Chapter Text
12:30am
Cups of coffee all over the apartment, pop songs are whispering not too loud , dim lights as usual, and this time Suho is having a great night because of his excitement
So preparing for Sieun and his answer, Suho decided to sip some wine for this night,maybe that will ease his restless head, or will makes it floating around his own space.
Thinking about making a "deal" with that entity might be the craziest idea he got, but if that goes as good as he planned, there's no harm on his side ..isn't it?
After drinking around three full glasses he decided to rest his head in his room , not fully prepared to go to bed ..he's just now lying on his bed staring at the ceiling thinking of his next week duties and gym schedule, he needs to be more focused with his gym training because he doesn't want to get his membership to go to waste
Thoughts here and there, trying to arrange everything just in case it didn’t go as what he wanted
Just in case he couldn't fall asleep.
4 hours in
Scrolling through his phone,calling Wooyoung and Youngi to chit-chat a bit (they are so used to it) , placing online orders to pass some time
And his head is heavy, so he keeps himself on the bed , not tucked under the sheets, breathing slowly and deeply to slow his mind that was thinking without interruption..
Then he thought about closing his eyes for a bit , knowing he's not going to sleep , but he wants to pretend and try
So he stood and turned the dim yellow lights off, opened the window just a little to have the air breeze into his lungs instead of his suffocated feeling , then he got back to his bed ..
7:30am
His frustration raises around his thoughts, the sun is up, the birds are singing their morning melodies,which now are a fucking gunshots into his ears
He's not mad, he thought and prepared himself for it,
not sleeping for another night? Hell is going to be above his head for the rest of the day
And it's not like he wanted to blame Sieun , because that worry face was indeed hiding some truth when he said he's not sleeping for "tonight"
But he was kind of disappointed for the dishonesty that creature had,which also shook his trust,
well why did you think of trusting him Suho?
Something inside of him was telling him it's a terrible idea , specially now that "trust" is needed for his answer
Well he might rethink about it
9:00am
He decided to walk around his apartment,old usual ways to pass time
He saw a paper on his coffee table,he is sure it wasn't there before because he cleaned it when his friends left
He walked towards it, held it to see what's written
"Who told you sleeping should be only at nighttime, my Suho-yah?"
Suho's head was turning around, scanning the whole apartment with paranoia ..and there's no sign of anyone
He feels crazy..
"Where the hell are you Sieun?this is not funny"Suho whispered under his breath while frowning
He shook his head, and out of frustration he went to change his clothes , took a bottle of water, and locked his apartment
He's going for a run
Enough to ease this suffering,to stop feeling like a maniac, and maybe he would consider going to a therapist, because he might be hallucinating like what Wooyoung said..
12:30pm
Running around the area ,then to the gym, then walking back to his apartment
Going through this physical exhaustion was his solution since day one ,sometimes it works, sometimes it leaves him with additional pain in his head and eyes ..
Suho's insomnia was never a stranger, it followed him as he grew older and his responsibilities list got a bit longer , he didn't consider it as a bad problem at first, he was having a great time with less sleep
Because less sleep gave him more hours to work, and that as well gave him more money to cover their needs
Until five hours of sleep became three, then half an hour, until it was zero
His halmeoni was not happy with that , she was spending most of the days lecturing him , while also making him food and beverages that she believed it has something to do with stopping insomnia
Funny enough, Suho believes it has some placebo effect on him , because some nights have been easier on him than the others, and he honored his halmeoni mint tea for it..
He also believes that her presence and being safe,happy,relieved, was more than enough for his mind to reward himself with some rest..
Until it wasn't an option anymore..so that punishment should continue with him for the rest of his life ..
Speaking of punishments..
Getting back to his apartment reminded him why he left in the first place
He would be a liar if he said he's not angry,but he wanted to brush it off by showering and lying on the bed to let his body re-energize
So he did, wishing to fall asleep accidentally ..
He could've sworn his eyes just went shut for almost ten minutes, he's not sleeping for sure , and he can feel the presence of someone around the apartment
He didn't open his eyes , he was just listening to some light steps getting closer
Then the smell was there..
And there's pressure on his bed,
someone is lying too
Sieun is lying next to him
He felt a hand on his hair , ruffling it effortlessly
Suho involuntarily smiled, he couldn't help finding this gesture sweet even though he's mad
" I know you're awake Suho, open your eyes"
He fixed that smile, reminding himself how frustrated he was this morning
"No,I'm not doing that Sieun"
Sieun's hand stopped,he could sense that he didn't see this comment coming
Now let Suho's work begin
"You lied, you said I wasn't going to sleep for just a night, and you got me waiting for a day and half .." he sounds whiny about these few more hours like a kid
Sieun raised his brows
"So you're mad.. and not because you were tired?....You were waiting for me.." he gave him a smirk as he clocked this out loud
Suho was staring at him for a moment,trying to find a way to continue arguing
"That's not my point..besides that..I mean.." he could feel his cheeks burning
This was embarrassingly kind of true
And what made him realize that point was that the first thing he felt upon seeing him wasn't anger..
It was relief
The entity giggled at how Suho quit talking mid-sentence
"But you lied.." he tried to protest
" I've told you before there are costs ... did you think that your wish would be for free? " Sieun started to protest back in his low tone
Suho found it fair ,but not enough
"Those few hours would've made such a difference to me.." he mumbled annoyed that he couldn't defeat this conversation against Sieun
"Well, I merely gave you enough time to reconsider our last talk .. "
Sieun gave him a small smile and patted him on the cheek before repositioning himself into a sitting position
Suho scratches his head , he would be damned if he said it was planned before, because somehow it feels so awkward to start talking so seriously about what they left
Sieun tilted his head " soo.. you spent the last night alone ha?"
That caught him off guard "what?...why are you digging around now "
"Just because you were defensive with the extra hours of yours like you had an important date "
Suho didn't like this sudden investigation, he was frowning stupidly
"Your friends didn't visit" sieun continues
"They were busy"
"Did you expect them to come over?"they looked at each other , he wasn't investigating..
"What are you implying to?"
"Just checking on your day off whiny boy, you don't like that?" his tone wasn't teasing him, he was genuinely asking
"Nah it's...weird ... I don't find it annoying though, but I thought you were teasing me .. I just spent it like the usual ,run , gym, thinking"
"And what did you think about while waiting ?" Sieun was so attentive to hear him, his hand was supporting his head and looking at Suho, who was still lying comfortably on bed
"Our talk, what I have to tell you..and.." he stopped there to think for a bit, why would he spill everything to Sieun? It's none of his business ..but he was ready to hear him anyway
"And?.."
He shook his head meaning that it's nothing unusual
"Just ..my grandma "
There was a silence in the air, not that awkward one, just for a brief moment to remember her
"Do you miss her?"
He wasn't prepared for that question , it sent a shiver down to his spine
No one ever questioned him about her like this
"Of course I do.. is that even a question" he huffed a small laugh, it was fake for sure but he wanted to brush off that upcoming feeling ..that aching feeling..
"Hey..Suho-yah.. do you miss her?" Sieun repeated again, his voice was steady and slow
The apartment suddenly felt too quiet,there's a heavy feeling rising on Suho's chest
He thought he could've handled it better if someone had brought it up
But it was all some fake incomplete conversations in his head..and now it's the first time to speak those words out loud
Suho looked at him,
Sieun's face was not clear,but he was right here
His face was blurred,
because Suho's eyes were holding some tears ..
He just closed his eyes and nodded,
He won't cry in front of him
He can talk about it without crashing out completely
He took a deep breath and slowly said "She was my world, my home, my reason to be a better person, I don't know what im doing now without her.." then let out that air he kept inside his lungs" I keep myself occupied just to not overthink , or ..miss her "
"And yet you stay up late at night exhausted and not knowing why you can't sleep and why your chest hurts when you imagine her singing a lullaby for you to sleep"
Suho nodded immediately, then he started pouting as he processed those words
"You...how do you know all that ..you're not spying on me are you?"
"Well I would be, if you were ambiguous enough..but I don't need to be a human to realize how nostalgic you are.."
"Oh..then angels can read minds?"
Sieun laughed, it was so natural Suho thought he's used to laugh so accurately like a human
"I don't read minds ,not like that .. and I told you I was around before...
But what made you think I'm an angel?" He giggled again
Suho didn’t understand what's so funny about thinking he was an angel,and he stared at him stupidly
"You only appear in my dream , I don't know ..is this a portal? Are you a demon then?"
"Too many questions in your pocket , and no, they are all wrong .. A demon? Do I frighten you? "
"That's not what I meant..."
"Then what do you mean"
"Don't change the subject.. what are you?"
"Do I have to tell you?"
Suho smiled and sat on his mattress, that teasing was getting on his nerves, but in a weirdly fun way
"Well ..yeah? Because you suddenly appeared out of nowhere? Because you keep coming to my dreams? Because after all those nights you decided I deserve some sleep?"
"But Suho-yah..you invited me to your dreams"
What?
"No I didn't?"
"Yes you did." that answer was so effortlessly serious
Suho had to pause
How did he do such a thing while he couldn't fall asleep in the first place ?
"Then why are you here?"
"To make you sleep. "
"Oh my lord, Sieun! We keep running in circles with your silly answers!"
"I'm not running in circles, you are"
"You fucking with me and you like it ha?"
"That's cute,but I'm not doing that, I'm giving you the answers that you want to hear"
"What about the questions that you want to answer?"
"Hmm ,bold of you to say when you didn't even answer mine"
"..what ?"
" what.. do you ..desire ...the most?" He said it slowly, eyes locked , and his smile was growing with each word
"Oh..right.." he swallowed
They sat in silence for a bit,Suho was looking around , then decided finally to speak
"Could I... have the chance of ..seeing halmeoni?"
Sieun's eyes widened, it was not surprising,but..
"It's okay if you can't bring her for long; but you could at least let me hug her? .....
...Or even hear her voice for the last time?
Just for a minute?"
Suho was afraid that he would refuse..he was feeling like he was throwing up those words, it was heavy to say that out loud
"Suho-.."
"Well damn I don't care if it was ten seconds... I just...I wanna make up that proper goodbye that she deserved.." his voice hitched at the end
Sieun was quite.. he was looking at Suho's sad features, and he can see them clinging to that hope, but at the same time he was afraid to the point he was looking at the ground and not at him
Sieun lets out a sigh
"You held that on your chest for long"
"Yeah I thought about it before..it bothered me ever since...."
"You think you failed her.."
Suho didn’t say anything
"That goodbye...you think it was something unfinished .."
He nodded
"Would that bring you peace?"
"I hope!" He looked at Sieun now, and his eyes flickerd under the dim light
"Hope.." Sieun stood up , Suho's eyes were following him , "You're hoping that seeing her will bring you peace" stood in front of Suho and continued "Will that resolve your insomnia..and ease your mind?"
"I hope..yes.."
"Then what would you do if it didn't work?and your last goodbye became just a memory you hold before trying again to fall asleep.."
"Then I have you."