Chapter Text
Fishbowl- Why don't I feel better?
Fishbowl looks down to his shaking, bloody wrist.
Fishbowl- This is supposed to make me feel better. Why isn't it fucking working!?
He grips his wrist tightly.
Fishbowl- I-I can't even do this right.
The words echo in his mind. “I can't even do this right.” “I can't even do this right.” “I can't even do this right.” until a tear falls onto his wrist. It burns and stings but a voice in his head tells him that he deserves this. His phone buzzes, causing him to hide his wrist out of habit. He slowly picks up his phone. His gut tells him not to, but he does.
“I got 3DS to stand again!!”
The video shows 3DS standing on his hind legs. Soapy quietly talks in the background.
Soapy- Good boy, stay..Stay..Good job!
Hot tears stream down his face, his cheeks grow hot and pink. His breath shakes and he uncontrollably sniffles.
Fishbowl- What the fuck am I doing!? Over a boy? Over a fucking BOY!?
He cups his face in his hands as his shoulders shake.
Fishbowl- What am I doing? Why..Why do I do this to myself?
Fishbowl shutters glancing at his phone again. The video repeats in the background.
Soapy- Good boy, stay..Stay..Good job!
Slowly, Soapy’s voice blurs with the ringing in his ears. Maybe, he thought, maybe life isn't all that perfect. Maybe the stories he reads about father's coming back from the army, kids reunited with their dogs, and tiny kittens being saved off the side of a road didn't just happen to anybody. Maybe they were special. Maybe the Gods favored them. What has he done to make the Gods love him? What good does he bring to this world? Who would miss him?
Tide- Y'know what?
Mr.Q- Hm?
Tide- I think I’m gonna go back to him.
Mr.Q- Mhm..?
Tide- Yeah.. Yeah, man. I-I’m gonna fucking apologize. I can't deal with this. I can't live on knowing he hates me.
Mr.Q- Your world doesn't end after high school.
Tide- Huh?
Mr.Q- You will live. The world will keep spinning, and guess what?
Tide- What?
Mr.Q- You probably won't remember him in a few years.
Tide- Bullshit.
Mr.Q- No, honestly! You won't, you really, really won't.
Tide- I will. How do you know?
Mr.Q- Look at my house. Listen for a minute.
Tide- What am I-
Mr.Q- Shhh.
Tide listens for a moment. It's silent, still.
Mr.Q- You hear that?
Tide- What?
Mr.Q- It's silent. I don't have anyone here, I don't have anyone like Fishbowl. I moved on, I grew up, so did they, you will too. This world is mechanic, if I die tomorrow, I'll get replaced. Another teacher will take my job, I'll be a distant memory. Of course, the people closest to me will mourn me but I will get replaced one way or another.
Tide- You don't fucking get it, do you?
Mr.Q- I don't..Understand what you mean.
Tide- Think Romeo and Juliet. T-think of fuckin’ Jesus and Judas! Christ, do you not see what I'm getting at!?
Mr.Q- …
Tide- Think ‘The Last Days of Judas Iscariot.’ Judas felt so bad for betraying Jesus he hung himself from an olive tree. Guess what? Jesus still loved him, even after Judas condemned him. In ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ Juliet pretends to kill herself to avoid her forced marriage, then Romeo finds her and thinks she's actually dead, to which he actually kills himself. She wakes up and stabs herself. She couldn't live with the guilt of knowing she caused that. She couldn't live knowing that she could've prevented it all. Most of all, she couldn't live knowing that the love of her life is dead. So shut up! The world is natural and full of love, it can't be fuckin’ measured in a petri dish, but we know it exists. That's how the world works. It stays kind.
Mr.Q- …Holy shit, kid.