Chapter Text
Player 1: Be Azar.
A young man feverishly types something esoteric and incoherent into a computer. He pauses briefly to peel back the blinds, the rising sun peeking through. He returns to his divinely ordained work. What is his name?
> Azar Emerson.
Your name is Azar Emerson, self proclaimed Keeper of the Temple of God. You enjoy your privacy, mostly because you're certain that if anyone knew what you were up to they would become concerned and suggest therapy. That’s what happened the last time you talked to your sister about your plans. You know damn well what you need though, and you need to build God's Temple.
Your room is an absolute mess. There are fast food wrappers all on the desk and a whole lot of trash just… everywhere. There’s so many energy drinks all over the place.
Aside from that business– which is of the greatest importance, you cannot stress enough– you enjoy coding, but you mainly code for work. You are an avid believer in the paranormal with a penchant for conspiracy theories.
What will you do?
> Download a VPN.
You have a VPN. Paranoid as you are, you should expect everything you own to be private and secure. That's why this campaign is brought to you by Nord VPN. Stick around to the end of the session for more details.
You *could* try seeking some more secure means of protecting yourself... you've heard rumors of something called Skaia-Client from some online forums...
> look into who is supporting it for evidence of DEMONS.
Being the ever so clever protectorate of God's Temple, you backtrack through your viewing history on 4chan in order to sleuth out what their motive is on shilling this. You locate the post. It is a long and pointless 4chan post that the Archivist cannot be bothered to transcribe. You deduce that this post may be bait.
> make your own antivirus, these peasants don’t know what they’re doing.
You crack your knuckles and get down to business… Perhaps you do not know what you’re doing either, because you have created an abomination. You end up stealing the code from an open source wikipedia on coding. Right when you're going to export it, the notepad crashes, almost as if it knows how terrible your code is and it wants nothing to do with it. When you retype all that bullshit out and successfully export it, it crashes whenever you run it. Great.
You try several more times, eventually finding some menial success. If any demons wish to hack you, they'll have to get through your heavenly prayers.
It reads: 'hack me n ur gay lol'
The agents of evil don't stand a chance.
> ask on forum: where to buy apocalypse proof briefcase computer.
You ask the good people of 12chan where to find an atomic-bomb proof computer. A user responds: you could try using this skaia shit i found. [link].
It seems as if the narrator is trying to tell you something…
You decide not to buy into the stupid Skaia shit. You're getting real sick and tired of these assholes trying to get you to download it, so you're just going to double down.
> I will build my own computer.
You start researching industrial junkyards near you. There seems to be one down the street next to an abandoned aeronautics facility. Nice!! If there's one place you could maybe find some good scrap metal for a machine of dubious intent, it would be a spaceship graveyard.
You leave your house, carefully unlatching the complicated matrix of locks you have installed on your front door.
> search for materials.
You hop the fence that leads to the black asphalt where they used to test materials for space flight. There's a massive sign on a hangar in a dilapidated and worn color that reads "PGASA" There is a crater, far down the asphalt field.
> God will protect me while I scavenge.
You look for the computer parts, figuring anything that could survive here should be bomb proof. You descend into the crater, finding some sort of wrecked rocket. You rip a chunk of metal from the thing, pulling out its innards. Cords, cables, and chips spill out; you take the CPU. After all, the missile knows where it is based on where it knows it isn't, therefore the missile is... not where it isn't…?
You head to the visitor center to scavenge there. There’s a queue that has been knocked over and several cardboard cutouts of planets and the like. There's a big diorama of Earth in the middle of the floor. Some of the lights are still on.
The entire place looks worn down. The carpeted floors are patterned like a 90s movie theatre. There’s random shit everywhere. Plushies of things that the visitor center sold, empty food containers, et cetera.
You prepare to take out the power supply from the large model of the Earth, but first, you want to make sure it still works. You flick the switch and the planet lights up. Awesome, you turn the power off and take the power brick.
> open that planet up baby I need some cooling tubes.
You're not exactly sure if there's cooling tubes inside the planet model. Would it even need cooling? You try to hit the planet and smash it open kind of like an egg. It does not budge. You get out your weapon and just start bashing the thing. You hardly make a dent in it.
Look at what you've done. You've bashed the anti-Antarctic continent in; that's a nature preserve so you've practically committed small scale eco-terrorism.
> I have defiled God's kingdom. I do not deserve cooling.
You find the rest of your computer parts. You may have demons in you now. You go home and put it all together.
You do not know the first thing about assembling a computer, let alone a military-grade-surpassing, nuclear-bomb-proof laptop using strange components salvaged from an abandoned (and suspiciously open) aeronautics facility. You watch a Linus Tech Tips video to get the basics down, but this guy kind of sounds like a nerd, so you decide to just wing it.
Let’s see here. The thingy goes here, then the other thing goes here. The motherboard is obviously the one big thing that you build everything off of, you know that much. You put the CPU in the thingamajig, then the power supply in at last.
You go to plug the power supply in, but as you put the plug into your wall socket, you feel a jolt of electricity run through you again, almost like it was being stored in you.
Disregarding that, you turn the power to your contraption actually on. The fans on the computer start turning for a little bit, but then it stops. You’re just about to turn it off and on again, but the circuitry starts sparking and smoking.
> It must need cooling and demon blood.
You buy some cooling tubes online. Just as you begin drafting your email, your computer crashes. Great. It restarts itself and flashes. You open the taskbar and find an odd app called "SK41AN3T" that's apparently using up 99% of your memory, which probably means it's installing something. You go to close it, but it won't let you for some reason.
Just then, the command prompt opens up again. Text is appearing, but your hands are off the keyboard...
That’s what you get for defying the narrative, you little shit.
Quite lazy, but this was narratively necessary and he was practically incorrigible.
Player 2: Be Zazzia.
A young troll stands in her bedroom, looking out the window at the field below. A lot is on her mind, but first: what is her name?
> Zazzia 5imrik! >]>:D
Your name is Zazzia Simrik. You're a gold-blooded troll with an proficiency in sports and agility, but that's not all there is to you; you're more than a number on a jersey, though a lot of people (including your lusus, you suspect) don’t seem to realize that.
You're adept at sports, yes, but you also have a very keen interest in cinema, which you try your best to keep a secret. This has led you to live a secret double life, kind of like James Bond, you suppose.
What will you do?
> Observe your surroundings.
You turn from the window to look at your surroundings. Your bed is painted a mustard yellow, though its shape is rather odd. That is because it was formerly one of those racecar beds, y'know, the ones with the fake wheels on them. You felt like it was too baby-ish to sleep in and you begged your lusus to bring home paint so you could banish this childish mediocrity from your room.
You've got a bookshelf opposite to that wall and a closet with all your clothes in it.
Your room is decked out with movie posters. You've got all the classics lined up, as well as some hidden gems and arthouse pieces you really like.
> Ponder bookshelf
You look at your bookshelf. There's a couple of practical handbooks here; some interesting resources on cinematography. There's also some comic strip compilations you don't find too entertaining. There's also some stupid dorky books about baseball your lusus brought home to you without uttering a sound. I guess she thought they would interest you.
One of your favorite books is an absoluteTOME on the shelf that surpasses all of the others in sheer density and weight alone: "1000 Movies You Should See Before You Die".
> Obtain the TOME.
You grip tightly onto the book and pull. You feel the bookshelf almost giving way, which certainly does not make you feel very good about its stability. As you pull it out, you almost drop it, but thankfully you're able to save it. That's why you're the best, you think semi-sardonically.
> Captchalogue the TOME for later.
You slide the book into your first sylladex card.
> Exit room.
You exit your room and go down the hallway. Your lusus isn't in the home at the moment, but if she were, you'd bet she'd take up the entire hallway with just her presence.
One door leads to an attic, another to your lusus' bedroom block, a third to your movie room block, and a fourth to the livingroom and kitchen blocks.
> To the movie room!
You cross the hallway to the movie room block. It's a massive carpeted room with a large three seater leather couch in the middle. There's a coffee table in the middle that you like to put your feet on.
There's a massive bookshelf spanning the entire wall that's got all the movies you could ever ask for as well as more movie posters.
> Lock the door, dim the lights, slam the tome on the coffee table, and flip to a random page.
You landed on movie 537: Sweet Brother And Hell of Jeffery (1929)
Sweet Brother And Hell of Jeffery is a classic vaudevillian action movie that was initially overlooked, given the era's propensity for black-and-white silent films. In 1927, however, the first "talkie" would hit the silver screen with The Jazz Singer, produced by Warner Bros. This would eventually become the new norm, but for Dergüi Strideur (pronounced "David"), the director of the film, this format was unstable, and maybe even perhaps dangerous financially.
The plot follows an insane man (or so critics have come to see him) escaping a mental ward. Shenanigans ensue. It was rumored that it was one of the first blockbusters, but statistics have been lost to time, likely in an insurance fraud related warehouse fire in the fifties.
> Watch the film. Study themes and messages.
You search for the film, but alas, come up empty handed. Luckily, you have one of those external super cool hardware devices that someone you know hooked you up with. You're typically in the interest of preserving the physical mediums when it comes to cinema, but this is better than nothing, and you refuse to pay a subscription service.
You watch some of the film before deciding it is a load of hooey. You just can’t take any more of this. You pause for your own sanity.
> Exit the room. Get computer.
You find your mono-chroma lapbook on your desk. It's got a black and white cover on it that you'd like to think is reflective of your passion for cinema.
> Open the laptop and scour the web for a physical copy of sweet brother and hell of jeffery.
You open up your laptop and begin searching the web for anyone who might be selling any physical media of Sweet Brother and Hell of Jeffery.
Unfortunately for you, there has been a recent revival of the old classic that came about in the 80's called "Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff," which significantly muddies the waters of what you're searching for. (Even at its absolute peak.) What's worse is that the director (who is wonderful and amazing and you love) of that particular adaptation went on to establish TurnTech studios, which has since dominated the tech industry, so it seems like just looking up keywords isn't going to do anything for you here.
You decide to press deeper…
Your bravery in spite of the search engine's results is rewarded! But only slightly. You found a collectors edition of the original Sweet Brother and Hell of Jeffery trilogy (you had no idea there were three of these things in the first place), but the problem is that the seller is asking for an exorbitant fee: $1000.69.
But! You get a gleam of hope in a small fine print underneath the "bid" button. It says "negotiable".
> Message the seller; ready your sicknasty negotiation skills.
sharonharlee1968: Hii helo are you intrested in buying the disc from me
ZZAgoldrush57: ye5, i am
ZZAgoldrush57: you 5aid 7he price i5 nego7iable?
sharonharlee1968: oh shit i forgot to turn that setting off
sharonharlee1968: ah whatever i just wanna get rid of this shit
ZZAgoldrush57: how much would you be willing 7o par7 wi7h i7 for?
sharonharlee1968: honestyl msn like fuckk
sharonharlee1968: $1000
ZZAgoldrush57: 1000$ minimum?
ZZAgoldrush57: wi7h all due re5pec7, 7ha75 expen5ive
sharonharlee1968: i dropped 69 cense off it
sharonharlee1968: isnt that enough of a price drop
ZZAgoldrush57: 1000$ i5 5till qui7e a lo7
sharonharlee1968: i literally have the only copy in existance shit bag
sharonharlee1968: my stupid freind owns the rights to the movie
sharonharlee1968: and idgaf bout him anymore so i dont want it
ZZAgoldrush57: wai7 wha7!?!?!!???????
ZZAgoldrush57: excu5e me, never mind 7ha7
ZZAgoldrush57: upon fur7her con5ideration, 1000$ 5eem5 like a perfec7ly fair price
sharonharlee1968: ohhhhhhh now i rembver why i put the negotiaton thing there
sharonharlee1968: cause i knew some loser would want this this badly
sharonharlee1968: $1500
ZZAgoldrush57: 7HA75 NO7 HOW 7HI5 WORK5!!!!!
ZZAgoldrush57: how do i even know 7ha7 7hi5 really i5 7he only copy
ZZAgoldrush57: i ju57 wan7 a copy on blu-ray man
ZZAgoldrush57: if i give you like, 50$ can you copy i7 over 7o a dvd
sharonharlee1968: man idfk how to do that
sharonharlee1968: look yknow what im tired of this stupid thing do you want it for like $10
sharonharlee1968: actually idrc abvout payment atp so ill just send it to you
sharonharlee1968: prolly bad juju to take money for this stupid crap anyuway
ZZAgoldrush57: 5ound5 good 7o me
sharonharlee1968: okay lmk when it gets there
sharonharlee1968: wait rq whatre your coordinates
ZZAgoldrush57: like, my adre55?
sharonharlee1968: close enough
ZZAgoldrush57: 373 5and57reet in ea5t GD
sharonharlee1968: got it
sharonharlee1968: see u latr chump
sharonharlee1968: good luck with your haunted videotape
ZZAgoldrush57: my wha7
[User has blocked you.]
ZZAgoldrush57: 7HI5 I5N7 7HE FUCKING RING
ZZAgoldrush57: WHA7 7HE FUCK
> Bask in the glory of your profound intelligence.
You message the seller and wait for a reply when something startles you. You jump up in the air as "Jump" plays in your head. You imagine your life freeze-framing there just like an eighties movie.
Outside, you hear something drop to the ground. It sounds almost like a bang? No, more like a shaboosh? or, or, an "appearify?"
> Go to the door... cautiously...
You slowly approach your front door. There's no sounds coming from the outside, but just in case, you peer out the frosted window. There's no one.
You open the door and see nothing and no one for a bit, but then you look down and see a DVD box with a terrible cover. It's just completely awful. It looks like it was drawn by an orangutan on MS Paint while he was having a seizure.
You look around one final time before you snatch the box off the stoop and duck inside.
> Open the box... with caution
It’s just a blank DVD. You return to the movie room and place it on the table. Cautiously. It seems normal to you.
> Slowly exit the room and enter the kitchen. Ghost busting should not be done on an empty stomach.
You go to the kitchen. There’s a punching bag in the corner with a printed out picture of your most hated rival, a tv, and a couch. The kitchen is mostly clean, stocked with boring food.
> Give the punching bag a hearty BAP.
You look at the picture of Doug Walker with indignance. You focus your strength and punch the bag
NAT 1: You punch the bag and practically bounce off. Thank God no one saw that. Your ego hurts.
Frankly I have no idea how this was calculated. This will not stay consistent; rolls and roll results will be included later on.
> Repair your ego with one more BAP.
You punch the bag for embarrassing you in front of the imaginary audience. It seems you went a little too hard, because now your hand hurts. Your lusus can't really teach you how to box since, well, she has paws.
> Locate food.
The food is in the fridge, of course! You've got stupid shitty whey protein shakes, protein bars, leftover pasta (with some meatballs for protein).
> Make your infamous EXTRA protein protein shake
Step 1: add some protein
Step 2: one cup almond milk
Step 3: add some protein
Step 4: one whole banana
Step 5: add some protein
Step 6: add protein (for taste)
Step 7: add one half a protein
Step 8: add some protein
Step 9: dip ice cubes in protein
Step 10: add the ice cubes
Step 11: add some protein
Step 12: add some protein
Step 13: add some more protein
Step 14: blend
Step 15: pour into a glass
Step 16: add some protein
Step 17: add some protein
Step 18: Enjoy!
After a calculated mix of ingredients, all skillfully imported to the blend, you take a sip. Oh my Gog this shit tastes awful.
> Just one more sip because you forgot the protein.
It still tastes awful.
> Add a lid to the cup and captchalogue it for later.
You slide it into your second sylladex slot in case you would want to have it later... for some fucking reason.
> Go out to the field and practice your epic skills.
You go out to the middle of the diamond. There's your lusus, lounging on the grass. You wonder what she's dreaming about. You take out your strife specibus weapon, which is a plain ole' baseball. In your actual games you're not allowed to use your strife weapon, only regular baseballs. There's a target on the batting mound with a speedometer attached to it.
You throw the ball as fast as you can, hitting it straight and hard. The target makes a hearty "thwack!" noise.
Your lusus seems nonplussed, having woken up from the noise. She observes her surroundings and goes up to the target. She observes the speedometer and picks up your strife weapon with her maw. She drops the ball and headbutts you; I guess she's trying to say "good job"! She must be in a good mood right now.
Wow. That doesn’t happen often.
> hug..?
You and your lusus have a loose embrace! She nuzzles you and you scritch her ear. She smells like cigarettes.
This is quite strange. I mean, you’d think that the world were ending.
Player 3: Be Callax.
A young troll lays on a steel roof with their back turned to the rising sun. They’re spying down below with an eagle eye. What is this troll’s name?
> Callax Tridor.
Your name is Callax Tridor. You're a plucky rust-blood who enjoys TTRPGs as a dungeon master, and a damn good one, you'd like to think.
Part of your skill as an ace DM comes from your hobby of people watching. You like to sit on the roof of your house and watch below as people mill about in the street or in the cafe vendors; observing how people interact gives you ideas for your games.
Other than that slightly creepy hobby of yours, you're currently studying psionics in university. What will you do?
> Go inside.
You put down your sketch pad and binoculars and get up. The access to your home from the roof is a little hatch that comes down, kind of like an attic in an old house. You descend.
The ladder leads you to your bedroom block. You're not sure where your lusus is at the moment; maybe he's out and about. Regardless, this is your room. It's messy and cluttered. Sometimes your lusus will bring you home little things it finds.
You've got a box spring mattress you sleep on, a nightstand with a slightly malfunctioning lamp, and a slew of posters for various TTRPGs.
> Admire dragon figure.
You bastard, you peeked at the session sheet. Stop that! You decide to make your way into your main living space. It’s a mess, but it’s your mess. Your lusus may not share the same sentiments, and screech at you to clean it up periodically, but it's your dungeon, and at the end of the day, you're the dungeon master.
The coffee table is taken up almost entirely by a massive playing space for DnD. A dragon figurine you meticulously painted for almost three hours on end sits at the top of a printed pile of coins. It's a red dragon, but you wanted to make it a little special, so you painted a sun on his hide.
> Go on a walk.
You walk around, doing some more people watching as inconspicuously as possible, because you’re at least a little self aware. You listen in on peoples conversations as you pass by.
"Did you hear about the whole PGASA situation? It was totally fucked up..."
"The new season of My Little Pony just wasn't very good in my opinion..."
"Dude, I swear to fuck, stop talking about Wrestlemania. I will never go to see some muscly purple-blood doped up on faygo crush some guys skull, stop asking..."
"Have you heard of the high elves...?"
"And they were ROOMMATES."
> Daydream about being a wrestler.
You do so, thinking of your theoretical wrestling persona. Perhaps you’d be called Rusty Nova or something cool like that. You could have your special move be like a dive bomb. Yeah... Sick...
> Snap out of it!
You snap out of it and continue your walk. In the distance you spot an olive-blood troll attempting to... do something to a fire hydrant. There are two constabulary-looking guys standing next to him with their arms crossed, looking distinctly disapproving. They must be police officers.
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE."
"Sir, step away from the fire hydrant..."
> See how this goes.
The other police officer chimes in, "Look, I don't know what you're trying to do with that, but we're gonna need you to step away from it"
"DON'T YOU HEAR THEM. HEAR THEM IN THE PIPES."
"Look, sir, there are children around here."
"THE PIPES!!!!"
"...Okayyy time for you to go." the one officer says, grappling the man's back and peeling him off the fire hydrant.
"nnnNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The two cops drag the guy off of the fire hydrant and begin dragging him away. As he is torn from the hydrant, he's still kicking and screaming.
> Investigate the fire hydrant.
It really is just a regular fire hydrant. You think it's a bit odd how some people have been acting in recent days, but you attempt to brush it off as sheer coincidence. Maybe the stars have simply aligned in such a way, or maybe it's going to be a full moon soon. You have no idea.
You see a corner store that's on your block. You usually head to this one for snacks and the like. As you walk inside though... you're greeted with a grisly sight. Your lusus and the cashier look like they're having an argument. You're really not sure how that works since he really wouldn't be able to talk to them.
> What’s happening?
You go up to the owner of the bodega and ask what's going on.
"Is this your Lusus?? This freakin thing comes in here, and I don't have a problem with lususes, okay? I-"
Your lusus does a short, staccato, high pitched squawk.
"Hey! Buddy, I'm talking here."
They settle down, but do not take their eyes off the man.
"So as I was sayin, I know that lususes ain't animals, and I know that they know how to PAY FOR THINGS."
They make more disgruntled Osprey noises.
"They've came in before an done it. But this guy brings me a *dead mouse* as payment. I mean--what the hell???"
There seems to be a misunderstanding here, and it doesn't really sound like your lusus to steal something from a corner store.
> Apologize and offer to pay.
Your lusus does not seem very pleased at your less than stellar confidence in its innocence. They jump up and latch onto your shoulder, dragging you over to another corner. They jump down and then squawk at a hole in the wall.
You take a look at the hole. Out comes running a mouse around the floor. Your lusus swiftly flies to catch it in its talons. They come back up to the counter slam it down on the table, akin to how a belligerently drunk man would bet all in on a poker match. The cashier looks exasperated at the sight of yet another dead mouse on the countertop.
"I..." The man pinches the bridge of his nose. "Look, if people know that there's a mouse infestation they'll get totally skeeved out and they'll lodge complaints--or something." Your lusus squawks quietly and looks perturbed.
> Order a bagel.
"Just fucking take it and get out..."
You captchalogue a bagel and leave. Your phone buzzes in your pocket as you leave the store. You open the lock screen to see that some new app called "pesterchum" is installed on your phone for some reason. You’ll have to investigate that later.
> Azar: Check pesterchum.
An Anonymous User began pestering godsTemple!
??: Azar i swear to fuck let the thing download.
GT: God?
??: yes?
??: thats definitely me
GT: i am graced by your presence, do as you wish
??: Okay azar my little zealot soldier it is very important you let this thing download.
GT: what is it?
??: that is not important right now
??: Just download the damn thing and then we’ll worry about semantics.
GT: understood
GT: best bible verse?
??: i dont know
??: the one where they say gay people are bad
??: ive never read the bible which one is that
> Azar: Do as God commands.
You do as God commands you and allow the software to finish downloading. You take a little bit of time to analyze the app: you think it says "skaianet" in leet speech, which is exactly the thing you wanted to avoid earlier, but you don't want to piss God off.
> move the software installation to an isolated VM
You take some precautionary steps. Something about this person doesn't seem very... godly. You express the installation in a separate VM of Windows 7. After the installation is done integrating itself, it asks for admin permission to make changes to settings. You click "yes", holding your breath for what comes next.
The background flashes and turns black, then turns to a custom wallpaper that looks like it's moving, or loading something perhaps…
Once the program loads, it automatically fullscreens and locks itself to the entirety of the screen. There's a dedicated chat window within the program for communicating with the anonymous user “??”.
> dudes, legal cases, pestermotherfuckingchum? I use external commands, download some firewalls onto the VM. See what this false god has done to my sacred walls
You attempt to exit the window once again, but the fullscreen won't let you. You try alt. tabbing, but it similarly does nothing and only looks like this application called "SkaiaNet" is the only thing open. Task manager won't even come up.
> god fucking damn it he infected my whole system
> when do my tubes get here?
> check the network.
Your phone seems fine, except for a new app that has suspiciously appeared called "pesterchum".
> God fucking damn it.
> I’m chopping my wifi router down.
> I’m chopping the internet down.
> give me a brick and my wifi router.
You frantically rush to your wifi router in order to destroy it. You unplug it first, then place it on your desk and take the nearest object (which happens to be a book about coding in Holy C) and start going to town on it. It's utterly destroyed.
> fuck yeah. I’m building my own wifi router.
> with hookers. and blackjack.
> return to communing with the false prophet.
godsTemple began pestering Anonymous user!
GT: is the bible a false prophecy?
??: well i mean i know what needs to happen, and I’m pretty sure jesus ain’t gonna factor into any of that
??: anyway what platform do people usually use nowadays
GT:the scholars of our time on 4chan, the peasants on reddit
GT: my entire screen locked? how will i continue my work?
??: what work
??: i thought you were unemployed
GT: gods temple
GT: never mind you're right, it just locked me out of my porn
??: your fucking what
??: yknow what nvm back to the original question
??: you're telling me there's no dedicated messging app thats popular enough for most people to have it
GT: text messaging? not secure at all unless you have signal though
GT: even then consider using a burner, starbucks wifi and a VPN
??: well i don't think we're going to have to worry about interference from anyone anytime soon
??: why not just use pesterchum or something
GT: What the fuck is pesterchum
??: basically the same shit we're using
??: rudimentary communication method that they used to use in the late 2000s or so
??: the company got sued and the software was taken down, but for a while everyone had it
??: just tell me what pre-coded message system i should install here so that you and your teammates can communicate
GT: so you dont know about 4chan, but you know of late 2000s legal cases?
??: no i mean i KNOW of 4chan
??: i mean it's not like i'm that disconnected from what's going on
??: y'know what, you're getting pesterchum, you don't need much more where you dudes are headed
GT: what do you expect of me?
GT: if this is pesterchum why is it marked as skaianet?
??: what no dumbshit the app is skaianet and the messaging system im installing is called pesterchum
??: okay so there's four other dorks that you need to find and get to download this game
GT: whats in it for me?
??: fuck im so terrible at this shit
??: so you know how there was that guy from that one movie who tried to convince everyone the world was gonna end with math, and nobody fucking believed him because ofc no one did
??: because why would you believe any douche canoe who just walks up to you on the street and says the end is nigh and shit
??: but then the world did end and then everyone died
??: i think nick cage was in that movie
??: my old friend loved that movie, and summarized the plot to me once, so idk if thats accurate but thats basically whats gonna happen
??: except you gotta stop the world from ending
GT: the nonbelievers will perish and the true will be raptured, this is just the second coming
??: i don't think that god acting out the rapture would choose to do it via meteor, just saying
??: look if you wanna die in a big fiery explosion, go ahead my guy
??: that was a bluff, please dont do that
??: okay look broski
??: i need you to save the fuckin world
GT: fine, only for the continuation of my projects
??: just know i didn't single you out or anything
??: no offense but i needed someone charismatic to help me wrangle people and you are not charismatic in the slightest
??: I need you to get 4 other peeps to download this game
??: they need to specific people though
GT: tell me their names
GT: does it have to be consensual?
??: well, it would be easier if it was
??: You can find them on pesterchum, which i also downloaded on their devices
??: there's athleticDuality, starPrankster, psionicSorcerer, and mirthfulMigrant
??: after you find all of them, you should add them to a group memo and tell them what to do
??: don't worry about that now though, i'll tell you what you need to do once you get them all wrangled
> Azar: search for users athleticDuality, starPrankster, psionicSorcerer, and mirthfulMigrant.
You don't seem to realize that you don't have internet; it's only after you've searched their names in the "add chum" section. Strangely enough, however, the program buffers and displays a result. This program is working without wifi somehow.
You're going to have to message them out of the blue like a freak, unfortunately. Though, you bet it won't be too difficult to get their attention considering that it's a dead app you're getting their attention on.
Your choices of first target are as follows: athleticDuality, starPrankster, psionicSorcerer, and mirthfulMigrant.
??: okay, let me pull a profile of AD up for you
??: i found this in government shit I've got access to
GT: lay it on me
The person you are communing with via the command prompt sends over a file, which opens on your screen. The file is titled "AD.png"
It's an outline of a government document that looks like some kind profile of someone:
Name: Zazzia R. Simrik
Hemotype: Dense Gold
Date of Spawning: 2006, 05, 15
Gender: F
Record ID: AED8U91
Height: 162cm
Weight: 61.2kg
Horns: Bilateral symmetry, four tuarumatic, chitonous, three strata segments, no known imperfections, no known piercings
Tattoos/identifiable features: None known
Province/State of residence: Western Golden Desert
Additional information upon request.
GT: how is this supposed to help me convince them?
??: i don't know make something up
> Azar: Pester athleticDuality.
She's not answering. This may take some time.
> This is going nowhere. When are my tubes getting here?
The world is ending. Your priorities are concerning.
> Let me forcibly install it on their computer.