Chapter Text
Dead Space Pirates
Lyf simp: so chat i ended up bouncing up that blonde beapole of a nervous wreck from the mag earlier today
Lyf simp: asked for its pronouns cus it's kinda cute u know
Lyf simp: in response it asked me if my arm had its own pronouns to which i immediately got flashbaned with a post from tumblr suggesting that Marius' fungus arm might its own personality and along with that its own gender
Lyf simp: I kind of just stood there in shock until it got too awkward and it finally told me it uses 'it/its'
Merlin*: all that and u never asked for its name?
Lyf simp: dw i got that too
Merlin*: soooo what's its name?
Lyf simp: it's Micheal :)
First Mate: hey chat so remember what ivy was yapping about yesterday?
What the Hell is that?: Oh Did The Wench Finally Decide To Tell You?
First Mate: yes :(
What the Hell is that?: I'm Sure The Evil Twink Didn't Like That Much!
First Mate: yh she mentioned something about not trusting eli*s
What the Hell is that?: It Brings Me Joy To Know That He Is Being Inconvenienced!
First Mate: wish i can share ya joy but i am currently have a whole ass crisis over what i just learnt
Lyf simp: so what did u learn
First Mate: a lot
Lyf simp: that explains nothing
Merlin*: i might have an idea but i dont want to say
First Mate: long story short i think i know what caused the doc's death & i dont think her death stuck
Lyf simp: ex fucking cuse me?????
Moon go brr: Jonny u cant say that then just disappear
Worksinanormalarchieve: well since Jonny's taking forever i'm going to change my name here
Merlin*: but y
Worksinanormalarchieve: too long :(
Merlin*: ah
Worksinanormalarchieve changed their name to Regular Archivist
Regular Archivist: ah much better
Lyf simp: that's nice and all BUT CAN WE PLS GET BACK TO WHAT JONNY JUST SAID
The only cop we respect: i leave for a few hours and apparently doc cam is back from the dead??????
Lyf simp: shhhh we dont know that as yet
Theonlymadscientist: WHAT
Freaky about ships: i just woke up WDYM THE DOC MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE
Moon go brr: there's no way her heart stopped beat we were all there we all saw it
What the Hell is that?: The Doc Being Alive? This Is The Worse Outcome Ever
Lyf simp: shush Niki we dont know all that yet
First Mate: [attachment: FEARANDDREADPOWERSEXPLAINEDPOORLYBYAPARAONOIDPIRATEWHOWASJUSTTOLDABOUTTHESETHINGS.docx]
First Mate: good lord that took forever to send
Moon go brr: jesus chirst
The only cop we respect: what the hell's all this
Freaky about ships: pls tell me this is just ur new horror project
Regular Archivist: no no this is real
Regular Archivist: this matches up a little too well with what I overheard the other day
Freaky about ships: maybe he took inspiration
Regular Archivist: Nastya there r things on this doc that i overheard but did not mention here
Freaky about ships: well u 2 live next to each other so maybe u told u him in person
Regular Archivist: denial can only get u so far
What the Hell is That?: I Bet This Was A Pain In The Buttom To Send!
First Mate: yh i even managed to accidentally send this to Carlos instead
Freaky about ships: how
First Mate: i was asking him for IT support
First Mate: he had a very interesting reaction to the contents of the doc tho
Merlin*: oh dear
First Mate: [sent image:
Carebear: omg jonny u have no idea what this means do u?
JD: i mean yh but how tf do u know?
Carebear: NO!
Carebear: I mean is going to be my next research paper
Carebear: the existence of these 'Fears' and 'Dread Powers' explain so much!!!!
JD: should i be scared of what ur going to do
Carebear: YES]
Moon go brr: y is ur cousin saved on ur phone as carebear?
First Mate: to annoy him
Merlin*: that's what ur concerned about?????
Merlin*: jonny's wholeass cousin is going to go down a rabbithole he may not be able to get up from
Regular Archivist: am i the only one concerned about the fact that he said 'this explains so much'
Regular Archivist: jonny i think ur cousin has a statement waiting 4 u to discover somewhere in that disorganized archives of urs
First Mate: Ik he has a statement I was there when that bs with the doors happened
Freaky about ships: i was there too
Regular Archivist: wut
First Mate: yh it was during holloween
First Mate: i think we were like 10 when this happened cus i dont remember Jordan being with us so it was obviously before we met him
Freaky about ships: yh we were
What the Hell is That?: Jonny, Old Chap', I Hate To Be The Bearer Of Bad News But Carlos Will End Up Dead If He Researches This Further.
First Mate: nah he'll be fine if the storys he tells me about where he lives is anything to go by
Merlin*: I agree with Nikki, that could end very badly for him
First Mate: fine i'll let him know 🙄
Merlin*: JONATHON MARIA SIMS YOU DID NOT PULL OUT THE EYE ROLL EMOJI ON ME
Moon go brr: umm jonny that's a full name run
Theonlymadscientist: i leave to have my freakout privately and i come back to Brian threatening jonny over him giving him sass
Lyf simp: i just realized I have to suffer thru all my remaining sessions with gerry now knowing this
Moon go brr: ig it's time for the truth to finally come out
Merlin*: JONNY GET BACK ONLINE
First Mate: I TOLD HIM I TOLD HIM CALM DOWN
Merlin*: good.
Freaky about ships: ooohh a full stop that's how u know it's serious
The only cop we respect: [sent attachment: section31explanation.docx]
The only cop we respect: woah jonny was right
The only cop we respect: docs containg anything about the Fears r a pain in the ass to send
First Mate: and forwarded to Carlos
Merlin*: JONNY
Regular Archivist: so everyone just has a random encounter with the supernatural that isn't the one we all shared together?
Merlin*: yes
What the Hell is That?: I Am The Supernatural Experience!
Theonlymadscientist: yes
Moon go brr: yh
Freaky about ships: yes
Lyf simp: unfortunately yes
First Mate: yes
The only cop we respect: yes
Regular Archivist: damn this supernatural shit is pretty common then (yes)
First Mate: just asked Greogie and she said yes as well
Freaky about ships: just dm'd Scuzz for the first time in months and she also said yes
Moon go brr: damn so this group is just cursed
First Mate: looks like it
Lyf simp: even family isnt safe from all this
First Mate: ikr we r truly a cursed group
Lyf simp: anyways i have a session with gerry in like 20 mins so i'm going to confront him with all this
First Mate: WHAT
First Mate: MARIUS GET UR ASS BACK HERE
Hottest bitches in the archives(no Jon allowed)
Cole: apparently jon fucking snitched on me to my therapist
Zane: he did what
Kai: an here i thought he couldnt get worse
Jay: what did he say
Cole: apparently thx to fucking jon my therapist now knows what the Fears and Dread powers
Kai: no way
Cole: yes way apparently
Jay: am i the only one concerned that jon found out who Ger's therapist is just to tell him about things that traumatized him in unimaginable ways in ways that a therapist cant help????
Kai: god i am going to fucking kill him for this
Zane: what if he did it cus he thought it would help?
Jay: sorry Martin but even if he did it with good intentions it was still a shitty thing to do
Kai: and a vilation of ger's privacy
Cole: thx for defending me guys but calm down
Kai: dude he found out who ur therapist was specfically to snitch on u
Cole: first of all my therapist was the one who told jon he was my therapist is apparent-fucking-ly they were best friends in college and told jon as soon as he realized he was my co worker
Kai: jon has friends and he's friends with ur therapist???
Cole: jon told my therapist and their other friends about the Fear and Dread powers because the hell statement that Sasha went crazy looking for was their statement
Jay: WHAT
Zane: HUH
Kai: u gotta be fucking kidding me
Cole: yh apparently my therapist is the one who gave that statement and it technically wasn't all his cus it was their entire friend group's combined statement
Cole: so it was actually like 10 ppl' statement all in 1
Jay: that explains so much about it now actually
Kai: WDYM PART OF THAT STATEMENT'S JON
Kai: THIS FUCKING MAN HAS JUST BE SITTING THERE ROLLING HIS EYES EVERY TIME WE BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT THAT THING AND HE WAS APART OF THE REASON WHY IT'S LIKE THAT!!!!!!????????
Kai: i'm going to fucking kill him for a completely different reason now.
Zane: does that mean jon has a secret tragic backstory we dont know about?
Jay: i mean i already knew he was an orphan so i figured that was the extent of it but now i'm curious
Kai: hes a what
Zane: HE'S A WHAT NOW
Cole: okay that actually explains so much about him
Kai: Sasha how to u know that?
Jay: i saw 2 dates on his desk calendar marked 'mom's death' and 'dads death'
Kai: ah
Cole: kinda feel bad for him since he was spam messaging my therapist like crazy trying to convince him not to comfort me about the Fears
Kai: at least he had the decency to prevent what he caused
Jay: now how do u know this?
Cole: therapist had his phone sitting on the table, occasionally i will see the screen light up with a new message
Jay: makes sense
Kai: i'm still going to kill him
Dead Space Pirates
First Mate: Marius u r dead fucking meat