Chapter Text
Sakura isn’t new when it comes to bad habits. He’s been around alcoholics, smokers, and was witness to sketchy drug deals on multiple occasions.
It’s the reason why he stayed away from it altogether; he knew and saw what it did to people.
His second foster father was a drinker. Beer bottles strewn across the floor, the smell of booze, and the slurred speech in which he spoke were all considerably normal things.
There was one night where he’d came back completely wasted. Sakura had seen him angry, but usually all it took was for him to hide in his room to avoid it. Sakura had failed, and was caught sneaking to the bathroom. Unlucky timing, really.
He yelled at him, loud enough that it shook the windows and probably woke up a few neighbors. He had thrown an empty beer bottle at Sakura’s head, just barely missing him by a hair. The glass pieces had still gotten him, cutting his cheek and forehead, before falling to the floor.
Sakura didn’t stay long with him after that. He still has the small scar on his forehead and a hatred of drunk men to thank him for.
—
The cold air hits Sakura’s face immediately, sending goosebumps down his spine and up his arms.
It’s still technically summer, some random day in late August that he can’t bother to remember in the moment. Sakura doesn’t know when the temperature dropped, but he guesses it’s because it’s almost autumn. Autumn is good. It means he’ll finally escape the summer heat that makes him and everyone else unnecessarily angry.
He rubs at his arms absentmindedly. Suo takes hold of his wrist, and motions towards some stone steps.
“Sit here.”
“What a gentleman.” Sakura sits his butt down on the step with a little too much force. The sarcasm doesn’t miss Suo, and he laughs.
“If I really was, I would’ve given you my sweater if I had one.”
Sakura curls in on himself, “It’s not that cold.”
“Whatever you say.” Suo digs inside his pant pocket and takes out a blue lollipop. He points it towards Sakura.
It’s Sakura’s favorite brand and flavor. He takes it, twirls it between his fingers, “Do you always have these on hand?”
A laugh, “Maybe.”
“That’s—“ Sakura tries to find the right word. He still thinks he’s a little tipsy. He rests his head on his knees, playing with the lollipop between his teeth.
He ultimately decides on, “Weird.”
“I guess it became a habit,” Suo locks eyes with Sakura, “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah. I’ll never get why people do this.” He groans, the familiar taste of blue raspberry fills his taste buds. It’s comforting; not at all like the bitter alcohol he tasted just an hour before.
“It’s definitely not the most pleasant experience.”
“How are you completely fine?”
“I’m immune.”
Sakura glares. He finds that the alcohol made him much less patient with Suo’s bullshit.
As if sensing Sakura’s growing anger, Suo starts, “I only had one drink. I can’t say the same for everyone else, though.”
“Shut up.”
Sakura’s eyes begin to droop despite himself. The sound of Suo’s breathing is weirdly comforting.
“You shouldn’t fall asleep with a stick in your mouth, Sakura.”
He feels the lollipop being pulled out of his mouth, and opens his eyes with a copious amount of effort.
“I’m not falling asleep.”
The words come out slightly slurred. Sakura picks up his head and waits for the blurriness to leave his vision. When it clears enough, Sakura forces himself to stand. He refuses to actually pass out in front of someone else’s home.
“Be careful.”
Sakura stumbles, slightly, and pushes Suo’s hand away. “I’m fine.”
Suo puts an arm around his shoulder regardless, a gesture that Sakura has gotten scarily used to.
“Whatever you say.” The tassels of his earrings brush against Sakura’s cheek.
The warmth is nice. Sakura doesn’t push him off, this time.
—
Sakura vows to never let Nirei have alcohol again. Maybe it’s overbearing, but he doesn’t care. He can already hear Kiryu’s voice in the back of his mind telling him to stop being like his mother. Sakura never had one, so he doesn’t get what Kiryu means when he says that.
Nirei leans his body weight against Sakura. He’s practically a rag doll, limbs loose and feet stumbling for balance. He had refused to let go of Sakura when the time came for them to walk back to their houses; Suo had given Sakura a teasing but almost pitiful look.
“I’m disappointed,” Suo had leaned in towards Sakura, “I wanted to walk you home myself.”
Nirei heard it, somehow. He said, loud enough to echo down the street, “Let me have him for once!” And that was enough for Suo to go wide-eyed, and for Sakura to laugh before he could stop it.
Kiryu and Tsuge react in tandem, only a few feet away, laughing loud enough to wake up Kiryu’s neighbors. It’s one of the first and only times Sakura had ever seen visible apprehension on Suo’s face. He’d describe it as embarrassment if he knew any better.
“Well, it’s time to leave.” Suo dutifully pushes Tsuge away from them, leaving a laughing Kiryu squatting outside his house by himself.
Sakura says his farewells to him before turning away and leaving too, all while supporting a drunk Nirei. Once they’re alone, Nirei says something that has Sakura leaning in to hear better.
“It’s not fair.”
“What is?”
Nirei looks up at him, teary eyed and pouting. “Suo has you all to himself! I know you’re dating, but—this is—“
“Huh?” Sakura thought he heard wrong.
Nirei pauses. “What? Why are you,” he hiccups, “looking at me like that?”
Sakura blushes all the way down to the tips of his ears, “We’re not dating!”
“…Huh?”
—
Nirei meets him at school the next morning, apologies profusely coming out of his mouth. Sakura has to stop him from physically bowing down and planting his forehead and palms to the floor.
—
There isn’t a lot that’s able to scare Sakura. He prides himself in this, as it’s one of the only things he has going for him.
He still has nightmares of his past and fits of panic that take form in irregular heartbeats and nausea, though. He still thinks about the time Nirei got hurt, and about all the other times in the future where it may happen again. He thinks about it happening to anyone, really, and it makes him feel slightly sick.
Sakura guesses this is what true fear is. He didn’t know it until he had actual people to lose. He wonders if everyone else feels this way, and how it doesn’t constantly eat away at them. He had asked this once to Suo.
“People don’t tend to put that much thought towards the future, maybe.”
“How?” He asked, incredulous.
“I can’t exactly answer that. I believe it’s more that they don’t like to think about it,” Suo scribbles something on his paper, and puts his pencil down. “Out of sight, out of mind. ‘I’ll deal with it when I get there.’ That’s what they say, right?”
“That type of thing can turn on you.” Sakura doesn’t know what letting his guard down means. Relaxation was never something that came to him naturally; it was earned. It’s practiced. It always has been that way.
“It can. Life is what you make it. But sometimes, things happen that are out of anyone’s control,” He smiles, and it’s muted, maybe a little bit sad, “I think that’s the hardest pill to swallow.”
Sakura pauses. He thinks, and doesn’t really like the conclusion he comes to.
“I’m tired.” is all he replies with. Suo says nothing. He smiles and takes a strand of hair out of Sakura’s eyes instead.
Sakura’s entire body goes warm. He blames it on the sun shining through the class windows.
—
Waking up in a cold sweat was never ideal.
Sakura hates the way his heart thuds in his ears, his hair sticking to his forehead in gross clumps. The feeling of panic lingers, and his eyes bolt around his dark room on reflex. He exhales shakily, once, twice, before determining that there’s no threat.
He kicks something solid when he moves to stand up. It groans, and Sakura’s hackles raise immediately. As if sensing his panic, it speaks again.
“Kicking me isn’t very nice, Sakura.”
His fists come down immediately, “Suo.”
“That’s right,” a head of auburn hair comes out from under the sheets, “Did something happen?”
The moonlight coming in from the patio door is enough for Sakura to see him. His eyepatch is slightly askew, hair sticking up in odd places. It’d be cute if Sakura’s heart wasn’t still slightly pounding against his rib cage.
“No,” it comes out a bit breathless, “Just a bad dream. Sorry.”
Suo stares at him for what feels like ages. Sakura has come to figure out that it means he’s thinking on what to say. The first few times it happened, he’d thought Suo was trying to pick a fight with him.
“No need. Do you want to talk about it?”
He does this often—giving Sakura an opening, an invitation to talk if he wants to. It feels a lot like he’s asking for permission. Sakura doesn’t really know what for, though he figures it’s because Suo has always been the most well-mannered out of the majority of his friends. He thinks that there’s barely a need to do so. They’ve known each other for long enough to where Sakura’s defensive walls have long been destroyed.
He appreciates it anyways, and though he doesn’t say this to Suo, he’s almost certain that he knows. They have conversations without words, sometimes. A gap in time where neither says anything, but a deep understanding lingers regardless. Kind of like now, with Sakura pressed against his cold window, and Suo on his knees with his mussed hair and a smile that leaves Sakura questioning things he never would dare say out loud.
“I don’t remember. Something stupid, probably.” Sakura shivers. His shirt sticks to his torso in weird ways. He takes steps towards his closet, grabs a shirt, and turns his back to Suo. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
He hears Suo hum before stepping in and closing the door.