Chapter Text
"Reki," Langa's voice broke the silence between them, "Are you alright?"
He'd been spacing out, not paying enough attention to the world around him to notice the worried look that Langa was giving him for the last ten or so minutes.
"I'm fine," Reki shook his head, returning his attention back to his bento, "Just tired, y'know?"
"Yeah…" Reki couldn't see Langa's face, but already knew his expression. He knew Langa's brow was pinched, he knew Langa's lips were pressed into a thin line, and he knew his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, were flooded with that beaten down, worried look.
The rest of their lunch was… quiet, to say the least. Things had been different, Reki knew it was in no small part thanks to his… change in attitude. Langa was worried, but there really was no reason for him to worry. He was soaring higher and higher among the stars of skaters, why would he turn around to look at Reki? He was doing amazing… and Reki couldn't help but feel… jealous.
He'd had to settle his jealousy in a deep pit of his stomach. That empty feeling in his chest never seemed to fade, hell, it only seemed to get worse when he was around Langa… when he was around skating. It was getting to a point that Reki was starting to question if it was even worth being around his best friend… He knew he wasn't being a good friend himself, he knew Langa deserved someone who could give him his all and not be held back by some petty jealousy. It was stupid! Reki was acting like a child! He should have been happy or proud or excited for Langa but all he felt instead was that horrible feeling of emptiness within him.
The bell rang and the two made their way back to class. The minutes ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace, it made Reki want to rip his head off. He saw the way Langa was trying to sneak glances at him, he wasn't a fool to the worry on Langa's face… he knew…
As they left school, Reki nearly forgot to wait for Langa, who had to chase after Reki for a second to even catch his attention. It was obvious Langa wanted to say something, but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. His eyes searched Reki's face for something — anything! But it didn't seem like he found what he was looking for, his face falling.
Reki turned away. He didn't like the look in Langa's eyes, didn't like that horrible, pained look that his friend kept giving him. He knew Langa was upset, he knew he was the reason for his friend's discomfort but he just couldn't understand why…
It all felt so stupid.
"Are you coming to S today?" Langa asked tentatively, riding closer to Reki than he usually did.
"Is that all you ask about?" Reki muttered under his breath.
"What..?"
"Mm… nothing, never mind," Reki shook his head lightly, "No, I won't. I'm busy."
"Oh…" Langa's face fell, "Right, sorry."
Reki didn't reply.
They passed by Langa's house. He slowed down and said his goodbyes to Reki, who barely even slowed to see his friend off. Reki ignored the way Langa's eyes lingered on him as he started to skate off back home. He had to ignore it… he had to ignore it along with that horrible twisting feeling in his stomach…
Once Reki reached his home, he went straight to his room. His mom welcomed him home, but she didn't get much of a reply. Reki felt bad… he felt bad for ignoring Langa, he felt bad for not going to S, he felt bad for brushing his mom off… there was just so much for him to feel bad about…
He had work soon, so it wasn't like he could wallow in his own self pity all afternoon as he had done just the day before. Once it was time, he started to get ready and made his way to the shop. He helped where he could but… nothing much needed to be done, it wasn't like anything ever really needed to be done there, let alone need his help… but it all felt so empty without Langa. They usually worked on the same days, but recently, their schedules had been changed up a bit. Maybe Langa was giving him space… who knows… certainly not Reki.
Once his shift was over, Reki left without saying much else. He didn't like the worried looks he got from his manager… it seemed to be the way everyone was looking at him recently. After Reki left, he didn't really know where he was going. His legs were taking him somewhere, walking absentmindedly. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to see Langa, he didn't want to go to S… he just… didn't know what to do.
Before he knew it, Reki was in front of Joe's restaurant. He blinked a few times before he was able to make sense of where he was. He didn't know why he went there of all places, it wasn't like Joe would really be all too much of a help, but he might as well stay and eat, right? Well, they were closing soon, so maybe not.
Reki pushed the door open and stepped in, a little bell at the top of the door rang signaling that someone had stepped inside.
"Sorry," Joe's voice yelled from the kitchen, "Kitchen's closed for the night, we're not taking new customers."
Reki stood there for a second, he knew Joe couldn't see him, but it wasn't really like that mattered or changed anything, but it still hurt to be turned away... It took him far longer than it should have for Joe's words to register in his head.
"Oh, Sorry," Reki turned around and started to make his way out before Joe popped his head out of the kitchen.
"Reki?" His brow furrowed as he dried his hands with a towel and made his way towards Reki. There weren't too many people still inside the restaurant, mostly regulars who already knew who Reki and everyone else was. "You alright, kid? Go, sit, I'll make something for you."
He paused, turning around and looking up at Joe with a dazed expression. Joe's face was getting increasingly more and more worried. Reki's reaction time had been slow recently, almost embarrassingly so… this seemed to be no different.
"Reki," Joe patted him on the shoulder and Reki jumped.
"Oh, yeah, thanks" Reki tried his best to smile but it all just felt so awkward…
He made his way towards the table and sat down. The last few customers were starting to leave, thanking Joe for their meals. Reki sat there watching as one by one, the others in the restaurant left until Reki, Joe, and a few workers were the only ones left.
The workers were cleaning up the kitchen as Joe slid a plate in front of Reki. He pulled out a chair and sat himself next to the teenager. The restaurant was quiet for the most part, only the sound of dishes being washed filled the silence.
"So, Reki," Joe's voice broke the somewhat awkward silence between them, "What's going on?"
"I don't know what you mean," Reki replied with a mumble as he twirled the pasta around his fork.
"Like hell you don't," Joe pinched his brow, "You haven't been coming to S, I heard from Langa that you're spacing out more than usual, and I saw that for myself, you’re not doing well." Joe's voice was insistent, almost harsh. Something like annoyance mixed with worry was written all over the chef's face.
"Aren't we not supposed to talk about… S… in public," Reki muttered, his eyes glued to his plate.
"Like that matters now!" Joe exclaimed, "We're worried Reki, and I just want to know what's going on, dammit!"
Reki flinched. Joe noticed and bit the inside of his cheek, reeling himself in. He took a sharp breath in through his nose and forced his muscles to relax.
"Is it Adam?" Joe finally asked.
Reki tensed, his entire body recoiling at just the name. It wasn't like he was scared of Adam, no… it was something different, something deep inside him that just… hated that name… that man. It wasn't the usual kind of hate, not the hatred that Reki should have felt, not a hatred of anger, but a hatred born of something else… something Reki really didn't want to acknowledge.
"So it is about that douche," Joe sighed, his elbows going to rest on the table. Reki could feel the way Joe was staring at him, judging him. "You can't let that asshole get in your head, I know he's annoying to deal with, believe me, but when it comes to skating—"
"It's not about skating!" Reki hissed, his eyes snapping to Joe's.
Reki's eyes were wide and wild, his shoulders hiked up to his ears as he stared down the man in front of him. He was breathing heavily. For a moment, Joe looked surprised, but that surprise soon melted into worry, his eyes softening as he looked at Reki. Reki shrunk down on himself, his hands clenching into fists on the table.
"Then," Joe's voice was calm, not a hint of anger to be found, "What is this about?"
"I… I don't know," Reki's eyes returned to his food.
"Just tell me what's on your mind, then," Joe's voice softened. He allowed a few beats to pass before adding, "I'm not gonna judge you."
Reki took another bite of food. The silence that followed, Reki just didn't have the words.
"Is it about Langa?" Reki tensed again, he certainly was making it pretty easy for Joe to read him, "Ah… are you bugged by Langa racing Adam?" Reki winced again and Joe let out a low hum. "Are you jealous? It's fine if you are. I can understand that. Especially with Adam's views on skating, it's like some sort of ritual for him, though not really a romantic one…"
"It annoys me… Langa… he broke his promise, he told me wouldn't go up against Adam… but that's exactly what he's doing!" Reki was speaking faster than his brain could keep up, "It doesn't help that he's become such a good skater! I'm happy for him, I really am! But… seeing him do so well while I'm just… here… I…"
Reki's voice broke and his vision blurred. He felt the warm tears roll down his cheeks, god, he felt so stupid. He didn't get why he was crying. He wasn't sad, not really… he just… felt like crying.
"And then Adam swoops in and races him! It seems like he's the only challenge Langa's got! How can I keep up, stay his friend while he's shooting off and be so damn amazing at everything he tries to do?" A sob tore through Reki, "I just don't get why he still wants to be friends… and I'm so scared he'll realize how much better he is than me! How much better all of you are than I am!"
Reki felt himself be pulled in by Joe, his arms wrapping firm around Reki. He heard himself sob, felt the tears pour out from his eyes as he just sobbed. He didn't know why he was crying so hard, couldn't remember the last time he'd cried this hard. It was embarrassing, but Reki was too out of it to care. The world passed him by, and there Reki was, being held by some random chef who he randomly met at the stupid random skating meet up that he decided to go to oh-so long ago.
It took a few minutes for Reki to calm himself back down. Joe hadn't said a thing, just held Reki tight and let him cry himself dry. The half eaten pasta was cold by the time Reki was done, Joe's shirt was wet from Reki's tears… which only drove the embarrassment home more.
There was a look on Joe's face, like he had realized something that Reki had missed. He was clueless to what it was and how Joe managed to find that something.
"I'm gonna tell you something real personal here," Joe's eyes glided from Reki and over to some of the decorations around his restaurant, "Back when we were younger, when we used to skate with Adam all together, I felt the exact same way that you did, but with Cherry. Adam has this ability to make you feel… less that you are, and he's pretty damn good at doing so. As annoying as Cherry is, he's a pretty damn good skater, same with Adam. They'd skate along back and forth, of course I'd be there, but there was always that feeling of just… not belonging." There was a look on Joe's face… a look so familiar to Reki… it was almost unnerving, "The two just clicked together so well, I always felt like they were the duo in our little trio."
Reki was staring wide eyed at Joe. It was odd seeing a man as strong as him come across so… soft. He was really being honest, really telling Reki about himself… and how he related… It was weird.
"Oh, I was jealous. I hated how I was jealous, it was so annoying," Joe flashed a smile at Reki, "I mean, come on! I was jealous over Cherry's attention," Reki let out a small laugh, he appreciated Joe's attempt to lighten things up, "But, as you know, Adam left. Then it was just me and Cherry. It took a while for me to realize some… other things, things I think you'll relate to but will have to realize on your own."
"What do you mean?" Reki tilted his head.
"I can't tell you how you feel, but I think I can get a pretty clear picture. I think that jealousy is something misplaced," Joe extended his arm and pressed his pointer finger to Reki's chest, just above his heart, "You don't have a reason to be jealous over Adam, Langa would choose you over that douche every day of the week. He just needs to get it out of his system, to win against someone like Adam. He has a challenge, and I think he really wants you there to see him succeed."
Reki was silent for a moment. It wasn't often that Joe would have a heart to heart, it wasn't often that Joe said such kind and philosophical things… but he wasn't wrong, was he?
"I think… I think I get what you mean," Reki nodded slowly, Joe smiling at Reki's words.
"Good," Joe stood up and ruffled Reki's hair, ignoring the kid's grumbles of protest, "Now, you should really be getting home soon. It's dark out, I bet your mom's worried sick."
"Nah, she's fine," Reki stood up and took the mostly empty plate with him, following Joe to the kitchen, "It's not like it's a weird thing for me to come home after dark. I just get distracted."
"Either way, I'll take you home," Joe took the plate from Reki's hands, "I'll be heading out to S anyways, might as well drop you off before I go. I think Langa would have an aneurysm if you got kidnapped… Besides, I feel like I should get to know your mom at least a little bit."
"Please don't flirt with my mom," Reki shuttered at the thought.
"I wasn't planning on it!" Joe scoffed, but Reki could hear the humor in his voice.
Reki sat at a wooden stool while Joe finished up any work that needed to be done before finally turning the lights off and closing up shop.
"Y'know, you should think about coming back to S sometime," Joe said as they started to ride back to Reki's home, "I think it would really make everyone happy to see you again. Especially Langa."
There it was… that squeezing feeling in Reki's chest. Langa… it’s always tied back to Langa. Every time he tried to think of him, tried to talk to him, or even looked at him, it just happened… and it really was starting to bug Reki.
"I just don't think I really belong there," Reki said with a slight laugh.
"What're you talking about?" Joe gave Reki a look, a judgemental one at that.
"You know! I'm just not the best at skating, not like Langa or Adam… Those two are on a completely different world than I am," Reki looked back down at his hands, his eyes tracing all of the left over scars and scratches he'd earned from his years on the board, "Some of the stuff that took me months to learn, Langa managed to do within the week. I'm just not like them."
"Who the fuck are you?" Joe flicked the back of Reki's neck, "Cause you certainly aren't the Reki I know."
"Hey!" Reki yelped, "I'm not wrong… and you know it."
"So what if you can't do those fancy-dancy tricks that Langa and Adam can do?" Joe flung his arms up, "I remember when I first met you, you were the one insisting that skating isn't about who's the best, but rather how much fun you have while doing it." Joe lowered himself to the ground, picking up speed before jumping over a rock on the sidewalk, "Do you have fun while skating?" Joe asked as he turned around to look at Reki.
"I mean, yeah, of course but—"
"Then come back to S!" Joe threw his arms back up, "Who cares if you're the greatest skater in the world when you're out there having fun! That's the point of skating! To have fun! There's no buts about it."
Reki stared at Joe as he pushed the ground with his foot and propelled himself forward. Unlike Joe, he didn't jump over the rock, he just kept going. He sped up slightly, passing up Joe as he skated along in the night. It was almost peaceful, skating like this… it was something he'd missed…
"I'll think about it," Reki murmured.
Joe shrugged, seeming to get that this was probably the best he could do for the time being.
It didn't take all too long to reach Reki's house. The rest of their ride there was quiet for the most part, minimal conversation being exchanged here and there. By the time they finally reached Reki's place, it was pretty late… Joe had been right, his mom had been quite worried…
"Reki! Are you alright?!" His mom practically tackled him into a hug, squishing his face within her hands. Reki could hear Joe chuckling over his mom's reaction.
"I'm fine, Mom," Reki grumbled, managing to wriggle out of his mom's death-grip-hug.
"Thank you for bringing my boy home safely," Reki's mom turned her attention to Joe, who was standing just outside the door, "You should come in and eat dinner with us! It's always nice to have guests!"
"I'm sorry ma'am," Joe bowed, "But I have somewhere to be. I just wanted to make sure Reki got home okay."
"Alright then," Reki's mom nodded, "But feel free to drop by any time. Anyone who's a friend of my boy might as well be family!"
"Mom," Reki hissed, really not enjoying Joe and his mother's conversation. This was a crossover that was never meant to happen in his life, "He has somewhere to be, don't you?"
"Right, right," Joe chuckled, "I'll see you later Reki."
Joe skated off as he waved at both Reki and his mother.
"He seemed like a nice young fellow," Reki's mom laughed, cupping her cheek.
"That's certainly one way to put it…" Reki grumbled under his breath.
"What'd you say?"
"Nothing…" Reki put his skateboard up and walked off to his room, "I already ate, 'night Mom."
"Goodnight Reki," She smiled softly as he waddled back to his room, "I love you…" Her tone was softer… more gentle.
"Yeah, yeah…" Reki groaned, closing his door behind him.
Once again, Reki was alone in his room. It had been the first time in a little while that Reki had spent his day outside with others. He didn't really know what was up… but… he didn't feel as bad… Of course, the thought of going to S and being around Langa made his stomach churn… but for the first time in a few days, that weight that seemed for forever lay on Reki's shoulders was lifted.
He laid himself down on his bed, head resting against his pillow as the soft moonlight shuttered in through his window. It was quiet… It was the first time he'd felt this quiet in quite a while.
Joe's words filtered in his head, swirling back and forth, yet… some part of him couldn't stand the thought of getting back on a board and racing. Hell, he couldn't even properly beat Shadow, let alone Miya, let alone Joe or Cherry, and completely forget about Langa and Adam! It was torture watching them be able to do so much better than himself… while he was just… stuck…
Reki bit the inside of his cheek as he rolled over onto his side. Even in the darkness, he could see every single skate board he owned, every single wheel and part of a board that he had come to cherish. How could something he loves so much cause him so much pain to even look at? Of course he loved skating, of course he loved being on the board… but what else could he do? It was torture. Truly… it was torture.
Suddenly Langa's face flashed into his mind… Reki scoffed, feeling his chest tighten up again just thinking about his friend. He flung his arm over his eyes, trying to get rid of the looming presence of Langa.
It didn't work.