Chapter Text
The day goes bad before he even arrives at work.
Scratch that, the day goes bad before he even leaves for work!
Penny wakes them all up at 4:30 in the morning, screaming and crying all her little heart out and refusing to settle, no matter what they do.
He manages to lull Tanner back to sleep with a story and a promise of an ice cream in the weekend, then finally convince Abby to do the same after she’s desperately been going over the entire list of what could be bothering her one month old baby without any success.
It doesn’t take long for Frank to understand why.
Penny has a fever. Slight. But there.
The familiar parental dread immediately takes root within him, stopping him from being able to go back to sleep once he knows. He spends the next hour religiously checking her temperature and making sure she stays well hydrated.
By 5:40 am, her fever starts rising again and Frank knows he has to get her checked out. He is too involved, already panicking. He needs another opinion. He wakes Abby and Tanner after having called Ms Whitman, Tanner’s best friend’s mom, with whom the boy was supposed to spend the day. He explains the situation to her and before he has even finished she is already urging him to come and leave the boy with them early so he can take care of their new baby.
His 7 months leave from the Pitt means he doesn’t have an access to the ED anymore, not yet. But desperate times make for desperate measures and he doesn’t even hesitate before calling Abbot’s number.
He would have called Shen but he doesn’t know if the man is on shift this night. He hasn’t had any news from anyone but Dana, Perlah, Princess and Mel in all this time but if there is one sure thing when it comes to the night shift, it’s that Abbot will be there.
The man is a worse workaholic than Robby.
He already has everyone buckled up and is pulling out of his parking spot when the veteran answers, the shock clear in his voice at having Frank call him just hours before his first shift back.
“Hey, I need a favor.” Frank immediately starts, not taking the time to be polite, not with Penny still screaming her little lungs out in her seat. “I have a one month old with a fever, I-I cant-I’m too close to-I need one of you to look her over.” he confesses, shame and fear thick in his voice.
Abbot, thank the gods, doesn’t hesitate in the slightest. “Of course. Come by the back door, one of us will be waiting for you. What’s your ETA?”
“I’m dropping Tanner at one of his friends right now, the mom knows. Shouldn’t take me more than five so… I’d say 20 minutes? I was supposed to have my access remade today.”
“That’s ok, I’ll keep my phone close. You can just call me back if no one’s there. And I’ll have Crus keep an eye on the door. Jesus kid! You choose one hell of a way to come back!”
Frank chuckles despite himself. “Tell me about it.”
He pulls into the ambulance bay, parking his car in what is usually Robby’s spot, exactly 22 minutes after he last spoke to the man. As promised, Crus is right there, waiting for him. He transfers Penny to him at once, making the presentation while they are being directed into the room. “Crus, Abby. Penny’s mom. Abby, Crus. He and Abbot are going to take care of Penny.” Once Penny is laid up in their Pedes room, his fellow R4 already working on her, he finally turns around to run a hand on Abby’s cheek, caressing his little girl the way he used to do when she was still a young child and needed to be soothed. “It’s gonna be okay sweety, they’re going to take good care of her.”
Abbot arrives soon after, nodding to Frank and his daughter, already focusing on the baby now in their care. He and Crus take their time checking the baby girl over, not willing to risk missing anything, explaining everything to Abby as they work and keeping their surprise to themselves when his little girl makes it clear she understands their acronyms and doesn't need them to overexplain everything.
Now that Penny is in good hands and his trepidation is finally starting to go down, Frank can’t stop the snort that escapes him at Abby’s way to assert herself. Abbot only raises an eyebrow at him, quipping. “Planning to make a doctor out of her, Langdon?”
“Not if I can help it. But she’s gone to sleep with me reciting medical books to her more than once.” he shrugs at the two men's disbelief. “Money was tight, I didn't have enough to buy more than my school supplies and food.”
He hates the look of pity Abbot sends his way. Hates it with a passion! A snarl fights to break out of him and it's all he can do to keep it contained. The veteran just did him a huge favor. Is still doing him a huge favor. Frank can damn well choke on his pride if it means Penny gets preferential treatment.
Xxxx
“Am I hallucinating or has Langdon just parked in my spot?” Is the first thing that comes out of Robby’s mouth when he arrives.
Dana rolls her eyes at the attending, amused by the mix between befuddled mirth and annoyance in his voice.
“Don’t be an ass. He’s had one hell of a start for his first day back.”
At Robby’s raised eyebrow, she clarifies. “Kid’s been here since 6am-ish. Abby’s daughter got a fever. He called Abbot in a panic, asking for help.”
The chief attending winces at the information. “Just perfect.” He mutters crossly. “Is he going to be able to get back in the saddle or is he going to be distracted all day?”
He pretends to miss the three identical glowers he receives in response. Neither Perlah, Princess nor Dana able to believe what they’ve just heard.
Xxxx
“Dr Langdon!!” Mel's enthusiastic greeting is a breath of fresh air after the stress of his arrival and Frank feels something unwind in him at her giddiness, tension bleeding out of his frame as he clings to her hand for a second, ignoring their colleagues’ amused expression.
“Hello Dr King” he smiles, wanting to say more, to ask more, but mindful of not attracting any more attention on them than they already are.
Mel beats him to the punch, her concern superseding her usual discretion.
“I just saw Abby in Pedes, is everything alright?”
Frank's smile turns strained. Here go his chances at keeping his daughter's presence in the Pitt on the low! The resident can feel their coworkers’ gaze burning in his neck as he opts not to look at any of them when he answers.
“Penny’s got a fever. Abbot and Crus looked her over and got her on antibiotics but we're still waiting for some results to be back. Just to make sure we're not missing anything. They were nice enough to let Abby stay with her. Which, I guess means one of you” at that he turns towards the rest of the physicians assembled there “will take her case over.”
It's Shen who comments first.
“Not keeping that one for yourself, Langdon?”
Frank just shakes his head. “Too close. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I missed something.”
He doesn't have the time to appreciate McKay’s compassionate look before Robby comes down onto their group, looking at them expectantly. “Are we talking about little Miss Penny? So, who gets the honor of taking care of Langdon's granddaughter?”
Frank stiffens, swallowing around the burning humiliation that spreads through him at the callous way Robby just outed him to every person within earshot. He doesn't look at anyone, too afraid of what he'll find there if he does.
He misses McKay raising her eyebrows incredulously, Shen’s pole-axed blinking or Santos’ and Mohan’s furious disbelief on his account.
Mel rests her hand on his forearm once more, in silent support, and he gratefully sinks into her steady presence. He knew hoping to keep this between him and the physician who would be in charge of Penny’s case was kind of utopic. But this is definitely NOT the way he would have wanted to explain his situation to anyone!
What's gotten into Robby??
Xxxx
Frank is just coming out of the Pedes room after having checked on Abby when he is greeted by a woman with long, curly hair he has no memories of.
“Dr Langdon?”
“Yes?”
“Dr Al-Hashimi, I will be your Chief attending while Dr Robby is on sabbatical.” Robby?! On a sabbatical?! Since when? Why has he not heard about that before?
“Pleased to meet you.” He opts for, his mind reeling at the idea of his boss leaving the ED. The woman doesn’t take offense to his tentative answer, smiling reassuringly at him.
“I just wanted to be able to greet you in person before the chaos of the day completely starts. Also, I must say, I am pleased to see you return to us. I have been informed of the reason for your leave. It is a remarkable thing to do and I am grateful you accepted to come back earlier to help us compensate for how short-staffed we are.”
Frank can barely manage a weak smile at her straightforwardness. “I don’t know if everyone would see it as remarkable. I am sure there is more than one person who would not hesitate to tell me I brought this upon myself.”
No matter how much he loves Abby. There will always be a part of him who is ashamed. Who has internalized long ago how bad of a dad he had to be, to become one so young.
He still feels them.
Every look, every judgement, every comment made behind his back, made to his face.
Selfish. Failure. Whore. Disappointment. Slut. Disgrace. Irresponsible.
He has one too many memories of med school professors thinking that him having a child meant they could ask him to put out if he wanted better grades. They had always been so crass about it, too.
He learnt very quickly that it was better to hide this part of himself. To let as little people as possible in the know.
And now Abby was here.
In the Pitt.
All of seventeen with her own daughter.
There is no words to express how terrified Frank is of his colleagues’ reactions.
Robby had not handled the news very well, despite making plans to adjust to his need to leave when Abby had started having complications during her second trimester. He’d griped and grumbled and had made it very clear he was not going to help Frank maintain his R4. That the young man would just have to redo his year when he would be back.
Frank had acquiesced to every one of his demands. No matter how bitterly he’d acted, Robby had still done more for him than anyone ever had before, making sure that Abby would be seen by someone in their network, ensuring Frank would not have to cover additional expenses, and had defended his case to the board tooth and nail. And while he had to start his residency year over at the Pitt, Frank had still been able to follow his classes and finish this part of his cursus while on leave, which was definitely an appreciated bonus as it meant an easier load to bear as he was helping his daughter get settled and find an online school to enroll in.
Her previous highschool had expressed quite strongly that a teenage mom was not the image they were trying to maintain.
Dr Al-Hashimi’s hand on his forearm brings him out of his memories as she nods encouragingly at him. “Any person who chooses to step up should be seen as remarkable, regardless of their age. But if your situation poses a problem to some of your colleagues, I would like to be made aware of it if you please.”
He hesitates, then agrees, uncertain if he will actually say anything.
He has learnt to keep his head down about this part of his life a long time ago.
Xxxx
For some reason, Whitaker seems to think he should be the one prescribing their patient’s treatment. Frank scoffs.
“Why? Worried I forgot how our softwares work Whitaker?”
The man (boy, really, with all his stammering and hesitation) stiffens imperceptibly, not looking at him as he stutters an excuse, but Frank is no idiot.
He has seen the look on his face before. More than once. Judgement. He should have expected it from the resident originating from rural Nebraska.
Still, if childish Whitaker thinks he can behave like that with him and won't get exactly what's coming for him, he's got another thing coming.
Frank can play the alpha buddy posturing too if he wants.
Xxxx
Louie dies.
Louie fucking dies.
Louie who told him how to handle plants and pets less than an hour ago. Whose emergency contact is the fucking ED. Who wanted to see the fireworks.
Louie dies and Frank takes refuge into the Pedes room, frightening his poor girl with the state he is in. “Dad?!”
He engulfed her in a hug, squeezing her tight against him and inhaling in the peach-scented conditioner she’d begged for for her last birthday, all the more mindful of their expenses now that she’s seen first hand the prices of baby paraphernalia.
He lets go once his heart stops beating so loudly he is hearing his blood pumping. “Sorry about that sweety.” Then, turning his head toward Penny. “How is she?”
“The antibiotics Dr Abbot gave seems to work. She’s been real quiet. Catching up on sleep I suppose. Her fever dropped.”
He squeezes her shoulder one more time, just as Abby squeezes his waist. “Good. That’s good. Sorry about that. I better get back to it.”
And with a kiss to her brow he lets her settle back into the armchair to watch over her baby girl. If he ignores Robby’s look at seeing him come out of Pedes, well the chief attending hasn’t really made him want to go anywhere near him so far.
Xxxx
Nothing could have prepared him for the man he has to face on the roof of PTMC, while they wait for medevac to land.
There isn't a moment, there isn't a place in the world nor in any universe where he could have expected Robby to have turned into such a stranger.
He certainly did not think the attending would be extatic. Not after all the problem his personal situation had caused. But the man in front of him…
Frank doesn't know that man.
“You asked for the time off and I found a way to give it to you. I don't know what else you want from me. I think I am allowed to worry about whether or not you are cut out for this Department, though.”
The words hurt something fierce. So now Robby doesn't trust him in his ED because he made the mistake of needing time off to help his daughter?
A stinging sensation in his eyes makes him realize how very close to crying he is. His throat is so tight he can't get a sentence out at first, like a fist is squeezing his vocal chords and trachea hard enough to hurt him.
“So what? Now I’m not good enough for you?”
“You clearly have a lot to deal with. I can't expect your mind to be on the game. Grandpa is a demanding role. You're going to be very busy.”
The condescension in his voice makes Frank's hand twitch in a phantom to desire to punch him, to hurt the attending the way Robby is hurting him. Instead he retorts, voice cracking. “It could be you, you know?”
Robby offers him a cynical smile. “I have not been reproducing as soon as I learnt what the stick between my legs could be used for, Langdon.”
Frank wants to throw up. Who is this man? He doesn't recognize the Robby who once took him under his wing. Doesn't find an ounce of the kindness or understanding he was known for. What the hell happened in these 7 months?
“You could be hers.” He pushes on, lower lip trembling, voice high and quivering, forcing the attending to listen to him. “You could be Abby's and Tanner's weird Uncle Robby, or their Aba. You could be Penny’s grandpa. Whatever you'd be comfortable with. I’ve always wanted you in my life. We’ve always wanted you in our life. All it would take is for you to show up. To stop fucking posturing! But I guess that's a bit too much to ask.”
For one second, he believes he’s gotten through. That Robby is listening. There is such a naked anguish in his face that Frank is afraid he is going to crumble right there and then, in the middle of the helipad.
Then it is gone.
Shut away behind a cynical mask.
Frank doesn’t know how to reach him.
Xxxx
“Soooo.” McKay starts, and Frank already dreads what the follow up is going to be. “How is your first day back going?”
He cringes slightly. So this is how they’re going to play it. “Oh, you know. Taking it as it comes” he answered vaguely.
“Yeah?” She perches herself on the counter, close enough to him to be heard without having to raise her voice but still leaving enough space that Frank won’t feel like she is pressuring him. “I’m really fucking sorry for Robby’s comment this morning. That was uncalled for.”
He can’t stop the snort that bolts out of his nose. “Yeah well… Robby’s been saying a lot of shit thing today. This morning was mild, all things considered.”
“Yeesh! Do I want to hear more?” At his shake of the head she grimaces, patting his shoulder in a compassionate move and leaving her hand there for a few more seconds, seeming to brace herself before her next question. Her tone is still kind, still devoid of any judgement when she asks. “How old were you, when you had Abby?”
It’s that kindness, and the knowledge that she also has a son, that push Frank into accepting to answer. “Sixteen.”
“That must have been hard.”
The resident swallows around the lump in his throat. “Yeah” he murmurs. “Yeah, it was.”
He closes his eyes, fighting off memories he doesn’t want to see resurface.
The cold. The hunger. The fear.
Friends turning their back on him. Too afraid of what helping him would mean for them. Of what their own parents would say. The months sleeping in strangers’ bedrooms, because centers for single parents were made for women, most of the time, and they did not know what to do with him. Of following people’s home praying he wasn’t going to get himself, and Abby, killed. All notion of stranger-danger thrown out of the window as he was forced to put his trust and his body in the hand of men and women he knew nothing about.
The years spent scrounging up what little money he could, barely making ends meet between several jobs. Stealing food from bins. Until he had been caught by the owners of a restaurant. An old couple, who had opened their home and heart to the frightened child he had been, offering him the security he had lost with Abby’s arrival. They’d lost their own children, one killed in Irak, the other from suicide.
They had proposed a deal to him. He could live under their roof, eat with them, take care of his little girl. All they’d asked in return was that he give a hand in the restaurant. They had made sure he finished his highschool education. And even though they’d died not long after, they had given him the tool he’d needed to survive and find a way to pursue a higher education.
He pushes one hand against his temple, willing the memories away, looking up at McKay. “But we made it.”
The woman acquiesce encouragingly. “You did. And if you need some help. You can call me, okay? Any time.”
She doesn’t give him the time to thank her, already going back to her work. Because that’s just the kind of person Cassie McKay is. A big personality, with an even bigger heart.
Xxxx
He notices the weird vibes between Santos and Yoyo as soon as he sees them together. Odd, he thinks. He had been certain things were going on rather well between these two. At least that’s what Yoyo had told him.
Then again, Yoyo has kind of a hard time letting herself be vulnerable. Comes with the surgeon territory. And with her being a woman, she’s had a ton of shit to face in order to climb her way to the top.
He doesn’t have the chance to talk with the R2 unfortunately, as she is pulled in seven directions at the same time and Robby banishes him back to Triage despite Al-Hashimi’s intervention.
She approaches him after having been sent to speak with Abby now that the last results they were waiting for are back, confirming Penny’s infection and, even more importantly, that there is nothing else going on with her. Tension he did not even realize he had been holding melts like snow under the sun at the news, leaving him breathless. He takes the opportunity to finally have a discussion with her.
“Thanks for letting me know. I wanted to ask you something, though. Is… Well, is everything alright with you and Yoyo?”
Her walls slam down so quickly it gives him whiplash. “Yeah, sure! Why? She said something?”
“No! No, not at all! It’s just… Well it looked like the two of you were kinda on a different length today? I wanted to make sure you didn’t feel too bad about it. Yoyo is wonderful, truly. But it’s hard for her, you know, to admit she wants someone. It makes her too vulnerable.”
“What? Are you gonna give me tips now? Or a pep talk?”
He sights, frustration building up. Bite him for wanting to do something nice he guesses!
“Listen, I’m sorry. I thought I could help, clearly I was wrong. Forget I said anything!”
He doesn’t have the time to leave though, Santos stopping him before he has the chance. “No! I’m sorry! I didn’t…” she presses her palms to her eyes in a disgruntled move, then blows out angrily. “We were supposed to have a date tonight. But she bailed on me.”
Shit. Triple shit.
“I’m sorry Santos. I-”
“No need to be. It’s not like you’re the reason she-”
“But I am.” he admits, rendering her speechless. “I called her this morning, when I got Penny here. She’s like an aunt to my kids. She promised Abby she’d spend the evening at ours. So… I’m sorry for ruining your plans.” He grimaces, monitoring her reaction with trepidation, half-expecting her to start hitting him.
She doesn’t.
Of course she doesn’t. Trinity Santos is by far a kinder person, a better person than even she believes herself to be.
No. She just… deflates. Recognizing defeat.
A chuckle escapes her and she smirks at him. “I would propose to come too if it could help, but… truth is, I really hate kids.”
Frank grins at her, hands on his hips. “Yeah, they’re not to everybody’s taste. I get that. I am really sorry, though. I hope you can turn your evening around.”
Xxxx
The cervical reduction is a lot!
Don't get him wrong, he's very happy he saved that guy from paralysis, and a part of him is also incredibly thrilled by how much Robby believes in him that he would push him to do something so risky when he has only ever seen it once. Nevermind testing it on cadaver labs beforehand…
But the majority of him is pissed! Still coming down from the rush of adrenaline the stress and success of the maneuver just gave him, unable to swallow the danger he just put his patient in!
He doesn't know what happened all these months he was absent to transform Robby this much. Or was it always there and he could not see it? Not until he had excised himself from his life for several months?
He doesn't recognise the man who taught him. But one thing is clear.
Robby needs help. Whether he wants it or not.
Xxxx
The man gives him the opportunity to confront him a lot sooner than Frank would have expected when he catches him on his way to leave.
“Hey, uhm, I know you wanted to talk, especially after this morning. I’m sorry we couldn’t have that conversation.”
“That’s ok, you didn’t look like you wanted it anyway.”
“What about you? Did you really want it?”
“Yeah. Yeah I wanted to, actually. Tell me something, what would have happened if I had paralyzed that guy?”
“I don’t know. What would have happened if I hadn’t been here today? You’d still be questioning yourself, now you know you can do it. You’re welcome.”
Frank cannot believe his ears. He looks at the man he once knew in absolute shock. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real! “Is… Is that how you teach now?”
“Sometimes.”
He doesn’t know what sends him over the edge. If it’s Robby’s answer, or the tone in his voice, or the way he evades his gaze even now. Like the man knows he is in the wrong and yet is still trying to gaslit them all into buying his bullshit!
“What the fuck, man? What the fuck?” One hand comes to grip at his hair, tugging harshly. As if the pain will wake him up and this day will turn out to just be a nightmare. He starts moving, hoping his weight from the tips of his feet to his heels, then just proceeds to walk half in circles in front of the attending.
“Listen, I know you’ve got issues, but that’s the thing! You’re not the only one! Hell! You’re not even the only who has been abandoned! Sure, I had my parents for most of my childhood, but do you know what that feels like when the safety net you’ve always been told was there for you is suddenly pulled away because they now see you as lesser? As a problem? To learn that love is actually very much conditional but no one ever taught you the rules until you broke them? To be thrown into adulthood without any support or any model because they think you don’t deserve it? Samira is feeling abandoned by her mother and you take it out on her! I am trying to be there for my daughter and you also take it on me! There is no winning with you!”
He wants to shake Robby. To take him by the shoulders and rattle his brain out until the older man is looking at him and not through him! He wants Robby to fucking apologise for the way he has been treating everyone today and to take fucking ownership of his behavior!
He wants Robby to get help.
To stop running away.
“You need help, Robby. You need help.” And suddenly, surprise of surprises, the attending is looking at him. Yet, Frank can’t see him. Can’t see past the pain and the betrayal. He wants to be there for him. But he doesn’t know if can still do it.
Robby has taken everything with him.
“I care. I always have. I’m not the one who put a wall between us. But I …” he drags a hand through his hair, exhausted and oh so vulnerable in that moment. “I don’t think I can be what you need right now. It’s going to take me a while to get over what you said to me this morning. So I guess this sabbatical of yours is a good thing, in a way. Just… Don’t be a stranger. You hear me? Call me, or text me or whatever. Let me know how you’re doing.”
It’s all he can give him. It’s all he has left. He has exhausted all his options in trying to make Robby see sense. He has nothing more to offer.
And as Robby leaves without promising anything, he can only hope it will be enough.
Xxxx
He takes the time to check on his patient before leaving. He knows he shouldn’t. Knows that once they leave the ED, they are not theirs anymore, and taking a look into the aftermath of their work can sometimes do more harm than good. But he can’t help himself this time.
Amputation. Trans-femoral.
He releases a shaky breath.
It’s bad. Fuck it’s bad.
It’s good.
She is alive.
It’s fucking hella good!
Frank has never had to diagnose a necrotizing fasciitis before, let alone treat it. But he knows the statistics. 12,8% mortality rate at best. 20 to 40% even with a surgical intervention.
Death in 100% of cases if not treated medically and surgically.
Fulminant infection, extremely difficult to diagnose in time, highly aggressive, quick to generalize into full blown septicemia and septic shock. No consensus or clear guidelines for its diagnosis, hardly more for its treatment.
If he doesn’t ever have to see one ever again, it will still be too soon!
He exhales. Slowly, shakily. She is alive. She is alive. That’s good. More than he could hope for.
Time to go home now. To get Abby downstairs and bring her and Penny home. Thank god, Tanner is spending the night at his friend! The reminder has him smiling. His baby boy’s first sleepover.
Xxxx
Finding Robby with Penny in his arms and Abby snoring in a chair, having ceded the armchair to his old teacher like the darling she is, certainly has him speechless, but it is still a welcomed sight.
He meant every word he said to Robby on the roof. He could have a place in their little family, if he wanted it.
“Someone destroyed my bike.” The chief attending whispers and Frank has to stifle a laugh.
“Damn. Do we have an idea as to who? So we can give them a medal.”
Robby rolls his eyes but says nothing. He knows how badly he has worried his people today. Frank takes another chair to make himself comfortable, they are still waiting for Yoyo anyway.
“I heard about your difficulties with Whitaker, I’ll talk to him.” Which is such a Robby thing to do. Let's not talk about the apology I owe you, but I’ll take care of another problem for you!
“You do that” the resident agrees off-handledly, not caring much. Whitaker is a pup who thought he could try his teeth on the newly back 30 year old single dad/grandad. Frank has had to face worse, and won. At the end of the day, he won't even be a blip on his radar. But if Robby's intervention means he won't treat patients in the same predicament with that good ol’ countryside judgemental disdain… he'll be a better doctor for it.
“Have you-” an hesitation. Then “have you ever seen someone, for you struggles?”
A flutter of eyelashes, as Frank processes the question, so very aware of the vulnerability he is being handed, so unsure how to hold it with enough care. “No” he ends up admitting, and gives a shrugs he hopes passes for nonchalant. “Didn't have the money for it.”
Robby keeps quiet, continuing to bounce Penny leisurely.
“You should ask Abbot. Hasn't he got a therapist or something?”
The attending bobs his head up and down and Frank takes it for the non-commital agreement it is. Then Robby is asking him how he is, how he has been doing these past months, genuine care peeking out at last.
Frank decides, there and then, to give this another shot. To extend a hand, and pray to the sky that Robby will take it this time.
They talk until Yolanda comes down, her last surgery banished to the postop care of nurses and on-call colleagues.
When Frank says goodbye and goodnight to Robby, it is with the hope something can still be turned around.