Chapter Text
It's been a few weeks since Tadashi ended up being a concubine for the Emperor.
And so far, it hasn't been terrible.
He truly cannot complain, as he gets fed, has a stable income, and gets treated like a king ( or queen, in this context ). Though the one thing he will never be comfortable with is the way Yachi, his lady in waiting, hovers around him constantly.
Throughout his life, he's always been independent, doing things for himself and learning things the hard way and so far, it's worked out for him.
His usual routine of living was simply made up of trying to survive. Sometimes there were good days where he would get to play with his sister, other days he was barely able to eat for almost a week straight.
But now, he stands in front of a mirror with intricate clothing that fits him and also makes him have this feminine figure— that part is also strange.. and slightly scary considering that if he does one wrong move he may end up dead. — As he stands in front of the mirror, he stares at the makeup Yachi helps him put on everyday. The girl is gentle and sweet, taking care of Tadashi like her life depended on it— which it did, but that's beyond the point.
He was so used to the clothing he used to wear. They were never this frilly, never this colorful. He was lucky if he got to wear the color black for goodness sake. But here he is, in a sage green silk robe that is patterned with these white cherry blossoms. It starts from his neck, slowly trailing down the rest of his body. The silk robe is nice, don't get him wrong, but this kind of clothing style always scares him.
Even when he was a kid he was a bit terrified of women when they wore these clothes. They always seemed so intimidating when they’d walk around his home village.
When talking to Yachi about his clothing, he constantly asked why he had to wear things like this. He soon realized that Yachi was the one to pick it out, as she thought the color fit him and so did the flower.
“You're the intelligent kind, and your true beauty is hidden underneath. That's the meaning of these cherry blossoms, My Lady.” She said softly, brushing his hair with such care that he was almost overwhelmed.
“Hidden beauty?” Tadashi would only whisper.
“We both know what I mean, My Lady.”
Unfortunately, she does know what she means. Afterall, Tadashi is not a female, infact, he's a male. Male concubines aren't exactly unheard of, they are simply rare. But to the public knowledge, Emperor Kei does not like men. Neither does Tadashi.
He's never had interest in anything. But now he does have to consider it because.. well, hes a damn concubine.
In all, his life completely switched.
And yes, he may be getting more comfortable in this lifestyle, ( he's noticed the way he's slowly gaining more meat on his bones. ) but it's still strange. A part of him is enjoying this lavish lifestyle, but the other part of him feels overwhelmed with this sudden change.
He went from poor, rags and dirty living to riches surrounding him. Every so often he’d do a habit that exhibits his true wealth only for Yachi to look at him like he's crazy. She never yells though, no, that is forbidden from a lady in waiting.
He frowned softly as he noticed the way his delicate features popped out thanks to the makeup and clothing he was wearing. He was a bit embarrassed, but he wanted to survive in this place, and if dressing up as a girl means to survive, then so be it. Mankind would do anything to survive, and he too is a part of mankind.
Once he's done staring at himself and wishing to go back to his old life, he hears a soft growl from his stomach. He flushes softly, looking down at his stomach before looking around, noticing the lack of a short, blonde haired girl.
He simply shrugged, placing his arms in his sleeves as he began to stroll around the pavilion.
It was no surprise he ended up in the kitchen.
As mentioned, Tadashi was always independent, he learned to make food early on in his life. The fact that he has an endless resource of food is mouthwatering, yes, but he misses putting effort in making dishes. His life as a concubine, though it's been short, it's also been slightly boring. The only thing he can truly do is stroll around the garden, chat with Yachi, daydream, and play checkers by himself.
But now he has the chance to do one of his favorite hobbies!
So, he got to work.
Which unfortunately only lasted over 10 minutes before he heard the doors slide open with a thud.
With a flinch, Tadashi shot a look behind him, staring at the panting blonde girl who looked manic. Her eyes seemed to calm down at the sight of Tadashi, but she soon grew that panicked look on her face.
“My Lady, what are you doing? You're not supposed to be cooking in those garments— no, you're not supposed to be cooking in general!” She quickly said, rushing over to Tadashi and making sure he hadn't dirtied his clothes— he hadn't, he was better than that.
“Oh— my apologies, Yachi.. I wasn't aware of this rule..” He muttered out softly, looking at the food sizzling on the pan longingly.
Yachi didn't fail to notice the stare, in an instant, she rolled her sleeves up and got to work.
“My Lady, if you were hungry you could have just told me.” Her voice trembled, still running off of adrenaline. “Along with the fact that you were leaving the pavilion in general. I was worried sick when I didn't see you in your room..”
Tadashi sank in on himself. Admittedly, this whole scene was funny in Tadashi’s head, but he did feel a little bad for causing such stress for the poor girl. He sighed softly, bowing.
“My apologies, Yachi.”
She paused, staring at Tadashi before shaking her head and turning her body towards him.
“No, no it's okay, My Lady! It should be me to apologize for my actions, as I should have realized this was around the time you eat something. I should have prepared something for you, I'm sorry for neglecting your needs.” She bowed lower than Tadashi.
Immediately, Tadashi stared down at her bowing, eyes wide as he gulped. He shook his head, closing his eyes.
“No, truly I was just— “
“It's okay My Lady! You can stroll around the pavilion, I'll find you once your food is done and you can eat then!” She quickly went over to Tadashi, shooing him out of the kitchen.
He stood at the now closed entry way, his body slowly deflating. He was actually really upset at that, he misses getting his hands dirty.
But he must conquer on, he supposes.
He straightens his back, remembering that his mother told him that women always have good posture, or, at least they should. He puffed his chest out, the padding at his chest making it seem like he has more tissue there rather than rags he has around his living area.
He cleared his throat, feeling a little sore from the straining of his vocal cords to fake his voice. He hadn't even realized how much effort he had to truly put into this whole alter-ego concubine persona of his. It's embarrassing.
He strolled around the area as Yachi suggested. Despite being around this area a couple of times, he can never grow used to the beauty of the place.
Around the palace, it was not only well structured, but it was also beautiful, nothing he's ever seen before. He can't help but simply be amazed at the intricate details around the palace, constantly touching certain patterns within the walls and poles around the walking paths. This area is a life of lavishness, a life full of wealth.
Somewhere Tadashi doesn't belong.
Still, he cannot get used to this place. It's an area he doesn't belong in, he has no experience and it's noticeable simply by the way he stands.
With a small, sad huff, he simply shook his head, ridding of the negative thoughts within his head. He cannot dwell on things like this currently, maybe when he's in his room but even then its strange.
As he continues his little walk, he sees a small pavilion in the middle of the garden that he hadn't seen till now. In the lantern lit area, there lays a marble table with a marble set of checkers. In an instant, Tadashi perks up as he begins to make his way over to the board.
He sits down, adjusting his gown as he does like Yachi taught him before staring at the board.
It’d been awhile since he played. He remembered that he used to always go around the town and play with the elders whenever he had no other chores to do around the house. Of course, that was when he had more freedom within his parents and was younger.
It was nice to relive the moment though.
He stared at each piece, the world going quiet as he played simply by himself. He didn't mind playing by himself, he felt it was odd to interact with the other concubines, plus, he wanted to lay low so he had a lower chance of being caught as a crossdresser.
Though, there's no point in trying to avoid it. As it's almost futile to try and let things happen within the palace, things are strict here. Surely he’ll be caught one day and simply be beheaded in front of the country. The time never stops for no one, the clock only ticks closer to his death.
His body shivers, the thought snapping him out of his focused mindset. He huffed quietly, pushing his hair out his face and looking down at the board before slowly looking back up.
He noticed the rest of the concubines.
Currently, Tadashi was in the lower ranks. This is because he's only been here for a few weeks, therefore, he's new. Thanks to his dear servant, Yachi, she does have information on a few other concubines that he's surrounded with. Each and everyone of them come from a somewhat well respected background, them having skills in certain things that simply do not interest Tadashi.
Apparently the Emperor is considering that he never visits this Pavilion— Tadashi snickered at that thought. Looking at all of the concubines, they did seem.. Interesting to say the least. Though he's unsure if he can have a proper opinion, he is a biological male afterall.
In his opinion, women like them are.. bland. It's like they are trying to be someone they aren't and that's what Tadashi hates. He wonders if the emperor thinks the same, as he's heard the higher ranking concubines are more authentic.
Even then, the Emperor doesn't touch them. It's strange, truly strange. All of these people are thousands times better than him, people he didn't even think he was allowed to breathe the same air as.
He slowly blanked his mind out as he cleared the small checkered board, rearranging the pieces in intricate ways and being careful with the pieces in fear of breaking them due to the delicate material. He found it interesting how unnecessarily expensive all of these things are. Do they have to get the world's most expensive material for rags? Truly, what is the point, spending money?
He complains as if he isn't enjoying the lifestyle. Though he's hesitant towards everything new to him. Yachi does help greatly with that though.
In a way, Yachi reminds him of his sister.
Though his sister was never this jumpy and what not, she had the same personality as her almost. She was stubborn and kind, just like Yachi. Sure, maybe Yachi needed to be like that because she's her lady in waiting and whatnot, but her actions always seem genuine to Tadashi. Just like his sister.
Soon, he begins to think of the moments he and his sister have had together. He begins to think of how they would mess around with each other every now and then only to stop because their parents got annoyed by their childish behaviors.
He wonders where she is right now. He wonders how she's doing and if she's safe wherever she lands. Deep down, he had this pit of hatred, if she hadn't left, he wouldn't be here. He would be in his home, comfortable and would have the ability to be his proper self.
But he was also thankful this happened, he doesn't want his sister to go through these things. While they weren't too young, only around their late teens, his sister was younger than him, making him her older brother, therefore, he needed to protect her.
It was the opposite at times, Tadashi has never been the strongest. In fact, people around the town used to make fun of the pair because of them noticing how Tadashi was the more feminine one out of the both of them despite his sister being a female. Though he didn't mind the teasing, his sister despised when someone talked badly about Tadashi . He remembers when her face grew red with anger, even he got scared. Now it only makes him laugh longingly.
He misses her.
He stays within this mind set, completely missing the way girls began to fan themselves and force their chest to pop out and be unnaturally large. They were all desperate for attention, of what? Tadashi had no idea.
He continued to wander around in his mind, humming softly despite the memories in his mind not being very pleasant in his opinion.
He missed the way someone stared at him for a moment too long despite having women throwing themselves at him. He missed the way the glance soon turned into a full stare down of intriguedness, like he was interested in him.
His ears were muffled, forcing him to miss the way a man slowly sneaked up on him and stood there for a moment of time.
“Are you seriously playing checkers by yourself?” The voice sounded intrigued, amused, almost.