Chapter Text
Lisa, under severe peer pressure from her sisters, dialed Will’s office number, which was manned by Caroline. She picked up after exactly one ring.
“Good evening, this is Caroline Waltz for Will Darcy of Darcy and Lauder speaking. How may I assist you?”
“Good evening, Caroline….”
“Miss Bennet!” her voice quipped. “To what do I owe the displeasure?”
“I… uh….”
“I am afraid I cannot really help with that. If there is nothing else, may I hang up?”
“What?! No! I need to ask you something!”
“As I said earlier, to what exactly do I owe this displeasure?”
Lisa took a deep breath and shot her shot. “Is he there? Is he in his office, I mean?”
“Who are you talking about?” Lisa could literally imagine her smirking.
“Will. Is Will at his office?”
“That was not so hard, was it? So, you have finally come to your senses, I suppose?”
Lisa felt like playing aloof, but instead, she decided to be honest, a rare miracle.
“Yes. If you let me get to him, yes. I do need to talk to him about… about, well, everything.”
Caroline gave out a satisfied, “Hmmmm. Yes, he is in his office. He will be leaving in the next ten to twenty minutes, though, so I would suggest getting here now.”
“Can you keep him there for some time?”
She heard her laughing.
“Can I keep my boss, who is one of the most successful lawyers in our country, in his office against his will? No, I do not think so. You see, this may be news to you, but he does not just do what someone tells him to, you being an exception for reasons I do not understand.”
“Caroline… Fine! I am coming. Just please try. I will get there as soon as I can.”
“Try faster than that,” she said cheerfully. “And do not fuck this up again.”
Lisa took a beat to realize what she was saying and then responded, “Yes, I would rather die than fuck it up again. Thank you, Caroline.” She hung up.
She looked to her sisters and said, “I have to go. He is in his office for the next few minutes. I have to go.” She looked at Lydia and asked, “Is that okay?”
“Yes, Lizzie, you go and get him.” Jane added, “I have everything handled here. Just make an appearance tomorrow when Mum gets here as well.”
“Yes, okay, yes. Fuck, I am doing this.” Lisa looked for Charlotte’s car keys in her bag. She found them in the front pocket; Will must have slipped them there before leaving.
“Alright, I love you both very much.”
Jane laughed and said, “We love you too. Now scram!”
She dashed to the hospital parking lot, got into the car, and started driving. That was the first time she took notice that it was already dark outside. This day had been so full, starting with the arbitral award, then the coffee, Lydia, and now this. It was still not over. What a miracle!
It was, in actuality, a miracle because she made every signal without waiting, every stop sign and crosswalk comfortably, and reached her former place of employment. She found that hope was bubbling up inside of her again.
You still do not know if he is single or seeing someone seriously or casually.
But it did not matter, because she had decided that the truth would set her free and it was worth it. He deserved to know that his affection was never in vain and that she had felt the same all along. It just took her time to get here. With that spirit, she rushed to the lift to get to his floor. That lift ride was the longest one she ever took. The moment it stopped, Lisa scrambled out to find Caroline patiently sitting by her laptop.
“Miss Bennet, you got here in fifteen minutes. That must be a record. He is just about to leave; you should run,” she said with her signature smirk. Lisa wouldn’t lie; she felt the woman was growing on her.
“Go, I am not joking, go!”
“Okay!” Lisa took off again toward his door and pushed it open, fully out of breath, only to find Will comfortably seated at his desk, buried in paperwork.
Huh.
Fuck you, Caroline.
Will looked up from the work he was doing and found her standing there.
“Miss Bennet?”
“I am so sorry. You were not picking up my calls, so I spoke to Caroline. She said that you were done with work….”
“No, I need to review these compliance documents before filing them. It is dog’s work and I will likely be here for the next two to three hours. My phone is usually placed on silent when I am reviewing them because they need my utmost concentration.”
“Oh, I am so sorry again. I will let myself out….”
“No! No. I mean, you look like you have run here all the way from the hospital. Can you please take a seat?” He motioned at the ridiculously expensive couch in his ridiculously huge office.
She did, and he walked over to pour a glass of water for her before taking a seat on the sofa adjacent to hers, though still unfairly far from her.
“Is everything alright with Lydia? Is she doing well?”
“Yes, she is perfectly fine. There are no troubling symptoms of withdrawal yet. She is resting. My sister is with her and my mom is arriving tomorrow,” Lisa found herself rambling.
“That is good. My associate is following up on this Wickham investigation. The police already obtained the search warrant and found the pictures that Lydia mentioned in her statement on his laptop's drive. He has sworn in an affidavit that there are no more copies. The link has already been destroyed according to the legal regulations surrounding the subject. Wickham is going to be indicted next week.”
“Oh, that is a relief. Thank you so much. I am so grateful to have had you through this whole affair.”
“Mention it not,” he said and smiled. “So, why did you run here?”
“Caroline said that you were leaving in a few minutes and that I had to get here as soon as I could to talk to you.”
“Oh, she is toying with you again, I suppose. I am sorry; I will get her to stop.”
“No, it is okay. I think we have reached a place of understanding.”
She smiled to herself and did not notice his eyes widening imperceptibly at the sight.
“Well? What did you want to tell me?”
She blurted out, “You left without telling me. Why?”
He sighed and said, “You were with your family. You did not need me anymore.”
“How can you possibly think that?”
He didn't say anything.
“I mean… just tell me next time, okay? Not that any of my family members are even mildly willing to put themselves in such a situation again.”
Will looked at her, bemused. “Uh… sure. Was that all you wanted to come here and tell me?”
This was it. She had to tell him. It was now or never.
“Remember how this morning, you asked me to be completely silent while you spoke?”
He nodded.
“I am not in a place to ask anything from you ever again, but is it possible for you to give me your silence for the next couple of minutes?”
He nodded again. She took a deep breath and looked directly into his eyes with intent, but also softness.
“So, you know this by now, but my dad died when I was young. He was a very important person in our lives and it broke me apart in a way that I am not sure is fixed. I became extremely defensive, which eventually translated into an iron-clad armor that just could not let anyone inside. I was fine that way. I even told myself that I was happy because it kept me from being rejected, heartbroken, and… well, sad. I was fine, until I met you.”
She found herself tearing up and took another sip of the water he had poured for her.
“This morning, you told me that you did find me beautiful and liked me when we first met. I want to say that I did, too. I still do not know what it was about you, but I wanted to let you in. But then you spoke badly about me, which I, of course, have already forgiven you for. But it affirmed to me that I needed to keep my armor on. I was fine with keeping you at arm’s length. But you would not stay there! You kept challenging me. You kept showing me that people are so much more than the boxes I put them in to keep myself from feeling. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I love it. I swear, I do.”
“You offered me a job, your time, help, and knowledge. I was so surprised this morning when you told me that it was I who was always shaking your preferences, when I always subconsciously swayed in the direction you sent me. If there is anyone who has been feeling like they were not in control this whole time, it was me. I guess we need to communicate better?”
She joked as a tear fell down her face. She found herself wanting to completely break down and cry, but she tried to hold it together. She had to make it to the end. She looked away, down at her hands which were clutched together.
“I am so sorry for that night. Not just for all the awful things I said to you but because… well, because I did not say yes. Even when I wanted to. Because somewhere along the way, you had already crept in, completely obliterating my armor. I found myself feeling everything, all the time, because of you, for you. You think I am this fiery, passionate person, but who I really am is a coward. All those other qualities, those feathers, are just decorations on the armor. I was a coward; that is why I became so defensive that night. I was a coward for throwing those awful things at you, for pushing you away. I had just found out about Jane from Georgiana earlier, and my heart was broken at what felt like your betrayal at the time. It took me back to the only other time I felt that way, when my dad died. So, all the other feathers came off. I reverted to being a defensive coward.”
She was still not able to look back and meet his eyes, but she could feel them burning into her. She willed herself to continue.
“I read your email and thought that was the last time I would ever see you. I made peace with that. But I decided that I would never let my… well, I guess the right words are 'past baggage' get in the way of being happy and getting what I want. I started seeking help from my psychologist, who finally helped me believe it is okay to feel hurt and helpless and heartbroken, as long as I let those feelings stay their course and deal with them correctly. I learned that everything passes by and that life just does not make sense, so I will just have to cling to the parts that do. But my cowardice remained and I could not get myself to reach out to you. So, you can imagine how happy I was when I saw you on the other side of this arbitration. It was almost impossible for me to retain my professionalism through the week because all I really wanted to do was….”
This was it.
You’ve got this, Bennet.
She looked up and found him still looking at her. His eyes seemed mildly moist. That was a rarity.
“Because all I really wanted to do was tell you that I love you too, most ardently. And I am yours, if you still want me, that is.”
She sighed in relief. It did not matter at that moment what he thought of her long and badly articulated confession. It did not even matter if he did not love her in the present tense. What did matter was that she was no longer a coward. More tears followed, this time of triumph rather than exhaustion.
“That was it! That was what I wanted, no, needed to tell you all day. You can speak now… also, I realize I did not account for the fact that you may be seeing someone at the moment. If you are, that is also fine. I just want you to be happy, because that is what makes me happy….”
“Say it again.”
“I am sorry, what?”
“Just please, say it again,” he softly begged as his eyes, now also on the verge of tears, searched hers. He finally looked away and scoffed before looking back at her again. “Please, for fuck’s sake, I am begging you, just say what you did. I need to know you mean it.”
Affronted, she said, “Well, of course I mean it. In the most beautifully heartbreaking way, I am in love with you, Will. And I have been for a long time. I think since the moment I met you. As I said, it just took me a while to figure it out across the depth of all our stupid misconceptions, misunderstandings, pride, and prejudice.”
“You are not messing with me? I do not think I can survive it if you are,” Will said, looking more vulnerable than she had ever seen him. She finally knew that she held what was indelibly delicate, his heart. There was no way she would let herself or anyone else break it.
“And I would not be able to live with myself if I was,” she said, moving to engulf his hands in hers. They were cold and trembling.
Oh lord. I really did misjudge this man.
“Your hands are so cold.”
She brought his hands to her mouth and planted a soft kiss on them. His face broke into a smile, his best one yet. She also smiled at that and finally let herself cry. His hands moved to her face and wiped her tears away.
“I am so in love with you. I will never be able to tell you how much,” he said as he kissed her forehead.
“You are?”
“Yes! I usually do not take up arbitration matters, even when the client requests me, but I did this time with the singular motivation of getting to see you.”
Lisa was surprised. “Earlier this week, you were so cold to me….”
“That was me trying not to look overly attached. I am sorry if it gave the impression of being indifferent or cold.”
“And were you going to do anything at all?”
Will sighed. “I do not know, and to be honest, I was hoping you would. Because, trust me, between us, I am the coward.”
“But you were so cold today, even when I asked you for coffee.”
“I was just unprepared, is all. You could have very easily told me that you never wanted to see my face again after this, and that would have… it would have destroyed me. So, I had to maintain a distant presence. Besides, I did not get any indication from you all week that you… well, that you wanted me as well. I thought you were just being polite….”
“When have I ever just been polite?”
“That’s a fair point….”
“So, you would have just let me go if I had not ambushed you?”
He was quiet. “I do not know how much of you I can have, so yes, I resolved that I was okay with having as much or as little as you would let me have of you, without seeking… more.”
This man. This beautiful, gentlemanly, chivalrous, annoying man!
“You really did not get any indication from me? Because all I could think about through this week was how much I wanted to jump you across that table!” Lisa blurted out. Will looked surprised. She was so embarrassed.
Oh, now why would I say that?
Will recovered from the surprise and then gently pressed his hands to her cheeks. He softly said, “Me too,” and smiled again.
She put her hands over his. “Really?”
“Yes, from the minute you walked into the room earlier this week.”
“I did not get that either. We really do need to communicate better, don’t we?”
“Yes, we do. So, in the interest of that, may I kiss you?”
She smiled and nodded against his hands. He smiled again and kissed her. It was a tentative, chaste, but passionate kiss. There was hunger there, of course, but more contentment and fulfillment. It was like how sipping hot chocolate feels by a fireplace when it is snowing heavily outside. After what felt like several beautiful minutes, they broke apart.
“Will….”
“I love it when you say my name. You refused to for so long.”
“I am sorry for that, for everything, really. I… I genuinely misread everything about you and even when I finally had it right, I just could not believe that you would ever want me….”
“How can you possibly think that?”
“Well….” Lisa mentally recounted their first meeting, and Will could tell that she was.
“Oh. I see. Well, let me put that matter to rest. You are so beautiful that I cannot look away. There are even times when I am unable to breathe. There have been nights when we were running through depositions and a lock of your hair escaped and blew past your face, you looked absolutely ethereal then. And do not get me started on your smile… it is angelic,” he said all of this so earnestly that she smiled again. “So yes, Lisa, you are so unavoidably gorgeous that I have been tempted since you smiled at me the very first time. Anything that is contrary to what I am saying now were all lies I conjured to keep you at a distance, a huge fallacy on my end. Do you understand?”
“I do, thank you. But… but you are all of this, a name partner of this amazing and immensely successful firm. You are smart. You are kind and patient, and don't get me started on your smile….”
“No, please, by all means, start away.”
“You would have so many women throwing themselves at you. Why would I ever think you would want me back?”
“You forget that I am also a grade-A prick who is incapable of letting people in, until they claw their way into my heart.”
“Is that what I did? I clawed my way in there?”
“More than anyone else I know, apart from my sister.”
“Obviously. I would love to meet her again.”
“Likewise. She and I would love that, too.”
“So there are no other women in your life at the moment?”
“No, of course not! In this capacity, it is just you. Why do you keep asking me this?!”
“No reason.”
“Lisa, we agreed to communicate better. It has to be both ways.”
She sighed and, barely audibly, said, “Colin told me that you were a rake in college.”
“What?!”
“Please do not make me say it again.”
“No, I heard you the first time. I am just having trouble understanding why you would think I am still who I was in college. Are you how you were in college?”
Lisa had been a loner-nerd who spent all her time either in classes, the library, or sleeping. She could see what he meant.
“No, I am not. I know you are not either. It is just that I felt uncontrollably and unjustifiably jealous when he told me. So, it stuck in my head. I am so sorry….”
“I get it. I am also like that, just a bit… quieter than you are. I prefer being like you, actually.”
“And I prefer being like you.”
He smiled, realizing she was still clutching his hand. He looked up at her and asked, “Do you want to get out of here?”
“And where are we to go?”
He still held her hands in his, stood up, and pulled her close to him. “Wherever we want,” he said before kissing her again. He led her out of his office and into the real world. In spite of all the fears and anxieties that Lisa carried inside her, for that moment, all felt right in her world, and that was enough.