Chapter Text
Saitama was contemplating taking a nap when the message bubble came.
It hovered in front of Saitama, rather than go for Genos, who was busy furnishing the extra rooms they'd recently added to their rock house.
Well, Saitama had sung the hollows for the rooms into existence, and Genos insisted on being the one who did the interior decorating.
So Saitama reached up, touched the bubble, and it popped, dropping a card of sorts.
It was properly embroidered, and had a spiralling line of seals with a voice recording in case the person receiving it had trouble reading.
"Huh. We got an invitation to the royal wedding, and to the crowning."
"If it's Amai again, set Boros on him." Genos said. "He's always wanted to present you with the head of your enemies. So do you think the creamy orange or the faded blue striped seashells would be a better choice? Or maybe the speckled pink ones after all?"
"It's not Amai. It's Mumen."
"Wait, Mumen gets married to Amai?" Genos' face was a study in quiet horror, and pity. This would have soon shifted to something more focused at the thought of the possibility of rescuing Mumen and smashing Amai's face into the palace walls, had Saitama not spoken.
"I hope not, apparently they're half-brothers, and Mumen gets crowned because he's the first to find a consort."
Saitama looked at the card again. "Or two."
"It's not a trap?"
Saitama hummed noncommitically, and activated the voice recording by running a finger over the seals.
They lit up and began emmitting the sound of Mumen cheerfully reading out the same words that were on the card, except with interruptions of two different male voices.
"Sounds legit."
"That sounds like one of the warriors who trained with me, but I don't recognize the other one." Genos said.
"One of them sounds like this guy I beat up once."
"Is he likely to take revenge?"
"Nah. He actually thanked me for it. Said it gave him a whole new perspective on life."
"Does that happen often?"
"Not really. He was a bit weird anyway."
"What did he look like? I highly doubt it would be the same person I trained with, but I've never been the best at reading people."
"Uh, pointy? He's a killer whale-mer. Whitish hair?"
"Not the mer I was thinking off, then."
"The invite says you can come too. Do you wanna go?"
"Wouldn't the travel put undue strain on you?" said Genos, cuddling closer and having his fingers rest just at the edge of Saitama's abdomen.
"It wouldn't."
"Maybe we should leave early so we can take our time getting there. We should take plenty of breaks. Bring food for if you get hungry. Maybe I should bring a pillow."
"It's going to be like this until I actually lay them, isn't it."
"You deserve to be coddled. And right now you need it."
"Need it? I don't need..." Saitama's mouth clamped shut before he said something stupid and hurt Genos' feelings. Genos could get real snippy when he was feeling hurt, and he wasn't feeling up to an intense talking it out right now.
"I guess it is kind of nice. Sometimes." Saitama grudgingly admitted.
Genos smiled at him and Saitama wondered how he got so lucky.
"Uh, so you said something about shells?"
How and why does he have a pompadour underwater?
Because he's not recognizably Badd without it, that's why.
But yes, logic is standing outside, feeling conflicted about allowing one specific hairstyle in a story about magic mermaids.
I was considering lamprey, hagfish, and piranha for Garou, but let's be honest, Garou('s act) looks scary and he is strong, but when you get right down to it, he's... he tries to look intimidating, and sure, he can do some severe bodily harm, and he's the kind of idiot on the level of that Lelouch guy. But he is a whole lot less nasty about it.
Bang is a catfish, probably mostly due to moustache reasons.
Charanko is a crabeater seal because Charanko would try to fight someone way stronger than him if they offend him on a personal basis and hurt the people he cares about.
Crabeater seals are less often on the menu of apex predators like the killer whale than a Weddell seal, despite living in the same area, because a crabeater fights back against whatever it is that tries to eat them, and sometimes even escapes with their life. Eventually, said predators learn to recognize the little "fight me" bastards, and avoid hunting crabeater seals if there are other options.
Probably completely ooc something:
"I'm an independent fish-person, darnit."
"Technically dear, you're an independent shrimp-person."
"Genooos."
"Saitama. Let me spoil you."
"I will flop on you so you can't move."
"We're underwater. Even if I was weak enough that your weight would be any kind of deterrent, the water would still carry most of your weight for me."
"Don't bring logic into this."
"Yes dear."
"Ugh. That's cheating. Now you won."
"Of course dear."
Saitama flapped his arms in frustration.
"At least wait with outsmarting me until I'm awake enough to be at least a little bit smart, ok?"
"I will, dear."
"I'm pouting at you. Pouting at you right now."
"Hmm. Is it a cute pout I might want to kiss off of your face?"
"No. I am not cute."
"Uhuh. I disagree."
"Finally!"
"Do you still want that kiss?"
"Kisses are nice. Kisses from you are nice."
"Come here then."