Chapter Text
❂❂❂
...
What?
Reki’s eyes snap open, but doesn’t make a move to get off Langa. He finds a comforting blue pair of eyes meet his—what Reki guesses his look like—frantic hazel. Langa had sat up at one point. How did Reki not notice?
One thing Reki noticed was his position stayed the same, just further down and onto his stomach area. Another thing he felt was different was a returning squeeze on his hand. Reki wished all these things didn’t make his stomach all fluttery.
“Reki..” Langa repeated. Langa’s sickness—an unknown fever or more likely cold—had seemed to die down. His face was still flushed with a somewhat natural blush, like he was embarrassed to be there. Reki should be the one who’s embarrassed, not him!
Yet, when Reki looked into Langa’s eyes for the stars that made them shine, Langa stared at him back like Reki was the one who hung them in the first place.
Reki had to close his eyes again. How could he keep them open and stare into Langa’s after that?
Reki found the courage to speak and shamefully admitted, “..I didn’t mean to say your name..outloud. I was just thinking.”
Langa looked at him deeply, then spoke softly. “Really? Because I just had the best dream ever.” He had a dreamy look on his face, like an angel had reciprocated his feelings.
Reki carefully cracked his eyes open to Langa, staring at nothing but the ceiling dreamily. Reki didn’t mean for his voice to come out so strained, “Oh yeah? What was this amazing dream about?”
Langa kept staring, “It was—” Langa seemed to snap back to reality. His love sick expression switched to an awkward smile and crimson blush creeping up his face. Reki was really curious now.
Reki scooted closer to Langa’s heated face. Forgetting his worries, forgetting—
He’s too good looking not to like girls.
He was now staring at Langa, who seemed to be even more nervous than before. “What was it?”
Reki felt Langa grip his hand with a sweaty palm, and his icy eyes wandering everywhere but Reki’s. The deep blush now heavily contrasts his pale skin.
Why didn’t he want to.. Oh!
“Don’t tell me you had a wet dream? Right after we had that conversation about—" Reki then found his mouth to be covered by Langa’s free hand.
“I did not have a wet dream! Stop assuming everything has something to do with sex.”
Right, stop assuming things. You’re making him uncomfortable.
Reki backed away, just a small bit. “Uh,right.. Sorry.”
Langa looked guilty. Why? What expression did Reki have on his face? Why can’t he feel his face? His mind is running a million miles and his face is probably redder than when Nanako confronted him.
“I didn’t mean it in a harsh way. It was just tiring. Two times in one day.” A nervous chuckle comes out of Langa. The reason for Langa's dream was thrown out. Why?
Because they both already know it wasn’t a dream, and they both know what Langa was referring to.
He’s too good looking to not like girls
Why is he still so close to Langa—why isn’t Langa moving away either?
He’s too good looking to not like girls
Reki tried to pull his hand away but Langa’s grip was stronger than ever at this moment for an unknown reason—one Reki for some reason doesn’t want to know. Reki was half–glad for this but—
He’s too good looking to not like girls
“Langa—”
“Reki, don’t try to act like something isn’t off.”
He looked down as Reki pulled his face away from Langa’s. “I’m okay. Really Langa, I am.” Reki abruptly stood up and pulled his hand away. He turned around to leave but Langa’s hand shot up and gripped Reki’s wrist.
Langa suddenly yelled, “Stop it!” Reki didn’t need to look back to tell Langa had tears in his eyes. “What’s your problem? Why do you keep doing that? Pretend like nothing's wrong, when in fact everything is! When the problem could be helped or even be solved if you just talked. Talked to me—to anyone!
Miya, Cherry, Joe, even Shadow! Why do you suffer alone when we’re right here?” His voice cracked on the last few words.
The room stayed an awful type of silence. The one where even the touch of Langa’s hand—sliding down his wrist into his hand—can’t comfort him.
Still not looking at Langa, he continued the conversation. “You wouldn’t know how it is—you’re always better. You’re always surrounded by people who like you. People who—”
He’s too good looking to not like girls
“—want to date you. People who admire you. People who would love to be your friend. Everyone would just love to bask in your presence, your highness." Reki said with sarcasm. “So my question for you is,” he turned around and looked Langa in the eye, “why do you push everyone away except me?”
“Answer me; I asked first.”
Looking at Langa now was much harder than just hearing his shaking voice—his own now matching Langa’s. He felt hot tears falling down his face. No one spoke because they didn’t need to. Their emotions were already synced, thoughts too.
Langa’s eyes said everything—filling with salty water, but also a tiring anger. It seemed like he was staring back into Reki’s soul, and reading him like he’s always had been. Reki knew what he was searching for: an answer he already knew. Because Reki was looking for it too.
But they both don’t want to admit it.
They didn’t want to admit the silly thing they have been tip-toeing around. Tip–toeing around each other.
Even when they both knew this, they were still stuck in an eternal dance, orbiting each other. No matter how much they want to at times, they never let the gravitational pull of one another.
Reki finally broke apart from Langa’s grasp and walked towards the door. He stopped again when Langa called to him.
Why can't he just leave? Why does he always wait when it comes to Langa? Why does he fold so easily no matter how mad he is? Reki knew the answers to these questions too.
“Reki,” in that unfortunate, smoothing voice, “if I don’t see you on Sunday—”
“Yeah, I know.” He cleared his throat to make it seem he wasn’t crying too. “You won’t show up.”
Langa didn’t wait for Reki to reach the door. “Why do you want me to go to the party so badly? What’s with it with you and me meeting other people—”
Reki was either everything, all of him, or just nothing, useless.
He fought the natural instinct to stay, hug Langa, and apologize. But right now, he felt like nothing, useless.
The door shut with a loud bang.
❆❆❆
Langa sat with the same silence again. Just with the absence of the person he wanted to make fill the silence with noise.
Langa laid down on his back. He turned to stuff his face in a pillow. Langa yelled, but not loud to alert his mother. Just for her to see his teary face, and for him to tell her it was Reki who made him cry.
Why do they always end up like this? If they knew each other so well, why do they manage to get into a fight, then not talk for a few days. This painstaking cycle could have ended if Langa wasn’t such a coward.
Reki’s had it harder than he has. He has all the reasons to keep it secret. Reki gets bullied by the people who praise Langa. They were going so well. Why did he agree to the party?
Why did he have to be greedy and try to confess to him at a place he knew Reki wouldn’t belong? A letter or a simple text to meet up and do it in person or during a hangout while cuddling. Those would be perfect.
Langa would get out of bed, chase him, and kiss him right on the lips. But he was still sick, and after screaming, his throat hurts even worse now. He has the feeling to throw up, but this time he knows it’s not from being sick.
4:49 pm
Sunday: two days after he and Reki fought, the day of the party, the day he confesses, even the longest day he will ever experience, but surely, the day he will not forget. Whether for a good or bad reason.
The entire two days, his mother was asking him about Reki and why he was stuck inside his room all day. He didn’t have the heart or strength to answer. Though he was feeling mainly better physically. He was partially ready to go to the party—which was in fourty–one minutes.
He’ll meet up with Reki in sixteen minutes, but he’ll leave in ten to leave six minutes to get to Reki. They will take five minutes to get ready and do other things. Then, twenty minutes to get there. Langa didn’t want to spend any minutes they didn’t need to while being there—it caused more than enough problems already.
He also is just really punctual. They were to arrive at 5:30, hopefully by then people will have already come. So the place isn’t bare and empty. Now was the question—the one he didn’t know the answer:
What to do for ten minutes?
Langa was just currently standing idly in the middle of his room, waiting for everything and nothing at the same time.
He could talk to his mom, and listen to her talk about Reki. Ask about how he was doing and if they were going to hang out today—if yes then what were they going to do. He can’t handle thinking about Reki right now.
He can scroll on his phone until the time is up. But he wasn’t in the mood to be on his phone. Langa would be waiting for a text message that would never come.
It would be like the anxious waiting for your name to be called for a job interview you never applied for—and you know you didn't—but you still want to be hired. You’re just too scared to really do anything about it.
Langa was guilty of feeling this way. But he just couldn’t help it. He also couldn’t figure out why he felt this way.
4:52 pm
Procrastination activation really is something. Three whole minutes passed, which leaves seven more. Langa could keep thinking to pass the time, but there’s really nothing else to think about except Reki.
Langa got tired of waiting. He’s going to Reki—now. He didn’t want to waste time wallowing about him. Langa will see Reki in less than ten minutes. Langa cleared his brain and decided to leave his room. He fetched his skateboard and phone. He stopped to wave his mother good–bye.
“Make sure to get home safe! Oh, and say hi to Reki for me, will you?”
Langa didn’t turn around when he responded, “I will.” He feared his face would spill it all out—if his voice didn’t already. She didn’t say anything about it if she had noticed anyway.
Langa skated his usual route to Reki’s house—it had basically become muscle memory at this point. The weather was its usual cloudy–self. It will probably rain later. He arrived at Reki’s front steps.
4:59 pm
A minute to spare. Would Reki call him fast for that? Would Reki say he beat a new record? Would he pat him on the back? Would they go back to watching movies? Would they cuddle and pretend that their skin isn’t heating up? Or hearts beating faster than they should be?
He stares at the door, listening to the strong wind to cool his mind down a bit. Langa waits a few seconds in total before knocking. Reki's mother opens the door.
“Well hello Langa, Reki’ll be out in a minute.” Mrs. Kyan greets with a warm smile, contrasting the cold outdoors.
“Hello, but could I come inside actually?” Langa shivers.
Mrs. Kyan looks confused before realizing and stepping aside to let him in. He toed off his shoes and made his way to Reki’s room. Langa lightly knocks on the door. A shuffle and a groan was heard from the inside before Reki yells out:
“What do you want Koyomi—!” Reki opened the door and Langa was met with a shocked, half–horrifed face. With a hint of something else that Langa couldn’t decipher.
“..Sorry for yelling in your face. Langa.” Reki said his name like he had forgotten to, rushed and awkward.
“It’s okay. Are you ready for the party? Reki.” Langa copied the tone.
Reki’s eyes narrowed. He sighed and mumbled out, “Uh yeah, let me grab my phone and we can go.”
Seems like Reki remembered they were supposed to be mad at each other—or sad about each other. About the broken trust that was never brokened in the first place.
5:01 pm
Langa was too impatient. Now they wait nine minutes instead of five. Nine whole awkward, silent minutes. Langa silently begs for Reki to take his time gathering his things, but it was just his phone.
“I’m ready. Let’s go.” Reki harshly brushes past Langa. Like he wasn’t standing there or he wishes he wasn’t there to begin with. Langa stands in the doorway for a few seconds before trailing behind Reki outside.
They throw their skateboards on the ground in sync. Neither comment on it. Langa tells Reki the directions and he silently follows them. They make it to Christine’s house by 5:24 pm.
Langa stares at Reki, not bothering to take in the sight of Christine’s—for some reason—huge house. He now begs for Reki to say something about how fast they were. Reki doesn’t and continues to look at the ground with his bangs covering the eyes Langa wants to gaze into so badly.
Six painful minutes pass and the only words that were exchanged was:
“What time do you want to leave?” Langa asked.
Reki mumbled out, “In one hour or something.”
Langa knocked on the double doors and was answered almost immediately. Somehow over the horrible loud music.
“Langa! Oh and Kyan. Welcome!” Christine greeted with the missing sunshine from the sky on her face—from Reki’s face too. Now taking in the building, it was insane. How did Langa never see this before?
It was two stories tall, and the second floor was equipped with a large balcony. There were short hedges covering the perimeter of the second half of the front yard. The other half had a glass roof and a gate leading to the street—the garage Langa assumed.
The house screamed rich, but behind her were actual screams and yells of excitement; the lively party. He could feel the bass of the music vibrate within his own chest. The reeking smell of alcohol, and the mix of perfume and cologne. Way more people than Langa expected for just thirty minutes into the event. Was Christine popular?
From what tiny bits Langa noticed—the walls were blocking it, everyone was drinking out of a red solo cup, playing games, or swapping spit. He’d seen cliche American movies where everyone is wild with no parent super vision, but he hadn’t thought they were real. Just exaggerated stories to tell parents Don’t leave your kids alone in the house for more than an hour!
Ahead of the entrance is a set of stairs with three-four rooms behind it. Langa forced Reki to go in first. He stopped Reki a few steps in the house, cramped in the doorway.
People were still coming into the house which had unfortunately pushed them closer together against a wooden box. Langa guessed it was a closet for coats. Langa was so close to him he could count his freckles—not that he already hasn’t done it before—but he wished it was under different circumstances.
“Reki, give me your skate board.”
Reki was genuinely shocked. “What why?”
“So you don’t skate away before an hour.”
He saw Reki narrow his eyes for the second time today. “What? So I can’t just walk back home?”
“No, it’s just that,” a pause to emphasize his statement, ”are you really going to walk what took around twenty–three minutes skateboarding at almost full speed? Also, we're in a neighborhood we’ve never been in—I don’t think you’ve been here either.”
Reki sighed and gave him the skateboard. When Reki spoke again, Langa had to lean—closing the already tight space between them—in to hear it. “Fine, I’ll hold up my end of the ‘deal’. I promise. But don’t leave before one hour either.” Reki looked up at him and into his eyes for the first time today.
Langa nodded once, “I promise too.”
Chirstine spoke up, “Uh you guys done? Yeah, you are? Great! Let’s go, Langa.” Not given the chance to reply, Langa was dragged away from Reki, who was now lost in the sea of people and cut off in a corner from his perspective.
He was then forcefully sat on the couch and squished between people he didn’t know. He didn’t get time to process their faces before they were dragged off the couch and replaced with Christine on his left and two wildly skin exposed girls trying to fit on one cushion on his right. Weren’t they cold?
Langa took in his surroundings. The chandelier above him was in a beautiful spiral with flower–looking bulbs. Left of the room was where the L shaped kitchen with black countertops ,decorated with different food items, opened up to. In front of that was a now trashed yet well designed round dinner table with four chairs.
It was hard to tell what else was going on because of the crowd, but he could tell there were three doors next to the kitchen. The door at the short end of the L led to the outside.
To the right of the room was another matching chandelier. There was a big window that also acted as a door to the half of the front yard that was surrounded by hedges. In the wall was a tiny shelf where trinkets were kept.
In front of him was a TV on a TV stand. Behind it was a large window. There was a coffee table close enough he could lift his feet and rest them there. His observing time was over to his sadness, as he had to socialize with people he didn’t want to know.
The girl with black was first—who was half sitting on the blond girl's lap. “So Langa—oh I’m Sayaka by the way,” her sassy voice was natural, “how do you like, the, uh..” She was looking around the room , searching for a topic. Sayaka gazed back at herself and continued to talk. She excitedly asked, “How do you like my clothes?”
Langa looked at her confused before looking down. He saw she was lifting her skirt a little. He didn’t remember her having one, but he doesn’t remember seeing her in the first place.
He looked back up at her face and responded with a tone equal to his expression, “Why are you wearing a skirt? It’s cold out. Don’t you check the weather—”
Sayaka gives a fake cough and clears her throat. Langa saw the blond snicker. That’s rude, her friend was laughing at her. It was hard to hear over the noise but the actions were awkward enough you didn’t have to hear it. A little strained, “No, I mean are they cute—the clothes?”
What? Why was she asking that? He spoke his thoughts outloud, “Why are you asking me? If they weren’t cute then why’d you buy them?” Christine let out a quick giggle and Langa would have been worried about Mahiro if he had not seen her face—she wasn’t choking.
Sayaka stood up and walked towards the kitchen while saying, “You need a drink.”
With that, the blonde leaned her hands on Langa’s shoulder’s, then her entire body weight. “Hi, I’m Mahiro.” Langa leaned away from her until he bumped into Christine’s shoulder. She groaned and pulled away. Langa reset his position too.
“Why are you no fun?”
Langa looked at her confused, “What—?”
“Shut up.”
He was even more confused and just decided to lean back on the couch and tilt his head back.
What was Reki doing right now..?
“How are you enjoying the party so far?” Christine spoke up. Langa was glad. She broke the weird attempts of the other girls trying to talk to him. They were worse at conversation skills than he was. He sat normally again.
Back to the question, he didn't know. He asked Reki to go to the party with him for a purpose, to confess. And here he was, not confessing to Reki. So, how was the party so far? He’s been here for less than five minutes. He’ll answer honestly.
Langa lightly shrugged. “I haven’t been here long enough to be able to give my opinion on it.”
Chirstine laughed at this, hardly audible. “Why so formal? Relax. Enjoy everything and anything. Oh here comes—”
Sayaka comes back while managing to hold four red solo cups filled with liquid—juice or alcohol. She stood in front of Langa and held out two cups. He took one and stared at the contents while she passed out two others.
The liquid was clear and smelled like a mix of fruity and floral to earthy and savory. He still can’t tell what this was. He took a sip and the smooth yet complex flavor—yogurt–like and nutty—filled his mouth.
Sake, he deduced. It was surprisingly good, it must have shown on his face. The girls were staring at him down the whole cup.
Sayaka let out an amused string of giggles. “Wow Langa, I didn’t take you for a drinker. You want another?”
Langa doesn’t know why, but he found himself nodding for more.
❂❂❂
Reki was just exploring the house—more like wandering around looking for the least used bathroom—when he saw Langa. He was sitting on the couch with three girls by his side. He could tell it was Crit–rate, Kayak, and Mesh–armor just by looking at their hair. Reki was standing behind so Langa couldn’t see him.
On the table ahead of Langa, there was a stack of two cups. The girls were almost fully leaning on him. But, he was just staring at the blank TV. What’s he looking at?
Just then, Reki heard the door open and a few new loud voices came in, familiar voices. He moved past Langa and into the kitchen. He hoped the sea of people hid him from both Langa and the people who just walked in—it did.
Well, it did for Langa. Just not the people who looked dead set on killing Reki. The group of three guys and two girls made their way to him. They all had dark clothing—like alternative styles. They looked like and reminded Reki of his old skating buddies. The ones who had jumped him in that alley way. Reki quickly pushed the thought away and turned to face the well known group.
The group were kids from his middle school who were in his class. What grudge did they hold against him?
“Kyan,” the guy with broader shoulders and deeper voice started, “you remember us?” His name was Maximilian, no Maxwell, or Maxim?
Lie
“No.”
He scoffs. “Fine if you wanna be like that.”
Reki sighed deeply. “I’m sorry dude but can we reschedule this for tomorrow or something? I don’t have time right—!” He was grabbed by the collar.
“I don’t have time right now to deal with your ‘clueless’ bullshit. You remember us.”
Reki nodded cautiously. His eyes opened slightly in alarm and remembrance. He vaguely remembered their names to be Jeans, Frying, Maximus Prime, Smart–girl–from–movie–I–don't–care–about, and Emo–edge–lord. Or something like that. What did these guys want.. Don’t tell it’s that—!
“So, Kyan,” a scrawny behind the bull guy—he was the Frying guy—said his name like it was a slur. “Have you met any other fags to fuck with yet? Or are you still a lonely loser?” They collectively all laughed.
A girl with a heavy British accent—Reki guessed it was the girl who shared the name of the smart girl from that one old movie—and a choppy bob spoke up this time. He also had guessed it was a British accent, he could hardly tell accents apart.
“You think his Mum kicked him out the house yet? Or is his poor mummy too sad with the fact that her husband is always away and a rubbish son?” She made crying puppy noises to mock him.
“Hey! Don’t—agh!” A fist came to his stomach. Reki swallowed back his saliva and his eyes popped slightly. He took another hit to the same spot.
I wanna fight back but, I deserve this, right? All words and slurs they say to me, they’re all true, aren’t they? I’m wrong. I’m gross, so disgusting.
Even though the pop in his ears was small, he was suddenly aware that most people—if not all—in the main room were staring at him. Langa was standing and making his way over, but everything looked like it was in slow motion.
But loving Langa? Being gross? No, no.. It’s.. good. It feels so.. good.
I know jumping into the ocean’s waves might drown me, but I still want to run in. I want to indulge in the rush, the weightless feeling, and the vulnerable surrender of unraveling in the soft lapping of the waves.
They’re—
—Wrong
—Right
Langa pushed his way past the group, kneeling at Reki’s side. “Reki,”
My name isn’t like a slur, I know it isn’t. Because Langa says it like his last prayer. But others received it like a sin.
The other girl who was Emo–edge–lord—she has pink hair that looks like it’s one hair straightener away from falling off—speaks up, “Ohh, so this is your new faggot buddy. Is he your boyfriend? Or do you still suck at everything and not even your own kind likes you back? I know for sure he sucks something else. Fagottini!"
“Langa, stop—”
Langa helped Reki lean heavily against the counter top, hands on both his shoulders. “Don’t call Reki that!”
The final guy—Jeans—had a frizzy blow out, like a stereotypical mad man scientist. The frizzy guy said, “Or what? What are you gonna do?”
“Shut up, you look like a literal queef.” Langa snapped back.
A few laughs from the crowd—even from Reki; it made his ribs hurt though—as he stammers, “Wait, w—what’s a queef?”
The edge lord girl replied calmly, "Basically a fart out of the vargina.”
More people laughed, until Meaty Max over here brought everyone unfortunately back to the topic. “ Kyan, Kyan, Kyan, you nasty piece of—” he got ready to wind another hit up and Reki stiffened his body for the impact. Reki opened his eyes to search for the missing fist but was met with the back of Langa. Langa was in front of him!
And the screams from the crowd. Apparently Langa had the pretty face card—which Reki has to agree to—and if he were to get hit, everyone would only come in unison to hate whoever did it. It’s quite comical to be honest, but it saved his ass so he’s not complaining.
“Get out the way, Hasegawa.”
Langa then sassily said, “No?” Reki was shocked to say the least. Who knew party Langa had such funny emotions. A different personality!
“Hasegawa—”
Reki put his hand on Langa’s shoulder to push him backwards. “I’ve got this now. You can leave or whatever.”
“...Fine.”
HUH?
Reki wasn’t expecting him to actually leave—
Langa grabbed Reki’s hand and dashed past the group. They were now going through the powder room. There was a door that went back to the staircase at the front of the house.
Instead of going around it like a normal person and leaving the building, Langa led Reki up the stairs. Langa opened a door to gasps and panting breaths. Langa closed it and opened a second one to a tiny—but empty—teen’s room. Langa locks the door and sits down on the bed. Reki lays on it, positioned behind Langa.
Reki takes the room in. The theme seemed to be guitars and skateboards—cool. Still, what a static kid. The headboard is backed up against the window; plenty of light would empty into the room.
The both of them take a minute—or ten—to catch their breath, until the room silences with nothing but their soft breaths. Langa leans backwards until he lays a top and across Reki’s chest. It did nothing to comfort him—it made him sadder.
“What’s wrong Reki?”
It startled him. He knew something was wrong?
“It’s nothing.”
Langa flipped over onto his stomach. He looked at Reki with narrowed eyes, slightly mad. “Tell me, Reki.” He gritted through his teeth. Reki stayed silent and avoided eye contact.
Langa got up and copied the position Reki did when Langa was sick; head on stomach and squeezing his hand. “Tell me how you feel in this moment. What’s on your mind?”
“I'm tired and nothing because I’m tired.” Of avoiding each other, why can’t we just talk? You are the only thing on my mind right now, nothing else.
Langa hummed, rubbing small circles on Reki’s hand. Reki was supposed to be mad at Langa, or sad, or smitten in love. He doesn’t know anymore. “Tired like a kid coming home from a birthday party? Or an adult coming home from a kid’s birthday party?”
Reki thought for a few moments. He felt like neither. “A teen—who doesn’t get treated like a kid nor an adult, one who doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't eat anything, doesn't play with the family pets. Just sat and went on their phone and remembered nothing after. I guess that’s how to describe it.”
Reki felt Langa squeeze his hand harder, he squeezed back. That somehow said everything yet nothing at the same time. They had a lot more talking to do. They also had time.
“I’m still confused.” Reki mumbled, like he didn’t mean to say it—he didn’t.
“About what?”
Reki uses his free hand to drag across his face. It plopped back down onto the mattress. He takes a deep breath and feels Langa move with his chest.
“About everything, I mean,” a small chuckle, “I’m so confused. Who likes me, who hates me, who just doesn’t care, who cares too much? Who I like, who I hate? Am I a good person in general? I don’t know who I am at this point..” Reki’s voice got quieter towards the end.
Langa paused for two seconds before saying, “Sometimes it’s okay to not know, just to be is enough.”
Reki smiled softly while staring at the ceiling—which had stick–on stars that were glow–in–the–dark. Some were threatening to fall off. He lifted his free hand the rake through Langa’s light hair
He felt complete, but he knew he wasn’t. There were still two elephants in the room to address. He wishes he could forget it and continue to live in this moment.
“Hey, Langa?”
“Hmm?”
Reki took another deep breath. He paused his hand in Langa’s hair, which made him look up. Reki sat up and patted the side next to him. Langa crawled up and took a seat extremely close to Reki, legs and thighs pressed together. It made it hard for Reki to think straight—which is ironic because what he wanted to do was not straight—and remember what he was gonna do. But it was hard to ignore.
The weight of the letter was like an elephant in his pocket.
He pulled it out and handed it to Langa with his head turned away. “Uh, here..”
Reki hoped his face wasn’t too red.
❆❆❆
Number one:
The alcohol wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.
According to OIST.jp the BAC, or blood alcohol concentration, to have a D.U.I. is 0.03. Which is 0.3 pure alcohol.
A standard drink of sake contains approximately: 0.54 standard drinks per 2 oz glass.
If 1 glass = 0.54 standard drinks: Number of glasses needed=1.50/0.54≈2.78 glasses.
Langa drank 2. 2<2.78. So, Langa is not technically drunk, by the laws of Japan.
It didn’t taste bad either. Which is why he got a second one. The reason he didn’t get a third is because some huge guy punched Reki. Langa didn’t feel any effects except that his stomach hurt a little and felt like being much ruder to everyone he saw. With the sole exception of Reki Kyan, of course. Which brought him to his second point.
Number two:
What the hell is this letter going to be about?
Reki just gave him a letter that says ‘To Langa’. Is Reki going to break up with him as a friend? Is it something life threatening that Reki couldn’t bring himself to tell in person so he made a letter?
It probably wasn’t because Reki was looking away embarrassed. A face full of red. It concerned Langa. Was he about to pass out? Who would be embarrassed if they are going to die?
Langa slowly opens it and sees Reki cringe out of the corner of his eye. Langa’s hand grabs Reki’s sweaty and clammy and rubs circles of reassurance. He does that quite a lot. It works for Reki so it doesn’t matter.
“S—Sorry, uh, it might not make a whole lotta sense.”
Langa smiled at him, “It’s okay. I always understand what you say, no matter how weird.” Reki nudged his shoulder with his own, then turned to face away again.
As Langa reads through it at a steady pace, Langa gets more confused.
Is this.. a love letter? From Reki?
"I’ve felt this way since your beef with Shadow. When you jumped over the crowd and across the finish line, it felt like it was only you in the world. Just you and the fireworks/bombs’ ashes falling like snow.”
Holy it is.
Langa squeezed Reki’s hand harder. But when Langa read the part where the ‘crush’ would last a little longer and that’s it. He felt like crying. He didn’t just feel like crying, he was crying.
“Oh shit, Langa I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Reki grabbed both of Langa’s shoulders, giving an up and down rubbing motion. Langa kept his arms limp. He kept the letter away from the tears, not wanting to ruin the beautiful words.
“Reki,” Langa looked up at Reki, he felt his eyes tear up again. His shaky voice speaks again, “you won’t love me any more?”
Langa could see the dots connecting and gears turning in Reki’s head. When they all lined up, Reki basically jumped out of his skin.
“No! Langa, you're my best friend, I’ll love you until the very end. But what I meant was..um. Romantically… I think I’m in love with you.” They both went silent.
Then, Langa started to laugh, hysterically. The people downstairs probably heard him—and the people in other rooms using the beds passionately. He didn’t care. Langa just found out the love of his life loves him back. He was crying a few seconds ago too. What a ride. But Langa likes all parts of it.
Reki got the wrong idea though. Langa saw his face turn sad and take his hands away. With a smile still on his face, Langa puts his hands on Reki’s face. He looks up from his small despair. Even like this, he’s still so beautiful.
If Langa knew how, he would write poems about Reki. Day and night, he would write and write in his horrible handwriting and even worse understanding of Japanese. He would write so much he would need new words to describe Reki. He could get past number two, farther than fifty. Maybe in another life or universe he’ll be able to..?
“Reki, Reki, Reki, Reki, Reki. I can’t imagine a life without you in it. I can’t see myself doing laundry or washing dishes without you. Even though under National Law we can’t get married, I can’t imagine myself seeing someone walk down that aisle and it not being you. Reki, my goals end and start with you.”
Langa held Reki’s forehead against his, staring with teary eyes from laughing and crying at the same time. “I love you Reki Kyan. I love you so much.”
Langa wanted to erase the doubts Reki had about himself, but he knew that wasn’t possible. He knew that personally. It was something that never went away, no matter how much light he shoved himself in. That’s what he wanted to show Reki this time around.
That even in light, there will be darkness. That he doesn’t need brightness to drive away shadows. He just needed to talk to it and balance it in a way, neither will seep through to their average life. A perfect equilibrium.
Reki was frozen for a few seconds until he softly chuckled, “I lied,” Langa almost died until Reki continued his sentence, “this isn’t a crush and it isn’t going away anytime soon. I love you too. I have loved you ever since we made our handshake longer—with the infinity. Though I liked you when you caught my skateboard.”
Langa laughed and closed his eyes. “You’ve had my heart since the first time I saw you." Reki jumped on Langa as he did after the race at full force.
Langa was pushed on top of the pillows—which felt like heaven—with heaven on top of him. Langa let out a series of laughs that were just as loud as the last, because he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted, and because Reki is tickling him.
“R—Reki—stop!” His words lacked both anger or air in his lungs to get the command done faster.
Reki stopped after a while and hid in Langa’s neck. They were both laid flat on the twin size bed in a comfortable position for their tall bodies. Langa was still catching his breath when Reki spoke up again.
“The last thing I wanted to talk to you about is Adam. I don’t think I was really clear about—”
Langa sat up and moved away from Reki. He went onto his knees quickly and bowed his head down, “I’m sorry again for breaking my promise.”
Reki went to chase him. He cupped his cheek with one hand and Langa melted into it. “I meant I wasn’t clear about my dislike for him, not ‘breaking the promise’ thing. I already forgave you for that.”
“But—”
Reki went down and caged Langa with his limbs—Langa wasn’t complaining. They were flat on the bed again. Langa’s legs hanging over the bed, Reki’s knees cradled his hip. “Shush. I’m not done.” Langa had, obviously, shut up immediately. Why am I so weak? He sighed in his mind.
“You said you wanted to go against Adam because of his skill and you wanted a challenge. He was an incredible skater. It gave you a difficult obstacle to get over and strive to be even better. I understand that, but what if something had happened to you?
“The thought of you getting hurt because of skateboarding, something I taught you, hurts. When you told me you were going to race against him anyway, I just felt you didn’t care what had happened or it wasn’t important.”
Reki must’ve read Langa’s face saying, ‘I have something to defend my honor with!’ But Reki didn’t let him get to opening his mouth
“I was just worried that if you didn’t care that that’s what happened, you wouldn't care for your own safety. I thought you were insane. That’s why I said I didn’t understand you, because I didn’t.”
There was a pause to make sure Reki was done talking so Langa wouldn’t interrupt. “I’m sorry—”
Reki shakes his head. “Stop it. Whatever you were about to say, reword it so it’s not an apology.” He lifts one of his hands and puts it on Langa’s cheek.
Langa half–groans into Reki’s hand. Yearning for the comfort of Reki. He schools his expression either way. “For future decisions, I will take greater consideration of your opinion on the matter,” Langa replied formally.
Reki laughed. Langa couldn’t get enough of the sound. It was addicting to hear the whistleful melody of his voice.
“Why did you sound like you were signing a contract or like a response in a job interview?” He chuckled again.
What Reki said just now reminded him of what it felt to wait for the message that would never arrive. Langa finally stopped being scared and applied for the job. They called his name, the anxious wait was over. He finally managed to do it, and he was proud of it this time around.
I’ll love you until the very end.
Langa joined him in giggling. Reki’s shoulders shook so much from laughing that he now rested on his elbows. This made him close to Langa, so close they traded chuckles and noses almost collided.
When they winded down, they stared at each other. Maybe hoping to see into each other’s minds. Langa responded to Reki, “Everything should be serious when it comes to you.” Langa grabbed Reki’s hand and kissed his palm.
Reki smiled so delicately, Langa had to gravitate toward and stare at it like it was the best treasure in the world. Reki’s eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips. Langa took his hand from Reki’s and put it in his bright red hair, just beside where the headband lies.
They met each other in the middle with a gentle kiss. Feather–light touch but still all the same. Langa pulled away first, wanting to go back more desperately, but he didn’t know if Reki wanted that yet. He’ll wait.
Reki looked like he was peering into Langa’s soul. He probably was, they do it all the time. It’s second nature at this point.
With no words exchanged, Reki closes the gap this time. They tilted their heads gingerly to deepen the kiss. The ‘kiss’ was more like ‘kisses’ though. They would lightly press into each other, then tilt their heads into a new position.
At first, kisses would increase intensity just slightly. But now it is escalating quickly. With longer kisses and slotting their open mouths together. It grew with the thoughts they’ve been having since the beginning.
The thoughts that kept them up at night, refusing to let them sleep peacefully. The ones they couldn’t tune out, no matter how hard they tried. But they were also the thoughts they didn’t want to tune out, the ones they wanted to let stay to get comfort from them. They were the thoughts that had things they yearned for desperately, but didn’t have.
Langa felt a hand fall gently onto his hip, hesitant. Like testing it out to see if it was okay. And of course it was, it was Reki after all. Langa didn’t know what to do with his extra hand so he slipped it under Reki’s, intertwined.
In all of these amazing things, Langa heard Reki cry a little. And maybe a sob. And maybe full on crying. The tears fell on Langa’s face.
Langa back up started kissing his tears away from his cheeks, just how he did before. Reki fell onto Langa completely. Langa started to hug and comfort him, just how he did before.
Now that Langa thinks about it, he’s been comforting Reki for a long time and on more than a few occasions. He lightly chuckles to himself.
“Reki, my love, why are you crying?”
Reki waits a bit before talking. Why doesn’t he want Langa to hear his voice, even though he’s heard it many times before? “It’s just so amazing that this is real. And also my stomach still hurts after getting hit by that bull guy. That was real too” Reki snickered, then winced.
Langa fills up with horror. He pushes Reki slightly so he’s not crushing Reki’s stomach and ribs. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I just kept you here while you were dying.” Reki kept faintly laughing and recoiling after. But Langa’s concern stayed. “Reki, seriously.” Langa held Reki’s face like it might break in both his palms if he’s not careful.
“I’m okay,” Reki looked like he suddenly got an idea. “Langa, what time is it?”
Langa pulled his phone out his pocket and checked the time:
5:55
“Wow, that’s cool, 555.” He still sounded a bit disappointed.
Langa gently pushed Reki out of the way. He got up from the bed and started walking towards the door.
“Where’re you going?” He sat up.
“Home? Come on, let's go.” Langa walked over to the bed and started to pull Reki up by the arm. He sat still on the bed, refusing to move. “What is it?”
“I’m not breaking my promise. We still got a thirty–five—”
“It’s not about the promise, is it?” Reki looked up at Langa with an unreadable expression.
Langa continued, “Why do you want me to stay so badly!? Why did you want me to get a girlfriend so quickly? That was your whole deal, wasn’t it? So why—”
❂❂❂
Reki blurted out, “Because the more time you stay around me, the more people will look at you like you don’t belong there! Like you don’t belong anywhere.”
Langa’s hand on his forearm suddenly felt like it was a hot iron when just before that it felt like a dream. Reki kept his arm there, not wanting to set him and Langa three steps back again.
“The stares, they glare at you when they know you’re looking. Or when they think you aren’t—it’s all the same. Kicks out dirt, the whispers behind not fully shut doors, the slurs, the pushes into metal gates! I didn’t want you to go through that.”
Langa didn’t say anything, he just stared at him with that stupid blank face. Reki turned away when he felt tears well up in his eyes again.
A small whisper escaped Langa’s lips, “So that’s what those guys were there for.”
Reki squeezed his eyes closed, as if that were to make Langa go away. Even though Reki desperately didn’t want him to.
“Let’s go home, Reki.”
Reki turned back to face Langa, he hoped his face didn’t look as distraught as it felt. “Did you not—!”
“I did, It doesn’t matter. I’ve been knowing I was gay. And I’m okay with that. You had to go through that alone. But I have you now, Reki. We have each other.” He felt the grip on his arm tighten.
It burns,
“And I don’t feel like letting go any time soon.”
but I don’t think I mind.
Finally, Reki let himself get dragged up from his bed. Langa gave him a crushing hug. Reki felt a small part of his doubt get crushed along with it.
They made their way down the stairs. Reki trailing behind Langa, hand in hand once again. They were about to leave when Reki realized they didn’t have their boards.
“Langa, where the fuck did our skateboards go?”
Langa basically froze. Reki felt his palm grow sweaty. Langa turned around to face him. Langa shyly began, “When Christine pulled me away, she sat me on the couch. Then two other girls—Sayaka and Mahiro—squished me in. I think I dropped them underneath the couch.”
Langa must’ve seen the calm anger on Reki’s face because he hurriedly added, “I was about to get them but then that huge guy punched you. I wasn’t about to just sit there and watch!”
Reki took a deep breath. “I didn’t notice, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad, Reki,” Langa pleaded. Langa had taken both of Reki’s hands in his and brought them to his lips.
How can Reki be mad when Langa pulls things like this? Oh no, Langa will use that trick for the rest of the time they’re together—Reki hopes it’s forever though.
Reki avoids glancing at Langa—he was looking at him through his bangs with huge, apologetic eyes.
“If I go out there, those guys will get me. So please—”
“Yes. I’ll get the skateboards.” Langa gave Reki two quick pecks on both cheeks. And with that, Langa left Reki in the entrance, awestruck.
Reki leaned on the wall where the stairs were and lost himself in deep thought. He was thinking about how everything that happened in the last thirty minutes was real. Langa liked him back—loved him back. He smiled warmly just at the thought of it.
Langa came back shortly with both boards in hand. “Christine had the boards.” Reki also realized that he no longer had a petty resentment towards her. Langa was his. Not hers.
He handed Reki his worn—yet still in good shape—board back. “She also told me about those guys. Their names were Eugene, Ryan, ‘Meaty’ Max, Matilda, and Raven. They all became friends because they were the most transfer students from America—except Matilda—in their class. She was from England.”
I knew it was a British accent! But I didn’t remember their names to be like that.
“Wow, how do you remember their names so easily?”
I just do.”
Reki snickered, “You wanna know what I thought their names were?”
Langa side eyed Reki playfully. “What?”
They made it back home—Reki’s house—laughing and leaning heavily on each other for support. They were sopping wet from the expected rain. Langa was still laughing from 'Maximus Prime’ and ‘Smart–girl–from–movie–I–don't–care–about.’
“Langa come on, it's not that funny.” Reki said this although he was laughing along with him. They were still in the doorway, not advancing into the house. If they were to, Reki’s mom would get so furious about the floor being wet and blah, blah, blah. Reki rather not.
“Yes it is! Why would someone name their kid after a robot?!” Langa was still laughing loudly. Reki smiled sweetly at how loud Langa was being. He was so quiet before, he’s glad to see the flashy side of Langa.
“You should see the USA dude, it’s probably even worse than that!”
“No way, it can’t be. I don’t and won’t believe it.” Langa put his hands over his ears and closed his eyes.
Reki grinned, “Oh yeah? Well I saw there’s this kid named ‘Dryman.’ And another that looked like the doctor fell asleep on the keyboard while typing the birth certificate or the mom was slurring her words!”
Langa was gradually yelling a chant of, “La La La La, I can’t hear you!”
“Banjo Henry! Heyleeigh, Payleah, Kaeyleey, and Taileghy!” Reki grabbed Langa’s wrists and pulled them away from his ears. Langa held and fidgeted with both of Reki’s hands, giving a gentle kiss to his fingers.
“How do you even remember those but not people in your own classes?” He murmured, keeping his lips touching Reki’s fingers. Langa slanted his head, making sure to keep his hand on his mouth.
Reki tilted his head opposite of Langa’s. He didn’t remember when Langa got so quiet. Their faces were ten centimeters apart—a position Reki gladly relished in. A peaceful one. “I don’t know. But you know what name I won’t forget, forever?”
Langa tilted his head down, focusing on Reki’s hands with half–lidded eyelids instead. “What name?”
Reki laughed softly, “Your name, of course. Langa.”
Reki pulled him in for a tender kiss. He felt Langa—and himself—smiling into it. Langa angled himself so he was peppering kisses on the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, his jaw, and finally, his throat.
Reki let himself release a light, silly laugh. Langa kept sprinkling the pecks across his neck, until they heard Reki’s mom’s car pull into the drive way. Suddenly, they both had lightning fast reaction times and were standing straight with arms pencil stiff at their sides.
“I’m home—! Oh Reki, Langa! You guys are soaking wet!” She walked in with immediate concern. “Let me grab you two some towels.” They stayed there, unmoving, until she returned with warm bath towels.
“Sorry Mrs. Kyan for the inconvenience..” Langa patted his hair and dried his clothes off the best he could. Why did they skate through the rain knowing damn well this fate awaited them. Maybe he should follow his own advice for Sayaka and listen to the weather.
“Hurry up and go into the bathroom. You can change into the clothes I put for you there. Please be quick about it, I don’t want the floor to grow mold.”
They follow instructions and take turns showering. Reki went first—they fought over it, Reki wanting Langa to go first, vise versa—and Langa sat on a towel outside the bathroom. When the other went to shower and finished, Reki was waiting for him with a loving kiss.
Reki flopped down onto his bed, relieved of the uncomfortable clothing. Langa collapsed on Reki’s chest—knocking the rest of his air in his lungs out—and fell asleep almost immediately.
Langa’s cheek was squished on his collarbone and arms loosely wrapped around him. Reki still looked at the ceiling, feeling the calm waves of their breathing syncing up.
If his mom walked in on them, he wouldn’t mind. He’ll have to tell her sooner or later. Same with Langa’s mom—he’ll tell her she had the right idea about them, just the wrong time to fully say something. And he would guess Miya, Cherry, Joe,—those two are definitely married, Reki just can’t prove it—and Shadow would be told of him and Langa being together.
Wait.. was he and Langa even dating? Is there a thing they have to say or do before it’s official? Did Langa want to keep them a secret from his mom? A secret from everyone?
Reki’s mind was in a half and half state. He wanted to figure this out. But his other side begged him to sleep. The warmth on top of him made it hard to ignore those calls to dreams.
Reki eventually gave in. He gave in to the sweet nothingness of slumber, with the boy he loves most in the entire world with him.Reki prays that when he wakes up, none of it will have been a dream.
Reki is leaning against a metal railing in an open park. There was an open field with dogs and their owners playing. A playground filled with kids playing different games with each other. There were lovers on benches enjoying the warm bask of sunshine in the summertime. There were a lot of things in this park, except the thing Reki wanted there most.
Langa Hasegawa. Where the fuck was he? No clue. A little concerning to be honest.
Reki said for them to meet up at the park for their date. And Langa was late. They were dating for roughly around eight months. Damn. Time really flew didn’t it?
Reki felt like it was just yesterday when Maximization had punched him, then Langa stepped in. Reki felt a ghost of a fist in his stomach.
From then to now, lots of things have happened.
When Reki and Langa told Reki’s mom and Nanako that they were dating—at the same time, same room—they had both beamed with delight. Nanako was a little less shocked but just excited that Langa had told her upfront and Reki ‘accepted’ they were dating.
Langa was confused by that and that’s when Nanako said that Reki had just asked if it was okay for them to date. Under the context, she just continued to assume they were together.
Cherry and Joe finally announced their engagement—as if they all hadn’t already known. This fortunately means instead of saying, ‘Just kiss already.’ he can say, ‘When’s the wedding guys?’ and then get punched in the face by Joe. That has happened before too.
Miya had finally come out and said that he enjoys hanging out with them and it wasn’t just for the bet to be a lap dog or something. The celebration for that was most definitely bigger than their reaction to the engagement for a not so subtle ten year rivalry that was actually a lover’s quarrel.
Shadow had finally asked out the manager at his flower shop. And she said yes. Shadow said he was nonchalant about it but everyone knows that he was probably melting on the spot.
Reki leaned back even further on the railing. He looked around and saw no Langa, still. Which was still really weird since Langa is really punctual. He would check his phone every five seconds when there was a timed event, or they had to be somewhere in x amount of minutes.
He checked his phone for any new messages, none. Reki was about to leave when suddenly an arm snaked around his waist and a colourful flower bouquet came out of the other side of him. His favorite person came to rest his head on Reki’s shoulder. Burying his nose in the crook of his neck..
“I’m sorry Reki. Shadow’s flower shop didn’t open until after we were supposed to meet up here. I didn’t want to show up here empty handed though.” His voice sounded so apologetic he couldn’t stay mad for long.
Reki sighed, then laughed. He pulled Langa from behind him so that they were both leaning against the rail. He took the flowers—which had the colours yellow, red, and blue—and leaned in closer to Langa. “It’s okay. The flowers pay the price of being late, but not fully.”
Langa took one of Reki’s hands and kissed it. “And what do I need to do? I’ll do it.”
Reki hummed in fake thought for a moment and said, “You like kissing my hands a lot. Why don’t you try to kiss something else for a change?”
Langa blushed before smiling gently and kissing Reki on the lips this time.
It either felt just like heaven or something bigger and better. An indescribable and undesirable feeling that out matches maybe even skating boarding. Maybe though, just maybe. You can never really tell though. That's because it's his one and only Langa Hasegawa.