Chapter Text
Something that Clarke could never get used to was the dim flashing lights that broke the solid darkness of her room as she tried to sleep. The blinking lines, a dim green like a digital clock, always seemed to taunt her. Every night was the same until she would, annoyed, stuff her arm against her chest and forcefully close her eyes until she was tired enough that the flashing did not distract her.
Every promise that the brochure had listed would play in her head as she contemplated the metal implanted in her body, but after Finn, she was having difficulty thinking of one that convinced her that the uneven nights were worth it. She could hardly think of anyone in her immediate circle that had successfully Timed Out with someone. The only happy faces that she could think about were the ones on the adverts that flashed on bus stops and billboards and in magazines. Some of her failed partners’ aside, the people she surrounded herself with were all patiently waiting.
Perhaps Bellamy had a point.
Her mother had found love without a Timer. Generations had somehow managed it too. The damned numbers did not mean anything in the long run. Did they?
Clarke huffed and turned again, careful to shield her arm from her eyes. Her thoughts shifted to Bellamy again. Brown hair and brown eyes.
Sitting up, resigning herself to less sleep than she had intended, she rubbed her eyes and picked up her phone. It read 3:52.
More numbers.
Clarke looked at her Timer and thought something she had not considered to think for years. She should remove it. Take the fucking piece of metal out her arm and be done with it for good. No more waiting, no more disappointments and no more sleepless nights while the numbers she so desperately waited for taunted her as lines and only lines.
XXX
“Are you serious?” Raven snorted over her cereal before laughing. “Fucking hell, you are. What do you think it will do? Taking that out won’t cure you of your hopeless romanticism Clarke.”
Clarke rolled her eyes and leaned towards Raven, smiling euphorically. “It would just take away the pressure. The never knowing and the…” she trailed off and she sighed. “I’m not asking you to do it too; I’m just letting you know what I’m thinking about doing.”
“Is this about Bellamy?” Raven said between mouthfuls, off-handed before grinning close lipped as she chewed.
“Why would it be about him? I mean, it’s only been- what? - maybe two months that we’ve been going out.”
“Yes, but you have a connection,” Raven giggled, “One that wasn’t predestined by quacks who could work a screwdriver.”
“For someone who has such an opinion of the Timers, you did a good job of trying to convince me to keep mine.”
“Perhaps at heart I am a hopeless romantic too.” She sighed, “Or,” she dragged out the word, “You are slightly impulsive and you need someone to just talk with you to make sure that you don’t… fuck up whatever it is you have going.”
“Always the voice of love and support, aren’t you?” Clarke laughed and Raven shrugged.
“That is what I’m here for; still trying to find out what your purpose in this friendship is though…” Clarke slapped Raven’s hand, smiling before she stood up and stretched her arms above her head.
“Now that you know what I’m up to, I’ve got to get showered and ready. I’m meeting Bellamy for breakfast.”
“Oh breakfast,” Raven said, deadpan. “Voted most romantic meal of them all,”
“I like breakfast, Raven,” Clarke frowned, crossing her arms.
“I know this thing but… it’s hardly date material. Unless, you know, it’s the morning after a good dinner date.” She winked suggestively and Clarke just shook her head before laughing a little awkwardly.
“Mind out of gutter, Rae.”
XXX
Bellamy was waiting outside her apartment block, leaning against the step rail. Seeing Bellamy made Clarke feel a little like her heart had stopped beating before it started again, fast and wild. He greeted her with a crooked smile, self-assured and charming, that Clarke returned before ducking her head and walking to his side.
“Morning,” he said, offering her his arm which she took, appreciating his body heat in the chilled morning air.
“Morning,” she replied, quiet and muffled against his shoulder. Clarke could hardly remember feeling this self-conscious before. Hardly in a way that was uncomfortable, Bellamy was easy to get along with, laid back and charming, but she could not help feeling like avoiding his piercing stares when he would glance at her when they walked, his gaze being a little bit more than a casual glimpse.
They walked in companionable silence for a few minutes before she asked about the novel that he had just started a few weeks ago and he asked her about when some of her work would be displayed in the show at the end of the month. They fell into easy routine, speaking like people who had known each other longer than the two weeks that they had. Clarke could do what she could never really do with anyone else; she could ignore the thing that would pollute every other relationship she had. She could forget about the Timer, so easily that when she removed her coats and rolled up her sleeves in the heated restaurant, she paused, almost surprised when her eye caught the lines again that it was still there. That it was there at all.
XXX
Clarke arrived home late afternoon, happy and more convinced than before that the Timer did not matter. If she could find happiness with someone, regardless of whether the machines said that she should or not, Clarke was more than happy to do so. The feeling that her life was being dictated had never really been one that she was familiar with. There was always something romantic about the Timer telling her who she should end up with. Something that she thought was rather silly in retrospect. What was more romantic than choosing someone regardless of the numbers, regardless of the science? Love wasn’t just the chemicals and hormones that much Clarke was sure of. No doubt it was something that needed to be considered, but it could not just be that. Drugging yourself into a state of euphoria was hardly romantic, and Clarke was sure that she was a hopeless romantic, just like Raven had said. Choice was better than a script and she wanted to choose who she loved, not be told.
There would be no security blanket, nothing telling her that this was the one person that she should end up with, nothing assuring her in the hard times that the choice she made was the right one. But that was part of it, she supposed. The plastic smiles on the brochures would not be joined by hers. She would have something more organic.
Smiling, she found the number for the Timer Corporation and made an appointment, feeling light when she was dismissed with a short ‘good bye’ and she hung up.
XXX
“- so I’m getting it removed.”
“Removed?”
“Taken out, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of flashing lines and frankly I’m tired of the idea,” Clarke shifted so that her elbow was no longer pressed against Bellamy’s side.
“Why?”
“You were right. It almost cheapens the relationship. It’s the easy way out and,” she sighed, “I don’t know, I would rather have it the harder way than wait for someone who’s
obviously not coming,” she waved her arm slightly.
Bellamy swallowed and frowned slightly. “What if your soulmate is out there and they get the Timer and then you’re stuck with someone else, not as happy as you could be? It seems a little risky.”
“Why?”
Bellamy shifted, removing himself from being against Clarke and he ran his fingers through his hair.
“What if you waste your time with someone who isn’t your soulmate? I mean, those things basically come with a guarantee of commitment and a future. What if the person you choose… just… doesn’t?”
Clarke frowned. “Okay, so, I’m in no way proposing marriage or anything, but what you are saying is that, as of this moment, you’ve just been fooling around with me? I’m just a cute distraction until my soulmate wises up and gets a fucking Timer and lets you off the hook?” her voice was rising and she could see that Bellamy was desperately searching for the words.
“I’m not… that’s not… Clarke, I don’t mean that. But you…” he closed his eyes as he tried to collect his thoughts. “I lo-” he stopped. “I just don’t want you to settle.”
“-‘that’s no guarantee of commitment and a future’?” Clarke hissed.
Bellamy frowned, “Clarke, let me explain what I meant. I’m sorry that-”
“Apology accepted. The door is where it’s always been so you know where it is.”
“Clarke please-”
“OUT!”
Bellamy didn’t move. “You know I love you right?”
“Seriously?” Clarke yelled. “Now? Now that you told me that unless you have a Timer that tells you to give me the time of day, you won’t?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry. Can we forget I said anything other than something supportive?”
Clarke swallowed slowly and she ground her teeth before shaking her head. “You really are an idiot."
She took a deep breath and sat back down, gesturing for him to do the same.
"I love you too, asshole.”
XXX
No one mentioned the Timers in Clarke’s presence, knowing that her appointment was drawing ever nearer. The closest time they could get it removed was in a month or so, and Clarke did not mention it either, but she had a feeling of complete apprehension when she saw the day drawing nearer. She was thankful that nobody tried to convince her otherwise, even after Monty met Harper and Jasper Maia. Raven had sniffed once that she and Clarke should have been soulmates and that the Universe, the Timer Corporation and everyone else involved were fuckers in need of a serious priority shift. Clarke had laughed but she could not help thinking of brown hair and brown eyes.
She was kept occupied by preparing for the gallery showing at the backend of the month, something that she was thankful for. She would blast music until she could hardly make out the melody and slash at canvases until she could sleep without interruption from the Timer.
XXX
The show began with short speeches from the gallery owners and then one of the featured artists said a few words before raising a glass and everyone politely clapped. There were more people than there had been at any of the previous shows that Clarke had been involved in. More people coming up to her and congratulating her with impersonal handshakes and hands tapping on her back. Her mother and Kane congratulated her too, and Raven had shrieked excitedly when she saw Clarke and hugged her tightly. It was everything that she had hoped for, and Bellamy made it even better.
The evening was spent with Bellamy and Raven, who would try to describe the artworks to Clarke, who could not help but laugh at the ridiculous analyses that Raven gave, twirling her glass of wine, frowning and tipping her head in an educated manner.
The evening drew to a close and Clarke remained behind a little later, watching as the gallery emptied and watching as the wait-staff began to clean.
“We should get home,” Raven yawned. “They might kick us out soon,”
“You can leave, I’m going to stay a little longer,” Clarke said, Bellamy waved at Raven as she shrugged and left, leaving the two of them looking at a strange painting of red circles and lines.
“Well done tonight, you were easily the most angsty of the artists.” Bellamy chuckled.
“Oh shut up,” Clarke laughed.
“No, I really mean it. Scary stuff. I might be afraid to be alone with you right now.”
“I knew I was right when I met you. You are a total asshole.”
“But you love me anyway,”
“Also bigheaded,” she turned to face him, smiling.
“No doubt. How amazing must I be to get a girl like you?” he smirked.
“Haha,” Clarke rolled her eyes.
“Are you sure though? Getting your Timer removed… it’s kind of permanent.”
Clarke frowned, looking into his eyes and smiled, assured and happy.
“Even a Timer could not make me any surer about my choosing you.” She said.
“Thank god,” he whispered, moving his head down to kiss her.