Chapter Text
A week later Trent almost quits his job at The Independent, his boss and coworkers had been begging him to share personal stories about the newest gaffer. Even Sophia had asked question after question when he went to drop off Izzy.
“So let me get this straight, your American best friend slash crush-
“I don't think I ever said that.”
“- that you haven't seen or heard from in 30 years, is the newest gaffer for AFC Richmond?”
“Yes.”
“Damn that's fucked.” She plops herself down beside him on the couch. “Oh! Do you have any pictures from when you guys were teens, I'm sure that'd make the front page.”
He would rather gnaw off his own foot than give the press any photos of him when he was younger. That and that he didn't have any, despite the many months they'd spent together he can count on one hand the number of polaroid photos they'd managed to take together, and that was only because Ted practically forced him to be in photos once he got that wretched camera. Somewhat mercifully he only had the camera for the last week or so of Trents time in Kansas, most of the pictures ended up overexposed and extremely white due to all the snow on the ground.
The few good ones they'd had together, had been evenly divided between them, Trent had two pictures he cherished.
He wishes he still had them.
He shuts her up with a pillow to the face.
The noise only got louder a few days before Richmond was set up to play Crystal Palace. Ms.Welton had set up another interview to see how well Ted was getting along with the players and his overall coaching ability. Trent was going to skip the event all together in favor of doing the press after the actual match.
His boss did not agree, which is how he found himself back in the second row of another Ted Lasso interview. He watched Ted make his jokes and laugh off any real concerns the other interviewers had before raising his own hand.
Ted looks at him and smirks, pointing him out in the crowd. “Yea you right there.”
As expected Ted noticed him immediately as did the rest of the press room, which leads them to give an immature “ooh” when he inevitably gets picked for the questions. He can't wait for this prestige to be over so can go back to doing his job like a normal person.
He stands and with the utmost professionalism he can muster. “Trent Crimm, The Independent.”
Ted, honest to God, chuckles in front of the entire press room. “Oh I remember Trent.” He says cheekily, something that makes the press room turn to face him in sync.
God he's never going to hear the end of this so long as Ted is coaching here. So with a quickness that shocks even him. “I'm just curious. Could you describe the offside rule?”
Somewhere lost in time Trent Crimm rambled on about football to Theo Martin. He'd never been any good at playing, but he was always quite knowledgeable, it was one of the only things his father cared about at the time.
The press room laughs, but Ted does not falter. It's extremely interesting to watch him improv answers he doesn't really have. “Well, Trent, I'm gonna put it the same way the U.S Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography.”
There is no amount of money that could convince Trent to even make a guess on what Ted could possibly say next.
“It ain't easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.” He says.
Trent smirks a little, impressed with an answer that is technically right. Ted Lasso only makes himself look foolish, he is anything but that. The rest of the conference ends abruptly after an unsavory question from the disgrace of a reporter, Ernie Lounds. He's been on the receiving end of a few uncomfortable moments with the man and it always surprises him they let him back in the room.
—--
Jamie Tartt is a confusing young man in desperate need of guidance, someone to believe in him. If he would just stop being so stubborn maybe he could see it too. So Ted goes to speak with Keeley, she'd decided to go with the Lion for her modeling gig, and after seeing the Panda getup he sure gets why.
They sit in the park during her lunch break and they eat burgers, he takes turns feeding himself and then her. Wouldn't want her nails to get ruined in the middle of the gig, he can't imagine that's good for selling magazines.
“Actually he responds well to positive reinforcement.” She says after finishing a bite of burger.
“That's my wheelhouse.” Positive reinforcement was his whole gig, he could positively reinforce the hell outta Jamie.
Keeley nods. “There you go then.”
“Okay bite.” He says.
Ted takes a bite of his own burger and then gestures for Keeley to take her own bite.
“Okay go on, give us one more then.”
She takes what is definitely way too large of a bite leaving ketchup all over the side of her face. He's no expert but that can not be good for all the makeup she's got on her face right now.
“That's a big one.”
“Well yep.”
“Got some ketchup on your face, looks like you devoured an antelope.”
She smiles and he leans forward to brush the ketchup off her face with his thumb. Using a napkin to clean up any remains he may have missed.
Once Keeley checks herself out in a tiny mirror and decides he did an adequate job removing the ketchup she tilts her head to the side. “So what's the deal with you and Crimm?”
Which is a question he wasn't expecting to get today, he assumed the entire country knew what their “deal” was at this point.
“We went to high school together for a while. Haven't seen him since.” He says earnestly.
“But you were friends?”
He nods slightly. “Like two peas in a pod. He was my best friend.” He says simply, but there's a weight to it. One he hadn't had to think about in 30 years.
She thinks about the statement for a while and Ted can only assume she's wondering what would be appropriate to ask first. “Was he always a cynical prick?”
“Oh he was the best reporter Lawrence High had, honest to a fault some people called him.”
Among many other distasteful things Ted tried not to think about.
Keeley catches his gaze and holds it for a second “But not you?”
“I never thought there was a faulty thing about him, he was like a well polished machine straight out the factory to me.”
It's always been hard to think about what they were. Like it was a secret only they knew even if they never said it.
To his surprise Keely looks amused?“So what happened?” She asks.
“He left.” Ted tears his eyes away from hers and focuses on the photographers and all the props. He shrugs. “Didn't tell me either, one day he was just gone.” He says noncommittally like it was fine.
Some days it still hurts like it was yesterday.
Keelys eyes widen all the way to eyebrows and her hands jump up with excitement. “Oh my god is he your ex?”
There's a question he's never been asked before. Sure they were close friends and maybe sometimes his stomach flipped at the sight of him but that's just how they were.
He shakes his head slightly. “No it's not like that.”
“Okay Ted.” She says quietly and carefully, maybe like she doesn't quite believe him. He doesn't know whether to be upset about that or not.
“He was my friend.” He says softly, and it almost feels like he's trying to convince himself. But he's not cause he knows that's what they were, friends. That's all they ever were no matter how much it feels like his nose his growing right now.
Keeley nods and a few moments pass between them, the warm air hits his face nicely as he finishes the last of his own burger in one bite. The gentle sounds of cameras clicking and models talking helps to ease his nerves a little bit.
A photographer motions to his watch angrily and calls Keeley over. She sends him a snarky middle finger and sighs. Keeley pushes herself off the ledge to stand in front of him. “Maybe this means you're in the right place. Being here, it was meant to be.”
It's the first time someone doesn't call him crazy for doing this, which he understands but that doesn't make him feel any better. And it's not even about soccer for Keeley. “You're a lot smarter than people take you for huh Keeley?” He says smiling at her.
She gives him one firm nod. “Damn right I am.”
—-
That Weekend AFC Richmond face Crystal Palace they lose 1-4 after a rather insignificant goal from Jamie Tartt. He doesn't exactly know why but he finds himself perched outside Richmonds clubhouse waiting to talk to the young man. Perhaps to be able to write about someone other than Ted Lasso for even just a moment.
Jamie leaves the clubhouse by himself and walks right past Trent. When asked for a statement on the match Tarrtt says something that truly shocks him.
“...im just one of eleven.” When explaining his goal.
For a moment Trent thinks Ted has actually managed the impossible, turning Jamie Tartt into a team player. Two Crystal Palace players passing by makes Jamie do a complete 180 and he answers in a much more “Jamie Tartt” way.
“Fuck it, Yeah, i am taking it pretty hard, You know? The rest of them, they're all in there eating cake.”
“Seriously?” He stops writing on his notepad to turn back to the Clubhouse door, as if he could see inside.
“Yeah, seriously mate. The new gaffer got music on in there. It's like a party, it's a joke.” Jamie spits out with a clear distaste.
Maybe someday Jamie Tartt could be the man Ted needs him to be, maybe someday he'll stop caring about what everyone says about him. For now though, Trent thanks him for the statement and lets him walk away.
He lingers outside the club hoping to catch Ted, the cooler air is nice to stand out in, it's quite ironic but he never really did like the heat. Much to Sophia and his fathers amusement for in their words “bringing it.” He doesn't mind waiting either; they haven't spoken since their outing, not counting the press conference. He really doesn't want to go another 30 years without contact so this is him attempting to make amends.
Just when he decides he's been out there long enough he hears the door open. Coach Beard, walking alongside Ted as they discuss a rather ridiculous hypothetical.
“Come on, Lion or Panda?” Ted asks excitedly.
Beard stops abruptly and says plainly “Eagle.” Before pointing out Trent by the door.
He's not sure he'll ever understand Coach Beard, but he presumes no one else does either.
Ted turns around to face him, with another signature smile on his face. “Oh! TC what a pleasure to see you again.” He pauses, looking back to Beard who has already started walking away. “I'll catch up with you later, Beardo-O.”
Beard promptly gives him a thumbs up and continues walking away.
Ted points toward Trent. “I like your hair.”
He smiles brightly and the compliment makes him feel warm. The bun wasn't usually his style, but his daughter had thought to experiment with hairstyles and left him with a nasty knot this morning.
“Uh, thank you.” He manages. He clears his throat abruptly. “Heard you threw a party today.” Trent states.
Ted places an exaggerated hand on his chest. “Waiting out here for my players to give you the gossip?” He says leaning forward onto the balls of his feet.
He can't help but smile at the man. “I suppose so.” He says earnestly, it reminds him of how the two of them used to act together. Ted had always been sweet and albeit a bit too silly sometimes for Trents taste.
“Off the record?”
It's the one part about being a reporter he hates. Sometimes people decide he can't be trusted. He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt.
“Of course. I'll leave that to the press room.”
“It's Sam's birthday.” He says simply, shrugging with his hands in his pockets. “Was going to bring out the cake no matter the outcome of the game.”
Sam Obisanya had been a very promising addition to the team, he remembered being in the press room when he came out to answer a few questions about the new club. He'd seemed young and nervous, spoke mostly about his family and how he wanted to do right by them. Since his debut he'd been a very stagnant player, not having much opportunity to show off his skills.
“That's very kind of you Theo.”
He really needs to stop calling him that, Theo’s not here anymore, the man before him is Ted and Ted has lived an entire life without Trent.
Ted humbly shrugs away the compliment. He always does, never wanting to be recognized for the good work he does, Trent finds it extremely annoying and also extremely endearing. “He's just a kid; a long way from home. I suppose we both know what that's like.” Ted says gently.
Trent nods carefully. “That we do.”
They fall into a familiar step after that, walking side by side to God knows where. He just started following Ted. He doesn't mind it though, he never really did. He always felt very comfortable by his side.
“You almost got through to Jamie today.”
“There's a better man trying to get out, he thinks no one sees it.”
He says it like it's fact, like Jamie Tartt has always been a good man and we've all been seeing the wrong version.
“But you do.”
Ted shrugs. “I try to.”
And there it is, what makes Ted Lasso, Ted Lasso this unchangeable belief that everyone can do better. Trent wishes he could believe it too.
“Well I for one, would love to see the day Jamie Tarrtt puts the team first.”
Ted laughs a bit at that and the warmth returns. Their shoulders bump against each other with every other step as they continue walking.
Ted stops abruptly and turns to him. “You wanna get a drink?”
It's a very bad idea.
Trent nods anyway. “Lead the way.”
____________
September 13th 1992 is an extremely ordinary Monday. The birds chirp by his window as the sun begins to shine and like everyday when he wakes up he has a moment where he's free from grief.
Where he forgets.
His mother gets him up for school and packs his lunch. A smile plastered to her face, it makes him uncomfortable, it makes him angry.
She won't talk about what day it is.
She never does.
Nevertheless he puts a smile on his own face, kissing her on the cheek on his way out the door, bagged lunch in hand. As far as she knows, today is just another day to him. He gets in his old truck and drives around Lawrence, he doesn't bother turning on the radio knowing not even the static can help clear his mind today. He rolls down the windows and wills himself not to be sad. It'd be stupid to be sad, his father didn't bother to think about anyone other than himself when he made his choice. He certainly doesn't deserve Theos sadness after giving up like that.
He finds himself at the old sports bar his Dad used to take him to play darts. The bar is empty at 8AM on a Monday and to be honest he is surprised its even open. He's never been here this early; he can't imagine anybody ever really is. The place barely has customers at rush hour, sure it's a staple in his neighborhood but the TVs are slow, there's 4 darts constantly being missing, and if he's real honest about it, their chicken wings suck. But it was his father's favorite place to throw darts and now begrudgingly Theo enjoys the familiar environment, and Earl is always happy to see him. His father never let him win if he didn't earn it. It used to annoy the hell out of Theo but once he hit 15 he started to win more often than his Dad. He remembers how proud his Dad looked whenever he threw the final winning dart.
How happy.
He forces the thought away because it clearly hadn't been enough. Theo clearly wasn't enough.
Every few weeks he ends up here, John never minds if he throws a few darts. Always lets him come in silently and do his thing for however long he decides and John gives him a burger or a soda on the house. It's routine, and comforting despite the ache he gets in his chest every time he hits a bullseye.
“You okay kid?” John asks while wiping down the bar. “A bit early for me to be seeing you.”
Johns old now, he's got more white hair then brown and he moves a little slower each time Theo visits, so the space between his visits gets longer. He's worn the same thing every day since he met the man, a plain white shirt, jeans and a constant rotation of the same 4 flannel shirts. Today he was wearing a classic red one and a hat to match.
He throws a dart. “Peachy.” Bullseye.
John slings the rag over his shoulder and Theo gets another dart ready. He hears the familiar clink of glasses as John does his cleaning. Another dart flies at the board.
Another bullseye.
“Here kid, on me.” John says, drawing his attention back to the bar. “Just this once.” He says sliding a glass closer to him.
“It's a bit early for whiskey John.”
“You could use the pick me up.” He points finger at him. “Tell anyone and it'll be your head.” He says sternly.
He sits at the bar thumbing the rim of the glass for a few moments before bringing it to his lips. It certainly goes down smoother than the beer he had a year ago.
“He was a good man. Your father.”
“Look I appreciate this but we don't have to-”
“Someone has to, don't think I haven't noticed the way your mom has turned into the perfect candidate for a toothpaste commercial. I know you're hurting. So just let yourself feel sad for a minute.”
The mention of his mother stings his throat and his chest feels tighter than before. John has no business speaking about his mother, or maybe he has no business being right.
He shakes his head and downs the rest of his whiskey in one gulp. Throws his final dart. “I'm fine John.”
Miss.
He leaves the bar to the sound of John trying to get him to stay. He doesn't need to talk about anything. He doesn't want to. His father made his choice and no amount of talking could ever make Theo be okay with it.
When he pulls into the school parking lot it's lunch time. He immediately goes to find Trent. They'd spent the entire first week of school sitting beside each other in homeroom and during lunch. He'd even drive him home after school on the days his host family couldn't. Which ended up being way too many times for Theos liking, but he enjoyed the company.
Like usual the cafeteria is a mess of teenagers and noise all around him. He stops by their usual lunch spot to find it occupied by nothing but a messy lunch tray. He looks around the space for a while longer, not seeing him on the lunch line or by the trash cans. The guys on the football team had left them alone for the week but not seeing them at their usual table either leaves Theo with a bad feeling in his stomach.
He wanders out to the hallway, nobody but a few teachers linger out in the halls. After walking around aimlessly he hears a few voices coming from around the corner. He picks up his pace, his heart beating faster with every step.
He finds Jason and Sam pinning Trent to the lockers. Jason's face is way too close to Trents as he raises a fist to presumably hit Trent with.
Trent struggles against the hold of his antagonists. “Just let me go. Please.” His voice sounding too small.
Jason holds him harder into the lockers. “Shut up! Nobody is here to protect you now you fucking bitch.” He spits back and launches his fist directly at Trents face.
It sends Trent to the ground and he holds his face in pain. The sound of Jason and Sam goons chuckling at the sound makes Theo sick to his stomach.
Theo moves before he can think, and the pain comes second to his mind.
It's not enough to send him to the ground but he expected that, Jason stands in shock, his jaw hanging open slightly. Trent uses the time to stand up and distance himself from Jason. Angling his face more towards the ground presumably so Jason can't see the bruise that's definitely going to form.
“You okay Trent?” He says while keeping his eyes on Jason.
“I'm fine.” He says in an unusual tone.
God he's hates this place sometimes.
Jason gets himself off the ground and stares at Theo. For a moment it looks like he's going to charge at him but a custodian passing by stops him in his tracks. “You better watch out.” He says shoving Theo. “I hope this fag is worth it.”
He tenses up a little, that kind of rumor could get a guy killed around here. He's uncomfortable with that word getting thrown around like it doesn't carry that weight.
Trent doesn't deserve that.
Theo does his best to stand taller than him. “Get the fuck out of here Jason.” He says as grimly as he can manage.
Jason whistles at Sam and the two of them leave the hallway. Trent leans himself up against the nearest wall closing his eyes. His breathing is a little shaky and after a second he slides down to a sitting position putting his head on his knees.
Theo joins him on the ground, his hand throbbing slightly. It's not the first time he's punched someone in the face. Theo doesn't remember much about that encounter besides the brace he had to wear on his hand for a few days and the way his mother looked so disappointed.
“Where were you today?” Trent says breaking the silence.
A crushing wave of guilt floods his body, he should've been here. Instead of sulking. His father doesn't deserve his tears.
“I know I should've been here, I'm sorry.”
Trent does a bad job at hiding the sniffle that comes from his direction. “It's not your fault, I'm not upset you weren't here.” Trent pauses gently touching the area around his eyes, it's changing into an ugly purple color quickly and he winces slightly at the touch. “I know I'm an easy target.”
It breaks Theos heart, sure Trent is a little smaller than most guys his age and he prefers to write instead of throwing a ball, but he wouldn't change anything about him.
Trent raises his head to meet Theos eyes. “I was just hoping you were doing something interesting.” He says.
His eyes look so hurt despite him trying to hide it and the soft way he speaks makes Theo want to answer honestly.
Almost.
“I was just driving my truck. Clearing my head.” He settles on a half truth. “Are you sure you're okay?”
Trent nods a little jerkly. “Apart from the rather painful sucker punch. I'll live.”
Theo searches his eyes for any sign of a lie. He hates that he wasn't here, he hates to see his friend this way.
“I'm okay Theo, I promise it's not your fault.” Trent says softly and Theo kind of hates it, because he shouldn't be the one doing the reassuring.
“Whadya say we get out of here?”
Trents face contort into confusion. “Like out of this hallway?”
He would almost think it was cute if he wasn't- He shakes the thought away. “No, like out of this building.”
“I have four more classes.” Trent says lamely.
A true nerd at heart.
Theo scoffs and waves off the concern. “Who cares? Let's get ice cream.”
“Ice cream?” Trent says with a raised eyebrow.
“I think you deserve it.”
Seeing Trents apprehension on the matter he stands himself up and holds a hand out to him. His right one, the left could also probably use some ice cream.
“Look if you really don't want to that's fine, I'll walk you to class. But it's the second week of school, and something tells me you could make up the work.” He says gently. “I think this is something worth skipping for.”
For the first time today Trent manages a smile. “Fuck it.” He says while taking Theos hand. “Lead the way.”
—-------------------
Trent didn't think “getting a drink” meant going to Ted's flat but the two of them arrive at his doorstep with no issues.
The space itself is cozy if a bit bare, it's clear that he hasn't fully gotten settled yet, there's nothing on the walls and there's nothing personal lying around. Not so much as a book he can pretend to have read. He lingers around the living space as Ted moves past him toward what he assumes to be the kitchen.
“Make yourself at home.” Ted says from the kitchen the sound of glasses gently clinking over his voice. “You like scotch?”
Trent allows himself to sit on his couch slightly awkwardly. It's been too long since he's been in any place Ted has called home. “Yes, that's fine.” He says back.
Ted returns with two glasses of scotch and the bottle which is a little presumptions but Trent doesn't mind.
He takes the glass, bringing it to his lips. The scotch itself is nothing to write home about but he supposes that doesn't matter. “So Ted, how are you settling in?”
Ted sighs deeply than takes a sip of his own drink. “The team is… adjusting. I'm not like their last coach, but I think everything's going to work out.”
“I didn't ask about the team.” Trent says softly.
He watches Ted pause for a moment, his eyes meeting Trents. “Always keeping me honest.” They hold their gaze for a few moments before he clicks his tongue. “It's tough being away from my son.” He says earnestly.
“I get that.”
Ted takes another sip of his drink and leans back against the couch. “You always did.” Ted roughly clears his throat. “So, you ever get around to watching those James Bond movies?” He says a bit more casually.
Trent can't help but smile. He shakes his head a little. “I can't believe you remember that.”
“Some things you just don't forget.”
Ain't that the truth.
Trent downs the rest of his scotch. “I have managed to watch a few, my Ex wife, Sophia made me watch the newer ones after Knives Out was released.”
Sophia had forced him to do a complete James Bond movie marathon one weekend. He'd love to say he has a favorite but after a while they all started to blur together so much he cant pick out which plot lines are from which movies anymore.
Ted whistles a bit. “Great movie, that Daniel Craig was truly an amazing pick.”
“I agree.”
“And I hope I don't put my foot in my mouth with this one but, when you said amicable divorce I have to admit I thought that was just something you were saying to make me feel better.”
“But movie marathons together tell you otherwise?”
“Pretty much. I think it's cool though, I always appreciated the idea that men and women can be friends.”
It'd taken a while for him and Sophia to find their footing as friends, she was always very understanding but she needed time to be okay with her new reality herself. He supposed that why he needed to tell her twice before it truly stuck. It was awkward at first, attempting to be friends while co-parenting, for the first couple of months Trent agreed to pretty much everything she asked of him and even insisted she keep their flat.
“I think i'd consider Sophia to be my best friend, despite everything she knows me better than anyone.” He paused looking away from Ted for a moment. “Apart from Theo I suppose.” He says gently.
Ted lets out a small huff of air. “Talking about him like he was a different guy, but I'm right here.”
Anybody with eyes could tell that even Ted didn't really believe that.
“I know, you just… are different. I cant quite put my finger on it.”
Ted finds his eyes again raising one eyebrow. “Good different?”
“I'm not sure yet, but then again I only knew Theo for five months.”
“And now you've known Ted for a week.”
Ted downs the rest of his scotch then pours himself another bit more offering the bottle to Trent to do the same. He politely declines the offer, he's not much of a drinker and he still has to get home.
Ted takes a long sip then rests the glass on the table in front of them. Ted meets his eyes and they stay there so long Trent almost worries time has frozen.
“Why'd you leave?” Ted says suddenly.
“What?”
“Kansas. Why'd you leave kansas?” He says a touch more firmly.
He hates talking about it. He only ever told one person the full story. Sophia had been so kind and understanding, she was truly a much better woman than he deserved.
He tries his best to not look flustered. “No reason.” He says lamely.
Ted raises both of eyebrows and crosses his arms. “Seriously?” He says.
“It wasn't my choice to leave.” Trent says stubbornly.
“What does that mean?”
“I would've said bye to you if I could've, I swear I tried.” He pleads hoping Ted will believe him.
His father had been hell bent on getting Trent out of Kansas as soon as he could. Even Trent didn't know what he'd done wrong until he was on the plane. He worried for ages something was wrong with his mother and that was the reason for the urgency.
Sometimes he still wishes that was the case.
“So what happened?”
He hates himself for still hating himself sometimes. “I just- i cant say.”
Why can't he just let it go? It was years ago, it doesn't matter anymore.
“Was it your father? He forced you to leave?”
His father was never a violent man, never a loud one either. He spoke with so much confidence he never needed to yell, when he came to pick Trent up all those years ago he was silent. It was the most terrifying thing to witness at 17 years old.
His throat tightens up, Ted is too close to the truth.
He is the truth.
He could probably figure it out if he kept digging.
He always heard what they called him in school.
“Just drop it Ted.” He puts emphasis on the final word cause that's who he is now. He's Ted and Theo’s gone so it doesn't matter that he left Theo behind all those years ago because so did Ted.
Ted sighs and shakes his head slightly, if anything Trent can tell he's a father because he's made the same look at very disobedient Izzy from time to time. “I'm sorry Trent but I can't do that, one day you were there and the next you weren't. Started to feel like maybe I'd done something wrong.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Like you'd abandoned me.” He says much quieter.
The spiteful attitude of one grief stricken Theo manages to force its way out of Ted Lassos body. Seeing it 30 years later is like seeing a poor paint job underneath a brand new sheet of wallpaper.
It's ugly.
“It wasn't anything you did, I can assure you of that.”
He just wants him to drop it, he can't open this can of worms right now. He wants to sit and drink and pretend everything is fine.
“Well forgive me but your lack of explanation isn't exactly quelling that thought. You're my oldest friend, don't I deserve to know the truth?”
“We haven't been friends in 30 years.”
He regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth. Ted looks like he's been physically slapped.
All the oxygen has left the room and time stands still.
He is such an asshole sometimes.
“I think I should go.” Trent says.
Ted somehow manages a more pained expression at the declaration. His whole body following suit, his shoulders have dropped low and his eyes look dull. “You don't have to.” He whispers.
Trent sighs. He wants nothing more than to want to stay. To tell Ted everything and more. He wants to get to know the man that stands before him and what the time in between did to him.
“Thank you for the scotch, you have a lovely home.” He makes his way to the front door, opening it slowly. “Have a good night Ted.”
—-----------
Theo drives to his favorite ice cream shop with Trent in the passenger seat, the seat is practically his. Theo's mother refuses to go anywhere with him in this truck, she hates the sight of it even if she pretends otherwise. Trent turns on the radio, a routine he'd started a few days after Theo picked him up for the first time. They let the static be background noise, it brings some comfort to have someone understand his affection for the broken thing.
It's a five minute drive and when they pull up they are met with the place being closed for the fall. In all the drama Theo had forgotten they were closing this week. He lets his head fall onto the steering wheel, a gentle beep leaving the car.
“We could go back to school?” Trent says shyly, his face getting closer to Theos.
Theo shakes his head on the wheel, something is going to go his way today. His picks his head up and puts the car back into drive. “No can do, I've got a better idea.”
They end up at the grocery store staring at the isle of Ben and Jerry's flavors. Trent opens the fridge door and runs his hand over a few different pints before picking one.
“Really?”
“What?” Trent holds up his pint to read the label as if something on it will tell him what the problem is.
“All these choices and you pick Cookie dough?” Theo says.
Trent stares at Theo.“What's wrong with cookie dough?” He says weakly.
It almost makes Theo feel bad for teasing him but he figures they both need just a bit of normalcy today.
He makes a show of shrugging dramatically. “I just figured you to be a more adventurous ice cream kind of person.”
Trent raises an eyebrow and snatched Theos own pint out of his hand to read the label. “As adventurous as Peanut Butter cup?” He says while tossing it back.
He barely manages to catch it but smirks anyway. “You know what, you got me there. Let's skedaddle.”
They drive around in his truck for a while not really saying anything, his hand more of a dull ache and he can tell by how uncomfortable Trent looks that his face is really starting to hurt.
He pulls to a stop in an empty field his mother used to take him to picnics and cookouts here. They'd spend hours doing nothing but watching the stars, it was their little thing, his father was too impatient to sit down for hours and do nothing. Theo was too at first, but his mother would sit while he ran around and tired himself out until eventually he didn't need to.
They haven't watched the stars in a long time, she always smiles and just says she's busy.
He smiles back and says it's okay.
“Where are we?”
“No where.”
Theo gets out of the car and makes his way to the bed of the truck, prompting Trent to follow him. He sits down in the bed and tosses Trent a loose pillow to put against his back along with a plastic spoon from a mysterious takeout bag he doesn't remember being in his car.
Trent takes a minute to situate himself. “So this is your plan?”
“Yup. It's real nice here.”
Trent smiles and opens his ice cream, stabbing it a few times.
Theo does the same until his spoon snaps in half. “What's your least favorite thing about Kansas so far?” Theo says.
Trent takes a bite of his ice cream and takes a beat. The gentle breeze flows through his hair nicely and Theo can't remember the last time he noticed something like that. “I miss watching Doctor Who.” He says after a few moments. “I'm also not particularly fond of Jason.”
“Well i can understand that, speaking of you might wanna hold that container to your eye there.”
Trents eye has now fully blossomed into a vibrant purple mess, the only thing covering it being a single strand of hair. Trent moves the hair away and removes his glasses, placing them gently beside him on the truck bed. He winces when the cold container hits his eye and then pulls it away.
“How's it look? Be honest.” Trent says.
He takes a moment to carefully examine the details on his eye, then he lingers around his face longer than he means too. He looks a bit different when he's not wearing his glasses. “Ah you still got your looks.”
Trent smiles and puts the container of ice cream back to his eye. “Oh shut up.” He says softly.
“I'm serious, you're rocking the bad boy look now, chick's are into that. You're on your way to prom King.”
“I suppose that makes you the white knight.”
He feels warm all of sudden and lets his smile fade, he clears his throat too aggressively to try to tame the feeling in his chest. “And you're favorite?”
“Probably you.” Trent says quietly.
His breath hitches, the statement making him feel weirder than he thinks it should. After that they sit together in the back of the truck for a few minutes, the sounds of birds chirping being the only thing keeping his mind from spiraling.
He clicks his tongue once dragging Trents attention away from his ice cream once again. “Why are you here Trent?” Theo asks carefully.
Trent's head tilts to the side slightly. “What do you mean?”
“Kansas is a long way from home for someone who's not Dorothy.”
“That is the second time you've referenced Dorothy.”
He shrugs. “When in Kansas.”
Trent picks at his ice cream avoiding Theos eyes.
“I'm not the son my father wants me to be. I'm tremendously awful at football-”
“Soccer.”
“I've never had a girlfriend, my hair is too long, I read too much, I don't have any friends. Take your pick”. Trent pushes around his ice cream for a few moments. “My father believes I need to learn how to be a real man.” He says quietly.
That doesn't really seem like the best solution to a nonexistent problem, but what does he know about raising kids?
“And sending you here was the best way to go about that?”
Trent shrugs, placing his ice cream down for good.“He thinks being out here will toughen me up. Not much to do in rural Kansas besides join a sports team I assume.” He says little bitterly.
Theo can tell he misses home, he couldnt imagine being an ocean away from everyone he loves. Being sent away must make the whole experience worse.
“Well I'm sure we could get up to all sorts of things.” He says gently. “And if it means anything, I like who you are, I'd hate to see you changing just because you're not who everyone says you should be.”
The past two weeks have been really good for him and that's because of Trents presence, he really enjoys learning all about life on the other side of the pond. Trents not like anyone else he ever met in Kansas either, he's honest in a real way not a “if you like it i love it” sort of way.
Trent smiles and pushes a start piece of hair away from his face. “That means quite a lot Theo. Thank you.” Trent readjusts his sitting position and takes a breath. “So what about you? Why'd you need to clear your head today?”
In all fairness it was wishful thinking to assume Trent wouldn't ask. “Oh it's nothing. Just thought I'd take a drive.”
“Theo, it hardly seems fair for me to share something.” He says bluntly.
“I suppose that's true Winnie the Pooh.” He takes a few moments to consider his options. He doesn't owe Trent the truth, doesn't have to open up wounds that aren't finished healing. But Trent was right, it wasn't fair. “My father died. A year ago today.” He says carefully.
And there it is, the look he never wanted Trent to give him. “I'm so sorry, and here I am rambling about my father not liking that I read too much.”
“No, no it's good. I like it. Last year everyone treated me like I was broken or fragile and something. You don't, I think I just wanted to keep it that way for a while.”
Trent nods gently. “Okay Theo.”
“I didn't go to his funeral.” He not sure why he says it, but it's out quicker than he can come up with a reason.
Trent meets his eyes. “Why not?” He asks gently.
Easy enough.
He crosses his arms and looks away from Trent harshly. “Because I hate him.” He says quickly.
There's a pause. “You hate your father for dying?”
“Yes.”
Once again Trent takes a moment before responding. “My grandfather died and I hated him for it. He was the only one that really understood me.” He says.
Something in Theo wants to accept that and it is there, but Trent just doesn't get it.
He shakes his head. “I appreciate you sharing Trent but it's not the same.”
“Of course not, a Grandfather is not comparable to a Father I was just trying to say I understand a little bit.”
It's a stupid comparison and Theo regrets bringing it up in the first place. He shouldn't have told Trent anything because now he's making stupid comparisons about something he could never understand.
“Well you can't, you can't understand.” He says bitterly.
“Why not?”
“Because it's just… it's just different.”
It stuns Trent a bit, Theo being so rough with him and he makes a similar face to earlier when Sam held him against his will. “Okay, I'm sorry I was just trying to help.” He says weakly.
But there's no helping him is there? Like how there was no one to help him that day when he heard that awful sound that still rings in his ears sometimes. Like how the paramedics couldn't do anything to help his Dad survive because he was already gone. How he couldn't help his Dad either.
“You can't help because my father fucking killed himself. He gave up on himself, on his family. I wasn't enough to make him stay, so no Trent you can't help.” He lets out.
Trent stares at him. “Theo.” Is all he can manage and it's in the worst time Theo could possibly imagine right now.
It's the same voice people used when they brought casseroles to his door for three weeks. The same tone his friends used when they would mention their own father's, as if the mere mention of a Dad would make Theo remember he didn't have one.
But the absence was always felt in the empty space at the dinner table, and how much quieter football Sundays were, how his mother smiled so much now that he's gone in order to pretend she's okay. How much more he smiles back at her.
“I don't need your fucking pity. I'm going home. I'll drop you off.”
Theo gets up and doesn't care when Trent doesn't even try to follow him to the passenger seat. He starts the truck with Trent in the back and takes the shortest path back to Trents house. He turns the radio on hoping the static will calm him down, but a quick glance to Trents bruised face in the rearview mirror only makes him feel worse. He swears he could see him wiping a start tear away when at a red light. The static feels a lot louder when he's sitting by himself and after a few minutes it starts to hurt his ears. He shuts it off and drives the rest of the way in silence.