Chapter Text
Xie Lian kept breathing fast, trying to calm down ‘What have I done…what have I done…WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE’ Xie Lian then started running toward the bus station, stopped a random bus and got inside, he didn’t even read where the bus was headed to, he didn’t care, he sat down on an empty seat silently. Xie Lian looked down at his phone for a moment, he had many messages from Hua Cheng, he didn’t read them and just turn off his phone.
‘Mine and San Lang’s friendship is over now…for good, he won’t ever want to talk to me after this’. Xie Lian was in the bus for a while, until he saw a bus stop that was 4 neighborhoods down from his, he pressed the ‘STOP’ button and got off the bus, he didn’t go home immediately, it was 1:00 just now and he usually got home at 1:40 to 2:00, he went to a park a bit down from his house and sat there looking at the sky anxiously, he then decided to open his phone again, he didn’t remember the pin, so he could just stare at the time. 1:25, 1:30, 1:40…1:50, Xie Lian sighed, got up and got his backpack from the ground, he then started to make his way home, Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing wouldn’t suspect a thing yet, well unless they checked his absence points at the end of the month, which he douted, Mei Nainqing had said before that if he wanted to ditch class he could tell him and he would easily erase the point, he did it to every kid, even the principal was in on it, their supervisors never really checked on them, the parents didn’t care to complain and everyone was happy with that system, despite it being illegal by law, no one really cared to check.
After maybe 10 minutes of walking Xie Lian made it home at last. Mei Nianqing wasn’t home yet, neither Jun Wu, their cars weren’t there. Xie Lian sighed in relief, he wasn’t really up to put up with anything right now, all he wanted to do was take a cold shower and do his homework.
After drying himself he opened his phone to see Shi Qingxuan’s texts, below Hua Cheng’s messages surpassed the 10 notifications. Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat and closed his phone.
San Lang, what if he is angry at me?
Xie Lian chewed on his inner cheek and didn’t dare to open Hua Cheng’s text, instead he went over and answered to Shi Qingxuan without thinking a lot.
XL – I will answer in a bit, I just got home
Then Xie Lian fell into deep thought and abandoned his phone on the nightstand. What was he thinking? Hua Cheng was his friend and…
He was a good kisser too!
Naturally someone handsome and charming such as Hua Cheng will be a good partner, Xie Lian wouldn’t deny it. Yet what if this was a rash move and Hua Cheng already had someone else in mind? He didn’t even ask his feelings!
Xie Lian repeated himself inside
Just focus on your studies. Just focus on your studies.
So he did. Xie Lian grabbed his syntax books and a pen, face down to the desk and lips pressed together as Xie Lian had sat down for as long as 4 hours without resting. He let out a breath of frustration and closed his eyes to give his eyes a relief. His fingers trailed slowly on his lips and then Xie Lian felt his ears hot and his heart bustling with tightness.
Xie Lian shook his head and continued reading the syntax rules, syntax exercises, past tense and verbs. After realizing Xie Lian did a mistake on his syntactic exercise he erased his own answer in hidden frustration. Harshly gripping the pencil and rewrite his answer on the eraser bits, then someone opened the door and Xie Lian forgot to make eye contact.
“Lianlian I called you for dinner, have you eaten at all?” Jun Wu stood at the door
Did he? Was he focused to a point he couldn’t hear his father’s voice?
“What do we have for dinner?” Xie Lian had asked without looking away from his book
“Your father got a soup from his aunt so we are eating that today, unless you don’t like it—I can make you something quick”, Jun Wu leaned on the door and noticed Xie Lian’s phone vibrating
SAN LANG IS CALLING
Jun Wu: ??
Xie Lian froze for a moment when he realized his nightstand was buzzing from the vibration and realized who it was, he got up from his chair and let out
“I am hungry actually! I haven’t ate since morning...”
Jun Wu then blinked and frowned, “Xie Lian it’s already 7 pm, come downstairs and eat. Put down your pencil now”
Xie Lian nodded and blocked Jun Wu’s view from the nightstand, “I am coming right now…” He watched Jun Wu leave the hall and sighed in relief, Hua Cheng had called him! So he still wanted to talk…
A tiny part of Xie Lian was afraid of the outcome, the most radical thing is to read Hua Cheng’s messages and respond with honest. Xie Lian knows it’s the right thing to do but his chest ached with the imagination of facing Hua Cheng, confront of him for the foolish thing he has done.
Xie Lian didn’t want this end, not like this.
The next day Xie Lian woke up with heaviness on his chest and dry throat, Mei Nianqing was sleeping soundly in his room and Jun Wu was absent per usual. Xie Lian sat up on his bed and rubbed his temples, his phone hadn’t been opened ever yesterday, and it sat quietly on the corner of his nightstand.
…
We are supposed to have lessons today…
Xie Lian checked his clock to see it was 10:47 am, since when did he fall asleep? He doesn’t remember and struggled to close his eyes, Xie Lian brushed the hair out of his face and got up from his bed.
Should he call Hua Cheng?
He can’t avoid him forever; they still have the play and the classes! Xie Lian had only responded to a few of Shi Qingxuan’s messages and buried himself in texts and after school exercises until his eyelids felt heavy, and Mei Nianqing urged him to go to sleep.
Xie Lian couldn’t ignore his empty stomach when it growled, Mei Nianqing was still sleeping so Xie Lian would prepare breakfast himself. Perhaps prepare boiled eggs and toast-
Mei Nianqing suddenly opened the door and blinked, “Oh you are already up...” He yawned, “Please tell me you didn’t go to the kitchen”
“No, I was about to”, Xie Lian saw the horror in Mei Nianqing’s dark eyes
“You-! No don’t move, I will go make you omelet and rice, stay here”
“But-“
“Stay” Mei Nianqing stated
“Yes sir...” Xie Lian nodded and Mei Nianqing disappeared downstairs while mumbling to himself, Xie Lian rubbed his eyelids and did not follow Mei Nianqing. He gave his face a splash of cold water and returned to his room to change his pajamas—he might need to meet Shi Qingxuan to distract himself, homework and studying kept leading him into thinking about his tutoring sessions with Hua Cheng…
Then Xie Lian heard another buzz on his nightstand and his blood ran cold, the screen flashed the familiar name from yesterday and Xie Lian couldn’t help but sigh further.
SAN LANG IS CALLING
Xie Lian grabbed his phone in an instance and stared at the screen and the fox picture he used for the profile; his finger barely managed to slide on the screen. He braced himself when he pressed the phone to his ear.
He cleared his throat—Hua Cheng definitely heard it. Xie Lian let out, “San Lang? Good morning…”
“I called Gege early this morning, did I wake you up?”
“No not at all…” Xie Lian nervously reassured and ran through circles in his room, “I was studying all evening…I didn’t even see your call yesterday”
“Gege is a bad liar”, Hua Cheng said on the other side, his voice didn’t carry malice or madness into it. Xie Lian knew Hua Cheng sounded hurt and it made his chest puff.
Xie Lian closed his eyes, “I know...” I am sorry.
“San Lang I am sorry for the run, did the teachers needed me for the play? Were they looking for me?”
“They did but I told them you weren’t feeling well”, Hua Cheng stated, “Gege we should talk”
There it was. Xie Lian knew Hua Cheng was kind to this approach, but the outcome still induces fear, he mentally cursed himself and nodded as if Hua Cheng stood in the same room as him.
“Like on the phone...?” Xie Lian slowly whispered and hoped Mei Nianqing wouldn’t come upstairs to hand him the breakfast, sometimes he does that.
“No I want to see Gege in person, I have many things that I think we should discuss and it’s about yesterday. I promise that I am not mad, is Gege mad?”
“No, I am not,” Xie Lian responded simply.
“Good then it’s mutual, when are you home alone?”
“My father might…leave in a few hours but I think we should talk outside, how about the square which is close to both of us?”
“I will see you there then, I am available all day”, Hua Cheng paused, “I am waiting for Gege’s time for the meetup” Then he hung up and left Xie Lian with silence and the sound of his own heart pounding.
He is not mad…
But he was still hurt.
Xie Lian felt like the worst person on the planet right now. He knew he did something wrong, but Hua Cheng wasn’t mad, so what had he done wrong for him to want to talk. Xie Lian then opened his chat with Hua Cheng. He took a deep breath and scrolled down at the very bottom and started to type, stopped, thought a bit, then started to type again, then stopped again, looked at the text and finally sent it.
XL- Meet me around 7:00 pm
Hua Cheng saw the message in seconds after Xie Lian sent it and took a minute before sending back an answer
HC- Alright gege see you in a bit
Xie Lian shut his phone and got back in his bed burying his head under the pillows, he was feeling all kind of stuff, fear, worry, he even felt flustered for some reason. Everything was a mess. He dreadfully counting the minutes until the time would come for him and Hua Cheng to meet up.
“Xie Lain?” Mei Nianqing knocked on the bedroom's door “I have your breakfast ready”
“Let me get it” Xie Lian got out his bed and went to the door opening it. Mei Nianqing stood there holding a plate with a nicely cooked omelet and rice in it, Xie Lian took the plate “Thank you…”
“Also, I and your father will be gone this weekend, because of your fathers work, he wants me to tag along again, we’ll leave around 3pm alright? I’ll cook lunch for you to have tomorrow and leave it in a taper in the fridge alright?”
Xie Lian nodded and Mei Nianqing smiled and shut the door for him. Xie Lian stared down at on the plate and walked to his desk, he sat down and started to eat his breakfast, he’s head was still a mess from everything. He couldn’t wait but at the same time dreaded the moment him and Hua Cheng would talk later in the day. Time on curtain moments was slow as hell but other times in the day passed fast, for example when he studying time would pass faster than Jun Wu’s constant yapping at the family lunches. Xie Lain constantly thought of Hua Chengs reactions to their talk, would he yell? Would he be chill? Xie Lian did not know what to think at this point.
Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing did leave after 3 pm for Jun Wu’s court case in another city, leaving Xie Lian home alone once again. He was studying all morning, and he felt mentally tired. Xie Lian’s phone started to ring, it was Shi Qingxaun, he took his phone and picked it up.
“Hello-”
“Oh my god bestie! Are you ok? Why did you skip last period yesterday? Is everything alright? Did he do something to you?” Shi Qingxaun sounded worried as hell.
‘Well he did something…’ Xie Lian thought for a moment and then answered “No…I guess not, I short of fucked up, we’ll talk about it more in person today.”
“Really? That was unexpected” Shi Qingxaun sounded skeptical
“We’ll go out today at 7, want to come over after me and San Lang talk, for a sleepover? Parents are out for a weekend”
“Count me in” Shi Qingxaun then paused “But what happened that got to this point?”
Xie Lian sighed “It’s complicated, it’s a whole mess and my feelings are kind of weird about this.”
“What do you mean weird?”
“Well…I don’t really know how to even feel about this. We can talk about it more after me and San Lang have our talk”
“Alright bestie, good luck with all this. What time should I come by tonight?”
“9 is good”
“Alright then see you at 9 bestie and good luck with the talk” Shi Qing sounded like their enthusiastic self again
Xie Lian sighed “Thank you, I’ll need it and see ya at 9”, he then hanged up the phone and tossed at the side.
Xie Lian nervously checked the time on his phone every 2 minutes; he chose a remote spot of the park with rare sightings of people passing by. He could hear the children playing from far away and footsteps from across, Xie Lian sighed and sank into the bench as he stared into the darkened sky.
How could I allow this? Xie Lian thought about the kiss again, and the way Hua Cheng pressed into him. He knows what kissing and intimate acts are but it’s completely different to experience this on his own! He promised himself to focus on his studies and future, he couldn’t even properly finish an exercise yesterday…
Xie Lian remembered Shi Qingxuan’s relationship with He Xuan, despite their differences and hardships they find a way to reconcile and continue. Xie Lian did not give a lot of thought about his own desires or relationships, a few girls had asked him out in his life, and it ended with Xie Lian awkwardly, and politely declining. Some of them were cruel jokes and some others genuinely asked while bashful, Xie Lian’s first instinct is to reject and walk away fast as possible. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself.
So why was he so eager to let Hua Cheng kiss him?
Was it Hua Cheng’s bewitching handsomeness that allowed Xie Lian to let his guard down?
Xie Lian’s hand felt a buzz and he unlocked his phone to read Hua Cheng’s message, he just arrived at the park’s entrance and he knew what bench Xie Lian was sitting on…
He braced himself to meet Hua Cheng in roughly 2 minutes. What was he supposed to say? First and foremost, Xie Lian would apologize for ignoring Hua Cheng’s texts, and for running away like that…
And second…
Then what? What does that mean for their friendship?
“Gege” Hua Cheng stood there and Xie Lian’s breath hitched, “Your complexion is pale, did Gege sleep well?” Hua Cheng sat down on the bench.
“i slept well…”, Xie Lian mumbled, “I just studied a lot recently and it drained me, test period is approaching so…”
“Don’t overwork yourself” Hua Cheng looked at Xie Lian’s eyes, “Promise me”
Xie Lian wanted to look away but lost himself in the dark eye of Hua Cheng’s, he swallowed and nodded, “I will try...”Then he took a deep breath, “San Lang I am sorry…for everything”
“Gege-”
“I don’t know what I was thinking! And I ran away like that…” Xie Lian looked down on the ground, “i…we still have to kiss for the stage but…what does this mean for us?”
“And what does it mean for Gege?” Hua Cheng slowly asked
Xie Lian circulated his thoughts for a moment and casted his gaze away, “It…can two people just kiss? For the sake of it?”
Hua Cheng huffed, “Gege two people can do it just for the sake of it”
“Right! Right…” Xie Lian coughed, “I meant…this was just practice kiss, right? For the play…it just happened to be more intimate” Xie Lian continued, “San Lang was good at it.”
Why did he say that???
“Gege was really stiff, I was afraid i wasn’t doing it right—yet it was your first kiss…Gege must have been surprised”
“It’s…different from movies but it wasn’t terrible, do you think it’s enough for the play?”
Hua Cheng hummed, “Gege running away was amusing enough”
“San Lang!” Xie Lian made a light smack that hit Hua Cheng’s arm, he laughed in return and continued, “I am not mad gege, just worried when you left like this. It was my first kiss too”
Xie Lian’s mind could not possibly register it that Hua Cheng hasn’t kissed anyone, he was sure that many would be after him!
“So…it’s only a kiss? Nothing else?”
Hua Cheng remained silence before watching the leaves being dragged away from the gentle breeze, he smiled and said, “It can be whatever Gege wants to be”
“I…that’s reassuring” Xie Lian breathed out, “At least I won’t embarrass myself on stage, I am glad...” He turned to view Hua Cheng’s distant gaze with half opened mouth, his lips were shut tight and waited for any response out of Hua Cheng.
Hua Cheng crossed his legs and met Xie Lian’s eyes after a long pause, Xie Lian swallowed his saliva and tripped on his own words, “I have a feeling…I didn’t try enough last time.”
“What does gege mean by that?” Hua Cheng raised his eyebrows and blinked, blinked? Hua Cheng has one eye…wink?
“I was probably awful at it right? San Lang did most of the work…” Xie Lian mumbled and played with the thread of his creamed colored sweater, “I wish to repay for it”
“Gege…?” Hua Cheng half whispered, “What do you mean?-”
“For the kiss I feel like we need to be better at this, we are half way done with the rehearsals and I still don’t look convincing enough...” Xie Lian inhaled and whispered, “If San Lang doesn’t mind…can I try a quick kiss?”
Hua Cheng stilled and remained wide eyed before he was finally be able to breath, “Gege doesn’t have to repay for anything, I can assure you that-”
“But I want to, can San Lang cooperate?” Xie Lian asked and leaned closer, “It’s the moment when the Bride and the Groom finally reunite and let out their feelings, if I look stiff like this on the stage it might ruin the whole scene…that’s why I…” Xie Lian bend his head down, “Thats why I think I should be good at it, does San Lang mind this?”
If it wasn’t for Hua Cheng’s black locks Xie Lian could spot the spreading blush on his pierced ears, Hua Cheng composed himself and gave a sly smile, “I don’t mind, do you want to take the lead this time?” This made Xie Lian’s cheek flush red and he quickly let out, “I will try!”
Hua Cheng smiled and looked at Xie Lian, waiting…for a move, anything. Xie Lian on the other hand was having all shorts lf feelings, ‘It was impulsive, why did I agree on making the first move…why…’ He looked at Hua Cheng and took his hand. Hua Cheng on the other hand looked like he wanted to laugh but was holding back from it, Xie Lian didn’t know whether to laugh or cry…Hua Cheng sighed for a moment when Xie Lian ambushed him, he grabbed Hua Chengs cheek and bought their faces closer.
‘Its now or never…’ Xie Lian thought…then the moment felt like an absolute blur…his head felt blank and empty…the only thing he remember was himself pulling his other hand from Hua Chengs and grabbing his other cheek too and pulling him into a kiss. It wasn’t forceful or harsh, Xie Lian tried being as gentle as possible, he was told to make the first move but he didn’t know how, he didn’t want to be harsh with Hua Cheng, he was his friend and since they were doing this for the sake of the play, he was going to do it the correct way.
The kiss lasted maybe a minute. Neither of them made the first move to pull away…Xie Lian could admit it qas better than the first time, he felt much more comfortable…but the kiss was lasting forever and he needed air, so he opened his eyes and pulled away from Hua Cheng.
Hua Chen opened his eyes and smiled “Gege did well” he chuckled a bit
“San Lang did well too…” he smiled on the outside….meanwhile on the inside Xie Lian didn’t know whether to laugh or crying.
“So in between, vocal practice, history lessons and the play rehearsals…we can take a break and practice” Hua Cheng had a small and sly smile while looking at Xie Lian
Xie Lian nodded “Yeah…we can even do it at the 3rd dressing room, since no one goes there, it’s a perfect place to kiss practice…we won’t be bothered…” Xie Lian then looked at the time, it was 8:30. He had to get going, Shi Qingxaun would come by in thirty minutes, he had to clean up his room and tidy up the space, even get some snacks and drinks on the way. Xie Lian got up “San Lang, I have to get going…home…im sorry if im leaving again so soon”
“Hm…I’ll walk gege home…if he doesn’t mind of course” Hua Cheng then got up and looked at him
Xie Lian smiled at him, he had to admit he did short of want to spend more time with San Lang, make up for the time he avoided him “I don’t mind, I’ll also have to make a small run to the mini market on the way…if you don’t mind tagging along”
Hua Cheng shook his head “anything gege wants, I’ll carry your stuff too, I don’t mind”
“Oh no San Lang!- You don’t have to-”
“I insist”
Xie Lian sighed, he knew that San Lang would still insist even if he said no…he just nodded and they started walking on the way to Xie Lains neighborhood, a kiosk was near the house, they made a small stop and Xie Lian bought different kinds of chips and Cheetos, a Hell for Shi Qingxuan and despite usually not getting it he got 2 monsters for him and Hua Cheng, he wanted to that him. When they payed and got out the kiosk Xie Lian reached in the bag and took the monster and straw out “Here you go” Xie Lian smiled…
Hua Cheng looked surprised and took the monster and straw “Thank you gege…” he reached and took the bag from Xie Lians hands to carry and they started to walk “I thought gege did not really drink monster”
“I don’t usually, but once in a while I enjoy one” Xie Lian smiled as they walked
“Does gege have big plans tonight?”
“Not really, I’ll sleepover with Shi Qingxuan, we were talking about having one for weeks now”
Hua Cheng opened his monster and put the straw into the can “Well I wish gege to have fun tonight”
Xie Lian looked at the sky, smiling, then looked back at Hua Cheng “Well I hope San Lang has fun whatever he does tonight” by then they had reached Xie Lians house “Thank you for walking me home…”
“No need to thank me gege, id always do it” Hua Cheng gave the bag of stuff from the kiosk to Xie Lian and he took it.
Xie Lian took his key out his pocket and held the bag “Well then San Lang I guess that’s a good-”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence…Hua Cheng had grabbed his face and kissed him…Xie Lian looked surprised but accepted it and shut his eyes…moments after Hua Cheng pulled away, still holding Xie Lians cheeks with his hands. A sly smile appeared in his face again “That was for the little ambush earlier…” he let go of his cheeks and stepped away from the door “Well then goodnight gege…have fun tonight” he turned away leaving.
Xie Lian quickly got inside the house and shut the door…he slid down to the floor, his back against the door and his face a mess…‘I guess I was literally ambushed back from San Lang...wasn’t I?
“YOU’RE LYING!” Shi Qingxuan was basically shouting over the Ariana Grande songs playing in the background on the television.
“I wish I was…” Xie Lain laid on his back and sighed him and Shi Qingxuan were in their pajamas eating pizza sitting on the couch…Xie Lain hadn’t caught up with Shi Qingxuan on the situation between him and Hua Cheng…it was a much needed conversation he wanted to have with them, he needed to talk to someone…and they were the perfect someone for the job.
“So you guys are just making out? Nothing else?” Shi Qingxuan looked invested and kicked their feet
Xie Lian got flustered immediately and shook his head “No! We aren’t even making out…we just kiss nothing else…”
“Really now, no way you guys are just friends, I call bullshit” Shi Qingxuan took a sip of their hell in the wine glass and held it like it had actual wine inside.
“I mean it! We are just friends…me and San Lang are practicing”
Shi Qingxuan’s fine eyebrows furrowed, “Practicing for what? Dating?”
“Come on, we are practicing for the play, for the kissing scene, we don’t want to suck at it alright?” Xie Lian took a slice of pizza and started to eat it.
Shi Qingxuan spoke again taking another sip from the hell “Still calling bullshit, you guys literally have soo much chemistry with each other and what pisses me off is that you’re too dumb to even think about it. Like come on bestie, you’re telling me two friends kiss each other and that means nothing?”
“Well yeah…we won’t get stupid stage practice kissing in between our friendship” he chuckled and continued eating his pizza
Shi Qingxuan took a slice of pizza as well and laid back more comfortably on the pillows of the couch “So you mean to tell me you haven’t considered dating Hua Cheng?”
“I don’t think San Lang sees me that way, he deserves a lot better than me right? Someone as interesting as him in my opinion” he finished the slice of pizza and went in for another one, “Maybe he has his eye on someone...”
Shi Qingxuan stayed silent, then they started to laugh “Alright then mister ‘I make out with my friend for fun’ let’s have a bet shall we? I bet…” they paused then looked down for a moment and back up again “…I bet that you and Hua Cheng will be a couple by the end of 2017…if it happens you’re buying me smoke, the papers and the filters I use for my cigarettes”
Xie Lian look at his slice of pizza for a moment and nodded “Sure and I bet you that me and San Lang will still be good friends and nothing else by the end of 2017 and you lose you’re buying me...” Xie Lian paused and look at the coffee table at the monster he was drinking “You’re buying me a monster energy drink” he extended his hand to Shi Qingxaun “Deal?”
Shi Qingxaun shook his hand “Deal.” They laid back on the couch “So should we watch a movie or tv show?”
Xie Lain took the remote “Let’s start with a movie and re-watch stranger things?”
Shi Qingxuan nodded and Xie Lian put on Netflix. They watched Clueless for a movie and then rewatched the whole new season of stranger things that had just come out, they wanted to catch up to the show. They stayed up until 5 am in the morning watching the show, commenting on their favorite characters, doing face masks, reading magazines and yapping about everything and anything. Xie Lian dozed off around 5:30. They woke up around 12:50 pm to 1 pm the next day. Xie Lian opened his eyes laying down on the one couch while Shi Qingxaun was dead asleep on the other one. He got up and first thing went to the bathroom, after that he went in the kitchen to have breakfast, he wasn’t in the mood to cook and there was cereal in the cabinet, Xie Lian opened it and took the box of cereal, then grabbed a bowl and after pouring milk he was all set. He sat at the kitchen table and started eating. He opened his phone, he had a text from Hua Cheng around 10 pm.
HC- Good morning gege, had fun last night?
Xie Lian smiled at the text, in his mind he was sure he’d win the bet him and Shi Qingxaun did last night…
XL- Good morning San Lang, I had fun yeah, just a bit sleepy that’s all
Hua Cheng almost immediately texted back
HC- Dang gege what time did you sleep last night to be all tired today?
XL- I think 5 am? Not sure
HC- Woah, gege probably had lots of fun last night, what were you up to?
XL- Watched the new season of stranger things, it was honestly pretty fun, enjoyed it a lot
HC- Was it that good? Haven’t watched it yet gege
XL- It was lots of fun, I recommend it
HC- Since gege likes it, it’s probably good, I’ll give it a watch
Shi Qingxuan stepped into the kitchen while yawning and stretching themselves, Xie Lian put his phone down and gestured Shi Qingxuan to the cereal box “I have cereal if you want...” He noted after he swallowed.
“Do you have 0% fat milk here?” Shi Qingxuan opened the fridge
Xie Lian couldn’t comprehend the words out of Shi Qingxuan’s mouth, “I guess?” He was staring at his phone screen once more.
Shi Qingxuan grabbed the milk and slice of toast bread, “I am so glad your dad isn’t an almond mom, every time I come here I see Merenda on your fridge”. They started spreading the chocolate on the bread slice and take a bite, “Are you texting you’re really really really awesome friend right now?” They cooed and leaned on the counter
“Don’t tease me Shi Qingxuan…” Xie Lian ate his cereal frustratingly in return
They did not stop, “Are you guys going to cuddle and hold hands for practice too?” They ate their slice and poured a modest bowl of cereal and then began eating spoonful’s
“It was an only a kiss…”
“Yeah yeah practice kissing I get it I get it” Shi Qingxuan waved off, “Next thing you are going to tell me is that he is your sworn brother and still eat each other’s faces-“
Xie Lian had risen from his seat and put his bowl down hastily on the sink, “Can we talk about something else? I have a lot in my mind right now…”
Shi Qingxuan stared at their bowl and the swimming cereal on the bottom, “Well besides your…practice and tests, what’s up?”
“I don’t know I haven’t been able to focus on my studies recently and I don’t want my grades to be lowered, I already go to frontystirio and study all day, I don’t-“
“Look you don’t have to be Ling Wen 2.0, I say you don’t study at all today and relax a bit.” Shi Qingxuan finished their bowl and looked Xie Lian deep in the eyes, “Let’s go out! We should go to this club that me and-”
“Club? I don’t think-”
“Come on! It will be fun! We have even to drink…well not much at least!” Shi Qingxuan wrapped their arm around Xie Lian, “You need to go out once in a while you know…forget about studies for once or…Hua Cheng”
Xie Lian stilled, “Well I don’t know I am not really good with alcohol and I promised my dad not to do anything with it, he forbid me to do so” Shi Qingxuan pouted and continued
“Buuut does he still know about Hua Cheng and you kissed him? I don’t think so!”
“He can’t know! He will kill me”
“Both of them I assume” Shi Qingxuan sighed and let go of Xie Lian, “Considerate it for tonight please, you seriously need a break from all this. It’s okay to lose yourself for a while you know?”
Xie Lian sighed “I’m not a fun of clubs…plus even thinking about one exhausts me…”
“What if Hua Cheng was there? Would you consider going then?” Shi Qingxuan spoke curiously
“San Lang does not like clubs…we talked about this many many times”
“Not the question, my question is, if he were to go, would you go too?”
Xie Lian paused and looked at his bowel of cereal…after a few minutes Shi Qingxuan just nodded “I think I got my answer to that…” Shi Qingxuan sighed and spoke again “look…Xie Lian, I know you don’t want to admit to yourself…but you indeed have a crush on Hua Cheng. We’ve all been there, before admitting to anyone but most importantly myself that I was into He Xuan, I’d always pull the ‘Oh we are just close friends’ card, it’s completely normal to like Hua Cheng. Plus the kiss says it all, he’s clearly into you and honestly you’ve scored a hot one too”
Xie Lian cheeks felt warm after the comments but he didn’t say anything, Shi Qingxaun continued “Oh I mean it…he may have rumors around him but he’s a hot one, lots of girls would want to be in your place right now”
Xie Lian didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Shi Qingxuan opened their phone to take a story…Xie Lain looked down at his plate silently ‘That’s a bunch of nonsense…I mean me and San Lang? No way…what we’re doing is platonic…nothing romantic going one…we’re just two good friends that practice kiss for a play…its nothing…right?’ Xie Lian sighed and continued eating his cereal.
“So you’ll be coming to the club tonight or-”
“I said count me out already…no I won’t come”
.Shi Qingxuan sighed disappointedly and dramatically above all “Fine…fine whatever suits you, but if you change your mind you know where I’ll be. I’ll take A-Xuan with me too”
Xie Lian finished his cereal “Now it’s an even harder pass…”
“Killjoy” Shi Qingxuan continued eating their cereal and Xie Lian chuckled, Shi Qingxaun continued speaking “So do your parents know anything about…this?
“Would I be alive right now if they knew?”
“Good point, Mei Nianqing is the type of parents that would be happy, Jun Wu on the other hand would probably lock you in cellar”
Xie Lian sighed “Not wrong on that one….all jokes aside they won’t be happy about all this…especially since they want me focusing on my studies”
Shi Qingxuan nodded “I’ll just pretend I know nothing if I’m ever asked…”
“I’ll also need you to cover for me, if they ever call and I’m not there pretended I’m there with you”
“Trust me I figured I’d do that by now, like when you cover for me” Shi Qingxuan learning finished their breakfast, Xie Lian then got up and took both bowls in the sink filling them with water insde.
Xie Lian then sat back down in the kitchen table next to Shi Qingxuan…they opened their phone again and spoke “Can we go out in a bit? I want a quick smoke”
Xie Lian nodded “Yep, I’ll also have to clean out the ashtray from last time…Jun Wu is starting to suspect stuff”
“He always does”, Shi Qingxuan stared at their phone and sighed, “I really need a smoke right now…”
The sun was sitting down, Xie Lian was washing the ashtray on the sink and immediately dried it, then he looked over the window and saw a parked car outside.
Mei Nianqing is here, I better place the ashtray back.
Then he heard the keys tingle outside the door and remained calm, Xie Lian was still thinking of Shi Qingxuan’s words and shake in head in disapproval, would Hua Cheng like him that way? But why me?
“Xie Lian are you in the kitchen??” Mei Nianqing yelled as he took off his shoes, “Don’t tell me you are making something in there”
Xie Lian blinked, “I am just washing a few plates...”
Mei Nianqing sighed in relief and hang his coat, “Good…didn’t I tell you to order if you are hungry?”
“Don’t we still have leftover dolmadakia from yesterday? I don’t think ordering is necessary”
“If you say so” Mei Nianqing shrugged, “I guess I should let Jun Wu cook more often.”
“He made these??” Xie Lian questioned
“Don’t ask, you could say he was in the mood…anyways how did you spend your time with Shi Qingxuan?”
“Oh good…they offered me to go out again today, but I am going stay home”
Mei Nianqing frowned at this, “Why not?”
“I don’t think I should today…and I have an upcoming test next week, you know…the test you had assigned”, Xie Lian stated
Mei Nianqing had already washed his hands in the kitchen, “Oh please that’s not going to make me cancel it…you are going to have study hard young man”, he paused then to meet Xie Lian’s gaze, “But you still have time, why don’t you go outside?”
“I have no reason to, really!”
“If you insist you can help me clean the house around a little, your father will be coming home soon, and he will probably be tired. Why don't you start with our room?”
Xie Lian nodded and said, “You also must be tired, you should lie down a little”
“I am not that old, i can relax after we clean, and after I prepare for more tests and... more essay corrections...” Mei Nianqing rubbed his temples, “Never mind just go vacuum our room little and i will check the laundry”
“Yes...” Xie Lian quietly let out. Mei Nianqing turned on his heel and left the living room, silently and gaze unfocused as if he automatically led his body, Xie Lian felt complicated as he watched Mei Nianqing’s autopilot moves—every parent must be used to this by now, Mei Nianqing had always shared stories of his childhood and how much of a trouble child Xie Lian was. In his own cute, special way.
Yet Xie Lian wondered if this was a typical behavior of Mei Nianqing or something ugly happened that is not ready to be revealed. He knew Mei Nianqing didn't really desire to clean or do chores right now; nothing motivated him to do so. If he is busy with something, he doesn't need to bother with small conversations or confrontations. Xie Lian was vacuuming their room and finished faster than estimated, in reality the room was clean, everything was organized and dust free. Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing retained the bedroom in pristine condition as they barely interacted with their surroundings, except for Mei Nianqings mirror and desk that held cosmetics and Jun Wu’s mini desk with his laptop.
“There is barely anything here...” Xie Lian turned off the vacuum and rolled the cable into the device, then he rolled it outside and closed the door behind. The door slam was loud even if Xie Lian didn't use force. The house was deadly silent and caused Xie Lian to feel uncertain. He appreciates a peaceful environment, and his neighborhood gladly upheld that quietness. The lack of a single sound was worrying, wasn't Mei Nianqing setting laundry?
“I finished! Should i continue in the living room?” Xie Lian’s voice echoed slightly on the wooden stairs. He bit his lip as he waited for a response.
Then Mei Nianqings indifferent call came, “Already? Fine continue with the living room”
“Alright!” Xie Lian walked downstairs…he started working on the living room, tidying up and cleaning the space, it was not a huge mess last night, him and Shi Qingxuan had washed their plates from last night and threw their trash away. The only thing left off where crumbs on the couch and floor, table and such. Mei Nianqing thankfully wasn’t the type of person to freak out with crumbs, messy pillows and blankets. Xie Lian started working on separating clean from dirty, he put the dirty blankets on the side of the floor the rest and got a new couch covers from a drawer in the living room. He tided up the couches and cleaned them with a small vacuum from crumbs. After all that he vacuum the floor, cleaned the coffee table and TV screen, he was done. The kitchen and bathrooms were left, Xie Lian knew he’d probably take care of the bathroom since Mei Nianqing had his own order and way with how the kitchen was usually set, the only thing that was in place there so far were the plates, since they were already washed and dried.
After an hour and a half Xie Lian was done with both bathrooms. Mei Nianqing was down in the kitchen cleaning and putting everything back in place. Xie Lian walked down the stairs and made his way to the kitchen “Dad I’m done with the bathrooms”
Mei Nianqing was cleaning the counters, he turned around to look at him “Alright, you can go to your room and I’ll take care of the rest”
Xie Lian nodded “I’ll go study”, Mei Nianqing nodded and continued on cleaning the kitchen counters. Xie Lian made his way upstairs and back in his room he threw himself back in reading words in ancient Greek, Latin, he did multiple assignments he had left off and read at last the chapters they had to for history. All and all he spent all his afternoon in his room doing subject after subject, though there were moments of silence that his mind would drift off to what Hua Cheng was doing at the moment. Xie Lian kept smiling at himself when having those thought and told himself he’d text him after finishing off his homework and studying.
When he finally got to his last bit of work, rereading about 1910s Greece, he heard the fortnight door open and close. Jun Wu was home for sure…not long after he confirmed it by bedroom door opened without a sign of a knock.
“Lianlian, how are you? What are you up to?” Jun Wu entered Xie Lians room without knocking once again, still in a fancy suit, probably came right after the court case finished off. Xie Lian looked away from his notes, “Studying.”
“I see, Mei Nianqing giving you a hard time?”
“Not really, he could be harsher”
Jun Wu gave a chuckle, “Don't say that in front of him”. Then he pushed lightly the door for privacy, “We haven't talked for a while, I keep getting drowned in cases and files...” Jun Wu then cleared his throat and hovered over Xie Lian’s shoulder, “Do you need help with this one? I have done the same things on your age”
“It's not the same material as before, and I am good.” Xie Lian stated
“Mei Nianqing told me your grades are stable, do you think you can keep up?” Jun Wu asked
Xie Lian looked up and held his breath. Did Jun Wu expect an honest answer or something he wanted to hear? Xie Lian can bury himself into studies all day and night, acquire the best teachers and private tutors, and have his father’s guidance. He can give out his best performance in the Panhellenic exams and still fail, many students can’t win a seat in the most common universities, will he make it? Xie Lian wanted to, he really does.
“I...don't know”
Jun Wu’s eyebrows knitted, “You don't know?”
“I need 18,000 points to get into jurisprudence; my tutors told me i have reached 14,000 points and still not enough...”
“You still have one year to prepare and 14,000 is already a good progress, what are you nervous about?”, Jun Wu kneeled on Xie Lian’s eye level, “Since you were a child you always had a sharp mind, and you still do, You should start building your life while your brain is young and will never have to worry about the next meal. Even if you struggle, I can find new tutors or after school facility, I can sort it out.”
Xie Lian had a complicated expression, “There is no need, my tutors had helped me a lot.”
Perhaps Xie Lian can win that seat in the law school and even reach the top of the results, one of the best achievements a student can do, and then what? He will step into law school and become a lawyer.
And then what?
Xie Lian thought: Then what? Is this what he wanted? Mei Nianqing will be proud, Jun Wu will be proud, his friends will be proud, and he should be proud. Yet why does he feel bitter right now? Shouldn't he climb the road of success, and achieve what most can't? He already chose his orientation; he can't go back even if he wanted to. So, what's left to lose?
“Good, continue that way”, Jun Wu gave Xie Lian a gentle pat and stood at the door, “Remember you can tell me what's troubling you, I know I am not home most of the time so I understand that you might not want to share things with me.”
“I don't have anything to share...” Xie Lian trailed and chewed on his inner lip, “Nothing happens at school”
Jun Wu laughed, “Please I was not born yesterday, and with some of the cases i worked with, many kids your age end up on trials so i know what kids are up to”, he paused. “And one of them was from your school too”
“I have not heard of it.”, Xie Lian said doubtfully
“The matter did not concern your school so it was never mentioned, but you should be careful with the friendships you have.” Jun Wu then shut the door
Xie Lian blankly stared on shower wall as water dripped through his temples. He exhaled slowly and grabbed the soap to start washing himself. Many train of thoughts raced through his mind, never ending questions that Xie Lian loops all over. His mind wasn’t at rest, Shi Qingxuan’s words still weighted on his heart and prickled him; They couldn’t joke about matters like that, Hua Cheng is just a friend, he is just-
They just-
They just kissed.
What was the thing Shi Qingxuan called? Friends with benefits? If even two people…”do” it, that doesn’t mean they are in a relationship, Shi Qingxuan explained it in details. A kiss doesn’t mean anything…Hua Cheng was just being nice, otherwise wouldn’t he be forward about it?
It was only kiss!
Xie Lian eyebrows furrowed and he bit his lip, it was only a kiss! Nothing else! -
Then Xie Lian took a misstep and gasped as he weight nearly crashed with the shower curtain, he held onto the counter and watched the curtains fall into the wet carpet with a loud THUD. Xie Lian stared at the mess dumbfounded before turning off the water and pick up the curtain rod from the floor.
“Xie Lian what the hell was that!?” Mei Nianqing yelled from downstairs
“Nothing! I am okay, don’t come up!”, Xie Lian yelled as he attempted to put back the curtain rod into the wall, in vain as damage was already done to the wall thanks for the amount of weight it received. Xie Lian frowned and placed the rod down, looks like he will ask Jun Wu to fix it whenever he has time…
Xie Lian dried himself and changed into new comfortable clothes, he wiped with his palm the foggy mirror and found his own reflection staring back. His hair has grown until the ends fell on his shoulders, the eye bags were far visible and Xie Lian overtime has gotten tanner. Mei Nianqing would still insist on sunscreen and limited exposure to the sun, Xie Lian did not mind it as he enjoyed bathing in the sun’s warmth.
He called Mei Nianqing to report the shower curtain problem, Mei Nianqing was irritated and murmured something about Xie Lian being clumsy. Xie Lian nodded along and opened the door to his bedroom, he abandoned his books on the desk and concluded his studies for today. He hasn’t opened his phone for a while and when Xie Lian finally unlocked his screen, a bunch of messages appeared to be sent from Hua Cheng. A smile spread across Xie Lian’s face as he read. But he’d respond later, for now he immediately moved to Snapchat to his and Shi Qingxuan’s chat.
SQX- bestiee so I want you to rate this outfit out of 10 pleaseee
SQX SEND A SNAP
SQX- Also! How does this shirt look? Do you like it?
SQX SEND A SNAP
SQX- Tell me thoughts when you’re able to toooo
The messages were sent about 20 minutes ago, Xie Lian opened the first snap, the outfit Shi Qingxuan was wearing was 10/10 once again, but they always had to confirm with Xie Lian beforehand.
XL- The outfit looks amazing it’s a 10/10
Xie Lian then opened the second snap, it was a white t-shirt with a small alien head in the middle, it looked really nice Xie Lian replied without thinking much
XL- Also the shirt you told me it’s really nice
Not even 5 minutes Shi Qingxuan started typing
SQX- Thank you bestiee also the shirt is yours now >;D
Xie Lian was caught off guard and started to frantically type
XL- Oh no no, I can’t take it no
SQX- Well too bad I’ll give to you tomorrow at school, can’t do nothing about it now
SQX- Oopies >;D
Xie Lian knew there was no point in arguing with Shi Qingxaun, even if he said no they’d still do it, it’s in their nature.
SQX- Anywayyy I’ll go out with A-Xuan, so I’ll maybe try texting again later tonight, if not we’ll talk tmr, see ya bestieee :D
XL- Alright talk to you later then, see ya
Xie Lian then finally opened his and Hua Chengs chat up again, there were surprisingly way more that were unread, they were all sent hours ago, the last one was around 4 pm, when he was cleaning the house with Mei Nianqing.
HC- I’ll probably start the show now gege, I’ll tell you thoughts
HC- alright gege I’m on episode 3 now and I think I’ll leave it at that, I’ll continue it when I have free time since the episodes are long, it’s very interesting so far I can see why you and Shi Qingxuan like it.
HC- Also gege are we still good for vocal sessions on Friday and the weekend study sessions?
HC- Do you want to hang out at your house again tomorrow before we go to school?
HC- no pressure
Xie Lian smiled at the messages and started to type back as he laid on his bed
XL- Hi San Lang sorry for not replying earlier I was helping out with chores plus studying, anyway I’m free to talk now, but I’m glad you liked Stranger Things, it’s a pretty nice show, also we are still good for the vocal and study sessions
XL- And yes you can come by tomorrow morning, maybe we can make coffee or tea to take to school together
Xie Lian paused for a moment looked up at the sealing and back down at the screen, he then started to type again, blushing without really realizing as he pressed sent.
XL- Maybe we can also practice, for the play
XL- My parents won’t be home
Hua Cheng started typing back in seconds
HC- Sure gege, we can practice if you want to tomorrow before school, I’d be more than happy to gege
HC- You know the more we practice the more natural it will be in the play
XL- I agree on that, we need every chance we can get to practice for the kiss scene, it needs to look natural. So we don’t make fools of ourselves on stage.
HC- I have an idea, maybe we can practice kiss in the third dressing room, since we had our first kiss there, no one will bother us
XL- I agree, honestly it can work out there, plus no one goes there anymore
HC- yeah, not after the rumors that kids did weed and orgies there, honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did, the school is fucked up anyway
XL- Honestly, I agree San Lang, the school is a messy place
HC- Anyway enough about the school, how was your day?
XL- It was pretty chill, mostly did chores and studied, how about you San Lang? How was your day?
HC- pretty boring, got better since gege texted me
XL- did I make your day?
HC- by a lot
XL- I’m happy to hear that San Lang
HC- You always make my day gege, even if we speak for a little bit
Xie Lian started to have that weird feeling again, the one he had when they first kissed, he shook his head and typed back
XL- You also make my day San Lang :)
Xie Lian held the phone to his chest and gripped it tightly; he has forgotten to close the chat and started digging his fingernails into the plastic of the phone case, every response from Hua Cheng caused his heart to flatter, throw away rational thinking and reply with no second considerations. He looked up to his phone and realized he left Hua Cheng on seen, how long has he-
HC- Glad to hear, by the way i did the practice gege told me to do. How's this?
San Lang has sent a voice message.
Am i doing it correctly?
A paired of tangled earphones sat beside Xie Lian’s nightstand, with little attempt to untangle them he plugged in and started listening to the recording. Hua Cheng’s voice was deep and rich, in a boyish nature that Xie Lian found hard to resist, the recording started with Hua Cheng going quickly over the notes and then do a warm-up. Xie Lian was too focused on Hua Cheng’s enchanting voice to pay attention to his warm-up, he started typing after a few minutes and realized he still needed to give Hua Cheng a few corrections.
XL– That was good San Lang, remember to always take breaks as well. Try to keep the same tone and range when you do the exercises, unfortunately I can’t send a recording right now but keep going.
HC- Gege is truly the best teacher
XL- I am really not…that’s only the basics.
HC- Should I attempt to sing a part? I want your opinion on this.
XL- Yes go ahead
Xie Lian waited for another incoming voice message and stared at their chat with anticipation, how would the final results sound like? The songs have duets in it and Xie Lian hasn’t asked Hua Cheng to sing together, as he needed to improve further before that level. Will their voices match? It’s intended for a man and a woman to sing together, how will this sound like when Xie Lian is also a boy?
San Lang has sent a message.
It was 2 minutes long and Xie Lian immediately clicked to listen carefully, at first there was a static silence and the sound of paper flicking; Hua Cheng must be preparing the papers. Then he heard Hua Cheng clearing his throat before beginning the solo of the Ghost Groom, it started slow and melancholic as Hua Cheng’s voice was quiet, trembling and only after a few verses his voice started to rise. Xie Lian knew this part of the play, the Ghost Groom was alone and discovered the runaway bride in the forest. In this scene the Ghost Groom pities the young bride and slowly approaches her.
Hua Cheng’s voice was steady and clear, Xie Lian caught a few moments of slipping and errors but at this point he ignored, he listened with quiet sighs as the recording ended. He was the ideal Ghost Groom after all, anyone can feel a hint of handsomeness in the voice.
HC- you can listen to it any time you want, I don’t think I will do more tonight.
Xie Lian typed back and his cheeks hurt from smiling
XL- this was really good, you are a natural San Lang. It’s a hard part so don’t feel upset for making errors, we can work on it when we meet.
HC- I never doubted gege’s teaching skills
Xie Lian yawned and begun typing back.
XL- it’s getting late, I will have to go to sleep soon. San Lang shouldn’t also forget to rest.
HC- I still have things to do but gege shouldn’t worry. Have a great night.
XL- Goodnight San Lang! See you tomorrow.
The phone was placed on the nightstand and Xie Lian left it charging, he buried himself under the soft thick covers and moved around until he felt content with his position. Xie Lian resisted the urge to look at their chat again, the eyelids were becoming heavier and Xie Lian’s mind foggy. Before he fell into a deep slumber Xie Lian wished he could hear more of Hua Cheng’s voice, he didn’t realized how much he needs it.
“Gege?”
Xie Lian couldn’t register anything, his body was floating and his feet lead to the unknown. He was facing a dark hallway and he was dragged away backwards as if a force pulled his strings, Xie Lian didn’t have the strength to react until a gentle hand brushed his palm and another wrapped around his waist. Xie Lian couldn’t breathe nor speak, he was at mercy of the soft touch and voice that guided him.
“Gege can you hear me?”
Xie Lian body felt like liquid as he was ready to melt into the stranger’s warmth, the hold was firm but Xie Lian sunk deeper into the embrace as he got a glimpse of the face upon him. He smiled and let out a sigh.
“San Lang.” Xie Lian’s voice was blurry but he chose to ignore it, Hua Cheng sneakered and played the fabric that protected Xie Lian’s waist, “Gege you promised me”
Xie Lian was left confused, “Promised you what?”
“You promised to continue where we left off”, Hua Cheng held Xie Lian’s chin and brought it closer, “Gege is so forgettable”
“San Lang…are you taking me somewhere?” Xie Lian can’t even tell anymore, Hua Cheng let go of his check to cup Xie Lian’s check instead.
“Is Gege afraid?”
“No why I be afraid of San Lang?” Xie Lian studied Hua Cheng’s unmoving face, he hummed softly and brought their faces closer together. Xie Lian’s breath hitched until their lips made the lightest contact.
“Good.” Hua Cheng opened his mouth to greedily take Xie Lian’s lips, Xie Lian let out a sound and suddenly the world started to shutter around him. The pounding of his heart was hammering his chest, ready to rip out of his ribs, Xie Lian’s body jolted and suddenly the warmth was gone. His vision met a dark lidded ceiling and cold sweat dripped from his neck, Xie Lian couldn’t move.
After coming to his sense slowly Xie Lian nearly dropped from his bed while reaching for the phone. It’s 4:56 AM…
Xie Lian miserably put away his device and curled into the covers, his bed side was empty and cold, the warmth he was feeling was absent, forgotten. Xie Lian covered his face and thought frustratingly, this has gone too far! What is-
Xie Lian had no doubts anymore, how long does this have to continue? Hasn’t he already denied enough? Shi Qingxuan can joke about many things, they don’t have to be true but today Xie Lian was confronted for something he couldn’t face. Hua Cheng was undeniably handsome and always treated him kindly, Xie Lian always wanted to be suspicious of his acts since kindness without honesty has ill intentions. Yet Hua Cheng’s actions felt honest without malice, Xie Lian suddenly remembered everything— farewell the party in middle school, the audition, the talks they would have under the night sky or sun fall, their first kiss-
But why someone like me, out of everyone? There is nothing special about me.
Yet Hua Cheng still chose to let that kiss happen, it was for the play right? It has to be, Xie Lian insisted for this case. His mind wouldn’t be at ease anymore. He can’t stop thinking about it, the dream did not help at all.
What if Xie Lian longed for more of it? Is it normal to urge for further practice kissing? What if Xie Lian longed for Hua Cheng’s touch, voice and company? How long has it been since their first encounter at the farewell party; 2 years ago Xie Lian met a handsome stranger before losing him again thanks to his terrible luck, did fate play games with him again? How long until Xie Lian’s bad luck strikes again, will Hua Cheng be disgusted by his feelings?
He is too kind, way too kind but I shouldn’t-
Xie Lian’s eyes were squeezed tight throughout his turmoil, he opened them forcefully and sat up to hug his knees. It was still dark outside and he could hear both of his parents softly snore from their room, Xie Lian’s mind was buzzing and then he lowered his head in great defeat.
I think I like Hua Cheng…