Chapter Text
Your name is Karkat Vantas and you can't remember the last time you felt this.
Your group was a total fuck up in playing the game you all were supposed to, now hiding in a meteor in the veil from some weird omnipotent God, and looking at the planet you all created and were *supposed* to rule over, the viewports aren't that fun, really, but what else is there to do outside of your memos and leaderly speeches trying to get the team back on track?
There are 4 different humans you can watch over, turntechGodhead, gardenGnostic, tentacleTherapist, and last and definitely least, ghostyTrickster.
He's nothing to note of, just some alien kid in his dumb human house being a dork and geeking out over movies that are probably not even that good compared to Alternian cinema, but.. You can't help but shake this feeling at how much easier his life is, just how much dumb and bubbly he is, you can't help but think he's stupid, moronic.
You can't help but hate him. So much of his life spent in easy-going free-spiritedness, no issues, just some trifling pastries and.. Harlequins, for him to worry about. No fear of his blood being find out, just, some basic, run of the mill human. Some pathetic weakling.
And yet you can't help but feel that he makes your blood burn, being so lame, so useless.
The so called "leader" of the humans group, the person who was supposed to be responsible for his sessions failure that ended up ruining your chances of winning aswell, you couldn't believe that this was the person who caused your failure, that this wasn't your fault for once, but instead the fault of some shitstain nerd from an alien world, the one you were *meant* to hate.
The rivaling leader of another session, the two kings of different species.
It was meant to be, this whole time.
You used to wonder the reasons behind as to why you could never find a kismesis, its not like you were actively trying to find someone to fill your caliginous buckets like a certain fishy prince you know, but it was still a struggle, not having any of quadrants filled when you were so knowledgeable in romance, having to instead resort to advising your subordinates in never-ending crazy think-pan flogging memos, you felt as if your standards were "too high" to find a caliginous partner, someone you could really hate romantically, a nemesis for you.
Yet it turns out, you didn't even need to talk with him once to immediately realize that he's the one you hate, the one you needed to mess up and make sure he knew his place, make sure he knew of each and every one of his failures and mistakes and how he horribly fucked up in every singular fucking instance you've seen him, his stupid buck-teeth and glasses, you couldn't stand him without even needing to have a singular conversation with him, and you are hopelessly horns over heels in hate with him without even knowing his name.
There. His final, pitysome, scratch that, loathsome moments.
You finally found him.
Troll this worthless human.
CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
You begin trolling him, digits aggresively hitting the keys on your keyboard in rapid succession, not thinking twice about what you exactly say, hating how easily you hate him, and hating how you hate how you so easily hate him.
CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.
CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.
CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.
CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCIEVABLE LEVEL.
CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.
CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.
CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.
CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
You pick your typing, not wanting to give him a singular moment to reply before you're thoroughly done with humiliating him before his own self, your entire anger at this imbecile out for everyone, and specifically his bespectacled eyes, to see, the stupid scribblings of "clowns" he has done over his posters and walls inexplainable, only being able to be possibly somehow comprehended by assuming Makara's religion ended up carrying over to the new universe you all created, watching him tremble and shake in fear gave you quite the power trip, and you were not planning on forgiving him for his vile existence any time soon.
CG: ONLY MY HATE.
You type without much thought.
CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.
CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.
CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.
You finish typing, rereading the words in the anonymous gray hue on your monitor, waiting for a response apprehensively, curled up in on yourself a determined look on your face, and that reply frankly doesn't take much time to appear.
EB: hi karkat!
What.
CG: WHAT
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME.
Seriously, how the fuck does he know your name? You thought the human wasnt even aware of your existence, much less your goddamn name? Oh shit, how much does he know about you, or more accurately, how much does he know you?
EB: oh man.
EB: this is it, isn't it?
EB: i've been looking forward to this!
The wretched blue on your screen forces your face to morph into an even deeper frown, staring, no, glaring at the text, your brain is conflicted between choosing between if you're more confused or angry, a dizzying dumbfoundedness that you didn't see coming. Though you suppose, that is a rather constant state of being for someone like you.
CG: WHAT IS IT.
CG: ME HATING YOU IS WHAT'S IT.
CG: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, YEAH, BINGO.
You wonder for a brief moment if you're a tad bit too forward.
EB: no, i mean this is the first conversation between us, from your perspective.
EB: right?
This should also be the first conversation between you and him from his perspective as well, what the hell does this fraud think he's oh so poorly attempting and failing to do?? You cannot stand liars like him, you can't believe you ended up hating this absolute douche in a romantic sense. You should be punishing him instead of being useless and looking at him through the viewport like a hopeless romantic in countless of your flicks, he needs to pay, not get fawned over!
CG: YEAH.
CG: ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE'VE SPOKEN BEFORE.
EB: yeah, lots of times!
EB: actually...
EB: i should introduce myself properly.
EB: hi karkat, i am john!
Your brain swiftly automatically notes down the name John deep into your neurons, making sure to not forget it fully ever, before starting to think more rationally about the other parts of his response, apparently you two have spoken before? Well, you guess that makes it easier.
You actually kind of like the name John, so alien and yet kind of nice, you hate that it has to belong to an asshole like this.
You make sure to not tell him you like his name.
CG: JOHN, WHY WOULD I GIVE A PUNGENT WHIPPING LUMPSQUIRT WHAT YOUR NAME IS.
You tell him a lie, you very much do care what his name is, even if you'll never show it. Not that you care for it. You have become quite good at being able to hide your true feelings for anyone you might be interested in. That is if you even had any feelings in the first place, which you do not.
EB: because we are buddies!
Your eyebrow shoots up immediately as your eyes read that line, watching in disbelief John's little adorable, despisably so, giggle.
CG: I ADMIT I AM NEW TO HUMAN SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS
CG: BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE OUR RELATIONSHIP CAN OR WILL EVER BE DESCRIBED AS "EARTH HUMAN BUDDIES".
EB: yup, we totally are.
EB: we just became earth human buddies in a kind of weird way.
EB: you decide to keep talking to me backwards through my adventure.
EB: and then when you are done with that you come back and talk to me more recently on the timeline for a while.
EB: you talk to my friends a whole bunch too.
EB: you and your alternian troll buddies help me and my earth human buddies hatch a plan!
EB: which we are busy putting into motion right now, as you can see.
Seriously, who does he think he is? How stupid does he think you are? Nice one, sure, going backwards in time to troll this asshole, as if you'd want anything more to do with him (who are you kidding you totally do but that's not the point!!) Much less be "human buddies" with him via trolling him backwards, if anything that should just make you hate him more because of the obliviousness that would bring, what's the point in any of this but to gain a hand over him? Why would you even be helping him in the first place??
CG: THESE ARE LIES.
CG: I KNOW WHEN I AM BEING TROLLED, WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO HERE.
CG: I AM YOUR GOD, REMEMBER.
EB: yeah yeah, i know.
CG: WHY WOULD I TROLL YOU BACKWARDS? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.
CG: AND WHY WOULD I HELP YOU AND YOUR IDIOT FRIENDS?
CG: I WOULD JUST BE HELPING YOU BLUNDER DOWN THE PATH THAT ENDS WITH YOU OPENING THE RIFT LIKE A BUNCH OF MORONS.
EB: you mean the scratch?
CG: WHATEVER.
EB: yes! that is the plan.
EB: you yourself said it was the only hope now.
You bang your head on the wall near you momentarily. You hear Terezi gratingly cackle from somewhere nearby, you think, youre not sure as you are still too busy banging your head on the wall from the sheer idiocracy of this situation.
CG: RIDICULOUS.
CG: I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY.
CG: THAT WAS SEVERAL WEEKS AGO, OK?
EB: heheheh.
CG: I DO NOT THINK YOU APPRECIATE THE GRAVITY OF MY ANTIPATHY, JOHN HUMAN.
EB: egbert.
CG: OK, HUMAN EGBERT.
CG: I FUCKING LOATHE YOU, AND I HAVE TUNED INTO YOUR CHANNEL MOMENTS BEFORE THE ERADICATION OF YOUR TIMELINE AND THAT SMUG LOOK ON YOUR FACE, WITH JUST ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO BASICALLY COMPLETELY FUCKING DESTROY YOU WITH HOSTILE RHETORIC.
CG: THERE IS NO CHANCE I WILL EVER HELP YOU.
CG: YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU OR WHY I HATE YOU.
CG: I WASN'T JOKING WHEN I SAID I WAS YOUR GOD, LIKE THAT WASN'T JUST A LOT OF BRAVADO AND USELESS PISSING AROUND.
CG: I AM LITERALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EXISTENCE.
CG: WE BEAT THE GAME YOU ARE PLAYING AND CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: WE WERE GOING TO ENTER YOUR UNIVERSE AND RULE OVER IT.
CG: LIKE TYRANTS.
CG: IT WAS TO BE OUR PLAYTHING, JOHN.
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SWEET IT WAS GOING TO BE.
CG: BUT THEN WE COULDN'T CLAIM OUR PRIZE BECAUSE OF THAT MONSTROSITY YOU SPRUNG ON US.
You briefly reminisce upon the not-so-very-long-ago times when you thought you were actually going to beat this cursed game, when you thought you had actually done something right for once in your leading and finally found your calling as a leader, only for all of those hopes to get shattered and crushed with the paralyzing fear as these pink-skinned aliens absolutely ruin it with their collective ineptitude you can somehow say is even worse than your own group.
EB: man...
EB: i knoooow.
His dismissiveness, it's so charmingly frustrating.
EB: none of this is news to me, karkat!
EB: but to be quite honest, it doesn't sound like your intentions were all that great.
EB: wanting to be tyrants and all.
EB: maybe you got what you deserved, you stutid fuckass!
You squinted your eyes for a split second at the typo. Is he seriously unable to spell basic words? His ineptitude cannot go that far.
CG: STUTID?
CG: WOW, YOUR SPECIES REALLY IS BRAINDEAD.
EB: eh, it's an in-joke, never mind.
EB: anyway, hey!
EB: i thought this was supposed to be the conversation where you do all that AMAAAAAZING TROLLING!
EB: come on bro, flame me!
EB: i have been really excited about this.
The taunting blue text glows and reflects on your eyes, your fingers uneasily tapping on the desk next to your computer, you swear you could have felt your face flush red upon scanning the message. Your mouth going uncomfortably dry in comparison to how it was just a few breaths ago, your brows knit together in succinct vexation, this is just a misunderstanding, right? It's not like you truly hate him or anything! he's just.. A very annoying variable in this whole session clusterfuck, and since you don't have any caliginous quadrantmates, clearly this is simply a deal of desperation and nothing else. You're the quadrant expert, you know how things work when it comes to this.
CG: YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO TROLL YOU?
CG: I MEAN
CG: DON'T WORRY, I CAN AND I WILL, AND IT WILL BE A GODDAMN BLOODBATH WHEN I GET STARTED.
CG: IT'S JUST KIND OF WEIRD YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT IT, IS THAT NORMAL FOR YOUR RACE?
You supposed the quadrants ended up somewhat bleeding over into the universe you created aswell, maybe this is their version of blackrom flirting? Of course, sometimes certain blackroms can be playful. But it's really far from one of the participants being in such an accepting and willing mindset to get hated... Not that any of this matters, definitely not.
EB: um...
EB: i don't know, probably not.
EB: i just think it's kind of funny when you do it.
There it is.
He's totally clawing to be in a kismessistude with you.
CG: THAT'S REALLY CONDESCENDING AND IT'S HARD TO CONVEY HOW MUCH MORE I JUST GOT PISSED OFF THAN I ALREADY WAS.
CG: BUT MAYBE IT MAKES SENSE ACTUALLY
CG: THAT YOU WELCOME MY ACRIMONY SO READILY
CG: ON ACCOUNT OF PROBABLY SOME WEIRD GLAND HUMANS HAVE, LIKE A PUNISHMENT THROBBER OR SOME SILLY SOUNDING THING LIKE THAT.
CG: IT MIGHT MEAN THAT I'M RIGHT ABOUT YOU.
It couldn't be, could it?
EB: right about what?
Oh. don't play coy, John Egbert.
CG: I MEAN THAT IT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE CONNECTED IN SOME WAY, DON'T YOU THINK JOHN.
It all makes sense, two rivaling leaders of importance, fighting to be the better, fighting to have their teams triumph over the other. Why else would it all be like this? This had to be fate. It had to be happenstance, serendipity, kismet.
CG: SORT OF COSMICALLY.
CG: LIKE OUR HATE FOR EACH OTHER IS SO STRONG IT MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN IN THE STARS.
CG: YOU KNOW, THE ONES I FUCKING MADE FOR YOU.
You're not actually going to be in a kismessistude with him so soon.. He's a human afterall, but fuck if you don't want to indulge in some of his flirtations.
EB: ha ha, i don't hate you!
You stare in disorientation, temporarily getting caught offguard by the clear rejection, you mean, statement that has absolutely nothing romantic involved with it at all nope nope nope nope.
He doesn't hate you?
CG: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CLAIM TO HAVE TALKED TO ME A LOT ALREADY AND NOT HATE ME, SEE IT DOESN'T ADD UP.
EB: wait...
EB: are you saying that we are kisme-whatevers?
Your heart skips a beat, that same breathlessness from before returning, you need to stay on track here. These feelings.. They're nothing. They don't even matter all that much! They don't even matter at all, what the hell was past you thinking about when gushing all over this boy?
CG: WHAT, NO.
You defend yourself.
CG: WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, THAT WOULD BE SUCH A BRAZEN SOLICITATION.
CG: IT'S INSULTING.
Before you very extremely subtly decide to take back some of your words.
<
CG: I MEAN
CG: OK I'M NOT SAYING I'M RULING OUT THE IDEA OR ANYTHING.
CG: LIKE IF LATER OVER TIME YOU STARTED REALLY HATING ME MORE
CG: LIKE REALLY GOT TO KNOW ME AND FOUND OUT ABOUT HOW MUCH THERE WAS TO HATE
Fuck. you were spewing bullshit at this point weren't you? Your eyes momentarily catch on the wall beside you, nervousness seeping into your body and soul, as you attempted to somehow fix or salvage whatever this was. You hated him.
EB: er...
CG: BUT... IN THE PAST I GUESS? I'M JUST SAYING WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN.
CG: OR HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.
The whole time stuff always hurt your head, but maybe if future you, or past you, was useful and not a tool for once..
EB: uh.
CG: FUCK WHAT AM I BABBLING ABOUT.
CG: THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WE JUST MET FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
CG: AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EVER GOING TO MEET IN PERSON, SO IT'S ALL A MOOT POINT.
CG: SO FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.
CG: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
You needed to kill yourself, like, right now.
EB: well...
EB: i just didn't really have any idea that you had any sort of feelings like that, so i am kind of caught off guard.
Your spine straightens up, almost as if locking up at those words, you bite your bottom lip as the same blush as before floods your face once more, you can almost hear Terezi sniffing somewhere near you.
CG: WHAT FEELINGS, THERE ARE NO FEELINGS, END OF DISCUSSION.
Oh God.
EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!
Oh God.
EB: it is just that, uh...
CG: WHAT
You always knew you weren't built for any kind of quadrantships, it's like they're all always doomed, of course if you interacted with this doofus in the past he's not going to want to be in a quadrant with you, what were you fucking thinking?? Quadrants, as much as you love them, are a fucking pain in your ass, and yet it always ends up being your fault, because you are always to blame, what the hell is wro-
EB: i am not a homosexual.
. . .
You freeze, before slowly unfreezing to move your unsure digits back on the keyboard, your eyebrow shooting up.
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
EB: it is like, when a boy likes another boy.
EB: or i guess hates, in this case.
You have never heard anything more fucking stupid than this, and you best believe you've heard shit that only clinically underdeveloped people would say.
CG: HUMANS HAVE A WORD FOR THAT?
EB: yes.
CG: HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING?
EB: shrug. it just is.
CG: HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD.
Human romance, you guess your quadrants didn't end up bleeding over afterall. You can't help but feel a tinge of dissapointment tug at your heartstrings, and yet somewhere deep down muddled between that, a light, but very, very real, gust of thrill.
EB: i am just as confused by your troll shenanigans.
EB: so many shenanigans!
You watch as Johns sleek fingers click the keys on his red keyboard, dragging your eyes along the sentences, this atleast tells you that he knows about the quadrants out of "kisme-whatevers" but it's really not that complicated.
Okay maybe it is but you are very VERY well-versed in this topic and you'll be fucked if you will let yourself succumb to the complex system bestowed upon your species, it is your obligation to help any poor unfortunate troll get their mack on and get their mack on properly.
EB: anyway, i kind of got the impression that you and terezi were a thing.
What the fuck???
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A THING.
EB: like, i dunno.
EB: going on weird fight dates and beating the crap out of each other, and being in hate-love or love-hate.
EB: isn't that how it works?
Your mouth curls downwards into a teethed frown, baring your fangs in obvious anger, rolling your eyes at the blatanly illiterate illustration of troll romance shown right infront of you.
CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORAMUS I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.
EB: ew.
CG: WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO, WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT.
Those losers, you swear you can't leave them alone for any fucking amount of time before they start telling everybody about what sort of romantic interests you might be indulging, you *might* be indulging.
EB: um, i talked to you...
EB: and her...
EB: and some others. i don't know! like i said it's just a sense i got.
EB: sorry!
CG: OK FIRST OF ALL, IF THERE WERE A "THING" WITH HER, AND THAT'S A HUGE IF
CG: IT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT QUADRANT THAN WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT.
"Hate-love" "love-hate" is paradoxical anyway.
EB: oh god, the quadrants...
You briefly consider if this is how Gamzee feels when his cult gets insulted, before quickly throwing away any possible empathy you could have garnered from that thought proccess.
CG: SECOND, WHETHER SHE AND I HAVE A THING OR DON'T HAVE A THING, OR TOOK A ROMANTIC HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE SUSPENDED IN A GODDAMN FILIAL PAIL TOGETHER
CG: IT'S DEFINITELY NONE OF YOUR FUCKING EARTH BUSINESS, EGBERT HUMAN JOHN.
CG: GOT IT????????
EB: ok, sheesh!
EB: karkat, i am going to be honest...
EB: this first conversation is not going how i thought it would at all!
EB: it is really kind of...
EB: awkward.
You sit there, the room in the meteor getting unbearably quiet outside of the silent noise of some of the others clicking their keys or mouses, seemingly conversing with some of the other human beings. And while usually you'd be absolutely delighted at this shift, in your current situation it just kind of makes you wanna die of utter embarassment and humiliation for ever and ever.
CG: YEAH
CG: WOW, IT IS
EB: yeah...
CG: HUH.
EB: well...
EB: um...
You nervously bite your fingernail.
CG: OK, LOOK.
You take charge, as always that is.
CG: LET'S JUST AGREE TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.
CG: THE STUFF I WAS BABBLING ABOUT EARLIER.
EB: yeah, well we never really talked about it in the past, so i guess we do agree to that.
CG: BUT IF I TALK TO YOU AGAIN
CG: IN YOUR FUTURE, LIMITED THOUGH IT IS
CG: YOU'LL REMEMBER MY EMBARRASSING SHIT
Goddamit, you don't have any other way of escaping this, do you?
CG: SO I GUESS
CG: I'LL HAVE TO TROLL YOU BACKWARDS?
EB: told you bro!!!!!!!
EB: hahahaha.
You detest him.
CG: YOU REALLY ARE A SMUG NOOK WHIFFER, JOHN EGBERT.
CG: I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD GET BACK ON POINT HERE
CG: WHICH IS ADDRESSING THE MATTER OF WHAT INCOMPREHENSIBLY PUTRID GARBAGE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE AND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.
EB: you mean platonic hate?
Your face reddens.
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT, REMEMBER.
EB: oh yeah.
CG: SO YOU WANTED TO GET TROLLED, WELL YOU GOT IT.
CG: PREPARE TO GET YOUR PUNY HUMAN BULGE FLAMED INTO NUCLEAR HATEBLIVION.
CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.
EB: oh boy, this sounds great.
EB: but...
EB: we're out of time
EB: i have to go put this plan into motion.
You growl in real life, earning a few stares towards your way from Sollux on your right, and a manically grinning Terezi looking at you behind you on your left, giggling like an insane person. You quickly start typing before your face reddens more, and also before she starts bothering you about what (or who) you're growling at in that annoying questioning voice like you're a criminal getting interrogated.
CG: OH I SEE, TAKING THE COWARD'S WAY OUT.
CG: SCAMPERING OFF TO GET ANNIHILATED BY A DEADLY RIFT, HOW CONVENIENT.
CG: WELL FINE, SAYONARA YOU WORTHLESS CROTCHSTAINED BARFPUPPET.
CG: I WILL BID YOU ONE FIRST AND FINAL FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN EGBERT.
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE JOKE BOOK YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: FUCK.
CG: FUCKING.
CG: YOU.
EB: :D
EB: see you soon!
A brief promise of fear flashes in your mind, along with a pang of befuddlement.
CG: WAIT
CG: WHAT
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [GC]
Right as the sound of the conversation ending appears, Terezi is right by your side, looking at the dialogue between you and the John human, you jump, startled, and immediately attempt to cover the screen with your two gray hands.
This ends in Terezi taking a good lick of your hand as you promptly take them back, "Jesus, Pyrope!" You yell out, hastily wiping off the saliva on your hand, she looks very un-affected by your evident disgust. "Who were you talking with Karkklleeess?" She asks, the tone in her voice pivoting to the one she often uses when she makes fun of you, and yet being this close to her...
You very quickly shut down that thought, pushing her away from you. "None of your fucking business, get off me!" She ends up just licking the hand you are pushing her away with, an audible "eugh" coming out of your mouth, you attempt to pull it away from her but she keeps your hand firmly planted in her mouth.
"Get off my hand or I'll kick you off!" You tell her, she doesn't seem to care.. Nah, it's. Uh.. Too much trouble to kick her off. That's right. It's not like you're scared or don't want to do it, that'd be absurd frankly.
"So.. Karkaat.." She gives your now salivated over hand a break to talk with you, or so you thought, as you began to pay attention to her and forgot that your screen still had the pesterlog between you and John Egbert open, she quickly got to licking your screen.
You blush, "What the fuck??" You try to get her away from your monitor screen, "Wow Karkat! I can't believe y-" You quickly shut her mouth, clamping your salivated hand over her mouth, to which she responds by licking at the inside of your hand once more. You grimace at this, your agitation growing with each minute that passes, you glare at her warningly, a word of caution, and yet, wether Terezi can somehow smell it or not, she doesn't seem to care, you roll your eyes once more and give up with a heavy sigh.
After a moment a notification gets heard from her computer, and she leaves to her own deal, you look towards her this time with what is practically the opposite of a glare, you gaze over her silhuoette, looking at her. You and her.. You're pretty sure something's developing, something red, even if you two argue like grubs, it's all platonic. Yet you're not sure if you can or should move on so easily from John, maybe if you try hard enough he could be turned non-heterosexual?
No, that's stupid. You should just move on, you won't get John to be in hate with you, so what?
Ugh, you really did get rejected, horribly.
At the current moment, you are locked up in your room looking over your pile-mix of DVDs and rom-novels, you pick one of the heavy books up, the cover depicts two trolls on the main cover, as the two main characters in it, standing infront of each other, their hands intertwined together, with a half-split spade and half-split heart above the two of them. John doesn't like guys, somehow that's a thing that occurs for humans apparently enough. Your mind is confused, you've definitely underestimated how alien these humans are and how unlike they are from you, and more specifically, your romance.
You throw down the book into the DVD and book pile, making sure to not actually damage it though, it's a pretty good fucking book, even if the vocabulary used at times might be too flowery and thorny, you settle down on a couch, that you're pretty sure is like quite literally the most uncomfortable couch in both of the universes you're aware of, and open your laptop that was previously positioned on the red couch infront of you, you promptly use it by the way it is supposed to be and put it on your lap, you're sure humans atleast have piracy sites, even if they don't have seadweller pirates that like to steal not only treasures but also culture..
After a bit of fooling the fuck around and getting probably about like a lot of human viruses that are most likely inferior as all hell to your very advanced troll technology, you found a working site.. There are quite alot of romance films, you have to somewhat admit, but definitely nowhere near the amount you have, once again proving humanity as the inferior species once more, who could've guessed?
A lot of these have only female and male humans on the covers, you guess John wasn't lying about the deal where humans only like one specific gender, but how did humans not ever get bored like this? There are only so many ways you can spin different-gender couples, and these titles are truly far too short.
You click on one of them with a soft click of your mousepad.
It's not quite what you expected, it's very mediocre, but also very, very, fucking amazing.
It's subvertive, revolutionary even, without any quadrants, just one "quadrant" for the humans which seems to take on different aspects of each quadrant, the infamous third wheel seeming to be a trope stemming from auspisticism, but with the subversive tropes it's almost sometimes an auspistice that's not exclusive to caliginous quadrants.
It is so alien and you love it.
And yet, it is so annoying.
In the books, the prose is often lackluster, feeling as though alot of the plot is based on some weird obligations the author "has" towards the subsidiary human population, often confusing and long language consisting of things that had no particular significance, the romance was almost always bland and kept leaning on similiar ideas as the others, however you did -- begrudgingly -- enjoy some of the literary works, oh dear, sweet, human Bella Swan.
All of the missed opportunities between characters purely because they're both the same gender when obviously they would work out some times even better than the original pairing intended by the author, and why? You couldn't figure out the reasoning behind this other than "HUMANS ARE STUPID", so you decided that that was a good enough explanation.
A lot of human courting didn't appear to be too complex, of course there are different flirting styles, and some flirting is more based on pailing and sexiness, while some was based on gentleness and eloquent comfort, that felt far too pale for you to take seriously, especially when the entire movie was setting the main pairing up to be a matespritship, or atleast something conciliatory, it wasn't what you knew, it wasn't what you planned for.
It was all too confusing, unfamiliar, you didn't belong in this category of romance films, and yet it was so alluring, something forbidden about forgoing the entirety of quadrants in its entirety, a forbidden romance was rare back in Alternia aswell, the highbloods were not much glad to hear of books about low-bloods and high-bloods coupling up in forbidden romances, and while it wasn't entirely banned, it was pretty supervised, and most who wrote such works were kept under Her Imperious Condencension's watchful eye.
But, no quadrants was a whole new can of dirt noodles, quadrants were necessary, you needed quadrants.
But to feel a romance that didn't stay within the bounds of safe tradition, one that pushed you out of your comfort zone more than ever..
Those square glasses on the main character...
You were utterly aswell as completely fucked.