Chapter Text
Some time ago. Maybe a few months, or those two years when he had left, the thought of constantly being in this town made him spiral between hatred and a feeling that was far more stronger than any fear or rage. If only giving up on revenge that gave him a basic live force, a strength to keep going would be easier. He spent all that time silently planning, scheming trough the systems and crimes of the so called "holly city". All those people got to live in a sweet unknowing world of bliss while his family was burned to death with no proper burial. He read that in many cultures which crumbled long ago, souls of the dead would wonder the earth until their body would lay in the ground with the accompaniment of a ceremony. He wondered if the forest people had such way of saying goodbye for their deceased loved ones. He knew that he would never find out. Hope for people is like the last call for help, hoping was for people who couldn't, or wouldn't do something. Having a hope is egoistical. Instead of fighting for a better world, better future, humans preferred to wait and pray in their heads. That's what his life taught him, but what could he do instead of hoping that his family is not trapped here on this brutal planet. They deserved a good rest, a bliss that was given for No. 6 citizens since birth.
His travel has ended, so he assumed that he partially was in peace with his mind. Time flew and he had a chance to experience all those things that Shion was able to fix. All those lives that were saved, so many children finally had a possibility to be happy, to live like kids should. He promised to be grateful to be alive, to try going on like other normal people would, but sometimes it was hard. He caught himself of thinking about "ifs". In existence there was no "ifs", the dead will stay dead, the past still will be the unchangeable past. But what if his sister would have been given a similar chance. At first this image made him tear up. He was turning weak once again. Those people now knew all about the sins of their once beloved city. They were no longer turning away their eyes, but they wished to be able to do that. It was visible in their gaze and how quickly they accepted a young, under age boy as their leader. They wanted to live in peace, wasn't he doing the same thing?
-…mi….Nezumi! - a slightly annoyed voice made its appearance.
Once again Shion was able to surprise him. He didn't heard his steps, but now he was standing right in front of him. In deemed light his eyes beared the colour of delicate violet, not the violent red that he himself had feared. His mimic was full of concern, and some kind of sadness or fright. It was rare to find Nezumi lost in his thought and even rarer to catch him unaware of someones presence even if so said presence was so oblivious. When Shion came Nezumi's gaze was fixed to an open window. The wind was playing with his hair, and his eyes were full of uncertain feelings. He was like that since they came back from one of the new educational facilities yesterday. Shion didn't asked then since Nezumi happened to be more emotional after his travel. Still he acted tough, but in front of Shion he choose to be more free in some way. That didn't mean that he was full of sunshines or rainbows, it meant that he trusted Shion enough to show him his vulnerable side. Sometimes he laughed sincerely, sometimes he cried even thought he was still ashamed to do so. Shion was grateful and proud that finally Nezumi let himself to be a human. But that gaze looking over the frame of window made him anxious, that maybe for Nezumi choosing to live at peace meant to disappear once again. They promised each other that after those six months they would leave together and Shion tried to ground himself with this belief.
- Sorry that I came so late - his voice was full of tenderness. He realized that this moment was strangely intimate, sacred. A silence was heard between the lull of a young night, but that silence wasn't awkward it was a reminder, a word that would not be said out loud "I'm here. I will not leave. You can be at peace". For both of them the sentence was the same, but it meant different things. One was a reminder of their promise, and the second was a delicate and yet a little bit frightening nudge to let the mask fall. - We are starting to prepare the elections, we want everything to be as it should be - he interlocked their fingers as he kissed Nezumi's forehead.
Such a delicate gesture was becoming a normality in their shared live, but still Nezumi couldn't get accustomed to it. In the bunker he would laugh at Shion for even proposing such a thing, now it was different.
- I believe No. 6 isn't so dangerous to walk alone at night? - a supposed scoff turned into a sign of worry. They still didn't knew the person behind the mysterious incidents.
- I had Hecate with me. She is literally my bodyguard, I would fell more concerned for the person who would dare to attack me in her presence - he laughed to show that they should relax and not think about "ifs".
- You named it, why would you name this dog after the goddess of witchcraft? - his smile showed that Nezumi was amused. Two years ago they had a similar conversation. Then his companions, mice were nothing but a tool for digging up information, his time with Shion taught him, that those animals were not only a mere things that would die one day, but they were a loyal friends. Now they are given a proper rest between the roots of their existence, below the ground of the mao forest. He realized, that he was not different from them. The years will pass and the only thing left that will be a reminder of his existence will be his name. He will remember Cravat, Hamlet and Tsukiyo, he and Shion will hold their remnants in their hearts. That is the importance of a name. Nezumi hopes that one day reveling his own name wont be so frightening.
- Whats so funny about it? - his eyes shining with joy resembled a fine amethyst. - You don't remember, that in Macbeth Hecate was a mother of those witches, that told him his future. "Macbeth" by William Shakespeare, act three, scene number five. Thunder! The three witches enter meeting Hecate. Why! Oh how now Heca- his monologue was ended by a palm meeting with his lips.
- I'm not falling for your bad acting skills - he took away his hand with a sight. - Go wash yourself. You stink and I'm…tired - there was a hesitation in his voice that was steady just a while ago. He let his gaze wonder to the topic of their conversation. A big, black dog was peacefully resting on their shared bed. Living with Inukashi it would not dare to sleep with its owner, because of the hierarchy, but Shion spoiled it so much, that it had to sleep with them. He would not agree to such allegations, he said, that she was protecting them while they slept.
Back in the bunker she would be a good source of heat, but in their shared apartment there was no need for such primitive method. Usually she would scutter close to them, or rather Nezumi even thought he insisted, that the animal should sleep on the floor. His live was surprisnlgy domestic, he had a family. It was small, but a really happy one. They slept in one bed while there was four of them. He, Shion, Heca-the dog and a mouse.
- It wasn't that bad…- he exhaled accepting defeat. - I'm leaving, if you're tired go to sleep already. There are dark circles under your eyes - Shion said and his voice instantly sounded more serious. He wanted to look Nezumi in the eyes, but he was probably struggling with saying out loud his response, so his gaze was still focused on Hecate.
Shion was leaving their bedroom, when a sudden sentence stopped him.
- I will wait, even if you would spend there a whole next day - Nezumi realized that his wording was a little bit too deep for such a conversation. - I don't know what would you do all that time, but I wasn't serious, if you don't hurry your ass I will come there, pry you away from the bath and put you to sleep myself - he tried correcting himself, but his words still sounded too sentimental.
- Don't worry I prefer staying with you while we have a free moment anyway - he said without a laugh, there was no need to get Nezumi embarrassed over words that were clearly sincere.
There was a sudden silence, then a distant sound of a running water. He hidden his gaze in the palms of his hands. "What am I even doing?" he said to himself with disbelief. He didn't deserve this life, with love, with a new family. He left them behind. In those warm moments with Shion his mind kept on reminding him of his relatives which could no longer experience the heat of other human being. Before the fall of No. 6 he kept doing everything for revenge, now that was left behind him came the guilt.He lay on his side on the bed. He was no longer searching for a feeling of warm, then why this dog kept on sleeping beside him? A sigh left his lips only to be stopped at the same second. Sighing just like hoping was just a sign of weakness. Feeling weak should be okay now. After all the things that he, that they, he and Shion lived trough it should be okay, but it wasn't. Nezumi was never accustomed to let himself feel frail. Shion made him fragile and Nezumi was not ready to deal with it. He spent two years trying to accept those feelings to come back as a person who would not run away anymore. It frustrated him, that even after all these months of searching for answers, of dealing with his own emotions they were still so stubborn. They were and they still are a part of him that never will disappear, but maybe with more time and healing they will fade away. Still he felt a responsibility to carry the history of all that nas happened. The culture of his nation, death of his relatives, running away and finding Shion, then changing him in a ways that he should never experience. He had to decide, either he will try to forget or still be overthrown by own shadows.
He felt the waging of Hecate's tail when Shion came back to the room. Probably he knew, that Nezumi wasn't asleep he just choose to do nothing about it. He layed close, just behind his back, but still making space for his giant bodyguard. The fuzzy, thick duvet was wrapped around them. Their little companions snored a little, but they should not get compared to Shion. They all slept soundly, well beside Nezumi who didn't slept trough the most of the night. He was being held by his own fears, the hold was not warm like Shion's, but it felt like it's grasp left raging burns all over his scars.