Chapter Text
Small hands threaded through growing strands of grey hair, clumsy and careful all at once trying to mimic the soft movements of the distant memory of his mother’s hands.
Every time they drifted close to the bandages covering Stormz’s eye, his hands trembled with both fear and guilt. No matter how many muttered apologies slipped from his lips, he was soothed with words of gentle reassurances from Stormz. If only Dumb stayed behind with him, instead of running off with Deathly acting like a child. This all could’ve been avoided and Stormz wouldn’t have to suffer because he wanted to have some fun.
Sir Clown’s exact words echoed at the back of his head; about how disappointed he was, how he’d acted irresponsible by putting their life at risk. Good soldiers wouldn’t have done what they’ve done and mess around like strays.
Screw him and the authority. This was all their fault! Not his. Not-
Anger burned brighter, stronger inside Dumb, like venom coursing through his veins. Dumb’s hands gripping tighter at the strands of hair between his fingers without realizing as his body went rigid.
He couldn’t get the thought out of his head- He should’ve been more responsible, he was a grown up now, meant to help Coin and look after Deathly and Stormz. Especially Stormz. He lost his eye, how was he supposed to fight now?
“Does it hurt?”
“Feels numb. Kinda stings, doesn’t hurt as much as it did before.”
That night Deathly stopped by their room, his eyes were red and puffy from crying, his expression crumbled the second he saw Stormz. Dumb almost didn’t want to let him in, Deathly was the one who had acted reckless, insistent on training unauthorized. However Dumb felt just as guilty.
Following weeks felt like torture. Watching Stormz struggle with everything stirred him with a feeling his mind couldn’t entirely comprehend. The way his fingers twitched with the urge to reach out and do something, anything to make the feeling that made his chest tighten vanish.
Coin told him off when he tried to intervene to help Stormz during their training. Why? Stormz needed help, didn’t he? He was getting stronger. Coin said it himself. He can protect them too, he knows he can! Being assigned as Coin’s personal student, one of the best fighters of Infuse gave him an upper hand among everyone.
Every single new skill and strategy he wrote it down, memorizing it like a poem. Marking it in his mind as if a permanent scar on his body until it became second nature.
He began to notice that the harder he worked the more decent it became. More labour and sweat meant more income, maybe not a lot but enough to buy something to fill their stomachs and save up once in a while. They raise them from ground up until they themselves become the walls keeping them caged.
Dumb hates them. The twisted sick minds that build the system. Made them think they could use them as they saw fit, and fight for a cause they don’t give a damn about.
Those privileged bastards all deserve to die. He wants to have the honour of watching them burn and rot, die slowly as they beg, plead for the mercy they didn’t even have. Dumb doesn’t want to give them the privilege of getting buried like decent people, they didn’t spare his mother dignity so why should he? Her corpse probably got eaten by crows and other animals or burnt like many others lying there lifelessly. Forgotten.
Dumb refused to go through that again with Coin, Deathly and Stormz. The dearest people in his life, the ones he held close, who became a piece of his heart, he refused to lose once again. Their warmth, their presence-reminded him he was still alive. If he ever lost them, he’d lose himself.
Becoming strong was no longer an option, it was a necessity for survival. He learnt from a young age that status meant everything, they would never actually climb up the ranks and live more comfortably if they weren’t born into that wealth. It was all a facade they put up to motivate their soldiers -more like slaves- to work harder and contribute to daily labour, basic needs, twisted into rewards, paid off by their scum money.
It all started off with a shared late night fantasy, more like the idea of it. What would it be like if they met outside here, with no actual need to lean onto someone, would they still be this close? What if they just ran away? Deathly questioned it. Dumb washed away the idea, of course they would meet. To him, it didn’t need second guesses or ‘if’s’. Dumb believed and will always believe their bond was meant to be.
In all honesty he didn’t like or care for any of them at first. Coin was just another stuck up soldier, Deathly was a troublesome kid and Stormz was very confused. Ironic, really. How he would kill for the same people he would turn back on. He knew they also, with no hesitation, would do the same for him.
Most people learnt to not mess with them due to their shown aggression to others who tried. It didn’t stop the strange looks through, people still whispered; yet Dumb felt no need to ever bat an eye. These people all have lost themselves, they forget their roots and where they came from, what made them human or individuals. Their words meant nothing.
As for running away, it did sound appealing at first however he was hesitant. It would put their life at risk, which made Dumb cross the idea out immediately. But after discussing it with Coin, he confirmed it was possible. Dumb stood his ground and didn’t hesitate to voice his concerns about their safety. He’d rather stay than gamble on their lives.
It wasn’t like he didn’t want to leave. He did. More than he let on, although there were more important, more precious things that mattered.
So they came to the agreement that they’d wait, patiently. Weeks, months, years if they had to. Planning their grant escape, an act of rebellion. Proving to them that they were unable to capture their minds and keep them inside this prison.
“Ta-da! I know I know. No need to compliment humble ol’ me!”
Staring at his reflection Dumb appreciated the work done on his hair. Instead of his messy classic low ponytail, Stormz had tied it up in a comfortable high ponytail before they went off on their assigned job; which is standing all day. With a gentle smile spread across his face, Dumb fixed the front of his hair while Stormz complimented his own handiwork.
“Good job, you almost didn’t mess up this time!”
“Excuse you- Your hair looked no different than a bird's nest a second ago.”
Toche. They giggled together, all the earlier tension melting away like a sunny morning after a snowstorm. The reaction Stormz gave every time Dumb tried to protect or look after him had only gotten worse, more aggressive. He knows that Dumb is just looking out for them, he is aware so why treat it like something entirely different.
When he was pulled aside by Coin, he gave Dumb one of his very famous, well known talks about ‘Not being too hard on Stormz’ He wasn't being hard. He was just looking out for them! Everybody knew that. Stormz was just too stubborn, this reckless idiot was more than willing to throw himself in fights he had no chance of winning just to prove a point.
Did Coin and Deathly really think he could handle his own without them there in a real fight with that eye? He shouldn’t even be holding a sword in that condition. To the enemies he is seen as an easy target and gets jumped immediately. It was no surprise or something new; he had lost count of the number of times Stormz had been attacked first because of his condition.
For two seconds Dumb would turn the other way and the next thing he sees would be Stormz charging at three armed men. Who does that?!
Now it was Dumb’s turn to fix Stormz’s hair, he brushed his fingers through his long locks, unknoting each strand carefully, afraid to rip off even a single strand.
“You understand that I’m just looking out for you, right?”
Dumb’s voice came out certain, it wasn’t entirely a question. More of a reminder of why he acts the way he does. Stormz in response sinks his shoulders with a sigh, leaning into the hands treating him so gently. Splitting the hair in three sections Dumb starts to braid, making it tighter as he reaches closer to the ends.
“I know and I understand. Trust me. You’re just too much sometimes and I-”
Stormz gets cut off by a loud knock and a voice calling out to them. Dumb feels glad to get interrupted to an extent, they had this conversation many times before. It just feels pointless. Dumb ties the braid and nudges Stormz by the arm, signaling him to follow. Sulking behind Dumb, Stormz drags himself unwillingly.
Just for three more days they have to endure.
Pili doesn’t know how much more of this he can endure.
Pili feels like the air around him is trying to choke him deliberately. His chest is tight and it’s hard to breathe- Father was mad, furious. He messed up his speech exam, again. Staring at the papers spread all across his desk Pili reads over them again and again. He memorized it, this time it was correct, the words just didn’t- they just didn’t come out.
He wrote each of these lines himself, choosing each word with care. His mind just seemed to stop when he stood in front of his teachers, standing there with their pens ready. Father worked so hard to give him this opportunity, and all he does is mess everything up every single time.
Pili reads the papers again. His bottom lip trembled with each line. He knows them, he recognizes the words. He wrote them, of course he does. Why was it so hard to just speak the same sentences out loud?
The humiliation he felt when he stood there in front of all those people came crashing back ten fold like a flood. Not only was he embarrassing himself but his family reputation too, he had the best opportunity in the world to grow and secure his future yet couldn’t even give a simple speech.
Hovering over his desk with pen in hand he feels trapped. Reading the same lines over and over, drawing lines under specific parts as if it would help him memorize better.
Pili doesn’t even realize but after a few minutes his hand moves on its own, the overflown stress and pressure slowly lifts off his shoulders with each stroke of his pen.
He really shouldn’t. Father doesn’t like it when he spends his time with this unproductive stuff. He shouldn’t, this was a waste of time- He should stop. This wasn’t going to get him anywhere in life, drawing is kids stuff. He shouldn’t-
Despite the warnings and lectures echoing inside the walls of his head, he shows no effort to actually stop drawing. Pili feels guilty, however the pleasure and passion he feels when looking at the work is undeniable. The words written on paper become a part of the picture instead of words he has to memorize. It feels free.
His relaxation is cut short when suddenly someone throws themselves in his window, he could only stare in shock when he notices who it is. The prince- Of Theria! Pili has heard of his arrival although had not seen him- He shouldn’t be here. Why was he here? If someone came in they’d get the wrong idea, get him into more trouble! He shouldn’t be here- Father can’t see him, father can’t know, father-
The prince begs when there's a knock on the door that is far too familiar. Figuring they had no time, Pili points towards the closet, telling the prince to hide.
Even though Prince is not seen it doesn’t save him from the humiliating words. He yells, screams, rips off his hard work and all Pili could do is stare at the ground, his gut filled with knots, and the lump in his throat grew about the size of his fist.
Pili’s shoulders flinch like a scared animal when the door is slammed shut. The words keep ringing in his ears even after he leaves. Suddenly the pressure returns, swallowing him whole again. It is the sound coming from the closet that snaps him out, he forgot he wasn’t alone. The room is filled with awkward silence as he tries not to let the tears slip in front of someone with high value -He really didn’t look like it right now-
Humiliating. All of this was nothing but humiliating. If he could just do what father tells him to do in the exact way he wants, he wouldn’t be struggling so much.
“Why didn’t you say anything back?”
The prince questions. His voice was strong in a way that didn’t make you feel small.
How could he say anything back? Why would he? Father was older, he only wanted what was best for him- He was working hard for Pili. That would be disrespectful to him and his efforts.
He then goes out of his way to collect the ripped parts of his art work, putting them all back together- Complementing his work! Pili’s heart could explode from how hard it was hammering against his chest.
“Then you keep making more. They can never lock away your passion for long- even if you try to press down the urge, every time you hold that pencil you’ll find yourself drawing those same lines.”
After the prince climbs back up, unable to find nowhere to escape from; Pili assumes gives up and waits up in his room. Pili wishes to talk to him more, for the first time ever someone looked at something he made and thought it was worth something. He wanted him to make it again too- Maybe he could give the next one to the prince as a gift since he liked it.
Pili rushes to his desk, beaming with a rush of excitement. Moving with the encouragement came from the prince, imagining new things he could make.
For just a few seconds he was on cloud nine, until those words started ringing in his ears again like a chanting.
Pili’s hand hangs over the new blank paper, all of his eagerness washing away.
What was he doing? This would upset his father. He doesn’t want to upset his father any further.
With no sense of time he sits there. Blankly, unwavering. Pili’s mind splits into two, the words prince touched his heart with, and his father who raised him and is trying to build a future.
Merged with his seat Pili thinks. What is he thinking exactly? What is he trying to solve here looking at this empty paper? What was even the question?
“I don’t even know what I’m doing…”
Pili’s posture crumbles as he hides his face between his hands. This is all so embarrassing, so humiliating. He wants to rip his own head off, maybe then he’d finally stop thinking and put an end to these headaches!
“Stupid stupid stupid..!”
He has a good dad, a drawn out career waiting for him. He doesn’t have to worry about the future, or if he’s going to have food on the table. He was being treated nicer than all of the other soldiers and workers here even if he didn’t deserve it. He has a nice room, good quality clothes, no one ever raised a hand at him. He has everything served on a silver platter.
Why did he have to be so ungrateful?
The silence is sliced by a single thud, coming right outside his window. Was it the prince again? Pili got back on his feet steadily, careful with his approach.
However what he saw was someone not climbing down but up. Confused, Pili slowly peaks outside from the corner of the window. Only able to catch a glimpse of the figure as they boosted themselves up.
Was that… No way- was that commander Coin?
Worry fled across Coin's mind when Deathly mentioned saps and what had happened. He found the idea of Saps getting hurt -again-didn’t sit right, by very skillfully avoiding Deathly’s further investigation, Coin grabbed some bread and water from the shared kitchen for Saps. It wasn’t a feast but had to do.
After finding the room Saps was given by some snooping around, and almost entering wrong ones in the process he finally found the correct one. Or more like Saps found him- ‘In all his glory’ wasn’t quite the right way to put it. He looked like a complete mess. And that would be an understatement! He looked drained of himself, an empty, tired vessel.
Coin’s fingers twitched as Saps backed away from him like a deer in headlights when he tried to approach. Eventually he gave in, slid right beside him and dug into that bread, Coin wished he had brought more.
Saps agreed to take a shower with Coin on guard, spending about an hour in the shower, looking like a completely different person when he finally came out. They didn’t get to talk too much about the conversation with the king, however Coin’s nonsense seemed to have helped him relax enough to sleep alone.
Glancing back at the slack body lying on the bed before leaving reminded him of Dumb, it was funny how they almost slept in the same position all curled up around themselves. Coin had to hold in his laughter sliding out the window.
Careful and steady with each step- climbing was easier than getting down that's for sure. Good thing he grew up climbing the trees Deathly got stuck on and got some training! That kid used to be a complete menace, infinite energy that never seemed to drain. The little troublemaker had the most innocent face too!
He had fit right into their little bubble, they weren’t exactly bundles of joy but had enough to share between each other.
Every crack in the uneven wall, he stepped on with slow deliberate steps, feeling them out with the tips of his fingers and feet. Inch by inch, every movement measured before the next. Once he got closer to the window under Saps’s, the footholds grew easier. Still, without any rush he hung briefly from the sides of the closed window. Searching for the safest way down.
“Commander Coin?”
He flinched at the sudden voice, one of his feet slipped off the foothold. No time to scream or mutter another sound, Coin's grip tightened hard on the edges of the now open window.
Shit Shit Shit- Oh, God.
He might be hanging on by a thread but his heart sure as hell wasn’t!
The sound of his racing heart filled his ears, almost drowning out the scared gasp coming from the young man, who had reached for Coin. Arms shot forward, hands clamping hard around his wrists, enough for his knuckles to turn white.
He pulled, trying to haul Coin back up while muttering out panicked apologies under his shaky breath.
“I-I’m sorry- Dear lord I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you!”
Adrenaline running high, Coin found his balance. His wide open, confused eyes met the younger man’s terrified ones for the first time. Both of them trying to figure the other out.
Coin gulped nervously, surely there would be an excuse he could pop up.
Who even was this? He had no recognition of the person in front of him at all. Didn’t resemble any of the newbies from the morning, nor any soldier. Maybe a butler? No that couldn’t be, butlers didn’t own rooms of their own.
“Afternoon..?”
The young man glanced between Coin and his hands, hesitating as he slowly pulled his own away. Before Coin could understand and question the intention behind this interaction, he pulled out a neatly folded paper from his pocket.
“Afternoon! I just- noticed that you went up to see the prince and was wondering if you could give this to him on your next visit- If it isn’t too much trouble..?”
Coin blinked. Once. Twice, Baffled to say the least. The only trouble right now was the fact that he was hanging off a castle wall. Which he almost died falling off of! His body might be present, unfortunately- the same thing couldn’t be said for his small, fragile heart.
“Nice to meet you too?”
Still confused on who this was and why he wanted this paper to be given to Saps, Coin smiled awkwardly. This young man didn’t look threatening or harmful, he looked rather lost if anything. Picking up on the strangeness of the situation, the young man got flustered, fidgeting with the corners of the paper.
“Apologies I- I didn’t introduce myself, I’m Pili..! The Prince actually tried to climb down before you arrived-”
“He did what?”
“H-He was okay! Really! But he was really nice and I wanted to thank him. I have no way to deliver this message, and I know you’re already putting yourself at risk visiting his room -even though I don’t know why a commander would do such a thing- but I really need your help, please..?”
Too stunned to speak, with his mouth hanging open, Coin tried to register what he had just heard. Was Saps dense?! He could’ve easily lost his balance and fallen, right there on the floor! Drop dead! Gone! No more Saparata!
Coin had to press down the urge to climb back up and give him a piece of his mind. Instead, decided to focus on the bigger issue- himself, hanging off a wall, with the strangest request given from a complete stranger.
Although he was about to refuse, looking at Pili's pleading expression made him backtrack. How did he get himself in these situations?
“I’ll make sure he receives it tomorrow, alright? I’m going to fall if I don’t get down soon! These bad boys can only hang on for too long-”
“Yes- yes of course, please don’t get hurt! Thank you so much! I don’t know how to repay you-”
One of Coin’s hands extends out to take the paper, he quickly shuffles it inside his pocket and continues to go down. This time in more hurry, he had already taken too long guarding Saps, and now this side quest had come out of nowhere.
“Don’t mention it.”
Pili waves as Coin makes his way down, watching with worried eyes, afraid that he’d fall at any given moment.
Coin knew he was venturing into danger when he decided to visit the hostage, prince of Theria, Saps. But he would’ve never guessed that delivering letters was a part of the job! Hearing the young man’s desperate voice was just something he couldn’t brush past. Coin took note to ask Pili about himself tomorrow morning when he visited Saps, the least he could do!
Glancing down, Coin was now in a good distance where he could land safely. His body was in a persistent ache that has only gotten stronger the longer he held on. Spotting the solid ground of the earth, he leapt off the wall. Knees buckling as his feet struck the ground. Having to land safely, Coin takes a moment to rub his hands together.
Deathly’s probably waiting for him, he has to hurry back before he gets more suspicious than he already is.
“You’re late.”
Coin’s breath caught in his throat.
He had not heard him approach, how long had he been there? How much did he see? If Coin were to turn around right this moment and face Deathly, could he really?
Fingers twitch at his sides, body turns slowly as if it would give him enough time to mutter an apology, any sort of explanation.
Once he turned Coin was met with Deathly, who showed no rush or demand to know what his business was. Although very visibly upset and angry. A crawling unease settled right in his gut, almost as if bugs started chewing his insides. Would it be better if he spoke?
“Deathly- look I know this looks bad.”
Coin mumbles, attempts to take a few steps closer to Deathly; only to be stopped by his risen hand. Coin doesn’t attempt further conversation or movement, afraid of making the situation worse.
The air around them is uncomfortably tense, every second passed with silence is another painful twist of guilt.
After what feels like hours, Deathly is the one who breaks the silence. A sharp exhale from the depths of his chest.
“My room after duty.”
The words linger in the air, heavy. Deathly’s jaw tightens for a brief second before he turns around, without waiting for a response. Just like that, Coin watches his figure slowly disappear out of sight. Left standing alone with this crawling unease on his back, Coin goes over every single thing he might've done wrong leading up to this moment.
He already felt terrible for lying to Deathly, he never lies to him!
Why did he even think that would be a good idea? Deathly had deliberately asked them to stay low this week, the big day was right around the corner. They’ve been waiting for this for God knows how long.
Hardly able to bring himself to move again, Coin tries to collect his scattered thoughts.
Once he finally leaves the “crime scene” and gets back on guarding the main hall entrance inside the castle. The entire time he stood there unwavering, drowning in the waves of different outcomes of their future conversation, which is soon. Only a few hours away.
Did time pass this slowly everyday? Has the clock grown a grudge against him that it refuses to move?
Sweat dripped down from his forehead. Inside the heavy armour body tensed.
Coin wants to apologize to Deathly as soon as possible.
That look on his face is something Coin doesn’t want to witness again.
With no room for patience and time wasting, Coin rushes to take off his armour, hurriedly making his way to Deathly’s. The cogs in his head turning seem to falter with each step closer to his doom.
Standing in front of Deathly’s door, his hand that had reached for the handle froze for a moment. He can’t wait any longer. Not bothering to knock, Coin throws himself in, quickly shutting the door behind him as soon as he enters.
And there he was.
Deathly sat on his bed, shoulders tight, not bothering to glance up. Looking more distraught than Coin remembers. Smaller. Suddenly it feels like the old days when Coin would comfort him, yet this time it was slightly different.
Coin exhaled, his shoulders sinking as he sat right next to Deathly.
“You lied to me.”
Deathly started, his voice was unreadable. Coin didn’t interrupt.
“I asked you- I asked you and you straight up lied to me–!”
His voice rose as Deathly repeated it, fists tightening at his sides. Composure beginning to crumble.
“I don’t understand why you would want to risk your life– OUR lives in danger just to check up on a prince, we have no business in his life. I don’t think you understand just how stupid you are! You could've died for fucks sake!”
“He was all alone and scared I just couldn’t leave him–”
“He’s a stranger!”
“We were strangers.”
Deathly’s eyes grew wider, his head snapped right at Coin who was also on the edge of his seat. Deathly shoots to his feet, facing Coin clenching his teeth, inhaling sharply as if putting pressure on a wound.
“If you’re so good and sympathetic, why don’t you save the other hundreds of kids imprisoned here!?”
“You know I would if I could..!”
Coin argues back, voice tight with frustration. Deathly opens his mouth to shout back– voice catching in his throat, eyes squeezing shut as he drags a hand over his temple, forcing himself to breathe and recollect. Expression faltering for just a second.
“I know you would, that’s the problem– Do you think it’s really worth it? putting our lives at risk?”
A painful beat stretches between them. Deathly's voice drops, strained.
“I never intended to put your lives at risk.”
“I’m talking about yours too!”
Coin's head snaps up, expression softening– and so does Deathly’s. The air inside the room shifted to something more vulnerable. A small frown forms on Deathly’s face before he turns to his side, his arms crossed as he dug his nail into his own skin.
Coin exhales, tension still lingering in his shoulders.
“I’m sorry.”
“You lied to me.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Coin runs his hand through his hair. He really wished he could just rip off his thought process from his roots and hand it over.
“I didn’t tell you because– well, in all honesty he reminded me so much of you guys. I couldn’t ignore him– I just couldn’t, Deathly.”
Another long pause. Deathly glances back at Coin who is desperately waiting for him to say something. His brows knit together as he faces Coin yet again.
“You still should've told me…”
Deathly’s arms drop at his sides, rocking on his heels and tip toes back and forth while eyes dart everywhere on the ground before he continues.
“I– I felt betrayed, okay?”
His voice cracks.
“You always tell me everything, Stormz and Dumb have this closed off bond that I just don’t feel a part of and I thought I had that with you–”
Coin's eyes widens, shaking his rapidly from side to side. Heart swells at those words and the way his voice broke in the middle of it. Coin bolts on his feet, hurriedly reaching out and grabbing Deathly by the shoulders.
“Deathly– No no no, don’t think like that, never think like that–”
Arms moved past his shoulders before he could overthink it, wrapping behind his back, pulling Deathly into a tight embrace. One of Coin’s hands slid behind Deathly’s head in his greenish locks, pressing it closer to where his neck and shoulders met almost desperately.
Deathly’s body is stiff in Coin’s arms. As if he’s unsure of how to lean in, Coin doesn’t let go, only tightens his hold.
Slowly, hesitantly, Deathly’s shoulders tremble. His arms rise, then pause in the air, hovering like he’s unsure of what to do with them.
With a deep shaky sigh Deathly slowly lowers his forehead onto Coin’s shoulder as his hands settle against his back, fingers curl into fists on his shirt. The tension in the body Coin held in his arms slowly breaks.
“I got you little man– always.”
“It just felt like you didn’t trust me.”
He mumbles, muffled as he holds on tighter.
“Never, never ever.”
There were more things needed to be discussed. Although right now, nothing needed to be said other than the silence between them. heavy but no longer sharp. Replaced by the warmth radiating from the comforting embrace.