Chapter Text
Yes
He had said yes.
Olesya sat beside his bed, watching him sleep, monitors keeping track of everything.
Stratt had looked exhausted when she had called them to her office, two days before the launch. She told them that Grace had agreed, but had requested to be placed into the coma early. In case he panicked. From what she told them, he worried he would overthink things and try running.
While Grace did have a tendency to overthink, oftentimes to his detriment, Olesya found something about what Stratt said to be…off.
It had taken a full day to finally get the woman to let her know where Grace was, and the sight of him on the bed was a shock. A punch to the gut as all of this became very real in a way that words had not prepared her for.
Grace was going to space with them.
It was wrong. Olesya was sure of that. She loved the man, but he had no desire for this. Even with their last talk, before he had gone to think, he had been scared. To change his mind so easily was possible. Unlikely, but possible.
But to be sent to sleep like this early? It reeked of conspiracy.
At this moment, however, that wasn’t anything that could stop what was going to happen.
Oh, she could tell Yao her thoughts, which weren’t even a really solid conclusion. Grace had been the first to admit that he had no desire to make this trip. Even a few weeks ago he had admitted he just didn’t understand how they could do this.
But that was before everything. Before a mistake killed both of their science officers. One that could have killed Grace as well. He had mentioned the pair had invited him to check out some experiments, but Stratt had wanted to ask about how he thought DuBois and Shapiro were doing.
A dull ache of grief tightened around her gut. She had liked both of them, and for them to be gone, just like that.
And now she was going to have another family member die. This one with her in a far away place, where neither of them would feel the sun on their face again.
She reached out and took Grace’s hand in hers. It was warm, still in a way that she had never really seen him. Grace was constantly in motion, always doing something. To see him so quiet and lax, breathing slower than she had ever seen it. Even when she had seen him sleeping before, there was an energy around him.
Now, the part that made him Grace was gone. Buried deep into sleep. All that was here was the body. The soul was already gone until they reached Tau Ceti and the robots woke it up again.
She wanted him to wake up. To hear for herself that he agreed. That he had said yes.
He would not.
She could protest. Demand that Stratt reverse this, to wake him up. Two things stopped her.
The first was that the coma was not something to play with. They were supposed to go under once, and wake up once. They apparently had tested for the chance of waking up and going back under, and it had scrambled monkey brains.
Since the entire reason that Grace was going was for his brain, that was not going to happen.
She could still try to refuse to go on the mission. But that led to the second thing.
Yao and her? They were replaceable. Their secondaries were fine, alive and well and kept in a separate location from them now, just in case. If either of them protested Grace’s mysterious agreement and request, Stratt would simply replace them.
She frowned.
Stratt was determined to launch on schedule. Olesya got it. She really did. She also knew how ruthlessly practical the woman was.
Grace was going to space.
“See you when we wake up,” she told her. “I am sneaking vodka on board. We will have Russian night.”
There was no way she was going to let him go to space with people who were friendly enough, but who did not love Grace. Not happening. She was big sister and would not allow it.
Standing with one last squeeze of her hand around him, she moved to press a kiss against his forehead. His ridiculously fluffy hair tickled her cheek, and she smiled.
“Going to make others jealous I got to kiss you and they don’t,” Olesya teased gently, even if he couldn’t hear her.
Well, she’d have to repeat it when they were all awake on the other side. His blush and flail would be adorable.
Then she left the room.
Less than a day to launch.
Zone
The entire thing was rough. Grace had been so careful when he had dressed them. They had been his friends, he was sure of it. There was even one picture of him and Ilyukhina in her things. They had seemed friendly, both smiling and probably very drunk, given their expressions, but they seemed happy leaning against each other and grinning at the camera.
Far more than his one sad picture in his bag.
Both those pictures, as well as one of Yao and who was likely his family, were part of the little thing Grace had set up, with drawings from children. Ones from his class, he was pretty sure.
Memorial to what he left behind.
The rest of the photos had been left with the people who had cherished them.
Yao had been gone longer, that was easy enough to see. Some part of Grace thought he should feel more squeamish handling a body. But he hadn’t. It had taken time, but he had managed to get the man into his flight suit. It was something that he had earned. They had died on a mission to save everyone, and Grace should do both of them the honors of being buried in uniform.
When it came time to dress Ilyukhina, he found himself in tears. His throat had gone tight as he carefully tended to her, hands shaking. He had not been rough with Yao, no, but Grace found himself taking extra care with Ilyukhina.
They had been close. He knew that. From the photo and the way looking at her tore at him, he -knew- they had been close.
He had to take a moment after he finished dressing her. Had to step away to just scream into the quiet of the ship for a moment. There was so much -anger- in his chest. Rage and grief and things that didn’t even have a name clawed at him until he just screamed it out.
Nobody would hear him anyway.
They shouldn’t be dead. He was furious at the universe for a moment that two people who should still be alive were gone. How dare the universe leave him alive and take away people who were important to him. To leave him alone here.
To take his family away.
Then he had broken down into tears.
She definitely shouldn't be gone.
He desperately wished he could remember more. Because she felt… important. He just couldn’t remember why.
Taking a moment, Grace had brushed her hair. It was surprisingly soft. He half expected it to be brittle in death, but it looked like she had only been gone for a short time. She was gone and would never know about this. But the thought of sending her on with tangled hair just…. He couldn’t.
They had both been so light in his arms.
He had spoken words for them. He wanted to give them the sending off they deserved. But he couldn’t remember them.
Finally sending them out took a bit. He felt like he was in a fog, his body and his mind in different zones of reality. Keeping them on the ship was impossible. Especially now that he was moving and stirring the air up more and more.
Letting them go was the only answer.
First Yao. That was bad enough, watching him fall behind as the Mary continued on.
Then Grace needed a moment before sending Ilyukhina out. He had brushed his fingertips along her forehead, needing that one last touch. He wished he remembered. Because there was so much he was missing. It had to be important, giving the ache in his chest and the way the urge to scream again was pressing hard against his throat.
Instead, he had to let her go. No matter how much he didn’t want to.
She had loved the stars. She would like to be out here with them.
Grace watched until he could no longer see either of them.
Then he went to owe Ilyukhina one more bag of vodka.