Chapter Text
Early the next morning, Ben sat at the breakfast table, already dressed and freshly showered.
That Kenji still had to help him with these things was no longer hard to accept anymore. It wasn’t really the dependence or even having to undress in front of him (Kenji always made sure Ben had enough privacy). What bothered him most was the quiet conflict inside his head.
I want to be like I used to be. I want to do this on my own.
Still, he tried to stay optimistic. He told himself that recovery would take time. That it would be tiring and slow—but that didn’t mean it would last forever.
In front of him on the table was a cup of tea that he hadn't touched yet. A few rays of sunshine lit up the kitchen. Ben barely noticed.
But when the front door creaked open, he was pulled out of his thoughts.
Yasmina had already been looking for him. “Morning,” she yawned.
It was obvious that she hadn't been awake long. To be fair, who would volunteer to be up at 7 a.m. unless they had an important doctor's appointment followed by physical therapy?
Which, unfortunately, was exactly the case for Benjamin.
“You should eat something,” Yasmina said as she poured herself coffee from Darius' filter machine.
From outside, Ben could hear Sammy and Kenji. A car door closed. Then another. Footsteps followed, and soon they were laughing – probably something nonsense.
“Kenji’s already loading the car,” Yasmina said.
After that, the older girl sat down while holding her mug with both hands. She chose the chair directly opposite her younger friend..
“And Ben,” she continued, her tone softening, “Brooklynn and I haven’t told anyone from Camp Fam. That’s your business.”
Ben nodded, his stomach tightening.
He knew what this was about.
Again, Yasmina lowered her voice. “You really need to tell your doctor today. About the other night, I mean.”
Ben stared into his tea as if the answer might be hiding there.
“Yeah,” he said. “I will.”
“I mean it,” the older girl said. “You tell him about the panic attack.” Then she reached across the table, squeezing his hand.
“I know,” Ben sighed. “I promised.”
Yasmina looked at him for a moment – clearly not fully convinced, but decided to not push further. “Okay. Good.”
Ben nodded again.
But inside, there were so many things he didn’t want to talk about.
The memories of white walls and endlessly beeping machines.
The dialysis sessions. The injections.
And worst of all, the loneliness—the kind that pressed down on him day after day in the hospital.
The thought of possibly having to go back there scared him.
The drive to the doctor's office was uneventful at first. Kenji had turned on the radio quietly and some new pop song was playing in the background.
There were fewer and fewer trees to be seen in the surrounding area.
Which only meant they were getting closer and closer to the city.
It usually took them thirty minutes to drive there from Darius's cabin. This little home wasn't particularly centrally located for emergencies, but it was perfect for recovering from the hustle and bustle of the city.
“So,” Kenji finally said, his eyes concentrated. “How's everything going?”
Ben shrugged. “I've been worse.”
“That's not what I mean,” the older boy answered, still focused on the street.
“How are things going with Gia?”
Her name hit Ben harder than expected.
“W-what do you mean?”
His throat felt dry and it annoyed him that he couldn't hide his nervousness.
“I,” Kenji paused. “I was just wondering. While having dinner the other day... It was kinda weird.”
“Oh. That,” Ben swallowed.
“Gia broke up with me.”
It took Keni a moment to process this information.
What?
Then he tried carefully. “I'm sorry, man,” the older of the two said - almost too quietly.
A moment of silence filled the inside of the car.
It was uncomfortable.
For both of them.
At first, Kenji hesitated. Then he took all his courage together. “Can I ask why?” he said.
“Well, I guess we're just too different,” the younger boy sighed. “It was all too extreme for her. Me, almost dying and stuff.”
Judging by the look on his face, Kenji was pretty shocked.
“What, but—”
"It's okay,” Ben answered, though he wasn’t sure if that's really true.
After a moment, he added, “I mean, yeah, it sucks. But I get it.”
“Yeah?” The older one risked a glance at him even when their eyes couldn’t meet.
Because Ben was already staring out of the window. His face was resting on his right hand, which he had placed against the car's door.
“She was scared. Really scared. She thought I wouldn’t make it.”
His fingers dig into the fabric of his pants. “She couldn’t handle it. For her, this was hell, too. Then Gia said,” and his grip tightened.
“She wasn’t sure if she'd ever be able to stop worrying so much, given how close we we’re.”
“That's... a lot,” Kenji said quietly.
“For sure. Especially because she is more of a thinker type. The one who researches. Well, and me? I'm a go-getter. I fight, you know?" Saying this, Ben finally looked over to his friend who was still driving.
“Hmm, yes, I understand,” the older boy nodded.
“But Ben,” Kenji smiled. “I really like that about you. I enjoy fighting alongside you. Front line, of course.”
Ben couldn’t help laughing a bit.
“Me too,” he added.
After that, they chatted casually—nothing serious. A comment about traffic. A joke about how getting up early should be banned.
And for the first time since long, Ben caught himself thinking how normal it all felt.
With Kenji, that worked.
“Man, why does this take so long?” Kenji was already pacing impatiently.
“We still have to go to your physical therapy session,” he added with a groan.
“Come on, Kenji,” Ben said calmly. “I'm sure it'll be my turn soon. And it probably won’t take that long.”
The older boy wasn't appeased, but at least he sat back down in the chair next to Ben.
The waiting room wasn’t empty. Other patients sat scattered around, each of them dealing with their own problems.
Some were obvious.
Some weren’t.
At least it wasn’t crowded, which meant Ben should be called in soon.
Kenji nudged his chair a little closer.
“Hey, we didn’t talk about this yet, but… do you want me to come in with you?”
Ben didn’t know how to respond. Normally, Ben wouldn’t have minded at all.
But now?
He had promised Yaz and Brooklynn to talk about the incident from the other night.
About the panic attack.
Wouldn't Kenji worry even more?
Still… it didn’t feel right to keep it from him.
The younger boy rubbed his knuckles nervously.
“You can come with me.”
Almost as if on cue, a medical assistant stepped into the room.
“Benjamin Pincus, next please.”
“All right,” Kenji grabbed Ben's wheelchair and pushed him toward the doctor's office, following the assistant inside.
“The doctor will be with you shortly.”
While they waited, Kenji started wandering around again.
Ben, meanwhile, felt his nerves getting worse by the second.
Maybe I should tell him now?
What if he gets mad again for not saying anything? For hiding it?
“Kenji,” he started. “There is something I need to tell you before I talk to the doctor.”
“Oh, okay.” The other boy turned around at once, his full attention on Ben.
“I—” Ben's cheeks flushed.
Before he could finish, the door opened.
A man in his early fifties walked in, wearing a white lab coat with a stethoscope hung around his neck. Also, a pair of glasses was tucked in his vest pocket. He looked energetic - almost cheerful.
“Benjamin, it's good to see you again,” he said warmly, greeting his patient with a gentle fist bump. Then he turned to Kenji. “We haven't met yet, have we?”
„Doctor Sam Fletcher.”
He introduced himself, shaking Kenji's hand.
„Kenji Kon. I am a friend of Ben’s.“
„I see,” Fletcher said with a smile. “One of the Nublar Six, right?“
Kenji wasn‘t really surprised.
Fame was something he’s gotten used to early on.
Not just because of what he and his friends had been through while Isla Nublar.
Also because of his last name.
He was just glad people didn‘t look at him that way anymore.
Like they were waiting for him to turn into his father.
But now he knew better.
He wasn‘t like him.
And he didn‘t want to live with those thoughts anymore.
“Good,” Fletcher said, already sitting down and flipping through a file.
Pretty sure, it was Ben's.
“How are you today, Benjamin?”
“Good. Better,” the youngest of them said.
“And how is your sleep?”
“Mostly through the night.”
“That’s good,“ the doctor said, adjusting his reading glasses. “All right. Please sit here and take off your shirt,” he pointed to the examination table.
With Kenji’s help, Ben found himself on the bench again. Slowly he pulled off his sweatshirt. Kenji assisted a bit, but to Ben’s surprise, it went better than expected.
“How much are you training so far?” Fletcher asked.
“We take a few steps every day,” this time Kenji replied. It wasn’t necessary, but he couldn’t help himself.
“And a little more each day,” Ben continued. “But I stop when it gets too tiring. Or when it hurts.”
“Good. Don‘t overdo it.“
Fletcher rolled closer in his chair. “I am going to remove the bandage now.”
He proceeded carefully and then examined the wound on Ben's abdomen.
A new, thin layer of new skin had formed. Still fragile, still healing – but much better.
“Good, I see we are making progress,” he noted something in the file. “Keep cleaning and bandaging once a day.”
Again he flipped a few pages. “You’re taking your medication regularly?
“Yes. Three pills, three times a day.” Ben replied.
“Right. Very good.”
While Doctor Fletcher disinfected the area again and wrapped a fresh bandage around Ben’s torso, he continued asking questions. "Any side effects?”
“I don’t think so.” Ben flinched. In some places the disinfectant had stung.
Fletcher raised one eyebrow while letting go of his patient. “You don’t think so?”
This was when not only his doctor, Kenji too, got curious.
“I-,” Ben rubbed his knuckles again. “I had something like a panic attack the other night.”
“Something like?” his doctor asked, grabbing the file again. He squeezed the back of a ballpoint pen.
“A friend of mine has experience with those,” Ben explained. “She had these several times and knows a lot about it.”
Yaz, Kenji thought.
“I told her how I felt. My heart was racing, I could barely breathe. And then I started hyperventilating and couldn’t stop crying.”
“Was there a trigger?” Fletcher was already writing something down. “Something that reminded you of the incident in Italy? A dinosaur perhaps, or something that resembled the thagomizer?”
“No,” Ben said, shaking his head. “It just… happened.”
“I see.” Again, he documented something in the file.
“Could it be related to the resuscitation?” Ben asked quietly.
When Kenji heard the words, a heavy stab pierced his stomach.
Why did I know nothing about all this?
“Those can be long-term effects, yes,” Fletcher replied. “But it is much more likely that the pills are to blame.”
He rolled over to a cabinet and took out a box of pills.
“I recommend switching them. Same dosage, different active ingredient.”
He handed them to Ben.
“If the side effects continue, come back immediately. Also," Fletcher said.
“Do you already have an appointment with the heart specialist? I can issue you a referral, if you need one again.”
“Tomorrow,” Kenji answered.
The doctor nodded approvingly. “I see, Benjamin is in good hands.”
“I am,” Ben said, smilingly weakly.
After that, Fletcher placed the stethoscope against the younger one's chest. „Deep breath in.“
At first the tiny piece of metal on his naked skin felt cold, but Ben did as he was told.
„And out. Slowly.“
After two repeats, Fletcher let go.
„Alright,” he said. “That’s it for today.“
Back in the car, the atmosphere felt strange.
Ben knew Kenji wasn’t happy, he had not told him about the panic attack.
Careful, the younger one opened a conversation.
“Kenji, are you mad?”
“No.” It blurred out of the older boy.
“Kenji, come on,” Ben whispered. “I know you are.”
“I mean, I am not allowed to,” Kenji muttered. “This isn’t about me. You’re the one who had to deal with a panic attack,” he looked down at his legs.
It’s just…,” Kenji didn't dare to lift his gaze.
“What?” Ben asked.
“I wish I was the one you’d come to. That you’d tell me when you’re scared or in pain. Most of the time, I only find out by accident. I guess I’ll never be as close to you as Yaz is.”
“No, it’s not like that,” Ben panicked. “Look, Brooklynn found me and-”
“Wait. Brooklynn knew too?”
“T-that’s not-” Ben stuttered.
“I see.” Kenji turned the key in the ignition. It was obvious he was disappointed.
“Kenji.”
Ben reached over and turned it back. The engine stopped.
His hand clamped tightly around Kenji's.
"That's not true." His gaze hardened.
Both were suddenly very close. Face to face.
"Brooklynn finding me was a coincidence,” Ben said. “She was the one who called Yaz.”
For Ben this was serious. He didn’t dare to look away.
“And most of the time, I want to tell you. And only you. Everything. Because-,”
His voice lowered and he hesitated saying the next few words, still holding Kenji's hand.
Kenji, on the other hand, froze.
"Because I really like you,” Ben said softly. “A lot. And if it were up to me, it would have been easiest if you had found me that night. Sure, Yaz knows best about panic attacks. But I feel safest with you, and-”
His cheeks turned red. At this point Ben had problems holding eye contact.
"It's just that-," When he said that, his gaze dropped, and slowly Ben lowered his grip.
"I'm just scared. That one day It’ll be too much for you. Like it was with Gia. And that you’ll leave me too."
His hand slipped down, grabbing Kenji's shirt. Ben clung to it rigidly. His eyes filled with tears.
"And I can't let that happen."
Kenji's expression softened instantly.
Guilty.
Worry.
"I won't leave you,” he said quietly, pulling Ben into a tight hug. “Never."
After a while, the older one pulled back.
"All right,” Kenji said, starting the engine again. “Ready for you physical therapy?"
"Let's get it over with," Ben rolled his eyes.
The physiotherapy clinic wasn’t far from the doctor’s office. In less than ten minutes, they reached the building.
Inside, the place was busy. Kenji slowly pushed Ben through the entrance area toward the reception desk, where an employee sat behind a computer, thankfully not too stressed.
“Hi,” Kenji said, stepping forward. “We have an appointment. Benjamin Pincus, 12:30.”
“Yes,” the receptionist replied after a quick glance at the screen. “I’ll let the physiotherapist know. Please take a seat in the waiting area.”
Kenji nodded, and once again, they found themselves waiting.
Now I get why Ben hates this so much, Kenji thought. All this waiting is exhausting.
This time, though, it didn’t take long.
A young man—maybe early thirties—entered the room and smiled at them.
“Benjamin Pincus?”
“Yes, that’s me,” Ben said.
“I’m Noah Moore,” the man introduced himself. “Come with me.”
He led them into a quieter room, away from the noise of the main hall.
Noah Moore sat down across from Ben and spoke directly to him, calm and focused. “I’ve read through your file. You already had some important sessions in the hospital—sitting upright, breathing exercises. That’s a good start.”
Ben nodded.
“We’ll continue with that today,” Noah Moore went on. “We’ll mainly focus on your upper body. Simple movements, light resistance. Nothing extreme.”
“How’s changing clothes and showering going?” Noah asked.
“It’s getting better,” Ben said. “Still tiring, but I try to do as much as I can on my own.”
“That’s exactly what I like to hear,” Moore said. “Small steps matter.”
He glanced at the notes again. “Any dizziness when standing up?”
“Less than before.”
“Good. That fits with what your doctor wrote. Today we’ll check balance and stability. No walking yet.”
Ben didn’t like that part—but he reminded himself to breathe.
Be patient. With yourself. With your body.
“The sessions will be demanding,” Noah Moore continued. “So you need to tell me if it gets too much. Pushing is good. Overdoing it isn’t.”
“I can do that,” Ben said.
“Ben,” Kenji added quietly, resting a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “You don’t have to prove anything, you know that, right?”
“I know,” Ben said softly.
After going over Ben’s medical history and hospital therapy in more detail, Noah Moore stood up.
“All right. Let’s head to the training hall.”
The hall was full of people—walking on treadmills, lifting small weights, practicing balance.
Ben suddenly felt painfully aware of how far he was from where he used to be.
Kenji noticed his expression.
“Hey,” he said quietly. “This isn’t forever.”
It wasn’t much, but it helped. And Ben found himself doing some breathing exercises.
Ben sat upright, hands resting on his thighs, inhaling slowly through his nose and exhaling through pursed lips. Noah Moore corrected him gently once or twice, then nodded in approval.
After that, his arms were next.
And the weights were ridiculous.
Noah handed him 0.5 kilograms per hand.
“Don’t rush. Slowly, ten repetitions.” Noah said.
Every time Ben lifted them, it got heavier and his arms started shaking. And every movement felt like his muscles were filled with sand.
Kenji watched closely, worry written all over his face.
“That’s normal,” Noah Moore said, noticing immediately. “Actually a good sign. Your muscles are responding.”
He checked the time. “Finish the ten reps. I’ll be right back.”
With that, Noah moved over to another patient, who clearly had problems with his exercise.
By that, Kenji pulled a chair closer and sat beside his younger friend.
“You can stop if it’s too much,” he said quietly, placing a careful hand on Ben’s shoulder.
“Almost,” Ben muttered.
By the tenth lift, his arms were burning, his breathing uneven—but he managed.
“I did it,” he said, exhausted but smiling.
Kenji smiled back. “You did. And that matters.”
“Your arms okay?” the older one asked quietly.
“I think so,” Ben replied. “They burn a lot.”
“Here,” Kenji said. “Let me help.”
Gently he took Ben’s left forearm. With his thumbs he slowly pressed circles into the sore muscle. The touch was warm, steady—far more comforting than Ben had expected.
All this tenderness made his chest ache. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this kind of closeness.
Especially with Kenji.
Ben was too busy watching what Kenji was doing.
Without noticing, their heads got closer.
And closer.
Then Ben looked up, and so did Kenji.
And suddenly their eyes met.
Kenji didn’t notice at first, but somehow he had stopped the massage.
Because now, he was too focused on Ben’s lips.
With flushed cheeks (not from embarrassment, more because of the warmth between him and Kenji), the younger boy dropped his gaze instinctively, too.
To Kenji's mouth.
Damn, I really wanna…
“Alright, I see you’ve finished.”
Out of sudden Moore stood next to them.
And the space between Ben and Kenji got bigger again.
“Next, we’ll try to balance.”
With that, the three changed to the parallel bars.
“No walking,” Moore said. “Just standing.” The therapist ordered.
Kenji locked the wheelchair in place before Ben even tried to get up.
He still was a bit confused because of what had happened earlier.
Were we about…to kiss?
But he couldn’t think this through.
Ben grabbed both railings and slowly tried to get on his feet.
Just as the exercise before, this was hellishly exhausting.
Every muscle protested.
But somehow, Ben found himself on two legs.
He needed a moment. His breathing was heavy.
“You’re feeling dizzy?” his therapist asked.
“A little.”
“Okay. Now I want you to stay like this. We’ll try thirty seconds.”
This couldn’t be too hard, right?
But again, Ben was wrong.
This.
Was.
Heavy.
After a few seconds, his vision swam and his legs trembled.
But before it got worse, Moore stepped in and helped him sit down again.
“That’s okay,” he said. “For now this was excellent. I did not expect that everything we do today would work out perfectly.”
His gaze drifted back to the other patient.
“Rest for a moment. I’ll be right back.”
With this, the boys were left alone.
Again.
But there was none of this awkward silence.
Instead, Kenji knelt down next to Ben.
“Hey, you did amazing,” he said gently. “This was really good.”
He knew Ben was disappointed and tried to comfort him a bit.
“We’ll try again. And again. Until you can do it.” Softly he placed his hand on Ben's, which he had laid in his lap.
This helped.
How does Kenji always know what to say?
Ben sighed but nodded.
“Ya.”
A few moments later, Ben found himself standing again.
This time, still heavy, but a bit easier than before.
“Can you try letting go?” his therapist asked. “Just for a moment.”
“I-, I can try,” Ben stuttered. Actually, he was pretty scared.
But at the same time, he really wanted to improve.
Slowly the youngest released the bars.
Holding his balance was okay at first.
But two seconds later, it wasn’t.
Before he could reach the railings, Kenji was there.
“Got you,” he said, holding Ben securely.
This reminded Ben when they all had arrived at Gia’s house firstly.
When Ben had slipped on the fresh ice.
It was Kenji, who was there.
Always to catch him.
“Thank you,” Ben replied, ready to sit down.
His heart raced as his older friend helped him back into his wheelchair.
Being nervous because of Kenji's touch...
Ben was already used to it.
But this time Kenji had him firmly in his grip and took the lead.
That’s hot.
Sure, Kenji had been a bit muscular even back at Isla Nublar.
But now? He was a fully grown man.
And incredibly attractive.
Becoming weak was new for Ben.
But most importantly, he was glad Kenji could react that fast.
“I think that’s enough for today,” Moore said. “This is a big step forward, Benjamin. Keep that in mind.”
Does he say that to every one of his patients? Ben wondered.
He wasn’t sure what to think about this guy anyway.
Since he left all the time and couldn’t react when Ben was falling…
“We'll see each other in two days,” Noah was about to say goodbye. ”Please make an appointment at the front.”
After that he left, shaking the hands of Ben and Kenji.
„He‘s weird,“ Ben muttered.
„Yeah,“ Kenji agreed. „But he is right.“
He crouched down again so they were eye to eye.
„You did your very best today. And I am proud of you.“
He bruised a strand of hair from Ben’s face. A smile on his lips.
Ben returned the compliment with flushed cheeks and a shy expression.
Neither of them wanted this kind of intimacy to end.
On the contrary, they enjoyed it.