Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kou squints, feeling the ground beneath his back.

It's bright above him. Difficult to open his eyes. He hisses softly, raising a hand to try and block it out, and - and his sleeve is a different colour.

Just a moment ago, it was a soft Kamome Academy blue, cuffed neatly around his wrist, and now... now it's a solid black. There seems to be some kind of thick suit jacket on him, too, of a bright turquoise colour with soft gold accents.

He fumbles for the floor underneath him and finds it damp.

About an inch of water covers his hand up to his wrist. When he pushes himself up, the water drips off of him and leaves him dry again. Boundary water. Kou's very familiar with it.

Now that he can see his whole outfit, he notices that everything seems to have changed. He is indeed wearing a suit, a fancy one, too, with a smooth lapel and well-set collar, three gold buttons closed over his chest. There's a pair of black dress shoes on his feet, even more well fitting and snug than his own are. This isn't an outfit he recognizes. The only time Kou's ever worn a suit was to his mother's funeral, and this certainly isn't the same one.

He inhales sharply, searching the ground for his raiteijou. His bag is nowhere to be seen, and the raiteijou is missing, too, nowhere near his hands like it should be -

"It's over here, kiddo."

Kou glances up. Blinks. Blinks again, just in case his vision is lying to him.

"Shishou?" he says, in a disbelieving tone.

In front of him is a long, white table, covered in plates and dainty silverware and a floral teapot at the centre. Gold lined chairs surround it on all sides. There is no one sitting in any of these seats. Propped atop the table, however, is none other than -

"That's me," Natsuhiko grins, leaning back on his hands with a wink and lopsided smile. In his right hand, being twirled around like a baton, is Kou's raiteijou. "Been a while, hasn't it, kid?"

The relief that comes over Kou is palpable, for just a moment. But then he remembers what's just happened, what he's learned since their last meeting, what he's been through, and tenses again, frozen like a deer in the headlights.

Natsuhiko must be able to sense his discomfort, because his smile only grows and, without warning, he tosses Kou's raiteijou across the room to meet him. Thankfully, Kou manages to catch it with barely a fumble, and clings to the handle tight with both hands, putting himself into a defensive position and preparing for potential combat.

At this, Natsuhiko laughs and leaps off the table. His uniform shoes splash into the water on the floor. "Easy, kiddo," he says in a light, careless tone, before he saunters around the table and pulls out a chair, gesturing towards it with a twirl of his fingers. "Have a seat, will you? It's been a while since I've seen my junior, it'll be good to catch up, won't it?"

Kou breathes in and out, waiting for the trick.

Now that he's standing, he can see the entire room. It's overwhelmingly pink, grand windows leading out to nowhere at all framed by thick, heavy curtains on the walls, grand arches carved in great detail lining the walls. Mirrors cover them, too, all in matching gold frames and complementing each other's placements nicely. There's a few plants scattered here and there in coloured pots. Behind Natsuhiko is a large spiral staircase. Even if Kou cranes his neck, he can't see the end of it or where it leads. It looks as though it could go upwards forever.

"Magnificent, isn't it?" he hears Natsuhiko say in a dreamy tone. The older boy, too, is staring upwards, a soft look on his face. "All my lady's doing. She has quite the knack for interior design."

Kou has questions, so many questions, but the one that is brought to the forefront of his mind by that statement is the one that leaves his lips first. "...Your lady?"

"Oh, yes, my lady," Natsuhiko says, lowering his gaze to meet Kou's. "Maybe you haven't met - in fact, I can't imagine you have. This is her boundary. Do you like it?"

My lady - her boundary - Kou can only think of one thing that makes sense, and it puts him on edge straight away. "Shishou, your lady... is Tsukasa's assistant, Nanamine, isn't she?"

Natsuhiko looks moderately surprised, as if he hadn't thought of that. "Why, yes, I suppose she is."

Instantly, without a second thought, Kou raises his raiteijou and points it directly at Natsuhiko's face.

Unfortunately, this only serves to make Natsuhiko laugh. "Oh, ahaha! I'm sorry, kiddo, that thing won't harm a hair on my head. Besides, if it helps you relax, my lady isn't here. I came here entirely on my own."

Kou doesn't waver. His arm is starting to ache from holding it up for so long, the wound in his side straining. "This is her boundary, you said," he manages to get out firmly. "How is it possible that you could be here without her? Does she know you've brought me here?"

"Ah, not at all, sport!" Natsuhiko grins. He leans his elbows on the back of the chair he pulled out for Kou, relaxed as ever despite the supernatural-ending weapon aimed at him that he'd said he didn't believe would harm him. Blatantly untrue, of course. Its purpose is killing supernaturals. "I'm allowed to use both my lady's boundary and her master's tsueshiro at will, whenever I need them."

"Tsue-" Kou starts, but then something black whizzes past him. The paper crane. Natsuhiko holds out a hand and the thing lands in his palm, sparks flying as it shifts and turns into - a spirit orb. It's identical to the ones that Hanako uses, although this one is black with a red pupil at the centre. Kou's chest burns as he remembers where he's seen it before. Remembers Mitsuba, broken and distorted, a boy with a mop of black hair and a sharp-toothed grin gesturing towards him proudly like he was expecting praise for his destruction.

"Good job," Natsuhiko coos, as Kou pants, vision going spotty. "Good job, 'lil guy, didn't you do such a good job in leading him here?"

"Those -" Kou starts. Heaves, breaths coming unevenly. "Those are - that thing is - belongs to - to -"

Natsuhiko eyes him up, and then straightens with a sigh. "Come on and sit down, won't you, kiddo?" he says in a gentle, sympathetic tone. "You don't look well and I don't wanna deal with the consequences if you pass out or die in here. Come on, come sit. Apologies for the outfit, too, my lady loves to dress up her visitors in bright colours to match the decor."

Kou shivers, and before he knows it, his feet are taking him across the tiled floor to the table and he's sinking into the seat Natsuhiko offered.

"Fantastic," Natsuhiko says cheerfully, and waltzes around the table to pull out the chair opposite him and flop down unceremoniously, legs spread and arms landing on the armrests.

It's silent in here. Overwhelmingly silent. It smells like tea leaves, somewhat, and Kou gets the realization that this reminds him of Mitsuba's boundary, pink and cute and aesthetically pleasing as it is. It doesn't make him feel any more at ease. In fact, he only becomes more tense, staring up at one of the many mirrors on the wall and silently begging Mitsuba for help.

"Oh, Mitsuba can't see in here," Natsuhiko says, as if reading his mind. He grins, tossing his hair out of his face. "His abilities don't stretch to other boundaries. That's why I took you in here, so we could really, properly talk with no one else around to overhear, mano a mano. You know?"

No, he doesn't. Kou's never heard that phrase before, and doesn't know what Natsuhiko wants from him. The supernatural seems to read his silence as an agreement, because he promptly leans forward, dark eyes glittering under an invisible overhead light.

"You're quieter than when we last spoke," he says with an amused smirk. "Something on your mind?"

Kou lets out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, you kidnapped me," he says, fists tense under the table. He doesn't let go of his raiteijou. "I - I have friends waiting for me. They'll wonder where I've gone."

"Don't worry a bit about that," Natsuhiko says easily. He reaches out across the table to grab - a cookie, since when was there food on the plates in front of them? Crumbs spew from his lips as he talks while chewing it. "Time passes differently here. They shouldn't notice you're gone."

Kou licks his suddenly very dry lips.

"Where did you go?" he asks hoarsely, suddenly eager for information. "After - after Number Six?"

Natsuhiko tilts his head. "Why, don't you concern yourself with that either, kiddo. I got outta there just as safely as you guys did, of course. Care for a sweet treat? They're a delicacy, made especially by my lady."

The smell of chocolate, pecan and spices fills the air. Kou inhales it, stomach suddenly rumbling, but he presses his arm into it to muffle the sound. Natsuhiko still laughs, though. It's too silent in here not to hear.

"I don't want any," Kou forces himself to say. He blinks and drags his eyes back up to Natsuhiko's. "You - saved our lives, back there. But you're working with Tsukasa."

At this, Natsuhiko lets out a disapproving hum, waggling his finger. "Not even close," he says, taking another bite of his cookie. "I work for my lady, and my lady alone."

Kou wonders why he calls her "my lady." It brings to mind an image of an old fashioned knight, brandishing a sword to protect a swooning princess. In trying to picture what this Nanamine character looks like, he comes up with a mental image of Nene, but with an evil grin and wearing one of those poofy dresses and conical hats that Tiara sometimes wears when she's playing pretend. Yeah, that's probably not correct.

"What do you want from me?" Kou asks. His stomach rolls, pain from his sides spiking nausea. "I don't - I don't have anything to give you as repayment."

"Ah - Repayment?" Natsuhiko repeats scandalously, dropping his cookie onto his plate. "Why, kid, I don't need any such thing! You and Mitsuba saved me from that rouge supernatural that was chewing me up the night of the sleepover. My saving you was nothing more than payback for that."

Kou doesn't know if he should believe that. He wavers, uncertain. It wouldn't be that weird, would it? All he'd wanted to do was repay a favour.

"I simply want to catch up," Natsuhiko tells him seriously. He tips his head again, flashing white teeth. "How have you been, kid? I know our first conversation got unfortunately interrupted, and it's been so long that I'd love to know how you're doing."

Then he laughs, swiping crumbs off his lips. "Not that Mitsuba doesn't already keep me well updated. That kid never shuts up about you."

Now this is fascinating information. Kou practically feels his ears perk up. "He doesn't?" he says, almost comically enthusiastic. He tries to tone it down and relaxes, supervising the teapot in the middle of the table. "I mean, uh, he... he doesn't?"

Natsuhiko shakes his head, lips curled. "Not at all. I'm sure his feelings for you are an infinite well that he'd never finish pulling things out of."

The way in which he says this suggests that Kou may have been incorrect in his original assumptions. "I'm sure you've heard a lot of bad things about me, then," he says, and reaches up to tap his earring, which is thankfully still attached to his ear. "Especially about this thing."

"Oh boy, have I," Natsuhiko jokes, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "I wouldn't listen to him, it's an adorable accessory. Bet it's got a lot of sentimental meaning behind it, too, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," Kou confirms, a smile raising the corners of his lips. "My mom gave me it. She used to wear an omamori on a stud earring like this, too, it gave me the inspiration after she passed."

Natsuhiko frowns exaggeratedly at the final word. "I'm very sorry for your loss, kid. That's cute, though. Carrying on a tradition your mother started. Did you ever tell Mitsuba about that?"

Kou laughs. "I did. He felt super bad for always making fun of it, and then he got all embarrassed about feeling bad. Seriously, that guy's got the emotional intelligence of a rock."

Natsuhiko throws his head back, cackling. "Oh, doesn't he just! He throws fits sometimes, just gets so mad about things I don't understand at all. Him and the runt, ohh, how they fight. It's like watching cats go at it. Don't get involved unless you want a bony claw to the face, which has happened to me before. Very painful, that I can confirm!"

Kou doesn't say anything to that. On a few rare occasions, Mitsuba has come to him crying with barely an explanation, just sat and bawled his eyes out for a while as Kou stared at his phone, unable to do much of anything. Mitsuba's a crybaby, so it's not unusual to catch him blubbering over something or other, and he'd never been too overly concerned. Now, he's wondering if he had just come out of a fight with Tsukasa. Protectiveness roars up inside of him, pathetic, childish protectiveness as if Kou can actually do anything to keep Mitsuba away from that awful devil spawn of a boy.

Natsuhiko calms himself and then sighs deeply. "You've gotten yourself into a few catfights with Mitsuba, too, haven't you, kiddo?"

Kou jolts, surprised. "Uh, yeah," he says. His mind goes to the big one they'd had in Number Four's picture perfect world, the one that had ended with Kou leaping out the window in an attempt to grant Mitsuba's wish. However, Natsuhiko wasn't in that world, so he can't be referring to that. "A... couple, here and there. I mean, he's a brat, it's to be expected. Mitsuba hates everything I do if it doesn't go exactly his way."

"Mhm," Natsuhiko agrees, dragging his fingertip around the rim of his plate. "Yeah, he tends to be like that, doesn't he? Such a rude boy with such little respect for his elders. But he can be a nice kid when he feels like it. And isn't he just cute enough to excuse it anyway?"

Kou... feels like it's dangerous to answer that, so he hums noncommittally, noticing how accidentally easy he'd become with the conversation. Natsuhiko is very good at making him feel relaxed. His grip on his raiteijou has almost entirely gone slack.

He tightens it again and meets Natsuhiko's eyes. "You didn't take me here just to talk about Mitsuba, did you?"

Natsuhiko's eyes glitter brightly. "Aw, you caught me. No, I didn't."

He leans back in his seat and hums to himself, dragging his hands back through his hair. "Like I mentioned, we never got to finish that conversation we were having at the sleepover. I thought it was a bit of a shame. I mean, we were having such a good time, too."

Kou shivers as he remembers. He's had nightmares about watching Mitsuba shatter and vanish, being unable to reach him in time to so much as comfort him while he was scared, then turning around to see Natsuhiko gone, too. Being left alone with no idea what had happened. He presses his lips together and nods.

"So," Natsuhiko says nonchalantly. "Have you made any progress with any of the ideas we threw around that night?"

"Uh -" Kou doesn't know how to answer that. "Listen, shishou, I - I wasn't really - being serious about any of that. I mean, I was just - spitballing, you know? I can't actually - I couldn't actually become a supernatural. It would be a bad idea."

Natsuhiko purses his lips, making a noise of unhappiness. "That's a shame. Making yourself Mitsuba's yorishiro didn't go anywhere then, I take it?"

Kou's heart jolts painfully in his chest at the reminder. "That - that was just me being stupid, I mean - that wasn't a serious suggestion. I was more so... wondering if it was possible for that to happen. I know Mitsuba doesn't care about me enough for me to become - you know."

"Ah, well," Natsuhiko sighs, waving him off. "It can't all work out so easily, can it? Probably best not to be a yorishiro. I imagine you'd be stuck in the Hell of Mirrors, wouldn't you? Yeah, best to leave the object Mitsuba chose to do that job instead of you."

A shock of ice cold goes down Kou's back.

"What?" he whispers.

Natsuhiko raises his eyebrows, looking genuinely surprised. "You didn't hear? Mitsuba's already made himself a yorishiro. Yeah, he chose it a little while ago. Really, he didn't tell you?"

Kou's shaking his head before Natsuhiko's even finished speaking. "No - no, Mitsuba would have told me," he says loudly. His hands shake underneath the table. "He would have told me. Why wouldn't he tell me something like that?"

"I dunno, kiddo," Natsuhiko says lightly. He picks up a napkin from the table and starts folding it carefully, eyes fixed on the material. "It was a couple months ago now. I think it was around the same time as that big fight you guys had a while back, if I recall."

Kou's heart is going so fast he feels lighthearted. Mitsuba had talked about that to Natsuhiko? "I - I don't understand. Is he - was he - is he mad at me or something?"

He's just so confused. To this day, he doesn't know why Mitsuba had gotten so angry at him unprovoked during that incident a couple months ago. He'd wanted to push it from his mind entirely. Now, Natsuhiko is implying that he might have done something. Had he? It's not like he hadn't spent multiple desperate hours wracking his brain for ideas on what he could have done to deserve it. But Natsuhiko had already said - that kid never shuts up about you. If Kou had fucked up somehow, Natsuhiko seems like he'd be the one who would know.

At his question, Natsuhiko only shrugs. "I mean, I don't wanna just air out all of Mitsuba's business here. He'd probably be pretty mad if he knew I was talking to you at all. Like I said, I'm not here to make conversation about him. I'm here for you."

However, Kou can't let this go now. "If you know what I did wrong, I'd - I'd like to know," he says desperately. His chest burns with anxiety. "I don't understand why he would - hide something like that from me otherwise, so if I did something or said something - Did I?"

It's not like he'd truly expected that he would actually become Mitsuba's yorishiro. Of course there's something he cares about more than him. He doesn't even act like he likes Kou half the time. He's just... terrified at the possibility that he had upset Mitsuba without him knowing. That he'd been acting like everything was fine while Mitsuba was angry at him. It doesn't help that their last conversation ended in an argument that Kou started, either. He feels like he might throw up.

Natsuhiko just shakes his head. "It's not that important, is it, kid? You've made up now, haven't you? You and Mitsuba, the best of buds. Who cares what happened in the past?"

Kou does. Kou cares. What if Mitsuba's still secretly angry about whatever Kou had done wrong? The idea makes him sick. He cares about Mitsuba too much, far too much to let something like that go.

He feels Natsuhiko's eyes on him, and glances up to meet them. In his slender hands is a folded paper crane. It looks exactly like Tsukasa's tsueshiro when Kou had chased it here. Natsuhiko smiles and tosses it across the table, and the two of them watch it spin and flutter around before landing directly on the plate in front of Kou.

"It's kind of cute, you know?" Natsuhiko says, and Kou is confused until he continues. "A human and a supernatural being such good friends. Really heartwarming. It makes my own heart just light up with joy."

"I guess," Kou mumbles. He fiddles with the bands on his raiteijou. "I don't know if Mitsuba thinks of it that way."

"Ah?" Natsuhiko questions. "How so?"

An idea forms in Kou's mind. He and Mitsuba have known each other for a long time now. It wasn't until what was technically their second ever meeting, in Number Four's painted world, that Kou had made a promise to Mitsuba that he hadn't really thought at the time about how he was going to keep. I'll make your wish come true in the real world.

And then, Mitsuba's response to that bold proclamation: You better take responsibility and do what you said you would!

"I think," Kou says, voice small as he puts the pieces together. "I think... is Mitsuba angry because I can't grant his wish?"

Natsuhiko stares at him. His expression is weirdly difficult to read after how expressive he's been this whole time.

"I couldn't tell you," he says after a long, long moment. "But I think I understand. You promised Mitsuba that you'd grant his wish for real since all the runt could do was give him fake happiness, right?"

Kou nods, relieved that he understands. "Yes, exactly! In order to get Mitsuba to leave Number Four's world, I promised him I would make him human. I - I promised, and I haven't gotten even slightly closer to actually granting his wish at all, so if he's angry at me because of that, I - I mean, I'd understand. If I hadn't made him leave, he could still be... at least pretending to be human, with people who liked him, in a world where he wasn't in pain and could go wherever he wanted. I just made him come back here where he only suffers. It's even worse after the Severance, too. I couldn't blame him for being upset, if that's... what I did."

It's starting to make more sense in his head. Some of the things Mitsuba had said to him that day come back to him. Kou, I'm sick of you. You're pathetic. You think yourself so cool, don't you, waving your stupid staff around like a little kid even you can't do anything with it.

It's not like he'd been entirely wrong, no matter how cruelly he'd said it.

Now that he thinks about it, he can maybe even pinpoint the moment that he fucked up. First of all, he'd asked Mitsuba out to the cinema and Mitsuba had laughed at the very idea that it could be construed as a date. Second of all, once they were there, he'd asked Mitsuba the stupid question of how much popcorn do you think you're going to eat? He'd overthought it a ridiculous amount afterwards, kicking himself for such idiotic wording. It never would have mattered to Mitsuba how much popcorn he had when eating it wouldn't have satisfied his hunger anyway. Had Kou been doing nothing but reminding him of how inhuman he was?

His heart plummets as he comes to this understanding. After all the time he spent being angry at the way Mitsuba had treated him when he'd snapped at him that day, it turns out he might really have deserved it.

Had he? Was this all his own fault?

"I can hear you overthinking from here, kiddo," Natsuhiko pipes up. When Kou looks over at him, he sees he's sat up straight, hands folded on the table. "What I will say is that I'm sure Mitsuba understands, and probably did understand in the moment you promised it to him, that you couldn't really make him human. You're not a wish-granter like the runt, and even he can't make Mitsuba human the way he wants to be. It's not just because you're weak. Most people wouldn't be able to. It's a very difficult process, to turn a supernatural anywhere close to being human."

"But I promised," Kou blurts, lips quivering. "I'd be upset too, if someone promised me something that they couldn't ever give me! He - he acted like he believed in me, and I've done nothing but let him down!"

He can't believe it's taken him so long to realize. He feels like the worst person on the planet.

Why had Kou made that promise to Mitsuba, anyway? He'd just assumed it was possible, assumed he would be powerful enough to do it. He'd wanted to be powerful enough to do it. Kou is nothing if he isn't useful, if he isn't providing, if he isn't making people happy. Giving Mitsuba that little bit of hope in that moment had been so worth it, at the time.

He looks at Natsuhiko with large eyes, and sees the older boy sigh and lean forward like he has something important to say.

"Do you remember, kid," he tells him in a low tone, "what I told you at the school sleepover?"

Kou bobs his head slowly. "Y-yeah," he replies. "How a human can become a supernatural."

A smile spreads across Natsuhiko's face, as more confusion fills Kou's mind.

"What if I told you," he continues. "That there's a way you could grant Mitsuba's wish through that?"

Kou pauses. Breaths stuttering short in his chest.

"I've - done so much research already," he admits, shrinking in his chair. "I can't find a way that it's possible. But you - really know something?"

"Sure do, kiddo," Natsuhiko tells him, and with one swift motion, grabs a muffin from the table and takes a large bite. "I mean, didn't you wonder at all why I didn't disappear during the Severance?"

"What?" Kou says. "I thought you did. You weren't there when I looked."

"Ah, I know," Natsuhiko laments, kitten licking the tips of his fingers. "I knew I was gonna be real busy, so I couldn't stick around. But I didn't disappear."

That can't be true. Natsuhiko smells like a supernatural. He gives off the aura of one that Kou's been taught to recognize since he was young. Still - he has noticed that Natsuhiko's is weaker. He's not the same as Mitsuba or Hanako are. If Kou didn't know beforehand, he'd probably be able to pass for human.

"So..." he says, breathing slow. "What are you?"

Natsuhiko smiles crookedly. "What a good question," he drawls. "What I am is almost entirely human. Surprise! Bet you didn't expect that, huh?"

Kou shakes his head, heart rate picking up. "You - are you serious?"

"Serious at they come," Natsuhiko promises.

This is a revelation Kou wasn't prepared for. Now, he has a very important question. "Were you - were you a supernatural who was made into a human, then?"

"Oh, not exactly," Natsuhiko chuckles. Crumbs fall from his lips, voice muffled through the food in his mouth. "Quite the other way around. However, although I may not have been a supernatural turned human, I happen to know of somebody else who's something very close."

"Very close?" Kou questions. He's so confused and so on edge it's insane. "What does that mean? Can I turn Mitsuba human or not?"

Natsuhiko stares him down, suddenly more serious despite the way his lips are still upturned. "I will say this," he confesses. "I don't possess a way to turn a full supernatural into a full human."

Disappointment sinks into Kou's stomach. "Then -"

The older boy cuts him off before he can finish. "However," he continues. "I know of a way that you can bring a supernatural that much closer to living an entirely normal life."

Kou's chest tightens. "A normal life," he repeats. "Like... he'd be able to be seen by other people. He'd be solid. He could go anywhere he wanted without restriction. He could eat food, and he wouldn't be hungry all the time, and - and he could -"

He could grow up with me, comes to his mind. We could stay together forever.

"Exactly," Natsuhiko tells him. He beams, spreading out his hands and leaning further back in his seat. "Doesn't it sound amazing?"

It does. Too amazing, far too amazing. Kou's breath stutters as he tries to word his next question, terrified of the answer he'll receive.

"It does," he admits, staring at the steaming teapot in the centre of the table. "So what's the cost?"

Natsuhiko is silent. When Kou works up the courage to meet his eyes again, he finds the boy looks - almost sad, his smile bitter.

"You're a clever boy, kiddo," he says. "The price... will be rather hefty."

Kou licks his suddenly too-dry lips. "I have money," he blurts, suddenly desperate. "I have - I can give you anything."

Natsuhiko lets out a light laugh. "Oh, kid, it's not a price that you'll be paying to me," he says. "No, not at all. In order to bend the rules of the universe in this way, you have to pay a price to God."

A price to God...?

"Well, what is it?" Kou demands. He hates the suspense, just wants to get this over with. "Tell me. I'll do anything."

Natsuhiko stares at him for a moment longer. Then he places his hands on the edge of the table and, with barely any effort, spins the whole thing around, startling Kou into yelping loudly and nearly falling off of his seat. Once the table is settled again, there's a silver dish sat directly in front of him. It has a round lid over it, blocking its contents from Kou's view.

Without a word, Natsuhiko reaches over the table and pulls the lid off to display what's inside.

It's an oozing, bleeding heart. It's still moving, still beating, like it's somehow still a part of something that's alive. Dark flames lick the surface of it, cementing its status as a supernatural heart. The thing has been cut into six equal pieces. They drip bloody goop onto the tray, hot and disgusting, the smell overwhelmingly meaty and raw.

Kou's breathing picks up, one hand coming up to slap over his mouth and nose. "I don't understand," he moans, even though he thinks he may, just a little. "This is - Do I have to e-eat this?"

Natsuhiko grimaces, sitting back down in his seat. "Some of it," he tells him, curling his lips sympathetically. "Half, to be precise."

Kou stares at it with revulsion, shivers going down his back.

"I take it you understand now," Natsuhiko says. "What you would have to give up to make Mitsuba something close to human."

Kou doesn't answer. He can't. He's thinking about Teru and Tiara, about his dad, about his mom, about Nene and Hanako, about Satou and Yokoo. About school. About his life. About everything that he has to lose.

"It's not so bad, usually," Natsuhiko says. He spots a jam tart on the table and licks the crimson cherry in the centre, clearing it of flavour. "Of course, these kinds of things have risks. It could fail. It could turn you too quickly for your body to handle it. It could straight up kill you if your blood isn't compatible. At the end of the day, it's for you to decide if it's worth it, kid. All I'm here to do is give you the option. Got any questions?"

Of course he does. Infinite questions. He feels nauseous.

"What's the likelihood that it doesn't work?" he asks. The palm of the hand that's squeezing his raiteijou is growing sweaty. "And what happens if it doesn't?"

"Well, from what I understand, if it doesn't work, you'll stay the same," Natsuhiko confirms. "And so will Mitsuba. No harm done. As for the likelihood - I have no idea. But you have Minamoto blood in your veins. You should be much more susceptible to being able to absorb supernatural things than other people would."

Kou shakes, suddenly cold. "What... exactly will it do to me?"

At this, Natsuhiko offers a sympathetic smile. "I can't confirm that either. I mean, I have supernatural blood. My body makeup is that of a supernaturals. And yet, I can pass as a human. Even a trained exorcist might struggle to pick me out of a lineup if they didn't already know. Unfortunately, I can't promise with a hundred percent certainty that the same would be for you."

Makes sense. Kou watches as Natsuhiko shovels bites of tart into his mouth.

"Is this," he asks, "what you did, to become what you are?"

Natsuhiko licks his fingers, bobbing his head. "Sure is, kiddo. With a few extra steps along the way."

Kou wants to ask about those extra steps, but the fact that Natsuhiko hadn't elaborated in the first place gives him the idea that he probably won't if he does. Besides, it's unimportant, really. Kou only has one more question for now.

"...Will it hurt?" he asks softly. His throat is so, so dry.

Natsuhiko lets out a sigh. "...Yeah. A little, a lot, who knows exactly. It won't be all at once, of course. Even for an exorcist of your standing, eating the whole thing at once would be too much. There's six pieces for a reason, which I unfortunately didn't have the luxury of when I did this same thing. This should hopefully make it hurt less. Make the process easier on both your bodies, if it works."

There's a very long silence. The heart beats on the plate before him, thumping, thumping, thumping against the silver.

"If it works?" Kou repeats in a low tone. Frustration bubbles up underneath his skin. "This barely makes any sense. You're saying I could be risking everything for nothing at all?"

"I sure am," Natsuhiko replies assuredly. "Is Mitsuba worth that much to you?"

There's another pause, in which Kou closes his eyes, mind whirring.

"If you need time to think," Natsuhiko pipes up again. "I can give you my number, and you can come back to me when you're certain about what you want to do. However, I will say this one last thing. Those injuries you have aren't going to wait forever."

Kou jolts back to attention, eyes growing wide. "Huh?"

Natsuhiko laughs, running his hands back through his hair. "Yeah, you know what I mean, don't you? The wounds on your sides. Supernaturally inflicted, by the smell of it. They're older, aren't they? Haven't been taken care of yet?"

Kou is more confused now than ever. "You can... smell my... injuries?"

"I have a nose for blood," Natsuhiko winks, tapping the side of his nose. "It's a pretty potent smell, too. How long ago did you get those wounds, huh? Months ago, now, if I had to guess?"

Kou nods wordlessly. "Yeah. Me and Mitsuba - there was a supernatural in a boundary outside the school, and it attacked me pretty bad. I've been looking after them, so I thought they'd just heal up, but -"

"Oh, not a chance," Natsuhiko interrupts. "Really, don't you know? An injury like that was never going to heal naturally. If I had to guess, you were infected with some of the supernatural's own blood. By now, it'll have decreased your life expectancy by a lot. I'd take a guess and say you have... a month, two months?"

Shock lights up Kou's body. "What?"

"Mhm, yeah," Natsuhiko hums. He seems entirely nonchalant about this, as if he hasn't just informed Kou of his own death sentence. "It's a shame, really, isn't it? I hate it when humans die young."

"No," Kou says. He doesn't know what else to say. "No, no, I'm - I'm not going to die. Right? I'm not going to die. I can't be about to die. It's not - it's not possible."

Natsuhiko grimaces. "Sorry..."

However, Kou's not willing to accept this. "The - the Clockkeeper, Mirai, the future one," he blurts desperately. "She pushed my time forwards and I turned several years older, I was an adult, I had learned new exorcism skills and everything. So I can't be about to die. I already know what my future is supposed to hold!"

"Ah, well that's good, then," Natsuhiko says. He grins, eyes glittering. "Must be a sign that you take me up on my offer and something goes right for you after that. I mean, you know supernaturals heal from injuries exceptionally fast, right? All injuries. In fact, it barely even matters when a supernatural gets hurt. Mitsuba falls apart all the time and gets right back up again, like the trooper he is! All that to say - if you don't want to die, you know what the right decision is."

Kou breathes, for a long, long moment, and thinks about Mitsuba. Remembers when they met in the Hell of Mirrors, when Mitsuba had cried and begged for someone to save him from the pain he was being put through. Remembers Number Four's painting, and how Mitsuba had told him no one could ever grant his wish, and had pleaded with Kou to just tell him that he should give up and stop having hope. Remembers Mitsuba asking him to exorcize him because he was tired of the horrible things his body was put through, and how obvious it was that he'd given up entirely on Kou helping him. Remembers those occasions in which Mitsuba came to him seeking comfort, to him and to no one else, as if he'd changed his mind.

If he's going to die anyway - if he's seriously going to die -

"I need some time," he says hoarsely. Honestly, it's a wonder he's still able to speak coherently. "Your offer will still be - available if I wait a bit, right?"

"Sure will, kiddo!" Natsuhiko grins. He sits right up in his chair, clapping his hands together. "I'll give you my number. Text me any time and I'll text right back, ok?"

Kou puts Natsuhiko's number in his phone, feeling like he's in a trance. The older boy nods when he's done reciting his number before leaping to his feet, clearly preparing for the conversation to be over. Kou moves slowly, sluggishly, uncertainly. The amount of information he's just been given is so overwhelming it's impossible to process all at once.

"One more thing," Natsuhiko says as he approaches Kou, which fills him with immediate dread. "If you are truly considering to take me up on my offer... I wouldn't tell your brother about those injuries of yours."

Kou furrows his brow, confused. "Why not?"

Natsuhiko shrugs. "Ah, well... say you tell him that you have a really bad supernatural injury. Then say you accept my offer, and your wounds heal. Wouldn't he be confused about how that had happened when it wasn't supposed to? Don't you think he might be suspicious? And what happens then, do you think, if he finds out?"

Kou lets out a soft, shaky breath. Natsuhiko is right.

"Yeah," he mutters. "Yeah, I get it. I won't say anything."

"Brilliant," Natsuhiko grins. He pats Kou on the shoulder, looking down at him with squint eyes. "You take care of yourself in whatever you do, ok, kiddo? And hey - if you decide you don't want anything to do with me, and you tell your brother instead... I really, genuinely do hope it all works out for you."

It sounds like he means it. After all the stress he's been through in the last hour, it's nearly enough to make him tear up.

Kou sniffles and nods. "I'll do my best."

"That's the spirit," Natsuhiko tells him cheerfully, and then, without warning, Tsukasa's tsueshiro flies in front of Kou's vision and taps him on the forehead and, once more, the world falls into darkness.

Kou spends the next several hours in a trance.

Satou and Yokoo seemingly notice that something is different with Kou when he leaves, thankfully back in his normal clothes, but don't press him for details after he makes it clear he doesn't want to talk about it. They're probably left to assume that something happened in his conversation with Chihori, but Kou really couldn't care less what they think at this moment. With his own death predetermined and seemingly set in stone, and with Natsuhiko's offer hanging in front of him, he has much bigger priorities to be dealing with.

Kou has spent a lot of time thinking about death. His mother's, specifically, but also Teru's. His father's. His own. The family line of business is so risky and dangerous, and any one night that Teru slips out in his white uniform with his sword on his hip and a casual goodbye on his lips could be the last time Kou ever sees him. He hadn't known when he woke up one morning at eight years old to Teru preparing him for school with shaking hands and red eyes that his mother was never coming home again, either. How was he supposed to? Death isn't fair. It doesn't give any warning.

Even now, seven years later, it still doesn't feel entirely real that his mother is dead. She was just - there one minute, and gone the next. How is it possible for a person so lively to be put into a rectangular box and lowered into the ground? Kou had struggled so hard to understand it as a little kid. Teru and their father had tried their best to explain it. It had meant so little to him then.

The idea that one day, Teru could die in battle and Kou would wake up the next morning to two completely empty bedrooms in a house where five people are meant to live is nauseating real. It could happen at any moment. He's always known this could be the case.

Likewise, he's had nightmares about receiving a call telling him that their father had passed and he was now a child orphan, not one of the kids he left behind old enough to legally take care of the others.

Of course, Kou's thought about his own death as well.

Not necessarily falling in battle. A few times, maybe, especially during the fight with Number Six in the boundary between the Near and Far shore, when Teru had been bleeding out in the water and he had the terror of Tiara having no one to look after her at the forefront of his mind. Mostly, however, Kou's musings about the possibility of himself dying have been under other circumstances.

Hypothetical. All hypothetical. Like he'd promised to Mitsuba, Kou is not going to kill himself. That doesn't prevent him from thinking about it. From longing to reach wherever his mother went.

When an exorcist in the Minamoto family line dies, a ritual is performed by a priest to make sure they pass on safely and don't linger on the Near Shore any more than they have to. There are no traces left of Kou's mother here for him to cling to. Nothing more than the photographs that Teru packed up and shoved into their parents room, bowls of dusty, untouched jewelry and a bottle of perfume in the bottom drawer of her dressing table, less than a quarter of the liquid left, her signature scent still spilling out of the nozzle weakly.

If Kou died, would he go wherever his mother went? Could he possibly ever see her again?

The possibility is tantalizing. Yet, not tantalizing enough that Kou would ever seek death just to throw himself into the arms of the only family member who ever truly understood him again.

Kou doesn't want to die.

He has so much to live for. Watching cartoons with Tiara and Teru while they eat late snacks on the couch, and Teru has to carry her up to her room after she falls asleep. Cramming last minute homework sessions with Satou and Yokoo in unused classrooms during breaktime periods, giggling and conversing with each other while playing music on low so all three of them can hear it. Getting distracted cleaning with Nene and Hanako and ending up going off on tangents about nothing at all when Hanako asks an innocent question that Kou and Nene absolutely have to explain the answer to. Knocking on the glass in the hallway at school and seeing a pink haired supernatural peer back at him with slight surprise before smiling and sticking out his tongue, leaving Kou with his heart racing.

Exorcism training with Teru. Making dinner with music playing in his ears. Watching a new movie in the cinema with his friends. Trying something new from a food stall he's never seen before. Walks on cold nights when he can see his breath in the air. Passing notes in class and hiding laughs behind the palm of his hand. His baby sister's cheers when he comes up with a fantastic new twist for her games. No, Kou does not want to die. Kou wants to live until he's ninety, watch Tiara grow up and fall in love, maybe get married himself one day if it's ever recognized in his country, and never regret anything.

Amongst all of this, there is one person he wants to be there with him. Right now, Kou can't imagine a future without him. Doesn't want to, either. Mitsuba became important to him so incredibly fast, and Kou doesn't care to think about what it means that the idea of being unable to spend the rest of his life without him being there in some capacity causes his heart to ache.

If there is any possibility for his wish to become a reality, Kou wants to take it. However, before he does, he has one person whose opinion he thinks he should ask.

It's Saturday. Kou is not supposed to be in school. That much is obvious. This morning, though, he had told Teru he was going to run a few errands and would be back in a couple hours, which Teru had been alright with given that he'd already promised the whole day to Tiara so he could catch up on her games. Kou is actually planning to get some things done, to be fair. Right before he'd come here, he'd stopped off at the local locksmith and asked them to make a duplicate housekey for Teru. He's going to pick it up on the way back. Teru better be grateful for all he does for him.

He's done this enough times that it's basically second nature. He simply climbs the back wall, slips through the unlocked door and finds himself in the hallway near the PE department.

Any reflective surface in the school is within Mitsuba's jurisdiction, but he still finds himself heading for the nearest place that he knows has a mirror, which just so happens to be the changing rooms where he'd met with Mitsuba the other day. He goes straight to the full length mirror on the wall and stands in front of it. His heart is racing a mile a minute.

He knocks, and waits to see whether Mitsuba answers.

It wouldn't be a shocker if he didn't. Mitsuba's been known to sulk over the most childish of things, and in this instance, Kou really did do something bad. To his surprise, however, it only takes a moment for his reflection to distort and for someone else to appear on the other side of the glass, staring back at him.

Mitsuba's dressed in a droopy pink cardigan and cream coloured jeans, hair tied up in a white bow and a pinched, sullen expression on his face. He probably already knew Kou was coming before he even knocked - he does usually tend to know what's going on within the walls of the school, and when there aren't any students, that's basically nothing at all. Internally, Kou winces, but outwardly smiles and holds out his hands, showing off the bag of strawberry pocky and the boba tea that he'd procured on the way here just for this moment.

He watches as Mitsuba's sour expression softens, and then he reaches through the glass to try and snatch the items from Kou's hands.

Luckily, Kou has good reflexes. "Hey!" he yelps, pulling away just in time. "These are a peace offering! Let me in and you can have them!"

From the other side of the glass, Mitsuba pouts, retracting his arms and crossing them over his chest. "Why would I do that?" he grumbles. "So you can yell at me some more?"

Kou grimaces. "Look, I'm sorry. I came here to apologize. Can you just let me in? You can have your snacks and get to listen to me grovel at the same time."

There's a pause, and then Mitsuba sighs and steps aside to give Kou space to enter.

He does so, and finds himself in a room full of books. It looks like a rather barren library, the walls lined with shelves and a large table in the centre of the darkwood floor where several open books are sat, feathers holding the pages in place. One book is closed, and Kou can vaguely make out the title as being The Dancing Girl by Mori Ougai. The light on the ceiling is soft and orange. It smells very strongly of glue and cedar sawdust.

"You don't actually need to grovel, as funny as I think that would be," he hears Mitsuba mutter, and Kou remembers what he's here for as his head snaps around to look at him. The supernatural is already wandering back through the shelves, trailing his hands along the spines of the books without care for whether Kou is following. "I've been worse to you in the past. I'd be kind of a hypocrite if I made you sit and apologize to me for one little thing."

"I - I know," Kou says, shifting uncomfortably on the spot. "But I still feel like I need to actually say it."

"Ok," Mitsuba replies, without even the slightest moment of hesitation. "Get to groveling then."

Kou blinks. "That - was an awfully sudden switch up."

Mitsuba turns, eyes sparkling, and smirks. "I was trying to do the good person thing and let you off the hook, but since you want to apologize anyway, I really do actually want to hear you beg for my forgiveness."

Kou drops his shoulders and sighs. Yeah, he shouldn't be surprised about that.

"What is this place?" he asks, before he elaborates further. He knows if he doesn't ask now, he'll probably forget to mention it.

From across the room, Mitsuba grabs a book from a shelf and hauls it over to the table next to Kou. "Library," he says, like it's obvious. "It's not one of my rooms. It belonged to the old guy. I'm looking through it, deciding if it's worth keeping. So basically, I'm still renovating. This place is kind of cool, I guess, so I'll have to see."

Kou hums, and before he can make another comment or turn around to take a look at the books Mitsuba's perusing, the supernatural storms over and plucks the snacks from his hands easily.

He examines the box of pocky as he takes a long sip of the boba. "You got the good kind," he comments, nodding in approval as he leans across the table on his elbows to eat. "And the good mango boba too, no ice, a hundred percent sugar with the extra pearls. You really are grovelling."

"Well, yeah," Kou admits, fidgeting with the band on his wrist. "I wasn't myself the other day, but even that doesn't excuse how I spoke to you after I barged in here without any warning and you were still nice enough to let me stay. You were right, and I was mad at myself, not you. I really am sorry that I shouted at you like that. You didn't deserve it."

Mitsuba sucks the straw loudly, staring at him with big, raspberry eyes. Kou swallows and continues. "I mean, I really should have remembered how terrible your sense of time is, due to being a supernatural and all. You literally talk about it all the time. If I was being a little smarter, I at least would have set an alarm on my own phone. I shouldn't have relied only on you and then gotten mad when it didn't work out."

Plastic rustles as Mitsuba tears open the pocky, removing three at a time to nibble at the ends.

"Are you even listening to me?" Kou finishes, exasperated.

"Yuh huh," Mitsuba confirms. There's a smile in his voice. "Anything else?"

Kou narrows his eyes, frowning. "I hate you."

"That's not nice," Mitsuba tells him seriously. "I think you need to apologize again."

He snickers at his own joke, and then stands up straight and gestures for Kou to follow him to the door. "Come on," he says, not glancing behind. "I'm not gonna be able to focus on my work with you around, so we might as well go somewhere else."

The way he says this sounds rather insulting. However, Kou still feels a smile build up on his face at the sound of it as he follows after Mitsuba into the depths of his boundary.

"Where are we going?" he asks. The Hell of Mirrors has a tendency to change which rooms are located where at will, so Kou never knows where anything is no matter how many times he's been here. He also never gets used to the sheer drop he can see from the thin balconies they walk along, smooth railings preventing him from toppling over. He swallows and looks away. "Anywhere in particular?"

"I dunno," Mitsuba says absently. He flicks a few pieces of glass around that float in the air in front of him - probably selecting rooms to draft, if Kou has his mannerisms down. "I didn't have any other goals today besides sorting out the library. You've kind of fucked over my entire schedule."

"Worth it for boba, though?" Kou asks, knowing the answer.

Despite being unable to see his face, Kou can tell Mitsuba's rolling his eyes. "Sure."

One of the walls nearby groans, stone sliding against stone as a door slides into place, and Mitsuba swings it open loudly to let them inside. Despite how large and dramatic the door looks, it only leads to what looks like a simple living room, with an open square of comfortable couches and armchairs in front of a roaring fireplace, stone walls covered in mirrors, clocks and a few scattered eyeballs, knickknacks decorating the few lone shelves. Mitsuba hops over the back of the nearest couch and flops across the entire thing, crossing his legs at the ankle over the armrest and closing his eyes as he rests his head on a cushion.

Kou walks around through a gap and sits down like a normal person on the couch closest to the fire, slumping back into the seat with his bag on his legs. Mitsuba doesn't pay him any mind. He's munching through his pocky pieces at a time - he'll almost certainly be done within several minutes, and will then complain about not having any more.

Kou hesitates, then decides to initiate conversation when it becomes clear that Mitsuba's not going to. "So," he says slowly. "How have you, uh, been?"

The look Mitsuba shoots him when he opens his eyes is withering.

"How dare you try to make small talk with me," he says in a disgusted tone. "What the hell's your problem? Did you forget how to be normal?"

"Small talk is normal," Kou reminds him, somewhat embarrassed and somewhat amused. "I was just, uh... you weren't saying anything, and I just felt like I had to ask."

Mitsuba snorts, but lets him away with it. "I'm fine," he drawls, swirling the tapioca around in his cup. "I was mad at you for a while, but then I got bored of being mad at you and decided to be productive with my time instead. Because you're not worth my time, Kou, hear that? You aren't even worth the space you take up in my head..."

"Oh, and how much space is that?" Kou grins. He can't help himself, and it's worth the cushion that goes flying at his head. "Must be lots. I know I'm your favourite and everything."

"Favourite person to make fun of, if anything," Mitsuba mutters scathingly. He sits up slightly so he can sip his tea. "Ugly earring boy."

Kou laughs softly, and then silence falls again. Mitsuba seems to be ok with it, if anything. Kou isn't. Kou came here for more than one reason today.

"You don't seem super busy," he comments. "What do you even do during the day when there aren't any students around?"

He sees Mitsuba blink as if taken aback, but he doesn't question Kou asking. "I mean, like I said, I've been redecorating," he says. "Making new rooms, getting rid of old ones, making it feel more homely in here. It's harder than it looks, you know. I'm sure it's easier for all the other Mysteries, they've all had all the time in the world to figure it out and I've got no one to teach me."

The way he says this - I've got no one to teach me, in that sarcastic yet somewhat quietly disappointed tone of his, makes Kou's chest tight. It also brings him around perfectly to his next question, the one he came here to get the answer to.

"Does it get lonely?" he asks.

Mitsuba blinks. He swings his legs off of the couch, sitting up and staring at Kou with eyes like moons. Behind him, goopy coloured eyes open and close on the wall lazily, a solid reminder that the place they're in is anything but ordinary.

"What?" Mitsuba asks. He sounds - somewhat confused by the question. "That's - a bit random. I mean, what kind of question is that?"

"Sorry," Kou says quickly. His hands tense up, and he folds them in his lap. "I was just... I just wanted to know, I guess."

Mitsuba glances away, in the direction of the fire. "I mean... yeah, Kou, it gets lonely. Lonely and really fucking boring, too. You spend all day at school with your friends and then get to go home to your family who loves you. I don't - have either of those things."

"What about the other Mysteries?' Kou asks, before he can stop himself. Suddenly desperate to know. "Don't you talk to some of them sometimes?"

Mitsuba screws up his face, clearly uncomfortable. "I - occasionally see Number Two and Number Five, but they want nothing to do with me, and I certainly want nothing to do with Honourable Number Seven. None of the other Mysteries are ever around. It's pretty dead around here without any students, you know. There's pretty much nothing to do but... wait until you all come back."

Kou thinks about every day that he's watched the clock, desperate to go home and relax while he cooks or cleans, and then thinks about Mitsuba, also watching the clock at the same time. Helplessly watching the seconds slip away, knowing that he'll be entirely alone again once everyone is gone. Is that really what life is for Mitsuba? Is that what life is for all supernaturals?

"Well, you're... you've hung out with Nene before, right?" he says. He knows this for a fact, at least - remembers Mitsuba bragging about going on a date with her, which he'd been fairly certain at the time was bullshit but was still irritated by the implications of it. "She's pretty cool, and I know she likes you. You're kind of friends with her, right?"

"Uh..." Mitsuba says. He reaches up to twirl his hair around his finger anxiously. "I... I don't know if she'd see me that way. Like, we've barely ever spoken, and whenever she's around she's pretty much always drooling over Honourable Number Seven, so... we're not really friends, I don't think. She's alright, I guess."

A picture is being painted for Kou, one he doesn't like one bit at all.

"So you're saying..." he starts, and hesitates, and starts again. "You're saying you don't... really have any other friends at all apart from me."

It's quiet for a moment. Mitsuba looks kind of like Kou's just punched him in the stomach.

"Are you just - trying to make fun of me?" he says angrily. The hurt in his voice is obvious. "Pretty bold of you to come here to apologize for being a dick just to immediately start pissing me off again."

"I'm not, really, I promise," Kou tells him, even though he knows it's definitely coming across that way. "I was just - I mean, I'm curious about - what it's like for you - here. In the school. What sort of stuff you do when people aren't here. That's all."

Mitsuba pinches his lips, casting his gaze away from Kou. "Pervert, wanting to know what I do when I'm alone," he spits, although it's half hearted, if anything. "Nosy, perverted earring boy."

Kou doesn't say anything for a moment, fumbling for a response and finding none until Mitsuba huffs and speaks again.

"It's lonely, and it's boring, and it's too quiet all the time," he says. From this angle, Kou can't see his face anymore. "I don't have a lot to actually do. Nobody gives me instructions apart from Tsukasa, sometimes. I spend most of my time here, watching kids go to class, pretending I'm doing homework or something when I'm not. Nobody expects anything of me. I don't have places to go or people to talk to. It's just me, by myself, talking to myself and - and waiting for something interesting to happen. Obviously it's lonely, Kou. What a stupid question to ask me."

Kou's heart pangs at the shaky tone of Mitsuba's voice. He can't even imagine. Can't even slightly imagine. At the very least, even when Kou was younger and didn't have any friends, people could still see him. People could still talk to him. He still had a family to go home to at the end of the day.

"...Do you think that would change if you were human?"

Mitsuba turns his head sharply to look at him. Kou stares back, not backing down even under Mitsuba's hot, disbelieving gaze. He knows how ridiculous it is to even ask this. Still, he has to know for sure what Mitsuba thinks.

"...No shit, Kou," Mitsuba says slowly, lips curled. "How is that even a question?"

Kou opens his mouth to say something, but Mitsuba continues before he can reply. "If I were human, people could see me. I could go to school here. I've learned enough through watching classes to get by, so I'd be able to start in the same year as you, I'm sure. I could join clubs and make a ton of friends. I'd have people to - hang out with after school, and I'd have homework to do and human things to take care of like a regular person, and I'd... I'd probably have somewhere to go, if I were human, somewhere to call home, I guess. So I'd go there at the end of the day, wherever that is, and people could come there with me and we could watch movies and study together and do whatever humans do. I could close my eyes and sleep and time would pass, and then I'd wake up and I'd - eat food and shower like people do, and go to school again, and I'd have purpose, I'd be able to do things just like everybody else, and I wouldn't be by myself anymore."

His voice slowly grows more unsteady the longer he speaks, the more he describes this painfully mundane, perfectly ideal life that he'd clearly imagined for himself so often that he can describe it easily straight away. By the end of it, he's shaking. Kou's chest grows tight just at the sight of him like this, small and unhappy, hiding his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he blurts, and without thinking, he gets to his feet and walks around the table in front of the fireplace to get to Mitsuba and sit beside him. Mitsuba turns further away resolutely, but it'd be impossible to miss the way his shoulders shake with clear sadness. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to make you cry."

"W-well, what were you trying to do, then?" Mitsuba snaps angrily, bringing a hand up to furiously scrub at his face as Kou tries to catch a glimpse of his expression. "And I'm not even crying! You're such a wimp, Kou!"

"I'm sorry," Kou repeats uselessly. He doesn't know what else to say or do. "I'm really sorry."

His mind goes back to the book he'd seen on the desk in Mitsuba's library. Now that he thinks about it, The Dancing Girl is one that Kou is currently studying in class. He hadn't paid it much mind before, but something Mitsuba had said makes him realize - he's reading it because he wants to study it with them.

That's all he wants, isn't it? To be human and lead a normal life like anyone else. It's so simple, so incredibly simple.

So Kou makes up his mind, as easily as one would decide whether to wear a waterproof coat when it was raining, and that's that.

He reaches out and touches Mitsuba's shoulder. "I was just - talking shit, not trying to upset you," he promises. "I shouldn't have asked, I really am sorry. I, uh - I brought my laptop, if you wanna watch a movie. I have one picked out already that I know you'll like."

Mitsuba sniffles loudly before slowly turning to look at Kou. His eyes are wet, the reflection of the fireplace dancing in them. He doesn't shake Kou's hand off of his shoulder, despite the way he glowers at the apology he offers.

"It better be good to make up for it," he mumbles sullenly. He wipes tears off his face with his sweater paw, cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. "I suppose I'll just accept that you're gonna be distracting me all day and I'm not gonna get anything done. What is it, then?"

Kou smiles and pushes everything else from his mind. Now that he knows what needs to be done, all that he can do is wait until he's able to put his plan in action. Comforting Mitsuba after unintentionally upsetting him is more important. Mitsuba is more important.

"Howl's Moving Castle," he says. "It's one of the most famous movies in Japan. You haven't seen it, have you?"

"I haven't," Mitsuba says curiously. He sniffles one last time and then shuffles over closer to Kou as he takes his laptop out of his bag to turn it on. "I've seen that guy though. The good looking one. One of the girls in the middle school has his face all over her bag, I heard her talking about him."

"Of course you have," Kou smirks. "Well, it's time to become educated. This is one of the best Ghibli movies, in my opinion, but I also need to show you Spirited Away. I just figured you'd like this one better because of, you know."

"Because I'm gay, right," Mitsuba deadpans. He rolls his eyes, although clearly is biting back a grin. "I'm being profiled."

"You did say he was good looking," Kou points out. "So it sounds like I was correct, wasn't I?"

It's pretty funny, actually, because Howl was Kou's first crush as a kid. He remembers his father roaring with laughter when Kou had said he liked him, thinking that Kou mistaking Howl for a woman was the funniest thing ever. When little Kou had the joke explained to him, he thought the same until he'd realized he continued having the same feelings for other boys even after he was certain of what gender they were.

He opens up the tab he had pulled up before coming here, and Mitsuba moves even slightly closer so he can see. Kou loves it when they watch movies together, if not just because Mitsuba is never closer to him than when they do. His heart's going very quickly, although not specifically for that reason.

"Are we staying in here?" he asks.

"Sure," Mitsuba sighs, stretching his arms out. "We're already here."

Then he reaches for his pocky and frowns. "It's all gone. Where did it all go? I can't have eaten it already."

Kou pinches his lips together in an attempt not to laugh and prepares to start the movie.

Me (18:22): I've made up my mind.

Natsuhiko (18:23): Fantastic!

Natsuhiko (18:24): Meet me same time, same place tomorrow and I'll tell you everything you need to know.

"Kou!" Tiara giggles. "Kou, come back into the living room, you need to take over for Barbara!"

"I know!" Kou calls back. Hes scrubbing his hands in the sink, having just finished tearing up the chicken for dinner tonight. It's in the slow cooker right now, leaving Kou with some free time. "Give me a second, ok?"

Despite him saying this, Tiara is running into the room within the next few seconds. Her eyes are wide and joyful as she rushes to Kou and throws her arms around his legs, squeezing him tightly. "I love you," she sings, rubbing her face into his back. "I love you so much, Kou!"

"I love you too," Kou says with a knowing smile as he dries his hands with the kitchen towel. "You're still not getting any of the chicken before it's cooked. You'll get sick."

"Aw, Kou," Tiara whines. She pouts at him, whimpering like a begging dog. "I'm so hungry, and I so wanted a piece of chicken!"

From behind her appears Nyoko, tail swinging wildly. She's already purring delightedly, very clearly after the same thing that Tiara is. Tiara laughs and drops into a crouch so she can scratch her behind the ears, and the cat complies, enormous eyes fixed on the source of the smell behind Kou's body.

"For goodness sake," Kou grumbles, rolling his eyes. "Tiara, you won't like the raw chicken, and it's bad for you. You can have as much as you want when it's cooked. Nyoko can have a piece, but only because she's a cat and she can eat it, ok, Tiara? Why don't you feed it to her? She'll lick your fingers."

Luckily, the possibility of getting to feed the cat is enough to make Tiara comply. She takes the piece of chicken and lets Nyoko gobble it out of her hands delightedly, her purrs resonating throughout the room. Kou smiles and washes his hands again, face pinched as he look away from Tiara's view.

"I'm just going to run up to the bathroom," he says, voice steady. "Then I'll be back to play with you and Barbara while dinner cooks, ok, Princess? Is that alright?"

Tiara frowns, eyebrows furrowed. "You were just in the bathroom," she complains, even as Nyoko is licking the palm of her hand madly, searching for more chicken. "It was like two minutes ago!"

It was actually closer to an hour ago. Tiara has a worse sense of the passage of time than Mitsuba. "Sorry, Princess," he laments, smoothing hair out of her face once his hands are dry again. "I'll be right back though. Speedy fast. Go back into the living room, and don't touch anything on the counters, ok?"

He heads out the kitchen and towards the stairs. In the living room are all of Tiara's many toys, scattered around on almost every seat and surface. Barbara watches over all, the biggest bear in the centre of the couch dressed in the pinkest, fluffiest tutu. Kou doesn't pay them any mind now that Tiara can't see, taking the stairs two at a time and closing the bathroom door tight so she won't be able to hear either.

He just manages to pull up the toilet seat lid before he vomits directly into it.

His sick is a heavy red in colour. It would be horribly alarming any other time, to the point where he'd probably have to call an ambulance - people aren't supposed to vomit blood, after all. However, Natsuhiko had said this would be normal. He'd said that for the first few days, he'd feel even worse than usual due to the changes his body would be going through. Normal humans aren't supposed to be able to handle this kind of thing, he'd said, among other things that Kou had taken fearful note of, nervous for what was to come in the following days.

He hasn't been able to get that repulsive metallic taste out of his mouth ever since. Even as he's throwing up, he can taste it at the back of his throat, and it makes him want to reach down there and claw the flesh out with his bare hands. How can Mitsuba stand this? No wonder he enjoys eating sweets so much, if this is the only thing that actually quells his hunger. Kou wouldn't be strong enough to live like that. Mitsuba has a stronger will than Kou gives him credit for.

God. Mitsuba. Kou gags again and watches blood pool into the toilet from a wet string on his lips.

It helps to remember what he's doing this for. Who he's trying to save.

When he's finished, he heads downstairs and smiles like nothing happened. His mouth tastes heavily of toothpaste that scrubbed every inch of his mouth and down his throat.

"All ready?" he asks Tiara, who cheers in response.

Teru is home by the time dinner is ready. He smiles at the two of them, kissing Tiara on the head over and over while Kou serves up dinner in his little apron, face red from the heat of the kitchen. Teru compliments him on having done such a good job, just like he does every night, always appreciative. Kou smiles and feels like the worst person in the universe.

I'm not choosing him over you. I'm choosing him over me.

Kou is nothing if he's not able to save someone. Everyone he knows has already made it clear they don't think he's capable. Teru. Hanako. Mitsuba. Nobody believes in him. Nobody believes he's actually able to make any kind of difference. It's not that Kou can blame them. He's never done anything that useful before.

I'm choosing to prove that I'm not nothing.

After dinner, he hugs Teru tight when he gets up to excuse himself for a nap before heading out on patrol. He lets out a small oof! at the contact, clearly not having expected it. "Kou?" he questions, amusement in his voice. "What's the occasion? You're not feeling under the weather, are you?"

Right, Kou forgot. He and Teru don't touch each other like this very often anymore. Kou used to get hugs all the time from his mother, every single day. His eyes water at the memory.

"I'm fine," he simply says. "I love you."

Teru lets out a sharp breath, and then places a hand on his back. Pulls him closer, holds him tight. "I love you too."

Kou hopes Teru doesn't find out what he's done until it's too late to change it. Kou hopes Teru finds it within his heart to forgive him for betraying the Minamoto clan. Kou hopes that when Teru eventually exorcizes him, it doesn't hurt, that it just feels like falling asleep.

Natsuhiko had said that his wounds will heal slowly. That he'll start seeing very small changes in his body sometime soon. That it won't be until he eats the second piece of the heart that the bigger changes will start to occur, and he'll have to be wary of his brother.

I'll let you know when it's time, Natsuhiko told him. Stay safe out there, kiddo.

Kou's going to do his best, because he has promises to keep.

"This is too much," Mitsuba whines. "We've done almost nothing but walking all day. If you're trying to kill me, you're going to get your wish."

"Oh, don't be a baby," Kou scoffs. "This is an adventure, isn't it fun?"

Today, he's taken Mitsuba out to a bunch of places around town where he said he hadn't been before. Kou's favourite restaurant, where he spends so much time with Satou and Yokoo after school. The old abandoned bingo hall that no one's bothered to tear down yet. The dog park, where Mitsuba had spent a ridiculous amount of time teasing all the dogs. He'd said he wanted to explore, but apparently, it was too much for him.

"I'm going to die," Mitsuba laments. He's trailing behind deliberately, dragging his feet. "Can we sit down on a bench somewhere or something?"

Kou's stomach rolls with guilt, and his expression pinches while Mitsuba can't see it. When he turns around to face the boy, however, he's smiling.

"We can if you need," he says. "Are you hungry?"

Mitsuba blanches, uncertainty pulling his lips downwards unhappily. "I mean - I - I don't know. Not really."

It's an obvious lie. Kou knew he was going to end up hungry in the time that they were out. Had calculated it perfectly so that he would, actually. It makes him feel evil. He hates seeing Mitsuba in pain.

"If it helps," he starts, and then hesitates slightly. "I did bring food. Food for you, specifically. I thought you might get hungry, so I brought it just for that."

He pulls them into the nearby park and finds a place to sit. The sky's getting dark now, as it always does so early in the winter. Mitsuba collapses into the seat beside him, breaths stuttering unevenly as he hugs himself, trying to hold himself together. He's weaker than he let on. Kou kind of feels like throwing up.

He unzips his bag and pulls out the tupperware box. "This is the best I've got," he says, watching as Mitsuba's lips curl in disgust and he recoils from the container. "Don't look at me like that, would you rather I had to run around and find one now?"

"They're not cooked," Mitsuba says, voice wavering. He's shaking, lips wobbling. "You couldn't have at least cooked them for me?"

Kou sighs deeply. "I can't cook supernatural hearts at home, Mitsuba, I can only do that while in your boundary," he says. "If we can get more of these, I can make some for you soon, ok? Maybe I can even get Teru's DS back so you can play."

Future promises make Mitsuba relax, and he lets out a shaky breath. "Right," he mutters, and reaches for the box. "Ok. I'm - I'm gonna make a mess. They're all bloody."

"I've got wipes, too," Kou says, and grins at Mitsuba's unimpressed look. "What? I come prepared. I know you're a messy eater, anyway, don't look at me like that."

"Whatever," Mitsuba mumbles, and cracks the lid to look inside. Kou averts his gaze, not wanting to see his face in this moment. Mitsuba hates being looked at during this process and Kou can't blame him. That's why he'd made sure they would be so close to a secluded area. He'd thought ahead on this.

He hears the moment Mitsuba notices, a small breath escaping his lips. "Why are they all cut up?"

"I thought it would make it easier," Kou says, staring down at his hands. "To eat, I mean, if they were bite sized. Do you want me to stay here while you eat?"

Mitsuba hesitates silently. "I don't mind," he admits, after a pause. "It's just you."

It's just him. It's just Kou.

To imagine that they would get to a point where Mitsuba would feel comfortable eating supernatural hearts around him because he knew Kou didn't care and wouldn't judge is insane. Yet, here they are.

The guilt is unbearable as he listens to Mitsuba chew. He probably doesn't even notice, probably couldn't even pick out which of the heart pieces doesn't seem to belong to any of the others. Kou couldn't either. When he'd placed the piece Natsuhiko gave him amongst the others this morning before leaving the house, it had blended in perfectly. No one would be any the wiser.

Mitsuba eats the entire box. Of course he does. He's always so hungry.

Two pieces of the same heart nestle into Kou and Mitsuba's stomachs. Four more will follow, at some point. Kou will make sure of it.

He has promises to keep, after all.