Chapter Text
The next day, Alfred didn’t do much. He woke up at ten, ate breakfast (pancakes, made to improve Matthew’s well-being), spent way too much time rethinking his choice of clothes for the day, and, aside from that, did absolutely nothing else.
It was hard to focus on anything, while the looming presence of the upcoming meeting with Kiku was tainting his every second. Alfred didn’t feel scared, he rarely does, but the feeling of deeply buried anxiety was impossible to ignore. Its fuel was apprehension that this meeting would probably provide the very last straw needed to fully prove Kiku’s deep disinterest in his person.
And Alfred, who still couldn’t force himself to fully accept it, had no interest in speeding up the process.
They sat at one of the library’s tables almost twenty minutes after the time they agreed on. This was purely Alfred’s fault, yet he himself didn’t consider it his “fault”, as he actually came in late on purpose.
Having known Kiku for as long as he did, he knew how the other worked; was aware of all his quirks, habits and preferences. That is exactly why he was sure Kiku would arrive ten minutes early – he always did that, just to ensure he wouldn’t be late.
Combining this with forcing him to wait an extra twenty minutes, because of Alfred being late, added up to a total of thirty minutes of Kiku’s precious time getting wasted.
Quite a score, Alfred couldn’t lie.
He did feel anxious and unsure about their meeting, but that didn’t stop him from at least trying to be petty. Not the best defense mechanism, but it worked, and served as something close to self-reassurance.
Kiku took out his laptop from his bag, the entire surface of the lid covered in stickers, and placed it on the table. There were probably three times as many stickers as there were the last time Alfred saw it, maybe even more! Actually, he didn’t even have to look for long to be almost sure he knew exactly which ones were new.
It was absolutely not worrying he still perfectly remembered how Kiku’s laptop looked years ago. Not at all.
Kiku’s always been decorating his stuff with merch of his interests, nothing new, Alfred did exactly the same, but THIS was different. The amount of the stickers was almost admirable, in a way.
“Damn.”
“M?” Kiku’s dark eyes couldn’t meet Alfred even for a second. He glanced at him, yes, but after less than a blink of an eye, his focus was back on anything other than the American.
“Nothing.”
Alfred didn’t say anything else, and Kiku didn’t say anything else either.
He followed Kiku’s actions and also took out his stuff. In comparison to Kiku’s one, his laptop was almost bare (but many would have disagreed, and say his one had a reasonable amount of stickers instead).
“So-” Kiku’s voice broke and he coughed. It sounded as if it simply wasn’t used for so long, Kiku forgot how to use it, forgot how to speak. He looked away, but didn’t look nervous (at least not more than he already did), just embarrassed.
“-did you already choose the topic we’re going to do?”
“Ah, yeah. We could do, like-”
Okay, Alfred, quickly, choose whatever, just be quick! He had to be the one who made their topic, not Kiku! It was a matter of honor!
“-how does the Moon affect tides? Teachers, like, love this topic. Trust me.” he shrugged. Alright, the topic was neither ground-breaking, nor was it super interesting, true, but it made up for it in other aspects! Such as, it was connected with his personal interests (astronomy), geography as a school subject, and was simple enough for them to cover it with ease.
It was perfect! There was absolutely no way Kiku would have anything against-
“But-”
-it.
Alfred’s face dropped the second Kiku started to speak, and didn’t let him finish his response.
“Yeah? What now? Come on, it’s not supposed to be a master’s thesis, just some stupid project for school! I get you can have high aspirations or some other bullshit, but that’s just a school project, Kiku! Nothing more. If you want to overdo SO much, because an easy and, like, suitable topic like this is not enough for you, you should’ve just stayed at that-”
“A-alfred. Alfred”
Alfred instantly paused.
“That’s not really on our list of topics.”
Oh.
Oh.
Fuck, there’s a list???
“We got a list of topics??” Alfred blurted out before he could stop himself. His cheeks started to sting a little, painfully tinting themselves in a shameful shade of light pink. He wanted to avoid humiliation and feeling mentally inferior so much, he made himself feel exactly like that! Great job, Alfred!
The whole plan about acting indifferent to how hurt and stupid Kiku was making him feel, was failing miserably.
“Mhm. It’s here. I got a photo” Alfred took Kiku’s phone in his hands, trying to ignore how visibly shaky Kiku's fingers were, when he was handing it to him.
The list was rather short, and all the positions were pretty much the same. “Presentation about the culture of three European countries of your choice” or three African ones, or Asian, or pretty much from any other continent. Pretty much, since Antarctica was obviously out of the equation.
Extremely boring, at least for Alfred, but he didn’t expect much better. He’s never considered teachers the most creative people on the planet, sorry not sorry.
“Ughh, that’s so boring! Hell no! We’re not gonna do a presentation about some, I dunno, Portugal, Brasil and Mexico, and how boring they are!”
“Alfred, they’re all supposed to be from one continent, I think-”
“Yeah, that’s what I said!”
Kiku slightly frowned at that, but his lips' corners moved up in what resembled a half-smile. What was so amusing in what he said, Alfred didn’t know.
He glared at Kiku, and the half-smile quickly disappeared. That served him right.
“Then… what do you think we should do?" The quiet politeness of his tone used to be so comforting for Alfred, so grounding and level-heading, but now it felt numb and emotionless, as if some incredibly important component was missing from it. All that, while sounding nervous, which normally shouldn’t happen that often when it was Alfred that Kiku was speaking to.
What a weird, weird situation. Alfred felt as if he was in the exact one in a million timeline in which he and Kiku were like this, while every other Alfred was still having the best time with all of their respective Kikus.
Talk about jealousy issues, Alfred was currently having some over his hypothetical versions from hypothetical parallel timelines.
“I don’t know, just wanted to state an opinion, I guess.” His head was starting to hurt from the whole ordeal. Not only was it boring, but also extremely awkward, and even a bit stressful. And yes, Alfred’s ego still hasn't recovered after the incident with the list! It hasn't, and it won’t for a long time, for the record!
“Then, maybe we could do it about… Scandinavian countries? There’s already just three of them and we could, well, compare them. Does that sound… okay?”
Alfred was SURE there were more than three Scandinavian countries, but in a rare wave of thoughtfulness, he decided it would be better not to comment on that.
“Alright. Whatever. You’re gonna search for info and I’ll do the slides.”
“Okay.” As expected, no protest came from Kiku’s side.
They sat in awkward silence for quite a long time afterwards, the quietness broken only by Alfred's occasional remarks, since he just couldn’t keep himself from not talking.
If someone ever told his past self that one day he would have to keep himself from talking to Kiku, to keep his dignity and to avoid getting himself hurt even further, he for sure would have cried.
For the social creature that Alfred was, keeping quiet was hard from nature. And keeping his mouth shut right next to the person he used to tell absolutely EVERYTHING, exchange notes on EVERY lesson and text EVERY night… It was just impossible!
Especially since he and Kiku missed a whole two and a half year chapter worth of chatting! What a cruel world he has to live in, really…
“So, in that school you transferred to, what was it… like there? Like, what was the main difference?”
What was so special and better about it?
“Huh?” Kiku's gaze was unfocused as he lifted it from his screen.
“I asked for the main difference between that school you went to and my school. Our school. Your current one.” Alfred shifted in his chair. He was well aware he probably shouldn’t ask about it, since he was pretty sure what the answer would be anyway, but he couldn't help it! Curiosity killed the cat and apparently now it was about to add an American to its victims, but who cares!
Kiku fidgeted with his bag’s keychain. The character was from an anime Alfred had finished barely a week prior, a good one, he would definitely have to buy the manga. How bizarre to learn Kiku also enjoyed it, even though they both found it completely separately.
“...It wasn’t that different, I think?” Kiku looked even more hesitant to speak than he did before.
“Really? Aha.”
Then why did you choose it?
“Ain’t it some prestigious academia or something? It sure must have been different.” Alfred was NOT having the answer that they weren't that different, he was just not having it.
So he felt the need to push a bit more.
Kiku stopped fidgeting for a second. “The level of teaching was better, yes, if that's what you're asking about.”
“Just better?” The disbelief in his tone was clear as day.
The fact the school Kiku left him for, might have not even been that much special, compared to their current one, was almost physically painful.
Kiku got quiet, and Alfred could almost see his own last words hang in the air between them.
”Just better.”
Nothing less, nothing more.
Kiku didn't seem interested in talking about his school, quite the exact opposite. He overall didn't seem particularly interested in talking, but this exact topic made him especially stiff. Which completely contradicted all the assumptions Alfred had long two and a half years to develop, and now left him feeling rather confused.
“...Damn it's getting a bit late, don't you think?” Alfred grabbed the lid of his laptop and closed it a little too fast. That was enough, he couldn’t take it anymore.
“It’s almost… five in the afternoon, yes”
“Yeah, well, forgot to tell you that before, but I'm meeting up with Lovino. So, I kinda gotta go” That was a lie, he had no hang out planned with the Italian, but it didn’t matter in the slightest. If he wanted to, he could easily meet up with Lovino. Yes, Lovino was currently at work, as far as he was aware, but Alfred never really cared about such small inconveniences anyway.
“Okay, we can just finish it the other day” Kiku mirrored his actions, and also started to pack.
He was in the middle of opening his bag, when he asked: “Is Feli going out with you too?”
“I dunno, probably not?”
“Ah. Alright.” he nodded in understanding.
“Why do you ask?” Alfred couldn't help but be curious.
“We’re supposed to meet in an hour. I just wanted to make sure he’s not busy” He shrugged, but Alfred paused in his tracks. Kiku was going to meet up with Feliciano? Yeah, okay, the two of them and Ludwing did get a lot closer lately, but to the point they would now hang out outside of school? Which chapter did Alfred miss?
Perhaps making sure to not even glance at Kiku since he came back wasn’t the greatest idea he’s ever had.
“Ah. Alright” Alfred awkwardly stood up from his seat and quickly headed to the library's front door. He intended not to say goodbye in any way, but a small “hey” slipped out of him on its own. Kiku responded with the same, but his one was somehow less nervous than Alfred's pathetic squeak, making it sound even worse in comparison.
This day really had absolutely no mercy for him.
Alfred walked over to a nearby tram stop, took out his phone, and absentmindedly chose Lovino's contact. A quick visit at Lovino's workplace wouldn't hurt.
Especially because of what exactly he could buy there…
A signal rang for a good few seconds, before Lovino finally picked up the call.
“Hello? What do you want?” I told you not to call me when I’m working, Al” He didn’t sound particularly happy, but Alfred paid no mind to it. Lovino’s always been the grumpier type, that's just how he is!
“Wow, so your job is like, real? You didn’t make it up?” Alfred chuckled, his gaze sliding over the tram’s schedule. Alright, the next one was supposed to be here in a few minutes.
“Gesù, this is literally the thousand time you made that exact fucking joke! Shut! Up! I’m on the clock, so you’re either hanging up this instant, or I’m gonna do it instead” Well, since all Lovino did was threaten him, not actually hang up, that was a clear sign he wasn’t even half as angry as he was trying to pretend he was.
“Hahha, chill! I know you’re employed, relax. Not only employed but also kinda with a stick up the ass sometimes, y’know?” Alfred chuckled as he got on the newly arrived tram. A lady sitting in one of the chairs gave him a disapproving look, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what was the reason.
He ignored her, and continued to laugh right into his phone at full volume.
Lovino sighed.
“What do you want?” He repeated himself.
“Nah, nothing, actually. I’m just super bored, so I was thinking, maybe I’ll stop by?”
“I told you; I’m busy. Can’t we hang out later? Also, weren’t you going to study with that guy today, what was his name… Kiku?”
All of Alfred’s good mood disappeared in an instant, and he groaned right into his phone.
This was all a joke! A cruel joke pulled by the entire fucking universe, all at once! He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Kiku right now, he’s already been thinking about him all day, which was more than enough!
“Fuck, dude, stop. Don’t even mention him, please, I’ve just left the library where we spend, like, hours!”
“Alright, now I think I know the reason why you suddenly wanna visit me at work so much”
“Oh my god, come on, I was gonna go get new juice today anyways! I am pissed off at Kiku, yeah, but that’s not the only reason!” Alfred felt the frustration boil inside him, no matter how much he tried to suppress it and pretend he’s still as laid-back as ever.
“You sound REALLY mad though” Lovino pointed out.
“Whatever, dude. I don’t really care” He made sure to do a light laugh, before abruptly hanging up, cutting off any other words Lovino might have wanted to say.
Well, at least now he had the satisfaction that came from, for once, being the first one to hang up. Usually it was Lovino who did that, since his tolerance to Alfred making stupid noises was incredibly low whether they were on call. Alfred, on the other hand, was a huge fun of making said noises.
Alfred hopped off the tram and walked right to a nearby newsstand. Said booth was Lovino's place of work, a perfect one for a high school drop out like him.
The Italian was leaning on the counter, his expression rather bored, but there still was a faint smile in it.
This exact faint smile could genuinely be considered Alfred’s one and only achievement of the day. Even though it clearly existed only because Lovino found his frustration amusing.
“Hey, Al.”
“Romano!! Really long time no hear, amirite?” Alfred placed his elbows on the counter, causing Lovino to move away. He grinned at him, purposely using the name Lovino was called by the various clients of his booth. It was his business alias at this point; Alfred himself only knew him by Lovino because that's how Feliciano called him.
“Alright, but really, what’s going on with that Kiku-guy? You don’t like him that much that you have to instantly run to me, complain and get nicotine?” The Italian’s eyebrows rose and Alfred looked away. When you put it that way it indeed sounded bad.
“Hey, stop, you make me sound, like, so pathetic. And yeah, dude, I swear he’s just horrible, okay?? We were friends a year or two ago, but now ugh.” He sighed dramatically, and Lovino rolled his eyes at that, but his voice wasn’t unkind.
At least not unkind towards Alfred.
Hopefully not unkind towards Alfred.
“You fell out or something?”
“Close enough. Fucker ghosted me and- nah, whatever, I don’t want to talk about it, it's not worth it!” He shook his hands, feeling like the frustration was about to tint his cheeks with pink yet again.
“I get it. Mio fratello [My brother] really likes him, but, I guess this doesn’t prove anything. He likes that Ludwing from y'alls class too, so his taste in friends is clearly terrible” Lovino’s voice had this special degree of hatred Alfred only heard when he was talking about the German guy from Alfred’s and Feliciano’s class. Alfred actually wasn't sure why Lovino despised him so much, but he never asked.
“Dude, enough about Kiku, really.” He swatted at his arm, and Lovino glared at him:
“Don't fucking touch me.”
“Easy dude, easy!” Alfred raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, internally s oocolding himself. He knew how much Lovino despised physical touch, of absolutely any kind, but he just always had to somehow forget about it, and make a fool out of himself!
Great, now he for sure looks like an egotistical prick that doesn’t care about his own friends’ boundaries.
Truly awesome.
“Okay, Al, I don’t have a whole day. Which one do you want? Watermelon?” Lovino reached behind the counter, not even waiting for the answer.
“Yup, watermelon, dude! Totally the best flavor, like, fight me on that” He laughed, earning a scoff, but Lovino took out the liquid he asked for anyway, and placed it on the counter.
Alfred paid for it swiftly, obviously in cash, not with his card, due to the obvious illegality of the whole transaction, and shoved his newly acquired juice into his pocket.
It was really a blessing that “Romano's” booth existed, and Alfred never had to gamble whether the shop assistants at other stores would fall for his fake ID or not — he could just go right here, and get what he wanted every time.
He and Lovino continued to talk for a little more, but Alfred soon got forced to move away from the booth — Lovino got another customer.
Alfred still stood close to it though, as a plan began to form in his mind. The day was still young, and once Lovino would end his shift, Alfred could just crash at his house. Lovino's apartment was small and always on the borderline of filthy, but Alfred loved spending his time there, especially on a Saturday evening like this one.
He still had some physics homework that he was supposed to do during the weekend, but he figured he could just do it on Sunday.
And, in opposition, taking care of the beer from Lovino's fridge couldn't be done on Sunday. Alfred once made the mistake of going to school with a hangover, and he absolutely wasn't going to repeat it.
As he stood there, waiting for the Italian to finish arguing with some man over the price of cigarettes, his phone rang. It was his father.
Alfred’s smile faded from his face.
Just as he suspected, that one call ruined any plans he was starting to make for the night.
Arthur told him to immediately get back home, since he and Francis were leaving the house, and someone had to “take care of Matthew”.
As if Matthew was a little child that needed to be taken care of, and not a guy who was theoretically even older than Alfred! By three whole minutes!
Any arguments that Alfred made fell on deaf ears. His dad had little patience left that day, and threatened him with taking away all of his electronics, if the teenager wouldn't get back home this instant.
Said threat was not only very humiliating, but also genuinely painful; he didn’t want to spend the whole weekend without his computer and TV, not because of some hypothetical sleepover!
Alfred was furious, but he had no other choice than to say goodbye to Lovino, and come back home, to fulfill the role of a babysitter for his own twin brother.
As he got on the tram, he leaned his whole frame against the window, already sensing a mild stomachache approaching.
He had a very bad feeling he was currently, actively even, being just incredibly fucking selfish.
Matthew was sick, needed his care, and Alfred still had the audacity to favour his own wants over his brother’s needs. He felt like an awful, egoistical prick.
Matthew was his poor, ill brother, for heaven's sake! How could he try and refuse to take care of him?
Besides, in what awful state Matthew must have been if his parents couldn't even leave him alone for a few hours?
Alfred dreaded to know that, but in the end, the answer was simple — none.
As soon as he was back at home, he rushed to check on Matthew, expecting at least two layers of puke on the floor, or something equally horrible, but was met with nothing of the sort.
His twin brother was sprawled on the couch, stuffing his face with cupcakes (which were surely made by Francis), while watching the TV with the volume too loud by two stripes.
So, overall, he was clearly feeling rather okay.
Alfred was so emotionally drained, he didn't even make a fuss about being forced to come home for nothing. He just made sure Matthew really felt as good as he looked, and went straight to his room.
It all was probably his dads’ fault anyway, rather than Matthew's; they've always been extremely overprotective over him.
It's not like Alfred ever had a problem with that — while his parents focused on fragile and shy, but academically skilled Matthew, Alfred could pass under the radar with his reckless behaviour and barely average grades.
Which, most of the time, was a good thing.
An hour or two after coming back home, Alfred was ready to sleep. His reasoning was similar to the one he had the previous day; while asleep, he wouldn't be able to worry or replay in his head all the humiliating things that he did. Considering said day had quite a lot of them, he was really doing his ego a favour.
Right before he was about to fall asleep, he made a grave mistake — opened his Instagram. He clicked through other people's stories, paying no mind to most of them, but a particular one caused him to stop.
Feliciano posted a video of him, Ludwing and Kiku, inside what looked like Feliciano's kitchen. They were in the middle of preparing something, probably cookies of some sort. Neither Kiku, nor Ludwig looked overjoyed, but Ludwig’s usual stern face was smooth now and Kiku’s eyes… they didn’t look as soulless and dissociated as they did barely hours prior.
Alfred (for some reason) watched that one video again and again. He didn’t know why, he just couldn’t stop rewatching those same ten seconds over and over.
Kiku was wearing pajamas, just like his friends, but his one was baggy and had long sleeves.
Kiku’s nails were painted now, and they weren’t painted before.
Kiku’s hair was messy.
Kiku's hoodie was laying on the back of Feliciano's kitchen's chair, in the background.
Kiku’s eyes had genuine warmth in it.
Kiku looked happy.
Not ecstatic, not joyful, but happy.
…
Has it already been mentioned what an envious man Alfred was?