Chapter Text
They get petrified again, this time on purpose.
Being petrified meant that Senku had a lot of time to count seconds and formulate the next part of his plan. Building a rocket would require many different kinds of hard-to-find materials all over the world and a lot of trial and error. There was much to be done, but being stuck in the stone there was only so much he could do.
In addition to the meticulous planning, Senku had time to examine his feelings, maybe for the first time. Gen had struck a chord with him when he had asked him to think about what he wants.
He hadn't really thought he would need to consider it. He had been under the assumption he knew himself pretty well. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like that was not necessarily true in all aspects of his life.
He was usually the type to go after what he wanted when the idea crossed his mind. That did not work if he wasn't sure about what he wanted.
There were many things that were easy to categorize:
- He wanted to be able to eat ramen.
- He wanted to spend time with the people he cared about.
- He wanted to go to space.
- He wanted to advance science.
- He wanted to save everyone from petrification.
Simple things.
There were also some things he knew he didn't want:
- He didn't want to deal with interpersonal conflicts; they were inconvenient.
- He didn't want power. It was boring.
- He didn’t particularly want to die.
- He didn't want to stay stagnant.
But relationships. He didn't know what he thought. In general, the concept didn't really interest him that much. In many cases the idea felt uncomfortable.
Being with Luna had been uncomfortable, but he acknowledged that their brief relationship hadn't been exactly standard. He had not understood what he had agreed to at the time. His marriage to Ruri didn’t count as a relationship either because it was just about village politics.
How did relationships usually work?
Senku knew couples tended to spend time with each other. Some couples lived together. To his understanding many shared physical contact in forms of hugs and kisses and sex. Sometimes couples displayed affection in public.
Most of those things didn't sound too appealing until he replaced the idea of a relationship by the idea of a relationship with Gen.
With Gen the equation dramatically changed.
Senku enjoyed spending time with Gen. Spending time with Gen wasn't a burden like it had been with Luna.
Gen was creative.
Gen was funny.
Gen often had good ideas.
Gen respected his boundaries.
Senku had already lived with Gen for several months and it had worked well.
Senku wouldn't mind doing it again.
And not just on a ship with others.
Just the two of them, that would be better.
Senku didn't mind being physically close to Gen even when he didn't want to be as close with others.
Gen's hugs felt comforting instead of disturbing.
Gen's presence could be both soothing and stimulating depending on what the situation needed.
Senku had enjoyed other forms of physical intimacy with Gen too.
Kissing Gen was sometimes overwhelming but generally nice.
Gen was pleasing to look at. Objectively speaking.
Senku liked watching Gen feel good.
He liked to make Gen feel good.
Senku also liked to see Gen smile.
Gen was cute when he got excited about small things such as cola.
Hmm. So far it seemed that starting a relationship with Gen would make a lot of sense. Gen liked him and Senku liked Gen well enough too. They had a mutual understanding of each other. Senku couldn’t really think of a reason why he wouldn’t be okay with getting together with Gen. It felt a bit too simple even.
There must be a reason why Gen wanted him to think about this more carefully. Senku knew he had a tendency to look at these kinds of things mostly from a surface level.
Gen had said that he would need a proper relationship for his mental wellbeing. Senku had already hurt Gen before by being thoughtless. He didn’t want to do it again.
With proper relationships came commitment. That would probably not be a problem. Senku was already committed to his friends, Gen included. When it came to relationships he would not be interested in anybody else. If he and Gen started a relationship, he would want it to last too.
With proper relationships also came feelings. That was more difficult. Senku wasn't sure what he would be expected of. Understanding his own feelings was not easy either.
He wished Gen could help him sort out his thoughts.
Gen was so good at that.
Obviously it would not be possible while being petrified. Also, he should probably try to figure this out on his own.
It wasn't Gen's responsibility to make sense of Senku's feelings even though it was a bit difficult for Senku.
Senku knew he cared about Gen a lot.
Gen was important.
Gen was his partner in crime.
Senku missed Gen when they were apart.
Senku missed Gen now.
It was not that typical of Senku to miss people much.
He missed Byakuya, but that was different.
He had missed Taiju and Yuzuriha when they had to stay with Tsukasa's Kingdom of Might, but he missed Gen more now.
What made Gen different in that aspect?
Why did Senku miss Gen more than his other friends?
Senku tried to go through the possible explanations in his head but nothing stood out until he caught a small whisper of a thought: Was Senku in love with Gen or something?
Huh.
Senku knew he loved his friends. That was not new. But now that examined that love more deeply, he could see that maybe his love for Gen had a bit of a different undercurrent to it when compared to others.
The thought of possibly having something akin to romantic feelings for Gen was daunting. He wasn't the kind of person who liked romantic gestures or mushy feelings. He was kind of afraid people would expect him to change himself if others heard about him having these kinds of feelings.
At the same time the thought was less scary than it could have been. Gen was understanding and respectful of his limits. He would understand this too.
Having feelings also would explained some things. Like the fact that before the most recent petrification Senku would spend an unexplainable amount of time just staring at Gen and wondering what he was thinking. It would explain why Senku found himself gravitating towards Gen without really meaning to do so. It would explain why spending time with Gen had started to feel like he was at home.
Senku didn't know what to think about his new self-discoveries. He would need to visit them again later on when he got more data to support his hypothesis.
–
After Suika revived them from stone, Gen and Senku stayed as friends. Senku didn’t bring up the conversation about relationships and neither did Gen.
At first Senku was about to tell Gen about his feelings but then he started to think about their situation a bit more carefully.
Senku had to go to space. He had to deal with Why-man. The journey there would be unpredictable. When he ran the calculations, it was actually less likely for him to come back alive than the other alternatives.
It probably wouldn’t be fair to tell Gen about his feelings and then fuck off to space if it was likely he would never come back. They didn't even plan a return ship at first, because the whole operation was so risky.
Senku was sort of proud of himself for considering Gen's feelings. It didn't come to him naturally, so figuring out this much on his own could be considered character development.
Throughout the years Gen stayed at his side without the promise of anything. Senku wanted him more every day.
Without meaning to, Senku started to fantasize about coming back to a home where Gen would be waiting for him. About small intimate moments, gentle and reassuring touches here and there. About holding hands with Gen. The last part he was almost embarrassed by. Almost.
They managed to gain all the materials and build a rocket in six years. The test flies were promising. In the end they managed to figure out a way to build a return ship too. They had everything set up. Senku was excited to go but also afraid about what was ahead.
Before leaving Senku kept on thinking about Gen. Senku wished he would be able to kiss Gen goodbye but he couldn’t. Even a hug would have been nice, but during the few days leading up to the rocket launch Gen had become more distant. Gen was probably worried and dealt with the stress in his own way. It didn’t stop Senku from feeling disappointed though.
In the end Senku did not get to say goodbye to Gen at all. For his own sake Senku told himself that it was fine.
–-
To everyone's surprise the space journey worked out. They managed to make it to space and then to the moon. They survived the Why-man. They even made it back to earth in one piece.
For all Gen has complained about him being unlucky, Senku felt like he won the lottery a billion times over; the threat was neutralized, he came back and nobody died.
Coming back from space felt relieving for many reasons. Senku could see Gen again, and others too. He would get to go home. He didn’t need to stress about survival anymore. In addition to relief there was excitement about the future.
At the “welcome back from space” -party Senku looked out for the bicoloured hair and purple. It took longer than he anticipated but eventually he found Gen. Gen looked eye-catching as always and it was so good to see him. When he made his way to Gen, Gen seemed to be surprised but he was soon smiling his usual smile.
It was nice to be back home.
Instead of the hug Senku was expecting, Gen took one of Senku's hands into his own and squeezed.
"The fresh out of space -look suits you Senku-chan! Was it what you hoped it would be like?"
"Yeah. The stars were much more visible from there than from earth. You would have been able to appreciate the beauty of it. And there would be so much more to explore too." Senku explained a little wistfully.
"Already planning for your next trip then?" Gen inquired playfully.
"It never hurts to be prepared, but now the priority is building a time machine. How have you been doing?"
“Time machine? You keep getting more and more wild with your science projects.” Gen laughed. "I've been here and there, all around really, as a good diplomat should… Making sure everyone gets along. I've been trying to make sure we've got the right people in charge in different cities. Mostly things are going well.”
Gen really had been productive while Senku was away.
“- And!” Gen continued, “I've also been thinking about getting back into show business. Not as a full-time job of course, I've still gotta take care of the diplomacy. But a little side hustle. I've got most of the things I need already and Tsukasa promised to be the first guest on my show when I have time to make it.”
“Sounds like a thing you would enjoy. I'm glad.” Senku said smiling. “Are you going to stay in Japan more then?”
“For now. I've got a lot of things to take care of here. For example…”
Gen knew how to lead a conversation in a way that was comfortable and easy. Senku had missed this.
Unfortunately it seemed that in the newly modern world Gen was busier than ever and needed to excuse himself soon. Too soon.
Senku was left on his own wishing for a better time to catch up.
There never seemed to be a better time to catch up.
Senku felt lonely in a way he hadn't felt even in space. He would still see almost everyone else but Gen was never around.
They had messaged one another and made plans but the plans got cancelled last minute.
Senku was a bit old fashioned. He knew Gen was still staying in Japan. Once he got Gen's apartment's address from Ukyo, he didn't think twice about parking himself in front of the front door with his papers.
Gen came home two hours later.
"Senku-chan! What are you doing here? You should have messaged me so I would have hurried home."
Senku tsked, "I wanted to see you and I thought this was the easiest method. You haven't been easy to get a hold of. And I didn't have anything today that I couldn't do with just my notes. The location where I work doesn't really make a difference to me anyway."
While talking Senku backed his bag. Then Gen helped him up.
"Well since you're here, would you like to come in?"
Senku nodded and they made their way to Gen's apartment. It was what Senku had pictured: small, mostly tidy and full of trinkets. Some of the trinkets were familiar, some of them completely new.
"What would you like?" Gen obviously meant a drink, but Senku didn't want one.
"A hug. You didn't give me one at the welcome back -party."
"Oh Senku-chan, come here."
Senku leaned his head on Gen's shoulder and slowly breathed in Gen's scent as Gen wrapped his hands around Senku. It felt homey.
"Was this the reason you came here?"
Senku nodded and they stayed silent for a minute as they hugged.
This is what Senku had been looking for. Ever since he was in space, hell even before the petrification in South America even though he didn't understand it so well at the time. This warm feeling of comfort in the arms of the person he trusted the most.
Gen eventually broke the silence. "I had thought we grew past needing each other already. You've got your time machine project now and I've got my responsibilities. Why are you really here? You don't need me, Senku."
"You are my friend."
“We have been friends for quite a while, yes, but I am not your only friend. You don't really need me for that role so much any more. You have Taiju and Yuzuriha. You have Chrome and Kaseki who can help you along with totally new inventions. You have projects with Ryuusui. Medusa is helping you and Xeno with the time machine project.”
Where was this coming from?
"What are you implying? Are you saying you don’t want to be friends anymore?” Senku asked. Then it hit him: “Is that why you've been avoiding me again?"
"That's not what I'm saying. You just have better things to do now than spend so much of your time with a mere mentalist. Like your science. And I have better things to do too. I know we had our fun together and I wanted to support you more until we could deal with Why-man. But that’s done now, we should turn a new page."
"I thought you were giving me time to decide what I want", Senku said quietly.
“You’re referring to the relationship thing? Darling Senku, we discussed that 13 years ago, six if you don't count being petrified. Way before you went to space. I could draw my conclusions based on the silence on your end.”
Fuck. Senku had thought he was being considerate but he had failed again.
“So I am late?”
It had not crossed Senku’s mind that Gen's life would move on without him.
“Sure, let's go with that. And we have already had some time apart, so this is a natural part to end things properly.”
At that the tears in Senku's eyes started falling down.
“Oh Senku, it is always sad when an era ends, but I think this is best for us.”
Gen calms Senku down and they talk about something else for 38 minutes and 42 seconds. Later on Senku doesn't remember what it was. He had been more focused on counting seconds. Then Senku goes home.
–
Six months after Senku visited Gen pass quickly. Gen's been abroad for most of the time and has been spending a lot of his free time getting to know new people.
It felt fresh even though the new people were never quite as interesting or fun as Senku and the others but that was fine. They didn't need to be the same. Life was all about change anyway.
Get-together with the original Kingdom of Science crew came at a good time. Gen was finally back in Japan for a while. Gen found the new bar easily and based on the noise around, a good portion of the group had already found its way there.
There was a big table they were gathered upon and there was a convenient spot next to Ukyo free. Gen took it without hesitation. It had a perk of being on the opposite side to Senku's seat, so he had a good view of the man as well.
Ukyo was easy to talk to and they had already met up a few days prior, so Gen was quite up to date with most important recent events.
What he hadn't heard about, was why Senku looked half dead on his seat. Gen tried to motion to Ukyo his confusion about Senku's state. Ukyo just shrugged his shoulders.
Well, that was not good. He would need to ask about it from somebody else or corner Senku himself at some point.
The night went on and people were starting to be drunk or at least tipsy. Senku had barely said a word and had just listened to others speak.
It somehow irked Gen more and more. This was not the Senku he knew. Something was wrong.
When Senku took a break and headed towards the restroom, Gen was quick to follow him. Once they were alone, Gen took a hold of Senku from the lapels of his jacket and pushed him towards the sink. Gen might be a little more tipsy than he originally thought. He would need to calibrate.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Gen demanded. "You are never this quiet. And you look like you aren't eating or sleeping properly. Don't you have Taiju and Yuzuriha checking on you regularly?"
"They are trying their best for sure. Not that it should be any of your concern."
"Don't be like that, tell me what's wrong."
"I'm in the middle of a project. It's a bit more complicated than what I previously thought."
"That's bullshit."
"Well what do you want me to tell you? I've been a bit down after the love of my life dumped me half a year ago because I'm too busy with my science projects and too slow at figuring out my feelings. So I've been keeping myself busy spending most of my time with research."
What?
"That's not what happened!"
"How would you describe it then?"
"We broke off a long dragging situationship with mutual understanding because it had come to a natural end."
Senku shook his head. “I came to ask you to have a proper relationship with me. Maybe for you to move in with me. But that didn't seem appropriate anymore after you kept telling me you wanted to move on.”
“You never said you loved me! Or that you wanted me in your life as something more than a friend. I thought you would be happier without the extra burden of having to turn me down after so long.”
"Let's not do this here. Life's already overwhelming enough." Senku looked genuinely uncomfortable in a way Gen had never seen him before.
"You're right." Gen said and grabbed Senku's hand. "This is not the right place for it. We are moving to my apartment to have this talk."
Senku tried to protest but Gen was already moving them out of the restroom. He dragged them both to the table to say a swift goodbye and announced that they would be leaving without waiting for a reply from the table.
They took a taxi - because they now had taxies - to Gen's apartment. Senku stared blankly at his hands while Gen looked outside.
The silence was awkward but the drive was luckily short. Gen quickly paid the driver and then got Senku out of the car and into his apartment.
Gen took Senku with him to the sofa. Gen sat down first and then dragged Senku along. Senku followed like a puppet whose strings had been cut and fell into Gen's lap with knees on both sides of Gen. Senku's head fell onto Gen's shoulder and Gen could feel it getting wet.
Senku was crying, again.
In retrospect Gen should have figured something out six months ago. Senku was not really the type to cry easily. Gen could not recall another time, besides these two, when he had seen Senku cry. Maybe once before at Byakuya's grave.
Gen had been too focused on his own feelings to process Senku's and now he apparently had to witness the heartbreak he had unknowingly caused. Gen felt like an idiot.
“I'm sorry Senku.” Gen whispered and gently stroked Senku's back with his fingers. “I see now that I - uh - misread the situation six months ago. I was mentally in a bad place and I shut you out without listening. That was not my intention.”
Senku was breathing in an uneven way due to crying but he seemed to be listening.
“I-”, Gen held a small break to gather his courage and then continued. “I still love you.”
He could feel Senku draw in a shocked breath.
Gen continued, “I only pushed you away because I thought we were already done after so long without a word from you.”
There was a bit of silence before Senku moved back to look at Gen and spoke up silently. “What does that mean for us? Can we be friends again? Or something else?”
“Can you tell me what you want?” Gen smiled softly.
“You.”
Gen raised an eyebrow and urged Senku to continue.
Senku continued. “I want to spend time with you. I want to talk to you. I would like to try living with you.” Senku then blushed lightly. “I wouldn't mind the kind of intimacy we had before. I want to give and receive physical affection when I am not otherwise overwhelmed. I wouldn't care about other people knowing about us. I wouldn't want to try this with anyone else.”
Gen caressed Senku's cheek and Senku just closed his eyes and relaxed into the touch.
“I think I could deal with that.” Gen answered.
Senku relaxed at Gen’s answer even more. Then he spoke up again. “I'm sorry too. For making you wait so long. In retrospect that was a dick move. But I was afraid the space mission would not go as planned and I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily.”
“Oh you dummy”, Gen smiled, “I was terrified for you regardless. Showing a healthy amount of fear would have made me less worried at that point. You know you have this tendency to be quite reckless.”
“I make perfectly valid risk calculations before jumping into danger. That's not exactly reckless."
“Well, your sense of understanding danger might be broken", Gen joked.
“I might have really believed I was not going to come back to earth at all”, Senku admitted. “It felt unfair at the time to ask for you to be with me for my comfort.”
Gen winced at the admission. “Well, I didn’t know that but I can say it wouldn't have been just your comfort. And by not telling me you ended up hurting me regardless.”
“Why do feelings need to be so difficult?” Senku lamented.
“The fuck if I know. I'm supposed to be a mentalist and figuring out what other people are thinking has been my day job. Still I managed to completely miss your intentions and then didn't even give you space to voice out your thoughts. Makes me feel quite stupid.”
“I don't think mindreading has ever been an exact science…” Senku mused.
They both laugh out loud at the thought.
There was a short silence as they both processed what they had just said.
Gen broke the silence first. “I had managed to convince myself that you didn't want me.” Gen couldn't help it but his voice broke off at the end a little.
Senku took Gen's hand in his. “Gen, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. It is almost scary how much I feel for you. You make me feel safe and understood. When I am with you I feel like I can breathe easier, like I’m at home. When you’re not there I miss you. I’ve missed you terribly during this year…”
It was Gen's turn to start crying.
Senku carefully kissed him through the tears. Gen quickly kissed him back. They were a mess of spit and tears but neither of them cared.
Gen tried to slide a tongue in Senku's mouth but Senku pulled back and brought his forehead to Gen's. “Too much, I feel like my brain is already fried enough from crying.”
“That's okay. Thank you for telling me. - From now on, we need to try to communicate better with words.”
“Yes.” Senku moved his head back to Gen's shoulder.
“I'm sure we'll be able to figure it out though.”
“Hmm mm. I feel tired.”
“You look like you haven't slept in weeks.”
Senku let out a snort, “Not too far from the truth.”
“What do you want to do? Shall I arrange a ride for you to get home?”
“No.” Then Senku mumbled something else into Gen's shirt but Gen couldn't understand it.
“What did you say?”
Senku lifted his head up again with a sleepy look. “No. Home is here with you." Silently he asked, "Can you hug me some more?”
“Oh Senku darling, can we at least move to bed?”
Senku grumbled but slowly got up from on top of Gen. Senku didn't look like he could support his own weight for much longer so Gen moved to hold him up and moved them to his bedroom.
Senku quickly collapsed to the bed but kept a grumpy look on his face until Gen lowered himself onto the bed as well.
Senku's eyes fluttered shut and he burrowed close to Gen's chest. It didn't take more than a few minutes until Senku's breath evened out and then he was asleep.
Gen gently petted Senku's hair as he slept.
Who ever thought Senku wasn't a deeply sentimental man was dead wrong.
Gen's mind was still reeling from the knowledge that Senku actually wanted him. Senku wanted him like he had wanted Senku for so long.
Nothing was ever guaranteed to work out but despite their difficulties up until this point Senku and Gen worked well together.
They would be fine. If they managed to have this conversation today, they would be able to have the next ones as well. But it was scary. It was scary to think that he might get what he wants.
They would need to have a long talk tomorrow. But tomorrow could wait. Gen now had a Senku shaped being snoring next to him. Gen couldn't help but caress Senku's sleeping face.
Senku looked so much more peaceful now that he was asleep. This whole thing must have been quite intense for him. Gen would take care of him now that he was here again.
"I love you", Gen whispered. "Sleep well darling."