Chapter Text
Travis walked down the road and held his arm, skipping over his loose shoe laces. ‘I shouldn’t have gone over there.’ He thought, clenching his teeth. ‘I shouldn’t have held his hand.’ He gripped his arm so tight it pulsed. “I shouldn’t have looked at him that way.” He whispered to himself, repulsed to his very heart. His mind felt heavy, racing with what he shouldn’t have done. ‘I have to be going crazy… to think like that homo.” Travis looked up at the setting sun, his eyes strained and tired looking took it in. If the sun was a part of the heavens he didn’t deserve to feel its sacred light.
He let go of his arm and walked up to his father’s church to open the front door.
“Father.” Travis said standing behind the closed of the church. “Where did you go off to, Travis?” His father questioned. Travis flinched and looked to the ground to avoid his fathers harsh expression, his throat tightening and his hands began to shake. “To study with a friend, Father.” Travis choked out before his father got angry at his lack of answer. “Who.” His father demanded coldly. Travis shivered at the question. Though impossible, it felt as if his father knew of what he did. Holding hands with a boy. Laying next to a boy. Having these feelings for a boy. “TRAVIS. Answer me boy.” His father erupted with a voice that echoed throughout the lord's temple. “Sal Fisher.”
Travis grit his teeth and looked up at his father, “That queer boy?” His father whispered in disbelief. “That sissy queer and his faggot friends are ending up in hell. Just like his mother.” His father growled. “What did I tell you about him Travis? What did I tell you?” His father stepped closer, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. “…” Travis fell backwards onto the floor, his arm shielding his face. “End up like him and you’ll be beyond saving. You hear me?” His father hissed with curling lips, his saliva splattering on Travis’s face. “Get up for god’s sake and man up. I didn’t raise you to be like that homo.” Travis stood up, his knees almost buckling from the nerves he felt. His heart raced and his eyes felt blurred. His breathing swift and deep. “Sorry father, I’m sorry.” Travis trembled, grabbing the cuff of his sleeve just hard enough to break a nail. His father looked down at him and huffed before turning to leave. Travis dropped down to his knees and curled down to the floor.
He gasped and shivered. His cries came out as strained coughs and whines. His head pounded, feeling as it was being ripped apart from the inside out. Travis, with a face covered in tears, looked up at a stained glass window of Virgin Mary. He felt his mind be tainted with his wrongs. And he resented himself for them all. One way or another, it was all his fault. Hell would claw at his feet waiting for his fated arrival. Swallowing him whole with only his sins left to haunt him. ‘What do I have to do to get rid of these evil feelings? I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to go to hell.’ His sleeves damp and hot from clearing his eyes of tears.
He stood up while wiping his tears, walking to his room. His breaths delayed and short. Travis closed the door behind him and slid down the back, his head pounding like mad. The cross necklace he wore began to warp from how much he held it to his chest. silence hummed through the air, “He…” Travis chocked, gripping the cross he wore until his knuckles turned white.
A thought plagued his mind, the thought of Sal holding him close to sooth his woes. But that thought felt evil, like a sin to think this way. “Why couldn't he be a girl.” Travis held his knees close to his chest, laying his head down. he looked at his wall thinking of Sal's posters. He thought of the masks that hung above his dresser.
He thought of the faint stars that glowed on his ceiling. Travis looked at the hand resting on his opposite arm, he thought of the nail polish Sal wore and the lingering smell it had. Clenching his hand, he thought of the fake eye Sal had. Then the real one, a soft blue that made Travis feel almost safe. The way his fingers slid through his hair when he combed through his hair after taking out his pigtails.
Thinking about Sal made Travis feel uneasy, but not horrible. “I have to be going crazy.” Travis whispered. He stood up to walk over to his bed and laid down. He hugged his pillow and thought of the way Sal's cover smelled. He couldn't get enough of that thought. As he fell asleep, he thought of his voice, soft and gentle. It cracked every other word but Travis didn't care about that. It was almost adorable to him.
Sal shot up from his bed, breathing heavily while holding his face with his hands. His eye peeked through the gaps in his fingers. Gizmo hopped to his lap and laid there licking his arm. “That same nightmare…” Sal groaned under his breath. He stood up to grab a cup of water, hoping it would cool him down. His hands shook slightly and his limbs felt weak.
Gizmo followed into the kitchen and rubbed his chin on his ankles. “Thank you, Gizmo.” Sal smiled, looking down at his ginger lion. “You've gotten so big I can hardly believe it.” Sal pet Gizmo before walking back to his room. He got back under his covers and stared back at the ceiling. Those stars were as bright as Travis's hair. Sal caught his giggle and laid to his side, his pillow smelled like Travis. He couldn't help but move in closer, just a bit. Gizmo purred as Sal fell back asleep. The leaves swaying in the wind and harsh purring occupied the remaining space in Sal's room.
Gizmo stepped on Sal's chest and licked his face until he woke up. Gizmo was surprisingly punctual for a cat. “Stop it Gizmo, I'm up.” Sal mumbled as he put his mask on. Sal didn’t really eat breakfast because he didn’t like tampering with his mask after putting it on. He put his hair up in a low ponytail and grabbed his bag. “Bye dad.” Sal looked at his father’s door and grumbled. He fixed his bag on his shoulder before meeting Ash, Larry, and Todd in the lobby of the apartments.
They met down stairs and began walking down the street, Larry walked up to Sal on their way to school and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. “So…” Larry dragged, “What did’ja do yesterday, Sal?” Larry smiled, slowly getting closer. Sal looked over at the street trying to avoid his gaze. “Uhm, just hung around.” Sal mumbled tilting his head slightly to get away from Larry’s questioning. “Really? Sounds fun! Did you guys watch a movie?” Larry asked, dropping his voice an octave, he was reaching for a certain answer, one he knew Sal could answer. “…” Sal attempted to dodge the question. He brushed Larry off of his shoulder and looked up at him, “Yeah.” Sal glared. “Chill dude I was just askin’.” Larry pouted his lips jokingly. “With Travis?” Ash smiled, a cheeky grin played on her face. “Duh Travis.” Todd covered his mouth to hide his lingering smirk. “Sorry Sal, you don’t have to be so secretive though.” Ash added with a shrug.
“It’s not that, I just, I don’t know.” Sal stuttered as he fixed his loose bangs. “Just promise not to go around telling Travis I told you anything.” Sal turned around and pleaded “I don’t want him to hate me.”
“You don’t have to worry about that.” Larry winked while sticking his tongue out.
“Of course we won’t.” Ash nudged Sal playfully.
“Alright Sal.” Todd agreed, fixing his glasses.
“Also, we watched that movie you recommended to me.” Ash’s eyes widened, she began to hop in place. “Did you like it?!” Ash squealed. Sal interrupted “ We watched most of it but when you got to the part where they had to leave each other…” Sal hesitated “He started to cry. Travis I mean.” Sal explained, picking at his nail polish. “Really?” Ash dropped her smile and listened carefully. “Yeah, I turned it off because it upset him. After that we just laid down.” Sal smiled to himself before looking back at Ash “That isn’t all you did, isn’t it?” Ash said knowingly, interlocking her fingers together.” Sal scoffed and continued “You know those stars on my ceiling?” Sal asked
“Yeah?” Ash answered.
“Uh huh.” Larry hummed.
“Yep.” Todd nodded.
“We were ‘kinda not really’ talking while looking at them. And I had took my mask off. He didn’t look away. He didn’t move at all. He just stared.” Ash listened with her finger curled on her chin, Sal continued. “As we laid on my bed he asked me a question. ‘Why are you doing this Sally face?’ He said. To be honest, I didn’t know how to respond. He just kinda laughed at me when I tried to.” Sal shrugged. “Weirdly in character.” Ash huffed.
They finished their conversation before walking into school. They walked up to their lockers and put their stuff away before the first bell. Travis and Sal had a class together first period so they usually saw each other on their way to class. ‘I should say hi this time, he didn’t mind it when I did last time.’ Sal thought as he shut his locker. Ash shut her locker and looked over at Sal, “You better finish that movie, Fisher.” Ash glared, squinting her eyes playfully. “Okay, okay.” Sal agreed, rubbing the back of his head.
“Ciya.” Sal threw up a peace sign up before he walked off.
“See you later.” Said Todd, still digging in his locker.
“Bye’ya.” Ash threw up a peace sign in response.
“…”
Ash poked Larry in his side “Ow sorry man, my head’s been knocking since this morning.” Larry groaned as he rubbed his side. “Bye dude.”
Sal walked down to his class and stood in the hallway, he looked for that bright blond hair slicked back hair. ‘What am I doing.’ Sal thought, turning to leave. “Fisher.” Travis stood in front of Sal.
“What are you doing?” Travis questioned. His angry demeanor dropped completely. “Standing around.” Travis mumbled “That damn mask doesn't hide that face that you're bad at lying.” Sal nudged Travis' arm jokingly and giggled, “Yeah, yeah.” Sal huffed. “Come on, we're going to be late… and I like what you did with your hair today.” Travis blushed, looking away and then back at sal again. “Thanks Trav, yours looks cool this time around too.” Sal shook his head with a smile.
They walked to class together, they didn't look at each other or even speak. Though the wonky smile on Travis’s face and Sal's nail polish picking really spoke volumes.