Chapter Text
The second time it happened, it was purely Conner's fault.
They had just gotten back from a mission. Cassie and Cissie were chattering to each other as usual. Bart ran off to go get food. Kon realized that Robin was nowhere to be found. He had looked so utterly exhausted during the mission. It was so bad Kon didn't have the heart to argue with him, or else guilt would creep into his skin.
After a quick look around with his x-ray vision, he spotted him. He was in the main hall walking in the direction of the training room. He looked frustrated, which was a surprise because the mission actually went really well this time around. There were no arguments, no slip ups, nothing. Nada. So why was Robin so upset?
Kon floated off in his direction, determined to find out what happened. It didn't take a detective to figure out something was wrong, and it didn't take a detective to want to investigate further.
He bent and swooshed through the air over every twist and turn of the great hall, following after Robin quietly. He approached the entrance of the training room and landed lightly. He could see Robin without his x-ray vision now. The practice robots swarmed around him and Kon watched in admiration as he took each one down individually. One after the other, they fell, each time more brutally than the last. He winced as he watched Robin shove his Bo staff through the head of the last one. That one probably couldn't be recovered.
Robin turned to give him a pointed look.
"Do you need something?" He said through gritted teeth, the bark in his voice just barely tamed down and hidden. Kon realized how awkward he probably looked, standing there staring the other boy down. Robin's chest heaved, though he was only panting lightly. Kon could almost feel the exhaustion and anger radiating from him. Kon pursed his lips.
He figured he should get straight to the point before his head got bitten off. "Did uh... Did something happen that I wasn't aware of?" Kon let out an awkward chuckle. The white slits of Robin's mask narrowed. He looked away from Conner and to the robot laying at his feet. His jaw flexed.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Superboy." This time he couldn't fully keep the bite out of his voice. Kon saw what he was trying to do. They were all past their hero names, except for Robin of course. The shorter boy was trying to ice him out. That wasn't going to happen. Maybe the logical thing would've been to leave him alone like he so obviously wanted, but the curiosity got the better of him.
"Dude. I can tell that something's bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?" The glare he received from the ravenette was an obvious no. "Or maybe... Spar about it?" Robin bit his lip and looked from the robot on the ground to Kon.
"You sure?" His voice came out low and gruff. A chill went up Kon's spine. He laughed nervously.
"Invulnerable, remember?" But even as he said it he became unsure. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, but he wasn't a pussy. He couldn't just back out now.
Robin nodded and settled into a defensive position on the mats. Kon quickly reciprocated the motion. He didn't gesture for Kon to pick up a weapon this time. His fingers clung so hard to his staff that he turned white knuckled.
They circled each other for a minute or two, Robin moving around him like a predator about to strike and Conner moving around him to prolong the inevitable.
Abruptly, Robin sprung forward. Conner backed away with a yelp of surprise. He dodged, more mindful not to stumble this time. Robin landed on the other side of him, feet skidding against the floor. Kon didn't even have the time to make a jeering signature Superboy taunt before Robin was after him again. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Blow after blow came Conner's way, and he only managed to avoid about half of them.
Frustration started to seep into all of Robin's movements as the hits became more harsh. He hit harder, struck faster, and it was foreseeable when Kon finally fell back. Robin took his chance, having him pinned to the wall again within seconds with a thud.
Conner's eyes widened from the ferociousness there was in this fight compared to the last one. Robin held him up against the wall. Their faces were inches apart as Robin stared at him with an intensity that made him shudder. They both panted, so close they were nearly breathing in each other's air. Kon's face was flushed and he told himself it was from the exercise.
"Hey uh... Rob? Robbie? You wanna let me go now?" Robin blinked, the intensity in his gaze abating. He cleared his throat and backed up, releasing him from his hold against the wall.
“Uh yeah. Sorry about that.” He gave Conner a sheepish smile that made his heart flutter. Kon looked him over carefully. His shoulders were less tense and the anger seemed to fade away, but the exhaustion persisted. Kon frowned in dissatisfaction. He sat down and patted the floor beside him to signal Robin to do the same.
Robin slid down the wall to sit beside him. He handed Kon his jug of water. Robin’s shoulders sagged but it seemed like he was breathing easier. The quiet fills the room and seems uncomfortably loud before he speaks up again.
“Thanks.” His sigh is breathy and the other boy lets out a breath he was holding as well. Kon turns to look at him again thoughtfully, nodding as he does.
“Feel better?” Kon says with a playful shoulder nudge. Robin lets out a light laugh, his head falling against the wall.
“Much.” His smile is soft and grateful. Kon’s eyes do not linger on his lips! Not at all. Not even a little bit. And, even if they did, who’s there to call him out? Robin? Yeah, right.
This time Kon is the one who stands up. He holds his hand out for Robin to take.
“You want to get Batburger or something, man? I’m starved.” He hoists him up as he talks. Robin hums in agreement.
~
“CONNER! What were you doing? Not only could you have gotten yourself hurt, but the team as well!” Kon had messed up. Again. He bit his lip and blinked his eyes rapidly to keep from crying.
He already had a shit week, between Superman’s clear hostility towards him over every teamup and seemingly random panic attacks that led to a breakup between him and his girlfriend. He didn’t like thinking that Knockout had that much power over his relationships, but it was clear she haunted every act of intimacy he had. Now, it was starting to affect how he acted in the field, too. He had been distracted, thinking it over.
Now Robin’s voice drilled into his head everything he’d done wrong. But it doesn’t sound all scolding anymore. The hint of concern has Conner toning down his flinch.
Every time Robin brought him out of his thoughts to remind him he was in the field, he would get irritated and snap at him. He did that thing he always does right before he has a panic attack. He couldn’t think properly, couldn’t control what came out of his mouth, couldn’t even remember what came out of his mouth. He knows whatever he said, though, made Robin do that controlled breathing thing before he stormed off.
It wasn’t rape, was it? It couldn't've been. He wanted it. At least… He thinks he did? His memory only unfogs whenever he has a panic attack now. He was told a long time ago that what Tana did was not okay. He’s accepted that by now. He knows that. But Knockout? That’s something he can’t even comprehend, or—try to comprehend.
It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over with. You’re okay. That’s what he tells himself. Over and over and over again.
It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over with. You’re okay. This time it doesn’t help, no matter how much he repeats it to himself.
It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over with. You’re okay. Again. The reassurance doesn’t fix things. It doesn’t fix what happened.
It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over with. You’re okay. One more time. He doesn’t feel real.
It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over with. You’re okay. He doesn’t feel safe.
It doesn’t matter,
“Kon?” His breathing quickens against his will.
It’s over with.
He’s sprinting to his room, desperate to escape the team, the thoughts, the hurt, Robin, anything.
You’re okay.
He doesn’t fucking feel okay. His chest is tight and his inhales come in rasps. His airway is blocked and his eyes sting, sting, sting. His heart hurts with how hard and loud it’s pounding against his chest. He feels like he’s dying.
The images come forward against his will, and now all he can see is Knockout, Knockout, Knockout. The cave, the hurt, the tears that fell down his cheeks in a similar way they are now. All he can hear is her cruel words sounding in his ears. All he can feel is—
A knock on the door snaps him partially out of it, but not fully. He fumbles with his superhearing to see who it is but everything is already so loud he can’t—
The knock. Again. His words won’t work, but it doesn’t matter. Whoever was knocking comes in. Kon looks up. It’s… Robin? He’s pretty sure. The tears in his eyes make everything blurry but he recognizes the colors. He tries to talk, but the hiccups and hyperventilating make everything he says sound jumbled.
“I–hic I didn’t mean–hic–it. I… She– I can’t–” He stops trying to explain anything. Nothing makes sense. He looks up at Robin with bleary eyes. Robin just sits beside him and brings him into his arms carefully, not hesitating in any way shape or form. The lack of nervousness soothes Kon, if only a little bit.
Conner slumps into him with noise that's almost a whimper.
“Shhh. Can you take a few breaths for me?” His voice is soothing and the vibrations of him talking spread throughout his body. He tries to breathe, fails, and more tears fall.
Robin grabs Kon’s head gently and just… Lets him rest there, he guesses. Kon can feel his thumbs swipe under his eyes to rid the tears, and can hear him whisper assurances that he’s okay and safe. Gentle whispers against his ear that Robin has him, that nothing will hurt him as long as he’s here.
Kon realizes he’s babbling out words again against his will. He cradles him in his arms oh so gently and compared to the roughness of Knockout it’s… It’s so much. It’s everything, in that moment. Robin holds him like he’s delicate, like he doesn’t have superstrength, like he’s not invulnerable. He holds him like he needs protecting. Like–Like he’s worth protecting. He was never worth protecting with Knockout.
Conner grabs his shirt and brings him in impossibly close and just sobs. Robin cups the back of his head with his hand and his fingers navigate through his hair, combing it out with such precision that's just so Robin he lets out a laugh-cry.
Robin’s hand glides through his hair, playing with it tenderly. His other hand moves to rub circles into his back as Kon hiccups and cries and becomes a mushy mess.
A few minutes—or maybe a few hours, he can’t be sure—pass and he starts to calm down. The coldness of Robin’s suit mashing with the warmth of his body against Kon’s skin grounds him. His breathing syncs with Robin’s and everything seems more in place.
The puzzle pieces click as the situation comes back to reality. He’s in Robin’s arms. He’s safe. Robin isn’t Knockout and everything’s fine. His heart stutters in an attempt to beat normally again.
Kon pulls back a bit, reluctant to leave that safe feeling, but the embarrassment of having a panic attack in his teammates arms outweighs the need for comfort. Especially a teammate he regularly argues with. I mean sure, they haven’t argued in a bit since the sparring thing but… Still. It’s the principle of the matter.
Robin doesn’t pull away. One hand still massages at his back in a mindmelting rhythm that leaves Kon’s brain out of order. The other hand pressed two fingers to meet Kon’s jaw and lift his face so that they could make direct eye contact. His eyes are met with the lenses of Robin’s mask, still somehow managing to look worried even without the view of his eyes. His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kon shakes his head. Robin hums consideringly. “Do you want to spar about it?” Kon hesitates. Robin rubs a little bit harder to encourage him to speak. The gesture still wasn’t rough, though. It remained tender. Kon nods, and when Robin smiles at him he thinks he's going to start crying again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here’s the thing. Tim knew Kon was having an off week. Anybody could tell. He was distracted constantly. He was angry, short tempered, and downright impatient.
He also knew that Superman had a part in it. He had dutifully put that part into the ‘things nobody really wants me to know about but I know anyways so I probably shouldn’t bring it up’ box part of his mind. But now? He wanted to fucking stab Kal so many times until it was driven into his thick head that this boy needs him.
So as Tim held a sobbing, invulnerable alien in his arms he started a new brain box; ‘The parts making Kon upset this week.’ And it contained the following—
- Himself, obviously.
Tim knew that the outburst he had earlier wasn’t the greatest way to approach the topic of Kon’s attitude this past week. But the comment that Kon made about him only being on the team because Batman forced them to take him hit a little too close to home. He became avoidant of addressing either problems separately, instead conjoining them and, therefore, creating the irritation spark.
- Superman.
Tim had seen them interact before. At the best of times, Kal brushed him off and avoided Kon whenever possible. At the worst of times… Well. To put it shortly they didn’t get along spectacularly, that was clear.
- Unknown.
There was clearly a third party that Tim didn’t know about causing Kon’s stress. The interactions between himself, the team, and Kon—subtracting the most recent one—weren’t negative in any way.
The interactions between him and Superman, or at least the ones he had seen, weren’t positive but they were very brief. A snarky comment or two, but definitely not enough to put Kon off for an entire week.
As he contemplates his new box of thoughts the boy in his arm lets out another heartwrenching sob mixed with hyperventilating. So, he stuffs that box away and decides that comforting Conner is for sure way more important.
Tim doesn’t remember exactly when he reached the conclusion that he’d burn down the world for Conner, but it’s somewhere in line with the events of the day.
He had never seen Kon that vulnerable, and quite frankly? He never expected to. It shook him to the deepest depths of his atoms to see Kon cry, and he never wanted to see it happen again. But, since God apparently hates his very being, it happened twice in the same day, both times being partially his fault.
~
When Kon had agreed to a sparring session to ease the pains of whatever was going on, Tim decided to voice the option of going to the batcave instead of the training room at the tower. It would be more private, and there would be less of a chance of someone walking in and seeing Kon so… Distressed.
Tim inevitably won the match and Kon was sent sprawling across the floor, chest heaving and sweat pouring from every part of his body. Tim had offered up his hand to pull Kon up. Kon took it, but instead of letting him drag him upwards he forced him down onto the ground with him, rolling around and tussling. It was less of a sparring match now and more wrestling, both boys trying to get the other in a pin.
Kon had the advantage of superstrength, but Tim was nimble and slippery, easily evading every attempt to get on top of him.
It seemed to be working, the tightness in Kon’s shoulders left him and he laughed easier. The whole thing was going well!
Until.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kon doesn’t know what triggered it this time.
Okay, that’s a lie, he knows the coalesced problems bunched together caused it, but he can’t pinpoint the exact moment where reality started cascading down in front of his eyes again.
Being in a cave had already set him on edge. He didn’t know why until Robin was on top of him, and the memories started to unfog again.
Being in the cave with Knockout on top of him, the echoing sounds of pain and begging, the words ‘pup’ and ‘kid’ ringing in his ears. The names in this context made him want to hurl. Instead, he stopped whining because that’s what she wanted, and she always got what she wanted. There was no point in trying to stop her, knowing it’d only lead to more problems in the future.
Still, whenever it was all finished Superboy couldn’t get rid of the lingering feeling of filth. He scrubbed himself off harshly in the shower that night, trying desperately to not feel so used and dirty. The severity of his attempts to get the putridity out of his body managed to leave his invulnerable skin raw and bright red with purple splotches blooming across his arms and legs. It didn’t work. Nothing worked.
He didn’t cry, because that annoyed the hell out of Roxy, Tana, and Knockout. Men weren’t supposed to cry, so he didn’t. But the nagging ache made it so hard not to hopelessly wail.
The memories flooded his brain til’ he felt tears prickling at his eyes again. Reality came crashing down in front of him and he was powerless to stop it. His feet came up to push Robin off of him. He flailed erratically, babbling nonsense over and over again.
Tears streamed down his face uncontrollably as ever emotion and memory made him shiver violently. Robin backed up, clutching his chest where Kon had managed to kick him. He was too worked up to feel any sort of guilt about it.
Robin stood up slowly. He approached him cooing softly with his arms out like he was talking to a scared animal. Maybe that was all Kon was right now; a scared animal. He certainly felt like it as he sat up and crawled backwards shaking his head no over and over again.
Robin took a deep breath and approached even slower.
“Not right now I can’t—I don’t want to— Please just—please. KNOCKOUT!”
Robin froze. Kon froze as well.
His eyes traveled slowly, snail-like, up from Robin's feet to his face. He looked like someone dumped an ice bucket over his head. The pure unfiltered horror and heartbreak and fury made Kon’s stomach drop even farther. It partially shocked him out of his meltdown to see Robin’s emotions so open and displayed, even if it was for not even half a second.
Robin shakily inhaled before plopping down onto the floor and beckoning Kon forward. He waited patiently for him to crawl forward back into his arms, and when he did Robin tightened his hold and buried his face into Kon’s hair. He held him so tight in his arms that the taller boy’s face was smushed into his chest.
“Kon… God. I-I’m sorry. I had no idea—I’m so sorry.” Robin nearly choked on his own words, determined to get them out no matter how much it made his throat burn to say them.
Kon didn’t respond verbally, but he squeezed him tighter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It didn’t take a detective to piece together what happened, Tim’s investigative skills never even needing use. The truth still hit him like a punch to the gut. Or a kick to the gut. He’s pretty sure Kon bruised a few of his ribs.
Regardless, it was time to look into some of Kon’s past relationships and pay a few of them a visit.