Chapter Text
Tournament 1:
Read 'em and Weep... I guess(Part 2)
After giving Tina an painstakingly long explanation of how to play Texas Hold ‘Em, the tournament began properly.
It was the sixth hand so far, and all five of you were still in for the most part. You had folded, having been dealt a 7-2 Offsuit, and you took your time studying the players, leaning back on your chair casually.
“Hmm… eh, I'm in,” Chloe shrugged, before chucking a few of the make believe chips into the middle. From the way her body was relaxed as she leaned in with one hand resting on her chin, you could tell she wasn't stressing over her cards, well until the flop that is. She seemed okay at poker, not really bad but made some mistakes here and there. Pretty decent all things considered.
“Oooh, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet! Beeet~!” Tina practically sang as she shoved a row of the red and green chips to the pot. You didn't need any help deciding that this little psycho was a wildcard. Watching her play reminded you how your dad said he played against a crazed rabbit in his poker games. Max, his name was. From what you were told, that little guy played with a toy chimpanzee as a brain and all hyper like a eight year old who drank Red Bull for the first time. Total unpredictability. You're not sure if you hated or liked it.
“...I'm out,” Mineta sighed, tossing his cards as he folded. Out of the four other players at the table so far, the small guy seemed to be the absolute most defensive player. He tends to fold a lot when someone bet a large amount of chips, but likes to stay when luck and the cards goes his way. At first glance, he looked harmless, but something in your gut told you not to underestimate him. After all, he's the one who has the most amount of chips so far.
“...Raise.” If Mineta was the most defensive one, then Bill was definitely the most aggressive player you've ever seen judging by the way he slid an even bigger stack of chips to the growing pot. Jesus, the amount of bad vibes you seem to feel coming off this guy wasn't overwhelming, like the stench of a track runner on a hot summer day. Maybe it was that smug look on his face, as if he was conducting some grand scheme. Whatever it was, he was giving you, and Chloe from the look of things, that almighty icky feeling.
Chloe borrowed her brows, thinking a little bit too hard. “I… call?” She slowly slid some more chips to match Bill's raise.
“This girl ain't gonna back down! That would be unladylike.” Tina said, throwing in some more chips and leaning just forward enough to let out a loud belch in Mineta's face.
“Ugh, gross!” Mineta groaned, covering his nose with his hand to hide the stench. “Seriously?!”
D'arby just sighed, shaking his head in annoyance before shuffling the deck of cards and dealt the flop. You leaned in to see them: Seven of Clubs, King of Clubs, and Five of Hearts. Huh, not a bad flop. You saw the chance of someone having a Straight, but there was a slight chance of a potential Flush. You glanced over at Bill, and you saw his eyes lit up as he went to adjust his glasses. Oh, this guy definitely has something.
But do you wanna know who doesn't have anything? Chloe, judging by the way she balled up her left hand hard enough to nearly draw blood, and let out an explosive breath as she slapped her forehead with her right.
Damn, you wanted to feel bad, but at the end of the day it always came down to pure, dumb luck.
Chloe took a moment to compose herself, before tapping on the table twice. “...Check… I guess.”
“Mayhaps I shall try to bet. Ehhhhhh, check!” Tina tapped on the table as well, going for the check too.
Bill must have smelled blood in the water, because he had that damn shit eating grin as he pushed more chips into the pot. “Time for this pot to boldly go where no pot has gone before!”
“Jesus fuckin'... just take it!” Chloe threw in the towel, throwing her cards to the middle. She sat back at her chair, taking the joint and lighter she had in her jacket and brought it to her lips as she lit it.
“Ugh, these cards are rancid, burn it with fire!” Tina folded her cards well, her voice all whiny.
“Bill makes off with the pot,” D'arby announced plainly, overlooking the table as he leaned in slightly.
The nerdy guy rose from his seat, and began to scoop up the chips in the middle and slid it into his side. “Heh, Everything's coming up Dickey!”
You fought the urge to roll your eyes, scratching your forearm as you chilled in your seat. You began to notice an awkward silence filling the table as D'arby shuffled the deck to prepare for the next round. Well, you weren't shocked. You guys were just a bunch of strangers from all over the world. Hell, you were sure that one of you wasn't even from this planet, remembering your dad telling you about this time he went to this planet that makes Mad Max look like candyland.
Thankfully, Tina was the one to break the silence. You saw that the blonde, little girl staring at Mineta a little too hard. Her blue eyes went unblinking… Wait, why did one of her eyes move like that?
“...Balls.” Tina stated flatly.
“Eh?” Mineta blurted, a bit puzzled at what she said.
“You have balls on your head!” Tina pointed out.
“Uh.. yeah? I was born with them after all. What about it?” The small boy asked.
“What's it like having them on your head?” Tina tilted her head.
Mineta scratched the side of his head with one finger bashfully. “Well, it is what it is. I mean, it's kinda lame, but I'm not overly complaining about it.”
“Hey, I don't think it's lame at all! I bet you can do some really cool shit with those!” Tina pondered.
“Well, I can rip them off my head, and they'll stick onto anything. And that's, uh… that's all I can do with them really.” Mineta whispered that last part a little bit dejected.
“Aw, don't beat yourself too badly. Heck, maybe I could find some use out of them!” Tina said, putting a hand on her chin.
“How?” Mineta asked.
“Duh, by using them to make some sticky grenades! There's nothing more fun than watching some poor suckah trying to frantically save his life by clawing it off, only to watch him explode into Itty bitty pieces!” Tiny Tina sighed dreamily, the thought of what she said playing in her head like a scene from a sappy romance movie.
“...Um, I think I'll pass on that,” Mineta blurted out, disturbed by the mere thought.
“Eh, your loss.” Tina shrugged.
“Man, I haven't seen a flop this bad since Superman 4!” Bill frowned as he tossed his hand away from him.
Another round was underway, and only you and Mineta were sticking around as Chloe and Tina also folded. The flop hasn't been bad for you yet; Four of Hearts, Jack of Clubs, and Ten of Spades. You checked your cards again. Pair of Fours thanks to the Four of Diamonds you had along with the Queen of Hearts. While it wasn't much, you felt like you could still work with it. You decided to go for the check.
“You know, if I were in charge of this joint, I'd probably not use a comic book shop as a front,” Chloe mused as you watched Mineta bet a small bet of a couple of green chips. Eh, why not. It wasn't a large amount of chips, so you decided to call that.
“Why? Because of the junkyard?” Bill raised an eyebrow as D'arby dealt the turn. Ooh! You had a Two Pair thanks to that Jack of Hearts. Nice!
“That, and I didn't like how that fat walrus at the front was practically eye fucking me,” Chloe spat out, disgust made very apparent in her voice. You decided to bet a little, throwing in $700 worth of fake chips into the pot with a mix of green and red chips.
“Yeah, I don't really like Joe either. The guy's a total rip-off,” Bill agreed, as Mineta decided to hit you with a raise. A raise? Huh, you guessed that the small guy either has something too, or he's bluffing his rear off. It couldn't be the latter, because you noticed that he was quite the emotional one which gave away some of his tells. Hmm… eh, why not. You called again as Bill continued on with his conversation with the blue haired girl. “...But Joe's shop is the only spot left since all the other stores shut down. I even heard that Joe was ready to close up shop too until the Inventory stepped in. But hey, you lucked out. At least it wasn't Big Sal's shop.”
“Yeah? Why's that?” Chloe asked, as the river was dealt. Aaaand… holy crap! Four of Spades! A Full House! Okay, chill out. Just play it cool. You had this in the bag, just pretend you have nothing. You went for another check.
“Sal got busted for being a kiddie toucher a while ago,” Bill nonchalantly stated.
“Fuckin’ yuck.” Was the only response, as Mineta quickly went for a bet silently. It was probably because of how he wanted to tune out the conversation that took a swift turn, which was understandable.
“Yeah. A shame too. He had really good prices over there,” Bill said.
“Wow. You're such a great beacon of good morals,” Chloe quipped with a tone more dryer than the desert. “The world thanks you.”
“Hey! It wasn't like I was the guilty one! I was just saying that he just ran a good business before he got caught being a creep. At least he didn't do any weird shit to me or my friends.” Bill retorted.
“Man, it's like almost everyone in this town is either hella fucking weird or a slime ball!” Chloe pointed out with an exasperated sigh.
“Yeah, welcome to Eltingville.” Bill said, as you figured that it was time to pop out and show people. You pushed all of your chips to the pot as you went all in, to the shock of the other players.
“Damn son!” Tina piped up, staring at the large pot.
Mineta also stared a bit shaky, clearly unprepared for you going all in like that. After a few beats, he just decided to fold. “I'm not running away from this hand. I'm just… tactically retreating. Y-Yeah, that's it!”
“Pussysayswhat!” Bill managed to quickly mask that statement with a ‘cough’ as the small boy glared at him unamused.
You just smirked as you ran off with the pot.
Another round had passed, and you and the other decided to take a break before heading into the next round, with the dealer heading outside for a quick cigarette. Tina had gone to the mini bar and raided it for snacks, and laid them out onto the poker table haphazardly. You were lazily munching on some sour cream and onion Pringles, your eyes glued onto your phone as you mindlessly scrolled through your socials.
“Uh… Bill, was it?” Mineta asked, taking a sip from a can of grape juice he had taken from the pile. “I heard that you came here with some of your friends, right?”
“Well, yeah,” Bill answered, taking a bite from a long stick of blue raspberry flavored laffy-taffy. “Obviously I wouldn't come here alone. Why'd you ask?”
“I think I saw one of them arguing with one of mine over at the arcade. The one with the blue hoodie and the red cap, I think.” Mineta recalled.
“Wait, you're talking about the guy Pete was talking to? The one with the bird head?” Bill raised an eyebrow.
“Mhm. Tokoyami told me that they were arguing about who was better: Frankenstein or Dracula.” Mineta explained, taking another sip of his juice.
“Oh yeah? Well, I'm not surprised,” Bill rolled his eyes, pointing at the small boy with the half eaten stick of taffy. “If there's one thing I know for sure about Pete, he gets really defensive over Boris Karloff, especially when it's about something like Frankenstein. Either that, or his ‘love’ for Christopher Lee.”
“Old school horror fan?” Chloe piped up, finishing eating a blue bag of Doritos.
“Oh, you don't even know the half of it!” Bill stated proudly. “He has a massive boner for all kinds of horror media. Giallo, survival horror, classic horror, fucked up cannibal flicks. You name it, he's a fan!”
“Sounds like my kinda guy,” Chloe mused, balling up the empty chip big and tossing it into the trash.
“What about you, Chloe? Did you bring someone with you?” Mineta asked the blue-haired girl.
“Nah, I decided to fly solo this time. I would've brought my friend Max here if she wasn't busy with her classes and shit.” Chloe replied.
“Wait, you have a friend named Max too?!” Tina turned to Chloe, distracted from devouring a bunch of mini brownies, crumbs all over her mouth. “Me too! Ooh, I need to tell you all about him sometime. That bunny is a brother from another mama… Lagomorph!”
The small talk continued on while you five were snacking, the calm and soothing jazz playing in the faint background. Well, this was a welcome change from that silence from earlier, and you felt like everyone including Bill was having a good time.
You had no complaints… for now, at least. In your mind, you knew how poker games can get heated in a hurry.
After you guys were finished with the snack, D’arby came back to the room and another round of poker had started. You swiftly went to check your hand, tilting the cards slightly to make sure no one was peeking. Six of Clubs and Eight of Diamonds. Eh, it wasn't the worst you could get, but it wasn't anything strong. You could see the straight potential, and after a few beats of contemplating, you decided to call.
“Hey Dick, hey Dick, hey Dick!” Tina called out to the brown-haired nerd as she folded her hand.
“...I take it you're talking to me,” Bill groaned in annoyance as he called as well.
“You know it!” Tina responded in a sing-song tone, while Chloe went to call as well. “Is it true that you're the president of a fan club?”
“First of all, my name is Dickey. Dickey.” Bill corrected as Mineta went for a check, calling for the flop to be dealt. “Secondly, I am not just in charge of some… dumb little ‘fan club’. I'll have you know that the Eltingville Comic Book, Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy and Role-Playing Club are the most dedicated, the most devoted, and the most demanding bunch of gentlemen you will meet in your entire life! All those other so called fans are fucking posers!”
“Oh, I can just smell the ‘lonely virgin’ from here.” Chloe quipped, as the dealer placed the flop down. Six of Hearts, Queen of Diamonds, and Two of Diamonds. A Pair of Sixes, and a chance of a potential Flush. Not bad at all, time for some betting. You threw in some red chips as a small bet, no less than $700.
“Fuck off!” Bill spat back as he went for a raise. “You're just jealous at the fact of me and the club being cooler than whatever mosh pit you crawled out of!”
Mineta thought about it for a bit, and decided to get out before things could get dicey.
“Cool? You? Yeah, because hanging out in your mom's basement talking about Star Wars all day is the total bee's knees or whatever the fuck!” Chloe sarcastically raised her point as she folded as well, leaving you to decide your next play.
“As if you could ever appreciate George Lucas' masterpiece,” was the best counter point Bill had. Yeah, you could easily tell that this guy has no life whatsoever.
Chloe felt that as well, clearly unfazed. “Yeah, yeah, just keep on being a basement dwelling asshole. Whatever makes you sleep at night.”
You looked at the flop, messing with your chips absentmindedly as you pondered your choice. In your mind, folding was the best player. Bill raising possibly meant he had something good, but there was a chance of him just bluffing. It couldn't be the latter, as the boy seemed to be relaxed. Hell, he looked pleased with himself. He totally has something.
You wanted to fold… but in your heart, you had your dad's words of wisdom echoing in your head.
‘When in doubt… Let it ride!’
You decided to go with your gut feeling, and went for the call.
“Dude, you know he's totally baiting you right?” Chloe's rhetorical question aimed right at you, but you paid no mind.
And now the turn… oh? Oh?! Five of Diamonds?!
You felt your heart begin to pound in your chest, your mouth almost salivating as you tasted the potential Flush. Okay, cool it down. You knew that there was the chance of the river completely screwing you over, but you felt you were too deep to give in now. You went to push some chips in another bet.
Bill snorted at the amount of chips you used. “I'll take your Hank Pym sized bet and meet you with a Galactus sized raise!” Bill pushed in a large chunk of his chips to the pot.
Oh, that's how he wants to play it? Well, two can play that game. Re-raise.
“Wow! Dick move.” Chloe commented, completely enthralled by your play.
Dickey narrowed his eyes. “Oh, you wanna get nuts?” He got up from his seat, and pushed all of his chips to the pot. “Okay… let's get nuts!”
“Wow, look at all the pretty chips!” Tina chimed in.
You glared at the chips as well, and the mere size of it made you feel a bit lightheaded. You knew that possibly calling was a foolish idea. Completely reckless. And yet… from the feeling of anxiety that began to drown you, the fear of losing haunting, and the way Bill still had that grin. That stupid fucking grin, that smug, smug grin…
It was right then, you felt it.
That feeling. It was something you'd never felt before.
It clawed at you. That burning heat you felt in your stomach.
It didn't feel human. It felt animalistic. Like how a lion would stalk an unknowing gazelle.
It was the need, the desire, the instinct… of rushing your prey and tearing its fucking throat out.
“Go ahead… break his spirit.” You noticed that Tina might have seen that look on your face as she commanded you wickedly.
You decided to oblige, pushing all of your chips. All. Fucking. In.
You were met with the sounds of surprise and amazement of the ballsy move you just made from the three who folded.
Bill just laughed at your face, the sound more grating than nails on a chalkboard. “You actually called that?! You're a fucking moron!” He took his cards and revealed them, flipping them and slamming it down onto the table.
And quickly, you felt that fire inside you just completely go out, and the moisture in your mouth drying out as your jaw goes slack.
For fuck's sake… he has Pocket Fives?!
“Aw man, that sucks!” Mineta pouted as he saw Bill's cards. “He has a Three of a Kind!”
“And now we have to hear Captain Four-Eyes gloat his ass off,” Chloe crossed her arms.
You hesitated, before taking your cards and flipping them over as well.
“Ha! Seriously? A Pair of Sixes?!” Bill adjusted his glasses happily. “You were really going all out for nothing? Dude, you really are an amateur!”
You gritted and sucked your teeth. Damn, you really weren't going to live this down.
“...Wait,” Mineta took a closer look at the community cards, and then a swift look at your cards. “...There's a small chance… but they might have a shot at winning if the river is a Diamond.”
“Right. If. That's just the case. There's no fucking way you'll get that lucky. The odds are a million to one!” Bill smugly commented.
D'arby, after looking at everything silently, decided to pipe in. “Well… Let fate decide on that before you make another statement. May I?”
You held your breath as the dealer went to dish out the river. All the air had sucked out from the table, with all of the players waiting for the other boot to drop. You leaned forward, bracing for impact. No matter what happened, you knew for certain you played your heart out, and had a ton of fun on the way out.
The river was finally placed on the table.
Everything froze.
No one made a single noise, not even a whimper.
You looked down.
…
…Holy shit.
No.
No fucking way.
You blinked, and blinked, almost wanting to make sure it was real.
Yes.
YES!
HOLY FUCK, ACE OF DIAMONDS!
A FLUSH!
You looked up, and had the almost grand time watching that smug on Bill Dickey's face slowly melt as his jaw dropped like something from a cartoon.
“Uh… what the… how the… fucking… What?!” Words had failed the nerdy club president, gulping for air like a fish out of water.
Then the dam broke.
Tiny Tina had gone from silent to flat out dying from laughter, falling out of her chair as she held her sides “Oh… oh, my God… that… that was… his face… that… you should see your face man!”
“...Okay, I wished I was recording this,” Mineta fought the urge to join in with the laughter, but you could see the biggest grin on his face.
“Honestly? Same, little dude. Same.” Chloe said with a smile even bigger than that.
“The Player has a Flush. Bill Dickey has a Three of a Kind. The Player wins the hand.” The bizarre looking dealer announced.
“...No! Fuck that! I refuse! That did not just fucking happen to me!” Bill shouted in disbelief, nearly going red in the face as he gripped his hair to the point of almost ripping it off.
“Well, it did. You gambled, you lost.” D'arby stated in a matter of fact tone. “You can cry all you want, it won't make any difference. You've been eliminated from play. Now, would you kindly leave the table now?"
With a frustrated shout, Bill threw his cards onto the table. “Whatever! This game fucking blows anyway!” He stomped away from the table, plopping down onto the couch and grabbed for the remote with the hope of erasing the humiliation of losing from mind.
You just happily scooped up the pot and brought it back to your side.
It really was going to be a good night after all!