“So why’s it still cycling?”

Everyone slowly turns to the huge dryer. On a whim, Smitty puts his hand on the handle and feels the gentle hum of the laundromat beneath his fingertips. Puffer comes over to investigate, eyes widening when he feels the same buzzing motion.

“It’s almost like it’s alive,” Puffer murmurs, unnaturally quiet. “That’s fucking crazy. Do we just—open it—?”

The two pull on the handle together, and the top and bottom panel of dryers pull away from the wall in the semblance of a large door. Where the dryer window would be, a mass, swirling vortex instead greets them, extending into the void and creating a tunnel to the other side.

“So that’s not terrifying,” Puffer says nonchalantly. “Anyone got dibs on who’s going first? It definitely ain’t me, because I have a business to run. My jacket’s still wet, damn it! I can’t go anywhere like this!”

“No it isn’t,” Smitty blinks. “I predict that your jacket’s completely dry and doesn’t have a single stain on it. We gotta go as it is; I think our time’s done in this place. I also don’t really wanna stay here any longer than we have to.”

“We gotta go get our friends!” Droid cheers, pumping a fist into the air. He charges forward into the swirling void, leaving everyone else to stare at him in shock as he shouts, “POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!”

“Truly the bravest bastard that ever lived,” Puffer shakes his head while opening his own dryer. He grabs his jacket and gives Smitty a truly rancid look; Wildcat makes a disgusted noise in the back of his throat when the jacket is indeed perfectly dry. “Fine. I guess whatever’s out there is better than this shithole as it is. Fuck this place, Smitty. I can’t believe you’d get us trapped here like a little bitch.”

“I hope your jacket gets fucking soaked in the next world,” Smitty threatens, laughing when Puffer gives him a genuinely horrified and pissed off look. “And the probability of me being wrong is NEVER zero! Better hurry up before it comes true!”

“I hate you and everything that you stand for—” Puffer swears as Wildcat drags him through by his arm. He hollers a few more curses before getting yanked into the next world. Everyone else follows suit, grumbling and chatting amicably with each other as Smitty waits for them to leave. Vanoss shoves Brian through, laughing the entire time, and then their voices blink out of existence.

Smitty shuts the laundromat door behind him, closing himself in and ready to follow his friends. “Guys?” He calls out, blinking when no one answers him. He takes another tentative step forward, feeling a spark of nervousness go up his spine, and then yelps when the floor drops out from under his feet, sending him plunging into the darkness below.