Chapter Text
Almost immediately after leaving, Jay regrets his decision.
He doesn't even know where to pick up hunting Ras again. His best bet had been following that Arin kid, since he seemed so attached to the idea of finding his parents. It made him easy to track. But the parents were found and Arin is back with the ninja again and Ras must be alone, doing whatever the fuck it is he was doing before he had the kid on his side.
And, truth be told, Jay kind of doesn't care about Ras anymore. Not as much as he cares about Nya, or even the other ninja. They're obnoxious and annoying but they're not... terrible. Jay doesn't care about saving the world, but he can appreciate that someone does. He kind of still lives here and would like the Merged Lands to not be destroyed by a giant dragon.
He catches a sparkle on his hand, a tiny reflection of what little moonlight makes it through all this fog. It's the deepstone ring that he made, the cloud and lightning bolt. He only has it because he was still wearing it when shit went down in the Land of Lee, and they haven't really slowed down since they got out of there. Like Lloyd said, they've been busy.
He wonders if Nya still has her ring. If she bothered to wear it, to keep it through all the mess.
Well, if she did, she probably doesn't anymore. Not after what he said in the cave. And that's good. Because he doesn't want her to love him, he doesn't want to ever see her again.
He doesn't.
He wants it more than anything.
Jay is barely out of the City of Temples, and already he wants to turn around.
But the ninja are probably already gone, and it would be beyond embarrassing to crawl back to them after everything he just said.
They were splitting up to go wake a mythical dragon. Nya went to Mysterium alone.
How far is Mysterium again? With a big badass dragon mech, probably not too far. Jay already knows exactly where every realm landed after the Merge. Lots of room up in his head for new memories since he doesn't have his old ones.
Going back won't fix him. Nothing will. He can't remember who he used to be, and he's been shattered. The monster in his heart lives in the hollowed out cracks, without it he has nothing, he's not convinced he can even live without it. But they're going to keep acting like he's someone else if he goes back, like they can save him or something.
Nya said she wouldn't give up on him. Does she mean that? If he can't get his memory back, would she love him still? Even if he can never be the person she remembers? Is it worth trying?
Jay looks at his ring again. He thinks about Nya's necklace, the yang medallion that her Jay gave to her. He thinks about how she knew exactly what to do when he finally let her touch him, every touch and every breath a bolt of lightning. She knew exactly when he wanted to be close and be the small spoon, and when he needed space to breathe, when he wanted her to kiss him, when he just wanted to be held and melt into her. No one just knows all that about him, Jay didn't even know some of that about himself. But she did.
She can't be lying. She wouldn't, would she?
If he goes now, maybe he can find a way to prove himself to her, to help somehow. Jay isn't a hero, but maybe he can be... not a terrible person? That seems doable.
He doesn't remember anything about her from before the tournament. But by the Sources he wants to.
Mysterium. Cave of Tones. He can make it, no problem. All he can do is hope she forgives him.