Chapter Text
Hawkins, February 1985
When his alarm goes off, Mike is already awake
he gets up with a groan, picking a shirt off the floor and sliding inside the black jeans hanging on his desk chair.
On his way to the bathroom, he bumps into Nancy
"morning Mike... you're up early"
"uh, yea, morning Nance"
he says quickly before heading straight to the bathroom, he doesn't feel like facing his sister, not right now when there's so much on his mind.
Nancy furrows her brows but doesn't stop him.
As Mike looks in the mirror he notices his hair is frizzy today, more than usual at least, but he doesn't pay much mind to it, settling on just fixing them by running his fingers thru his curls.
At the breakfast table, things are awkward, nothing unusual really, holly is minding her own business with her book, Nancy is eating quietly and his dad is reading the newspaper
and Mike is...preoccupied
Nancy decides to take it upon herself to break the silence
"so...i have a hair appointment this afternoon, then i have to go to the mall to get stuff for a school project, I'll be sleeping over at Ally's so tell mom i won't be home for dinner"
Ted nods, looking up from his newspaper to look at Nancy, his eyes lands on Mike for a moment, then he spits out
"Nancy why don't you take your brother with you? maybe they can do something about that...hair"
"what's wrong with my hair?" Mike spits back, annoyance sipping in his tone
"come on, son, it's improper. At this rate you'll never get a girlfriend"
at the mention, Mike's blood runs cold
"i have...i have a girlfriend"
"oh yea? how come we never get to see her? sometimes we just think you made her up" Ted huffs half a laugh
"and can you blame us, son? i mean with those...hair and your...look you can't blame us for thinking that-"
"-I'm going to be late, i have to meet up with Lucas, excuse me" Mike gets out the words probably too fast, getting up from the breakfast table and throwing out what's left in his almost still completely full plate
Nancy looks back at him as he rushes upstairs, concerned.
Despite seeming like a lie he made up to get out of the conversation he'd rather DIE than have with his father, (seriously, the thought alone makes him nauseous) it was actually the truth, him and Lucas actually do have to meet up
Mike supposes they're going to talk about the 'Max situation'
he takes a deep breath to recompose himself.
Before leaving his room, he glances at his desk drawer, an unreadable expression forming on his face before he shuts the door
he goes downstairs, puts his jacket on and leaves the house.
As expected, Lucas rambles about what happened last night-
-the other thing, of course.
"-and she still won't talk to me! I mean i guess last night wasn't a total disaster, we did talk, just...not about what i wanted to talk about, you know?"
"huh? oh, sorry" Mike replies, with 'i wasn't paying attention' written all over his face
Lucas sighs, looking at Mike, then he adds
"you know, Max is not the only one I'm worried about"
"what do you mean?"
"you know what i mean."
"i don't know what you're talking about"
Lucas glares at him
"why doesn't anyone ever want to tell me what's wrong? i don't understand, did i do something wrong?"
Mike gives him an apologetic look, he wants to talk to Lucas, he really does, but how can he when he doesn't know what's wrong himself?
or rather, maybe he does
he just doesn't want to acknowledge it, see what's behind the curtain where he keeps all of his feelings, and, well, talking to Lucas about what's wrong would do just that.
"it's not you, Lucas, you're great, believe me, I'd never have half your patience, especially with an hothead like Max Mayfield"
Lucas huffs a weak laugh
"i just- it's just that- it's a lot, and i think it's something i have to process on my own, plus, you've got your hands full, don't worry about me, I'm okay"
maybe 'okay' is not the right word for it, but if it makes Lucas worry less the party will excuse a little white lie
Lucas looks like he doesn't believe him, but doesn't press any further
"i mean if eventually you do figure out what's wrong, you know you can always talk to me, right?"
now it's Mike's turn to look unconvinced, he's...not so sure this is something he'll ever get to tell Lucas, or anyone for that matter
"of course i do" he replies anyway.
When he gets back, Nancy is playing cards with Holly in the living room
"Mike!" Holly shouts as soon as he shuts the door
"come and play with us! cards are soo boring when there are just two players"
"hey!" Nancy tackles Holly, tickling her
Mike watches fondly as his sisters giggle and have fun, he's not too sure he wants to ruin their mood by joining them
"sorry Holly, maybe next time"
"oh but pleasee, just one game please pretty please" Holly shots him with the biggest puppy-dog eyes he's ever seen, the same eyes Nancy insists Mike used to do as a kid when he needed something from her
he's beginning to understand why his big sister gave in so many times before
"alright, just one game"
it was, in fact, not just one game.
Mike laughs as Nancy is accusing Holly of cheating like the sore loser that she is
(Mike is actually the one who cheated, but she doesn't need to know about that)
the good mood is suddenly tainted by Ted getting back home
he looks around the living room, when he spots Nancy
"i thought you had a hair appointment today" Ted says as he's already settling in his armchair
"Oh...yea no, they canceled on me and i had to reschedule, I'll check with Ally for next week" Nancy avoids his gaze, and Mike clocks his sister's lie
wait...why did she lie anyway?
Ted doesn't seem to notice, her explaination clearly good enough for him
"and clean this mess up" he adds pointing to the coffee table they've been playing on
they do so as quickly as possible then leave the room
Mike grabs Nancy's shoulder and asks
"hey, can we talk?"
they're both in Nancy's room now, and none of them is talking, an awkward silence sitting between them
"so, what did you want to talk abou-"
"-why did you lie earlier"
it's not a question more than a statement
"what? I didn't lie i- i was-- ugh."
Mike keeps looking at her expectantly, almost as a silent 'go on'
"i was going to fly to Lenora, but...i chickened out, so!"
Mike's surprise is all over his face
"what? you know, Mike, i wouldn't expect you to get it, it's- complicated and-"
"i get it."
Nancy stops rambling
"you know, sometimes it's...hard to confront feelings that are bigger than us, so it just...feels easier to avoid them"
now it's Nancy's turn to be surprised
"do you ever...miss Jonathan?" Mike adds
"of course i do, Mike"
"ever since he moved to Lenora things have been..."
"different?"
"yeah, different" Nancy smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes
Mike does too, it's nice to talk to someone that knows how he's feeling, at least to a certain extent
"do you miss El too?"
Mike's eyes widen
oh. right, El.
Just as Mike was beginning to feel understood, to feel like finally opening up, those 5 words were enough to just...erase all his progress.
"yeah, i guess i do"
Nancy nods, then Mike is up on his feet
"I'm going to bed, goodnight Nance"
"night Mike"
he leaves Nancy's room, shutting the door behind him.
Once again, Mike lies awake in bed, his bedside lamp on.
His mind starts to wander, as it usually does when it's dark outside and everyone in the house is fast asleep
'you can always talk to me, you know that, right?'
'Max is not the only one I'm worried about'
'do you miss El too?'
'it's improper, son'
'what if you wanna join another party? not possible.'
Mike shuts his eyes and rolls sideways in his bed, when he open his eyes, the first thing he sees is the desk drawer
"shut up" he mutters
he shuts his eyes again, shifting under his covers
"fuck it" he mutters again as he gets up
he pulls the drawer open and fishes out a notebook that reads 'property of Mike Wheeler DO NOT open (Holly, get out of my room)'
the first pages are just scribbles, doodles, and messy brainstorms for upcoming campaigns
mostly, they serve as a distraction so whoever does actually ends up opening the notebook will lose interest in its content pretty quickly
starting by the middle though, the notebook reveals to be full of...letters
letters he never sent, couldn't
how could he? Will is the whole reason he's in this mess to begin with
or at least, that's what he tells himself
he picks up a pencil and starts writing.