Chapter Text
Dick groaned as he plopped himself down into the driver's seat of the Batmobile. Bruce had tried to insist on driving, but Dick would not allow it. The older man had been hit by a new mixture of Scarecrow's Fear Toxin and was not in the headspace to be behind the wheel. Bruce remained silent the whole ride as Dick cursed their luck because of course the universe hated them and decided to wait until Tim was off world, unavailable to quell any fear Bruce might have over losing another son, for something like this to happen. Normally, the toxin wouldn't have been much of an issue. The Bats and the Birds were exposed to it frequently enough that everyone had developed an immunity to the typical formula. Unfortunately though, it seemed like Crane had decided to be creative and use a new mixture tonight. Both men were unsure of its effects, but Dick had managed to gather a sample to test later.
"Are you good B?" the young man asked once they finally arrived in the cave. Bruce simply gave a Batgrunt (patent pending) and stepped out of the vehicle. The whole thing was unnerving for Dick and a testament to the effectiveness of Scarecrow's new formula.
The silence thankfully did not remain uncomfortable for too much longer, as the old man immediately flocked to the Batcomputer to fill out a mission report while Dick attempted to reverse engineer an antidote. The former Robin tapped his fingers impatiently as the analysis machine buzzed in his ear. Something felt… off. It was like when he decided to dig deeper into that photo all over again.
His thoughts drifted for what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes until the machine beeped loudly, signaling the completion of the analysis. Dick read the results and sighed. As expected, this batch of Fear Toxin used chemicals that targeted parts of the brain that controlled emotional regulation and reason instead of fear like usual. He would have to watch Bruce closely until the machine was finished synthesizing a cure. It was then that Dick paused as it hit him. Bruce had stopped typing. Given the man's condition and the fact he usually worked on his post mission notes for hours until they were up to his standards, this was cause for concern.
"Hey B, how's the report going?" Dick asked in a poor attempt to sound casual as he walked toward the Batcomputer. The smile he had put on faltered when there was no response. "I think that maybe you should go to the med-"
The acrobat felt heart drop when he processed what was on the screen. The files Tim had sent him were laid bare as Bruce stared at the screen.
"Someone looked at this. Was it you?" Bruce asked with a tone of hurt that the chemicals pumping through him made impossible to hide.
"Yes," Dick responded honestly. There was no point in trying to hide it.
He should have just asked Babs…
"It was the photo, wasn't it? Oh god, you know now. You know, you know, you know…" the older man mumbled as he rocked back and forth, his skin clammy and eyes unfocused.
Shit, this was on the verge of becoming a full meltdown. Dick had to do something.
"I'm sorry B. It was clear you didn't want to talk about it and it was wrong of me to go digging in your business."
The older man still looked it him with suspicion, but visibly relaxed. "You're not ashamed of me?"
"What? Of course not!" Dick said with surprise. This was not where he expected this to go. "Let's get you to the med bay and give you the antidote. You'll feel better after that."
Dick helped him get up and they walked together to a bed. On the way, something seemed to click for Bruce and he sighed in relief. "Oh right, I didn't write it. No one knows. No one knows what happened with him."
Dick felt his blood run cold. Horrible memories that he had tried hard to suppress came rushing back. Before he could stop himself, the question flew out. "What did he do?"
Quiet mi amor, callado…
If the situation wasn't already serious enough, it became critical when Bruce broke down sobbing. Bruce never did that.
"No, I can't! How could I be… It didn't…" he paused, "It was supposed to be a caning. He showed me Robert's head. He said I was a dirty sneak. He…"
The confession was too much for Bruce, he had crouched himself on the floor and begun rocking again. Dick wanted to deny it, but the picture the man's words had painted was too clear. Something like that happening to Bruce, to the Batman, to his father was too horrible and unimaginable.
But why? a nasty voice in his head asked. It happened to you.
"I never wanted anyone to find out," Bruce said in a small voice that broke Dick's already shattered heart. "I never wanted to embarrass you."
"You don't embarrass me," Dick said instantly. No matter how truly he meant those words, however, a sense of hypocrisy filled him. Hadn't he been afraid to tell anyone about Catalina for the same reason? Perhaps it was time to finally share that burden. "I've been… raped too."
Bruce's face change quickly. First shock, then anger on Dick's behalf, and then heartbreak. "That's what it was, wasn't it? Rape,” he looked into Dick's eyes and through his soul as the younger man helped him up They began to walk toward a hospital bed again.
"When?"
"When Blockbuster died." the younger man said simply. "Catalina killed him and I freaked out. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had failed you and all your lessons. I thought you'd be disappointed in me. She didn't care."
"I'm not," Bruce said, "Disappointed in you, I mean. I could never be. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I should have been. I didn't want to push things. You didn't want me around."
"I didn't," Dick agreed, "It was stupid. I missed you so much."
"It was stupid, we both were. I missed you too."
Dick set his father down on the bed. He saw the exhaustion of the nights events show on the older man's face, making him look ten years older. Dick doubted he looked any better.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that too, baby," Bruce mumbled as he settled into the sheets while his son put the finishing touches on the antidote and a mild sedative. He had begun crying again, but not as hard as before. "I never wanted that for you, never imagined it could happen. You're such a good boy. You deserved so much better."
This made Dick pause as he attempted to hold back tears of his own. Sure, maybe Bruce was just talking about the assault, but he had a feeling it was deeper than that. Was he saying Dick deserved a better father? A better family? A better life in general? Well, whatever it was, Bruce meant it.
"You did too," he replied simply as he administered the medication.
"Maybe I did," Bruce said with a yawn. After a while of staring at the ceiling, he turned to Dick and gave him a genuine smile, "I love you Dick."
"I love you too dad," Dick responded, leaving a kiss on his father's forehead as his eyes closed.