Chapter Text
Gene hadn’t spoken to him in three days, which might have been a record for the longest time he’d gone without talking to Liam. He grumbled and considered sending another text to his son but there wasn’t really any point to it. After all, the kid would text him back when he wanted to or he wouldn’t, and there wasn’t anything he could do to change that. And if it really came down to it, Liam could get into touch with Gene’s mother, but he wasn’t that desperate yet.
“Something on your mind, love?” Debbie asked and Liam put his phone down.
“Nah.”
“Liam,” Debbie frowned. “Has something happened? You’ve been in a slump for a couple days now.”
“Just had a falling out with Gene the other night while you were out,” he replied. He wasn’t a good liar at all but he could tell half truths somewhat easily. And he’d promised not to tell anyone the real truth, so he had to do his best, didn’t he?
“What about?”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s boy stuff, you wouldn’t understand.”
Her hand reached for his and Liam laced their fingers together. “You can tell me, Liam. Whatever it is, you can say it, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” Liam traced circles on her hand and wondered if that was even true. My son found my fucking incest sextape that I made with my brother whom I have an obsessive attachment to and now they both hate me, oh and this all happened while you were busy working late, how would that go over? Probably not well, if he had to guess.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah.”
“I mean for the next week, since I’ve got business in France and you said you didn’t want to come.”
He frowned at that momentarily. “That’s next week?”
Debbie’s lips straightened into a line and her hold on his hand tightened a bit. “I’m leaving tomorrow, remember? And I texted you last night about it, too.” That’s right, Debbie had mentioned a couple months prior that she’d be gone for a week in Paris or something and Liam didn’t fancy the hassle of it all so he’d refused her offer to go, and now that he thought about it, he did get a text from her last night about something dealing with France. “I can cancel. I can reschedule it. It’s not that important, anyway, they need me more than I need them.”
“No, it’s alright, you go,” Liam offered with a shake of his head. “Am alright, me.”
“Liam,” Debbie spoke firmly, holding his hand tighter.
“Debbie.”
“I can cancel.”
“Don’t do that or I’ll be upset that I worried you so much.” To emphasize his point, he squeezed her hand back and then let his fingers continue to draw circles on her skin. “I’ll be alright, love.”
Debbie sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Alright then. Call if you need anything.”
Liam’s eyes fluttered closed and he kissed the top of her hair, smiling at the little hum she let out. “Will do.”
…
Two days later Debbie was in France, Liam was alone, and Gene still hadn’t texted back. Curiously though, Lennon had called earlier but there had been nothing in his tone to suggest Gene had said anything to him, and yet Liam couldn’t help but worry anyway. After all, Lennon was a bit more sly than Gene, a bit less honest, and a lot better at hiding his intentions too. It was possible that Lennon knew everything now and he was only talking to Liam for some hidden agenda.
Is this how Noel felt back in the day, worrying about who knew about them and who didn’t and who might have a clue and who might be smart enough to put two and two together? No wonder the miserable bastard was always fussing over keeping their relationship under lock and key. Though it seemed now that that strategy was pretty fucking worthless since a lock and key weren’t enough to keep the whole thing under wraps in the end.
There was nothing to be done about it now though except to wait. Wait for Debbie to get home, wait for Gene to text back, or maybe wait for Lennon to send a note letting him know that he’s seen a digital version of the tape and it’s all fucking over. And then wait for the media storm and for Debbie to cut him off and for mam to ask if everything she’s reading about them in the news is real and for it all to end in ruins.
Really, he needed to lay his head down soon or he’d go grey within the week. With a sigh, Liam began padding up the stairs to his bedroom. There was a pounding in his head he couldn’t get rid of and he worried maybe this was it, he was going to die of a migraine. And then he turned his head back down the stairs and realized the pounding wasn’t in his head, it was coming from the front door.
So Liam turned back around and walked sluggishly to the front door. The pounding had turned into an annoying knocking sound, since the fucker apparently couldn’t be bothered to stop rapping against the door and fucking wait for Liam to get there. Maybe if he was lucky it would be Lennon, since the little shit always knocked that way.
He placed his hand on the knob and turned slowly, opening the door annoyingly slowly to piss off whomever was knocking so obnoxiously and he sighed. “What is it–”
“Fucking let me in, would you?” Noel immediately brushed past Liam inside the house, not even sparing a look at his brother who was completely frozen. Then from behind him, “And fucking close the door now, what if someone sees?”
“You- Wh-” Liam whipped around to see Noel taking off his coat and putting it up on the coat rack Debbie had insisted they get. “Noel?”
“Yeah, it’s me–”
“How–” Liam was lost for words. His fucking brother was in his coatroom and they’d not been in the same room since–fuck knows, actually, they probably had been in the same space sometime after 2009 but that was beside the point. “Why are you here? And how the fuck did you find me?”
Noel rolled his eyes and let out a scoff, as though Liam should already know how he did it. “I had my people figure out where you were after you called. Wasn’t that hard, actually.” Then Noel looked him over and tutted. “I thought you’d be in France this week, though, and then word came in that it was just your bird who was going to be away.”
“How?”
“I’ve got loads of money and hardly anyone worth spending it on, yeah?”
“So what, you paid a few people and figured out where I live?” Nevermind the implication that Liam was the one Noel found worth spending his precious money on.
“Summat like that,” Noel replied and he stepped into the living room. Liam finally closed the front door and faced Noel’s back as his brother looked around the house. “Your bird does the decorating?”
“Yeah, mostly,” Liam replied, stepping forward to stand beside Noel. The living room was modern and classy, far too intentional to be anything Liam could have put together himself. “A few things here and there are mine, but she’s the one that puts them in place to make the space cozy and that.” Noel hummed and looked around a bit more, taking in the surroundings, and Liam watched him closely, wondering if the decorations were to his liking. “See something you like?”
Noel pursed his lips. Then a moment later he turned toward Liam. “Am not here to judge your living room and the decorations you and your woman put up.”
“She’s got a name.”
Noel scowled and folded his arms. “Not the point. Where’s the fucking sextape?”
“I have it.” Noel scanned Liam’s person and Liam scoffed. “Not fucking on me, you knobhead. It’s in the guest bedroom.”
Noel raised a brow at that. “Sounds like a fucking terrible hiding spot, that.”
“Yeah, well, it got discovered in the attic, so I had to move it. And it might’ve gotten discovered in my bedroom, and am not puttin’ it in one of the rooms the kids stay in when they’re over, so I had to put it in the guest bedroom.”
“So you’ve thought that through, have you?” There was a ghost of a smile playing on Noel’s lips but he immediately turned away before Liam could get a better look. “Where is this bedroom, then?” Noel was ready to get moving but his brother was frozen in place. “Well?”
“Why are you here?”
“What?”
“Why are you here, Noel?” Liam repeated. Noel stopped fidgeting and his face went blank at Liam’s question.
“Because I fucking decided to come here.”
“Why?”
At that, Noel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It could have been Liam’s eyes playing tricks on him, but he looked decades younger like that, even all frustrated and exasperated and clearly having an agenda no one else could know about. “Is it not obvious, Liam?” Noel asked, now facing him and returning to his old age. Liam shook his head. “I’m here to fucking clean up after you, as usual. So where is this guest bedroom?”
“What d’you mean by that?” Liam pressed further and his brother’s eyes seemed to turn a shade of red.
“I mean, ‘where the fuck is the guest bedroom?’”
“I’m asking what you mean by cleaning up after me, you fucking–”
“Can’t you just trust me?” Noel folded his arms, his brows raised and his expression strangely desperate. Liam bristled–he didn’t really want to let his brother do as he pleased in his house without explanation. Still, he was the chief, wasn’t he?
“Down the hall and on the left.” Noel turned and looked at him expectantly to which Liam stared back dumbly. Then Noel rolled his eyes again and took a step back, motioning with his hands for Liam to lead the way.
“Pretty fucking slow, aren’t you, our kid?”
“Fuck off,” Liam scoffed and flipped him off, but he still fell into step ahead of his brother and guided him to the guest bedroom on the first floor. It was fucking weird, this, and there were so many more questions he had at the forefront of his mind, but he couldn’t ask them yet. His brother was sort of like a cat, unbothered until he’s not, and he couldn’t risk scaring Noel off like that so those questions would have to wait. Then before he knew it, they were standing in front of the guest bedroom’s doorframe. Liam turned the doorknob, allowing them both inside and Noel inspected the room.
“It’s in the closet in a little chest. New lock and everything.” Behind them, Liam closed the door and locked it even though no one else was home.
The older brother walked over to the closet and pushed some clothes aside until he saw it, a little box with a number lock securing it shut. He fiddled with it, trying some combinations and Liam leaned against the door, watching his brother try his hand at unlocking it. Finally, after a few failed attempts, Noel tossed the chest onto the bed and folded his arms. “Right then, what’s the code?”
“For what?”
“For the fucking box, you twat–”
“Yeah,” Liam cut his brother off, eyes trailing from Noel to the box. “But what the fuck d’you need it for?” He could start with one question at a time, now. What the fuck do you need the tape for?
Noel pursed his lips again and then put his hands up. “I came to fucking destroy it, didn’t I?”
“What?”
“You heard me,” Noel confirmed, looking off at the wall. “So what’s the code?”
Liam swallowed the air in his throat. “What?”
“I’m here to smash the damn thing, Liam,” Noel told him again. “So tell me the fucking code or I’ll take matters into my own hands like Gene did and find some other way to fucking open it.”
Liam bit the inside of his cheek and took in his brother’s sour face. Right then, two can play at being impatient and catty. “It’s the year you left me.” Noel raised his brows and gave him a once over to see if he was lying. But Liam wasn’t a good liar and Noel couldn’t see anything to indicate that Liam was taking the piss, so he slid the numbers on the lock around. Then he tried unlocking the box and still failed.
“I’ll fucking throw this chest at your head, Liam. What’s the fucking code.”
“I fucking told you.”
“You–”
“Think a bit fucking harder, would you?” Liam scoffed. Try as he might, he couldn’t quite muster up the same superiority Noel held in his tone when he talked down to Liam, but the message was quite clear, wasn’t it?
Noel scowled again and raised the box. Liam’s eyes stayed trained on it, prepared to dodge if it came flying at his head, but instead Noel looked down thoughtfully at it and tried again. The sound of the numbers sliding around the lock filled the room, and then there was a satisfying click when the lock came undone.
“Told you am not a liar, didn’t I?” Liam pushed off the door and walked up beside his brother. The lock had come off but they had yet to open the box. Noel himself seemed transfixed on it.
“Bloody hell, Liam.”
It gave Liam some sort of satisfaction knowing he’d gotten one over on his cunt of a brother. Maybe this was how Noel felt back in the day too, always too smart for everyone else around him and always one step ahead. Felt fucking good, no wonder the fucker got off on it so much. “Go on and open it then, Noely.”
Noel shook his head and opened the lid. Inside the chest was a pack of cigarettes and the tape. Carefully he pulled the cigarettes out and looked them over before putting them onto the dresser beside the bed and then he reached for the tape. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of it. “This is it?”
“That’s it.”
Noel examined it, turning it this way and that before putting the chest down on the bed and inspecting it with both hands. “How do you know?”
“Because Gene pushed that exact tape into my hands the other night and then I immediately put it into that chest over there.” Liam motioned to the bed where the chest was sitting though Noel’s eyes didn’t follow. “And then I grabbed one of the locks from the garage and just put it on the box to keep it locked. I remember the whole thing quite well, me.”
Noel looked to be considering different possibilities in his head. Possibilities of what, Liam didn’t know, but it didn’t really matter, did it? It was going to be destroyed anyway. Noel was probably deciding how to do it as cleanly as possible. “How do I know this is the tape? It’s not even labeled.”
“You don’t believe me?” Liam asked with an unbelieving laugh.
Noel met his eyes with an unimpressed expression and waved the tape. “Did you watch it after Gene gave it to you?”
“Well–” Yes. “I didn’t, but–”
“So you don’t fucking know.” Liam took a step back and his face flushed. Noel’s eyes narrowed and his face ran hot. “I fucking knew it! This is why I had to come here myself. You can’t fucking do anything.” Then he waved the tape in his hand more angrily. “This might not even be it, Gene could have the real thing, he could. Or maybe it’s not even been discovered and he found some other shite–”
“Well what do you want to do to confirm it’s the real thing, then?” Liam countered, equally upset. At that, Noel’s face went redder, this time with both embarrassment and anger.
He lowered the tape and looked at the wall again, seemingly less confident. His fingers ran over the black plastic and suddenly he didn’t have much to say.
The cogs in Liam’s mind turned and then a little lightbulb went off and he couldn’t help but snort. “You’re going to watch it?”
“Fuck else am I going to do?” He had to keep from laughing some more. This was all so bizarre, wasn’t it? “Where’s the bloody VCR Gene watched this shite on?”
“It’s in the attic.” He really tried to keep the amusement out of his voice and remind himself that this was a serious situation. It must have worked because Noel nodded in response, his face turning back to its usual light color but the tips of his ears were still red. Were Liam less mature, he would have commented on it, but he knew better these days.
“Show me the way, then.” Noel stepped aside again and Liam led them out of the room and then through the living room. “And what the fuck are you smiling for, wanker?”
He hadn’t even really noticed his cocky smile had changed into a happy grin across face. “Just wasn’t expecting you to drop in, is all.”
Noel rolled his eyes as he trailed behind his brother. “What choice did I have? Can’t leave this sort of thing to you, can I?”
With a snort they both began up the stairs and Liam caught his brother staring again at the decor. Perhaps Noel liked it more than he would let Liam know. The bastard did have a nasty habit of not telling Liam when he was impressed or pleased with him, but he had no problem letting him know when he was unhappy with him. Liam decided not to dwell on it further and turned his head forward. “Right, you can’t leave it to me, but surely you have people who could have been sent here instead of you?”
“To what, confirm that there is, in fact, a sextape of me fucking my little brother in the two-thousands?” Noel scoffed. “Real nice plan, that. How’d you come up with that?”
“You’re such a fucking cunt, you know that?” Liam folded his arms. “I was just fucking asking.”
“Use your head, that’s all I’m saying.”
“Why’re you being such a dick?” Liam had reached the top of the stairs and Noel had a few more to go. Just before he could reach the top, Liam stood in his brother’s path. Noel gave a slight glare, waiting for him to move but Liam stood still. Answer the question first, dickhead.
Noel threw up a hand and Liam remained in place. After a beat longer, “I’ve not been sleeping because of this mess, you know,” he replied. Liam had expected something along the lines of Because I’m your brother and we can be dickheads to each other, but perhaps that’s only something he would say. He slowly stepped aside and allowed Noel up the rest of the steps. “Haven’t been in a good mood in a long time. Sara’s fucking upset about my moods also, but she’s always fucking upset. Don’t know why it’s such a problem for me to have a few back-to-back bad days for seemingly no reason but she can do it all the fucking time.”
“Sounds terrible,” Liam agreed. He began walking down the hall, Noel falling into step beside him this time instead of behind.
“It is. She’s always coming for my fucking throat these days.”
“Dunno why you married her in the first place. I never liked her.”
“You never liked any of my birds.”
“You haven’t got good taste in birds,” Liam countered. “You like birds who complain too much and whine all the fucking time.”
“Sounds like someone I know.” Liam stopped to say something snide again but Noel was focused on the hatch above them. “Is this the attic, then? How d’you open it?”
Liam muttered under his breath but Noel paid him no mind. He grabbed the pole resting on the wall nearby (he hadn’t put it away since Gene left) and used it to hook onto the latch and pull down, allowing the attic stairs to unfold. Noel stood back a bit closer to Liam, something close to awe showing on his face. “What, have you never seen an attic?”
“Never been up in mine at home,” Noel returned. The ladder stairs reached a few inches from his feet and he moved one foot up. Then after a moment he took his foot back. Liam studied him, expecting him to explain or say something but Noel seemed to be waiting on him. “After you.”
“Such a gentleman, aren’t you?” Liam said, the tiniest bit surprised.
“Glad someone fucking appreciates the gesture.”
Liam closed his eyes, understanding why Sara didn’t like his brother and his attitude very much. He knew Noel could make himself very hard to like, but for Liam, he could both like and dislike his brother in equal parts. He started up the stairs and tried figuring out what the fuck Sara had that made Noel like her enough to spend however many years with her when he seems fucking miserable in that godforsaken marriage.
After pondering it a bit longer, they entered the dusty expanse of the attic and the VCR setup was exactly where it had been left. The bloody thing hadn’t even been turned off since it was last used, which was right after Gene stormed off and Liam had been left with the tape and a bottle of liquor. Not that it mattered, he had enough money to cover the electricity bill for however long the thing was running for.
Liam walked over to it and ran his hand along the top of the television, swiping off a thick layer of dust. “You’re not allergic to dust or nowt, are you Noely?”
“Fuck off.” Noel stepped closer to take a look alongside his brother, studying the setup as well. He crouched down beside Liam and his own hand traveled to the VCR, dusting it a bit with his sleeve. “Is this–”
“Ours, from back in the day.” Noel nodded and ran a finger along the buttons and knobs. Liam hummed as he realized this must be the first time Noel’s seen it since he was twentyone and Liam was sixteen. He remembered because the neighbor had upgraded his VCR and television set and given their family his old one, which mam still had at her house. Sitting in front of them though was the set he and Noel had grown up watching cartoons and football matches on, and it was a miracle the thing still worked at all. “Kept it in mint condition, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, looks like it.” Noel inspected it some more before reaching to the slit of the VCR to insert the tape. His hand faltered before it could go in, the tape just barely breaching the inside.
Liam noticed and considered saying something smart, but that would surely lead to an argument. And saying something encouraging to him would make Noel upset over being patronized, and egging him on would also piss him off to the point of silence or yelling. Saying nothing seemed the best move, but they weren’t getting any closer to their end goal of confirming this tape was the real deal and smashing it, so Liam reached his hand over Noel’s and helped him push the tape in.
“Not so fucking hard, is it?” Liam asked as the tape sank inside.
Noel’s breath pitched up the slightest bit. “Didn’t want to break your setup.” Liam waved dismissively and reclined into the large beanbag across from the television set. Noel sat cross legged and a shade paler as the VCR began reading the tape.
The screen then lit up with the beginning frames of the film. It was a blurry shot, some muffled sounds, and then the white ceiling came into view.
“D’you like it, our kid?”
“Yeah, ‘s great, Noely.”
“Hang on, the bloody thing is pointed at the ceiling.”
“What?”
“I said–Hang on a minute, it’s not–”
“Oh, there you go.”
“Yeah, like that. Let’s wave to the camera, yeah?”
“Hello.”
“And a big thank you to our photographer friends who’ve given us such a lovely present, yeah?”
“Yeah, thanks a lot. We’ll be using your gift for some top films and that, swear down.”
Liam watched a younger version of himself and his brother smile goofily at the camera, their eyes giving away how much coke had been in their system that night. They both had their clothes on, nothing nefarious having happened yet, just two brothers giving their appreciation for the camera they got.
Noel reached to turn the television off, seemingly having seen enough proof that this was the real tape, but his hand faltered again. He didn’t seem able to bring himself to do it somehow, just like he had trouble even pushing the tape in. Liam could reach out and help him turn it off.
Instead his hand found Noel’s shoulder, pulling him back gently. Surprisingly, Noel shuffled away from the screen far enough that he was almost laying against the beanbag with Liam.
“What kinds of films, Liam?”
“Hm, maybe some action flicks. Maybe one where I can be a superhero or one where I’m John Lennon.”
“Oh, is that what you want? Why don’t I leave you to it then? Go on and film an action flick while I go have a drink at the bar and off with John Lennon while you’re at it too, yeah?”
“No, I– Okay, dirty fucking flicks, man. Dirty fucking pornos of us shagging each other and that.”
“Is that right?”
“No, it’s actually really fucking wrong, but we’re going to do it anyway, aren’t we?”
The younger Noel had looked so smug in the camera lens until Liam said that line. He turned and faced his brother, giving him a fond smile in the dim hotel lighting.
“Yeah.”
And the younger version of himself returned that smile. The younger Noel reached over and placed a hand on the back of Liam’s neck, drawing him in for a kiss. Immediately Noel opened his mouth, inviting him excitedly, which he never did on any occasion ever, except for here, for the camera. And Liam slipped his tongue in also, drawing moans out of Noel that he couldn’t remember Noel making any other time they did this.
“Liam–Kidaa, are you going to fuck me, then?”
“Nah, want you shagging me.”
The both of them were flushed, Noel’s eyes slightly confused and a bit surprised, probably because he never really let Liam fuck him, and yet here Liam was, rejecting the opportunity to have it that way on record.
“Then get on the bed.”
“Yeah, okay, Noely.”
“Can you be a good boy and take your clothes off by yourself? Or am I going to have to do it for you?”
“Wan’ you to do it.”
“Alright then, if that’s what our kid wants.”
The real Liam’s breathing sped up a bit as he watched a younger Noel gently reach for his brother’s shirt and lift it. He took such great care in making it soft and slow, maintaining eye contact with him the whole time.
The current Liam couldn’t remember the last time either of them had sex, let alone the last time they could look each other in the eyes while fucking. Those last few times before the breakup, Noel had begun closing his eyes before kisses and then refusing them outright, and then eventually he just needed a shag if he didn’t like the groupies he got. And yet here it was on camera, his brother decades younger and just as in love with Liam as he was with him.
“C’mon kidda, gonna need you to suck my fingers for this.”
“Yeah, okay–”
“Good, good, that’s it, our kid. Good boy.”
“Noe–”
“Shh, just focus on my fingers, yeah?”
“Mmhhm-hhmm.”
“Gonna add another. Fuck– So pretty like this, yeah? D’you think we’d sell more records like this? Just have you on the album cover, no clothes and maybe some eyeliner? You wouldn’t even need to sing any songs or nowt. You could just suck on the microphone and people would still buy the record and get tickets to our concert.”
“Mmhh–”
“Just like that. Come on, lift your hips. I need to get your trousers off– Bloody hell, Liam, you’re such a fucking slag, aren’t you? You’re not even wearing any fucking underwear.”
“Had to be ready for you, didn’t I?”
“You planned that out?”
“Wanted to have a show for the camera. Wanted to have a show for you.”
The younger Noel had laughed, and he only laughed like that when he was truly pleased with something.
“For me, Liam?”
“For you, Noely.”
“Fucking hell, kidda–”
“Are you going to shag me now, Noel? For the camera?”
“Yeah. Just–”
“Just?”
“Fucking hell, Liam, I love you–”
“I love you, Noely, and coke and drugs and John Lennon.”
“Coke is a drug, you don’t have to say it twice, you knobhead. And spread your legs a bit further, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay–”
“Good boy. That’s a good boy, Liam.”
“Noely-”
“Yeah, kidda?”
“I–”
The mouths on their younger selves moved but the sound was drowned out by an incessant ringing in the room. Liam looked down to see it was his own phone making the sound and he sat up, immediately taking the call, having no time to register if it was mam or Bonehead or a producer or Gene or–
“Hello?”
The screen turned off and Liam barely registered the voice on the other line.
“Debbie? That you?” The thudding of blood pumping in his ear made it hard to tell, but he was fairly certain it was Debbie on the line, and he was sure she said something about checking in and another mundane comment about the weather and missing him. “Right, right, I hope you’re safe too, Debs.” His free hand clenched around something as he tried to regain composure, but really, he couldn’t have a conversation right now. “Hey, I’m actually a bit busy at the moment, uh, fucking, uh, writing songs and that. Listen, I’m sorry, but I can call you later, I promise?”
Debbie sounded worried but she let him go, promising to check in with him again when his wave of inspiration wasn’t at risk of being lost forever to the sea of forgetfulness. With a sigh of relief, he finally leaned back and stared at the ceiling of the attic, so different from the hotel ceiling he remembered in the film.
The screen of the television showed his reflection and Liam turned to look at Noel who was staring again at the minimal decorations in his attic. Here, all of the decor had been put up by himself, and in the back of his mind, he really, really wanted to know if his brother liked it. If he liked anything in this house. If Noel even liked him still.
Then Liam’s eyes dropped to his other hand to find his fingers laced with Noel’s.
“You fucking twat.” The tips of Noel’s ears were still as red as before, his face still turned away. “I didn’t leave you in 1988.”