Chapter Text
Mark 💜
Saturday 9 June
17:47
Jenson 💚
hey mate
you good?
havent heard from you in a while
__
Mark 💜
Monday 11 June
15:12
Seb 💛
Wibbah
You have not been present in your own group chat in a week
Are you alive?
__
Mark 💜
Thursday 14 June
09:32
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
I'm coming by your apartment later to drop off dinner for you. I hope you're doing okay, mate.
Mark 💜 has notifications silenced
__
Seb 💛, Lewis ❤, Jenson 💚, Nico 🧡, Kimi 💙, Fernando ⬛⬜
Saturday 16 June
11:58
Seb 💛 created unnamed group
Seb 💛 added Lewis ❤️
Seb 💛 added Jenson 💚
Seb 💛 added Nico 🧡
Seb 💛 added Kimi 💙
Seb 💛 added Fernando ⬛️⬜️
Seb 💛
I'm worried for Mark
Kimi 💙
Yes
Jenson 💚
has he texted anyone back recently?
i hav eno idea what happene
d
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
I went to his apartment on Thursday to drop off food but he didn't answer the door.
That or he wasn't home but I assume it was the former.
Lewis ❤️
I feel like nothing happened in the last few races or days to get him especially worked up, this does seem abnormal
...
is he mad?
Nico 🧡
oh mercy i hope not
mad wibbah is a nightmare
Seb 💛
Don't I know it
Nico 🧡
alr well don't be too pushy
Jenson 💚
i want to hug the redisent wibbah
he does not deserve this
whatjverrer it is
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
He does prefer to be the tough guy most of the time.
Whatever happened, he's probably trying to get over it on his own and then act like nothing happened. If that's the case, we won't hear from him for weeks.
Mark needs to know that his friends love him and are there for him, and that he can turn to us for support
Lewis ❤️
...
nando
You're gonna make us cry
Kimi 💙
too late
Seb 💛
see even Kimi cried
Kimi 💙
Right
Nando being nice
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
Far be it from me to actually care about any of you??
Seb 💛
Quite far it can seem sometimes
__
mark is panicking
Sunday 17 June
18:30
Jenson 💚
how is everyones day?
i love you all sm
Nico 🧡
i'm doing alr
i agree w jens this chat is awesome and you guys are the best
thanks mark for finally making a chat with all seven of us haha, much needed
Lewis ❤️
Genuinely where would we be without Mark
Our goat 🫶
Kimi 💙
Love you guys
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
Good to see this chat back
Love you all too.
Seb 💛
ALL OF YOU ARE THE BEEESSSTTT 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛
bless mark for making this chat
__
Mark 💜
Monday 18 June
01:49
Mark 💜
jens
are you awake?
02:03
Mark 💜
sorry ik you're not
it's far too late for you to reply to this
sleep well
02:31
Mark 💜
actually can you text me when you're up?
no hurry or anything
04:12
Jenson 💚
oh my goodness mark i'm so sorry
are you alright?
Mark 💜
yeah
Jenson 💚
mark.
Mark 💜
uh
mark is panicking
Jenson 💚
at least mark is alive ♡
Mark 💜
jens i'm going to throw up again
Jenson 💚
yeah?
find a toilette
Mark 💜
fernando has a girlfriend
Jenson 💚
what.
ok those were not the words i expected to come from you
how do you know
and do you have any confromimation
Mark 💜
he told me
[View attached image]
and he's been seen w a woman recently according to the press
it looks intimate
no
sorry this isn't your problem i shouldn't throw this at you jens i'm so sorry
Jenson 💚
amrk no thi sis not for you to deal with alone
you shouldnt feel guilty about coming ot me fo r help
im here for you okay?
were going to do some stalkihng and find out about this lady because i assure you somebody has aslready done a deep dive on her
Mark 💜
you're the best man alive i love you sm
Jenson 💚
always here for you wibbah
promise me youll take care of yourself and keep your head up no matter what
cause men aint what?
Mark 💜
SSSHHHHH
wait can't get fined by the fcc
Jenson 💚
thats a nice reference that would only make sense if this fic was set 15 years later
Mark 💜
i don't want to google nano's girlfriend
i hate that word
Jenson 💚
oh queen i got you
04:22
Jenson 💚
uh
shes
a
um
shes a model
Mark 💜
WHAT THE HECK
okay
WHY
okay
okay okay okay okayokayokayokayokayokay
i hate myself
i knew he was straight
i do this every time he bes straight
you've seen this breakdown before
Jenson 💚
mark your breakdowns are like snowflakes
no two are alike and the meltdown is glorious
Mark 💜
that's true i can panic quite cinematically
Jenson 💚
ok you want the rundown?
Mark 💜
...
yeah
Jenson 💚
name is marta czuba
shes two years older than him
polish model and philantorppist
philaontoprpti
philiantohorpishist
money give awayer
hasnt been seen with anyone else notable in recent years
didnt find any social pages
she seems to like the ocolur yellow
she jsut go tback from a yearlong trip building houses in sumatra after the eaethquake
Mark 💜
great so she's literally perfect
Jenson 💚
[View attached image]
and shes gorgeous
i hate her
Mark 💜
hey no we don't hate on wags just for being wags
Jenson 💚
valid actually i love everybody and humanity is beautiuflul
(˶ˆᗜˆ˵)
she is the ideal human specifmen
Mark 💜
i want to be her best friend but also my life would be so much easier if she didn't exist
Jenson 💚
think of the sumatrans.
Mark 💜
I DID
THAT MAKES IT WORSE
Jenson 💚
have you seen her in public yet?
i feel like you need to meet her before you judge
what if shes secretly really maen
Mark 💜
yeah cause that would be right on point
Jenson 💚
:(((((
im so sorry mark
i really dont know how to hlep but im here for you and ill be your wingman any time
Mark 💜
i feel like that's not how that phrase goes
Jenson 💚
dont kill the mood wibbah
__
Daniel
Monday 18 June
13:21
Jenson 💚
HI DAAAANIEEELLLL
Daniel
JEEENNSONNN BUTTONNNN
Jenson 💚
my partner in life and crime
i need your help
and your whimsy
more your whimsy really
Daniel
I love whimsy.
Jenson 💚
FABULOUS
me and you and seb, kimi, wibbah, fernando, lewis, and nico are going out all together and were going to have a fantastic night
ehlp me make that happen
Daniel
This seems like a fantastic plan. Is Mark doing alright now?
Jenson 💚
well
no
thats the goal of our evening
Daniel
The way you take care of your friends and love them is honestly so hot.
I'm thinking a night out for drinks is the most plausible solution. Did you have any other ideas?
Jenson 💚
uhh
not really
you come over and we eat takeout
Daniel
I like that idea a great deal.
__
Seb 💛
Tuesday 19 June
12:01
Seb 💛
Hey mate, just checking in?
Are you taking care of yourself? I'm not in the mood to score all of Red Bull's points
Mark 💜
haha yeah mate i'm alright
thanks for being a nice guy
well
nice as a sebi can be
i appreciate you :)
Seb 💛
:))))
Do you want to talk or can I just be here for you?
Mark 💜
nah it's just stuff with fernando
and
his girlfriend
Seb 💛Seb
NO
HE DIDNT
Mark 💜
HE DID
but
i'm in a denial of sorts so please talk about kimi or something
let me believe romance isn't dead
Seb 💛
...
this is reminding me of me and Kimi a while back haha
__
October 2006
Seb looks to Kimi expectantly. Can the other man say anything? Anything at all? Not that speaking is his style, but it sure would help, if only just for a moment.
"I already knew."
Seb blinks.
Blinks again.
"You... what?" He mutters. "How?"
"You look at guys the same way you look at your girlfriends. I thought you knew I knew," Kimi replies, shaking his head like it's nothing. The Finnish reaction.
Seb isn't sure whether to laugh or roll his eyes as he takes a sip of his drink and nods. "I mean, I thought I was a subtle bisexual, and you'd have more of a reaction to me coming out, yeah?"
Kimi shrugs. "It's time for more gay and bi drivers. Good to find others."
Now Seb's sitting straight up looking Kimi in the eye at this bombshell statement. "What do you mean, others?" he asks hurriedly, looking around like another driver will appear right behind him at the bar table. Suddenly he's far too aware of how loud he's speaking, who may be listening, what exact words he uses. "Are you...?"
Kimi nods and sips his whiskey, looking around the club and then back to Seb. "Something like that, yeah." He leans in with that spacey grin of his that Seb wishes he could paint or photograph, simply to have it forever preserved. "My lone mistress is solitude."
"Poetic," chuckles Seb. "Are you busy tomorrow?"
Kimi looks up for a moment and then shakes his head, and that's a lie but he can cancel some things for this good cause. "No. Why?"
Seb's like the Cheshire Cat now, grinning and twisting around Kimi before the silent man knows what's happening. Kimi isn't thinking as Seb takes Kimi's empty glass to the counter and slides €30 to the bartender, taking a toothpick to fiddle with between his teeth.
Really, it's unfair, the way Seb's glowing under the club light. His blond hair, now golden by the magic of fluorescent lighting and perhaps one too many scotches. Kimi finds himself painfully aware of the German behind him, holding up his coat.
"You want to go back to my place?"
Kimi doesn't have to think. He just nods.
__
Present
Oscar
Wednesday 20 June
13:48
Oscar
hi mr mark :-D
are you going to wint he race?
Mark 💜
Haha, I sure hope so! Thanks for the support, Oscar 👊
Oscar
👊
😀
i had a question.
Mark 💜
Yeah?
Fire away.
Oscar
my friend said your'e so good because you cheat. do you cheat?
i told her you don't.
Mark 💜
Of course I don't cheat, that's not how you work your way up to Formula 1. Thanks for defending my honour, haha!
Oscar
always 🔥🐧
Mark 💜
...
What's the penguin for Osc?
Oscar
i like penguins 😀😃
i told her nico is the cheater anyways
mum says the german auto industry is a word i'm not allowed to say
Mark 💜
Hey so maybe let's not!
Nico's an interesting little bugger, though. I have his number if you want to go terrorise him.
__
+64 (039) 742-7874
Wednesday 20 June
13:56
+64 (039) 742-7874
do you cheat?
mr mark says you're an interesting little bugger
Nico 🧡
tf?
___
mark is panicking
Wednesday 20 June
13:59
Nico 🧡
mark you didn't
Mark 💜
nico i did
i cannot say no to this kid
Jenson 💚
IS ISCAE BACK
MY GOATTTTTT
no wait gen when are his races i want to go see them
Lewis ❤️
OSCAHHHHH
OUR GOAT
GOOD TO HEAR FROM HIM
Nico 🧡
MY LOVE SHUT UP
Kimi 💙
put oscar on a chat with us :)
Seb 💛
Omg yes his six gay dads, Jenson, and a buttload of Aussie pride
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
I'm a gay dad?
Seb 💛
Yes
surprise
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
Simply lovely.
__
Oscar
Wednesday 20 June
14:21
Nico 🧡
no i don't cheat
why did mark give you my number
Oscar
he told me to terrorise you :-D
Nico 🧡
tell him it's working
Oscar
is your car up to regulation this year?
and how much aerodynamic advantage do you gain from your haircut
Nico 🧡
yes and a lot
Oscar
oh
i ll get my hair cut like yours then
Nico 🧡
i'm unique.
__
Oscar
Wednesday 20 June
16:53
Oscar
nico is kind of weird
i thihnk i was right about him
Mark 💜
I think you were too, mate.
__
mark is panicking
Wednesday 20 June
17:04
Nico 🧡
THERES NO WAY WIBBAH JUST THREW ME UNDER THE BUS FOR A CHILD
Mark 💜
HE ALREADY DIDNT LIKE YOU
I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY
Seb 💛
See I feel like you're doing this drama on the chat but the rest of us are way out of the loop
please enlighten
Lewis ❤️
Love I'm cheering for you, but if Oscar wins this one I'm on his side.
I'm not above adopting a child out of spite
Mark 💜
true romance right there
Nico 🧡
SOMEEEEEBOODDYYY gave my number to a child
now that child just sends me random hate mail every few hours
mark did you tell him i cheat
Mark 💜
...
of course
Nico 🧡
i thought we were friends
😔
bye i'm leaving forever and only talking to kubi from now on
Lewis ❤️
NOOOOOOOOOOO
actually
Robert is cool, and that's valid.
Good knowing you, my dear
Nico 🧡
not you dummy
Kimi 💙
Healthy relationship
Seb 💛
Honestly these two
Goals
The concept of already wanting to assassinate my husband before we're even married
Kimi 💙
You know from experience
?
Mark 💜
and on that bombshell,,,,
__
27 April 2008
"Person, person, person," Seb mutters, yanking Kimi by the arm right into his driver's room before somebody passes outside the door. He slams the door shut with a wide smile to match Kimi's unchanging expression. "P1, mate! Nice!"
"That's how you congratulate me?" Kimi grins. He leans in and cups Seb's neck in his hand tenderly, brushing a thumb over the German driver's cheek. "I should be hunting down Adrian right now for spinning you out."
"I'll kill him later," Seb says, "I'm happy here right now." He presses his lips against Kimi's, and like it's been for nearly a year, it's cold and familiar. The Finn leans into his touch and runs a hand along his back, which makes Seb want to pull him in all the more. "I'm so proud of you," Seb smiles.
Kimi only seems to look happy when Seb is around, and there's certainly no exception for that now. "Never thought you'd be okay with a DNF at the hand of somebody else," he chuckles as his hand goes up to fluff Seb's hair. "Made my life easier."
"I'm not," grunts Seb. "All I got out of it was a chance to sit in the pit lane and watch the most predictable race ever. And the opportunity to come congratulate you right after you finished."
Kimi shrugs and nods. "I should go see the team now, yeah?" He's looking at the door, fighting to make a plan to leave as Seb only pulls him closer and keeps him warm amidst the cool spring weather of Spain. The comfort of Seb is an incredibly compelling argument for ignoring the rest of his meetings and debriefs, and worrying about all the fines later. Then again, Stefano might actually jump him if he misses another mandatory meeting 'because he didn't want to go'.
"No, you should not," Seb replies, quite bluntly.
Good answer.
Two hours later, Kimi is at his team meeting getting told off for being three minutes late to his press conference (it was three minutes, what difference does it make?) and he really can't bring himself to care.
He checks his phone under the table and prays that nobody sees the notifications he's getting.
Seb
just now
You should leave the meeting againnn
I'm bored
Kimi
Raikkonen
Don't ignore me
Oh right you're in a meeting
I'm hungry
But like
For you?
Not in a weird way I just want to chomp your arms while we watch a movie on my laptop under a blanket and turn off the lights
YOURE TAKING TOO LONG AGH
Also I tried fixing that broken outlet and I think I electrocuted myself
Kimi
I cannot feel my forefinger
Do I wash my hands or am I still electrified
Wait I'm just not going to wash that finger dude I'm a genius
I burnt the pasta by the way
Ik you don't care as a Finn but also you're on an Italian team so I assume that means something for the welfare of my spaghetti
OH HEY GOOD IDEA WELL GO OUT FOR PASTA TONIGHT YAY
Oh yeah this is Spain they don't do spaghetti
Can you come make me spaghetti
Ngl that'd be really cute if you did
Mate I love when you cook
Kimi smiles again, and it's thankfully small enough that Stefano doesn't notice anything. He tucks his phone back into his pocket and mutes it, his stomach rumbling in hunger. He'll probably go out for spaghetti tonight.
__
Present
Nico 🧡
Friday 21 June
19:36
Lewis ❤️
Niicccooooooooooooooo
Come BAAACKKKK
WHEN DO YOU GET BACKKK
Nico 🧡
aww you miss me 🫰
Lewis ❤️
A great deal, yes.
Nico 🧡
lewis i'm only in germany for a few more days
i will see you soon love
i want to hug you the second i'm in gatwick
Lewis ❤️
YAY
Wait not yay
You're still very far away
Please donate to the Lewis Needs Hugs foundation
We're in dire need of support
Jenson's donations were great but it's not the SAME
Nico 🧡
jenson hugs are the best hugs a man can receive wdym
you will be hugged very soon my dear
Lewis ❤️
YIPPEEEE
Goodness I just want to hear your voice
Call me
Nico 🧡
🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
Call duration: 06:44:00
(Ongoing call)
Nico 🧡
you fell asleep didn't you
mercy i love you so much
__
mark is panicking
Saturday 22 June
12:17
Jenson 💚
WELL my queens
its time
were all going out whether you want to or not
nico was depresse d without lewis
mark is
marking
we love you mark
danile want s to see you all again
add im bored
WERE GOING OUT BOYS
[View attached address]
local club
you have no hcoice
Mark 💜
mate you gotta call me out like that on the main chat
Jenson 💚
we need you to be 100% okay because we care about yo and love you and it's not oikay to us when our bestie is having abad day
therefore we od everything in our power to make your life better
Mark 💜
oh
great
gonna sob now
i love you all so dearly
Jenson 💚
🩵🩵🩵🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
Time?
Jenson 💚
TONIGHT
19:00
be there
or
um
be square
nando you already have square vibes nvm
Kimi 💙
I love bars
Seb 💛
Yes
we know you do
Please don't buy them out of their entire stock this time
Kimi 💙
but I could
Seb 💛
yes you are alarmingly capable of doing so
Kimi 💙
having the power is enough
Lewis ❤️
Mateee the rest of us have to order too
You do not get frequent flier miles for alcohol
Kimi 💙
Where do they offer that?
Lewis ❤️
THEY DONT
deep breaths
but yes I will be there
Nico 🧡
hahaaa suckers i'll be in germany
where the booze is BETTER
Kimi 💙
the best German alcohol you can imagine is a child's plaything in Suomi
Mark 💜
i'll be thereee
Seb 💛
Drinks
I'm in
Or just really good pretzels I'm totally in the mood for bar food
Kimi 💙
I'll go
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
...
Well if it means I'm not a square
Jenson 💚
FABULOUS
Daniel will come as well
Let's go change the world queens
Seb 💛
RAHHHHHHHHHH
__
Jenson 💚
Saturday 22 June
20:31
Jenson 💚
Lewis, hey mate!
Where are you?
Lewis ❤️
HAHAHAHAHAAAA NO WAY DRUNK JENS USES PROPER GRAMMAR
Jenson 💚
??
I always use proper grammar.
Lewis ❤️
No seriously this is freaking me out
Why are you texting me
I can see you right now
Jenson 💚
Oh, can you? How fabulous!
I'm in the mood for shenanigans. Could you please come referee my pool match with Daniel?
I fear he's up to no good.
Lewis ❤️
Classy Jenson is cursed, mate
But yes naturally.
__
Fernando ⬛⬜
Saturday 22 June
20:48
Mark 💜
fernaadnooooo
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
maaarrrkkkkk
Mark 💜
YIPPEE YOU LIVE
where did you go
i think you ahve my walket
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLLLLLL
thats freally funy mark
hahaha
haha ahahahahs ha
yaeh ilhtinking i do
Mark 💜
omg nando what efevn ins that worddd haha
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
i dont know !!!
laughing out loud lol
Mark 💜
mateee how many drinks in are you
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
HAHAHAHHAHA
two
:))
Mark 💜
...
you lightweight
wow
i'm quite impressed acctulayyl
only one for me bt i never dirnk anyways
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
aren t you aussierailiain?
you domoe out o fh the womb drinking no?
Mark 💜
yesh
mercy i never thought i'd see myself more sober than you one day
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
hahahaaa yeah you may have to tak eh me hime
back to my house
i donte ven have a horse heree haha
HAHA I HAVE A HORSE
Mark 💜
oh my goodness you're so drunk
Fernando ⬛️⬜️
bet you like that adont you
Mark 💜
dude i'm so screenshotting thi sand sending it back to you tomorrow
__
Jenson 💚
Saturday 22 June
20:56
Daniel
Jensies my dear
Wouldst thou come and dance with me?
Jenson 💚
THE PLEASURE IS MINE MY LIEGE
Daniel
HUZZAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Jenson 💚
ONWARD I COME
Daniel
THOU COMMETHHHHH
__
Kimi 💙
Saturday 22 June
21:09
Seb 💛
okay so like i screwed up two years ago i know kimi im sorry
please come dance with me
who even is that girl
you dont
wait do you
KIIIMMMIII
ARE YOU DTRAIGHT
Kimi 💙
haha no
omw sebi 💙
__
Seb 💛
Saturday 22 June
21:17
Mark 💜
seb
iw ant to get fernando talking about his gf while he's dirnk
man is so gone rignt nowo
Seb 💛
you dont dosun much ebtter yoursle f mate
Mark 💜
oh no no i jsut psilled water in my ahnds and i cna tfind a towel so i only ahve two fingers to ype with
dont egevn tant to know wht you gordere to get oyu typing like thais atme
Seb 💛
it was atmazingggggg
im gon a dance w kimiii
Mark 💜
HECK YEAHHH
GET YOUR MAN
Seb 💛
yeah you too man
he looks kisable tonight
not for me
you know what i meatn
Mark 💜
he so is.
__
Nico 🧡
Saturday 22 June
21:33
Lewis ❤️
Nicoooooo
We're at the club rn but I just want you to be here
They're playing all the bands you like
Nico 🧡
lewisss i miss you
you're coming with me to germany next time
can you call me?
i want to say hi to everyone
Lewis ❤️
YES
actually fernando is busy trying to kiss mark
and seb and kimi are dancing like maniacs
but i think once jenson and daniel are done with their heated game of pool they'll be available to say hello
Nico 🧡
OH NO
DONT LET ME MISS WEBBONSO AND SIMI DEVELOPMENT
LEW
KEEP ME UPDATED
Join call
(Ongoing call)
__
Not for the first time tonight, Fernando leans in close to Mark, close enough that Mark feels the Spaniard's breath by his ears. "You should order another drink," comes the quiet, playful voice. Fernando doesn't sound entirely incapacitated, but his words are starting to flow together. Mark can tell he's warmer than usual for sure, which he does find a bit endearing.
"You should order food," Mark grins, poking Fernando away. Though he only gives it the force of that required to push away a small pillow, Fernando tumbles away like Mark shoved him. Through that he's still beaming like an idiot, that devious smile which Mark has grown so accustomed to.
"You had far too much," Mark complains, "you're no fun when you're this easy."
Fernando pauses. "Easy?" He steps closer. "What do you mean, easy? I'm stubborn and cold, Webber. Don't you see it?"
Mark chuckles and leans in. "You want a hug, darling?"
If anyone could ever be the embodiment of the heart eyes emoji, it would be... well, usually it's Oscar with the way he wants to cling to Mark at every race now, but if there was a second place award, it would go to Fernando right now. "Yes!" Fernando giggles, dropping his head against Mark's chest. Mark is wondering if they should turn down the temperature in here now so that he doesn't melt on the spot.
"Darling," Fernando echoes, "hug."
Mark wraps him into a warm hug between laughter and attempts to prevent Fernando from spilling both of their drink. "You'll need a ride tonight, love? I'm sure you won't be driving yourself home."
Immediately he wants to recoil because he hears himself as the word involuntarily slips out (blame the alcohol), and Fernando apparently does too, judging by the way his cheeks are flushed with excitement. "I'll get in your cab," Fernando grins. "Can we go to the same place?"
This is not fair play.
Mark looks up for a moment to think, and decides after brief but thorough consideration that his apartment is too messy and musty for anything worthwhile to happen. "No, mate, my apartment's a wreck," he shrugs.
"Mine, then," Fernando replies thoughtlessly. After that, he's off, but not before blowing a kiss to Mark and hurrying away with a wide grin.
Mark is... severely damaged.
This is, if there was ever a need for the word, doubleplusungood.
Man down. Man down, MAN DOWN!
Perhaps it's the greatest high he's ever felt, replaying this moment in his head over and over until nothing else is left. Watching Fernando retreat with a bounce in his step, the Spaniard floating on clouds as he moves. Mark is thinking, first and foremost, that he should get much more sober before dealing with this.
Then it's... a woman? She's got long dark hair and a tight black dress on, and she's holding a martini glass as she moves under the club lighting. She's smiling just as wide as Fernando goes to talk to her and Mark's heart plummets. Fernando looks just as excited to be around her, even if he's not as close to her. Then his hands are around her waist and they're dancing, her hand lying on his chest as he looks around the room with a lazy grin.
Now they're going to bed, and my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now
Among the deep pain and ruin caused to Mark's psyche, he has to chuckle at the Mr. Brightside lyrics running through his head. Not that they're inaccurate, really. So help him, if those two do end up going to bed, Mark will be ordering another drink and applying to be adopted by Nico and Lewis or Seb and Kimi.
Speaking of Seb and Kimi.
__
"I saw your text," Kimi says blankly, staring directly at Seb. Seb has made every effort to avert the striking eye contact, but his efforts have been fruitless.
"Oh, did you now?" Seb grins. His hand is running through Kimi's hair like he's done this for years and years, looking comfortable enough that anybody else would assume they were quite experienced in this matter. "How would you reply?"
"I did reply," Kimi shrugs.
Seb raises an eyebrow and looks around. "I don't really want to check my phone," he replies, "You should just tell me what you said, yeah?"
A smile cracks onto Kimi's face as he leans in a bit closer, whispering so that only Seb hears. "I want to dance," he grins. His hand wraps around Seb's waist as he steps back to pull them into the step. They won't be on time with the music at all, but who cares about that?
Seb's face is bright and flushed as he takes Kimi's hand and lets himself be twirled into the motion. He's flying through the air and every colour and light blurs together into a stunning collage of motion, like he's watching a movie in reverse. Kimi's satisfied gaze looks down on him and Seb has to beam back to him, because it's no use hiding his joy in this moment anymore.
"You're a good dancer," Seb murmurs, catching his breath as Kimi pulls him back up and takes his hands to guide the next step.
"I learned from the best," Kimi replies.
__
6 October 2008
"Have you ever waltzed?"
Well, not a question Kimi anticipated.
He shakes his head and stares at the man in front of him like he's crazy. It was Finland, who on earth would want to waltz with him?
Seb grins and looks around the room. "You got a CD player in here?" he asks, walking over to Kimi's player without waiting for an answer. Kimi sees him rummage through his bag before inserting a disc into the cartridge.
Smooth music comes to fill the room- not quite echoing, simply resounding. Kimi recognises it to be some classical piece his mother used to play on the piano when he was young, but he can't quite name it.
"Hold my hand," Seb instructs, reaching out to Kimi. Kimi doesn't hesitate at all as he reaches out to take Seb's hand.
Seb smiles and nods, and Kimi's comforted to resolve any doubt he had in Seb before this- none, really. "Step towards me," Seb says. Kimi doesn't hesitate at so, and Seb follows forwards.
"Close your right foot to your left," Seb continues, and Kimi does so. Seb is holding both of their arms out in the direction they're turning (well, attempting to turn), squeezing Kimi's hand in the direction in which they are to turn next.
This step continues across Kimi's carpet, Kimi watching his feet the whole time with an unrivalled intensity (which does, in fact, greatly amuse Seb).
Wordlessly, Seb slows them down, stepping backwards and gesturing Kimi to follow. His right foot goes behind his left to turn them around and dip Kimi down. Kimi is nearly out of breath, but he's sure he can spare a bit for Seb, right?
"Step, turn, turn, and... step, two, three..." Seb mumbles, whispering to perhaps nobody but himself as he guides Kimi through the air and over the carpet. "One, two, three, one two three..."
"This is easy," Kimi chuckles as he watches his feet even closer. "Where did you learn?"
Seb smiles and dips his head. "Mum sent me to a classical school," he grins. "I didn't pay attention in any class until we took a waltz class when I was 16 and I got to dance with a very lovely lady."
Kimi dislikes the idea of someone else dancing with Seb.
"Don't dance with her," Kimi replies thoughtlessly.
"Oh?" grins Seb. "It's been years, man, I don't think she enjoyed it either."
Kimi looks away from their steps for a moment to meet Seb's gaze. "Why wouldn't she enjoy it?" he asks. Wouldn't everyone see the perfection in this man, after all? Her taste has to be off if she doesn't like dancing with Seb.
"I don't know," shrugs Seb, "maybe because I was looking at the boy across from us?" Seb asks, so politely at that that Kimi can't hold back a giggle. The charming sound comes as quite a surprise to Seb, and he has to admit it's oddly endearing.
Seb's face is a flushed pink as he watches their feet closely, not daring to look back up to Kimi. The room is a bit warmer, the sun lower, the floor softer. Their socks sliding on the rug are the most delicate feeling, and the presence of the other is simply more comforting than they can say. Seb likes how the sun has gone down since they got home- it's peeking over the horizon now, painting the sky in dark hues of lavender and blue.
The music has picked up too, he might note. A moment ago- was it Shostakovich? The Second Waltz, he believes. Now it's a faster piece, though a but more ethereal, and Seb is tempted to guess Saint-Saëns.
Moments later it's Brubeck, with his Blue Rondo À La Turk, filling the room with light drums and some very sensible saxophone. Seb did always like Brubeck- such daring composition, who else would write a song in 11/4 timing?
The disc cycles through Gigue, Peer Gynt, Prokofiev's Waltz Suite (engaging, soothing, and masterful, respectively), and the sun has dipped below the horizon right as the opening suite of Pictures at an Exhibition rings through the room.
Ravel was the preferred composer of Seb's grandmother when he was a boy- she owned books full of his pieces, and she'd play them on Sunday afternoons when his family went to visit. She'd start with a few keys playing Boléro, and then by the final ostinato, she was drumming with one hand and playing the orchestral suite with the other. She always told Seb to keep the beat for her, to pull the metronome before she started so he could keep time for her.
It's moments like those, that, for the first time in his life, Seb wants to share with somebody. For all the good it did him in his life to keep to himself, hold up the PR façade, play the role of Toro Rosso's golden boy, remain cruel and calculated, nobody ever knew him. He's always been okay with that, after all- that was the status he sought so deeply to uphold.
And yet, at the same time, he'd be okay with Kimi knowing him. After all, can one be truly loved if they are not fully known?
Loved.
What an interesting idea, it is.
Seb has committed the quote to memory, from a book given to him years ago by a friend he needs to give a call.
"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial."
Oh, the many people who've loved Seb. The friend from university. The boy he hooks up with in Austria. The many, many girls across continents and tracks he brought home for the night. The boyfriend he had in high school, before either of them knew what it really meant to... love. No small amount of people have claimed to love Seb- and what a blessing that should be.
"To be known and not loved is our greatest fear."
Seb is sure he'll never be fully known. But he's met people who didn't love him, and he thinks he's gotten pretty close.
"But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything."
Is it too much to ask to be fully known and truly loved by one, one, person?
"It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."
The freedom he feels with Kimi, the way he can speak his mind, think clearly, live without the walls the world build around him. Going back to his childhood, everyone told Seb to stop being Seb. Is it indulgent to find somebody who would take Seb for... well, Seb?
All at the same time, he still asks what it means to be truly loved, fully known. If he would be ready to embrace that, if he trusts somebody with his life, if he's ready to go headfirst, eyes closed into this adventure that is love. Seb has experienced love in its many, many forms, and yet, nobody has known him.
The warmth of Kimi in his arms is enough to make Seb ask what there is left for Kimi to know. He needs a word to encapsulate the desire to share his world with Kimi, for them to make a world together, coexist, ally.
I am Sebastian Vettel. I come from Germany.
I drive with Toro Rosso.
I like the colour purple. I find it unexpected, and it's always better to see something yellow than an average black or white.
When I was a boy, I jumped over puddles to keep my boots dry.
I like polishing silverware. I like the sound of shattering glass. I like opening a book for the first time.
I don't like ice in my water.
I think nobody takes me seriously right now, and they'll see me differently when I win a few championships over them.
One day, I'd like to go to space and see the world as a pale blue dot. I'll wave to you from millions of miles away, and maybe you'll wave back.
And really, what harm would there be in being fully known?
"Kimi," Seb whispers, and he knows he likes the sound of the Finn's mane coming out of his mouth. There's something so beautifully intimate to whispering, the idea of breathing words to somebody so that you are the only two people on earth sharing that message.
Kimi smiles softly and presses a gentle kiss to Seb's warm forehead. "Sebi," he murmurs in return.
"You're doing the step wrong," Seb smiles, playfully pushing Kimi's shoulder. He kicks the Finn's foot off his knee and guides the, the right way, stepping in time with Stravinsky. He slides his foot past Kimi's to pull the, both to the left. "Can you turn?"
Seb only hears a grumble from Kimi, who is looking down at their feet again.
"I'm stuck," Kimi mutters.
Seb looks down and sees that Kimi has managed to turn both feet at a right angle to where he was standing, and Seb can't really say he was aware that was anatomically possible. "How did you..." he questions, stepping away from the other man and stepping to turn them both so that Kimi's feet face forwards once more.
"I'm a driver, not a dancer," replies Kimi. "As good of a teacher as you may be, you can't fix incompetence."
"You're not incompetent," Seb says mindlessly. "You're pretty, and strong, and intentional... not incompetent, though." The words come out without much thought, in the way that it's become natural to compliment Kimi on his every aspect. "Dance with me."
The steps are faster with this music now; Seb is lighter on his feet as he glides across the room and brings Kimi along. The air under their sweaters, blowing through their hair, shocks from the carpet, the glow of the city illuminating the room, and Seb wonders if this is the life he could get used to living.
They spin inwards with the music, and Seb almost feels himself fall before his partner's arm catches his waist just in time with the music. He allows his head to be thrown back as the sights around him blur into lines before he comes back up, breathless. Of course, Kimi has caught him. Seb could be falling off a cliff, escaping life itself, and he knows Kimi would catch him. The Finn is there, unconcerned as ever, but there's a softness in his eyes as he pulls Seb back up and they find themselves inches apart.
"Seb?" Kimi asks quietly. His gaze is fixed on the man in front of him, and the rest of the world has disappeared.
Seb smiles. "Yeah?"
"I love you."
...
His clothes are swallowing him.
His skin is hot; he's burning.
The lights in the city, blinding.
Love? Seb never asked to be loved.
No, Kimi doesn't know him. Because if he did, Kimi would be gone already. That's the only wise thing to do, and Kimi is a smart man. If Kimi knew Seb, he would have moved on much faster.
Stop touching me. Please... get away. Don't dance.
He's lost time with the music now.
Seb feels Kimi's hand in his own once again, and it's nothing old or new. Somehow now, though, it's tighter, and colder, and it stings. Is he suffocating? He'll make a mental note to research what suffocation feels like later. Kimi is still watching the German, not quite expectantly, but in a manner that would warrant some external reaction from Seb.
"You... can't," Seb whispers, and he barely hears the words as they come out of his mouth. "Kimi, you don't know me."
Kimi is silent.
He watches Seb.
Seb shakes his head once more. "You don't know me. You don't know me, you don't," he repeats. His voice is breaking up, as if he has to force himself to believe these words. "No. I love you, you don't love me. That's how this is." He keeps shaking his head, and it breaks every part of him to watch Kimi take the answer.
Kimi looks down, then back to Seb. "I know I love you."
Seb can't get out of Kimi's arms soon enough, the choking grasp which just comforted him to such a degree. Perhaps something else has taken command of his mind, made him a passenger in his own body as somebody sweeps through him and takes his bag, making his way to the door. Seb wants to move, but he can't. It's down to the commander now, and that being the case, he has no control anymore.
He hears himself muttering quiet denials as he reaches the door, Kimi perfectly still in the same place as he steps out. Of all people, he's sure Kimi won't follow him- for better or worse. Nobody will be in his house tomorrow, nobody will text him in the morning, nobody will make sure he got home alright. He's forfeiting not for the sake of being wasteful, but because he simply doesn't deserve it. He knows the depth of Kimi's devotion, and he knows it's unfair to lead Kimi on as such. No, Kimi won't have to follow this train wreck after it leaves the station.
Kimi is left in the center of the carpet, sour notes ringing through the room as he wonders what he just did.
__
Present
Mark is sure by this point that Jenson and Daniel are cheating in their game of pool, based on the sheer number of times Jenson has let out a shriek of rage and Daniel wore a wide smile as another ball was pocketed.
Seb and Kimi are dancing on the other side of the club, and they seem to be doing something adjacent to waltzing, and it's just barely off the music. Kimi looks close enough to Seb that Mark is sure he'll be getting some texts about that tomorrow, but he'll let it play out for now.
Fernando looks to have hit it off with that woman, but Mark's not watching that.
Lewis is still on the phone with Nico in the corner, despite promises that Nico would talk to everyone. He looks to be smiling at the screen like it's his lifeline, and Mark is wondering if Lewis remembers Nico isn't actually there.
"Mate, you all good?"
Mark looks up to see Jenson standing over him and puts on a reluctant smile as he nods. "Never better, Jens."
Jenson smirks and sits down next to him. "Mark..."
Mark shifts uncomfortably, because the half a meter between him and Jenson may still be too little with the space he needs right now. "What happened to the girlfriend?" Mark complains. "I thought Fernando would at least..."
Dance with you?
Is that what you thought?
Right. Because he definitely had a chance.
The Briton smiles lightly, understand what Mark was about to say, and the hesitation in between. It's really not the first time Mark has wanted to pull Jenson into a massive bear hug, just for the level and quality of friendship he provides.
"Seasons come and go," Jenson notes, looking out to the crowd. He turns to Mark with a softened smile and nods. "Yours will come."
Mark snorts and rolls his eyes with laughter, shoving Jenson playfully. "Mate, where are you pulling this philosophy from?" he grins.
"I have had..." Jenson looks down to count on his fingers, "a few."
The most Buttonesque answer possible, if you ask Mark. Mark grins, nodding and patting Jenson on the shoulder. "Go finish your game of pool, yeah?"
"Ah, but I'm losing," Jenson sighs. "I'm going to put some of the balls back on the table. Pray I win."
Then it's just Mark again. No guests left at his party of one.
__
Kimi 💙
Sunday 23 June
10:10
Seb 💛
...
talk?
Kimi 💙
No
Seb 💛
FANTASTIC
me neither
Kimi 💙
Do not tell
Seb 💛
oh
not a soul
ugh your bed is comfy
Kimi 💙
Ikea blankets
Seb 💛
YES
you busy tonight?
Kimi 💙
I can rearrange some things
Seb 💛
Mate you are truly my goat
Kimi 💙
You don't call me mate after last night
__
Kimi 💙
Sunday 23 June
10:36
Kimi 💙
Jenson
It happened again
I didn't have anything to drink this timr
Jenson 💚
KIM
TELL ME EVERYTHING
Kimi 💙
...
Everything?
Jenson 💚
i retractmy former statement
tell me the parts ill enjoy
Kimi 💙
Ok
Sit down