Chapter Text
Things don’t get better. Things never get better. Rea woke up to Harvey gone and the strong urge to throw up. She ran to the bathroom, sick of her morning sickness. She hated that Winter meant Harvey was working more and she was working less. She hated that Winter meant she was basically locked inside all day. It was like being in the city all over again.
The snow was still light, so she forced her boots and coat on, despite her pregnant belly getting in the way. It was bone chilling out in the forest, but it was the escape Rea need. It was an escape––
“Just do it… Fucking idiot…” She heard from the cliff edge. “You even fuck this up…”
Rea tried to sneak closer, but there was a layer of snow now that crunched as she closed in. Shane’s body lay there in the mud and snow, grumbling drunkenly to himself.
“Shane?”
“Andi?” He cried and hiccuped. “I’m sorry… My life is… it’s pathetic. Look at me.”
She sat down in the slush, trying to clean him up and get him warmer. “Shane…”
“What’s the point? I’m useless. I’ve been coming here to the cliffs more and more––a chance to take control of my… life. But I’m too scared to even…” He cut himself off. “It's an endless cycle of hating myself and drinking and sleeping and working,” He hiccuped again. “Why should I even go on, Andi? Why shouldn’t I just roll off the edge right now?”
“This may be the shitty thing to say and the wrong thing to say but I’m not a doctor, I’m just a girl who used to be your best friend and, well… If you do this, you are making Jas lose yet another parent. You, whether you like it or not, are like a dad to that little girl.”
“Jas…” He groaned, rolling over slightly so his head landed in Rea’s lap. “Fuck, Andi. I’m a massive screw up.”
“No. Life just handed you some shit cards young. You still have so much time to get better, to be present, to make things up to her…”
“And make things up to you.”
Rea turned away. “I want to be your friend, Shane.”
“I think I need a doctor.”
“I’ll bring you to Harvey…” She stood up. “But you're gonna need to put in some effort…”
“Shit, you shouldn’t even be out here right now. Andi–”
She slung her arm around him. “Don’t worry about me, Shane. Let’s just get you the help you need.”
* * *
“Rea, why don’t you go and wait in my office. There should be some tea in the cabinet.” Harvey laid Shane down on the hospital bed.
Shane grabbed for her hand. “Andi, can you please stay?”
“Um,” She looked up at her husband.
Shane groaned. “Please, Doc.”
“Okay, Rea can stay…” Harvey blinked before composing himself. “You have a few options and I have a handful of recommendations I can give you. First off, we have to evaluate you fully.”
As Shane answered all of Harvey’s questions in a surprisingly honest manner, he never let go of Rea’s hand. She could feel herself getting clammy and uncomfortable. The thought of her best friend––ex-best friend?––wanting to end his own life brought her to the edge. The only reason she wasn’t throwing up was because she had already thrown up everything she’d eaten that morning.
As Shane fell asleep, Harvey nodded for Rea to follow him out of the room. Slowly, she stood up and looked down at Shane, brushing the hair out of face, lingering a little too long. She joined her husband, sitting in Maru’s normal seat, steadying herself so as not to spin.
“Why is he calling you Andi?” Harvey asked as they sat behind the counter and he filled out the necessary paperwork.
Rea looked at her palms, there was no going back now. “Cause that’s my name.”
“What do you mean that’s your name?”
“Well, it was one of my nicknames growing up… I went by Andi and now I go by Rea. Full name is Andrea.”
“Why the hell don’t I know your full name? Wait, how the hell does Shane know your old nickname?”
Rea twisted her wedding ring back and forth. “Because I grew up here in Pelican Town. Well, during the summers. My grandpa owned the farm… I inherited it from him.”
She had never seen Harvey this angry before. Not when she dropped the bottle of wine he had been saving or when she ate the last of the leftovers in the fridge. Not when she told him she was pregnant only a season into their marriage. No. She didn’t like this.
“What the hell, Rea? Why the fuck then does everyone act like they don’t know you? And why do I know nothing about this?! I’m your husband!”
“Because none of them except Shane and Willy and eventually Penny and Seb recognized me. Because to everyone in this fucking town Andi was scum who left the farm abandoned. Because I didn’t want to just be my grandpa’s replacement. Because I hated myself and wanted a new life. I may not be an alcoholic, but if you asked me a year ago to take the survey you just gave Shane, I would’ve checked off most of them.” She paused, standing up. “Now your very pregnant wife would like to sit by her friend as he recovers from having his stomach pumped. And maybe you shouldn’t be asking the girl who no one recognized why she ‘lied’!”
“Rea…” He called out, almost in a whisper, but gave no chase.
* * *
Marnie came and relieved Rea at dinner time. Jas was going to be sleeping over at Vincent’s and Marnie was acting like the girl was oblivious. Rea knew better. Rea knew Jas was too smart to not know what was up. Rea headed back to the farm and ignored her husband at any chance he showed his face. She fell asleep with her back turned to him and she was surprised he didn’t opt for the couch over the cold shoulder.
Rea woke to a knock on the door and she pushed herself out of bed and into her robe. The floors creaked extra with the cold. There was no way whoever it was didn’t hear her coming.
“Hey…”
She leaned against the doorframe, mouth agape. “Shane… You’re out already?”
“Mhmm. I wanted to thank you.”
She rushed forward and hugged him. “I’m just glad you’re still alive.”
“I got that bad?” he asked quietly. “Fuck… I don’t really remember too much. I’m sorry.”
Rea couldn’t hide the fact that she was crying. She wanted to blame the pregnancy hormones but she knew that would be a lie.
“Um,” he continued. “Harvey connected me with a therapist in the city. I’ll have to take the train a few times a month to go to my appointments. But it’s better than suffering, I guess…”
“I– Can we stop not being friends?” She managed to say, still not letting go of him.
He hugged her tighter. “Of course…”
“Come inside,” she moved out of the doorway. “It’s way too cold out to be standing on the porch. Your order still eggs sunny side up?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it is…” he laughed, his voice trailing as he looked around the place. “Wow, flashbacks.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve thought about changing it more around here but I don’t have the guts. Harvey took over my grandpa’s old office and we cleaned up my old room to be a nursery again. But other than that nothings really changed.”
“Good thing you married the one person who won’t know any better…”
Rea winced. “He knows now.”
“What?” Shane coughed.
“You called me Andi and he was confused… then angry… it’s fine though.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.”
She laughed. “Don’t be. It’s my fault. I went into this marriage lying. Though his reaction was not all that appropriate, considering the morning we had and how little it actually affects him.”
Shane sat down at the table, tracing over old etchings and watching her prepare their breakfast. “I think I was so pissed at you because the last time I saw you… It just threw me back to when wounds were fresh. I mean, the last time I saw you, you were Jas’ age and then it made me realize how much time had passed and how you were making the effort to reinvent yourself.”
“No one realizing it was me did almost the exact same thing to me. It’s funny because I never pictured anyone moving away anyways. Like I should’ve. I feared it. But when I dreamed of moving back everyone was still here and it was like nothing changed.”
“Everything’s changed though.”
She sighed. “Yeah… It was like everyone grew up and I was still expecting the little versions of everyone. Seb smokes! Maru wants to be a doctor. Haley’s gay… Penny never left. Alex and you are here.”
“Some things haven’t changed, though.”
“Mines are still haunted.” She turned off the stove and sat down with their plates.
He chuckled, “Granny is still gardening.”
“George is still mean,” she added.
“Kent is still traumatized––maybe more now, though.”
“Oh!” She called out. “Pierre is still so annoying.”
Shane cackled. “Yeah, but he’s better than Joja…”
Rea bristled. “Anything’s better than Joja. The trash is better than Joja.”
“So, you worked for corporate… That’s a pretty big deal.” He said through a mouthful of eggs and toast. “Does that mean you were technically my boss’ boss?”
“Nah,” she smiled, surprising herself. “I was your boss’ boss’ boss… But really I was just another cog in the machine. Yeah, I quit but I was one wrong move away from getting fired in the end.”
“Well, that’s cause you have a soul.”
“Good to hear.” She looked around. “Oh, um, do you want juice or anything?”
“Got coffee?”
She rolled her eyes, jokingly. “Have you met my husband? Of course, I have coffee!”