Chapter Text
Shanks never really grew out of the worrying phase, ever since the Roger pirates disbanded he was in a constant state of worry. Now that Uta came to be in the crew, he felt a sort of swell in his responsibilities as a Captain and a Father. Shanks didn't mind the responsibility now that he had someone to spend his life for again,
Uta was still 9 but easily the most mature out of the whole crew. Benn Beckman would some times wonder, "What would be the fate of the Red-Hair pirates if this kid didn't come to become ours"
The whole crew were her dads, "We all found her together chief!!" Building Snake, the navigator of the ship proclaimed to Shanks who was at that time, holding her for the first time. He would turn his face away from him, pout in the most overdramatic manner and say "No she's mine" which made him a whimsy for the whole crew for the following years to come.
Now that he was crowned an emperor of the sea, Shanks didn't lose his character that much at all, he was always a bit too high maintenance for the crew, only this time for it to increase. whoever he'd been with, even during his brief stay in Elbaph, the giants sure did love his company but it was in the most unfathomable ways he would manage to piss them off.
Shanks' leisure time in the ship was- whenever there wasn't any serious fight, the Red-Hair pirates handled the small fries themselves. Nowadays, in the new world there weren't even anyone who would match par with even the weakest in the ship.
Shanks made his way towards his cabin, sat down of the bed when his leg hit a peculiar box which was kept under his bed. He bent down to get a glimpse of what was going on, only to find an open wooden box stacked up to the brim with old papers. It wasn't like he had forgotten to take them out, no matter how messy his room was at night after a long day he always made sure to sleep in a cleaned up room, so what was the box dong there? he took a hold of it's dusty rim and raised it, keeping it on his lap.
He took out the papers which were at the top of the box, overflowing; slowly dusting through them as they went on, until he found a thinner paper- a bunch actually. Shanks could recognize that texture even if years had gone by. He began to read the letter he had written, the first one being around when he was 14
Buggy,
You fool. I know that's not a polite way of starting a letter. I don't even know why I'm writing these, if I'll ever give them to you or not, but I need to get my frustration out and the reason for 80 percent of my problems is you. As I was saying, you fool don't you know how much it hurts when you head butt me all of the sudden out of nowhere just because I wasn't paying attention?, do you know what it feels like too be physically overpowered by someone the same age as you, and who is also the stupidest creature to exist. You fool just because you're stronger than me FOR NOW doesn't mean you'll be stronger than me forever, and doesn't mean you can abuse that power on me you foolish red nosed fish.
-Shanks
Shanks let out a snort, he really did despise Buggy's physical dominance once. Not anymore, he knew he was at least 10 times stronger than his friend by now. Shanks furrowed his eyebrows as he took out the next paper.
Buggy,
I don't know why you tend to act shied away in front of Captain sometimes, it's not like he holds me any superior to you. You know it's not always about me right? don't hate me please. It's not my fault, I don't know... maybe put up a fight with Captain himself. ILL SUPPORT YOU
-Shanks
Shanks lips curved slightly upwards, amused by the short, irrelevant things he had written when trying to say something big, but didn't muster enough courage for. A part of him wanted to keep reading, but another part knew what would happen if he did. He didn't want it for himself. Shanks was extremely self conscious in letting his emotions show ever since he was a child. He remembered one phrase from his vice captain Rayleigh that defined him as a person with his emotions, "It's okay to cry. You're only ten" Shanks didn't not cry because he thought it was weakness, he mainly suppressed his emotions because he didn't want the people who cared for him to worry the least bit about him.
Shanks' fingers lingered on the edge of the current letter and the one below it, fighting himself whether or not should he flip it, he did anyway,-
KNOCK
Benn Beckman entered the room, "I didn't expect you to find it so early, Chief"
"You- did you keep these here?"
Benn took his cigarette to his mouth and lit it, the flames ignited and died down with the smoke rising out of the tip, going above his loose bangs, "I'm afraid I might have"
"Beck you fool, did you read them?"
Benn sat on the bed next to his captain, and looked him in the eye "I don't think you would mind that, would you chief?"
"OF COURSE I WOUL-" Shanks paused mid sentence, looked back at the wooden box of papers, "It doesn't matter to me anymore" he said in a very low voice, almost as if speaking to himself.
"Chief you're such a coward" Benn whined
Shanks took his hand to his forehead leaning his elbows on his knees, and chuckled at himself "Why does everybody say the same thing?"
"Because you are" Benn confirmed as he got up from the bed and made his way towards the door, "Also this buggy you've written so much to, are you sure he's alive?"
Shanks buried his head deeper into his palm, opening his eyes, which were covered by the other hand. He could only see darkness, words came out his mouth in a hopeful yet confident voice "He's not dying, not sooner than me"
Benn smirked at his captain before closing the door on him, "YOU are the fool here", and walked out, taking his cigarette from his mouth to let out the puff of air he had just sucked in.
Shanks didn't move from his position of clasping his head with his palms like the world depended on it for a good few minutes
He did it impulsively, when he wasn't thinking anything- he took the wooden box and flicked the paper onto the next letter-
Dear Buggy,
It's my birthday, or whatever, I don't really mind what day it is, but I would like to remember this day, not because it was the day when captain revealed my birthday and we had the best celebration ever, but because today is the day that you told me about your dream, your dream about seeing the world, and honestly Buggy, today was the day I realized I didn't have a dream. I'm just a walking clown Buggy, (you might think that you are the clown technically) but,.. I just feel like I don't have anything to look forward to in life. Captain wants to achieve something no man has ever done, and you wanna travel the whole world, but me? I don't know Buggy, I don't even know why or to whom I was born, I have nowhere to go.
My dream didn't exist until those words slipped out of your mouth, "I wanna see all of it...the whole world" those words will forever be etched in my brain, Buggy there was one thing that flashed in my brain when you spilled them "What if I travel the world with him?" I immediately shook it off, why would someone else's dream be mine?, but then later I realized, it wasn't anyone's dream it was yours. After all this time I find something that I can look forward to in life, even though that thing might be totally dependent on you, I think I'm ready to want it. Will you allow it Buggy?
I want to live, I want to live your dream, I want to live your dream with you, if that's all it takes for me to keep on living,
Please Buggy, will you let me see the whole world with you?
-Shanks
Before the final words on the letter even cross Shanks' eyes, they began to well up. He took his forearm to his eyes immediately rubbing off the drop of tear that hadn't yet fallen. He didn't want to risk tearing down on the letter, literally and figuratively. Shanks took a deep breath and huriddly put away all the papers, dashed into the bed, covering his face completely with his cloak using it like a blanket,
"I should've at least given you these letters," he could hear his muffled sobs now, "I'm such a fool"