Chapter Text
You couldn't sleep.
You decided to be defeated by the night and stood up. After a glass of water you slumped down in one of the big chairs in the library. This was by far your favourite room of the Bunker. Surrounded by so much knowledge and so many worlds. Who doesn't love a library?
"Y/N?" Sam's soft voice made you jump in surprise.
"Oh....hey Sammy." You smiled, not looking up.
He frowned. You tended to call him that when something was wrong. "Everything okay?" He asked, perching on the arm of the chair.
"Maybe....I don't know..." You looked at the clock, realising how long you'd been sat there. At least two hours.
"I heard you get up...you didn't go back though." He tilted his head like a puppy.
"Yeah, I'm just...I don't know..."
"You keep saying that." He joked lightly.
"Yeah..."
"Seriously, Y/N what's wrong?"
"I can't do this anymore." You whispered, looking up at him with teary eyes.
His heart broke to see you so vulnerable. You were always so strong and brave. But not now. Not here. Not with him.
"Do what?" He sat down properly next to you and held out his arms for you. You accepted, hesitating for a moment before cuddling up to him.
"Every time I've died. I've come back to life. Always. But..." You take in a deep breath "Every time I've died it's been because of something different. Sam, I'm running out of different ways to die. One day I'm gonna die the same way and I won't come back."
"You mean?"
You pull a sleeve up to show some scars "When I kill myself on purpose, mostly for traveling to Purgatory, I have to get creative to make sure it won't happen in real life."
He held your arm gingerly and ran over the scars. "And you get a scar every time." He deduced.
"Yeah...I'm scared, Sam." Your voice quivers.
"I'm scared of death."
"That's okay." He nodded, assuring you it was.
"It's okay to be afraid, Y/N. But as long as I'm here I won't let that happen. I can't do that to you, sweetheart." He cupped your face in his hands and wiped away a stray tear with him thumb gingerly.
You stared into his eyes, hazel to blue to green the colours formed one of their own. He smiled sadly, his eyes glancing to your lips and back to your eyes once. Only once,but you saw it. This close you couldn't miss anything.
"I love you too much to see you die." He assured you leaning forward.
You kissed: a long and passionate kiss with soft touches and every ounce of love.
He held you close and stroked your hair, pressing soft kisses on your forehead. He took your hand in his, your fingers intertwined.
Heat shared.
Skin touched.
Legs tangled.
"I won't let you go."