Chapter Text
Sion had loved Yushi long before he’d even learned to call it love.
It was in the way Yushi always stole Sion’s imokenpi without asking. In the way he complained loudly (or at least, as loud as Yushi can be) about soccer practice, but still dragged Sion to every game. In the way he flopped half his body across Sion’s bed at night, mumbling about being too tired to move back to his own.
For Sion, it had always been simple. Painful, sometimes, but simple. Yushi was his person. If loving him meant standing a little to the side of his life, then Sion would do that gladly.
So when he finally confessed—voice quiet, eyes fixed on the floor of their dorm like it might crack open and swallow him whole, he already knew how it would end.
"I don’t think about you like that," Yushi had said gently, almost apologetically. He hadn’t said it cruelly. He’d looked more startled than anything, like Sion had accidentally knocked over a glass they both liked.
"I love you," Yushi added quickly. "Just… not that way. You know that, hyung. I just… I like things the way they are."
Sion smiled before his face could betray him.
"That’s okay Ushi-ya," he said. "I didn’t expect anything."
As long as Yushi was happy, Sion would be too. At least, that’s what he told himself.
---
They didn’t talk about it again. They tried to move forward like nothing had changed.
Sion tried to be better.
He stopped leaning too much into Yushi’s touch, pulled his hands back when Yushi leaned too close. Stopped letting his knees brush when they sat together, stopped automatically reaching for his hand. He laughed things off, swallowed questions before they reached his tongue. Whenever his chest ached, he reminded himself that this was what he’d chosen. He became careful.
Yushi, unfortunately, became worse.
The younger noticed the absence immediately, and he hated it. Without thinking, he filled the space.
He grew clingier instead of distant. He curled closer on movie nights. Would absentmindedly hold onto Sion's wrist in public. Complained when Sion wasn’t in his line of sight. Fingers tugging at Sion's sleeves when he got distracted. Falling asleep against him on the couch, cheek pressed into Sion’s collarbone. He liked the warmth, the familiarity. Like he hadn’t just shattered something delicate between them.
Whenever Sion hesitated, Yushi frowned.
"What's wrong, hyung? You’re acting weird."
"What does this mean? What are we doing?" Sion would ask gently, softly.
Yushi frowned again, like Sion had spoken another language.
"Don’t overthink it," he’d say. "It’s just us."
Just us.
"I just..." Sion stopped himself. "Hyung doesn't want to make you uncomfortable."
Yushi laughed. "You won’t. Don’t overthink it, hyung. Really. Nothing needs to change."
He meant it.
He didn’t see how Sion flinched.
"I understand," Sion said quietly. "I don’t need anything to change."
And just like that, Sion smiled at Yushi. Gentle, reassuring, the same as always. Yushi told himself that was relief he felt.
From that point on, Sion stopped trying to be too careful. If Yushi still wants things to stay the same, Sion will do whatever it takes, as long as it'll make Yushi happy. Even though it feels like a knife that just gets stabbed deeper and deeper into his chest. Yushi doesn't need to know that.
---
Sion’s friends noticed before Yushi ever did.
It was an open secret to their friend group that Sion had always loved Yushi. They could only look on helplessly, offering Sion silent support during their drinking sessions at Wonbin and Anton's dorm room.
"You’re being ridiculous," Wonbin told him one night, arms crossed. "At some point you have to think about yourself."
"And what happens when Yushi decides he wants more?" Anton added. "Or worse, what if he wants someone else?"
"I'm just saying, Sionie," Wonbin says as he opens another bottle of soju, pouring it in a shot glass and handing it to Sion, "if you decide to move on, or even date someone else while getting over Yushi, you have our full support."
Sion only smiled. "I’m fine."
He said it enough times that it almost sounded true.
---
Winning nationals was euphoric.
The stands roared, confetti stuck to sweat-soaked jerseys, and Sion felt dizzy with pride as he watched Yushi lift the trophy like it weighed nothing at all.
Sion ran onto the field without thinking, heart in his throat. Yushi turned, eyes bright, and then his hands were on Sion’s face and his mouth was kissing him.
The world tilted. Cheers blurred into white noise. Sion’s heart slammed so hard it hurt. He forgot how to breathe.
He pulled away first.
"Yushi," he said, hands shaking. "What does this mean?"
Yushi blinked, confused, then smiled. "You’re overthinking again."
And kissed him again.
Sion let him. Because how could he not?
They never spoke about it again.
When they got home, Yushi kicked off his shoes, complained about being sore, and asked Sion what they were ordering for dinner. Life folded neatly back into place, like the kiss had never happened.
Sion laid awake long after Yushi fell asleep. Something in him cracked.
---
The bar was dim, loud enough to drown out his thoughts, and blissfully anonymous.
Sion sat with his drink untouched, staring at the condensation sliding down the glass, when someone dropped into the seat beside him.
"You look like someone kicked your puppy," the stranger said cheerfully. "That’s kind of my type."
Sion snorted despite himself.
Riku was easy to talk to. Too easy. He listened without interrupting, didn’t know Yushi, didn’t treat the situation like it was a puzzle to solve. When Sion finally stopped talking, his throat raw, Riku only nodded.
"Maybe," he said carefully, "you should try being selfish."
Sion laughed weakly. "Everyone keeps saying that."
"Well," Riku added, smiling, "everyone is right."
Sion smiled. "I'm sorry this didn't pan out how you expected."
Riku laughed, while gently placing a hand on Sion's shoulder. "Sion-hyung, right? I was hoping to flirt with you tonight. But I’m also perfectly happy leaving with a new friend."
For the first time in weeks, Sion felt like he could breathe. For the first time, he believed moving on might actually be possible.
---
Things changed slowly in a span of a few weeks.
Messages exchanged over coffee. Shared playlists. Long walks where Sion didn’t feel like he was shrinking himself to fit into someone else’s comfort. Whatever he and Riku had wasn't romantic, but it helped ground him. Made him feel like he wasn't drowning.
Yushi noticed the absence before he noticed the reason.
It was subtle at first. Sion answered messages a little slower. Declined spontaneous plans. Stopped orbiting Yushi like he was gravity.
Yushi noticed. Pretended he didn’t.
Sion was quieter. Less touchy. Careful in a way that made Yushi oddly uncomfortable. But it was fine, he told himself. Good, even. This was what he’d wanted.
Until one night Sion had plans that he didn't know about. Plans that didn't involve him.
"Oh, hyung, you're already ready?” Yushi asked, keys in hand. “Nice. I’m craving samgyupsal."
Sion hesitated.
"I actually… I can’t tonight. I made plans."
Yushi froze. "With… someone I know?"
"No."
"…A date?"
Sion didn’t look at him. "Not exactly."
The unease hit Yushi so suddenly it stole his appetite.
He smiled anyway. Saw Sion off. Sat alone in their dorm room and wondered why his chest felt hollow.