Chapter Text
November 4th, 2006
Aaron has been learning how to talk. He’s been learning how to be human again. Learning again how to walk on two legs, how to drink water, how to eat with a fork and spoon. He’s learning how to think, it seems. He’s been using the basement, he doesn’t like to be around others as a human, even when he seems to have so much fun around the wolves that doesn’t shapeshift. Aaron is a quiet boy, he likes to sit in the back and just observe what’s happening.
He thinks. His expressions are too transparent.
Andrew has noticed how Aaron flinches when somebody speaks too loud. How it looks like he wants to be smaller until he disappears. Andrew has noticed Aaron doesn’t like to be around Abby or the older girls, but he follows Katelyn and other younger wolves around.
Still, Aaron isn’t the talkative type. He doesn’t take the initiative most of the time, but Andrew has noticed Aaron does take the initiative when it’s about Neil. Like, he keeps picking fights with Neil. A dumb move, to be honest, but it piques Andrew's curiosity the most. Almost as much as the way Aaron is incredibly shy when Kevin is around him in his human form, but doesn’t have a second thought to run towards Kevin for pets in his wolf form.
Anyway, Andrew developed this game with Aaron. You ask me one question, I ask you a question. Everything's a deal at the end of the day, you give something, I give you something. Andrew has been using Aaron’s letters as a guide, to see if his brother's memories are in good shape. Do you like blue? Andrew will ask Aaron, and his brother will reply with a nod or shaking his head. Then Aaron will point his finger at Andrew, his turn, Andrew likes blue, he has learned to like it thanks to Neil.
The conversations always reach an end when Andrew brings up Tilda or Luther or Nicky. Every single time, when Andrew mentions those names, Aaron makes the most pained expression before walking away. It’s a progress, at least he doesn’t turn into a wolf anymore.
Today, however, something changed. It’s Aaron’s birthday.
Last night, Neil helped him sneak into the town’s library to “borrow” one of those huge medical anatomy books for Aaron. Andrew doesn’t believe there's a way for Aaron to get into college, but Neil keeps saying that he will find a way. Andrew feels like he can believe in Neil, so they got his brother the fucking anatomy book. Andrew doesn’t directly give Aaron the book, instead, he slides it into Aaron’s bed at night, when his brother is busy sleeping in a pile of wolves around the fire. If he saw it, he had no way to know it was him. It was the perfect plan, until it was not.
Kevin and Neil had plans with Wymack, high school shit, so Andrew decided to stay in the room, listening to the new CD Matt got for Neil. Something he got from the friend of a friend of a friend that worked for Moon Records or something like that. Andrew was listening to this song about running away from lions when he heard the quick steps of somebody running up the stairs.
Nobody comes to their bedroom, it’s a forbidden place. But the steps are familiar and so is the smell.
The intruder is Aaron. He kicks open the door of Kevin, Neil and Andrew’s bedroom, and as soon as his eyes find Andrew, he’s walking towards him, speaking, demanding. “You, you, you, you.”
Aaron throws the book at Andrew’s chest, it is heavy, but Andrew doesn’t care. Worse things have been thrown in his direction. He’s more affected by Aaron, who looks like he’s been crying for a long time.
“Me,” Andrew replies, when Aaron finally arrives at the bed and holds Andrew by the collar of his shirt. “Happy birthday, I guess.”
Aaron doesn’t have time to react when Andrew grabs him by the neck and pushes him straight to the floor, pushing his entire weight on top of Aaron. They’re similar in many ways, except in this one: Andrew is stronger than his brother. And if Aaron has chosen violence, Andrew can give him violence.
Nobody will lay a finger over Andrew again, not even his own blood. Perhaps Andrew isn’t a good older brother, he doesn’t know about cleaning tears or hugs.
Aaron is relentless under him, Andrew lets go of his neck to hold his brother's hands against the floor, at the side of his head.
Aaron growls, but he doesn’t turn into a wolf. That must mean something, but Andrew doesn’t know what, yet.
“You started,” Andrew states and the words feel weird in his mouth, like this is some kind of thing that normal brothers say. But they’re not normal brothers. “Then, finish.”
Aaron doesn’t reply, he just looks at Andrew with so much hate that Andrew is almost impressed. Aaron smells like anger, like fire and ashes. But he also smells like something else, something bittersweet. They stay in the same position for what feels like years, staring into each other's eyes.
Andrew can feel Aaron’s scarred skin against his hand, so his gaze drops into Aaron’s neck, where the marks of the silver collar stay.
“You,” Aaron finally gasps, bearing his silly human fangs, before slowly pronouncing: “Kill…lled, her.”
Ah. It seems like Andrew can’t have a break from that wretched woman. He’s been expecting this talk for months, since Aaron is the cause of everything.
“I don’t regret it,” Andrew says and needs to use more force to keep Aaron in his place when it looks like he wants to tear. “She hurt you. She took you from me and hurt you.”
“Don’t!” Aaron lashes out, words slurred, he isn’t used to his own voice yet. Andrew knows that feeling.
“It’s the truth and you know that.” There’s a pause, Andrew leans in, closer to his brother, he lowers his voice like he’s about to tell a secret. Well, maybe it is a secret, something so obvious for him but that Aaron doesn’t seem to be aware of.
“I think you hated her too for this,” Andrew whispers, letting go of Aaron's hands, as he looks at him from above. “For turning you into a wolf, for making you her slave, for taking me in when you were gone, for killing me.”
Aaron lands a punch on Andrew's nose so hard that Andrew worries about his brother's fingers. What to do when an unstoppable object collides with an immovable one? That's what happens when wolves fight among themselves, sometimes.
It’s just one hit and it looks like it drained Aaron’s energy. Aaron doesn’t fight anymore and uses his forearm to hide his face.
“Hate,” Aaron says, at the same time a drop from Andrew’s bloody nose falls into Aaron’s check. “You.”
Andrew feels like smiling, even when the feeling doesn’t reach his mouth.
What a pathetic, fragile and deceptive thing his brother, his twin is: Aaron doesn’t even smell like lies, he smells like creeks and hope and hurt. After everything, even when all the people in this house think the same, Aaron can’t hate him.
Tilda didn’t make them fairly, she gave all the hatred to Andrew and all the forgiving to Aaron.
Andrew chose to go with Tilda because of Aaron, Andrew killed Tilda because of Aaron, Andrew got killed because of Aaron, Andrew got turned into a wolf because Aaron looked for help. If Aaron hated him, fuck, if Aaron really hated him, why did he choose to keep him alive? Aaron was free, he could run away and live his life as a wolf. And still, he came back to Andrew.
“I will do it, again,” Andrew promises, as he cleans his blood from Aaron's face, he doesn’t like how it looks on him. “Whoever hurts you, I'll kill them. So tell that girl Katelyn to be careful with you.”
Aaron already gave her his Wolf, so she needs to do a good job taking care of him. Somebody has to be gentle with Aaron, Andrew doesn’t know how and maybe that's why his brother has this soft spot for Kevin.
Andrew stands up and offers his hand to Aaron, who actually accepts it, as he rubs his nose with his forearm. Icky, Aaron is not a pretty crier.
“You. Care…ful,” Aaron manages says, as he goes to the bed to take his book back, he holds it with so much care, like it’s some kind of baby. When he has the book secured against his chest, Aaron gazes at Andrew. “Ke…vin, Ne…il.”
“He cares about you.”
Aaron leaves with light steps, two floors down, Andrew hears Katelyn making a scene about the blood.
Andrew wonders what kind of doctor Aaron would be, only time can tell.
Their birthday falls on a cold November night.
Against his will, the Wymack pack throws a birthday party for Aaron and him. Every person and wolf was invited, the food served on the table smelled nice.
Abby baked the big cake they’ll be sharing. None of them knows when to blow the candles, so they just let them melt in an awkward silence. For a moment, Andrew catches Aaron looking at him with something that looks like regret, like mourning.
They’ve been alive for eighteen years and this is the first time they get to celebrate at the same time.
At some point, somebody brings the big stereo to the courtyard and the party begins with a mixtape of music that goes from country to heavy metal. The pack doesn’t care, they just dance, laugh, and talk and sing. It's weird, to see them like this as humans.
In the middle of the courtyard, Andrew catches Katelyn trying to teach his brother how to slow dance and Aaron’s face is so red that Andrews worries about his twin passing away right there.
“Do you dance?” Kevin asks next to Andrew, his body close enough to feel the heat. It’s a crazy thing, to have summer this close to winter.
“Will you teach me if not?” Andrew replies, his pinky finger touching Kevin’s hand as an invitation that Kevin gladly accepts.
Then Andrew notices how Aaron and Katelyn's faces are getting closer, and closer, and…
He turns to Kevin, he feels like want to see only pretty things tonight. Talking about pretty things, Andrew smells winter smoke before he can feel Neil’s chin over his shoulder.
“Let’s go, we planned something just for you, Drew” Neil says, barely containing anticipation spilling out in his voice and he takes Kevin’s free hand.
“Follow us?” Kevin always asks the silliest questions. As if Andrew weren't going to follow them around for the rest of his life.
Before anybody in the party can notice, the three of them are running back into the forest.
Just three figures sneaking into the trees, just three boys holding hands like it’s a lifeboat, just three souls connected where it really matters.
As long as they never let him go, as long as Andrew can keep them between his fingers, Andrew feels like they could run until the end of the world, back and forth.
They arrive at their spot on the mountain, the one where they can look over the forest and see the tiny light in the dark that is Wymack’s house. Neil lights the campfire while Kevin is checking everything in their tent. The weather is colder, and as much as Andrew wishes that his and Neil's bodies were enough to keep Kevin warm, their witch is only human.
Andrew thinks about The Witch waking on fire without getting burned.
Neil brings the blankets, he tends them close to the fire and they lie on them, watching the night sky. There’s not a single star shining above them, just clouds and clouds. Kevin uses Andrew’s arm as a pillow, he’s been getting really pampered lately, and since Andrew gave him permission, Kevin has been showing his clingy side when nobody but Neil can see them. Neil rests his head over Andrew’s chest, the weight is comforting, Neil says he likes to hear Andrew’s heartbeat and that he has memorized them just like Kevin’s.
Even on a night like this, at the end of autumn, Andrew finds himself incapable of getting cold.
“Do you think it’s gonna rain?” Kevin wonders, his mouth dangerously close to Andrew’s ear. Andrew has this sense that Kevin isn’t looking at the sky.
Andrew hums as he plays with Kevin’s long hair, a night waterfall at his finger’s reach.
“It doesn’t smell like rain, though,” Neil points out, his hand caressing Kevin’s over Andrew’s chest. “Perhaps snow? You get extra friendly whenever it snows.”
“Shut up, that’s not true!” Kevin splutters, hiding his face against Andrew’s arm. It’s kinda cute and Andrew does remember Kevin asking him to sleep together every night of winter when they were kids. “Your body is warmer, of course I want to be closer.”
“Now you have me, and Drew, let’s see if you don’t get more greedy than that,” Neil teases him, Andrew closes his eyes and can hear Neil’s smug smile.
“I would like it to snow,” Kevin comments, after a silence, “I would love to see the first snow together.”
“Why so?” Andrew asks, his free hand reaching for Neil’s messy bun, taking the band off so Neil’s hair can be free. It’s getting longer. Andrew likes to touch it, it’s soft and gets easily tangled, so Neil always needs their help to brush it.
Kevin doesn’t reply, but Neil's heart goes faster, Andrew can guess he already knows the answer. It’s Neil who presses Kevin with a soft: “C’mon, Drew would love to know.”
“My mom used to say.” Fuck, Kevin sounds really embarrased right now, voice all soft and shy, he rubs his face against Andrew arm enough for Andrew to look down at him. “If you watch the first snow of the year with somebody, you’ll stay with them forever.”
Who would have guessed that Kevin could be such a hopeful dreamer? A surprise to everyone except Andrew. Kevin is a romantic; it's easy to see when they're alone. Neil loves to exploit that trait, recite some ugly poem, or bring him some flowers and Kevin would end as a blushed mess and he would make out with Neil until their mouths are bruised and Andrew can smell the salty sweetness of wanting.
“We watched the first snow with Neil two years ago, and we,” Kevin says, placing his index finger against Andrew’s chest, “saw it when we were kids.”
Andrew closes his eyes, he can see a younger Kevin, holding his hand, looking through the window. His eyes shining, his smile radiant like the first ray of summer. He remembers blowing on the window, using his breath to write their names: Andrew and Kevin. He can even remember the sorrow when Kevin drew a heart around both names. Like Kevin was so happy about them, he wasn’t scared about the world around them, the world that didn’t know about magic and tethers.
“I’m fine with that,” Neil confesses, his eyes facing Andrew’s face, so blue, so perfect, so alluring. “We watched the first winter snow together once, Drew. How are you feeling about all of us catching it this year?”
Memories come easy lately, it just takes for Andrew to close his eyes, to picture a big red wolf shaking the snow from his body, barking at snowflakes and stealing Andrew’s scarf to play with it. Andrew remembers throwing snowballs to Neil, so he could catch them in the air. Andrew can almost evoke how cold Neil’s tongue was when he licked his cheek in gratitude.
“Second thoughts about this?” It’s Kevin who asks, trying to hide the light tremor in his voice.
Andrew could laugh, as if there’s any possibility of Andrew getting away from them. Because that’s the deal: he never wanted to get away from them at the first time.
When he was a kid, Andrew wanted somebody who could love him, a mother, a family.
On the way, he found Kevin, a boy with summer in his hands and honey on his lips; a boy who looked at Andrew the same way sailors look at lighthouse in stormy nights. A boy who would sing lullabies for him the way Andrew’s mother never did, and that would ease his nightmares and would ask for his hand when he was scared, a boy who saw Andrew like a striking light capable of erasing any evil shadow on his life. A young boy who wanted to fucking marry, since when do little boys want to get married? He gave Andrew a ring made of leaves and life and promises. And then, they fucking took Kevin from him, not even sparing a memory of that innocent and stupid young love.
Years later, Andrew clung to this woman who was willing to be his mother, no matter how torturous it was; it was a price he was willing to pay, for love, for belonging, for a family; to let the monster to feast and destroy. Then, a monster, a wolf came along and saved him, and protected him, and took him under his care even when his mother kept telling him how big of a mistake that was. The wolf didn’t care, because Andrew was a sunrise on the beach for him, and this stupid wolf with a brain so small, used it just to care about Andrew. And the wolf wanted him, and the wolf gave Andrew his soul with a love so pure, so fierce that the wolf’s mom had to erase Andrew’s memories about that.
The world is an unfair place. Andrew came this far thinking he was never wanted, assuming that nobody would want him; broken and odd, something that’s not pretty or valuable or important. The world took away two boys who loved him, two boys who wanted nothing but gave everything for and to Andrew. Andrew has them now, yeah, but there’s always this little voice reminding him that he had them before, and he lost them. He fucking lost them.
What if he loses them again? No. Andrew can’t let that happen, he won’t let that happen again. Andrew has Kevin and Neil again, that’s everything that mattered.
(He has Aaron too, but he doesn’t want to think about his brother when he has the summer and the winter at arms length.)
So, yeah. They’re just not the same anymore. None of them. Not the same kids watching the snow together. Kevin’s is rougher around the edges, so is Neil. Kevin is haunted by the ghost of his ex pack and Neil is haunted by the years on the run, the loss of a mother, the threat of a monster.
Kevin had years living without him, and just two embracing Neil’s warmth. Kevin had nothing but this name he whispers in his dreams: Jean, the reason he betrayed the Moriyama pack; sometimes Andrew feels something like jealousy, but it gets drowned when Kevin reminds him they still need to marry. Neil is not the same, their time together was brief and most of the time, it was just Andrew trying to interpret the world behind the wolf’s eyes and the warmth of his body against Andrew, looking back, dying would be such an easy thing to do without Neil around. Andrew knew a wolf, and Neil knew a kid too scared and too angry to even give his name. Still, he gave him his wolf.
And Andrew…
“I’m not the same,” Andrew mutters, because at the end of the day, there’s something inside him telling him he doesn’t deserve something like this, that eventually, he will mess everything up. “You haven’t seen everything I am, or what I was.”
Andrew was a broken kid when he met Kevin, and he was even more broken when Neil found him. Fuck, he was dead when they found him again. To believe they could still want the parts of him that makes the full picture, and even the holes. To believe they could love him again.
“We knew you weren’t the Andrew we met,” Kevin explains, soft, like he knows he holds Andrew’s word on the tip of his tongue. “We don’t care, you were Andrew, you are Andrew, we changed too and you want us anyway.”
“They know you want them, and they want you too.”
Andrew looks at them, their eyes, their noses, their mouths. They’re a dream, they’re the kind of things people invented to fight the feeling of mortality, because there’s some things that are worthy of dying for. Things worthy of living for, in this case.
Andrew can't help but remember one of the few memories he actually has about Kayleigh Day. It was weeks before her death, she took them to watch the stars and to learn how to recognize constellations.
She told them that everybody is born with holes, and you find people to fill those spaces.
Tonight, he can't help but think: it’s easier to need more than one person.
They made him feel complete.
The first snow of the year falls just in time to be a nice birthday present.
Not as nice as Kevin and Neil are, against him, so close that Andrew feels like he could trap them inside his ribs and to never let them go. Like he wants to consume until all their flesh and blood blends into something mixed, something that can’t be separated.
Now that he found them, there’s no way Andrew would leave them behind. He will follow Kevin to Southern Oregon University, he will find a tiny room where they can live, he will get a false ID with Neil’s help, he’s gonna find a job or something like that. Then, when Neil finishes high school he’s gonna be sure they get themselves their fucking diplomas. Kevin said he should get into tattooing, but Andrew hasn’t considered it yet.
As long as they stick together, they can make it work.
Andrew feels his skin tingling and his heart racing when Kevin gets closer, placing his hand over Andrew’s heart, murmurs against his ear.
“Let’s be home, Drew."
Andrew still feels like an autumn leaf at the wind’s mercy when Neil’s lips brush his neck. Breath hot, melting the snowflakes that fall into their faces.
“Let’s be forever, Drew."
And Andrew? There's only one right answer tonight.
“Let’s just be,” he held his breath, before adding, " together."
"That would be enough.”
There's a pause, as the cold snowflakes melt into their clothes and the fire dances.
“Andrew,” Neil sings his name, as he rolls to place both of his hands over Andrew’s chest, his chin over them. Neil gives Kevin one of those looks and now Kevin is shifting in his place, looking at Andrew's face like he’s some kind of miracle. “You sound like you want to kiss us, Drew.”
“May we… kiss you?” Kevin says and sounds like a plea. He’s trembling and Andrew can't blame him, this could be a miscalculation on Neil’s side.
Luckily, Neil is good at math.
“Yes.”
Here goes his heart on his sleeve, falling for summer breeze and winter smoke. For the smell of cigarettes and clovers.
Kevin kisses him like a song made with the strings of his soul. Neil kisses him like a spell to ease every broken part.
It’s warm, it’s shy, it’s nice and it’s safe.
Andrew supposes, this is what love feels like.
Their mouths taste like home, like belonging, like future and…
Love.
Fuck, he fell hard, didn't he? Twice with the same rocks.
But it's okay, you see?
In their lips, Andrew learns how enough and forever feels. It’s sweet and bitter, and he can't get enough.
Andrew feels like he wants to spend every sunrise next to them.