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Lloyd’s happy.
Every minute he spends with his friends is time spent feeling sorry for himself.
Kai usually tells him to ‘live in the moment’ and Lloyd pushes those thoughts back.
He doesn’t wanna bum them out.
Those thoughts never stay pushed back.
Maybe he's happy.
At least for an hour or two.
Then Lloyd's back to sitting in his bed alone, listening to music.
He tells himself, ‘you’re feeding the wrong wolf. You’re making yourself miserable.’
But he never seems to have any food for the other side.
He’s sometimes happy.
But he’d rather be sad than be blinded by his own happiness.
When Lloyd’s happy, he tends to do or say things that are impulsive.
He’d much rather be sad than impulsive.
He’s not really happy.
This feeling has been growing bigger and bigger the more Lloyd’s ignored it.
He’d rather push people away than actually talk about it.
But then he would be upset that no one cared enough to check.
He’s not happy.
It usually takes someone a while to actually realize how miserable they are.
The more you start to realize it, the more you fill your life up with little things to hide yourself from reality.
By now Lloyd should know that reality’s too fast to fall behind.
The little things will never make it worth it. You’ll never actually be happy in the long run.
He’ll never actually be happy.