Chapter Text
Whenever Jimmy's mom talks on the phone, she never stays still. She never sits down and she never leans up against just one wall, instead pacing around the house, going in and out of the back door, free hand reaching out to touch every surface. When there's nothing for her to reach out, she'll pull a strand of a hair out of whatever up-do she has that day and ring tightly it around her finger until her fingernail turns white.
Jimmy figures that she must be in a good mood today because when he gets home she beckons for him, giving him a half side-hug as she listens to someone on the other end of the phone. She mouths a 'hi, sweetie,' or something similar and for a moment it feels like how things were like five years ago. Switching her phone to the other hand, she runs her fingers through Jimmy's hair.
He hasn't yet taken off his backpack or shoes, but he doesn't want to move. Not when this is the first time in months that she's hugged him like this. Of course, it ends sooner rather than later when his mom hangs up and takes a step back from Jimmy to get a better look at him. "How was school?"
"It was real good, Mom." The first day in two weeks that he didn't have to spend an extra hour on campus in detention, which means the first time in two weeks that his dad doesn't have to swing by to pick him up which means that maybe he'll be in a good mood when he comes home, too, and then the three of them can be a family like they used to be for the whole night. "Who were you callin'?"
"Your grandpa called."
If Jimmy had wagered a guess, he would've assumed that it was Grandpa Albert 'cause she's always in a good mood after she talks with him. Which is funny since his dad is always in a worse mood when she talks to him but Jimmy's heard other people's parents complain about in-laws so maybe that's just how it works when you're old and married. "Did you have a good talk?"
"I did," his mom confirms, though Jimmy's pretty sure he already knew the answer. "It had been a while since we had a chance to chat, just the two of us."
"Is he gonna come visit?"
Her mood sours. "Your father doesn't want him to."
"How come?"
"You'll have to ask him that," she replies, giving him a pat on his head. "Though knowing him, he probably won't give you a straight answer."
Jimmy shrugs out of the lingering embrace.
"Set your stuff down. I have some things to talk to you about, okay, Jimmy?"
"Sure, Mom." It's not the first time she's ever said something like that, but usually she's in a much worse mood than she currently is. She doesn't even mind when Jimmy delays further for a quick trip to the kitchen cupboard to grab a snack.
Instead, she waits patiently and pats the seat next to her on the sofa that she'd moved to, phone still in hand, though this time not in the middle of a call. Dropping the phone face down onto the cushion opposite of Jimmy, she starts, "I'm telling you this before your father because I want you to hear it from me first, okay?"
"Okay?"
"I have to go do a few things for Grandpa, so I'm going to have to spend some time away from you and your dad."
"How long?"
"Not long. A week, maximum. It's like a business trip."
"But you don't go on business trips."
"I said it's like a business trip, Jimmy. Not that I am going on one."
"Oh." He thinks about it for a few seconds. "Hey, what about the dogs?"
His mom doesn't miss a beat, "I'm takin' them with me."
"You're takin' them with you? Where are you goin'?"
"I don't know yet. Grandpa's gonna tell me when he knows."
"If you don't know where you're goin', how do you know that you're gonna be able to take the dogs?"
His mom looks down at him with a face that he thinks is found but maybe it's not. "I just do. Are you going to be good for your dad when I'm gone?"
"Yeah, Mom."
"No more fights at school?"
"No more fights at school," he promises her.
"You learned your lesson from detention, did you?"
"Uh, huh." Also TJ has stopped trying to fight Jonnie, so there's no reason for him to fight back, now, but he doesn't mention that part out loud.
Shifting on the couch, his mom tucks a leg under her. "Why'd you start fightin' anyway, Jimmy? Your father told me you did it because of some other kid."
"Yeah, he was gettin' beat up and I thought that it wasn't fair. And- and, you know how Dad protects people? Well, I thought that maybe I could protect people, too."
"Your dad's a cop," she reminds him, as if Jimmy could've forgotten that in the first place.
"I know."
She looks at him for a long time without saying anything, and after about five seconds she sighs. "Next time don't be so stupid about it. You can't be getting caught doing shit like that, you hear me?"
"I hear you," Jimmy nods. The advice is different than his dad's stern warning to not get into any more fights, but Jimmy figures that he can put the two together and try not to get into anymore fights and if he does he'll avoid getting caught. That way it's the best of both worlds and also his parents won't get mad at him again.
"Good. Be good for your father when I'm out, okay?"
"I will."
"And maybe if you're really good your grandpa will get you something."
Jimmy can't help but let his face light up. "Really?"
"Uh, huh."
This time, when Jimmy sets his sack lunch onto the table and climbs onto the bench seat next to Jonnie, his friend doesn't even sigh. He just pushes his tray to the side to make room for the inevitable piece of paper. Jimmy used to ask if he could please help him with his homework but it took too long for Jonnie to explain it so now he just tells Jimmy what to write so it's still in his handwriting.
It's nice that Jonnie's still willing to help him out even though they're not stuck in detention together, but he wishes that he could do something more in return, since Jonnie's still getting beat up. His face looks better than it did last week but the bruise under his eye has started to turn this crazy shade of yellow that makes him look like he's about to turn into a zombie. He said TJ didn't do it and last time Jimmy tried to ask again Jonnie got mad, but he still wishes he knew.
Maybe once it's healed and more time has passed he can ask again and then once Jimmy knows who hurt Jonnie he can make sure to stick by his side whenever they get close to the mystery person and then they won't try again. Even though he's a big guy, Jimmy's not inclined to start wailing on everybody in the school, but he'd do it again for Jonnie if it came down to it. Luckily, it seems like for the most part, just his existence is good enough to keep fists out of Jonnie's face.
Protecting the little guy, just like his dad.
Jimmy shakes his head as if to physically get rid of the thoughts in his head so he can focus at the homework in front of him. He's not even the one doing the hard thinking but he still can't seem to concentrate. It's only until after Jimmy realizes that Jonnie's looking right at him instead of the problem that he might've been spacing out for too long.
He glances back at the page and then to his friend. "Sorry. I think I missed that last part."
"It's fine," Jonnie replies, even though it doesn't really sound like it is. "Just- look, when's it due?"
"Sixth period."
"Today?"
Jimmy nods. "Uh, huh."
There's a look sent his way that he can't quite decipher, but it's close enough to the one that his mom will do when he's somewhere he shouldn't be, so he understands enough of it. Pointing to the next problem, Jonnie says, "Just write down what I say, okay? I won't explain it unless we have time."
"Got it."
While they go through it, Jimmy grips his pencil hard, determined to not let his mind wander again. All he has to do is just listen to Jonnie and write it down and then listen some more and write down more of it. He can do that. It's not that he wants to be stupid, either. Jimmy wants to understand all the things that his classmates seem to, but it's like he's somehow getting a different lesson than everyone else even if he sits in the same room and listens to the same teachers.
"You need both of those numbers below the division line," Jonnie says, pointing to the end bit of the equation and pulling Jimmy out of his head.
"How do you just know these things?"
Jonnie pauses his instructions mid-problem. "I don't just know 'em. I had to learn it."
"Yeah, but how come you're able to learn it? I try to it just doesn't stick."
A beat passes before Jonnie sighs. "I dunno, Jimmy. I guess somethings make sense to some people and not to others."
Which makes sense to him, except for the fact that seems like it makes sense to everybody but Jimmy. It's kinda like all of his classmates have some magic thing in their heads that lets them do math in their heads and understand whole books after reading them for the first time and Jimmy was somehow left out of the magic.
"You put the parentheses in the wrong place," Jonnie says, back on the subject of the question. "It's supposed to have the plus six in there, too."
"Oh." The eraser on Jimmy's pencil is rubbed down to the very end, just like his mom's cigarette's when she gets down to the filter, so he just scribbles out the whole line and rewrites it an inch lower. "Like that?"
"Yeah. And then if you do all that stuff you get fifty four so put fifty four at the bottom."
He follows the instructions to the T. Or, he supposes, to the four. There's no T in a number. "Thanks, Jonnie."
"Whatever," he replies, which is what he always says, except it's no longer tinged with exhaustion and annoyance.
With the last problem done, Jimmy shoves the page back in his back, putting it at the far end of all of the other random papers stuffed in so he can find it when sixth period comes around. It'll probably get crumpled, and sure his mom got him a folder last fall so he'd stop doing this, but then he lost the folder and he hasn't yet told her. Besides, this method worked for all of sixth grade and it turned out fine, so Jimmy probably doesn't need one in the first place.
Dropping his backpack back down at his feet, Jimmy puts his elbows on the cafeteria table. "Have you seen TJ around?"
Jonnie pauses mid-bite, but swallows before he answers. "No."
"Well, good."
"Why? You're not still messin' with him, are you?"
"When have I messed with him?"
Jonnie scoffs. "Try last week? You almost got your nose beat in!"
"But I didn't."
"It was sure fuckin' close. You're playin' with fire, Big Jimmy."
He shrugs back. "TJ knows better than to hit me."
"Wish he'd feel the same way about me."
"That's why I'm stickin' by you!"
Jonnie sends him a sour look. "You don't gotta announce it to the whole school."
"Sorry. But it helped last time, didn't it?"
"We got lucky last time."
"Then maybe we'll get lucky again."
With a scoff, Jonnie mutters back, "I wouldn't count on it."
When he was younger, Jimmy loved riding in his dad's cop car. It made him feel bigger and stronger than he really was, and even when he hit his growth spurt and never seemed to stop growing since then, he still found comfort in riding shotgun next to his dad. Now, with the bars behind him and the tinted windows, he feels more trapped than anything else.
"Did you have a good day at school, kiddo?"
His dried lips crack underneath gnawing teeth. "Yeah."
As if he can tell exactly what Jimmy's holding back, his dad turns to look at him at the next red light. "Did anything happen?"
"No."
"Jimmy."
"I didn't get detention again."
Even after the light turns green, his gaze lingers for a few moments longer. "I didn't ask if-" his dad cuts himself off with a sigh. He stays quiet while he changes lanes, and once he starts up the sentence again it's a whole new one. "I'm glad you didn't get detention again."
"Me, too." Even if he did meet a new friend through it. Actually, Jimmy supposes that he met Jonnie the day before they got detention, even if they did actually get closer and got to spend time together in it. Detention wasn't really all that bad but it's probably the wrong thing to say to his dad so he keeps his mouth shut.
"You know you can tell me if something happened at school, right?"
"Yeah, Dad. And I won't tell your mother if you don't want me to. We can keep it between the two of us."
"But nothing happened."
"Why are you so quiet this afternoon, then?"
Jimmy shrugs, jacket getting caught in the seat belt from the motion. "I dunno. No reason."
"You know I can't help you if you don't tell me."
"It's not anything." It's not even a lie, either. There's nothing that happened at school today that's different than any other day. He and Jonnie ate lunch together and Jonnie helped him with his homework and he went to his classes and didn't really understand anything in them, but that's normal for him. It's all normal.
The only thing that's off is that his mom's not gonna be home when they get home and the kennels are going to be empty. "How come Mom leaves to visit Grandpa Albert so much?"
From his place in the passenger seat, barely a foot away from his dad, Jimmy can clearly see the way his jaw clenches. There's a tendon or blood vessel or something else that Jimmy doesn't know about that seems to pop out of his skin when he's particularly unhappy and he can see it right now.
Awkwardly, meekly, Jimmy offers, "Or we don't have to talk about that."
"Your mom is close with her dad. That's it."
"How come you don't like Grandpa Albert?" He probably could've asked the question with a bit more subtly, but Jimmy's never been good at that.
His dad gives a big sigh and then doesn't even reply immediately after. "It's complicated."
"How come you don't want to tell me?"
"Because it's complicated," he reiterates, even though that's not an actual answer.
"I miss when he used to visit here more often." He'd always bring him and his mom a gift, too. "Do you think maybe he could come over for dinner some time again?"
Another sigh. "I don't know, JJ." And it must be serious, too, if he's pulling out the old nickname again. "I don't want him around you. Or your mother, but God knows I can't stop that from happening."
Jimmy can feel his eyebrows furrow without him even trying to. "But that's her dad. Why would you not want them to see each other?"
"Like I said, kid, it's complicated. And we're not getting into it. Not tonight, okay? Why don't we- look, why don't we change the subject, okay?"
Something in him itches to argue back with his dad, but it's barely been a week since he got done with detention and Jimmy knows that his dad was disappointed with him in that and he really doesn't want him to be disappointed with him again, so he bites the inside of his mouth to stay quiet until he finds something else to ask about. "…How was work?"
He must've said the wrong thing again since his dad doesn't seem happy about the attempt to change the topic. "It was fine."
"Are you annoyed with me, Dad?"
His dad does a double take, face softening for the first time all night. "No, JJ. I'm not annoyed at you- never at you, okay?"
"But you are annoyed?"
"It's been a long few- yes. Yeah."
"Oh." It's probably a good thing that Jimmy hasn't gotten in any more fights or detention. But maybe if he talks about the good things in his day it'll help his dad with his bad day. "You know how I told you about how now I eat lunch with Jonnie now?"
"The kid you got detention with, yeah."
"He's not just the kid I got detention with." Besides, if the principal were fair, only TJ and his friends would've gotten in trouble.
"No, no, you're right. He was also the kid that you got in a fight for."
"I haven't fought since then. But, Dad, that's not what I was gonna say."
His dad waves at him to continue. "Go on, then."
"Now we sit next to each other in history."
"Yeah? Well, good for you. As long as he doesn't rope you into fighting with your classmates."
Jimmy gives him a tired look. "He's not gonna. He's not even the one who starts the fights! And I don't think he'd even tell me about it 'cause last week he came in with his face all busted up and he wouldn't even tell me who did it to him."
This, apparently, seems to catch his dad's attention. Even more than Jimmy's promise to not get into any more fights. "It wasn't from the same—who was it? T-something?"
"TJ. The t stands for 'Theodore' but I dunno what the j is."
"It's probably junior," his dad says, but shakes his head immediately after. "That's not important. Is your friend getting beat up often?"
"Well, I Don't know what counts as often."
Motioning to his own face, he clarifies, "Does his face ever heal up?"
Jimmy cocks his head to the side as he thinks about it. "I guess kinda." Like most conversations with his parents, he knows that they're trying to get at something, but they never outright tell Jimmy what it is so then they're always stuck in a back and forth where nothing makes sense. Or maybe Jimmy's just too stupid for it and it makes perfect sense to them.
"Why don't you invite him over for dinner one of these nights?"
"What?" The word comes out of his mouth like it was instinct, and Jimmy himself doesn't even comprehend the question or his answer for another few seconds. When it does finally click, he repeats his answer for a second time. His dad never wants people over.
"Yeah, you know. He's your friend, right?"
"Uh huh."
"First one you've had in a while. Invite him 'round, your mom and I can meet him."
"You've already met him," Jimmy reminds him, but then he regrets it a second later 'cause that'll make his dad think of the fighting and his dad's not happy about the fightin'.
His dad shrugs back. "Meet him properly, then, you know?"
"Sure," Jimmy replies, even though he doesn't really.
Partially by accident but partially because Jimmy knows that Jonnie rides his bike to school and has to go to the bike racks before leaving, Jimmy finds his friend before he leaves to go home from school. He doesn't even look that annoyed at him, just surprised, mostly.
Pausing his spinning through his bike lock code, Jonnie arches an eyebrow at him. "Hey, Big Jimmy."
Whatever he was going to start the conversation with immediately goes out of Jimmy's head. "Everyone calls me that and I don't even know when it really started."
"I dunno either. I guess when you got, y'know."
"Big."
Jonnie waits a beat before confirming, "Yeah."
"I guess that makes sense. It just kinda came out of nowhere, you know? I thought if I ever had a nickname it'd be 'cause I did something cool. Actually, I have another nickname, too. My dad calls me 'JJ' sometimes since apparently he wanted to name me Johnny like him and- hey! If he had done that we'd have the same name."
"That'd make it confusing."
"Yeah, it would. But then maybe I'd be called 'Big Johnny.'"
His friend makes a face at the plausible nickname, and Jimmy's inclined to agree with it.
"It doesn't sound as good as Big Jimmy, does it?"
"Not really," Jonnie confirms before going back to his lock and sliding the remaining three numbers to their correct position.
The bike looks fairly beat up but seeing the way that Jonnie handles it, practically ripping it from its position from the metal fixture, Jimmy isn't surprised. "Are you going home, now?"
A beat, and then, "Yeah. School's done- where else would I be going?"
"I don't know."
"Is your dad not picking you up?"
"He is, but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to have dinner at my house. Not today since it's a school night but maybe some other day?"
Jonnie's movements still, bike tucked close against his body. "I don't think that's a good idea, Jimmy."
"Why not?"
"'Cause I don't think your dad likes me. I'm the reason you got detention."
He can't help but let a small smile come to his face. "Actually, it was his idea! So he definitely doesn't not like you. Wait-" as he parses through his words, Jimmy squints. "'Doesn't not' is the same as 'does,' so then he does like you. Yeah!"
"Or he's just trying to get me in the house to yell at me."
"My dad wouldn't do that. My mom might, but she's not the one who said it would be a good idea to have you over for dinner."
"Your mom yells at you?"
"Mostly she yells at my dad. And then he yells back, which makes them both just keep going until one of them leaves the house. But sometimes if she's really annoyed at me she'll yell at me."
Jonnie slumps down, halfway perched against the bike rack. "Mine, too. Well, mostly my dad. And my brother. Kind of everyone." He winces as if they were going at it in front of him this very moment. "It's fine, though."
"If you came over they wouldn't yell. They're good about it when they're around other people." Not that they've had a ton of guests over, usually it's just family and occasionally some of his dad's friends from the police station, but whenever people are over his parents are good at acting like they never raise their voices at each other.
Pressing further, Jimmy reiterates, "You should come over for dinner! I could show you my room."
"Like I said, Jimmy, I really don't think it's a good idea."
"Please?"
"Why do you care so much?"
In all actuality, Jimmy's not entirely sure. It's just that he's never had a friend that wasn't forced upon him from parents on both sides and it seems like his dad likes Jonnie, too. "It could be… 'cause that's what friends do."
Jonnie opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but no sound comes out, and eventually he closes it again without adding anything else.
"We are friends, right?"
Rather than meet his eyes, Jonnie fiddles with the bike lock in his hands. "Yeah, I mean- yeah."
So then Jimmy doesn't really understand what the problem is. Everyone around him seems to continuously over-complicate things that shouldn't be. "So you should come over to my house! Otherwise we'll only see each other at school and outside of lunch it's not like we can ever really talk." There's also the few minutes before and after school, but Jonnie gets here right before the first bell rings and always makes a be-line toward his bike the second the final one has rung. Jimmy had to race out of his final class to see him, and even now, he just barely caught Jonnie before he left.
Jonnie just turns the dials of the lock over and over.
"Unless you don't want to."
"It's not that I don't want to," Jonnie grimaces as soon as the words come out, "But I really don't think it's a good idea. I don't mix well with parents."
"But you'd tell me if you changed your mind, right?"
"Sure, Jimmy."
He smiles back even when Jonnie doesn't.
"Look, I gotta go, okay? My dad'll kill me if I get home late."
"My dad could give you a ride home! He wouldn't mind." It's the second time that he's offered and even though 'third time's the charm' is the way that one saying goes, Jonnie might take him up on the offer this time.
Instead, Jonnie shakes his head and pulls his bike from the rack. "It's fine. I live far away."
"What if we both live close to one another and have no idea?"
A short scoff escapes from Jonnie before he muffles it with a cough. "I'm pretty fuckin' sure we don't. C'mon, Jimmy, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
He nods for now. "Okay. I'll see you."
Jimmy's thinking that maybe inviting his friend over for dinner isn't such a good idea 'cause now that his mom's back home, his parents really aren't happy. Sure, he warned Jonnie that sometimes his mom yells at his dad and sometimes he yells back but nothing like this in a long time. Even though he's in his room with the door closed he can hear his parents loud and clear as their shouts reverberate around the house.
He hears a hand slam into the wall, or maybe a shoe into the floor, or maybe both, and then his dad. "I told you, I don't want you bringing that shit into this house!"
"You don't want your wife seeing her family? Paints one hell of a picture, Johnny."
"That's not it and you know it," Dad says back, voice low enough that Jimmy almost misses it, despite the volume.
"You want me to go to the Commissioner and tell him-"
"You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't do shit to put yourself in Jeopardy."
He can hear his mom scoff, harshly echoing down the hall to where Jimmy's room is. "Don't fuckin' tempt me. I'll take us both down if I have to."
"You won't. You might be a bitch, but you're also a goddamn coward."
Jimmy's not even in the same half of the house as them but he winces all the same. If it wasn't going to be obvious and inevitably draw attention to himself, Jimmy would probably jump to the bathroom and take a shower just to drown out the voices. But then his parents would hear the water and then they'd remember that Jimmy's in the house and then it's going to make it uncomfortable for everyone for who knows how long and he really doesn't want that, so he stays on his bed instead and tries to not think about the shouting match that seems to becoming more loud with every passing second.
"You promised me you'd stop," his dad says, having evidently called his wife's bluff. "You told me you were done. Jimmy's old enough to start realizing that things are off, Bella."
"He ain't smart enough."
Even though he's alone in his room, Jimmy frowns. He knows his mom thinks he's dumb as rocks but it's different hearing it out loud like it's a fact of the world. He might not be like Jonnie who can do all those math problems without missing a beat or like all the kids in English who can read their paragraph out loud to the class without having to count back and practice before they get called on, but he's not stupid stupid.
"Don't say that," his dad defends, not really arguing against him being dumb but also not agreeing with her. "You keep pulling shit like this and he's going to start asking questions."
A beat of silence passes before his mom snaps back, "Do you want me to lie to him or not, Johnny? Do you even fucking want me here? One second you're begging me to be a good goddamn mother and the next you want me gone."
"I want you to be there for our son! Not doing your father's bidding which you swore—you swore—you were done with. You told me, Bella-"
"I lied." When she interrupts, it catches both his dad's words and the silence that echoes afterwards. "How's that for a novel fuckin' concept?"
More silence follows.
It feels like forever until Jimmy's dad replies, and when he does, it's quiet enough that he can't quite make out the words.
Usually his dad will pop into his room after he gets in fights with his mom, sometimes to check up on him, and sometimes to just talk, but it never happens tonight. It's annoying since this time Jimmy actually wants to ask his dad something, and talking to him while he's in Jimmy's room comes with the assurance that his mom won't appear and start up the fight once more.
He waits until he hears the back door open and close, a surefire sign that his mom is going out 'cause Jimmy can always tell who's at the door by just listening to the way that it closes. He's not entirely sure where his mom is going though since she didn't bring the dogs back after wherever she went for Grandpa Albert, but he can always ask her later. Or, more likely, Jimmy won't ask and then he'll forget about it and it'll all be fine.
It'd probably be easier for him if he could forget about all of his parents' fights, but he never seems to get that lucky. No, instead the only thing he manages to forget are all the fractions he's supposed to be learning in school. His mom says it goes in one ear and out the other.
If Jimmy had a super power, he wouldn't want to be super smart or anything. He'd just want to be able to choose which things get stuck in his head and never, ever, leave.