Chapter Text
James fidgeted nervously outside of their dorm room, wringing his hands together as he fought the urge not to start pacing. The door to their room loomed in front of the boy, thick panels taunting him as he attempted, but mostly failed, to work up the courage to knock against the hard wood.
A shaky exhale escaped him and he pursued his lips in frustration. How hard could it really be? James had certainly faced more terrifying things in his life, an angry Euphemia Potter for one, so talking to Sirius, his best friend, should’ve been a piece of cake. Instead, it felt like James was about to receive the Dementors Kiss.
He was only about to tell his best friend that he kind of, sort of maybe wanted to date his brother - what was so bad about that? Apart from the fact that Sirius had already freaked out the first time he thought it was happening, of course.
But hey, that’s what second chances were for. Right? And at least this time Sirius would already be somewhat warmed up to the idea, it wouldn’t be as much of a shock and maybe he’d even be more accustomed to the prospect.
No.
Nope.
Who was James kidding? Sirius Black - accepting of someone trying to date his brother? Never in a million years. He was screwed, James was whole-heartedly, totally fucked.
“You can do this, Prongs,” James mumbled to himself, trying to shake the nerves out of his body, “it’s only Sirius.” Understatement of the year.
After his enlightening conversation with Lily, he’d decided that rather than rushing straight to the Slytherin dorms and confessing his undying affection to Regulus, in order to maximise his chances of living to see his eighteenth birthday it would be smart to speak with Sirius first. Besides, James still wasn’t entirely convinced that Regulus felt the same way, there was always the chance that what he’d written on the map was a joke that James had regretfully misinterpreted as something more, and that everything he felt was strictly unrequited.
If the latter were the, unfortunate and heart-breaking, case then Sirius would relish in knowing that his biggest fear was not coming true, and James would at least get the satisfaction of knowing he had been honest about his feelings - even if it did mean also wallowing in despair. There was no hard evidence to say that James and Regulus being destined was anything more than a joke, something designed to offend James, so he really shouldn't have gotten his hopes up.
But James couldn’t help that it had had the rather opposite effect - how could it not make his pulse quicken and heart soar? Anyone should count themselves lucky to be destined to be with someone as beautiful and effortlessly perplexing as Regulus, James didn’t see why he should be the one at fault for recognising that.
Either way, he was hopefully avoiding an early grave, which was the primary goal. Living was sort of James’ main priority - he couldn’t exactly kiss Regulus if he was a ghost.
“James?”
Peter’s voice behind him had James whirling around in a fright, his friend having snuck up on him. The other boy had paused midway up the stairs, an inquisitive look on his face, textbooks in hand.
“Pete, mate,” James greeted awkwardly, hand on his chest in surprise, “didn’t expect to see you here.”
Peter narrowed his eyes, taking a slow step further up the stairs, “It’s our dorm.”
“Yes - yes, of course.”
“Is there, uh, any reason you’re lurking outside it - rather than going in?” Peter asked warily, as if James was hiding some monstrous beast in there he wasn't aware about.
“Oh, in here?” James gestured to their dorm behind him and waved the boy off, “Pfft, no, I was…well, I was, you know?”
“Hmm,” Peter shook his head, humour evident in his voice, “no, I’m not quite sure I do.”
For the love of God why did the universe hate James so much?
He let out a nervous laugh as he fiddled with his robe. “Don’t even worry about it then, eh?”
Peter cocked his head to the side, “You’re looking for Sirius, aren’t you?”
“Is he in there?” James squeaked, his whole body tensing.
“No - common room.”
Oh. James glanced back at the door behind him, suddenly feeling very foolish. When he’d walked past the common room earlier it had been empty - how long had he been standing outside their dorm for?
“Is he alone?”
“With Remus.”
James sighed in annoyance, resisting the urge to stomp his feet. Then, an idea crossed his mind. Peter jumped as James snapped his fingers suddenly in his face.
“Go get Remus.” He commanded, to which Peter groaned.
“But I just came all the way up here,” he whined, sagging his shoulders.
“I don’t care,” James pointed back down the stairs, “go get Remus, tell him you, I don’t know - you have chocolate for him or something.”
“Chocolate?” Peter repeated incredulously, “Why can’t you-”
“Because I need to speak to Sirius, alone.” James clasped his hands together and pouted, “Please, Pete, just do this one thing for me.”
“You’re acting like I don’t do everything for you.”
“And haven’t I always told you how grateful I am for that?”
Peter narrowed his eyes, “No.”
“Well,” James clapped a hand on his shoulder, “I’m telling you now. So please, Pete?”
James pulled out the best puppy-dog eye performance he could muster and it seemed to do the trick. Reluctantly, Peter sighed and turned to head back down the stairs, grumbling an array of insults under his breath as he did. James grinned - no one could ever say no to his puppy-dog eyes.
It only took a few minutes before Peter reappeared again, a rather amused-looking Remus behind him who took one look at James’ anxiety-ridden face and burst out laughing. James glared at the boy, not quite sure what was so hilarious.
“God, James, you look like you’re being sentenced to your death,” Remus remarked, his laughter echoing down the stairs.
“He’s not wrong, Prongs, you do look a little…” Peter searched for the right word, “pained.”
James huffed and pushed past them on the stairs, “Prats - the both of you.”
“You haven’t actually shagged his brother, right?” Remus joked as James passed by, earning himself a chuckle from Peter.
James chose not to dignify the question with an answer, mostly because his mouth had gone completely dry and he didn’t quite trust that any words would actually come out. Remus was just teasing. Of course Sirius had been appalled at the idea the other day but that was different, wasn’t it? He wouldn’t kill his best friend over this, surely not.
The warmth from the fireplace hit James as he spied Sirius tucked up in one the arm chairs in the corner of the room, lazily twirling his wand around in his hand. The boy perked up when he spotted James, flashing him a dashing smile.
“Prongsy! Come sit!” Sirius pointed at the empty chair opposite him, which James assumed had been where Remus was sitting moments earlier. He nervously took a seat in front of his friend, body stiff and awkward.
“Pete said you wanted to talk.”
James resisted the urge to roll his eyes - the concept of suitability had clearly gone completely over Peter’s head. He cleared his throat awkwardly, hands splayed over his knees.
“Well, yes, yes I do.”
Brilliant start, James.
Sirius gestured with his hands for the boy to keep going, “The floor is yours.”
James attempted to smile but it probably looked more like a grimace than anything. He jogged his knee up and down nervously, eyes darting everywhere in the room except Sirius. Was it hot in there? Maybe it was the fire - James felt like he was sweating buckets and he’d only been there for all of two minutes.
“It’s uh…it’s about the other day,” James began.
Sirius drew his eyebrows together in confusion and then realisation dawned on him, he winced, an apologetic expression on his face.
“Yeah, mate, I’m really sorry about that, I should’ve believed you.” Sirius let out a snort of laughter, “As if you’d ever have a thing with Reg, I mean it's ridiculous, it was stupid of me to believe some dumb map over my best mate.”
“Pfft, as if,” James forced a laugh, the bouncing of his knee intensifying, “Regulus? Never - disgusting.”
James was digging himself into a deep, deep hole.
“I know, right?”
Sirius relaxed back into his chair, slipping his wand back into the pocket of his robe, clearly satisfied with the conversation. James swallowed, hard. That had been the easy part, getting the conversation started, now was where the real work came into it.
“So,” James scratched nervously at the back of his neck, “we’re all good then? Me and you?”
“Of course, Prongs,” Sirius bumped their knees together affectionately, offering a reassuring smile, “I’m sorry if my, uh, behaviour said otherwise. It’s just, well, it’s Regulus, you know? He’s my brother.”
James nodded in understanding. “You’re protective of him, I get it.”
“Exactly,” Sirius agreed, “it’s nothing personal.”
“So it’s not because you think so lowly of me that I don’t deserve Regulus, then?” James joked, although there was nothing funny about what he was asking.
Sirius rolled his eyes and tutted, “You know you’re the eye-candy of Hogwarts, Prongsy, just not for my brother.”
Okay…so that wasn’t a terrible response. Now it was time for the big guns.
James shrugged his shoulders daringly, doing his best to sound as casual as possible, “I mean…would it really be that bad - Regulus and I dating?”
All the humour drained from Sirius’ face and he fixed James with a very stern look, “Yes.”
Shit.
Something dawned on Sirius then and he straightened up in his chair, eyes dangerously narrowed as he gazed at the other boy suspiciously. James leant back ever so slightly in his own chair in response, as if he was afraid Sirius was going to pounce on him any second. The air was thick with tension and James didn’t dare breathe.
“Are you…what are you trying to say, James?” Sirius asked slowly, his tone threatening low.
James shifted uncomfortably, he never liked seeing Sirius so serious, especially when the pensive behaviour was targeted towards him. He looked so much like Regulus with the concentrated look on his face - and now was really not the time for James to be seeing Regulus in Sirius.
“Hypothetically speaking,” James began, pressing his lips together, “if your best friend had perhaps…discovered that they might have feelings for said brother, then, uh, what…what would you say - to that?”
He opened up his hands in an awkward ‘surprise!’ kind of manner, and braced himself for impact. Sirius didn’t move, didn’t blink - his eyes trained on James like a predator watching its prey, and then suddenly -
“No.”
James’ face fell, his voice unusually high, “No?”
“Tell me you’re not serious, Prongs.”
James didn’t think now was the appropriate time for a ‘No, you’re Sirius!’ joke so he held himself back. Sirius’ eyes were filled with unwavering scrutiny as he watched the boy, as if trying to find an answer to his question before James even spoke.
“I…I - yes, I am.”
Sirius looked James up and down with disgust, “Fuck you, James.”
He made to get up out of his chair but James latched onto his wrist before he could escape. Sirius twisted in the boy’s grip but James didn’t relent - the conversation wasn’t going to end like this, he wasn’t about to let that happen.
“Wait - no - Sirius, please let me explain,” James begged.
“What is there to explain, exactly?” Sirius spat back, still trying to dislodge himself from where James was keeping him captive.
“Just hear me out, okay?” James' grip didn’t relax, if anything it got tighter.
“No.”
“Sirius-”
“Piss off you-”
“Padfoot, sit down and fucking listen to me.” James snapped. Sirius went still in his grip, his lips forming into a thin line as he glared at James, his eyes still burning with a mixture of anger and betrayal.
For a moment James thought Sirius was going to ignore him, pull himself free and walk out the common room - probably never speak to James again. But then he huffed out a sharp breath and sat back down on the chair, tense and rigid, like he was ready to bolt at any moment. James let go of his arm.
“Fine,” Sirius snarled, rubbing at the sore spot on his wrist, “you’ve got exactly two minutes before I decide on which method I’m going to use to kill you - go.”
It was now or never, no pressure, James.
“Okay, so, I want to start by saying that nothing has happened, alright? No sneaking around or anything, I barely even speak to Regulus as it is! So, you know, I haven’t betrayed you or anything, okay - I would never, yeah?” James paused, waiting for Sirius to nod in understanding before continuing.
“Anyway, so, I guess I never realised it until, you know, seeing the map and stuff, but I’ve kind of always…liked him? Not like, crazy in love, or anything cause that would be stupid, but like…admired! Yes, admired, that’s the word. But obviously he’s your brother you know, and I thought he hated me, so I never ever did anything - and would never, I wouldn’t, which is why I haven’t, see? Our friendship is the most important thing in the world to me and I would never, ever jeopardise that, alright? That’s why I’m doing this, speaking to you, because if you’re not okay with it then, well, that’s fair enough - I don’t even know if Regulus actually like likes me either, so maybe this is all way too presumptuous and I’ll be rejected, who knows? That would be funny, wouldn’t it? Sorry, not the point. But seeing as Regulus did make the map I guess I kind of assumed he would feel the sa-”
“Wait, sorry,” Sirius interrupted, his face one of shock, “Regulus made the map?”
James’ hand flew up to his mouth. “Shit, sorry, didn’t you know? He and Barty did - someone saw them leaving McGonagall's office earlier today together.”
Sirius’ blinked owlishly, his anger from before momentarily gone, “Wow, wow. I’m…I’m almost proud of him.”
“I’m jealous we didn’t get the idea first, if I’m honest,” James agreed.
Sirius clutched a hand at his chest, his eyes full of pride, “My baby brother’s first prank.”
“Yeah,” James laughed, relieved to see Sirius less serious, “he’s becoming one of us.”
Sirius' eyes narrowed sharply, “Don’t push it, I’m still angry with you.”
Spoke too soon. James held up a hand, “Right - sorry.”
Sirius took a deep breath, “So Regulus made the map? He said that you two were destined or whatever?”
James nodded.
“Reg, when I get my hands on you I swear to Merlin.” Sirius grumbled under his breath, rubbing at his temple like the entire conversation was paining him, “So what, that’s it? One silly line on a map and you’ve suddenly discovered you have a crush on my brother?”
“No, it’s not like that,” James defended, “well, it kind of is - but I don’t mean these feelings have come out of nowhere. I’ve always admired Regulus, like that, but like I said I never even considered acting on it.”
“Right,” Sirius deadpanned, “because you’re my best mate and putting your penis in my brother would be a bit-”
“Jesus - fuck, okay!” James shuddered at the colourful language, “Yes - yes that’s why I never did anything.”
There was a moment of silence between the two of them as Sirius eyed the other boy suspiciously. James honestly wasn’t sure whether Sirius was about to say something or just get on with killing him, it was unclear. He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as Sirius continued to glare at him.
“What do you want to get out of it?” Sirius eventually asked.
James blinked, he hadn’t been expecting that. “What do you mean?”
“Is it a crush?” Sirius pushed, “Do you just want a fling? Are you going to mess Reg around and-”
“No, no, no - not at all,” James bit his lip nervously, “I like him, Sirius.”
“You swear?”
“I swear.”
Sirius nodded, but he still didn’t look overly pleased. He fiddled with one of the silver rings on his finger for a moment before he spoke again.
“I don’t like it,” Sirius admitted, and James felt his heart plummet, “the idea of you two…you know. I’d hate for something to go wrong and…and for me to have to pick.”
James swallowed, he’d been expecting Sirius to voice concern along those lines. It made his heart ache with guilt, the last thing he wanted to do was put his best friend in a position like that - a situation where he would have to choose. But James would never let that happen, not in a million years.
“I get that,” James said earnestly, “but I swear to you I would never do anything to hurt him, I’d never want to put you in that position.”
Sirius huffed out a humourless laugh, “You can’t promise things like that.”
“I can promise to try my absolute hardest.” And James meant it, every word.
Sirius continued to fiddle with his ring, not meeting James’ eye.
“I know, Prongs,” Sirius sounded deflated, a sadness in his voice, “but you have to understand that…that if something did happen, I would pick him. I would pick Regulus.”
And James knew that, he’d always known that. He expected nothing less of Sirius, and that’s why he would do everything in his power to make sure everything went right, so that he’d never have to force Sirius to make that decision.
“I understand,” James said, “I know what’s at stake but I’m willing to take the risk - that’s how serious I am about this, Prongs.”
Sirius met James’ gaze, his eyes shiny and face a mask of uncertainty, “You mean it? I mean, do you really mean it, James? This is my baby brother we’re talking about here.”
“I do,” James promised, hoping his voice conveyed everything he felt, “I swear.”
There was a moment of silence as the two boys sat there, Sirius unusually composed and deep in thought, James a mess of nerves and desperation for his friend to understand how resolute he was.
Then, a quiet grumble under his breath, Sirius spoke, “Fuck me, Prongs, you and Reg are going to be the death of me one day.”
James perked up, eyes wide and a bubble of hope in his chest, “Does this mean-”
“Yes, you bastard,” Sirius sighed, deep and heavy, but there was a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, “you have my blessing - don’t look so smug about it.”
And James could’ve cried tears of joy hearing that. He didn’t waste any time tackling the other boy in a tight embrace, which Sirius protested at first but when James showed no sign of relenting, sighed in defeat and wrapped his arms around the other boy.
“You really mean it?” James whispered in disbelief, not quite able to let himself accept the boy’s words.
He could practically hear the sound of Sirius rolling his eyes to the back of his head. “Unfortunately, yes.”
James pulled back so he was at arms length with Sirius, his pulse was racing so fast he thought his heart was going to explode in his chest. The other boy feigned a scene of gagging in disgust.
“I hate seeing you look so happy over my brother,” Sirius complained lightly, “I can’t believe little eleven year old Reggie’s fantasies are going to come true.”
“Excuse me?” James shrieked, gripping Sirius by his shoulders aggressively hard, “You mean he likes me back?”
Sirius blinked at him like he’d grown three heads, “He said you were fucking destined on a sex map - what more proof do you need?”
James couldn’t speak, he couldn’t think - because surely he must’ve heard Sirius wrong.
“I knew he had a crush on you the first day you met,” Sirius admitted reluctantly, “he wouldn’t stop blushing every time I mentioned your name for the next week.”
“He did?”
Sirius grimaced at the shrill excitement in James’ voice, “Ew, stop that, stop looking so happy.”
“I thought he hated me,” James said confused, “he would hardly ever talk to me.”
“Only because he was too shy around you.”
A beaming smile spread across James’ face like wildfire, “He was doing it because he had a crush on me!”
Sirius rolled his eyes lazily, “You can be so clueless sometimes, Prongs.”
James grabbed Sirius’ face with his hands and placed an exaggerated kiss on his forehead, pulling back with a distinct smack of his lips. Sirius couldn’t help but snort at the boy’s behaviour, admittedly glad to see James so happy.
“Have I ever told you how much I love you, Padfoot?”
“Yes, but all things considered I expect to be hearing it a lot more.”
James stood up and saluted Sirius, “Thank you,” he whispered sincerely.
Sirius shrugged smugly, “What can I say? I am the best.”
“That you are,” James agreed, making his way towards the door.
“Oh - and Prongs?”
James turned around just in time to watch Sirius’ smile drop and eyes harden, a very deadly look on his face.
“If you hurt a hair on his head I will maul you to death.”
James swallowed, “As Padfoot?”
“As Padfoot.”
“Got it,” James nodded sharply, “hearing you loud and clear.”
The smile returned to Sirius’ face, almost as if it had never left. “I suppose you’re going to go see him now, aren’t you?”
James grinned sheepishly.
Sirius made a shooing motion with his hands, “Piss off then, will you? I don’t want to think about you and my brother getting it on, anymore.”
James blew a kiss at the boy, “I love you, Padfoot.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius grumbled affectionately, “I love you, too.”
<>
For as long as the earth had turned, Regulus Black had been in love with James Potter.
It wasn’t something conscious, rather the opposite. He wasn’t even sure how it happened. Love wasn’t something Regulus was all that familiar with, and from the little he did know about it, he wasn't entirely convinced that it was something he wanted to have either.
Love was conditional, dependent on the other person fulfilling what you wanted of them, it wasn’t fair either, nor was it something you should ever expect from someone, but most importantly - love was painful. That was the kind of love Regulus knew, and the only kind he had ever experienced. That was the love his parents held for him and Sirius.
Walburga loved Regulus as much as Regulus was a good son, as much as Sirius was a respectable heir - those were the conditions for her love. When they failed her, she took that love away, because there was no expectation that just because she was their mother, and they her sons, that she would love them regardless.
That was how it worked.
The natural consequence of disappointing her was punishment - and so Regulus had learnt that love was meant to hurt, and that was justified. Love was something to be earnt, not handed out sparingly, and if he did not fulfil the end of his bargain he should expect nothing less than that, than what he deserved.
And so Regulus had been terrified of James, because for the first time in his life he’d felt love differently, and there was nothing he hated more than change - than to go in blind to something.
Of course Regulus loved his brother, but that wasn’t the same. The kind of love he had for James was something else entirely - it was uncontrollable, demanding and the kind of feeling the boy couldn’t escape from no matter how hard he tried. Regulus loved Sirius because he was his brother, but he loved James like he was the oxygen to his soul. How someone had come to mean that much to him, he wasn’t sure.
But from the moment Regulus had locked eyes with James, he’d known. Despite only being eleven at the time, riddled with nerves for his first day at Hogwarts, clutching onto Sirius’ hand like his life depended on it, he’d taken one look at those warm, brown eyes shielded by thick lenses, and he’d known.
James had smiled like the sun, a beaming grin taking over his whole face, and affectionately ruffled Regulus’ hair, saying, “He’s like the cute version of Sirius!” Regulus had turned a deep shade of scarlet and Sirius had shouted a string of profanities in offence as a result.
That was the day Regulus realised love wasn’t conditional, because James could've never spoken another word, ignored him for the rest of his time at Hogwarts, and Regulus would’ve loved him all the same. It didn’t matter what James Potter did, Regulus’ heart had already decided what it wanted.
And so he loved. Regulus loved unconditionally, no expectation of reciprocation, not even a hope of anything more than a friendship, and he’d learnt what it truly meant to care for someone, not in the way his mother had taught him, but in the way the world had shown him.
Regulus admired everything there was about James Potter. From his supercilious nature, to his over-bearing heart and charismatic charm - he loved everything. The sun could disappear one day and yet James Potter’s smile would be enough for Regulus not to notice the darkness in the presence of such light.
And he’d been happy admiring from a far, keeping his distance out of fear of being discovered, worried that Sirius would despise him for it. As much as Regulus would never admit it, he enjoyed the company of Sirius’ friends and he wasn’t prepared to lose that. Even more so, Regulus couldn’t risk losing his brother for a second time.
So he’d kept it to himself, his own little secret, only telling Barty - his closest friend at Hogwarts. But now, Regulus found himself in the unfortunate position where the entirety of Hogwarts probably knew, and it was no one’s fault but his own.
Regulus was, and had always been, and would probably forever be, pathetically in love with James Potter.
He huffed and snapped the potions book shut in his lap, tired of pretending to be interested in the pages in front of him. After the meeting with McGonagall Regulus had done exactly as he’d planned - hide out in his dorm. Luckily it was the weekend, otherwise the boy was sure he’d have been in even more shit for skipping classes, but he had to admit it was getting rather boring.
Regulus leaned back against the head board of his bed, it was times like this when he wished the Slytherin common room wasn’t located in the dungeon - what he would give to gaze out a window, watching the world turn from the comfort of his own room. The boy was just about to rest his eyes when a frantic knock on the door made him jump out of his skin.
Regulus sat up and glared, as if the person on the other side of it would somehow be able to see his annoyance. It must’ve been Barty, Regulus had sent him out to grab some food from the Great Hall for dinner, the boy was ravenous but he wasn’t about to show his face in public just yet.
“If you haven’t got any food you can piss off,” Regulus called out, expecting to hear Barty shout back at him and barge in anyway, but when he was met with a resounding silence he frowned.
“Barty?”
Someone cleared their throat.
“Um, Regulus?”
Regulus froze, all the blood in his body ran cold and he gasped. It was James fucking Potter.
James was here, outside his room.
There had been plenty of fantasies involving James Potter outside of his dorm, but now that those dreams were becoming a reality, Regulus didn’t feel nearly as pleased as he thought he would.
He had already spoken, the older boy would know he was in there, he was trapped. Fuck - did he know? Who was Regulus kidding, of course James would know - why else would he be cornering the boy in his own dorm for Merlin's sake?
He fumbled around on his bed for a moment, desperate to escape whatever the fuck was about to happen, he found himself wishing for a window again - this time for an entirely different reason.
“Regulus?” James called through the door again, “Can we talk - please?”
There was no escape, Regulus had to accept his face.
“Just a second,” Regulus practically squeaked out, throwing on his Quidditch jumper and scrambling to his feet. He took another few seconds working up the courage to actually walk to the door, and to glance in the mirror briefly on his way there, before finally opening it.
Regulus’ eyes landed on a slightly out of breath, but very much still dashingly handsome, James Potter. He sucked in a sharp breath just at the sight of him, forgetting how to function for a moment as he always did when he was in the older boy's presence.
James stared at him for a moment, his eyes running over Regulus’ face before travelling down his body as well. Regulus resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny, James had such an intense look in his eyes it was rather unnerving.
“Hi.” James breathed, and there was that stupid smile again. They stood so close, closer than normal, and Regulus struggled to keep his composure as he could practically feel the other boys breathe on him.
“Hi,” Regulus just about managed to choke out.
“Can we talk?” James repeated, something eager in his voice that made Regulus feel uneasy.
“What about, Potter?”
James stuffed his hands into his pockets, “I think you know, Regulus.”
Shit. Regulus did know he was just really hoping he was somehow wrong.
He decided not to reply, instead moving to hold the door open, gesturing for the boy to enter, to which James did. Regulus let the door close behind them, leaving the two of them in an awkward silence - he had never wanted the ground to swallow him up more than he did in that moment.
James took a moment to gaze around the room before sighing, turning back to face the other boy, “I know you did the map.”
Regulus shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, hoping pretending to be at ease would actually make him feel at ease - it didn’t. All hope wasn’t lost however, Regulus still had the chance to convince him he had nothing to do with the map.
“How have you reached that conclusion then, Potter?” Regulus eyed him curiously and crossed his arms.
James blinked slowly at him, “Well…everyone did kind of see you and Barty get called into McGonagall’s office earlier.”
Regulus wanted to throttle Barty - he fucking knew someone was going to see them, he’d warned the other boy himself but to no avail, they’d been seen. The damage had been done.
When being backed into a corner Regulus did the only thing he knew how to do - bite.
The younger boy rolled his eyes, “I could’ve been in there for any reason, though I’m not quite sure what business that is of yours.”
James narrowed his eyes, “I think if you weren’t in there for the map you would’ve said so by now, or, you know, opened the conversation with ‘Hey James! It wasn’t me who did it!’ - don’t you think?”
Regulus hated when people made good points - especially when it was James, who looked way too smug as he stood in front of Regulus.
“You’ve got an attitude problem, did you know that?” Regulus jabbed, though apparently James found this amusing rather than offensive.
He grinned at Regulus, eyes sparkling with mischief as they almost always did, “You’ve got a problem with lying - did you know that?”
Regulus practically growled at him. He’d rather James just got it over with, kicked him to the curb in one harsh sentence and then pissed off, why did he have to drag it out? He surely knew about the map and was here to have his fun about it, Regulus just wished he would get it over with already.
“So,” James continued, sitting down to perch on Regulus’ trunk at the end of his bed, “seeing as I know you did the map, care to explain something to me?”
Regulus glared at where he sat, sarcasm dripping from his every word, “Oh yes, do you have a seat - make yourself at home.”
“Thanks, I will.” James replied back cheerily, and if he didn’t look so overwhelming gorgeous Regulus would have hexed him there and then.
“Insufferable.”
James smirked, an amused expression on his face, “Destined - what does that mean to you?”
Regulus stiffened almost instantly, and he suddenly felt exposed in just his jumper and black slacks he was wearing. He glanced away from the older boy, unable to bear the look on his face - the prick was enjoying his torment.
“It was a joke,” Regulus lied, a bite in his voice as he dropped his arms to his sides, “Barty’s idea actually - hilarious, I know.”
It was a cop-out, of course, and not the most believable answer in the world but it was better than admitting the truth. Regulus would sooner kiss Slughorn than risk getting rejected by his brother's best friend.
James shifted on the trunk, “Is that true?”
Something in his voice made Regulus glance up, almost involuntarily, he couldn’t help it when it came to James, it was like his body was on auto-pilot. He was taken aback to find James' mask of amusement had deflated into something more inscrutable.
His smirk had dropped, brow now drawn together - half forming a frown that cast a gloomy look over his whole face. Regulus found himself a little speechless, distracted by how sad James looked. He almost feel bad, until he remembered why James was there in the first place.
Regulus clenched his fists hard enough to feel his nails digging into the skin of his palms. His feelings clearly weren’t as hilarious for James if they were just a joke, no, he wanted the map to be serious - it would make a better joke, Regulus was sure.
“Regulus, is…” James faltered, something desperate in his eyes, he sounded dejected, “was it just a joke?”
Regulus felt his pulse quicken, suddenly he regretted throwing on a jumper because the room was suffocatingly hot. He couldn’t think straight - not whilst James was looking at him with those eyes, wide and desperate and…and everything that Regulus had dreamt about. It didn’t make sense - none of it made any sense.
“Why are you doing this?” Regulus whispered, unable to mask the hurt in his voice.
“Regulus,” James said his voice like a prayer, “please, I need to know-”
James stood up and took a step towards Regulus, his hands outstretched, but Regulus took a step back. It was all too much, it didn’t make sense. James’ face fell and Regulus wanted to punch him. It was cruel, it was all so cruel.
“You’re being mean.” Regulus clenched his jaw tightly, willing the burning behind his eyes to go away.
The look on James’ face grew more confused, “What? I just want to know-”
Regulus screwed his eyes, he wasn’t about to embarrass himself like this, not when that was clearly exactly what James wanted. He swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head weakly.
“Stop it, just stop.”
“Stop what? Tell me what I’m doing wrong,” James pleaded, for whatever reason Regulus didn’t know, but he’d had enough of it. The joke was over.
“Just fuck off, Potter,” Regulus snapped suddenly, meeting James’ gaze, angry tears beginning to well in his eyes, “I get it, okay? It’s embarrassing for me and hilarious to you - laugh it up.”
There was a look of pure panic in James’ face that only fuelled Regulus’ rage, he reached out again, hands hovering awkwardly between them.
“I don’t - I don’t understand,” James stumbled over his words, his cheeks strangely flushed, “I…so you meant it? It wasn’t a joke?”
“Of course I fucking meant it!”
Silence.
“There!” Regulus threw his arms up in exasperation, a distinct crack in his voice when he spoke, “I’ve admitted it - are you happy now, Potter? You can piss off and make fun of me to all your little friends, isn’t that what you wanted?”
“No.”
“Exactly, I hope it was wor-” Regulus cut himself off sharply, “wait, what?”
James shook his head slowly, eyes watery, “No, I never wanted that.”
Regulus’ mouth went dry. He swallowed, his voice scratchy, “Then why…why are you here?”
“I came here for you, Regulus.” James breathed, and Regulus’ entire world stopped.
James stepped closer, their faces only inches apart. Regulus could smell the boy’s cologne, see every freckle on his face and he felt like he was suffocating, choking on everything that was James. His chest rapidly fell up and down with each shaky breath he took, unable to look away from James Potter and his warm, brown eyes.
“Wha - What?” Regulus couldn’t speak, his words came out raspy and breathless, mingling in the air between them.
James reached forward, and Regulus shuddered as he felt the boy's hand touch his own, and then gently intertwine their fingers together. His lips parted as he stared up at James, who looked back at him with that same, beaming smile. This wasn’t real, none of this could be real - Regulus had to be dreaming.
“I needed to know if you meant it - the map.”
Regulus’ breath hitched, “Why?”
“Because I feel the same,” James whispered, his voice tender and eyes burning with passion, “I want you, Regulus, if - if you’ll still have me.”
And in all the years Regulus had spent loving James from afar; the expectation of nothing in return, those words were something he never thought he'd hear outside his dreams. The weight they carried and how they made Regulus feel, they were suffocatingly beautiful.
“You do?” Regulus found himself saying, his eyes frantically searching the other boys for any sign that it was all a joke - a horrible, cruel prank that he’d never hear the end of. But he found nothing, nothing but love.
Luckily, James didn’t leave Regulus guessing for long.
In one, swift motion, James cupped Regulus’ cheek, tilting the boy’s face up as he leant down, their lips meeting in the middle. Everything around Regulus went hazy, but James, James was there, guiding him through the fog.
It was slow and soft at first, their mouths moulding together like a jigsaw falling into place, as if they were never supposed to be anywhere other than with each other. Regulus’ hands found their way into James’ hair and he pulled gently on the curls, enticing a low whine from the back of the other boy's throat. The sound made Regulus shudder with desire and James’ hands slid down to the boy's waist, gripping and pulling him impossibly closer. Regulus dared to trace James’ smooth lips with his tongue, pleased when the other boy wasted no time in allowing him access, before pulling Regulus flush against him.
He felt light-headed, Regulus was overwhelmed by the smell, and taste and sensation of James James James that he could feel over his entire body. James held his face with such care, like Regulus was fragile and could break at any moment, but he kissed like his life depended on it.
And it was perfect.
James pressed their hips together and this time it was Regulus’ turn to gasp at the contact because he wanted this. James wanted him. They kissed like they'd never get another chance, hands grabbing and tongues dancing, and Regulus never wanted it to stop - he never wanted to feel anything else but this.
Reluctantly, they had to pull apart for air, both dizzy and high on a cloud of desire for the other. James kept one hand looped around Regulus’ waist as they took a moment to catch their breath, not letting the boy stray too far from him, and Regulus could hardly complain.
A moment passed of silence and Regulus suddenly found himself feeling shy. He’d just kissed the living daylights out of the boy he’d been in love with since he was eleven.
He felt the heat rise to his cheeks and glanced away from James, a breathless laugh escaping his swollen lips.
James gazed down at him, hair tossed and pupils blown wide, his voice still a touch breathless, “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”
Regulus glanced back up at him, a teasing smile of his own on his face, “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Mhm, is that so?” James frowned, humour glinting in his eyes, “That’s funny because Sirius told me you’ve had a crush on me since you were eleven.”
Regulus’ entire face dropped and he stiffened in James’ grip, causing the older boy to let go almost immediately, his hands nervously hovering above his waist where they’d been resting seconds earlier. Fuck - Regulus had completely forgotten about his brother.
“What - what is it?” James asked frantically.
“Sirius,” Regulus answered, his eyes wide and fearful, “he’s going to kill me.”
James’ shoulders sagged in relief - the boy must’ve been worried he’d done something wrong. Regulus felt a pang of guilt in his heart at making him panic like that. James chuckled awkwardly and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.
“Well, he almost killed me, so I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about. Slightly anti-productive to kill the person he’s protecting, don’t you think?”
Regulus choked on nothing. “I beg your pardon?”
“You should’ve seen him when he saw that map, dear God, I’ve never seen him so angry before. Count your lucky stars that I lived to tell the tale,” James joked, but his voice sounded genuinely relieved at the fact.
“He was angry with you?” That wasn’t right - Sirius was supposed to be angry with Regulus, if anything, not with James, that didn’t make any sense.
James frowned like it was obvious, “Of course, he accused me of betraying him by, and I quote, ‘fucking his baby brother’ behind his back.”
Regulus’ whole face wrinkled with disgust, “Gross, I thought he’d be upset with me.”
“Why?”
“For having a crush on his best friend, of all people.”
“Oh no - I think he understands the appeal,” James’ hands found their way to Regulus’ hips again, a teasing glint in his eyes, “I am insanely attractive after all.”
Regulus rolled his eyes even though his heart screamed yes. “Prat.”
“Sirius was just being protective over you, like he always is,” James said casually.
“He is?” Regulus couldn’t help the surprised tone of his voice, was Sirius really that defensive over him?
“Duh - how do you think I felt when you came back in fourth year all, you know, gorgeous and mysterious and mean - knowing Sirius would have me dead in a second if I so much as looked at you in that way,” James admitted, lifting a hand to softly brush a dark curl out of Regulus’ face.
“Mean?” Regulus couldn’t help but smile fondly at the boy, only James Potter would find someone being mean, an attractive feature.
“Yeah,” James said whistfully, his eyes glazed over as he reminisced, “something about the way you insulted me was just so…hot.”
“Really?” Regulus felt the warmth pool in his stomach.
James made a face like what he was saying was obvious, “I mean you could’ve walked all over me and I would’ve apologised.”
Regulus smirked, reaching out to tug gently of James' tie, “I didn’t know that was such a turn on for you, Potter.”
James' pupils darkened in a way that made Regulus' knees feel weak. “Call me that again and see what happens.”
Unfortunately, Regulus didn’t get to find out what would happen, as Barty chose that exact second to come barrelling through the door, his arms full of an assortment of different foods - ranging all the way from cottage pie to jelly.
“Reg, I’ve got us a feast for toni- fucking shit, Potter!”
Regulus jumped at the interruption and if it hadn't been for James’ firm hands around his waist, he surely would’ve stumbled to the floor. He whirled around to shoot daggers at the boy, for both scaring and disturbing him when he was rather busy. It was like the universe had a vendetta against Regulus - would he ever get a moment of peace? James, bless his heart, smiled sheepishly, awkwardly waving over at Barty.
“Hi,” James greeted as Barty gaped at him, eyes bouncing between him and Regulus.
“Reg,” Barty said slowly, eyes wide, “I think I’m in one of your wet dreams.”
James snorted out a laugh at the same time as Regulus shrieked, his cheeks flushing an impossible shade of red.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Regulus seethed at the other boy, hands clenching into fists at his sides as the heat rose to his face. For not the first in recent passing, he debated killing Barty with his bare hands.
“Better question,” Barty replied, nodding towards James, eyes finally settled on Regulus, “what is James Potter doing in our dorm room?”
When Regulus didn’t answer immediately, James piped up, clearing his throat awkwardly.
“Yeah - sorry about that, Crouch,” he apologised. By the look on James’ face and the undeniable swell of Regulus' lips, Barty seemed to put the pieces together, his face breaking out in a wide grin that could only bring Regulus more grief.
“Oh,” Barty barked out a laugh, much to Regulus’ displeasure who continued to scowl in annoyance at the boy, “I see.”
Regulus took the opportunity to help himself to some of the food still piled up in Barty’s arms. He took a load off the boy and dumped it on his bed, a vast collection of meats and vegetables folded up neatly into napkins.
“Yes, well, thanks for the food - you can go now,” Regulus said once he was done, eager to send his friend on his way.
Barty was still staring at James in awe, “Fucking told you not to worry about the map didn’t I, Reg?”
James turned to pout at Regulus in a rather adorable manner, “You were worried?”
“No! Well, yes - that’s not the point!”
“He’s been shitting himself the past 24 hours,” Barty added unhelpfully.
“I have not!” Regulus protested.
Barty turned to James, a relieved sigh escaping him, “I’m so glad you like him back, I’ve had to deal with him talking about you for the last 5 years - can you imagine what I’d have to put up with if you broke his heart too-”
Regulus lunged at Barty, slapping a hand over the boy’s mouth before he could reveal anything else that might embarrass Regulus further. He started to push the two of them towards despite how much resistance Barty put up - grumbling behind Regulus’ hand and flailing his arms about.
“I think that's enough from you today, Barty,” Regulus gritted out between his teeth as he shoved the boy towards the door, “it’s time to go.”
“Hmmfgghh.” Was the sound that came from Barty’s mouth in response, muffled by Regulus’ hand. James watched the scene with mild amusement as Regulus finally got Barty to the door - giving his friend a harsh shove out the room before slamming it in his face.
“I swear to god, Regulus, if you fuck on my bed I’ll kill you!” Barty yelled from behind it before the sound of angry footsteps retreating could be heard. Regulus, with his back still turned to James, leant his forehead against the wooden panels with a resounding thud, too embarrassed to turn around and face the older boy.
“Aw, you-”
“Don’t.” Regulus stopped the boy, head still against the door, “Just don’t.
And James laughed, the most heavenly sound in the world, and for the first time in a long time, despite Barty’s antics, everything felt perfect.
After a moment he turned to face James, who was gazing at him with the fondest look in his eyes that Regulus felt entirely undeserving of. Suddenly none of the embarrassment he felt mattered.
“You’re cute when you’re annoyed,” James teased.
“Still the cute version of Sirius, then?” Regulus quipped back as James took a step towards him.
“Yeah,” James gazed down at him, a smile tugging on his lips, “you are,” he said, before sealing it with another kiss.
Regulus never thought he would have been so grateful for a stupid map.