Chapter Text
When I woke up the next morning, despite Sirius’ best efforts, the iron ball was still there.
I wish I could have said it was just nerves. I wish it was just that I thought I couldn’t win my next race. Unfortunately, meeting with Wada had brought to light something that I had been ignoring dealing with; an ugly feeling within me that I had shoved into a corner for long enough that it had calcified and grown thorny to the touch:
Who was Symboli Cascade? Wasn’t I still just a guy, no matter what my body looked like? This all happened by accident, after all. Cascade was just the persona I had put on because my body happened to change, and the people around me supported it.
Was that even true? I didn’t know, and it hurt to think about.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to think it through. No matter who I thought I was, the ‘me’ that ‘I’ was had to run. No amount of waking up comfortably in Sirius’ arms could change that fact. And because intense training had to start, it meant calling on the strongest runners who were available right now and willing to help. In order to be sure I could handle the level required of me, I had to at least throw myself at the best that Tracen had to offer. And right now that meant two people, according to Sirius.
“Yo, pleasure to meet you, Cascade. I was told I didn’t have to go easy on you, and Sirius now owes me a big one, so I’ll be in your care for the next week or so.” An unmistakable aura, one that only made the heavy feeling in my gut even heavier. Sirius had called in a big favour, evidently.
Before me stood Katsuragi Ace, previous winner of the Japan Cup, a hero who had overtaken two triple crown winners and runners from around the world. She was grinning broadly, hands on her hips, as though this were the most exciting thing to happen to her in years. Behind her, her trainer, who I had never spoken with but easily recognized, waved sheepishly.
I waved back, not capable of matching Ace’s energy, but Trainer Watanabe was well known to me as someone with a deep knowledge and understanding of Umamusume. It was the kind of understanding that just studying didn’t give you. I always sort of thought I’d get along with him, but he only started having any free time right around when I got busy, so it never really worked out. Training up a generation-defining racer kept you busy.
The second person was an up-and-comer, Tamamo Cross. She and her trainer were in the midst of hard training for her classic year, but she was considered something of a prodigy herself. In theory, she was someone who should be on my level, but I knew she was already far beyond what I could do. In any other situation, I would have called this lineup cruel, but I wasn’t about to complain about being paired with past and future legends.
“Alright, you two. I told you as much, but don’t let me catch you holding back on my precious little trainer. Got it? Even if it means running a whole lap around her. Oh, and… if possible, show her something cool, alright?” Sirius’ playful tone of voice didn’t match her fierce expression.
Ace and Tamamo looked at each other with matching smirks, like they were in the know about something that I wasn’t. Even Watanabe perked up. I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to worry about it right now, I was shoulder to shoulder with generation-defining runners. Sirius readied up beside Katsuragi Ace on the opposite side from me. Kouji Watanabe blew a whistle, and we were off. As expected, Ace blasted off ahead of everyone else. Not only was she ridiculously fast, her runaway style meant that she wasn’t used to holding back for anyone else’s pace.
The rest of us put our heads down and eyes forward. Ace’s explosive start meant that we all had something to focus on. One foot in front of the other… Interestingly, Tamamo Cross and I fell into roughly the same pace. Not only that, we kept the largest distance between each other. I recognized something in her eyes… that fear. The same as mine. Her shoulders tensed when I drifted a little closer to her, just like mine did. So even generational prodigies had these insecurities…
In that case, even I could overcome my anxieties. On the track, at least… The rest stuck with me, I was still dragging that weight.
Sirius pulled ahead. Tamamo and I were left waiting to see which of us would pull the trigger. I desperately wanted it to be her, but it seemed like it wasn’t about to be. Despite running from behind, I knew that she had an explosive final sprint, unlike me. So, I pulled ahead too. I couldn’t worry about Tamamo Cross anymore. Like always, I kept my eyes on Sirius. Reasonably, I only needed to catch up with one person here.
Watching Ace explode into the distance got me motivated, and I felt the balls of my feet digging into the grass as I pushed forward. There was just something about watching an Umamusume run, even when I was here on the track with them, that gave me the energy to run as well. I sped closer to Sirius, almost close enough to reach out and touch her (not that I would mid-race,) and she pulled away again. I couldn’t see her face but I could sense the smirk on her lips.
The whistle blew again, signalling that Kouji wanted us to start sprinting. I dug deep into my stamina reserves and lowered my body. Unfortunately, in an almost physical sense, it felt like that iron ball was shackling my stamina. It might as well have been attached directly to my legs. But I dug anyway. I had the stamina to spare, I know I did. Everyone sped up. Sirius pulled away from me. I heard a crackling of thunder and by the time I could blink, somehow Tamamo Cross was in front of me. It was almost like I could see forks of lightning shooting off of her body. I must have been delirious, because there’s no way that was real. She blasted up past Sirius and almost closed the entire distance to Katsuragi Ace. I blinked, and she was there. How could someone so short be that fast…? How could anyone be that fast?
The moment Ace spotted Tamamo, she sped up too. Something told me that Ace could see that same lightning. She started laughing. As Ace begun to laugh while running, I could have sworn that embers flew from in front of her, like she was running into a fire that only she could see. It was frightening, like the earth beneath her might explode at any second.
It was an absurd phenomenon that I had never seen before. Was this what running with legends was like…? Sirius never had anything like that, at least that I’d seen. She certainly didn’t now. Was I really supposed to compete with Umamusume that could do magic?
I pulled up beside Sirius, somehow. “Is this real…?” I asked, breathing heavily. “Are you pranking me or something?” She leaned in and grinned at me, a fire burning in her eyes.
“...What, you think I pulled these two specific runners just because they’re fast? Keep your eyes open, Puppy. Watch them.”
As electric and fiery sparks bounced off each other in front of me, I did watch. I remembered something that Sirius told me during training before.
“Use your eyes and your wits. Genetically you’re built for stamina, but I can tell I’m rubbing off on you as well. And you know what my strong point is, right, Puppy?”
“Your mind? Your track awareness?”
“That’s right. And you helped teach me that. So use it for yourself. Watch the other racers. Learn from them, steal their tricks and use them.”
So I watched. It wasn’t important to pull ahead of them. Not yet, not right now. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to steal fire and lightning, but just wait. Just wait and see.
Every time Tamamo Cross threatened to pull ahead, Ace would grit her teeth and surge ahead more. They should be burning through their stamina right now. Maybe they were. Actually, there’s no way that they weren’t, if I thought about it. Then, was this really as intimidating as it appeared? I was unnerved, as I think anyone would be, but maybe if I just held on. Ran my own race. I had a game plan, one that played to my own strengths. Couldn’t that still be true?
I would stick to the plan. Go fast for a long time. Easy and simple. Even if someone set real fireworks off on the track, I could still follow such a simple plan. Before long, the whistle blew again and it was as though a lightswitch had been flipped. The fire was gone, the lightning was gone.
“...And what do you see, Puppy?” Sirius was somehow close enough to whisper in my ear as we slowed down. I looked. Tamamo Cross’ shoulders were rising and lowering violently as she panted for breath. Katsuragi Ace was falling behind. They were slowing down. We were all slowing down, but they had to slow down. They looked spent. Meanwhile, Sirius and I were not nearly as far ahead, hadn’t reached nearly that top speed, but here we were, relatively fine. Still slightly winded but composed enough to have a conversation with each other.
Racers like that depended on their stamina to burn out. As a trainer, I had known that, but I had never seen such a visual metaphor before.
I see. Then, what Sirius wanted to teach me wasn’t that I could do that sort of thing, but that I didn’t have to… right? I glanced at her, and she just gave me a challenging look, like ‘Figure it out yourself.’
I pushed ahead, away from Sirius. Closer to the two in the lead. If I could just get closer…
My vision distorted, for just a moment. I felt that iron ball get heavier, sinking lower and lower… It was painful, so I stopped. The moment I tried to puzzle out what I was feeling, it faded as though it was never there. The whistle blew again, and Tama and Ace were off like bullets once more. I’d lost my chance. It wasn’t right, that I shared the turf with these legends, but it’s what I had to do.
The rest of the day went similarly. Despite feeling literally weighed down, I had been able to get more acquainted than ever with my limits. It was disappointing, but also crucial information. Now if I could just get rid of this horrible weight in my stomach.
At the end of the day, Sirius, Tamamo Cross and Katsuragi Ace were debriefing. I didn’t want to interfere, largely because it felt like they were talking about me, so instead I moved over to sit beside Kouji Watanabe.
“So, what did you think?” His tone sounded just a little whimsical, like he was trying to fish an answer from me. It was too broad of a question.
“What did I think about… what, in particular?”
He tilted his head, confused that I had asked that. “The Zone. You did see it, right?” Ah, that’s what that magic was called, I supposed?
“Yeah, I saw it, but what was it? I’d never seen anything like that before.”
Kouji looked confused again. “Really? Are you sure? You watched Rudolf and Ace race before, right? You didn’t see it then?”
I shook my head, now both of us were confused. “No, I didn’t see anything like that. I mean, they were fantastic runners, on another level, but nothing like this.”
“Huh. I knew humans couldn’t usually see it, but I thought for sure that you might… Nevermind. Hey, you did awesome out there.” He looked down at me in a way that seemed like he was genuinely looking up at me. He was younger than me, though not by much, and before my transformation, I think I would have thought he was just my plucky junior, but right now he was looking at me with an intensity that felt like he wanted something from me, or maybe wanted to ask me some burning question. I had no idea what that could be. Maybe he looked at everyone like that. It was intense, though not aggressive. Maybe that was a byproduct of being Katsuragi Ace’s trainer, they had the same intensity in their eyes, like they wanted to run faster and farther.
That was all we got to talk that day, but we met regularly for the next week. Every time went the same. I would run with the three of them, feel as though I was reaching my limits, learn a little more about their racing styles, and debrief with Kouji Watanabe.
I never quite reached that feeling. No matter how many times I wanted everyone to just slow down a little, it never quite happened. And I never fully caught up with Katsuragi Ace. That wasn’t surprising to me, but it was a little disappointing. After all, I’d been close, so close. Just a little closer…
—
The day of the tournament, and I wasn’t feeling particularly confident. The whole trip to Nakayama was spent nestled next to Sirius on the train in hopes that it could dispel my anxiety about the race.
Wada’s words kept replaying in my head. “The last race Symboli Cascade will ever run.”
I couldn’t help but feel like that was less of a threat and more of a promise. I hadn’t managed to catch up to Katsuragi Ace even once during our training. If I was a real Umamusume, I should have been able to do it at least once, right? Sirius could have done it easily, and had a few times. Why was I so far behind everyone…? It wasn’t just because I was less experienced, though that was part of it. I was sure there was more to it. Something biological, maybe.
It didn’t matter now. The thing holding me back couldn’t matter less at this point. I had to focus on what was in front of me. And that was the longest race I’d run so far. The Funabashi Open… The Arima Kinen for non-graded racers. And me, still effectively a Junior.
“Sirius, be honest with me, do you think I can win?” I had wanted to ask her this question all week, but held back. Defeatist talk usually made her upset. But this was my last chance to really get her read on it.
Sirius turned my chin towards her, eyes burning with a playful fire. “You’ve got this in the bag. None of the other racers stand a chance.” That was a surprising answer from her. I wanted to accuse her of telling me a white lie, of making me feel better, but that wasn’t something that she ever did. Looking in her eyes, I could tell, she truly thought that I was the clear favourite. But why…? I had checked the ticket. Unfortunately, Symboli Cascade was rated 14th of 16. Not the least favourite, but an underdog at best.
Sirius swatted the page out of my hands. “You’ve only run one race. They don’t know you. I know you. What, you don’t believe me? Who’s gonna beat you out there? Fujimasa March? Weiss Grimoire? Lord Royal? I’ve seen their race records, I looked them up while you were too busy tossing and turning with worry. Don’t sweat your pretty makeup off on account of them.”
Nakayama Racecourse was vast, and this time, Sirius was able to enter the waiting area with me, passing herself off as my trainer, like before. Waiting here were most of the runners I’d be running against. There was a nervous-looking brunette with darker skin (Sirius helpfully pointed out that this was Weiss Grimoire, an experienced racer who had competed against top talent.) There was Lord Royal, who I recognized, checking herself out in the reflection of the trophy case glass. And amongst several other runners doing stretches in the open floor was, Sirius pointed out, Fujimasa March, also from Kasamatsu. A local star, apparently, though her record hadn’t reached me in Central. We went through several others who I didn’t recognize either. Honestly, I was a little relieved. If I had heard a name that stood out to me, that would have been a bad omen.
No one introduced themselves. No one called out tauntingly like the Kasamatsu Trio had. Everyone was focused today, glancing at each other at best. Everyone here today wanted to run for real. That suited me fine. I think that if I had been called out, I wouldn’t have been able to keep calm.
I settled in next to Weiss. Not too close, it was just the most convenient area to get ready. I couldn’t quite tell if she thought I was intimidating or beneath her. I saw her writing little notes in a pad. I couldn’t tell what she was writing but I saw little sketches of some kind. As someone who read manga (when I wasn’t so stupidly busy, so not recently) I wanted to reach out to her, but it just wasn’t the time.
Sirius left me after giving my hand a little squeeze. I wanted to do more, but this wasn’t the place. The moment she walked out the door, I felt that iron ball weight settle into my stomach, as heavy as ever, and growing. I took a stabilizing breath, just like always, except it didn’t stabilize me at all. I did it anyway.
The walk to the gate was also silent. Weiss Grimoire looked around furtively. Fujimasa March looked straight ahead with determination. Lord Royal kept to the front, striding with purpose. I couldn’t bring myself to walk in the middle of them, so I stayed at the back. Just like usual.
“Welcome everyone to the Funabashi Open! It’s cloudy skies, but that won’t stop us tonight, as we’re here with some of the hungriest runners in Tokyo! Today they’ll be competing for glory, and the ability to call themselves Funabashi’s Best! Here in Nakayama Racecourse, we’ll determine the toughest runner, someone with the grit and the moxie to see this grueling marathon to its end!”
Nakayama Racecourse was famous for its exhausting altitude shifts. They weren’t exaggerating when they said that only those with real stamina could conquer it. Runners who underestimated the slopes would wind up out of breath before they knew it.
This time, I was all the way on the outside, number 16. An unlucky draw. Nothing about this race was lucky for me, though, so I could bear this much.
“Getting ready to go in three, two… one…”
The gate slammed open, and I drove through it cleanly. No late starts this time… good. I took it easy still, preserving my stamina. As we settled into position, there was no rough play like my last race. No one got aggressive. Everyone was focused.
“Lord Royal on point today, running a comfortable six lengths ahead of the pack!”
I was at the back, where I wanted, but there were three others back here with me, which was I very much not used to. End Closer wasn’t that common of a strategy in the distances I had been playing around with, but in longer races, it made sense to choose this way. Gauge your opponents. Find your throughline.
“Weiss Grimoire and Fujimasa March fighting for the front of the pack, who will- March, it’s Fujimasa March in second, though it’s anyone’s game this early!”
One more deep breath. It did nothing, my heart was still racing. On the first corner, one of the rear racers with me moved up, moving in to disrupt the pack formation.
“Weiss Grimoire pulls ahead of Fujimasa March, but for how long? Symboli Cascade all the way at the back, not typically a tactic used by Symboli Racers, but maybe she has a surprise for us today?”
…Talk all you want. The hammering of footfalls drowned out the announcer. Another of the End Closers pulled ahead. It was too early for me. I couldn’t move up yet… I wasn’t ready…
“Middle of the course, most runners maintaining position! Fujimasa March passes Weiss Grimoire, did she- Yes, she flinched! Weiss Grimoire in third, fourth, fifth position, but she’s regained her footing!”
I had to go now. It was now or never. I moved forward, the other runner beside me moved up too. Faster, more confident than me. She joined the pack on the outside.
I needed to get closer. I wasn’t that slow, how was it that everyone was leaving me behind so easily? Closer… If everyone just lagged for a moment, I could catch up. But, of course, this race was far higher stakes than my last race. No one was about to just conveniently run out of stamina.
“Symboli Cascade moves up, still in the rear of the pack, is this her best?!”
The last race Symboli Cascade will ever run. And it goes down like this? Dead last for the entire course? Forget about legacy, forget about my name, forget about Sirius’ contract, this performance wasn’t even worth calling myself a trainer, let alone a runner myself.
Umamusume were just too goddamned fast. And Sirius’ dad had been correct, that wasn’t who I was. How could I hope to run next to them? The Umamusume who had shined so brightly in my youth and even still today. Sirius Symboli, Katsuragi Ace. Miho Shinzan.
I was an unknown, no one was in my corner. Tomorrow, nobody would even remember the humiliating loss of Symboli Cascade. The iron orb in my stomach became a prisoner’s shackle, and then a wrecking ball, increasing in size and density. My footfalls grew heavy. I could have all the stamina in the world, but there was no point if I couldn’t get past anyone.
You’ve got this in the bag. That’s what Sirius had said… I trusted Sirius, so I shouldn’t be having this difficult of a time. What was I missing? What had I been ignoring? How could I shed this weight I was carrying…?
We were passing by the stands now, and I saw the fleck of green that I had grown familiar with. Sirius had fought her way to the front of the stands. She was yelling something.
“Cascade, run!” Easy for her to say. “They don’t know you! But they will!” Huh? “They’re gonna love you! Like I do!”
I bit my lower lip. I tasted blood. It wasn’t false praise, Sirius didn’t do false praise. Even now in the face of this embarrassing performance, she really, truly thought that I could win.
I sped up. Head tucked down. I felt the weight in my gut become not a shackle but a cannonball. I was three lengths behind the pack.
Two lengths.
One and a half.
One and a quarter.
If I was just… a little closer… A little closer…
The iron ball, coarse in my gut, dropped to my feet, distorting gravity around it. Sound vanished as light distorted, becoming trapped in the swirl of spatial distortion. The runners around me were becoming trapped as well, their images stretching and spinning back towards me.
My foot made contact with the turf, sending a ripple out from its point of impact.
…Oh. That explains the distortion in my vision.
This wasn’t the turf anymore. The racecourse had filled with water.
We were in the ocean.
Well.. if that was the case, then catching up should be easy after all.
White noise filled my ears. I watched as, in slow motion, some of the other racers’ hands instinctively went to their throats, as though they were suddenly struggling to breathe. Their steps faltered. Just a little, but it was enough.
I didn’t have to look back to know what was sending them into such a panic. From behind us, a rushing wave, as tall as the ceiling, threatening to slam into everyone. I wasn’t bothered by it. I sped up. The other racers sped up as well, but I could see the strain of doing so written on their faces. Watched the veins bulge in their necks.
They would run out of stamina before long, it was obvious. They were getting nervous. Was it me, pushing them like that? Because I didn’t feel nervous at all. What were they, scared of the water?
I closed in on the heels of the pack. Instead of conserving their stamina for their final spurt like they should have, I watched them struggle to stay ahead of me. It wouldn’t work, and it would bite them before long. A calm racer shouldn’t have been worried about an end closer passing them before the homestretch, but these girls had (for just a moment) become frenzied trying to keep in front of me. It was as though I could watch their spurts disappearing right in front of my eyes. They’d have to just make due with whatever speed and stamina they had for the rest of the race.
Welcome to my world. Spurtless running was always my domain.
All the sound was muffled, everyone was running in slow motion. I was too, but that was as it should be. My thoughts were clear, maybe for the first time all month. I passed Weiss Grimoire, her eyes wide with shock.
Bom… Bom… My own footfalls echoing in my ears was all I could hear. Like listening to a drum underwater. Bom… Bom…
I didn’t have to cut through the pack. I went around. The extra distance didn’t bother me. Oh, we were on the final stretch already. I passed Fujimasa March. That had happened quickly. I passed Lord Royal, whose mouth was open, trying to get enough oxygen in her lungs to retain her stamina at the front of the chaos. It wouldn’t be enough for her. Not in time, anyway. I watched her eyes track me as I passed her on an angle.
The wave finally crashed down, washing over everyone. I heard a collective gasp, as that sinking, watery feeling left everyone all at once.
“LORD ROYAL HAS BEEN PASSED BY SYMBOLI CASCADE!
NO, EVERYONE HAS BEEN PASSED BY SYMBOLI CASCADE!
IT’S SYMBOLI CASCADE AND LORD ROYAL IN FRONT,
LORD ROYAL IS CATCHING UP, BUT IT’S CASCADE CROSSING THE FINISH LINE!
SYMBOLI CASCADE BY TWO LENGTHS! A DOMINANT FINISH FROM THE FOURTEENTH FAVOURITE!
“What we’ve just witnessed here tonight is unexplainable, a shot from dead last to a dominant first in only 200 metres, the other runners gasping for breath! Their final spurts weren’t enough to catch this dark horse out of nowhere! Nakayama Racecourse won’t forget what we’ve seen today, and I think neither will any of the racers!”
“The Symboli Clan should be proud of their representative tonight!”
Well, that was new, I thought. I hadn’t been paying attention to the announcer at all, but I did see something I never thought I’d see. Sirius Symboli was crying.