Chapter Text
A week later he showed up while Jack was awake. He had slept as much as he could. It wasn’t enough, but he wanted to be awake and responsive. He had been thinking about his stupid behaviour all week. Every single handover Robby had acted like nothing had changed, but Jack could feel it. Something was off between them now.
Robby used his key as he always did nowadays and walked in not expecting to find a man in the hallway looking at him.
“Hey!” He kicked his shoes off and walked right over to him, wrapping his arms around him in a quick hug. He lingered for longer than he would in public, but they hugged so often now that it just felt right to linger.
Jack hugged him back but then pushed him away. “I’m sorry.”
Robby blinked at him. “For… what?”
“For last week. I acted like an ass and it was stupid an-”
“You’re still on that? Buddy, I moved on. Immediately.”
“Oh.” He looked from eye to eye and Robby was not avoiding it for once. He was letting him look and giving him a slight smile that was growing more and more the longer he looked.
“Brother, you’re going to have to do more than be grumpy to get rid of me.”
Jack shook his head and laughed at himself. “Sorry man, I’m just an idiot sometimes.”
Robby squeezed his shoulder. “I know.”
“Hey..!” Jack continued to laugh. “You’re supposed to correct me..!”
“Correct you? When what you said was already true?” Robby joined in the laughter. “The only thing I can correct you on is that you’re an idiot all the time.”
“Hey…! I can’t believe I’m… friends with you..!”
“That’s your choice, my friend, not mine.” He casually walked into the kitchen. “Are you going to offer me a drink? Or are you going to be a bad host again?”
Jack considered saying that he wasn’t really a host when it came to Robby. Not anymore. “Yes.” He said instead. “I want to see if you pay attention to where I leave my things. See if you can find your way around my kitchen.”
“Remember how I’ve been cooking while you’ve been asleep for the past… three weeks?”
Oh right. He absolutely had been. Well… yeah there was no talking himself out of this one. “Touché.”
He’d lie and say it was the only reason he was keeping him around, but that couldn’t be further from the truth and somehow he felt that Robby knew that. He hoped he hadn’t figured out why he was keeping him around though… first and foremost to be there for him of course, but the very close second reason was because he had become absolutely addicted to their intimate moments. Their touches, their openness, their hugs. He couldn’t stand the thought of going back to how things used to be. Just the occasional hug at work… a fist bump... a slap to the shoulder… it wasn’t enough anymore.
He wanted Robby in his space. He wanted their legs tangled together when he woke up, their breath syncing up. God damn he had it bad for the man…!
Robby looked at him from where he was standing next to the fridge. “What are you thinking about?” He couldn’t help but ask it in a teasing way.
“Nothing..!” Jack moved a hand to his chest. “You don’t need to know all my private thoughts.” he said dramatically.
“Maybe not.” Robby grabbed two beers and walked back over. “Unless they’re about me.” He clinked their beers together and took a swig without taking his eyes off Jack.
Jack suppressed a shudder and quickly sat down. He was not about to let Robby tease him. Not like that. Even if he secretly loved it.
“So how was the session?”
Robby looked him over and shrugged. “It was good.” He sat down next to him and pulled a leg onto the couch so he could face his friend.
Jack gestured for him to continue.
Robby stayed quiet.
“I know you said you didn’t want to discuss it in detail, but you can talk about some of it. Even if it’s just in broad lines.”
Robby thought it over. They had been talking about quite a sensitive subjects.. but he was curious to see how Jack would react.
“He said I need to let people touch me more.”
Jack blinked. More…
“Does he know that we…”
“Bits and pieces.” He hadn’t dared to bring it up completely. He was finally making some progress with this guy, he was not about to ruin that by mentioning he cuddled with the man he was in love with. He took another swig of his beer. “He said I should learn to accept physical affection.” He shrugged, but couldn’t look at Abbot.
Jack chuckled for long enough that Robby looked over and watched a big grin appear on his friend’s face. Robby rolled his eyes. “Oh you love that, don’t you? Another excuse to hug me even more.”
“Does he know that we cuddle once a week?” He asked in a teasing tone.
“Once a week? I’ve been staying the whole weekend for a while now, bud.”
You should stay the whole week. Jack thought. He had become lonely in bed. It was cold and empty and lonely and he hated it.
He knew that it probably meant he needed to address it, since they weren’t doing this to work up to a future of more cuddles. This was bound to end one day, and he was selfishly hoping that that day would be many months from now. Years preferably.
“Does he know?” He asked again, more quietly this time.
Robby shook his head. “Don’t want to…” He admitted. Don’t want to because he might tell me to stop and I just can’t. “…he knows you’re the biggest hugger I’ve ever met though.”
Jack laughed. “And what did he have to say about that?”
Robby looked at him with a sigh. “He said, good for you.”
Jack grinned and gently elbowed him. “See..! Told you they’re good for you!”
“Yeah yeah, shut up.” Robby shoved him back and then groaned when Jack pulled him into a hug immediately.
When Jack finally let him go he let himself slide down the couch just enough to be able to slouch. He leant back with a big heavy sigh and looked at the ceiling.
Jack watched as Robby yawned twice in a row and his heart sped up. “Time for a nap?”
Robby nodded slowly, not even opening his eyes.
They moved to the bedroom and since it was hot that day, they both stripped to their underwear. Blankets made them warm enough as it was.
At least, that was what Robby thought. Abbot however, just pulled him closer as soon as he had settled in.
“You don’t think it’s too warm?”
“Screw being too warm.” He wrapped his arms around him and pressed a little, just to see how Robby would react. The man let out a long, comfortable sigh and Jack silently celebrated.
His chest was so incredibly warm under his own, and Robby couldn’t help sinking into him more. He could live there. In that bed, on that chest.
Abbot’s hands were fully on him. He was relishing it. He kept telling himself off for it, but he couldn’t help it. He kept caressing his back without realizing it. He wanted to press his love into his skin and let Robby soak it all up.
Robby was thoroughly enjoying it too. He was blushing like crazy, but man did he love it. He wanted to joke about it, to tease him for the way he was drawing shapes on his back or occasionally putting his full flat palm down before dragging it up and down. But he couldn’t get himself to do it. He was too afraid he would stop.
So they laid there, both very much awake, and neither saying a word.
After at least 30 minutes of this, Robby realized that Jack had to be awake to keep his hand moving. Was he staying awake on purpose? Did he want to sleep? Or was he staying awake on purpose? Was he enjoying this as much as he was himself?
He didn’t dare to ask, but it stayed on his mind as the hands on his back continued to caress up and down.
As the minutes went by, he started to shake. It was so good and yet so bad. He was feeling mixed and something was wrong and he couldn’t place it and why was he panicking?
“Mike? What’s going on?” Jack asked as he caressed his shoulder. He touched his cheek as soon as Robby moved up to look at him. He looked lost. “What is it, Mikey? What can I do?” He brushed his hair out of his face and kept his hands moving along his skin at all times. It was the only thing he could think of that didn’t require words.
When the words finally came out, Robby kept repeating himself, as if his mind was a broken record. “Too much. Too much. Too much.”
Oh. Oh no. Jack quickly moved away and tried to make sure he was not touching him anymore at all.
Robby lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Fuck. He had loved it so much. All these weeks, these months, it had been so amazing and he had gotten absolutely addicted to it. So much so that he had been hoping for more. More touch, more warmth, more skin on skin. But now that he had it he was feeling totally overwhelmed. He breathed in deeply, held it in for as long as he could and then let go harshly. Maybe that would calm his sudden panic.
“Better?” Jack asked trying not to sound too disappointed.
Robby shook his head. “Nope.”
Jack rolled his eyes and went to move further away but Robby grabbed his wrist.
“It’s just too…”
“Too much, yes I know.”
Robby did not want to say it. He absolutely did not. Except Jack needed to know. He needed to know that what he had been doing had been the very opposite of bad. He forced the word out. “…good.”
“Oh.” He thought for a moment. “Too good..?”
“Yeah…”
Jack finally let his head roll sideways so he could look at him. “But… we’ve been doing this for weeks…”
“With clothes on, Jack.”
“Then put your clothes back on.” Jack gestured with his free hand.
“No.” It came out soft but certain.
Oh.
“I want to learn.” He couldn’t look at him. “Therapist says I have to, remember.”
Jack couldn’t help but chuckle. “I thought he didn’t know about this?”
“He doesn’t. But he told me I need to touch more and I’m sure as hell not going to touch other people.”
“I do think that was what he meant though.”
Robby’s response came out harshly. “I want it to be you, Jack.”
“Because I’m your bestie?” He teased to lighten the mood.
Something like that. He thought, but did not say.
“Okay…” Jack said seriously. “let’s take it slow.” Robby did not respond with words, but his eyes told him he wanted this. He was just scared. So Jack turned and placed one full hand on his chest. He fought the urge to play with his chest hair and instead just waited. “Let me know when it’s too much.” He pressed down a little. “…or if you want to move up.”
“Okay…” Robby uttered after a few minutes. “More…” He couldn’t look Jack in the eye. It was impossible not to blush as it was, let alone if he could see his expression.
Thankfully Jack completely understood, and so he moved closer and touched him just a little bit more without saying a word or forcing him to look. Jack was looking though. He was observing his face. He wanted to turn on a light to see it better, but he knew Robby would rather die.
They slowly moved closer and closer. One hand… two hands… a whole arm… two arms… chest to chest…
They spent a literal hour moving up to a cuddle.
“I feel like a child.” Robby admitted with his mouth on Jack’s shoulder. He was fully on top of him now, but Jack was still being so careful.
“Buddy, you are not a child.” He squeezed his shoulder. “If anything you’re an old man.”
Robby backed away to look at him. “Oh fuck you!”
Jack grinned at him. It was so easy to get under his skin.
There was a sliver of light coming in from between the curtains and it crossed Jack’s exposed arm and chest. Robby looked at it. God he looked so good. He had no idea how he could keep up such a physique at this age. He went to the gym himself but he certainly wasn’t as fucking muscular as that..! He looked so fine he had leant down and bitten down on his upper arm before he had even realized it was on his mind.
“Uh…” Jack uttered. “I know you want to touch more but uhh…” He couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “…didn’t realize you had this in mind.”
Robby backed away, horrified of what he had just done. He had felt that need before, sure, but he certainly had never acted on it..! “Uh. Sorry.”
Jack continued to laugh, unphased. “What was that about?”
“I don’t know, I had done it before it had even crossed my mind..!” Robby tried to pull away, he was utterly mortified and wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole.
Jack allowed him to roll off his chest, but only so that he could lean up and smirk at him. “It’s only fair you let me do it back.”
Oh god. That would be a big mistake. If he let Jack bite him he would surely be kissing him next. He had already crossed a massive line, he was not about to cross an even bigger line and absolutely ruin the best friendship he had ever had. But how could he say no?
Thankfully, Robby’s phone went off in his pocket before he had given an answer. He looked over at the clock. “Oh shit, that’s Caleb. I promised we’d talk.”
Abbot moved away from him and let him leave without a word. He was a little bit disappointed. It had been funny but it had also been… very hot.
Perhaps it was for the better.
When Robby came back from his call Abbot was asleep. He had tried to fight it, but he was just too tired.
The following session Robby decided to mention that he cuddled with Abbot. It was a name he had mentioned a couple of times now, and the therapist knew who is was, but he was nervous.
The man told him it was good that he was learning about intimacy with such a good friend. Robby did not correct him. He had learned his lesson.
Except… he spent the rest of the week thinking about his feelings for the man and whether or not they could keep going. He never wanted to stop. He was afraid to stop. Afraid of the places his mind would go if he didn’t have their private time together. Would he go back to the roof? Would he stop wearing his helmet again?
But… his feelings were starting to get in the way.
And so the next week he sat down determined. He had to say something, because he needed advice and who the fuck else was he supposed to ask this?
The therapist sat down across from him and write down the date on his notepad. “Michael. You look like you have something you need to talk about.” He gestured for him to get started.
Here goes nothing..!
“You know that guy I’ve been talking about..?”
“The one you have been practicing intimacy with?”
“Yes. Jack. So… Well, I’m in love with him, like big time in love, I’ve been going quite crazy, insane really, because I constantly feel like I am doing things that are not okay but then he assures me it’s all good but that just makes me fall harder and well…” He sighed. “…I don’t know…” He shrugged, then stood up to pace the room.
“He is so kind that nothing seems wrong most of the time and then suddenly I’ll panic because I’m totally crossing a line but I can’t possibly explain that to him because then all this will stop and it’s been the best damn thing I’ve felt in all my life..! and if I lose that then- then I’ll- I’ll…” He sank back down in his chair. He couldn’t finish his sentence. But his therapist knew.
“Michael.” He put his notes away and moved closer to him in his chair. “You might now want to hear this but…”
The man told him the one thing he did not want to hear. He had to tell him. So that Jack knew what he was signing up for, and that if he didn’t feel the same way, he could chose for himself if he was still okay with their cuddle sessions.
Robby hated it. He didn’t want to tell him. He hated using his words to be open and vulnerable.
“I don’t want it to stop.” And he certainly didn’t want his heart broken.
“I understand that it is a difficult decision to make, Michael. However, if Jack is as great as you’ve painted him to be… you two will be okay. As long as you are honest.”
Robby looked away, his eyes burning with tears.
His therapist kept pushing. “What if you two keep this up for months and then he finds out? Even if he does feel the same way, he is bound to be upset that you haven’t been honest with him all that time. He might even feel… dare I say… taken advantage of…”
Robby’s response was so physical that he grabbed his notebook to write something down again. It was just words. Rigid. Stubborn. Scared. Terrified maybe. He put his pen down again. “I am not saying that what you are doing is wrong.” The man pointed out with his gentle voice. “What I mean to say is that if you are hoping to get a relationship out of this, he should probably know about that. What if he is being affectionate to his friend, but to you it feels like he is leading you on? Or getting your hopes up? What if you end up flirting with him and it makes him uncomfortable?”
Robby breathed in deeply. He hated every part of what he said, but… he did understand.
Maybe he really was taking advantage of him… even if Jack had told him months ago that he wasn’t… back then they hadn’t been cuddling in just underpants… nor had they been working on his touch sensitivity by Jack gently caressing his hands over his bare skin… which had fuelled many dreams in the past weeks.
“I…” His voice shook. “I will try.”
“Good.” The man smiled warmly. “And remember, it will be scary, but it will be worth it too.”
He ended up hyping himself up to tell Jack immediately. He was terrified, but he had to do it. He loved Jack too much, and the thought of making him uncomfortable was unbearable.
So he drove to his place straight out of therapy, same as every week, and he stepped into his apartment with determination. Unlike every week. “Hey Jack.” He hugged him hello and then pulled him to the couch immediately after.
“Can we talk?”
Jack looked at him slightly confused. “Of course we can. We do this every week.” He stood up to grab them both a beer but Robby grabbed his wrist before he could leave.
“Sit. Please.”
“Can I get us a beer first?” Jack did not like the look on his face one bit. He could feel his heart drop and was tempted to go for something stronger than beer. He had a feeling he knew what was coming next.
“Oh.” Robby dropped his hand. “of course.” He rubbed his hands on his pants and breathed in shakily as Abbot walked to the kitchen.
Jack had been fearing this. Robby was going to tell him that they had to stop doing this. That they were doing couple-y things and they weren’t a couple and so they couldn’t keep going. He kept his face in the fridge for a long time, hoping that the cool air would calm his nerves.
It only seemed to make it worse.
“Jack?” Robby asked from the couch. He had been standing there for a long time. His face was hidden behind the fridge door but he could hear that he was breathing irregularly. “What’s going on?”
When Jack did not respond Robby really started to worry. Had something happened? Was there a freak accident that had left him unable to move? But when he stood next to him he could see that physically the man was fine. Mentally however… he seemed anything but fine.
“Jack, what is it?” Robby placed his hand on his shoulder and in an instant Jack was crumbling. He wrapped both his arms around his chest and sobbed onto his shoulder. Now Robby was really confused. He closed the fridge and wrapped his arms around his friend.
“Talk to me. What triggered you?”
Jack couldn’t say it. It was ridiculous and he knew it even as he was crying. It was childish and stupid and unnecessary, but he couldn’t help it. He had been dreading this; Robby was going to tell him they could no longer cuddle every week and then he would be so desperately lonely again that he would be going back to the roof at the end of his shift. He was terrified of that.
Robby walked the two of them to the bedroom, the beers could wait. He placed him on the bed and helped him take off his prosthetic. He was wearing shorts and a tank and Robby decided he was not going to undress the man. That would be all wrong.
This did mean it was much too warm for a blanket, though. So he pulled it aside and left it there. It was much more important to hold him through his panic attack. He opened his arms and Jack hurried into them. Wow. Something must be really wrong for him to act this way.
“Tell me, Jack, please.”
“I need you.” Jack finally uttered.
And wasn’t that just a wonderful thing to hear.
“I’m here. I’ve got you. You’ve got me.” He rubbed his hands up and down his back, just like Jack did for him just two weeks ago. “I’m not going anywhere.” He leant against his head and closed his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Jack shook his head. He had said enough.
“Okay.” Robby assured. Maybe it was time to just hang out for a bit. He could be honest about his feelings later.
They both ended up falling asleep, too comfortable to do anything else.
After not even thirty minutes however, Robby experienced something he absolutely hated. He dreamt about Abbot and about being honest with him. Abbot did not just stop touching him, he hated him. He yelled and he cursed and he kicked him out of his home. He never wanted to see him again.
And so, Robby woke up stressed. He was wide awake and involuntarily going through his dream over and over again. He was starting to panic, he could feel it coming, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He needed to say it, he knew he did, but if telling him made Jack want to stop being friends he’d fall apart more than Jack just had.
He tried to focus on the man on his chest, the way he was holding on to his shoulder and had hooked his good leg with one of his. That was not something Jack did with anyone else. Surely that had to mean something.
Whatever that something was he was unsure of, but it gave him a hint of hope.
It didn’t take long for Jack to wake up as well. Robby’s stress had caused him to tense up and he wasn’t that comfortable of a pillow anymore because of it. He made sure not to alert Robby, just in case that would mean the end of their cuddle. He stayed as still as he could and took in their closeness. He still feared that Robby’s words would change something between them. This could be the last time they lay like this.
His stomach churned and he couldn’t help but snuggle closer. He knew he had to accept it, but it was just so difficult.
And so he spent the next minutes trying to come to terms with it all. He needed to be ready to have this conversation with Robby. If that man wanted to talk then he was going to let him because he barely shared a thing with anyone. Even during their private time together he only talked because he was overwhelmed or angry. But this time, he seemed neither. So he told himself to hear him out and give him whatever he needed. That man was his best friend and he would do anything for him. That included backing off and giving him space. No matter the cost.
The moment it became painfully obvious they were both awake, Robby decided to get up. He couldn’t do this while lying down. Not like this. He needed to have something in his hands and he needed to be able to look at him but also away in a pinch.
So he got up with an excuse of needing the bathroom and walked back in minutes later with two beers.
Jack sat up from where he had rolled onto Robby’s spot, and chuckled. “Room temperature beer, lovely.”
Robby raised his brows at him. “You think I brought those? I put those back in the fridge and grabbed two new ones, my friend.”
“Ah. You’re smarter than you look.” He teased, plastering on a grin that Robby could see right through.
“I wish I could say the same of you.” He teased back. He could play along.
Jack moved back to his previous spot and puffed out his chest. “Please I look very smart.”
Robby looked him over. His hair messy from their nap… his pecks peaking out from his ripped up tank… his arms big and strong and so very hot… “I’m not sure if smart is the word I would use.” He said it teasingly, but if he asked he would have to admit that he would rather call him hot, or sexy, or delicious or bite-able.
He quickly sat down and clinked their beers together. “cheers.”
They drank in silence. They were usually pretty good at that. It never got uncomfortable between them, but this time… it was different. The weight of whatever Robby wanted to say was almost palpable in the room.
By the time Robby had finished his beer, Jack thought that he was finally going to get started, but instead he saw him get fidgety. His breathing was irregular and he couldn’t look at him.
He spent minutes playing with his fingers. He pulled on a thread on his shirt and Jack watched it get longer and longer.
“Buddy…” He nudged him gently.
Robby breathed in deeply and finally got started. “I need to tell you something.” He breathed deeply again and Jack already knew that he was about to start hyperventilating. He turned his body to face him fully and tried to make it obvious that he was here to listen to whatever Robby had to say, hoping that it would calm him down.
“So, I’ve been talking… you know…” He moved his head jerkily. “…with my therapist…” He shook his shoulders, as if to shake out the jitters, but it just seemed to make it worse. “…about you…”
Jack grinned and wanted to ask if he told him about their weekly cuddles, but Robby held up his hand.
“Please. I need to do this.” He shook his hand, looked away and blinked rapidly. His hand landed on his leg and started to drum restlessly. “He told me to say something…” He forced himself to continue. Shuddering, he shook his head to try to get rid of his negative thoughts.
“I’ve got-”
He breathed deeply once more, but it didn’t seem to fill his lungs at all. His heart was hammering in his chest. He pulled in his fingers to stop the drumming, but his fists just started to shake.
“I have to-”
He rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants and tried to look at him. The concerned look in his eyes just made it all worse and so he looked up at the ceiling, over at the wall and breathed shakily.
“I don’t know how but I must-” His ears started to ring. Oh no. Oh he was fully panicking now. It had been weeks since he had had one of these.
“Hey, hey.” Abbot said trying to put his hand on his face. “Look at me. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.”
“He told me to be honest with you.”
“You have always been honest with me. If it was something that I absolutely needed to know you would have told me already.”
Robby shook his head furiously. “You deserve the truth.” He was fully hyper ventilating by now.
“You deserve rest, Mike. Peace. Quiet. Your therapist can’t feel what you’re feeling. He might think it’s best for you to say this thing, but he could be wrong. He’s not perfect. If he thinks it’s really bad, when it’s actually extremely bad, then he will underestimate how scary this is for you. I’m sure he didn’t mean for you to trigger your anxiety like this.” Hell, it was triggering Jack’s anxiety.
Robby blinked at him as he tried to calm down. It was very difficult because Jack had his whole self just right there in his stupid ripped up tent of a tank. Man was that man fit. Not too fit, no he was just right. Big arms, big pecks, broad shoulders…
“If it’s too scary then just don’t tell me, okay? If it needs to be said it will come out when the time is right.”
Robby swallowed. “I want to tell you.” I have to tell you because every time I look at you I think of how fine you are.
“You’re panicking too much, Mike.” Abbot couldn’t help but touch him. He just really liked to comfort him that way. “Tell me when you’re calm.”
Robby shook his head. “I don’t know if I can. It just needs to be said. Calm or not.”
“No.” Jack didn’t give him another option. “You’re calming down first.” That was final.
So they sat there, shoulders pressed together but staring straight ahead of themselves. Abbot quietly talked about other things. New equipment at the gym, a new recipe he wanted to try, a bakery he had read about online that he wanted to pay a visit. He did not mention however, that it was a Jewish bakery and that he wanted to get some things for Robby. He would find out eventually.
When he had run out of things to say they settled into a comfortable silence. Robby hadn’t been listening all that much anyway; too occupied with hyping himself up.
Jack interrupted his fifth pep talk with a quiet question. “Why did you not want to tell your therapist about us cuddling?”
“Because..!” Robby exclaimed as if it was obvious. “Last time I mentioned it the guy was a homophobic asshole!” He had exclaimed it without realizing what he was implying. He breathed in deeply and got ready to yell about it more; he was much too fed up with all this stress and annoyance to keep it in anymore. “I wasn’t going to take the risk with this guy. I’ve finally found a guy I can actually work with and I couldn’t risk saying it and have him tell me to stop or whatever! I don’t want to stop! And then what? I would just get mad at him for telling me to stop doing the best fucking thing that’s happened to me and then there was the chance of him saying other absolutely inappropriate shit! And I wasn’t about to listen to that..! And there is of course the option of him telling me I am taking advantage of you just like that the last guy and I know it’s complicated with feelings and all that but what if he said things that would make me spiral a-”
As he rambled Jack leant closer, looking him over with kind eyes. He understood now. He gently touched his cheek, turned his face towards him and cut him off with a kiss.
Robby blinked at him, not a single thought in his head.
Instead of kissing him again, Jack explained why a couple of weeks ago he so suddenly lost his shit. “You know that day I suddenly became a grump? Yelled at you and everything.”
Robby nodded slowly. Jack’s hand on his cheek moved up and down.
“I was so comfortable on your chest. Feeling you breathe and your warmth…” he ran a hand down his arm. “…and then suddenly I saw myself kissing you.” His hands trailed along the spots he was talking about. “…your chest… your neck… your jaw…” He stopped himself and chuckled. “…and it wasn’t the first time. Far from. But that’s not why we’re doing this and all of a sudden I was convinced I was using you.” He finally looked him in the eye. “And I was so angry with myself for just letting my head go there… for allowing my pathetically massive feelings to get in the way.”
Oh. They had been struggling with the same thing..
Robby felt the need to ramble just the same. It was the only thing he could think of doing. The rest of his brain was no longer functioning.
“The other guy I saw, when I came home angry… that was.. I don’t know months ago… He said I was perverted for doing this with you. For taking advantage of you.”
Jack was moving closer to him. “No.” He whispered, eyes fixated on his lips.
“Yeah..! And he said I was in love with you way before I had ever even let myself say it in my head, let alone out loud! And then I was perverted for cherishing this thing we created and- What?” He couldn’t ignore the downright emotional grin on Jack’s face.
He pressed their legs together. “You said it out loud.” His hand slowly landed on his waist.
“Hm? Oh. Yeah, I’ve been saying it a lot lately.”
Jack looked at him, switching between his eyes and his lips. “Not to me.” He shrugged as casually as he could.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you today.” Robby’s breath was shaking but he was determined. “I’m in love with y-”
Jack lunged forward and couldn’t connect their lips fast enough. This time he did not move away after a quick peck. No, he kissed him deeply. Desperately. He wanted to banish any and all doubt he most certainly still had. He wanted to feel him and taste him and claim him.
The hand on his waist pushed up Robby’s shirt, and he could feel the man get goosebumps. In reply Robby threaded his hand into his hair and pulled him closer as he tilted his head for better access.
Unfortunately, he was out of breath all too soon, and gently pushed him away.
“I want to clarify…” He started, breathing shakily. “…I haven’t been doing all of this to get anywhere. I haven’t been trying to get into your pants, it’s not like that.”
Jack shook his head with his usual fond half-smile. The one where his eyes light up with love. “I know that, you idiot…!” He pulled him in to kiss him again.
“Don’t do this out of pity.” Robby said harshly.
Jack rolled his eyes and smacked another quick kiss onto his lips. How could he possibly still have doubts?! “Michael, I love you.”
“…oh.” Poof. Every last doubt he still had was gone. Finally.
Abbot pulled him closer, hands fully on him, and smirked. “We just made out for several minutes and you still weren’t sure?” He ran his lips along his jaw, into his neck and over to his ear. “…like I said before… I have pathetically massive feelings for you.”
Finally, Robby hurried to connect their lips. He pushed him backward and kissed him right into the mattress. He was desperately pushing closer and closer. He wanted him so bad, he was touching him all over his arms and his tank.
“Put your hands under my shirt, Mike.” Jack growled between kisses.
He was more than happy to oblige. He felt like he was on fire. He was burning and he was so happy. He kissed away from his mouth, along his jaw and down his neck. He kissed his collarbone, his shoulder and then his upper arm. And then, he bit him there softly, just like he had two weeks ago and Jack laughed loudly.
“I should have known something was up then and there.”
Robby backed away with a blush. “Fuck, I was so embarrassed.”
“Why didn’t you let me bite you back?”
“Because that would have been too hot and we weren’t together and I was already panicking about all that..!”
Jack smirked. “I’m going to bite you now.” He pushed him backward onto the bed and instead of it being hot it was just funny. Robby was laughing fully, his arm covering his face as he tried to recompose himself.
‘Why are you laughing?” Jack was laughing too.
“Fuck man, I’ve been so stressed!” Robby was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.
Jack took in the sight. The sprawled out man with his mouth in the widest smile he’d ever seen on him… the arm flung over his eyes in an attempt to hide himself… the red flush high on his cheeks… He could feel his own cheeks starting to hurt and realized he had been smiling a lot too.
Slowly, he laid down half on top of him and settled in just like every Friday. “You really never considered that I might return your feelings?”
“Are you kidding..?! All of you liking little old me?” He touched his face and gently brushed his hair back.
Jack wanted to protest, there was so much to like about him, but he decided to leave that conversation for another day. For now, he was very happy just laying on his chest and feeling Robby’s hand gently running over him. He was touching him more than he ever had and Jack was not about to interrupt him.
Robby ran his fingers along his cheekbone… his hairline… down his jaw… his neck… across the fabric of his tank top… along his arm… and down his hand and middle finger. Jack hooked them together, and Robby took a hold of his full hand. He kissed his head and Jack looked up with an uncharacteristic blush.
Robby let go of his hand to pull him closer by his jaw. Their lips slotted together gently and they lingered for as long as they could.
Luckily, they had nowhere else to be that day and they could stay in each other’s arms for as long as they liked.