Chapter Text
Hayden didn’t know why he agreed to this.
Well, he did, but it didn’t stop the anxiety rising in his chest.
It had been a few months since Hayden had found out that Lily was Ilya and he was desperate for a real talk with Shane. Ilya Rozanov had been somewhat of an elephant in the room.
In the whirlwind of finding out about Rozanov quickly culminating with Shane’s injury, Hayden hadn’t had much time to process this discovery about his best friend. He supposed he should have been more surprised that Shane was gay but, well, looking back the signs were there.
He never really talked about girls, not with the other guys in the locker room and not to Hayden. When they were out at bars, the few times Shane came with, he did not so much as glance at a boob. Which was crazy.
Granted, he had never really seen Shane ogle a man either, but there was a practiced intensity that Shane had in the locker room that Hayden had assumed was all about being in the right headspace for the competition. Now, Hayden wondered how much of that he had trained into himself when he was young to make sure no one would catch him looking anywhere he shouldn’t be. Or, rather, somewhere they thought his eyes shouldn’t be.
Hayden also thinks back to a conversation he had with Yuna Hollander a few years back. She was asking Hayden about Shane’s life, trying desperately to see if her boy was well looked after. Hayden had told her about Lily, and Shane’s mom had seemed surprised. Hayden had chalked it up to her being taken aback that Shane didn’t say anything, but that was so in character for Shane that he now wondered if Yuna had a few suspicions of her own and was surprised by Lily being a woman’s name.
So yes, in the months he’s had to process the clusterfuck that was this discovery, Hayden had not needed to grapple with his best friend’s sexuality. At all. What he has had to grapple with, however, was the Ilya Rozanov of it all.
He tried not to feel any disgust, because Shane didn’t deserve that, but there was a pit in his stomach that wouldn’t go away. He knew Shane and he knew that the only impact this had in his playing was an overtone of horniness that Hayden has realized has been there for years. Discretion isn’t Shane’s strong suit and he supposes the heteronormativity of the sport has helped aid Shane in staying in the closet all these years.
When he was, well, researching all of this, he found a bunch of posts from fans speculating about the Hollander/Rozanov rivalry, but no one seemed to take those fans seriously. He found that there were a lot more accounts than he ever thought dedicated to unearthing secret relationships between players, which would probably make Shane sweat if he knew. Granted, some of them may have the whole Hollander/Rozanov thing correct but they’re so incredibly off-base with other things that he understands why no one takes them seriously.
Hockey aside, Hayden had to wonder what in the fuck Shane saw in Rozanov. He’d assumed it was pure lust (he’d heard many a story about how great Rozanov was in bed), if not for the way Shane got all moony over him. Plus, Rozanov’s panic when Shane got injured really implied it wasn’t just going one way, which was further proved by the man’s presence at Shane’s cottage (more on that later). He had never heard Rozanov say something that wasn’t pure douchebag, but Hayden really only knew him on the ice and in a panic fueled haze. Which begged the question: when the fuck did Shane get to know him off the ice?
The more he thought about this whole Rozanov clusterfuck, the more questions he had. Seriously, Shane had been seeing ‘Boston Lily’ for years. And the man was an asshole and a dirty player. He’d heard opposites attract before, but they really were too different. And he wanted to understand every part of his best friend’s life, but Shane had to be willing to talk to him and, plainly, he wasn’t. Shane looked like a deer in headlights then changed the topic any time Hayden tried to bring it up. He would have thought Shane would have liked telling someone after all the years keeping a secret and, admittedly, Hayden wanted the gossip to share with Jackie. But the man was so uptight that he didn’t know what to do.
He thought he could reconcile with the idea of Rozanov more if he knew more about this whole thing, but where he was right now was, well, confused and perturbed. Seriously, he was trying not to be, but…well, you try being in this position.
So here he was now: still trying to understand Shane while the man wouldn’t really talk to him. Playoffs were well over with Scott Hunter kissing his boyfriend on live television. Hayden had been shocked and had quickly texted Shane to ask if he knew. Shane had replied in the negative and then left Hayden on read when he said It must be nice knowing you aren’t alone.
Hayden didn’t know what to do to get Shane to talk to him. His leading theory on the cold shoulder was embarrassment that Shane came out to him (sort of) while very high on drugs. It was classic Shane Hollander: panic and retreat.
When the thought crossed Hayden’s mind, he wondered if that’s what the whole Rose Landry thing was about. Panic and retreat.
Hayden sighed and looked through his phone. He remembered texting Scott Hunter soon after game 7. He wasn’t certain how or why he had the number in his phone. There was some series of WAGs with insane social media presence that talked to Jackie, who occasionally (through the grapevine) gave him good numbers to have. He generally saved them and never used them. He had thought that now was his time; he would have to put his money where his mouth was in terms of allyship, even where Shane couldn’t see it. Better late than never.
Really proud of you dude. I know the league can be horrible, but I want you to know some of us are normal. Let me know if you need anything.
Oh. This is Hayden Pike btw.
Scott had replied a simple thank you, then Hayden had watched a bubble appear and disappear a few times before a second message came in. It’s good to have the support. Thank you again.
He looked at the contact and the short series of messages and considered asking Hunter for advice, but there was no real discreet way to do that.
That gave Hayden the idea. He had spent months waiting for Shane to bring up the inevitable. But Shane never did, and Hayden, honestly, still didn’t like Rozanov so he was happy to stay quiet. However, he felt his best friend needed someone to talk to about all of this fucking mindfuck and he would have to start showing support.
Summer was well underway and Shane was, as usual, holed up at his cottage. Shane never directly told him, but he knew Rozanov was there with him, because when he sent this plan into action he had planned to call Shane to give him an update on Amber (who was so, so cute, thank you for asking) and maybe end the call with a casual “I love you say hi to Rozanov for me,” he had heard noises on the other end of the line.
The problem was that Shane and Rozanov were clearly having some sort of sex with Hayden on the phone. Jesus. And he didn’t know how to politely tell Shane hey bud, it’s cool that you’re gay and that you’re gay with Rozanov at that, but like maybe don’t have sex where I can hear it? Did that make him homophobic? Fuck.
So he pretended he didn’t notice anything was wrong when Shane gave him shitty excuses and hung up.
Hayden devised another plan. He wasn’t exactly the most popular Voyager, but he was one of the more sociable ones. Jackie was great with the WAGs too, so he put out feelers for what everyone thought of Scott. He figured he could shut down any homophobia right now and tell Shane who to avoid but his team was, apparently, not being a bunch of homophobic dickheads about Hunter. Which was great. He texted Shane this, who simply thumbs upped the message.
It was like he was holding the closet door shut.
Hayden tried a third and final strategy. Insisting on a double date. Maybe this thawing of the ice needed to happen face to face. He told Shane that Jackie could cook and that he wanted to meet Rozanov properly and not in the courtyard of the hospital that Shane was concussed at.
This seemed to work because Shane had called Hayden.
After a brief update on Amber (still very, very cute and very, very awake at all times), Shane insisted that they do it at his place. Hayden was absolutely shocked to hear that Rozanov was moving to Ottawa for next season (“Wow it’s that serious?” “Yes. Yes it is.”). However, this meant that he would be moving to Canada at the end of the summer. Thus, a three hour drive away and boom, they could all have dinner at Shane’s.
Shane had stayed somewhat withheld for the rest of summer (although Hayden assumed that had more to do with Rozanov than him) until, eventually the day came.
And boy, was Hayden having a fucking day.
The minivan was in the shop to get the air conditioning working again after someone had shoved an ungodly amount of fruit loops in the vents.
So, he was down a car.
Even worse, he was down a wife because Jackie had run over to a friend’s place to help weather a crisis, whatever that meant, and would be meeting him at Shane’s. Jackie had taken the slightly more practical Jetta, so Hayden was really, really without a car.
When he had told Shane this, telling him he would just take a taxi or an uber or whatever over, Shane had very kindly offered Rozanov’s driving services, which Hayden couldn’t refuse because, as Shane had pointed out, “you wanted to get to know Ilya better, right?”
So, here he was, sitting on the steps leading to his house like a child waiting for the bus because the babysitter had shooed him out for “distracting the kids.”
He didn’t need to wait long, however, as a rather sleek red car with black decals whipped down the street, stopping on the curb just in front of his house. He wished he could pretend he wasn’t a car guy, but he had to admit the GranTurismo was rather sleek.
He opened the door and slid into the front seat which was, god damn it, shockingly comfortable for a car. The damn minivan really was breaking his back.
“Pike.”
“Rozanov.”
They sat in uncomfortable silence as Ilya pulled out of Hayden’s neighborhood. As Ilya ran a stop sign then threw a hand up as if the poor Jeep that squealed to a stop was at fault, it hit Hayden.
Fucking Boston drivers.
This was a worse mistake than Hayden ever could have imagined it would be.
Hayden didn’t live all that far from Shane, but the drive felt like eons despite the ungodly speed Rozanov was going. Seriously, he didn’t think the speedometer dipped under 85 the entire drive. And on top of that, Rozanov was weaving out of nonexistent traffic, driving on the median, and flipping off nearly every other driver for such horrible offenses like doing the limit and driving normally. All while he ignored the use of his blinkers. On top of all that fuckery, he had a cigarette lit and was blasting the most atrocious Russian techno music.
“If Shane knows you drive like this he’ll kill you before your driving can.”
Rozanov shrugged. “Good thing you will not mention it then.”
Hayden was speechless.
“Who taught you how to drive? A blind horse?”
“Your mother did, so yes,” Ilya quipped with a wicked grin.
“I fucking hate you.”
“Aw, you sound like Hollander.”
“Don’t.”
The rest of the drive moved along in relative silence. Hayden tried to grapple with the fact that this was his reality now, while Rozanov bobbed his head along to whatever ungodly thing was being screeched through the speakers. Hayden’s teeth rattled; the car’s stereo system had clearly been upgraded to make listening to music a full body experience. Hayden almost wanted to ask how much Ilya spent on it before he realized he didn’t really care.
God, Shane had bad taste in men.
But he was here for his buddy, so he would see it through until the end.
They pulled into the driveway, next to the Jetta, and made their way inside after Hayden (childishly, he’ll admit) slammed the door to the damn car.
The effect of the beautiful house never seemed to wear out. Shane seriously had great taste in home design. He had the house built a few years ago, and Hayden could still remember the rare joy that Shane never seemed to have when he showed Hayden the plans for construction.
Hayden stepped inside after Rozanov pulled the door open for him which, he had to admit, was nicer that he would have thought. He bit his tongue in an attempt to make peace and regretted this two seconds later when Ilya said, "I'm surprised you can take off your shoes standing up! I know how hard your back must hurt from all the time on ice you get!”
Hayden was going to fucking strangle him. He opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted by the sound of Jackie laughing from a couple rooms over. Instead, he grabbed the shoe he had just taken off and flung it as hard as he could at Rozanov, who just swatted it away and laughed.
The laugh gave them away as Shane called out, “Oh! I was starting to worry that you two killed each other in the car.”
“It was a near thing,” Rozanov said as started towards the sound of Shane’s voice.
“Behave,” Shane said sternly as they entered the room. “That goes for both of you.”
Hayden smiled, trying to shake off the weirdness of Rozanov’s existence in the scene as he took in Jackie and Shane sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Shane nursed a ginger ale while Jackie slowly sipped from a glass of wine. Rozanov floated towards Shane, like a planet finding its way back into orbit, as Hayden stood awkwardly behind Jackie. Shane beamed up at Rozanov, who leaned down to kiss the top of his head, before turning his attention to Hayden.
“Would you like any water? Wine? Coke?” Shane asked, setting his drink down on a coaster.
“Just water would be fine, thank you,” Hayden replied graciously, thankful for the distraction from the PDA.
“Ah, so your legs don’t work either?” Rozanov’s agitating voice chimed in.
“I will fucking kill you, Rozanov.”
“None of that, thank you very much,” Shane said, pointing a finger in either direction at them. “And it’s Ilya to you, Hayden, while we’re in my house.”
“No fucking way. I love you man, I do, but-”
Jackie had enough of sitting in silence. “You said you would make this work, honey. Don’t be so…” Jackie waved a hand in the air before finishing, “antagonistic. It’s like watching the kids fight for that damn rocking horse.”
“I’m not trying to ride Shane!”
Both Rozanov and Shane made twin noises of disgust at that comment.
“No. Sorry, I just meant that the kids are shoving each other to the ground for a turn on the horse. And. Well, sorry, not what I’m trying to do. Sorry Shane. And, um, also Ilya.”
“Thank you,” Shane said, then pointed a look at Rozanov that could melt ice.
“Yes, sorry,” Rozanov intoned with absolutely no conviction.
Shane seemed too stressed to notice as he walked out of the room stiffly to grab Hayden water.
“How was the drive over?” Jackie asked as she reached for Hayden to come sit and join her on the couch.
“It was fine,” Rozanov replied, leaning his weight on the arm near where Shane was just sitting.
“Please, I don’t know how you have a license.”
“Ah, it is easy. I go to the DMV, they take my picture, I drive the car. Have you heard of this process?” Rozanov said, mockingly widening his eyes at Hayden.
It beared repeating. Shane’s taste in men really sucked.
“Yes, thank you,” Hayden directed the last bit at Shane, who had returned with a glass of water in one hand and a coke in the other.
He handed the water over before hitting Rozanov lightly on the head with the coke, “Off the arm. You know that’s bad for the couch's longevity. Sit on the actual thing like a normal person.”
Hayden felt sick, and couldn’t help saying, “Oh? So you get to be mean to him?”
Rozanov’s smile said whatever was about to come out of his mouth would give Hayden an aneurysm. “Yes, well, it’s hot when he does it. You just don’t do it for me, Pike.”
“Ok listen you fucking-”
“Enough!” Shane cut in. “Behave. Both of you. And it’s Hayden while you’re in my home, Ilya.”
Hayden wanted to gloat, but decided keeping his mouth shut was probably better for the longevity of his friendship with Shane.
Jackie butted in, trying to keep some of the peace. Perhaps, she had spent too many nights hearing Hayden complain about this whole mindfuck and wanted some sleep between the rowdy kids and her agitated husband, but between her and Shane the conversation managed to flow fairly well.
They talked updates on the kids and how Rozanov’s move was going and any mundane thing in between. Hayden and Rozanov still glared at each other between comments, but they forcibly bit their tongues in an attempt to show Shane how much they both wanted this to work.
That seemed like a remedy for the conversation, up until they got to dinner. Jackie had lots of questions for Shane about how he cooked fish, as that was one of her weaker meats in the kitchen. Hayden had tried to help, but his strategy of throw enough spice on so you can’t taste the burned flesh was not the ideal, to say the least. He got relegated to passing things to whoever when they called for it.
Shane was gracious as he showed her how to pan sear it, basting it in its own juices so the skin stays crispy but the flesh stays moist. Ilya chimed in every now and again with tips on when to add salt and ideal temperatures for fish.
The three of their expertise left Hayden feeling useless and bitter, which was a bad combination for the good impression he was trying really hard to make despite not wanting to.
Thus, when Ilya tried to show off to Jackie with how well he was stir frying vegetables (seriously the snap of his wrist was ridiculous), Hayden had to open his big fucking mouth.
It was stupid and childish that this was what set him off, but he could reflect on that later. “Is that how you manipulated Shane into this whole thing? Show him you can cook and suddenly you’re in his pants?”
“The fuck did you just say to me?” Rozanov’s bicep twitched, showing how much restraint he was putting into not knocking Hayden’s head off his shoulders.
Shane was glaring daggers at Hayden. “I can make my own decisions. I am an adult, even though you hardly ever treat me like one. Don’t minimize our relationship like that.” Shane sucked in a breath and straightened his shoulders, then said, “I’d like you to leave, this clearly isn’t going to work.”
Even Jackie was looking at him with clear disappointment. Jesus, he was fucking this up.
“I’m sorry. I am, just…He’s been our enemy for fucking years, Shane. And suddenly I find out you’re in love. And I’m ok with you being gay and everything. I need you to know that. I just…well this is weird? No, sorry. It’s new. It’s new and you wouldn’t talk to me about it even though your Ilya has never said a civil fucking word to me. So, sorry, I’m trying to cope. I’ll go. I’ll uber, Jackie you can stay. I’ve fucked this up.”
Hayden was grateful for his wife, who had the emotional intelligence that he lacked as she chimed in, “I think Hayden’s trying to say he’s hurt that he couldn’t know this side of you and, perhaps, he’s not adapting well to seeing you in this new light before you’ve talked to him about it.”
Hayden nodded along. “Yes. What she said.”
Shane sighed heavily, still clearly upset. “Don’t try to absolve yourself from this. You have never said a civil word to Ilya either, so save your list of fucking excuses, man. Seriously, do you hear how selfish you sound? I don’t want to argue with you, I really don’t but this is clearly not working, not while neither of you, yes you too Ilya,” he said with a pointed look behind him, “are even making an effort. I want you to like each other, you’ve both been one of the few constants in my life. And I’m sorry for pulling back, but what the fuck am I supposed to think, Hayden? You’re always asking about all the sex I’m having with women and have definitely contributed to the macho, hyper masculine, homophobic attitude in the room. And on top of that, I didn’t even get to tell you that I’m gay myself. Not while I’m sober, at least. Did you consider, once, how I was dealing with everything?”
Hayden had not, not really. Fuck, he was a terrible friend. And on top of that he’d driven Shane so mad that his buddy said more sentences in a row than he’d ever heard. Fuck, even his captain’s speeches during game 7 were shorter. He needed to find a good way to apologize and, frankly, he’d had a lot of practice.
Hayden looked pleadingly at Shane, eyes sliding between him and Rozanov, or rather, Ilya. If he was going to try to fix things, he’s got to start thinking of the man as a human rather than just a hockey player.
“I’m sorry. I really, really am. I just want us to be fine again. I’ll try, I promise, so can I stay?” Shane nodded at that, so Hayden continued, “It’s been weird and distant. On both our ends. I could have tried harder especially because, well, to be honest with you, I already kind of knew. I followed you to Lily’s one night and saw…well.”
The tension, thankfully, broke as Shane squeaked out, “You what?” while Ilya laughed. Immediately, Shane turned on the man and said, “You knew?”
Even while Shane was glaring at Ilya, there was a softness in his eyes. Hayden had to look away, so he focused on Ilya instead, who had a similar softness in his eyes.
Ilya shrugged. “I figure it was a conversation for you two to have.”
Shane looked to the ceiling for patience. “Jesus Christ.” He looked at his fish and started shooing everyone out of the kitchen. “Jackie, stay here and help me plate. Hayden and Ilya, go set the table. Find something you have in common while you do.”
“Bossy,” Ilya said with a smirk.
“You like it. Go,” Shane ordered.
Hayden grabbed glasses and very much tried not to think about that while Ilya gathered silverware and napkins.
The second that they left the room, Ilya turned on Hayden, “You do not deserve him.”
“Neither do you. Wow! Something we have in common!”
Ilya rolled his eyes. “Yes. Overprotective of Shane.”
Hayden smiled slightly at that. “Yes. I knew he had to have someone to look after him after his first game in the MLH. He was so nervous, he threw up in one of his skates. Then he didn’t wanna tell anyone so he skated in the vomit skate. I can not express how bad it smelled when he took it off in the room later.”
Ilya laughed heartily. “He doesn’t change. He still gags when he’s nervous.”
“He sure does,” Hayden said. “He snaps out of it quickly, though!”
Rozanov set crystal candle holders on the table that housed tall white candles. He pulled a cigarette lighter from his pocket and set to work with a soft, reminiscent smile on his face. It was disgustingly sweet. Hayden’s skin itched.
“Once he nearly burned the house down on a date. I’m never letting him near a lighter again.”
Wow. Their common ground was embarrassing Shane stories. Maybe Shane would kill them after all. Hayden hummed as he filled glasses with water from a pitcher, “I can imagine him doing that. I assume he panicked and knocked a candle over?”
Ilya smiled in the way he did when he scored an impossible goal. “Even better. He gagged while he was lighting it, making his body shake and instead lighting the tablecloth on fire. That’s why the table’s bare now,” he said, meticulously straightening forks on the napkins he set down. Hayden looked at him strangely, finding it out of character. Ilya caught him at it and shrugged. “We’re trying to be nice for guests. And Shane gets all concerned with the forks. They must be straight.”
“Well someone in this house has to be.”
“Not funny, Hayden.”
“It’s a little funny, Ilya.”
Ilya hummed non commitally at that. “He always gets mad at me for the gay jokes.”
“I think he’s generally mad at jokes.”
“No, no. He just acts like he does. Secretly, very funny.”
“He could fool me. I have maybe heard him make two jokes in all the years Ii’ve known him.”
“Yes, he’s good at that. Perhaps you need to pay more attention,” Ilya replied defensively. They fell into a comfortable silence. Soon after, Jackie and Shane emerged from the kitchen, each holding two plates of fish and mixed vegetables that were plated immaculately. Each filet rested on a swoop of sauce so perfect that it could have been on one of those cooking shows Jackie liked.
“Did we hear laughter in here?” Jackie asked as she set down her plates.
“No. Hayden does not know how to laugh,” Ilya replied.
“Oh, fuck off.”
Shane laughed lightly at that, feeling the lack of bite the words had earlier. He set down his plates and took a seat. Jackie swiftly sat across from him, leaving Ilya and Hayden forced to sit across from each other.
“We talked about getting you two a get along shirt,” Shane said. “Jackie introduced me to the concept.”
Ilya looked a bit confused, but Hayden figured the concept was somewhat self explanatory. He figured he’d provide more context. “I think we would strangle each other with the collar.”
“So, what did you two talk about?” Shane asked with the air of a man that was trying to be casual and spectacularly failing at it.
“Ah, nothing much. Sharing our favorite Shane stories.” The wicked grin Ilya sported said that that was a massive understatement.
“I don’t want to know.”
Hayden knew he would ask Ilya later. Everything about their conversation earlier told him that Ilya would tell him anything and everything.
Hayden smiled at Shane as he dug into the fish which was, admittedly, delicious.
Hayden tried to remember his manners and swallowed most of the fish before talking. “We should do couples cooking night. This is delicious.”
“Please!” Jackie laughed brightly, “That would require you to know how to cook anything that wasn’t microwave hotdogs.”
“That’s why it’s couples cooking night! You three can teach me!”
“I can teach you how to play hockey after, too,” Ilya said with a smirk.
Hayden thought about stabbing his fork into his hand but settled for flipping him off.
Shane laughed and looked happier than he had all night. Hayden hadn’t quite realized how nervous he was until the airs fell away. “We can. Maybe baking too, we’re not that good at that.”
Ilya snorted at that. “Understatement. I have never seen cookies so burnt.”
“Jackie’s great at baking! I brought brownies she made to a team outing once. I’ve never seen grown men so ravenous."
“Ah, maybe if I get good enough at baking, we can tell the team slow. Through cookies.”
Shane laughed soullessly at that. Ilya noticed he had misstepped somewhere, and smiled sheepishly at Shane. He picked up his hand and kissed the back of it softly.
Jackie squealed, “Ya’ll are so cute!” Hayden gave a brief slightly uncomfortable nod.
“Yes,” Ilya said as Shane blushed.
The rest of dinner went by with relative ease. They had a quick dessert of store bought tarts that Jackie brought (with apologies for not having time to bake that everyone waved off), and soon enough Jackie and Hayden said their goodbyes with promises to have the next dinner at their place; Ilya wanted to meet their kids. Shane had apparently mentioned them once, not realizing how much Ilya loved kids. Shane told them in despair how long Ilya had wanted to meet “Jackie Pike’s wonderful kids.” Hayden predictably protested that she didn’t make them alone as the door closed behind them.
Hauden climbed into the driver’s seat, insisting that Jackie relax, and started the car. He didn’t start moving for a second, needing to gather himself for a second. Jackie rubbed his back and assuaged his fears.
“You did a good job. I was worried there for a moment.”
“Thank you. I just want Shane to be happy and…” Hayden trailed off.
“He is.”
“He is, isn’t he,” Hayden replied with a hum. He leaned over the console for a quick peck and finally put the car in reverse.
If Shane had even a fraction of the happiness that Hayden had found with Jackie, who the fuck was Hayden to deprive him of that.