Chapter Text
The Upside Down had been sealed for almost a month. Going back to school immediately after had been difficult for everyone; the Party, Holly, and the other kids who’d been taken by Vecna.
That’s when Will, on his way back from hanging out with Robin after school, found Holly.
She was sitting on a bench in the middle of town, alone. Her bike was leaning on the side while she sat. Will knew he couldn’t just leave her there.
“Hey,” he said and sat down next to her. Holly startled, clearly not paying attention to her surroundings.
Once she realized who he was, she relaxed slightly. “Oh, hey Will.”
“How are you doing?” he asked her. “I haven’t seen you since I moved out of your house.”
She crossed her arms, staring straight ahead. “Fine.”
Will fell silent, trying to think of a way to engage her in conversation. He knew, more than anyone else, how difficult it was after being taken by Vecna. “Come with me,” he suggested. “Let me buy you a hot chocolate, or something. It’s cold.”
She looked him in the eyes as if she was trying to determine what his goal was. “Why? You're gonna make me talk?”
He shook his head. “No,” he told her seriously. “Just come on, let me be nice.”
She huffed but stood up to gather her bike. Will stood as well and they began walking towards the cafe down the street. Even though the MAC-Z had only left a couple of weeks ago, the town center was getting back to what it used to be. They walked in and Will ordered a hot chocolate for both of them. It wasn’t too busy inside, so they settled in a corner far away from anyone else.
While they were waiting for their drinks, Will tried to ease her into some sort of conversation. “Seriously, though. How’s school? Or Derek and your other friends?”
“They’re okay, I guess,” she mumbled. “Derek isn’t such a dipshit anymore, though, which is good.”
Will snorted. “Yeah, Delightful Derek, or whatever my mom said.”
“I do think he realized that he needs to get in shape, though. After running from Henry.”
“That’s always a good thing,” he replied. “Maybe he wants to impress some girls, too.”
Holly grimaced. “Ew.”
“Ew is right,” Will said as the barista came over to give them their drinks. The two of them thanked her and they were alone again. “Listen—”
“I’m not going to talk about it,” she cut him off.
“I know,” he said. “But, I am.”
She frowned, raising an eyebrow at him. “What could you have to talk about?”
“I was the first person that Vecna kidnapped.” Her mouth instinctively dropped open as she stared at him in shock. “I know, right?”
“Is that why they call you Zombie Boy?” Will nodded with a grimace.
“Yeah, that’s a long story,” he rushed out. “Not the point. What I was trying to say is that I understand.” Holly stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. “I’m not like your mom, or even Nancy and Mike. They might know all about the Upside Down, they might’ve been there when I was missing, but I was the one who actually…you know—”
“Went missing,” she finished.
“Yeah.” Will took a sip of his hot chocolate, wincing at the temperature. “I survived alone in the Upside Down for a week.”
“A week?” Holly echoed. “Wow.”
Will let out a low chuckle. “Sure, we’ll go with ‘wow’. But, my experience wasn’t like yours. I will never claim to understand what happened to you, but, I’ll tell you that I understand how you feel—or felt, whatever.”
Holly was quiet for a moment, looking down at the table and gathering her thoughts. Eventually, she asked, “How did you feel?”
Will sucked in a breath, mustering up the courage to talk about it with her. He’d never said it before; not like this.
“Violated.”
Holly’s head snapped up to look at him. He could see it in her face that he’d hit the nail on the head.
Violated. It’s such a dirty word.
“I felt violated,” he repeated himself. “I was taken while I was hiding in the shed behind my house; you’re supposed to be safe at home, you know?” She nodded earnestly. “I hid in my shed in the Upside Down for days—I didn’t have food or water—and then a Demogorgon finally found me.”
He paused, waiting to see if Holly said anything. She didn’t.
“I shot at it with a shotgun and ran for my life. I still got caught. Then…well, you know about the weird vine things.” She shuddered. “So, if you ever want to talk to someone, talk to me. I know it’s hard to go to a shrink and tell them you got kidnapped by an inter-dimensional monster.”
“Finally, someone said it,” she grumbled.
“But, yeah. That’s what I wanted to say. I think if I had someone to talk to about it after I came back—someone who’d truly understood what it was like—I would’ve been a lot better.”
She nodded, taking a sip of her drink. “Okay.”
Will nodded, accepting that she wasn’t going to talk.
They finished their hot chocolates eventually, and after letting the conversation topic wander aimlessly—what high school is like, where Will wants to go to college, what Holly’s interests are—until they got up to leave.
Will waited for Holly to grab her bike and began to walk with her back to her house.
For a while, they didn’t say anything, opting to enjoy the beginning of what would clearly be a very white Christmas. The temperature was dropping every day—it would surely begin to snow soon.
When they left the busy streets of the town, Holly spoke again.
“I get mad at myself sometimes,” she admitted, not looking at Will. He turned to her, realizing what she was talking about.
“Why?”
“For not…being smarter, I guess.” She shook her head, staring down at the pavement of the sidewalk. “It’s so stupid now, looking back—why did I think it was okay to be friends with some random adult man?”
Will sighed, understanding where her frustration was coming from. “Vecna—Henry—whatever—he plays tricks on your mind. He makes you see and believe things that, under any other circumstance, you wouldn’t. He did it to me, to you, your classmates, Max…”
“So…so it wasn’t my fault?”
Holly had stopped walking and Will almost kept on going without her until he heard what she’d said. He looked back at her to find her staring back at him intensely, tears in her eyes.
“No, Holly,” he rushed out. “It was never your fault.”
She choked out a sob and Will’s heart broke; he had been in her position once…sometimes, it felt like he was still there. Stuck in the never-ending ritual of being angry at yourself, being angry that it happened, and angry that it happened to you, out of all people.
“I’m just—” she hiccuped, “I’m so mad!” Will didn’t say anything; he knew she had to get her frustrations out. “I didn’t even realize what happened until Max spelled it out for me! And then—and then I finally escaped and he just…he yanked me back and put me right back where I started!”
“I’m sorry, Holly,” Will said earnestly. There was nothing he could do to change it, he could only acknowledge that it happened. Plus, she was right—if they’d been quicker about getting rid of Vecna or noticed her odd behavior sooner, maybe she could’ve been saved.
Maybe Jane would still be alive.
Will was a reactionary crier, and when he brought Holly in for a hug, it was only a matter of time until he began to cry, too. Not only that, but he was still working through his own feelings about what happened to him, and he would be for the rest of his life.
Holly’s bike clattered to the ground, forgotten, as Will and Holly cried together in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of Hawkins. Alone on the street, but not truly alone.
And that’s what mattered.
⤝ – ⤞
Will drove in silence.
The radio was off, but it wouldn’t have mattered if it were on. His thoughts were so loud that they would’ve drowned out anything playing through the speakers.
He didn’t know where he was going or how long he’d been driving, but he wasn’t going to stop until he found his way back to the house or the gas tank gauge turned to empty. He could barely see the road in front of him—his headlights were decent enough, but it was difficult to drive when your eyesight was blurred by your own tears.
He was so mad—frustrated—disgusted—he didn’t know.
He knew he’d pissed Mike off with his snide comments about his and Jane’s relationship and he had it coming for him; Mike never let anything rest if he could help it. And as much as Will hated to admit it, he was an easy target. He always had been.
That didn’t make it right, but that’s what happened.
He turned onto some random road—he wasn’t paying attention to the signs—as he fought back his tears. He’d promised himself he would stop crying over Mike Wheeler a long time ago, he wasn’t giving up now.
It was unsafe to drive at this point, with how much his vision was being distorted. Will let out a breath as he pulled over to the side of the road before he ended up dead in a ditch.
The night was still young, but Will couldn’t care less.
He rested his head in one of his hands as he leaned back in his seat. After he put the car in park, he pulled his knees up in front of the steering wheel to sit in an awkward fetal position.
God, what did he think was going to happen, antagonizing Mike like that? He knew that he’d been going through it after Jane died and if anyone knew better about not reopening old wounds, it was Will.
However, he can’t lie and take back what he said, either. All of what he said about their relationship was true; even though Mike loved her, he had a horrible way of showing it. What’s worse is that Will knew all of this for years. Yet, he still thought that if he were dating Mike instead, it would be different. Jane wouldn’t be getting hurt and Will would make Mike be a good boyfriend.
He knew it was delusional. He knew he was delusional. But still, love isn’t easily dissuaded.
He still loved Mike Wheeler, and he’d accepted that he would probably never get over him. Every time he thinks he’s over him, he remembers how Mike was the only person who treated him the same after he came back from the Upside Down, or how Mike spoke to him and stayed with him while he was possessed by the Mind Flayer.
Will was going to be miserable for the rest of his life. The only love he could get from anyone other than his family was Henry Creel, and that definitely wasn’t consensual.
He, unfortunately, was fully aware that Henry had a soft spot for him. He spoke about creating beautiful things together and some other stuff, Will wasn’t paying much attention. Sue him, okay—he thought he was about to die.
Thank you, Henry Creel, for not killing him when he had the chance. However, if he had, Will wouldn’t be here, crying alone in his car at night next to some weird abandoned building.
Will peered through the windows of his car, finally beginning to take in his surroundings. Sure enough, there was a huge building not far from where he’d pulled off the road.
Where was he?
He wasn’t sure—there were trees everywhere and this area didn’t look residential. He looked back at the building to see if there was anything identifiable about it, and that’s when he saw it.
The glint of the moon in the sky reflected off of it.
Will grabbed the photo he’d taken from Carlton out of his pocket and held it up to the window. Yes, this was it—from what he could make out, this was the radar tower that belonged to an abandoned military base. However, as Will looked at the building in person, the less it looked like a military base to him.
He’d never seen one in person—the closest one he’d been to was the MAC-Z, and that didn’t count—but he was sure they didn’t look like this. The only thing between Will and going inside was a chain-link fence. That’s the thought that got him stepping out of his car and opening the trunk to look for a flashlight.
He didn’t want to think about Mike, so let him think about this instead.
He fished a flashlight out from the back of his trunk—one he’d kept in case of roadside emergencies—and grinned. He clicked it on to check if it still worked.
“Dull,” he said to himself. “But, it works.”
Making sure to grab his keys, he locked his car doors, shut the trunk, and headed over to the fence. The gate was unlocked, despite the giant ‘NO TRESSPASSING’ sign, so he went through.
Listen—if you don’t want anyone in your super secret military base, you better lock it up. That’s like…the number one rule of secret hideouts.
Will wasn’t sure if dread was the right word to describe what he was feeling, but his anxiety was definitely rising. He wasn’t an avid rulebreaker (ignore the kidnapping of the Turnbow family), so this was uncharted territory for him.
His flashlight definitely needed new batteries, he noted. He reached the wall and his flashlight was barely lighting anything up. Nevertheless, he persisted, walking around the perimeter until he found a door to the inside. When he did, and it also happened to be unlocked, he went in.
Wow, it was creepy in here. At least now he’d have an explanation for Carlton. It had been abandoned for a while, based on the dust in the air reflecting off of his light. But, other than that, the place seemed relatively normal.
He wandered aimlessly, sometimes poking his head into rooms to see what was inside. One door led to a stairwell to a basement, and Will hesitated for a moment as he peered down into the darkness.
In the spirit of trying to not be scared of things, Will headed down the steps to the lower floor. When he reached the bottom, he went to the door leading into the hallway. This door was locked. Will huffed, jiggling the door handle in frustration as he looked to see if there was anything he could use to open the door.
Then, the door clicked open.
⤝ – ⤞
Eventually, Mike left Will’s bedroom.
He didn’t know where Will had gone or if he’d told anyone about their argument. He hadn’t been listening after Will walked off, leaving Mike alone with his thoughts. Instead, he’d stared at Will’s wall again.
This mural—if that was the right word—of El was…something. In a good way, of course, but Mike didn’t know what to think about it. As he stared at it more and more, the worse he felt.
It was beautiful, don't get him wrong, but it felt like it was representing an Eleven that Mike didn’t know.
He didn’t know this part of her. There was a photo of her eating a blueberry muffin—did she even like them? There was another of her and Will watching a movie together—did she enjoy the movie? Was it one of her favorites? The photo of her smiling made his heart ache—he’d never seen her smile quite like that.
There were the paintings of her that Will had made. Mike recognized the one of her in the outfit she’d gotten at Starcourt with Max after they’d broken up. But, there was one of her and Will somewhere he didn’t recognize…maybe it was somewhere in California, Mike wasn’t sure. Then, there was a painting of the six of them together, smiling and younger and happy. But, that wasn’t the one Mike spent so long staring at.
It was one of El and Will hugging, but Mike immediately knew when this took place. She was in her wetsuit that she had on before…before she was gone.
Looking at this photo felt like Mike was interrupting something—seeing something he wasn’t supposed to see. Something about the painting made him think it wasn’t a real moment, but something Will had made as a monument to her sacrifice. Maybe this was his way of wishing he’d had time to say goodbye.
He tore his eyes away from the wall, realizing that he shouldn’t be in here anymore. So, he left.
He walked back the way he’d come—to Jonathan’s room, where Joyce had let him and Dustin camp out for the week. She’d brought in an air mattress from the attic to let one of them sleep in. Lucas and Max had decided to stay in the basement with Carlton; they figured Jonathan wouldn’t appreciate a long-term couple sharing his bed.
“Woah, Mike,” Dustin said as soon as Mike opened the door to Jonathan’s room. “You look…”
“Awful?” Mike suggested.
“I was going to say rough, but sure, we can go with that.” Mike shut the door behind him, plopping down on the air mattress (because Dustin had won the fight over the bed) and putting his head in his hands. “Mind filling me in? I heard Will leaving earlier.”
“Yeah, I might’ve…” Mike began, choosing his words carefully. “I might’ve had something to do with that.”
“Mike.” Dustin’s voice got serious as he gave Mike a foreboding look. “What did you do?”
“Nothing!” he insisted. Dustin raised his eyebrow, unconvinced. “Okay, well…I might have said something not very nice.”
“Mike!”
“Okay!” he exclaimed, sitting up to properly look back at his friend. “To be fair, he said something first.”
“Really?” Dustin asked him. “Will Byers said something mean to you, Mike Wheeler, completely unprovoked?” He scoffed. “I have a hard time buying that, unfortunately.”
“He did!” Mike doubled down.
“Okay, sure,” Dustin said. “I’ll believe you, whatever. What happened? Start to finish, please—I don’t feel like piecing things together.”
“Well, I left the room, you know that.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I was going down the hallway and I noticed a door open, and it happened to be Will’s room.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I looked as I was going by, but I noticed something interesting. So, I went in to look.”
Dustin sighed, shaking his head. “So you just walked in? No permission?”
“I’ve always done that with Will,” Mike responded as if that cleared up the confusion. Dustin scoffed again, but Mike continued with, “Anyway—he had painted something on his wall and I wanted to see what it was. It was a mural for El.”
Dustin leaned back as he processed the information. “Oh…oh. Okay. So, then what?”
“I was looking at it, seeing what he’d made, then Will came in and saw me there.”
“What did he say?”
“I don’t really remember…something like, ‘Hey.’”
Dustin snorted. “Well, yes,” he replied sarcastically. “What did you two talk about?”
“I told him that I think he shouldn’t have told Carlton about the Upside Down and El,” Mike answered and Dustin sighed.
“Mike, you’ve got to let it go,” Dustin told him. “Will can tell whoever he wants about what he wants. It was a huge part of his life.”
“Well, obviously.” Mike changed sitting positions on the air mattress. “He probably said something like that.”
Dustin rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Then what?”
“Well…we started arguing a little, and then he said something about how he basically saved El and I’s relationship. He was all like, ‘your relationship was fucked up,’ and, ‘I tried so hard to fix your mess just for you to fuck it up yourself.’”
“Okay, that’s not cool of him, yeah.”
“Yeah,” Mike agreed. “I told him that that wasn’t his business in the first place because he didn’t have a place in our relationship.”
Dustin slowly nodded. “Yeah, okay. Fair…but there’s more,” he assumed.
Mike nodded. “Then I said…something.”
“Mike.” Dustin sat up again. “What did you say?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, honestly.”
“Well, you said it to Will,” Dustin pointed out. “Can’t be worse than saying it to me.”
“It could…” he muttered to himself, before saying, “I told him he probably would’ve enjoyed it if we did break up.” Mike wasn’t looking at Dustin, but he could picture his expression with clarity. “Because—well, you know—he had a crush on me.”
Dustin’s jaw dropped open in shock. “Are you lying?” he asked incredulously. When Mike shook his head, Dustin said, “Wow, Mike, way to go. You’re incredible.”
“Thank you, Dustin,” Mike told him sarcastically. “I really appreciate it.”
“Mike—El was like a sister to him, you know that. If you did break up, he obviously wouldn’t have been happy knowing you two were upset.”
“Yeah, he said that, too.” Mike said. “And so I was like, ‘she wasn’t even your actual sister—’”
“Mike, Jesus Christ—”
“And he goes, ‘maybe she wasn’t your actual girlfriend because you were making out with her before she knew how to say she liked something’. Rude.”
Dustin winced, knowing Will was completely right but also understanding why Mike would be upset by that. “Is that it?”
“Nope,” Mike replied and Dustin sighed in exasperation. “I said that he couldn’t talk because he’d never been in a relationship because…uh—Yeah, I’m seeing why Will got mad now.”
“Now?” Dustin muttered loud enough for him to hear.
“Shut up,” he retorted. “I said he was too busy being in love with me, and he got mad.”
“Reasonably so!” Dustin exclaimed, voice rising a few notches.
Mike huffed. “And he said I was right. He was too busy being in love with me.” Dustin didn’t say anything, but his eyes widened. “He goes on for a while about how—even though I did this, or said that—he never stopped loving me…even now.”
Mike looked at Dustin, who sat on Jonathan’s bed, trying to comprehend what he’d just heard. “Dear lord.”
“But, then I realized he’d said something else.”
“What did he say now?”
“When he and El were in California, he made a painting for me. He gave it to me when we were on the way back and told me that El had come up with the idea and commissioned him to draw it for me.”
Dustin nodded in recognition. “I think I heard about this.”
“Probably,” Mike agreed. “But, he’d said in his rant how El didn’t commission it; he’d made it by himself…for me. He’d had all this stuff to say about the painting back then; how I was the heart and El needed me and all this amazing stuff. Turns out, El didn’t even know about it.”
“So…the painting was a hidden love confession?”
Mike’s eyes widened. “No way. It totally was.”
Dustin looked at Mike like it was his first day on Earth. “Mike…you’re making me upset. Very upset.”
Mike ignored him, telling him, “Well, I asked him what he meant about El not commissioning it, and he just asked me if it meant any less knowing it wasn’t from El.”
“What did you tell him? No?” Dustin asked. “I hope you told him no.”
“Well, he kept talking,” Mike defended himself. “He asked me if it meant less to me now, and that now was the perfect time to call him a homewrecker, because I had insinuated he was one.”
Dustin choked. “Please tell me you didn’t call him a homewrecker.”
“Jesus, Dustin!” Mike exclaimed, offended. “I didn’t call Will a homewrecker! What do you take me for?”
“An idiot, Mike! You’re a huge idiot!”
“How am I an idiot?” Mike shot back. “It’s not my fault he never said anything!”
“Mike, I’m going to say something and I ask that you don’t interrupt me, okay?” Mike nodded. “When we were younger and dealing with the Upside Down, I knew that Will liked you more than a friend—I think all of us did, actually.”
“What—”
“Listen,” Dustin chided. “We didn’t really talk about it—me, Lucas, and Max—but we did agree on something.” Dustin looked down at his lap before saying, “If I ever find someone that I love one day…I want them to love me like Will loved you.”
Mike frowned at Dustin, not understanding why he’d say that.
“I swear, Mike…you don’t know how good you had it back then. Will would’ve done anything for you. Even when you were treating him like dirt or blowing him off to be with Jane, he would’ve been there the minute you called.” Dustin sighed. “As much as I hate to say it, you totally baited him into it, too.”
“I did not—”
“You were always so different with him,” Dustin continued, ignoring Mike’s protest. “You spoke softer to him—even before he got taken—you were always there for him, no matter what. If I’d known better back then, I would’ve thought you were the one in love with him.”
When Dustin finally stopped speaking, Mike sat there for a moment, processing what he’d heard. “Well, that’s not true. I’m not—I don’t like guys.”
Dustin snorted. “Maybe not, but you definitely liked Will.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“And then, El came along,” Dustin continued. “Don’t get me wrong, she was great. But, she looks a lot like Will, doesn’t she?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, you saw them when they were in California, right? You could’ve mistaken them for twins with that haircut she had.” Dustin ignored Mike’s spluttering protests. “She’s nice, like Will. She’s kind to the people she loves, just like Will. She had all this emotional baggage, just like Will. She was someone you could protect, just like—”
“Dustin,” Mike cut him off. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m just saying,” Dustin began. “Just think about it.”
“Think about what, exactly?”
“There’s a lot of similarities between the two of them,” Dustin summarized. “Maybe…maybe you didn’t think you couldn’t have Will like that, so you went for someone who was just like him in a lot of ways.”
“I loved her,” Mike said.
“You did,” Dustin agreed. “But…did you love him too?”
Instinctually, Mike shook his head. “No—not like that, anyway.”
“Just…just think about it, Mike. Because, you did give a lot of signs that you did, and that’s just what I can remember.”
“I didn’t like Will like that," he insisted. "I didn't."
“Are you sure?”