Chapter Text
When was it that Shiro realized he had feelings for Sethos beyond mild irritation and a somewhat begrudged friendship?
More importantly to him, when was it that he had allowed himself to feel such things in the first place? It wasn’t like him at all. He hadn’t, in any sense, felt anything like this ever since he had gone by the name of Kabukimono. The Balladeer certainly wouldn’t have felt something like this. That much Shiro was sure of.
To him, at least, he had felt different ever since he’d erased himself from Irminsul, and even more so ever since Lesser Lord Kussanali had restored his memories to him. Even the influence of the Traveler and their pesky, annoying companion seemed to have changed him and his thoughts somewhat. Deny it as he might, he’d changed, and somehow that change allowed him to feel for Sethos in a way he’d forbidden himself from feeling so long ago. How stupid.
Shiro sighed, leaning back in the soft green armchair in which he occupied. The House of Daena currently had no visitors other than himself, and Shiro had looked forward to a quiet few hours of studying before any other students at the Akademiya got any bright ideas about using the space for their studies too. Instead, he was sitting with zero books in front of him and contemplating some silly crush like he was a frivolous schoolgirl.
So what if he liked the bright, outgoing desert-dweller who made so much of an effort just to connect with him? Ever since he’d met Sethos, the idiot hadn’t left his mind. He was always lingering at the cusp of his thoughts. Curses, Shiro could even hear his voice at this very moment, smirking as he made some flirtatious remark.
As much as Shiro wanted to listen to his feelings and admit to Sethos that he was more than an annoyance, he knew that would just be setting himself up for future grief and despair. A puppet like him didn’t age, and even then, he didn’t really deserve that kind of emotional fulfillment. Shiro wanted to love Sethos the way a flower loves the sun; petals spread in open worship. But deep within himself, he knew that when their eclipse in time ended and Sethos was inevitably torn from him by fate, he’d be left as barren as the moon, and useless on his own.
No, what was best for him was to keep Sethos at arm’s length. No sense in hurting the both of them.
Heaving another great sigh, Shiro rose, turning to the shelves behind him and selecting several heavy tomes on the particular subject he’d been assigned to work on for class. As he placed them on the table he’d been sitting at, a distant bell chimed, and a flood of students came pouring in.
Shiro groaned. Perfect. Just wonderful, even. Now he couldn’t even think straight amongst the clamor of other students chattering about classes, homework, and of course, upcoming exams. If concentrating had already been difficult because of a certain desert-dweller on the mind, there was no way in all of Teyvat he’d be able to focus now. Not in the slightest.
Checking out his books with an akademiya staff member, Shiro decided to take his studying somewhere else.
There was hardly anywhere in Sumeru that Shiro particularly enjoyed visiting. He couldn’t be bothered to spend time anywhere where there was anyone, which happened to be just about everywhere. He usually spent his time in isolation somewhere up a tree with a nice view, or in a hidden nook in the Akademiya that had long since been forgotten by even the sages. If no one knew where he was, no one could find him, so Shiro would frequently make the effort to find somewhere new to spend his time so that he could ensure solitude for what was usually a good few hours.
Usually.
After stopping by a few spots he had previously considered, Shiro ended up at the base of a tree next to a small pond whose smooth, glassy surface glistened, undisturbed. The sky was slate grey, blanketed with thick clouds that threatened to pour rain at any moment, casting a hush over the rainforest. All in all, it was Shiro’s kind of peace; calm, quiet, and not too bright. Perhaps he’d finally get some work done.
But of course, he could never have what he wanted, could he?
“Hey! Hat Guy!”
Shiro groaned loudly. He had gone through all that effort, just to find some peace and quiet, and who else but Sethos had managed to find him.
“In case you haven’t noticed,” Shiro grumbled, eyes rolling up so far he could see the inside of his hat. “I came all the way out here to be alone! You were not invited. How did you even find me?”
“You left the akademiya in quite a huff, I couldn’t help but notice.” Sethos sat down next to him, crossing his legs. “Besides I thought of all the people in Sumeru, I was one of the people you liked having around!”
Shiro scoffed at that despite knowing it was true. “Tch, don’t kid yourself. Whatever gave you that impression?”
“Plenty of things!” Sethos held out a book bound in thick leather. “But I digress. You forgot this. Scribe Alhaitham suggested I bring it to you, and also to remind you not to be so careless with the books you borrow.”
“He can remind me of the akademiya rules all he wants. Doesn’t mean I’m ever going to listen.”
“This implies that you, the legendary Hat Guy, are a notorious rule-breaker,” Sethos replied with a grin.
That stupid, stunning smile. Celestia above, the effect it had on Shiro was astounding.
“Don’t fill your head with foolish delusions. I only meant that I couldn’t care about a word that comes out of his mouth in particular. I’m well aware of the rules.” Shiro set the book on top of the others he had brought. “Well?”
“Well…what?”
“Is that all? Can I return to my studying now?”
“Eh? You don’t want a little company?” Sethos nudged Shiro in the shoulder. “Not even from me?”
“Hmph.”
“Y’know, people often say that two’s company, and three’s a–”
“Three’s a crowd, yes, I know. I wasn’t born yesterday.” Shiro flipped open one of the books and held it out in front of him, absently reading through the pages. “With the amount of racket you make, two’s equivalent to a crowd.”
“Right, right.” Sethos grinned again, softer this time and full of more genuine warmth. He leaned against the tree, positioning himself right next to Shiro as he settled in.
About half an hour passed by before Shiro looked up from his book.
“Aaand you’re still here. Why?” His eyes flicked back down to the book’s pages
“Not sure. I thought you would’ve chased me away by now.” Sethos tilted his head towards Shiro. “Though your words said you didn’t want me around, I fear your actions say otherwise. Guess you do like me after all, at least enough to want me around.”
Shiro felt his face redden slightly, but shifted his position so that his hat hid his head from view. “Like I said earlier, don’t dwell on fantasies such as that. You’ll only get your hopes up, thinking as such.”
“Mhm, sure.”
“Wipe that smug look off your face, desert-dweller.”
“What smug look?” said Sethos, ever so smugly.
Shiro huffed. “You know what I mean, you idiot.”
“Oh, do I?”
“Shut up!”
Sethos laughed, and Shiro groaned loudly. Sethos, as surprisingly enjoyable as Shiro found him, was quite the nuisance sometimes. He wasn’t even sure what it was he saw in that boy. Sethos was practically his polar opposite, radiating sweet warmth whereas Shiro gave off nothing but bitter cold. Sethos was certainly a pleasant sight to Shiro’s eyes, at least, with his soft, fluffy brown hair and brilliant green eyes, but did it really go beyond that? Having Sethos there with him made it hard to think. His mere presence muddied Shiro’s very thoughts. Shiro didn’t hate him at the very least…
“Shiro? Earth to Shiro.” Sethos snapped his fingers in front of Shiro’s face until he snapped back to attention. “You alright? You kinda just…zoned out…and you were staring at me.”
“Don’t–”
“Don’t kid myself? You’ve said that maybe five times already.”
“Wh– No I haven’t!” Shiro stood suddenly, face growing warm with every passing second.
“Oh?” Sethos scooted back, startled by Shiro’s sudden rush. “Something the matter?”
“It’s…nothing.” Shiro scooped up his books.
“Hm, that’s what you want me to think.” Sethos stood as well. “I think you might actually enjoy spending time with me. What else?”
“What made you think that?!”
“Well, you didn’t shoo me off when I sat here with you, you don’t seem to mind back-and-forth conversation with me, and lastly—” Sethos pointed at Shiro — “you seem to get embarrassed every time I dig a little too deep on your opinion of me, no?”
“You’re crazy.”
“And you’re a terrible liar.”
Shiro rolled his eyes. “Think whatever you want. We don’t have anything beyond acquaintanceship between us.”
“Something between us is better than nothing!” Sethos smirked as Shiro turned and began to walk off. When Shiro didn’t reply, Sethos called out to him. “I’ll see you sometime soon, hm?”
Shiro was thankful his back was turned. He didn’t think that he could talk to Sethos face-to-face with the flustered, irritable expression he knew he was wearing. “In your dreams, Sethos.”
“What lovely dreams those will be. Count on it, Hat Guy!”
Those words didn’t leave Shiro’s head for hours, which then turned into days on end. Did Sethos truly believe that any dream about him was a lovely one? Did Shiro deserve to be held in such regard by someone as wonderful as Sethos?
Perhaps he did.
What lovely dreams, indeed.