Chapter Text
God why was I being such a dick? I watched as Makoto kept looking back at me as he got put on the stretcher. He was trying to talk to me and I couldn’t.
He found out. He met the one person I never wanted to. Not even that he knew he was related to me. Makoto wasn’t smart enough to find out how but. He’d find out eventually.
I stood there and watched him get pushed away in his stretched, he kept sitting up and looking at me. He needed me to go with him. I walked over to the paramedic and asked.
“Can I go with him?”
“No, we’re going privately. Get a train or a cab to the hospital”
The paramedic walked away. Makoto kept looking at me till he got pushed into the ambulance.
Man he couldn’t keep his eyes off me. He either was panicking about what was going to happen and he needed me by his side. Or he was mesmerised by how I looked. Probably both, but more so the first one since I looked like I’d just been dragged through a bush.
The ambulance began to drive away and that’s when I realised my leg had been shaking uncontrollably. I tried to stop it, but it wasn’t working.
“You’ve let go of yourself.” A voice said.
That.
That hollow, blunt, flavourless voice that lived in my head throughout my entire life. My heart dropped at the sound of his voice. It never has before. It was only up until I became an adult did, I realise I was so numb as a teenager I wouldn’t even realise, I was scared of my grandfather.
Now was a new awakening.
“You’ve become attached too easily.”
“No.”
I turned around and faced him. He looked exactly the same. He’d lost a little weight and looked a little older, because he was. I was surprised he wasn’t dead yet. Part of me wished he was. The other part knew I’d probably try stop myself from crying at his funeral.
“You don’t get to dictate my life anymore. I am a grown adult and you do not get to speak to me.”
I spoke firmly and with the same authority I grew up with.
“I can tell you’re not as strong a detective anymore, like you were when you were younger.” He said bland, blunt and boring.
God the boringness really made me pissed off.
“Ok, well I helped solve one of the most important crimes in the history of this country, not even country, the world.” I spoke. Giving myself credit for the class trials, and the final killing game.
“Well they don’t-“
“No. You don’t get it. I’ve finally started living my life outside of being in the world of crime. I didn’t have a childhood, because you, my father and my mother took that away from me.”
He stuttered again trying to speak.
“No, don’t try defend yourself. I shouldn’t have been in school, living my teenage years. No I was solving mysteries that you were too lazy to solve yourself. And don’t say you were too old. You were in your fifties and you look like you still haven’t retired.” I argued back, getting frustrated.
“Kyoko Kirigiri.”
“No, don’t give me that. You know I’m right.”
He tried speaking again but I kept cutting him off. Going back and forward between my childhood and how I didn’t want to speak to my grandfather.
“Listen here and listen well.” I spoke with authority, looking down on him, since I was taller now.
“Stay out of my life. Do not contact me. I am, finally, finally genuinely happy. I have the best life, I’ve good friends, I’ve a decent job, I’ve the best partner I could ask for. And I want to have a future outside of being a detective.”
I took a breath before I started again.
“As much as I hate to say something good about him. My father was right to leave that legacy. To go out and have a life, to marry my mother and to have me. Because that’s my goal in life. To have a family. Because I’ve never, never had that.”
I finished there and we looked at me with that same, bland expression.
“You seem to forget, your father completely crumbled because he got attached. That’s why your are the way you are.” He said.
He was right. I couldn’t deny him. He was completely right.
“Because he reacted like a normal human. If Makoto died, I… I don’t know what I’d do with myself…”
I’d admitted painfully. I wasn’t looking at him anymore.
He walked up beside me like he was walking away and whispered to me.
“You’re your fathers daughter.”
And walked away.
That’s not something I’d like to hear frequently.
~
I sat in the hospital waiting room. Waiting for some sort of improvement of what was going on in that surgery room. My legs were still shaking and I couldn’t stop it this time.
I just wanted to see Makoto. Bring him home. Bring him to bed and stay in his arms until I die. That was all I was dreaming of right now.
Some of the other doctors fully wrapped my thigh and now there was a massive bandage going the whole way around it. They gave me crutches too to help me.
I still waited. My patience wearing away were so slowly. I tried to distract myself by getting some work done but my thoughts were clouded.
“You’re your father’s daughter”
Those 4 words ringing through my head like a doorbell.
I tried everything in my power to keep my dad out of my life. But he was right. He was so right.
I was becoming my father.
I wanted to get away from my grandfathers legacy and do my own thing. Have a family. And live my life. But my father wanted that too. And he did that. He pursued a new job. Got married. Had me. That’s what I want.
Not this legacy on my back.
Now I don’t think I could ever pursue any job other than being a detective. But I wanted to have a family someday. Give my kids what I wasn’t given. Would I be a good mother?
Probably not. But I’d try my best.
But what had my grandfather told Makoto about me. Or about my past. Makoto had started asking me about it but what had he actually told him.
I rubbed my eyes in frustration. Knowing I was going to have a very awkward, complicated and difficult conversation with Makoto whether I liked it or not.
I decided to keep my mind off things and try read. It was the only way I’d calm myself down so way. Considering my leg was still shaking uncontrollably.
I took out my book and tried to focus on the word on the page.
But my mind drifted to the conversation with my grandfather. The upcoming conversation with Naegi. Jesus I was panicking so much I was referring him by his surname. I haven’t done that in a long time…
I was going to go mad. My sound of the fan in the corner going off. The flickering lights. The constant noise. The people being pushed through the hospital on a stretcher through the emergency doors. The constant shake on my leg. The uncertainty of that was going to happen. Like what if they had to amputate Makoto’s arm? I’ve was overthinking it but it was still a possibility
I decided to take a break. I stood up and went outside and went to the garden. It was surrounded by a arch with vines and flowers everywhere. There was a bench and I decided to sit there. Just staring at the sky. It was a hazy, clear day. It wasn’t that hot but there was no wind, which was nice.
The calming aroma was nice and made me feel better. I sat back and stared at the sky. It was mesmerising. Did I look like a complete child? Yes I definitely did. But I didn’t care. I had too much to think about right now.
I could’ve been sitting there staring for the whole day. Just watching as the small hazy clouds passed ever so slowly. It was hypnotic. It calmed me down thankfully.
I sat there for atleast 15 minutes. I didn’t care that my neck was started to get sore. I was in another world. Just staring.
I was taken back to reality when I heard my phone ring. I basically jumped to it assuming it was the doctor, notifying me about Makoto’s surgery. Whether he was finished or not.
I picked it up without looking at who was calling me.
“Hello?” I spoke in a rushed tone.
“You sound in hurry” it was Byakuya over the phone.
“Byakuya… why are you calling me.” My voice had a hint of disappointment in it. Which he definitely noticed.
“I wasn’t the phone call you were hoping for?” He said laughing slightly.
“Well, I’m just waiting for any word on how Makoto is.” I said sighing at the end of my
sentence.
“Well… what’s up with him then? I haven’t heard anything.” He spoke over the phone.
“He got shot in his shoulder and it got severely infected. So they’re trying to get the infection out. I’m worried they’re gonna need to amputate his arm.” I said.
“They won’t need to go that far. I’m sure they don’t have to cut his bleedin’ arm off” Byakuya said trying to calm me down obviously.
“Yea, but the fuckers shot him, drugged him and I know this is partially my fault. I should’ve just stayed with him”
“Kyoko how is that your fault you were asked to leave as far as I know.”
“I know but they were trying to lure me.”
“What… Kyoko what are you talking about.”
“They drugged Makoto and kidnapped him to lure me to their base. They’re trying to kill me, most likely because of my father’s involvement in the tragedy. But Makoto wouldn’t have gotten nearly killed if I had been there.” I said leaving no place for breath and my voice cracking towards the end.
Byakuya went quiet for a moment.
“Kyoko are you crying?” He asked with a confronting, but comforting voice.
“No…” I lied feeling the tears in my eyes. Knowing how I grew up crying was a sin. So I tried to stop myself. “I’m fine.”
“You’re clearly not.”
“I’m fine-“
“Kyoko, you can’t control what those terrorists want out of your or Makoto. Yes I can understand why they might have wanted to kill your father but killing you makes no sense.” He said cutting me off.
I went to speak again but cut me off again.
“Listen, what happened, you can’t control. Don’t blame yourself over stupid shit. Makoto would kill you himself if he caught you like this.” I chuckled at his comment knowing he was right, but finding the light-hearted part of it.
“Yea, ok.” I said while wiping my face.
“Anything else? You wouldn’t cry over something this small.” He said knowing there was more.
“Do I have to tell you.” I said.
“You don’t have to. But I think it’s better to talk about it. Yes you may find it easier to talk to Makoto or Aoi. But I can relate to your circumstances.” He spoke while I moved my phone to the other ear.
I thought about it for a moment.
Jesus was he never wrong about something?
“Makoto was kidnapped alone with another man. That man being my grandfather. I thought he was dead and I was happy to have him out of my life. Now I don’t know if he told Makoto anything about me… if he did it would only be the worst.” I finished before starting again.
“And when I spoke to my grandfather, he basically just called me pathetic and that I wasn’t the same detective I used to be. And called me my father’s daughter. Which is probably the worst thing you could say to me.”
I choked out a soft sob at the end and covered my mouth almost immediately.
He went quiet again, giving me a moment to calm myself.
“Coming from someone who has a similar situation with my family.” He took a breath. “Keep him out of your life. I wish I was able to do that with my parents before they died. But… you shouldn’t let him affect you.”
He spoke with honesty. He wasn’t trying to comfort me. He was just being rational. But it comforted me in that way.
“Ok… thank you Byakuya…”
“I’m not trying to be your shoulder to cry on.”
“I know… but you are anyway.”
“Yea go back to your boyfriend your eejit”
“Did you just call me an eejit?” I laughed and scoffed at the same time.
“I did. And you’re crying about it anyway.”
I laughed at his words. He may be a dick at times, but when he wanted to, he could be a real gentleman I probably shouldn’t say that with a partner, but it was the truth.
“Tell me how Makoto is after the surgery, ok?” He told me. Knowing Makoto was his best friend and would probably like to know how he’s doing and whether he’ll have more than one arm.
“Yea, I will.” I said my voice no longer cracked. “Thanks again.”
“Anytime Kyoko. Take care.”
“Yea, you are too.”
He hung up and I wiped my eyes. I rubbed away the mascara I had slightly cried away. I couldn’t believe I had become vulnerable to Byakuya. Of all people. Him.
I decided to stay on the bench for another little while. For once it was just me. Me at peace.
~
I had decided to take a walk after staying at the bench for atleast an hour. It was nice to be just beside myself and have a calm walk.
That’s when my phone rang again. I wasn’t as anxious anymore, the conversation with Byakuya must’ve helped in that sense. I picked up my phone. It was an unknown number, but I picked it up anyway.
“Hello?” I spoke with a neutral tone.
“Hi, is this Kyoko Kirigiri?” The woman over the phone said. I recognised the voice too.
“Yea, that’s me.” I responded.
“Great, I’m reporting that your partner mr. Naegi has woken up from his anaesthesia and is in the recovery room. His surgery was successful, and the doctors didn’t have to remove any limbs.”
It was the receptionist from earlier. My heart dropped at first but I slowly calmed down hearing he was ok.
“That’s great, thank you. I’ll come down now.”
“Yea, that would be great. He was asking for you as far as I know.” She responded.
“Ok I’ll be there soon, thank you”
I hung up, and made my way back to the gloomy hospital. It was a 5 minute walk so I walked at a fast rate.
Atleast the surgery was successful. And that they didn’t have to remove his arm. But I was still worried about what he’d say to me. Whatever my grandfather had told him.
I imagined every scenario and every terrible thing I had done during my childhood. Every time I messed up in court, when I messed up an investigation, let a suspect get away, had let emotion out. But one thing outlawed them all.
What happened with Yui. Makoto knew a little. She knew who she was and that she was dead and that incident is how I ended up with the burns. That’s it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him anything else since I started crying talking about it.
It was the first time he’d seen me cry. But it was the first time I started to not be that numb teenager I was years ago. And he had been there for me during that entire time. Another reason he was the best person I had ever met.
I just hoped he wouldn’t hate me. Hate me for what I did back then.
No. No he wouldn’t hate me.
Why would he hate me?
I tried to kill him and if he didn’t hate me for that why would he hate me for something he’s not involved in?
I was overthinking everything. I really had to stop.
Before I realised it I was at the hospital building. I walked through the revolving doors and reached the reception.
I spoke with genuine concern for Makoto, hoping to not be waiting long. “Hiya, I’m here for Makoto Naegi?”
The receptionist looked up to me. “Hi, yea do you mind following me I’ll bring you to where he is” it was the same woman I had been on the phone with.
I followed her down the multiple corridors as she showed me where Makoto would be. There were multiple direction signs but none of them would be where we were going. Until I seen a sign reading ‘post-surgery’ which we followed. She knocked on a door and poked her head in. She spoke to whoever was inside, stepped back out and a doctor left the room.
“Right, you go right ahead darling.” She left me then.
“Thank you.” My hands had become clammy underneath my gloves and I held the door handle and slowly opened the door, my anxiety coming back again.
I took a deep breath and opened the door fully and closed it behind me. I looked at the bed where Makoto was lying. He seen me and sat up straight.
“Hey, you ok?” He spoke, of course worrying about me first.
“Yea, I should be asking you the same.” I walked over and sat on the chair beside the bed.
“Yea I’m ok. I’m swollen and sore. But I can go today. Since they didn’t have to get bone deep I will recover faster.” He responded and he took my hand.
I let him take my hand.
“But the poison is all gone. Right?” I asked with concern.
“Yea, as far as I know. They said they’ll do an MRI when it recovers to double check there’s nothing.” He smiled as rubbed my thumb.
“That’s good…” we went quiet for a moment. Before I spoke again.
“Byakuya was asking after you.”
“Yea? What did you tell him.”
“Just how your in surgery, that’s it.”
“I’ll give him a buzz later.”
He went quiet again. I didn’t know what to say, but he got there first.
“Are you sure you’re ok? You look upset?”
He read me like a book. But not a normal book. A kids book. He did it so easily.
“Yea, I’m ok.” I lied. He knew I was lying but knew I didn’t want to talk now.
“Ok, you can talk whenever you want to, alright?” He reassured.
I nodded simply.
Silence again.
He sighed for a moment which made me look up at him. Since I had been staring at the floor.
“I wanted to talk to you about that old man, I seen him talking to you.” He was talking about my grandfather. I knew this would come up.
“Listen I don’t-“
“What did he tell you.” I spoke sharply, cutting him off unintentionally.
“He didn’t…”
“No, don’t lie to me. He has everything in the world he could’ve possibly told you. Don’t lie to me Naegi I’m serious now.” I was getting frustrated just at the thought of my grandfather.
Makoto sat up straighter.
“Don’t call me that. Thought we were past that point.” He spoke with a little more
seriousness.
“We are. But don’t lie to me.”
“Well maybe if you’d let me speak I could explain what happened. Instead of immediately coming at me extremely defensively like you always do.” He took his hand away and crossed his arms over.
What did he mean by that? ‘Coming at me’ what?
“I’m not coming at you.” I said.
“No, I asked you a question and you jumped to multiple conclusions. Cutting me off before I could even talk.” He said. “How could you know he said stuff about you before I even tell you?”
“So he did talk about me. You did lie” I said sitting back now.
“No, let me speak Kyoko.”
I stayed quiet and gestured him to talk.
“Right… I don’t know how he is, he never told me his name. He never mentioned you. The reason I’m asking you about him is because Detective Miyata referred to him as a ‘Kirigiri.’ That’s what I’m asking you.”
“What are you asking me?”
“Is he related to you.”
“Guess Makoto.”
“Kyoko I’m not in the mood. Stop getting smart with me. Yes he’s obviously related to you. I’d like to know in what way.” He said.
I started to get defensive and put my guards up.
“Why.”
“What do you mean why?”
“Why.”
“Because I’m your boyfriend and I think I deserve to know?” He explained. Sounding more frustrated.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Well Kyoko it clearly does matter since you’re getting this defensive about it.”
We both went silent. I didn’t speak. I didn’t want to talk about him.
“Who is he.” He asked sounding desperate.
“No one important.” I said not giving you answers.
“Well Kyoko it clearly is important if you’re getting so defensive and narky over this. I’m asking you for answers yet you’re just acting bitchy and giving me smart remarks.” He spoke.
“I’m not being a bitch.” I said my voice cracked as I said ‘bitch.’
“You kinda are.”
“Oh fuck off Makoto if your gonna be like that.”
He threw his hands in the air.
“I’m trying to understand what’s going on between you and that man! Why are you giving me shit over this when you could just tell me what’s going on!”
“Because I don’t want you to fucking know Makoto that’s why! Would you ever fuck off.” I snapped and my voice cracked at the end again.
He sighed and put a hand through his hair. Saying Jesus Christ under his breath.
“Kyoko I really don’t want you giving me shit right now. I’m just out of surgery.”
“Ok and I get that. But stop asking me defensive questions.”
“Kyoko go ask the nurse when I can leave, I’m not dealing with this right now.”
He slouched back down clearly not in the mood. Was that my fault? Yes. I just got too insecure and took that out on him. I stood up and waiting for a nurse to come by. Eventually when one did she said they’d put Makoto on a sling and let him go.
The doctor came back and I let him put Makoto’s arm and shoulder in a sling. I decided to go get a cab so we could get back to the hotel as quick as possible. I waited outside. After atleast 5 minutes while waiting for the cab Makoto was wheeled out in a wheelchair before they took it back inside. Leaving us outside on our own.
I don’t know why I reacted the way I did. I was frustrated, angry, relieved, upset, all at once it was too much. I was so confused. That was the only way to describe it, I was just confused.
We stood there in silence and waited for the cab, I got into the front seat and he got in the back once the cab arrived. It was an hour drive to the hotel. Knowing it would be a long, slow and awkward drive.